This is for people who want to make Kamen Riders OCs that fit into the Kamen Rider Dragon Knight Universe but are bad drawers. This is basiclly a Template for profiles. Feel free to download and use this to create you own Kamen Rider OC.
Some time in the future I will update the questions again. This interview is way too long. I've been obsessing over my characters lately. I think that Christina is this thing called a Mary Sue... I need an objective outside opinion, but don't know anyone who is willing to give me honest feedback. I've lost sleep over this matter. ~~~~~ File: 2.6
Animus loading... Loaded Processing... Information Processed Accessing Memory... Accessed
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hello Miss, can you tell me where you are? Shhh... Jerusalem...
Can you tell me your name? No.
How old are you? 19
If you had to describe yourself as though you were talking about someone else, what would you say? The fat whore with unusually dull green eyes.
How do you feel today? Uptight... please, be quite for a moment. *Pressed against wall*
Are you doing anything important at the moment? Shh! *Group of knights pass*
Are you free to answer a few more questions? I am now... what do you want?
Are you slow to anger or easy to annoy? Sorry... it just depends on my mood... by the way my name is Adha, what is your name?
Narr: Eh, Farah.
How do you handle anger? Not well...
Is it alright if I ask some personal questions? For instance, about your family and home life? ...I don't have...
Do you have any family members? No... they've all been killed.
Could you name them and tell me what relation they are to you? I don't remember their names. I was very young when it all happened.
Do you own any pets? Just a lovely arabian I call Cyran.
How much power do you wield at home? I have no home.
In the workplace? I am the lead dancer in a brothel....
In social situations? I am precise. It is how I must be.
What class are you, financially? I am the bottom of the barrel... though once... once I was a princess...
What color would you say your hair is? Black. A dull black.
And your eyes? Greyish green.
Would you say you have fair or tanned skin? Eh, well, a little tanned.
How tall are you? Not very tall. I'm about average. 5'4"
Do you think you are heavier than 120 pounds? Possibly.
Do you think you are heavier than 140 pounds? I'm not sure.
Do you think you are heavier than 180? Probably not.
Do you think you are heavier than 200 pounds? No.
Would you call yourself muscular, thin, or fat? Undesirably muscular for some. I find it useful.
Could you describe what you are wearing? A traditional golden sharqyat and hijab.
Do you feel powerless in your life? Sometimes... despite of everything.
Do you think people admire you? No... they only wish to use me for my powers.
Do you admire anyone? 0///0 N-no *terrible liar* I... no one...
Narr: It is okay, I won't tell.
W-well... h-his name is *looks around suspiciously* Altair... .///.
Would you prefer to live a quite life or one filled with danger and adventure? I would like a quiet life... but my disposition will never allow this.
Would you consider yourself confrontational or passive? Passive... I don't want to draw attention. Please, follow me if you wish to live. *calmly quickens pace down an alleyway*
What is your level of education? I... well... I'm rather stupid to be honest. I can't read, write, or do math... well, Altair is attempting to teach me... *Templar guards swarm the streets*
Would you consider yourself more book smart, or street smart? Definitely street smarts. Can you climb?
Narr: 0-0 What? *gets grabbed and dragged up side of building.* Oh dear.
Are you happy with your life? At the moment no... but we draw happiness through appreciation, through enduring suffering.
Can you describe the place you live? I live in a large city with many little nooks, good for hiding. *Peers down to see she has lost the knights*
Are you optimistic or pessmistic? I can be a little of both. *sits, still tense*
Do you have romantic interest in anyone? .///. Didn't you already ask that?
Narr: Teehee, you really like Altair don't you?
Silence! Its just... he's the first person that has ever really been kind to me. I'm just grateful, really.
Narr: *stares with a smile* Riiight.
Are you in a monogamous relationship with anyone? No.
Do you wish to marry one day? I cannot marry.
Do you want to have children? Poor things. No.
How many children do you want to have? I cannot have any. It would be too dangerous.
Are you romantically interested in men? Well, yes.
Are you romantically interested in women? I don't much care for other women. They are too finicky, fickles, and frivilous...
If you could be an animal, what kind of animal would you be? I would like to be an eagle, or a hawk. I wish to fly from here...
Why? I want to be free.
What are your worst habits? I like to procrastinate, and I cannot seem to pull myself out of the darkness once I'm in it.
Narr: So, who pulls you out? *not so curious face*
.////. No one. *terrible liar*
What are your best qualities? I have none.
What is your favorite place? *slight smile*
Narr: Omagosh you're smiling! LOL!
Sush! You'll attract attention!
What is your least favorite place? Down in the crowds at high noon... there is a... *rises swiftly at the sound of a woman screaming for help*
What is your favorite color? It is alright to have more than one. I love red and white... and hazel.... *runs down rampart and jumps down into a narrow street. A young girl is being attacked* Leave her be, you'll want to quarrel more with me any how!
