Blue Collar Comedy Tour QUOTESLarry The Cable Guy: This doctor says to this feller, "i got bad news and worse news." He says, "ohhh, whats the bad news?" the doctor says, "you've got 24 hours left to live." Then he says, "whats the worse news?" the doctor says, "i forgot to call you yesterday."Blue Collar Comedy Tour QUOTES8 years ago in General Non-Fiction More Like This
Bill Engvall: My wife, trying to be helpful, goes to the grocery store and buys this stuff called soy bacon. Let me tell you something: I know soy beans are good for a lot of things. Let's stay out of the bacon market! It says "It looks and tastes like real bacon!" No it doesn't! It tastes like somebody bacon-flavored a turd, that's what it tastes like!
Ron White: Theres this cruise ship and theres a magician that works on the ship and the captain had a parrot that liked to go to the show everynight. The parrot understood the show and since it could talk it would gi
Barmes"...Aaand 100! Okay!" Hermes exclaimed happily as he leapt to his feet from his stretching pose. The same huge smile was still plastered all over his face from the morning when he put on his old limbo outfit again and, though a bit snugger than before, it still fit nonetheless!Barmes6 years ago in Fan Fiction More Like This
"So this is where little Hermes has been hiding then, aye?" A deep, sensual voice mocked from behind him.
"Barbados!" Hermes yelled angrily as he span round to face the much taller, sculpted hunk. His scowl would have sent shivers down any tax payers' spine.
Barbados, however, just laughed in his face. "That is quite the face my friend... And quite the outfit too!" He laughed again, a thick smirk stealing his lips causing his deep chocolate eyes to sparkle menacingly.
"Why you...!" Hermes' blood boiled and rushed straight to his head. He balled his hands into fists and had to quickly turn his gaze away, that's when he noticed: they were completely alone. "Huh? Where is...?" He asked, mostly to himself, as his ey
Fender - Grumpy robots"Uuuggghh...." Groaned a young, hungover redhead as he pushed back his long bangs. 'I should really stop accepting Benders drinking challenges...' He thought to himself as he leant back in his chair and ruffled his hair some more.Fender - Grumpy robots6 years ago in Fan Fiction More Like This
"You should really get a haircut, Fry." Stated Leela rather bluntly as she scrunched up her nose in distaste and tugged at his hair.
"Yeah, Fry... If you want I once slept with a hairdresser so I can get you in for cheaper!" Amy chirped excitedly as she flipped open her phone.
Fry looked between them both, sighed and then shrugged, "I don't know..." he started with uncertainty. "Hey, Bender..." He said slowly as he span in his chair to face his dozing, robotic best friend. "What do you think? Do you think I should get a hair cut?" He asked, pulling at his long locks with a questionable look.
Bender glared at his hair, stated a sharp "I don't care." Then stood from his chair and stormed out the room.
Fry stared after him with a rather puppy-like express
hacker got turned into a little girl (tg ar)hacker got turned into a little girl (tg ar)7 months ago in Sci-Fi More Like This
the main protaginist in the story is whoever hacked tiag, but i just call him mike
One day, a hacker named mike decided it would be funny to go and mess with some random group on deviantart. "Hehe lets take a
HE said with a sly little smile. HE hit "random group and He came upon a group called tiag. "Hehe perfect time to mess with some stupid
Wierd ass art." HE stuck a usb drive into his computer, and it gave him some kind of deletion virus. "100% deleted" said his computer.
Mike smiled as he saw that this group had nothing and was now empty. "Hehe wait till they see this." Then, his computer shocked the
living crap out of him. "Gahh what the hell?" He said to himself. A single popup message popped up and said:
"cuh what ever" Mike just rolled his eyes and went to get a snack. Half way their, he fel
axisxreader:join the axis?"___, I wil..."said britan as he shoves you into the same tomato box that Italy was in."...leave you in this tomato box until you die!" added britan as he turned around and walked away, before he did, he gives you some juice boxes and crackers, then closes the lid of the tomato box, and walks away.axisxreader:join the axis?3 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
time passed and now it's ww2
"Italy, where are u?" said a calming voice.
"Italy?" said a lovely voice.
"is someone there? HELP ME!" you said, kicking the box.
