Llamas with Hats Human Adapted
"Carl, there's a dead human in our house!"
My best friend-and roommate-Carl, was in the kitchen, doing the dishes, which was odd, because Carl never did the chores.
He shuffled over and poked the dead body with his foot. "Oh...hey...how did he get here?" Blood was pooling on the floor, from multiple stab wounds in the dead man's chest.
His lying tone was obvious. I stared at him, alarmed. "Carl, what did you DO?!"
He waved a hand nonchalantly. "Me? I didn't do this."
"Explain what happened, Carl!" I said angrily. These kinds of things seemed to happen whenever I went out...
"I've never seen him before in my life!" Carl protested.
"Why did you kill this person, Carl?!"
"I do not kill people. That is..." he couldn't help glancing back towards the kitchen. "That is my LEAST favorite thing to do."
I sighed. "Carl, tell me exactly what you were doing before I got home."
He frowned and shifted
Llamas With Hats 2 [Human Adapted]I watched the burning ship sink on the horizon, then turned to my roommate, who was sheepishly grinning at me. "Carl, what on Earth was all that?"Llamas With Hats 2 [Human Adapted]3 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
"I'm not sure what you're referring to," he said innocently.
"You sunk an entire cruise ship, Carl!"
"Are you sure that was me? I think I would remember something like that." He sat down on the floor of the lifeboat we were in, crossing his legs and looking up at me.
I crossed my arms. "Carl, I watched you fire a harpoon into the captain's face." I didn't even know how Carl knew how to fire a harpoon!
"That sounds dangerous."
"You were head-butting children off the side of the ship!"
"That, ah, must have been horrible to watch." Carl's expression said different--he looked like he was enjoying this.
"And then you started making out with the ice sculptures!" I cried, exasperated.
Carl smiled, as if in doing this, he'd been doing a great service to society. "Thank god that the children weren't on board
Llamas with Hats 3-Human AdaptedBuildings were burning. People’s screams filled the air. Cries and moans could be heard from the injured, the victims of the horrific attack that’d happened here.Llamas with Hats 3-Human Adapted2 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
I sighed and plopped down on the remains of the city hall, staring out at the havoc that’d been wreaked by none other than my own roommate. “Carl, we’re supposed to be on vacation…”
“I don’t know about you, but I am having a wonderful time.” Carl walked over, carrying suitcases in each hand. He was wearing his beanie of course, and a t-shirt that had ‘Viva la Résistance!’ written on it in scrawled lettering.
“You toppled the South American government, Carl,” I told him.
He grinned in response, putting down the suitcases and indicating to his shirt. “The people have spoken. Viva la Résistance!” He pumped his fist in the air.
“You pushed the resistance leader into a giant fan.” One of which I wasn’t sure wh
Llamas with hats scriptCarl: Oh hey How did he get here?Llamas with hats script5 years ago in Comedy More Like This
Paul: Caaaarl, what did you do?!
Carl: Me? Uh, I didn't do this!
Paul: Explain what happened, Carl!
Carl: I've never seen him before in my life!
Paul: Why did you kill this person, Carl?
Carl: I do not kill people. That is that is my least favorite thing to do.
Paul: Tell me, Carl, exactly what you were doing before I came home.
Carl: Alright, well I was upstairs
Carl: I was uh I was sitting in my room
Carl: reading a book
Paul: Go on
Carl: And, uh, well this guy walked in
Carl: So, I went up to him
Carl: And I I stabbed him 37 times in the chest.
Paul: Caaaaaaaaaaaaarl, that KILLS people!
Carl: Oh! Well, I didn't know that!!
Paul: How could you not know that?!
Carl: Yeah, I'm in the wrong here. I SUCK.
Paul: What happened to his hands?
Carl: What's that?
Paul: His hands. Whywhy are they missing?
Llamas With Hats: A PoemThere, through the doorLlamas With Hats: A Poem4 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
There's a man on the floor
And what's more Carl is there
There's a dead human, I say
What has made him this way?
So I command that Carl explain
I've never seen him, says he
Until you showed him to me
I've seen him never before in my life
I ask Carl why he'd kill him
My tone of voice is quite grim
But murder is Carl's least favorite thing
I demand again he explain
And with his expression unchanged
Carl denies all my claims, he'd been busy
He'd been in his room reading The Great Gatsby
And this man barged inside without asking
I am shocked when Carl finally says
"And I, uh I stabbed him 37 times in the chest."
Caaaaaaaarl, I cry
Why'd you make this man die?
But then I notice something is gone
Carl, I venture, his hands
What's that, he says, come again?
His hands, Carl, why are they missing?
He looks from me to the ground
Out of recognition does he make a sound
Eyes on me, he smiles and says
"Well I, uh, I sort of cooked them up. And ate