mad worldyou know what hurts?
filling your head with ideas and fantasies of a perfect love and dreams come true...
and finding out that just because you wish on stars, doesn't mean those burning orbs of gas even hear you.
what hurts is knowing that your world is falling apart.
that it is crumbling away, piece by piece...
and no matter how hard you try, you can't put it pack together, because the "fix instantly" glue won't stick.
what kills me is this need to be someone, to change something...
but never knowing exactly where to start.
i know where to begin.
i need to change myself before i can truly accomplish anything else.
the problem is, i'm so used to being me
that i'm unsure of how to be someone else.
or maybe i got that all wrong.
perhaps i'm so used to being someone else,
that i don't know how to be "me" anymore
it's almost a habit to pretend that the girl i see in the mirror every day is me.
she has my eyes, and my hair
and sometimes, she even wears my smile.
but there's something
Dear SelfDear Self,Dear Self5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
You've been this way for so long now that I think you might have forgotten some things.
I'm writing this so you don't have to forget, so you can remember and see how far you've come. So you can smile at yourself for being so silly.
I wonder, do you still have that smile?
The one that almost resembled a frown, but somehow just barely upturned the edges of your lips to qualify as something happy.
You had a habit of using it, but mostly just to assure everyone around you that everything was fine and dandy. So they wouldn't worry.
Do you remember your swing?
I don't know if you recall the way it creaked as it swayed
Like someone was there, making it move. When visibly it was empty.
You made it yours, and thought it gave you the ability to fly.
As your hands gripped the chains and your legs propelled you higher and higher, the ground became so far away that you'd spread your arms and laugh, as if you
Something Loved Something LostYou told me once, that you were never sure if you really loved something until you lost it.Something Loved Something Lost5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
[Did that include me?]
I don't think you really lost me, though--I lost you.
I lost the only person that made sense in my life, the only one who knew more about me than myself.
I lost my world.
And it wasn't until it completely stopped spinning that I noticed anything was different.
[You had me fooled, didn't you?]
Remember the way I laughed when you told me I was beautiful?
I laughed because I didn't believe you.
But I also laughed out of pure joy--I had never felt so alive in my life as I had in that one moment.
That's the kind of girl I am, you see.
I am a girl who can find a million beautiful things about everyone else, but nothing even remotely good about herself.
It's a disease really.
One that's out to kill me.
Because not everything about every person is beautiful.
You are living proof of that.
[So, why then my dear, do I still love you?]
In the Dark, I Am PrettyCould it be that because you cannot see my face that you find me beautiful?In the Dark, I Am Pretty5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I can only imagine how it is to live life in darkness
To not be able to observe the world as anything more than shadows
[What is it like to be blind?]
I should tell you now that I am many things, but not perfectnot beautiful
[So, why do you persist in calling me so?]
I think it is because you are perceptive in ways I can never be
Unlike me, you are beautiful in the light and the dark
You see what most are blinded to
The inner loveliness that others somehow overlook
You say the best way for me to see a person is to close my eyes
[Will shutting my eyes really change my perspective?]
I wonder, why can't all of us be like you?
Why is it that we identify a person only by how they appear?
The outside is what one sees, but it is the inside that truly means something
In a literal sense, beauty eventually fades
At least, outward beauty
But you told me the beauty that you have come to noticethe beauty that yo
The Dream That Never WasI will not be here long dear, but I have to knowThe Dream That Never Was4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Are your eyes always such a melancholy green?
All faded and weathered, drained and worn
You say you have troubles,
My dear boy,
Do you know?
You are not alone
As the rain cascades down your window
And the thunder shakes your splintered floorboards
I sing you a soft lullaby
Timidly, I touch your hair
Day-old stubble lightly grazes my fingertips
And I watch you breathe
I hear you sigh
You whisper that I am beautiful
And I almost believe you
You tell me you're so tired,
So exhausted that you could close your melancholy eyes
And sleep, sleep forever
Because wakefulness seems a misuse of time
Of precious dreaming
My darling boy,
Do you not know?