-----from the outside-----
"Italy, where are u?" Germany said.
"Italy?" said japan.
Germany and japan saw the tomato box you are in.
"is some one there? HELP ME!" you said as you kicked the box.
"maybe he's in there." said Germany as he almost pulls out his gun when you just poped out of the box.
"HE'S IN THE BUSHES!" you shouted at Germany, and Italy comes out of the bushes and see you.
Italy then kneels down to you "will you join the axis, ve~?" he said in a sweet voice.
that surprised Germany and japan, and the two are s
Austria x Punk!Reader 'Part' 5“Ye’re sure, ye don’t remember him?”Austria x Punk!Reader 'Part' 52 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
You stared at the stoic blonde man in front of you, and then you shook your head.
“No. Should I?”
Allistor frowned and took a deep drag of his fag, then looked at you again and pointed to the man.
“Tha’ is Berwald. Ye used tha play with him, when ye were a wee lass.”
You slowly began to remember the Swedish boy, who always frowned… if you remembered correctly, he always was with this Finnish boy, you guessed his name was Tino.
“So…”, you began to talk and sat up straighter, to get a better look at him.
Even if he frowned and sent death glares to everyone, you didn’t back off.
“Now I remember! You are Berwald!!”
He seemed taken aback because of your sudden happiness, as you placed yourself next to him and hugged him.
“How long has it been? Nine years?”
He slowly hugged you back, and when he finally made it, you pulled away.
KaixReader: NightmaresKaixReader: Nightmares3 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
You had lived with the ninja ever since they saved you from a serpentine attack on your village. The attack left you orphaned and so the ninja took you in. You learned how to defend yourself and to be honest, you kinda’ liked Kai.
One night, you couldn’t sleep, “Come on ____ be tired already!” you put you r head under your pillow, not working. You sigh and decide to go outside for a bit.
As you pass by the guy’s room, you hear something. It sounded like… whimpering?
“What?” You whisper and open the door as quietly as possible. You step inside and brush your (h/l) (h/c) behind your ear. You look around at each of the guys, and your eyes stop to rest on Kai.
“N-no.” He mumbled and turned over to face you. He was in a cold sweat and wore an expression of agony and pain.
“K-kai?” You whisper and walk over to his bed, “Kai?” You grab his shoulder and shake it trying to wake him up, “Kai wake up!
[Contest]HungaryXReader - Save the princess!Long ago, There lived a princess named [Name] who's beauty has captured her kingdoms attention. Many men have tried to pursue her from very far kingdoms but sadly she declined.[Contest]HungaryXReader - Save the princess!3 years ago in Humor More Like This
But then not just the citizens of [K/N] and other kingdoms were interested in her, The known Bad touch trio were also interested and has kidnapped poor [Name]!
The king, Arthur has been angered and set down his hand very loud, "How dare thy has layed a finger on my daughter! Unacceptable! Bring our most tough and brave knights to rescue my fair daughter immediately!" The king ordered, "Christmas is arriving!"
"Y-yes, Your highness..!" The right hand's king replied and quickly went out of the palace to find the knight worthy of his interest.
"Help! Help! Oh, Have mercy! Would anyone volunteer to rescue Princess [Name]?" He asked the citizens of [K/N] but none had the guts to rescue you, Pity.. They were all cowards and wouldn't risk themselves just to save you.
That is until a brave stranger raises it's hand for
mi querido angelCapítulo 1 "amor agridulce "mi querido angel5 years ago in Fan Fiction More Like This
Era el primer día de clases en el colegio MAIDO ..El primer "ring" anunció la entrada a clases, las puertas del aula se abrieron y se encontraron viejas caras conocidas que no se veían desde las vacaciones. Entre ellos había un chico de cabellos largos que se ataba con una colita y que se llamaba Hian Hakuron. El profesor de historia abrió la puerta y entró al aula, mientras que los alumnos estaban en los bancos ordenados para su llegada.
-Buenos días alumnos. Yo soy su profesor de historia y mi nombre es Raiven. El programa de nuestras clases .
La puerta nuevamente se abrió y esta vez un joven con expresión infantil entró al aula, llevando consigo una mochila y un papel blanco en su mano, todos los mayores fijaron su mirada en él y el chico se acercó al profesor.
