I Just Don't KnowI was so happy,
Why must I be tested like this?
Is there a reason.
There is no destiny,
Only what you make of your situation,
That is what counts.
I want to have a steady home,
I want to have work,
I want to have a purpose.
Right now my will to live
Is only that,
I have no ambition but consistency,
No joy but in the long term.
My wishes are for the future,
No plan to change the present.
I will myself to know who I am,
Yet have failed at many a turn.
I wonder if all people feel as I do,
If they all hurt like this.
Are they hiding it like I am?
How can I tell.
Who are they,
I would like to know.
I want deep conversation,
Yet I want less some times.
Some times I want more.
Tell me what it is that I want,
I will tell see to it that you find your wants as well.
I want to be happy,
But I want them all to smile too.
These things can't happen at once.
What is it that I feel?
I can not tell,
And I am scared.
There are lights behind my eyes,
Because I try no
You'll Never Understand...You'll never understand...You'll Never Understand...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
But I'm glad you don't.
Because that would mean
You'd have to go through my pain.
And I'd never wish that
Am I Good Enough...?Legs crossed on a cold basement floor,Am I Good Enough...?2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Blood stains painting my flesh,
The wounds deeper than ever before,
A white gown now a short black dress.
Long tangled hair clinging to my tears
Wind howling through the trees,
Moonlight painting a sky so clear,
And darling, I'm going to be set free.
My fingers scratch at the blood on my skin,
A delightful pain at the thought of a touch,
And hey, everyone who said I wasn't worth it,
Now am I good enough?
Gun Within The MirrorIt feels as if my reflectionGun Within The Mirror2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Points a gun at its own head,
As my bullet shoots the mirror
And paints the floor with red,
And it feels as if my gun
Just isn't steady in my hand,
Because darling, when I jump off cliffs,
Do you think I always land?
It feels as if the razor blade
Might be my only friend,
And it feels as if the broken glass
Might soon begin to bend,
Because my reflection is distorted, love.
Can't you see that, love, can't you see?
I'm pointing a gun at the mirror,
And the mirror points back at me.
Sick of societyI may live inside my own, twisted universeSick of society3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I may change, sometimes for the worst.
What's normal to me is not normal for you.
Sometimes I just do what I need to do.
Behind a brick wall, I hoped someone would break it
I threw out my heart hoping someone would take it.
But I got tired of hiding and tired of hating
And instead of throwing myself at every guy, I'm waiting.
I'm sick of the person I tried to be
So basically, here I am, I will be me
I'm sick of the hatred, would you not agree?
.. Basically I'm sick of society.
I am a labelI slid the blade across my wristI am a label3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Again and again.
Maybe I’m an emotional freak.
I cause fights and arguments
Maybe I’m a troublemaker.
I use make up to make myself seem
Maybe I’m girly.
I complain about things
Even when sometimes
Maybe I’m an attention seeker.
I fall under so many
So maybe I am a label.
I’m just me.
When I SaidWhen I said I wanted a fairy taleWhen I Said3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I meant I wanted a prince.
I didn't want to be locked in a
I didn't want to be fought by a
I didn't want
When I said I wanted a fairy tale
I meant I wanted to be a princess.
I didn't want to watch a rose
I didn't want to wear the gown
I wanted it
When I said I wanted a fairy tale...
I expected it to end in a
But i never expected it to end like this.
And Daddy always lied.My legs are covered in bruisesAnd Daddy always lied.3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And I have a scar by my left eye.
I’m not allowed to smile, though
And I’m not allowed to cry.
I think my right arm’s broken
But shh, don’t tell my dad.
He doesn’t like to worry bout me
When he’s already mad.
I have a burn on my left wrist
From when he pushed my arm
Against the stove, the hot, hot stove
And did a bit of harm.
I have a bear, a teddy bear.
He doesn’t have a name.
He makes me better every time
I’m feeling hurt and shame.
Today, my dad came home kind of late
A beer still in his hand.
I closed my eyes and waited.
He screamed, he shouted, and…
Well, my name is Mary Starr
And this is how I died.
But daddy always loved me.
And daddy always lied.
If you are a victim...If you have ever faked a smileIf you are a victim...2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Slit your wrist
Cried yourself to sleep
Wished yourself gone
Chased a dream (and lost it)
Ended up in a nightmare…
Turned away from your “friends”
Tortured yourself over an error
If you are a victim…
Remember to stay strong.
Because you’re only a survivor
ExistenceTwigs scraping viciously at open woundsExistence2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Stabbing my flesh as I quickly sprint through
A forest so dark, and so cold, and so thick
My heart has been shattered, it’s making me sick
Ripped dirty clothing and blood in my eyes
No one is near to hear my fatal cries
Battling words while I’m battling fists...
How do you fight what just doesn’t exist?
The Truth Hurts, Doesn't It?Everyone has a secret.The Truth Hurts, Doesn't It?4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Its the razor blade under their pillow.
The end of a toothbrush covered in bile,
Even a loaded gun stashed in your closet that was somehow 'misplaced'.
Its only the name of a crush scribbled over and over on a crumpled piece of paper,
The quiet whispers of where you snuck out to last night.
How you really passed that test.
Its the innocent sayings that hurt the most,
Pent up emotion that cuts the deepest
Your kin by blood that deal the killing blows.