Attacker: So I will, you're the one we're all looking for aren't you? *kicks girl*
*attacks, draws sword, stabs man swiftly in chest, man dies*
Narr: I take it that means we're in big trouble...
Why? Why what?
Narr: Oh, that was for the favorite color question.
I see. *turns to young girl* Are you alright?
Girl: *terrified, speechless*
Let us get you out of here before another guard shows up. I know a place you'll be safe. *helps girl up, carries on back* By the way Farah, I like them because they are the colors of my allies...
Do you have any friends? Just a few... I trust them with my life every day.
How long does it take to gain your trust? A very, very long time. *Soon stops in front of a screen door* Please the man with the water before you please the man with the gold!
*Door opens, carries girl in*
What is your favorite food? I like fooga. *sets girl down, many courtesans come to help the girl*
Courtesan 1: Adha, you've saved another one? You realize this will cause trouble for us!
I realize, but I could never-
Courtesan 1: I know, you and your morality. It will get you killed one day if you do it so wrecklessly all the time!
What is your favorite drink? I like red teas.
Can you name one thing you like to do? I like to be alone... *leaves*
Can you name something you don't like? The state of the world.
If there was one thing about your LOOKS that you could change, what would it be? Everything. I am the typical definition of ugly, which is why when I dance I have to wear a mask.
If there was one thing about your PERSONALITY that you could change, what would it be? I wish I was stronger... and more optimistic...
What is the best thing that has ever happened to you? The best thing? When I met... I mean... nothing. *terrible liar*
What is the most traumatic thing that has ever happened to you? When I was born. My life has been nothing but one long terrible event.
Has your life changed in any way recently? If so, what brought on this change? I have become hunted. *now on a balcony observing Jerusalem at sunset*
What kind of people do you think will like you? Only those who blindly seek power.
What is the most important goal in your life? To bring this war to an end... even if I have to die for it to happen.
If something were to happen to deflect you from reaching your goal, how would you get back on track? I will not stop until I have at least driven these Templar back from whence they came!
What are you most afraid of? ...dying alone...
What do you like to do as a hobby? I like to sing, when no one is around of course. My voice is quite nasty.
If you were to get in a fight with a strong wrestler, do you think you'd win? I don't know... I would try.
Would you consider yourself impulsive? Sometimes... I try not to be, but I can't stand to see others get hurt.
Finish these sentences:
"The most important thing in life is... protecting life."
"If thereâs one thing that makes me mad it's... needless cruelty and greed."
"I would lose interest in life if... I haven't much interest in life to being with, but if there were no horses, flowers or trees."
"I can usually get myself out of trouble by... fighting."
"If I encounter a problem in life I work through it by... testing different methods until I find the one that works."
"I donât like people who... are cruel."
"I like people who... are kind."
"My most pressing need right now is... I wish I could talk to him... just talk to him right now." *holding arms, tears in eyes*
"One thing I'm determined to achieve in the next month is... I don't see that far ahead."
"One thing I'm determined to achieve in the next year is... I want to end this war..."
The final question:
Do you have any special powers or abilities? Why do you ask that? *tense*
Narr: It is just a question...
I-I am the Chalice... the one who will bring the worlds together. The one who will finally end all of this... if I can be brave... if I can endure a little longer.
This is the character interview I'd done with Adha. Her character is so much deeper than I anticipated before I started this project.
I've been working SO FRIGGEN HARD on the Holes in the Mind project. I feel it is pointless at times to continue!
It is an assignment I've given myself where I have decided to test out all of the writing techniques I can in this story before I try it on my actual works. I have given Adha a past, and personality based on a DAYS OF RESTLESS RESEARCH and careful psychological analysis. If you would like to more about the Holes in the Mind Project, please feel free to visit my gallery, the folder, The Writers Mind.
Your interest in my work means absolutely everything to me. It truly, truly does.
Oh, the picture... where did I get it... er... Assassin's Wiki? Yes. It isn't mine, and that isn't actually how I see Adha... I will draw her and post her soon.
This story was a gift to mikakitty for her fabulous 31st birthday. Mika asked for a tale of Valkyries and the old Norse gods, and I was happy to oblige. Be sure to download the PDF version, which has the illustrated frontispiece and illustrations by Lorenz Frølich!