-Jovencito me parece que te confundiste de aula, ¿Pero qué es esto?.
El niño le presentó
Pasta BackPasta Back5 years ago in Fan Fiction More Like This
I'm bringin' pasta back
Them other Axis don't know how to act
I think it's special... Doitsu's got my back
So turn around and I'll wave the white flag
(Take it to the Brits!)
You see these allies have made me their slave
they feed me shit food if I misbehave
and that really messes up my day
(Takin' out the Allies!)
Come Nihon, go head be gone with it
Come see my cat, go head be gone with it
Ve~ you see, drinks on me
Lemme see what you're cookin' with
pasta sauce drips
Make me smile
Pasta child and get your pasta on
go head be gone with it
get your pasta on
go head be gone with it
get your pasta on
go head be gone with it
get your pasta on
I'm bringin' pasta back
Them other Allies don't know how to act
they tell me braincells are the things I lack
I hope Doitsu can come here and save me fast
(Take it to the Brits!)
You see this pasta baby it's my fave
I'll let you try some cause you're really brave
And you save me from every single frey
(Takin' out the Allies
Human!Sonic Team X Reader: New Girl Part 3Between second and third period you had a break for snacks, you didn't see the point in getting anything since you already had a perfectly good batch of cookies with you, you were going to ask Shadow if he wanted to spend this small time with you but he vanished.Human!Sonic Team X Reader: New Girl Part 32 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
So you found Sonic, Knuckles and Tails instead.
The three of you sat down and you shared your cookies with them.
"Oh wow ____ these are great!!" Tails cried.
"Yeah _____" Sonic agreed
You blushed at their complements
Suddenly Shadow walked by with a pair of his friends.
"HI SHADOW!!!" You called waving at him
"YOU MAKE SOME GREAT COOKIES SHADOW!!" Sonic added
Shadow glared at the two of you before storming off.
Sonic just laughed "did you see his face?"
You on the other hand weren't laughing "why was he so mad? He was so nice earlier"
'Big Brother' Knuckles rested a hand on your shoulder "don't worry about him! He just hates us, not you"
You weren't sure though.
Time passed and soon it came to lunch. Your mother packed you a l
South Park - Kyle X Sick! Reader It was rainy day in your small town wich you called home. Unfortunately instead of relaxing you had to be taken care of because you were sick. Luckily it was Kyle who was taking care of you. Kyle tried everything to make you feel better, even though he knew nothing about how to help someone when they are sick.South Park - Kyle X Sick! Reader2 years ago in Romance More Like This
Finally he consulted the internet. The internet said "Laughter is the best medicine." Kyle took this seriously, VERY seriously. He even got Cartman to come over and smash Kenny's head into the wall yelling "TWILIGHT IS NOT LITERATURE!"
You laughed like a storm, though soon after you started to throw up, getting puke all over your (h/c) hair. Cartman was laughing till his sides hurt, but Kyle kicked him in the balls. Butters suggested sweets , but you threw that up too. Stan had had enough and yelled that you should just get rest, and let the sickness take its toll.
Finally, after all the craziness of bickering and thinking and all that stuff, you were rest
Request Soldier!PrussiaxReaderA thousand yearsRequest Soldier!PrussiaxReader3 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
You were standing in the field staring at the grass waving in the wind. It was the same field that Gilbert had proposed to you in . and had left you in. Five years ago, he left to fight in war promising he would do the impossible to return back alive. You always came out here to wait for Gilbert. So you could see how the beautiful golden sun illuminated his silver grey hair, so you could see that love in his ruby red eyes when he saw you. It all seemed like a cheesy love story but it was your cheesy love story.
Suddenly as the sun began to rise up, you saw a figure walking towards you. It seemed as if time had stopped and the only things that moved were you and the figure. As it came closer, you could see silver hair and playful red eyes. A familiar laugh ran in your ears.
¨Hallo, frau.¨ you heard Gilbert say. In your excitement, you ran towards him and caught him in a tight embrace. You started to cry. He hugged you
In-Law- Russia x Reader x BelarusIn-Law- Russia x Reader x Belarus3 years ago in Humor More Like This
Your sister in law had a crush on you. Not in the normal sense of the word, blushing as you sat down next to her, admiring you from afar, knowing and accepting that she'd never have you. Because you were married to her older brother, Ivan. Not to her. And you never would be, no matter how beautiful you found Natalia, not matter how many dreams you had about her, about those deep violet eyes looking over your entire body, about running your fingers through her platinum blond hair. There was no way in hell you'd leave your husband for her.