Yet you continue to let them close enough to see the pain in your eyes,
Under the false hopes that instead of pushing you away,
They would accept you for what you are.
A monster of your own creation.
Don't try to change a creature of habit,
Never trust the wind to break your fall,
Promise you won't hide from something that is truly blind to reality.
Each person shouldn't have to change their ways
In order to be accepted by a society
Which stores their own s
Poor Man's GoldHush the youngest children, for the demon in the skiesPoor Man's Gold3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Treasuring the very thought of anyone's demise
Glitter fades to black and shining moonlight fades to dust
Every cruel man's wonderland is built of poor man's trust
Tragic, empty melodies and blood beneath the air
Fearlessly escape the wind and drown without a care
Treasure death as platinum, as silver and as gold
Every cruel man's wonderland is built of poor man's gold...
That Gay Boy Sitting Next To YouLook at the gay boy sitting next to you,That Gay Boy Sitting Next To You1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
the one who you kick, physically torture and verbally abuse.
Look at his eyes that were once vibrant with life,
and keep in mind that you and your friend's were the one who stole his light.
You called him a sin and condemned him to hell,
every day he walked through the school doors, he was greeted with your intolerant yells.
With your injustice , you treated him as terribly as you pleased,
and when you were through with your torment, you treated him like some sort of disease.
Was religion your actual excuse to act like an ass,
or was there something that you refused to see past?
Because that gay boy who sits next you daily in class,
is the one who knows your present, future and past.
He knows where bullies come from, so don't hide fully behind Christianity.
Because when you go home, you yourself are showered with profanities.
The same fist you used to beat the blue eyed boy,
is the same fist that your father uses to wring around your neck
Are You?I'm sorry,Are You?3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
that I'm not
I'm not a supermodel.
that I'm not
I'm not a comedian.
that I'm not
that I'm not
that I'm not
I'm not perfect.
I'd Rather Die AloneSo this is it? Isn't it? I'm to die in this room alone?I'd Rather Die Alone1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
With the cold table underneath me colder than nitrogen ice,
and the blaring AC bearing down upon me like a sinners vice?
Though my arm has been torn off, and tossed beside my head,
or my leg has been twisted, and my insides scorched dead,
I'm somewhat thankful my mother asked for my nerves to be cut dead.
That way I cannot experience the full force of the pain that's blaring within.
Occasionally, a woman walks in, looks down and says, “I think it's still alive.”
When was I an it, even while dismembered, I’m struggling before her very eyes.
Behind her comes the doctor, with a scalpel in his hands,
“His mother wanted him dead anyway, killing him more won't make a difference.”
The nurse nods and ask, “Should I get more absorbic acid?”
The doctor shakes his head and levels his scalpel, “His head is softer than plastic.”
And with his death-sentence, he drops his arm, and the metal p
PrismAn applePrism4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
For a while
I think it'll all be okay
I look down
I glance back
I'm snapped like my old rubber band
If you'd talk
That I'm missing
Can be crushed in the palm of your hand
Carries false hope
But I don't
Want to cope
'Cause I know that it's just for today
HeartbreakI wish for pain and fire,Heartbreak2 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
For shattered heart,
And lonesome desire.
I long for tears that fall in streams,
For bruised soul,
And crushed dreams.
I beg for wounds and aches,
For damaged mind,
And tough breaks.
All this to remind me,
To prove, that yes,
I have a heart that shakes.
Comfort...?Click!Comfort...?4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The lock has been sealed.
The key has been thrown away.
Now my heart is all mine.
This time, I won't let others in.
This time, I won't be left alone.
This time, I won't allow myself to get hurt like all the times before.
I will finally be by myself,
in my lonesome, with only the "comfort" of my mind.
I will be happy?
I don't know.
I don't know.
That's why I'm doing this.
I don't know who I am anymore.
I'm losing myself; I don't know the face that stares back at me in the mirror.
I want help probably need help but I'm too afraid to get it.
My friends they just want what's best for me but I don't want their help; I don't need their help. I'm just fine on my own, because that's how I started out:
EvidenceI can see how you'd missEvidence5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The blood stains on the towel
Because they're very faint
I can see how you'd miss
The way I hesitate when picking up a knife
Because I try to do it very subtly
I can even see how you'd miss
The scars on my arms
Because I always wear long sleeves
But how can you miss
The fact that when I get home
I go upstairs and cry?
How can you miss my panic attacks?
My sleepless nights?
The fact that I'm never happy?
The evidence is all there in front of you
All you have to do
I Found God In the AtheistI found God in the Atheist, whilst I found Satan in the Christian.I Found God In the Atheist1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
However, I must admit, that defacing the fraud was my intention.
The experiment began when I attended my church,
beside me on the pew, the woman of God perched.
We sang, we listened, and we prayed together,
our performance as flawless as a pure white feather.
However, when it was time to go, we passed a homeless boy,
who stood barefoot, and cold in the white snow.
This woman of God was rich you see,
and had much more money than a poor Christian like me,
yet I spared my coat, and my old lunch money,
and I looked towards the woman to supply change to fill the cold child's tummy.
Change she had not, and she left with a feral laugh,
“He'll just use it for drugs” claimed the pompous ass.
Long story short, the poor boy had died,
yet no drugs filled his body, rather maggots and flies.
She attended church next Sunday, that treacherous bitch,
and suddenly her praying sounded like a hex from a witch.
Our church was a