Hrist and Mist I want my horn to bring to me; Skeggold and Skogul, Hild and Thrud, Hlok and Heifjoter, Gol and Geirahod, Randgrid and Radgrid, And Reginleif; These bear ale to the einherjars
Among the slain on the blood-soaked earth could be found the dying ones, nearly powerless in the face of inevitable death and yet void of destiny. Spirit they had not, sense they had not, blood they had not, motion they had not. Thence came the maidens, the Valkyrjur, choosers of the elected, choosers of the slain. Ölrún, daughter of Kjárr who was king of the Valir, led their number, and it was she who went to the great mead-hall that had been overtaken by battle to claim those within. She had come for their lord, but was waylaid by another who lay across him.
Alone she sat without hope, dying from many wounds, eyes glazed. A sword she clenched in one hand, a cloven shield in the other. "Stay a moment, stranger," said she.
"What wouldst thou ask of me?" said Ölrún, daughter of Kjárr. "Why temptest thou me to stray from my appointed duty?"
"I am pledged to yield this place to none, be they man or woman, and I wouldst know thy name before I strike it from thee."
Ölrún laughed a harsh laugh. "What couldst thou hope to do, thou who are bled out and soon embraced by death? I am Ölrún, daughter of Kjárr, head of this host of Valkyrjur. We are bade by Odin the Valfather to rule over this victory and choose from among those who are slain who is to be borne to Valhalla as einherjar, there to feast and battle with life eternal until Ragnarök comes to the seat of the gods and they issue forth to join the Valfather in the end of battles and the end of days. The others are bound for Fólkvangr, the afterlife field of wise Freyja."
"Kára I am called, 'the wild,' 'the stormy one,' 'the curly one,' my hair and temperament tangled therein to earn it. As I fell I saw thee from afar coming, the Valkyrjur, ready over the winds to bear those for Valhalla and Odin's table. But from thine own lips did I wish to hear this."
"Then heard it thou hast," replied Ölrún. "Now stay thy tongue as I tend to my work."
"Stay a moment, Ölrún, daughter of Kjárr, Valkyrja of Odin," said Kára. "I wouldst speak and treat with thee."
"We of the helmets battleworn, we of the coat-of-mail glistening with gold, we of unsheathed swords and bannered spears borne on swans' wings see to our duty amid the slain where they lay and where they feast," said Ölrún. "We do not speak, nor do we treat, with the dead or with the living save to name ourselves and our work."
"But by thine own admission I am bled out and soon for death," said Kára. "Therefore neither living nor dead am I, but betwixt and between. Sayest thine code aught of those neither living nor dead?"
Ölrún considered this riddle, and she did alight from her rounds near the place where Kára did lie. "Well spoke if not well met, Kára," said she. "Speak, then, if thou art so determined to be heard."
"I ask a boon of thee, Ölrún, daughter of Kjárr, though not a boon unearned."
"Valkyrjur do not grant boons for any to which they are not sworn," said Ölrún. "Many have asked, many have sought parley and bargain. None have been honored so, and it will not be thee who is the first."
"Then there is naught to be lost in the listening."
"There is naught to be gained, either. But I will hear this boon that thee might have thine denial, that thee might be satisfied, and that thee might allow my work to unimpeded resume."
"My boon is this: wouldst thou hear my story and allow me one final question?"
Ölrún, daughter of Kjárr, didst consider this. It was no more than she had already granted, in allowing herself into conversation be drawn, and as a Valkyrja she had answered many questions of the dead souls she bore to the Valfather as einherjar. "Speak then. I shall stop thee if it become wearisome."
"Two kings made war on each other," said Kára. "One was Gunnar Harefoot, aged and ruthless but oft believed beloved of Odin, who promised victory many a time through devotion to the Valfather. The other was Agnar Hodasson, a brother of Hoda Hodasson, whom no divinity wouldst patronize."
As a Valkyrja, Ölrún was privy to much but not all; thus she bade the dying woman continue, for this was a tale unknown to her.
"Seasons past, Hoda Hodasson set forth with his brother's blessing and under his brother's name to make good on his boast to raid Eystribyggð for tribute and treasure. But he was seized by a sudden madness and put Hvalsey Farm to the sword after they had paid for their freedom in gald, and in so doing desecrated a runestone raised in the Valfather's name. Word spread of the deed, and many believed that henceforth Odin wouldst never allow Agnar victory in battle. When Gunnar Harefoot marched on Agnar Hodasson, few wouldst answer their lord's call. All but the most loyal of his jarls and housecarls didst desert him."
"This part of the tale I do know," Ölrún said. "For these are Agnar Hodasson's jarls and housecarls who lay about this place, slain in their duties to their master, are they not?"
"No," said Kára. "They were cut down as they fled, their oaths forgotten in the face of Gunnar Harefoot. My father was to Agnar sworn. I was to Agnar sworn. We were all that by him stood when the end glinted in sharp steel."
"Alone?" Ölrún did survey the carnage, which she had thought to be the toil of many swords.