The problem was, she hadn't seemed to get the memo. Ivan had told you she'd been utterly obsessed with him for a while, but for some reason had stopped being so active when she first met you. At first, you'd thought that maybe she'd finally accepted that marrying her brother wasn't going to work out. Apparently not, because only a few days later, she'd asked you to marry her. Well, asked wasn't really the right word. It was more like demand. You polite
LiechtensteinxPregnant!Reader - LeineLili trotted to the room of her brother's wife, [name] with a plate of tea in hand. Volunteering at the hospital that she was at kept her out of trouble, since she dared not to leave her side. She feared that, if she did, she wouldn't see the birth of her new cousin! She was just a few days away from the day that she was expected to give birth, March 13th. Today was March 5th as she had been showing signs of early labor. Perhaps the baby was coming soon? She entered the room, seeing that she was fine.LiechtensteinxPregnant!Reader - Leine3 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
"Oh, hello Lili." [Name] sighed.
"Are you fine?"
"Of course I am, do I look like it?" Lili sighed, having gotten used to [name]'s new behavior. Normally she was a rather sweet soul, but the pregnancy gave her an 'I don't care' attitude. "I'm sorry Lili. I'm just stressed and worried and tired."
"It's all fine. It'll mellow out in around two months after the baby's born." Lili giggled. [Name] gave another sigh. "Today's Saturday isn't it? He should be coming around soon for a nice visit."
Altair's Way of Romance (Altair x reader) Part 8Groggily opening your eyes, you scanned the room you were in with a blurred vision. You groaned at the piercing feeling you had on your throbbing head. Glancing around the now clear room, you realized you were in Malik and Kadar's room. You hastily tried getting up, but groaning at the spinning room.Altair's Way of Romance (Altair x reader) Part 83 years ago in Romance More Like This
"Wouldn't try that, if I were you." Malik said, scaring the day lights out of you. You carefully turned your head, finding him near his desk and toying with his hidden blade.
"What....what happened?" You asked, touching your bandaged head. It was pretty nicely done...none other than Malik's precise hands.
"You passed out. You hit your head pretty hard, that's why you have bandages...now stop touching them." He answered sternly. You quickly lowered your hands, not wanting to anger him.
"Altair brought you here-" He started, but you cut him off.
"He was here?!" You gasped.
"Who else brought you here?" He scoffed. You lowered your head in embarrassment.
Kenny x Reader - My Angel - Chapter 4Kenny x Reader - My Angel - Chapter 42 years ago in Romance More Like This
Dear Lovely reader,
I had to start all over again! UGH! I accidentally closed the tab and I was almost done but my hot mess of a self ruined everything! So annoying, I hate myself so much right now but I hope you like this one because I'm making it better than the one I closed the tab of without saving so yeah! Please enjoy!
I knew it...he hates my guts and for that he ditched me...
I let the rain pour on me, soaking my small physique even further than it already was. I felt my (f/c) dress cling on to my shivering body, causing me to shake vigorously as the wind brushed past me and making my blood run cold, although that penetrating chill didn't compare to the pain my heart break brought me. How could I let
Seven Mintunes in Heaven. TailsxYoung!ReaderSeven Mintunes in Heaven. TailsxYoung!Reader3 years ago in Settings More Like This
As you reached into the hate, a metal bar touched your hand. You grabbed
it and pulled out a rench. You were a little young to be playing this game
but otherse were doing it so it shouldn't matter. Right? You looked around
and saw the two tailed fox walk up to you. "H-hi ____. Ready?" He said
offering his hand to you.
You grabbed it and walked into the closet as Sonic closed it. You waited
quietly, not knowing what to do. Tails wrapped his tails around himself
shyly. He looked so cute when he was shy.
His blue eyes looked in to your (e/c) shimmering ones. "Um what should we
do. We have seven mintunes. You said, looking at him. "Uh well...I don't
know...we're a little young for this game...p-plus..." He studdered.