"Agnar was laid low early with wounds, and my father bent with age and the cares of a long hard life. When they didst fall, I stood above them with sword and shield. Until I was overwhelmed, and my sworn charges put to the sword."
"What wouldst thou ask of me, then, in honor of such a deed?" asked the Valkyrjur, curious.
"Takest me, O Valkyrja, to Asgard as an einherjar of the Valfather. Let me leave to enter the great Hall of the Slain, Valhalla, that I might be with those to whom I was sworn. Let me behold, with mine own eyes, the five hundred forty doors, the endless glory of battle. Let me partake, as I partook upon this field, in the eternal honors and glories of righteous battle. Let we who wouldst not foreswear our oaths, but bound them in blood, be made whole at the Valfather's table, to feast upon Sæhrimnir's flesh and Læradir's nectar. Let me take up the place I have earned beneath Glasir's boughs, for thou seest spread out before thee the evidence of my deeds in battle. Let me ride once more to battle with my kin when the Gjallarhorn doth sound and Ragnarok doth begin." Kara's words were not a plea, for there was no pleading upon her visage. Nor were they an order, for despite her curt manner she had maintained the proper tone of respect. Hers was a tone firm but understated, a laborer asking their wage after a hard day in the fields.
"That is not thy place, nor thy request to make." Ölrún's words, by contrast, glinted as polished sunlit steel and growled with the menace of the battleborn. "In recognition of thy deeds, thou shalt be borne to Fólkvangr, abode of Freyja, there to keep company in the hall of Sessrúmnir with the less-honored slain, with Þorgerðr Egilsdóttir and others among the honored slain."
"By thy leave, Ölrún, daughter of Kjárr, Valkyrja of Odin the Valfather, I cannot accept," replied Kára.
"Thou wouldst dare refuse such a generous offer, one hardly ever extended to those such as thyself?" cried Ölrún.
"I wouldst. For I wouldst rather go to Hel with those who perished wickedly or in bed than to forsake that which my actions and oaths have earned. I wouldst rather speak to Hel herself of the injustices of our world than repose in shame in Fólkvangr."
"Then thou shalt receive what thou hast earned with thy impudence: naught." Ölrún, bent to hiss her reply, bore a visage as wrought stone beneath her winged helm. "Nothing."
"I had feared such wouldst be thy reply, Ölrún, daughter of Kjárr, Valkyrja of Odin the Valfather," said Kára sadly. "I had hoped I wouldst not have to use my last recourse to obtain what is rightfully mine."
Ölrún was about to ask what that might be when she realized that the scabbard at her side was empty. While she had been drawn close in parlay with Kára, the latter had slipped shining Grimmhundr from its carefully oiled scabbard. Forged by an elder Svartálfaheimr whose name was unknown to all save himself, Grimmhundr was one of the Thirteen Sisters--blades commissioned by the Valfather himself from the blood of the righteously slain commingled with deep adaman. Ölrún had borne it without cease since it had fallen from the grasp of Viðrnipt at the Battle of Åland, and it could only be raised by a hand that was both pure and proven in battle.
Using Grimmhundr as a crutch, Kára struggled to her feet. Her wounds oozed anew at the effort, spilling forth yet more ichor and shortening her few moments left with each spasm, but she succeeded in getting to her feet. Then, balancing before the astonished Valkyrja, Kára pointed the sword at her exposed throat in a perfect swordsman's move.
The only weapons left to Ölrún were Hvasskvistr, the long spear forged from the tongue of great Jörmungandr's twentieth son, and a small hunting-knife, both of which put her at a serious disadvantage against even a wounded foe at such close range. All Kára had to do was thrust, and she could end Ölrún.
"So is that it? Thou wouldst threaten me to gain entrance to the Valfather's sacred halls? Surely thou must know that such a cowardly move couldst never succeed."
"No," gasped Kára. "Ölrún, daughter of Kjárr, Valkyrja of Odin the Valfather, I only bare steel against thee to ask for a chance to prove my worth. Let me face thee in single combat, that I might prove in thine sight and the Valfather's that I am worthy of what I ask."
Ölrún considered this. "Very well, then," she said. "I will let thee taste of the Valfather's mead that thou need not face me burdened by thine wounds. But heed my words: shouldst thee lose, neither Valhalla nor Fólkvangr will await thee, only Hel and oblivion. That must be thy choice. Wilt thou accept these terms?"
Kára nodded. "I will, and thank thee for thine kindness."
Ölrún, daughter of Kjárr, Valkyrja of Odin the Valfather, took back gleaming Grimmhundr from Kára's grasp, gave her a draught of the Valfather's mead from her drinking horn, and gave her a moment to select for herself arms and armor from among the slain. None would have stood but the slightest blow from Grimmhundr or Hvasskvistr, but in the twilight betwixt life and death all things were possible.