"I don't think you would like someone like me." He said looking down again.
"I'm to quiet, and shy, and busy...Thanks to Sonic." He said. "Plus I
don't know if your parents would like it if I went out with there 8 year
You looked at him and smiles a little, hugg
Brawn: Request!~Brick ran, the pitter patter of the feet hitting the ground calming him almost.Brawn: Request!~4 years ago in Settings More Like This
He had been doing laps around the camp, going a different route each time. This time, he was going to run passed the confessional. As he started coming upon it, he heard faint sobbing.
The noise made him stop in his tracks, almost tripping over himself.
"H-Hello?" He called.
The sniffles stopped, "Yes..?" a voice called back from the confessional.
"Are you okay Ma'am?" Brick could tell the voice was one of the girl, but wasn't sure which one.
"Mind coming out? I can talk with you?"
"Well sure!" Brick beamed a smile from ear to ear. "Why not?"
The confessional door swung open showing Brick the crier.
It was Dawn. The cute little blonde flower child. She looked to the ground, her eyes red and puffy. Her bottom lip quivered.
"Hey, why you cryin'?" Brick kinda knelt down to her, holing his knees with his feet.
"I was framed!" Dawn cried, "I didn't steal that stuff!"
Brick remembered bac
My Prince - Egypt x Reader - DrabbleMy Prince - Egypt x Reader - Drabble2 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
Egypt x Reader Drabble
From just the slight flap of the carpets rims below the man’s feet, Gupta had favourably achieved into getting to settle his large, mild lips onto the petite, tender female ones from the balcony she was leaning up upon.
In that instant, he felt as if he had immersed himself deeper in affection than the quick sand which had withdrawn both of the lovers from each other. Both of them being like the legendary star-crossed lovers, in which their fate was draped and engraved in the small, humble stars which ignited the dimming night sky with miniature flecks of light.
But it was grimly sly to do this sort of act outside of the parents’ households, even if they loved each other with both their heart’s gratification.
After all, the woman he treasured had to shamefully accept an arranged marriage to a man she had yet to come across, be acquainted with or even love.
And it was a shame that she was overly enamoured with the short-spoken and
la marginacionla marginacion5 years ago in Emotional More Like This
Me pone furiosa el poner todo de mi parte y que las cosas simplemente salgan mal
Detesto tanto a las personas que sólo se preocupan por mirarte de pies a cabeza, buscando tus defectos para después ir a divulgarlos cuando ya los demás saben que los tienes. Odio que esas personas solo se centren en las cosas malas y se olviden que somos humanos y que ninguno ha llegado a la perfección. Me gustaría que, en lugar de eso, se interesaran por ver tus virtudes e imitarlas
Aborrezco que todos veamos con distintos ojos el mundo. Maldigo mi condena a ver las cosas distinto a los demás; maldigo ver en los ojos de las personas más de lo que debería. Me irrita que las otras personas sean tan complejas y superficiales.
Pero lo que más me puede enfurecer, lo que odio más en toda la existencia es que entre nosotros mismos nos marginemos y tratemos como si en nuestro ser no existiera una sola pizca de humanidad.
Dirty Little Secret (Jeff X Reader part three)Jeff leads off the kiss, a light pink blush on his white cheeks, while you're face is red as tomato.Dirty Little Secret (Jeff X Reader part three)3 years ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
A few days have passed since you and jeff kissed. he didn't seem to hate you or anything afterwards. Jeff seemed to like you more now.(But something bad is on the way.)
You hear a car door, you though it was the neibors, so you disregaurd it, but it isn't.
"(Insert name)! Its your father, and starr! we are back!" you dad exclaims, you, starteld, try to run and hide jeff."Hey, darling? What are you doing?"jeff says while you push him into the closet, closing the door. "Yes father, I'm here!" You yell loud enough so your father could hear you.
"Hey, dipshit, did you go in my room at all?: starr yelled walking up the stairs to your room."No asswipe, I diddn't!" You yell, starr slaming open your locked door, you getting ready for a beating.
"Well, runt, looks like your trying to hide something?"
"N-no, i'm not, I swere starr!"
starr hits you upside the head, you fall uncontious, jeff watchi