They bowed deeply to each other, and combat was joined.
Looking up, Kára saw that Ölrún had leapt at her, moving with incredible speed. Ölrún's blade met Kára's in a savage blow, sending the latter's weapon skittering across the battlefield.
Kára was able to wriggle away, though, ducking and rolling toward her fallen blade.
In response, Ölrún brandished the full length of bright Hvasskvistr, her spear, thrusting it at her foe's low and vulnerable face.
The blow was not quick enough; Kára felt a stinging wind above her from the blow but neither her purpose nor her momentum were impaired save for a momentary breathlessness, and she charged a few steps ahead, drawing the mace she had selected as a fallback and casting bright Hvasskvistr out of Ölrún's hand, though her follow-through attempt at a blow was nimbly avoided.
"A worthy foe," Kára grunted.
"How dost thou find this?" Ölrún snapped back.
Her mailed hand, spread, thrust toward Kára's chest; Kára saw too late the hilt of Grimmhundr clasped by the Valkyrja's fist in a reverse grip. A bright bolt of silver light flashed between them, and Kára found herself thrown twenty feet, leaving a trail of grass and dirt where she skidded to a painful stop.
"Pathetic," Ölrún said. Turning on her heel, she began to approach with a slow, heavy step as Kára struggled to collect herself and get up. "That which is skill against a mortal is nothing against the Valkyrja."
Kára said nothing, wheezing as she tried to make her left arm respond from its limp position by her side, where it had been paralyzed by the intense strike of Grimmhundr.
Ölrún produced something from around her neck, flashing it in the sun. "This sigil is bestowed by the Valfather upon the worthy," she said. "I didst not earn it in the palty shieldmaidenry in which thou as a mortal hast partaken. As laudable and impressive as thy efforts against mortal opponents may be, they are as nothing now."
Twitching, Kára's arm still refused to respond to her summons, and with one leg twisted beneath her, there was no righting herself without it as Ölrún's calm, deliberate steps brought her to within a few paces.
Desperate for time as her limbs recovered from Ölrún's powerful blow, Kára looked up at her and spoke. "But are not all Valkyrja the daughters of mortal princes?" she cried. "Why is your idleness to be rewarded while my valor is not?" Ölrún was mere steps from Kára now. Crushed and flopping, her left arm and right leg felt pins and needles but showed no more inclination to move.
"We are the daughters of the Æsir," said Ölrún. She fell to one knee, Grimmhundr held up and clasped in a firm forward grip to deliver the killing blow, glowing and shimmering slightly with silvery radiance. "It is our birthright."
"A birthright is naught but an invitation to weakness," said Kára. "It is only through the making and keeping of oaths that true honor can be found."
"Weakness? Foolish mortal, it is not weakness. It is strength! Only from a strong seed canst a mighty tree grow, and only from birthright can a Valkyrja come." Ölrún's face was almost touching Kára's now. "Blood will, inevitably, out. Does it not make thee feel wonderful, O Kára, to have one such as I be the glorious battle that ends thee?"
"Truly?" Kára said, with a bitter laugh. "It does. Thank you."
Kára's attack caught Ölrún completely off guard. She lashed out with her newly motile left arm, still aflame from the impact of Ölrún's last attack, and followed by shifting her weight to her left leg and sweeping the right one. With a howl, Ölrún was knocked off balance and then sent crashing down, while Kára was able to use her momentum to regain her footing.
Limping desperately across the open stony field, Kára made it to her sword and picked it up. Ölrún had taken a moment to find her footing as well, and came up with several new scrapes and cuts. This time, though, Kára didn't trust to luck: she attacked at once, swinging at the Valkyrja and landing several powerful blows.
Ölrún cried out and stumbled backward. She lashed out with her blade again, but the expected silvery flame flickered and died before the weak blow could be struck. The next strike from Kára's blade knocked it cleanly from the Valkyrja's grasp.
"I will have what is mine, what has been earned!" Kára said through the percussive music of combat. "Yield!"
In response, Ölrún swayed as if drunk on the Valfather's finest mead, before collecting herself. "Pray, do not think thou hast done anything but inconvenience me," she growled. "I shalt end thee you with my bare hands if need be."
Ölrún charged again; Kára sidestepped, but she had miscalculated and came down awkwardly on a leg still half asleep. Pivoting quickly, Ölrún delivered a vicious kick to the weakened leg. Kára stumbled backwards, the bones of her right shin shattering noisily.
Drawing her hunting knife, Ölrún sneered at Kára in a rage. "None can better a Valkyrja of the Valfather, least of all a mortal weakling!"
Kára kept up the rhythm of steel upon steel, parrying Ölrún's knife even as her right side sagged on a broken leg.
"Silence your pathetic struggling," Ölrún continued. Her mailed fist reached out with a speed that Kára would never have been able to muster, snatched the blade from the very fingers that held it. With a mighty blow worthy of the great sagas, Ölrún smashed the stolen blade onto a hard stone nearby.
"No!" Kára cried despairingly.
Ölrún, knife in hand, closed in to finish the work and end the duel. moments before striking the blow, though, she stopped. Confused, she looked down.
Kára had taken up one of the shards of her shattered blade. Though it had nearly severed her fingers to do so, she had pressed it home between the chinks in the Valkyrja's armor, which were now spattered with bright blood.
"Yield," Kára whispered gently. "Yield, O Ölrún, daughter of Kjárr, Valkyrja of Odin the Valfather."
"Truly, thou hast bested me," gasped Ölrún with a weak but sincere smile. "It seems thy request was perhaps not as insolent as it first appeared."
"What shall be done, then?" said Kára. "Shall I receive my just reward in death?"
"That…is for the Valfather to decide," said Ölrún. "I yield thee to his justice."
There are some who say that, in his anger, the Valfather cast Kára down into Hel, whence she became one of the most feared enforcers in that dread realm. There are some who say Kára was given over to Fólkvangr, where wise Freyja made her chief huntress and captain of her guard. But those who hear the far-off and distant horns of Valhalla on clear moonlit nights, those to whom the Valfather whisperes as their lifeblood spills on the fields of glorious battle, know that at least one woman rides with the chosen Einherjar host of Odin the Valfather, and that she did so by both word and deed.
General Data Birth Name: Known Alias: Age: Originality: Homeworld: Current Status: Current Residence: Spoken Languages:
Physical Data Species: Race: Gender: Height: Weight: Physical Age: Physical Attractiveness: Physique: Complexion: Hair Color: Eyes Color: Physical Strength: Non-Natural Abilities: Distinguishing Features: Known Illnesses or Conditions: Known Augmentations: Extra Anatomy:
Personality Intelligence Level: Mental Condition: Emotional Condition: Emotional State: Sociability: General Outlook: Sexual Orientation: Mental Peculiarities: Known Fears: Known Superstitions: Known Addictions: Ambition Level:
Biographical Data Date of Birth: Place of Birth: Ethnicity: Birth Father: Birth Mother: Birth Order: Known Immediate Family: Parents: Brothers: Sisters: Marital Status: Children: Social Standing: Known Titles: Current Employer: Occupational Title: Years of Service: Religion: Political Affiliation: Allegiance: Permenant Residence: Educational Level: Known Languages: Talents and Skills: Martial Training: Hobbies and Interests:
1) No using the flaming battle axe as an emergency skillet 2) No dual-wielding two-handed weapons, even if I figure out how to within the rules. 3) Hengeyokai are not for making catgirls and bunny girls. -a. And I am not allowed to fill a mansion with either or both. 4) Not allowed to use Warforged as cannon fodder with the justification "We can rebuild him!" 5) Just because I can, doesn't mean I should take Arcane Admixture so many times that Magic Missile deals nearly every damage type possible 6) My Warlock can have an Infernal Pact. He cannot be Legion and speak in the third person collective. -a. Nor can the Warforged. 7) My Warlock will not describe his pact as having made a demon/devil/evil star/fairy/vestige his bitch. 8) If we encounter a female fox hengeyokai with a high charisma, I will refer to her by name and not constantly call her the foxy lady. 9) Zeppelins do not exist in Forgotten Realms. I am not allowed to build one from canvas and fire elementals. -a. And if I did, it would not be used for battle or partying. 10) The Warlock is not Faust. His girlfriend is not automatically named Gretchen. 11) Rangers cannot make longbow shots from horseback. Especially by standing upright on the saddle. 12) The ranger's companion animal is not the emergency rations. -a. Even though we can keep on resurrecting it. 13) If the elf wizard is obsessed with dragons, I cannot keep casting dragon illusions to make him shut up. -a. Nor can I claim that random NPCs are actually dragons in disguise. 14) Cannot set the powergamers against each other. -a. Even if it is absolutely hilarious. 15) When confronted by a fort full of alerted soldiers, making an intimidate check does not work 16) Not allowed to torch a village for the hell of it 17) Trying to break myself out of a brig is a bad idea 18) No matter how many times I ask, the DM will not let me list my alignment as Sarcastic Good 19) Cannot soak the powergamer in barbecue sauce and feed him to the dragon. Even if he deserves it 20) Cannot take weapon proficiency in torch 21) Shade vampires do not have vulnerability to torches. Not even if they're wearing black cloaks. 22) Cannot fill a Bag of Holding with lava 23) Cannot build a flamethrower from a wind elemental and alchemical fire 24) Cannot soak a fireproof object with alchemical fire for a reusable fireball. Even if it does deal more damage and can be used more often than the spell 25) When confronted with a black-cloaked figure on a hilltop, I will not immediately stab him and set him on fire 26) Cannot talk the assassins into killing their employer. Nor can I buy out their contract 27) Cannot use spells dealing radiant damage to cook. Food prepared this way is not deadly poison to evil-aligned creatures. 28) Cannot distract enemy forces with a massive tea ceremony. Can't summon succubus or nymph strippers, either. 29) The distraction cannot cost more than the actual operation. 30) Just because I can, I should not call my attacks 31) When summoning creatures, cannot shout the creature's name at the top of my voice. 32) Bardic music spells cannot be directly applied to the improvement of a stealth check 33) What checks to roll for sex is left to the DM's discretion 34) Just because the skald has high charisma and an aura, that aura is not automatically "Sexy and I Know it", "Bringing Sexy Back", or any other song extolling the singer or anybody else's sexiness. 35) I should not cast Animate Object on the fighter's sword. Even if it would boost his intelligence 36) I will not, under any circumstances, ask the female rogue if I can see all her knives. 37) Cannot cast Levitate on the barmaid's skirt. Or any other part of her. 38) Cannot pick my nose with anything bigger than my nose, no matter how well I roll 39) Cannot cast Invisibility on somebody's clothes. 40) No matter how well I roll, I cannot produce a ninja log in the middle of a hostage situation. 41) Cannot refer to the revenant Warlord as Commander Shepard 42) The changeling cannot see my deepest fears so I should refrain from calling it Pennywise. 43) The changeling's shapeshifting powers are to be used for disguise purposes only 44) Cannot cook off of the fire genasi's back. Or any other part 45) Cannot forge a flaming skillet, no matter how handy it could be. 46) If we accidentally set off the alarm, I cannot immediately turn into the largest creature possible and begin wreaking havoc. -a. Exception: Unless this is the agreed-upon distraction 47) If I have a plot-ending power, I will use it as quickly as possible. I will NOT forget about it until after the grueling final boss fight. 48) If afflicted by friendly anti-zombie spells, I cannot ally myself with the zombies and help them kill the person responsible. 49) I cannot "accidentally" frag somebody outside of combat. Even if they totally deserved it 50) No matter how well I roll my stealth check, I cannot vanish from right in front of somebody. -a. Spells allowing this are another story 51) When caught flatfooted, I should not yell "Look! A distraction!" and run away. It rarely ends well and usually just annoys them more. 52) Cannot use my polearm for pole vaulting 53) Cannot leave in the middle of a fight to go brood in the Feywild 54) Cannot leave in the middle of a fight for any reason 55) Cannot summon swarms of birds, equip them with firepots, and use them as bombers. This applies to any swarm of flying creature. -a. Even the Swarm Druid 56) Cannot refer to the Swarm Druid as the Worm that Walks 57) Changelings cannot become weapons. I should stop asking one to transform into a scythe 58) Warforged Druids shouldn't be ordered to roll out 59) Rogues in service to the Raven Queen are not fate ninjas. I should stop referring to them as such 60) If I worship Tymora, scoring with every woman I meet is not an acceptable form of worship 61) Fighters in service to the Raven Queen are not deathknights. I should stop referring to them as such 62) If I am a vampire worshiping the god of forethought, I cannot take weapon proficiency in fish -a. Actually, I cannot take weapon proficiency in fish, period 63) Referring to the goddess of lust as the celestial stripper, while true, is frowned upon 64) The revenant does not come with build-in armor. Nor does the Warforged 65) Good-aligned Warforged do not have the Autobot symbol on their body somewhere; nor do evil-aligned Warforged have the Decepticon symbol 66) Warforged do not have to obey the Three Laws of Robotics 67) Cannot use illusion magic to "enhance" female characters' assets -a. Outside of specific situations where it would come in handy. --i. These situations do not occur very often 68) The Bard cannot specialize in Electric Lute -a. Or electric anything, for that matter 69) Cannot use this list as a checklist of things to try 70) Dwarven assassins cannot use their beards as garrote wire. 71) Dwarven monks cannot make unarmed attacks with their beards. 72) The Pun Mage is not a thing.
Inspired by 2000 Things Mr. Welch Can No Longer Do in a Roleplaying Game
A bunch of jokes I came up with regarding my favorite and possibly least healthy hobby: Dungeons and Dragons. I will gladly explain stuff anybody is unclear on.
List of references (possibly incomplete): 3) Playboy and the catgirl obsession 6) The Bible and Mass Effect 2 9) One line from the Party Rock Anthem 10) The play Faust (obviously) 21) The Lord of the Rings 26) The Lord of the Rings 41) Mass Effect 2 again 42) It by Stephen King. Feel free to correct me on this one 56) HP Lovecraft. Don't ask. 57) The anime Soul Eater 58) Transformers 59) The RPG Exalted 61) Exalted again 62) The RPG Vampires: The Masquerade 65) Transformers again
Some of these are in-jokes for me, either for things I've done or seen done in sessions or things I've wanted to do: 13) I played with a guy like this. Didn't like him anyway, really didn't like him afterwards 14) This once happened at a session before I arrived, without any effort at all. Two of the other players quit it was so bad 15-17) All happened to me and my brother. At the same session. We scrapped the Evil-themed party after that 33) I asked this once, because I was very tired and thought it would be funny. Jury's out on if it should be Athletics, Acrobatics, or Endurance. Or all three 48) I threatened to do this when I played as a revenant, basically a sapient zombie
2) Deserves special mention as it was a rules exploit from D&D 3.5. There's a prestige class called Warshaper that takes a character's given shapeshifting powers and pretty much turns them into Clayface. I realized you could conceivably grow extra arms to dual-wield two-handed weapons.
Just a small list of stuff I can no longer do in D&D. Some of this I tried doing, some of it is simply nonesense. Hopefully all, or at least 90% is humorous. I'll be adding to the list, and if you readers have any suggests, post them. You don't even have to play D&D. If you come up with something you think would be funny, then post it.
Crisis, Anna, and Vivian belong to
Katrika belongs to
and heck with it, there are just to many to name individually. Everyone belongs to their respective owners!
Number 43 was suggested by a good fellow that goes by the name SadisticNerd
And for those of you who have never heard of My Immortal, read it and weep. No, seriously, you will cry. [link]
that night, emily was planning how to escape the room, without alerting the two guards. " there has to be someway to get out of here... but with those two outside, i have to be really careful... " tozouko meanwhile, was thinking as well, thinking about what was causing him to keep this girl with him. To keep her alive and in his care. She was just another thief, he wasn't even sure that emily was her real name! " what in the gods name is happening to me?! I have no reason to help her, or to care about her well being! " tozouko shakes his head. " it doesn't matter, once she has her strength back, I'm just going to send her off. "
several days later.....
" finally! I can stand and move about again... " emily walked around her room and stretched her neglected legs. " OK, you are ready to leave, but before you do, i have an offer for you. " tozouko smiled. " oh? And what would that be? You would be hard pressed to make me an offer i couldn't refuse. " tozouko blinks at the cockiness dancing playfully in her eyes. " well, i just thought i could offer you this. In exchange for you joining me, i won't tell anyone about your..... secret. And before you doubt me, i can and will. I know your the ' shadow dragon ' and you would lose your infamous rep, if i told your secret. " Emily's eyes widen. " so... blackmail huh? I must say good job. Finding the one weak point in my life and using it against me. However. I also know something about YOU. Your the only survivor of the Cul Elna massacre. "
tozouko blinks and smirks. " so, I'm not the only one who did a little research hm? Good to know. You however, you need to choose if your going to take my offer, or leave it. " emily looked at tozouko then seemed to slip into thought. " OK, so my options are either stay with you, and rely on your help, or leave, and have you screw around with my rep... not much of a choice huh? " Emily looks at tozouko. " OK, so... if i DO stay.... what would you do with me? What is it.... that you REALLY want? I know that your not really interested in my skills. I can see it in your eyes. So what is it that you TRULY want thief king? " tozouko smirks. " i must say you are very observant for your age. But if you truly MUST know what i would do with you... i guess i will have to show you... " tozouko steps forward and kisses emily roughly on the lips. " that is just one of the things i would do to you." he runs his thumb over her lips and whispers into her ear. " that was one pleasure.... just imagine the amount of pleasure i could give you... " he pulls back and gives her a playful grin. " I'll let you think on it now... we will talk over dinner, that i assume you will be attending? " emily was far to stunned to say no, so she simply nodded. " good. Until then. " and with that he left.
After tozouko left her room, he leaned against the wall and drew a shuddering breath. what had come over him? Why was he acting this way? What strange new power had forced him to kiss the pale skinned girl with such passion?! " this girl... she has some strange powers of confusion... that must be what happened! " and yet, even as the words fell from his lips, he knew it was just a lie. She had no special powers over him. In fact, he had no idea of the earth shattering effect the kiss had on her as well. " what... what was that?... " emily was pacing around her room, lips still tingling and aching for his lips to be pressed back onto her own. " what has he done to me? With just one kiss no less.... he must be something special to work his way to my nerves so fast. " emily takes a deep breath and steadies her emotions. Steeling herself behind the wall she built.