You are a dream
The Things I Never Told YouI'll start with this, a simple wishThe Things I Never Told You5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
My long-awaited dream to fly
When you told me forever, I almost believed you
And I nearly let my hidden wings unfold
But then I thought maybe you didn't mean forever, not really
Maybe you were just exaggerating
So I tucked them away, hiding them deep within myself again
Flying would prove to be very lonesome, if I had no one to join me
The second was my inner desire to become lost,
To somehow lose myself in search of uncovering who I wanted to be
But to merely pretend, and fall into the masquerade of life was too effortless
Instead I sought to be free, to find what made me different and never change
That's where we clashed unpleasantly
You always knew where you were going; you always had a plan
I only drifted aimlessly, hoping that with a hint of serendipity sooner or later
I would unearth what I was looking for
Losing myself would be rather impossible, if I had nobody to find me again
The final was the most significant, but also the most strange
Dear SerendipityYou are a word so closely fused with fate, destiny, chance, and sometimes loveDear Serendipity4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The most beautiful word I know
Is it possible not to fear an unknowable future?
Perhaps life is not about knowing, but rather about finding outdiscovering
Maybe it's hints of surprising, unforeseen, partly inevitable circumstances that test our limits of comfort
Tell me, is love properly defined as two lost people thrown together by chance?
Or could it be that they were always meant to find each other?
Did some divine, other-worldly force reach down and gently place these lives on the same path?
Or is it simply destiny that caused these two souls to meet?
What if I choose the wrong way?
Will I spend the rest of my days wondering and imagining what my life would have been?
Or will I move on, as if nothing ever slowed me down in the first place?
Too many questions, not enough answers
I believe there are things that can never be explained
Fate is a mysterious, frightening, yet exciting concept
We all desi
Some Things Stay HiddenShe lost what she was looking for in the search to find herselfSome Things Stay Hidden5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The Porcelain PeopleI had a dream once, about a place where people were obsessed with perfection, and longed for beauty.The Porcelain People5 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
In this place, anyone who looked normal was considered ugly.
They found me wandering about in their strange world, and I was brought before a council of sorts. There I saw people that were so beautiful and faultless that it left me breathless.
A very handsome man, I assumed to be their leader, told me that this was their perfect world, and that I was disrupting their splendor with my unattractiveness. They asked if I wanted to look like them and at first I craved to say "yes" because it was true, perfection was something I had always dreamed of. I had always desired to be beautiful.
Slowly, I turned a small circle, looking at each of the members of the council. They sat with supreme posture in fine chairs. Every one of them was shockingly beautifulit was almost frightening.
Each one had their flawlessly stunning eyes pointed at me, all of them lovely shades of vibrant b
I'd Rather Lie StillThere are times when I don't want to wake up.I'd Rather Lie Still5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
When my only desire is to sink into my mattress, and allow my blankets to swallow me whole.
Because it's just so much easier to tell my restless heart to sleep.
InsanityI stepped into a poorly lit room. The only light in the darkness came from three small candles resting on an end table, their glow not reaching the dark and eerie corners of the room. The walls were covered with broken mirrors; and I watched as shattered reflections of myself followed my every movement. The dim lighting cast strange and frightening shadows over my face. It was then that I became increasingly aware of the pain in my feet.Insanity5 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
I looked down at themthey were bare. And there was broken glass sprayed across the floor. I gently lifted one throbbing foot, shards of the mirror had cut into my skin and blood was oozing from the wounds. My eyes began to tear up and I choked back a scream. If there was one thing I couldn't stand, it was the sight of blood from my own veins.
In the far corner, I saw a chair. A lonely, wooden, termite-infested chair. Somehow, I had overlooked it and not seen it before now. As I walked closer, I heard a noise from behind me, and turned around to f
a letter to ethanyou're fifteen minutes away.a letter to ethan2 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
that's a quarter of an hour, that's ten miles, that's space enough that i never have to see you again.
but still i feel my heart beating like a rabbit's foot against my rib.
i'm a girl still in denial
of being a woman with
breasts and hips and a womb.
i'm a child with my heart and i will surrender it foolishly
to the first boy to give me roses and push them into my hair.
i don't know how to love,
the way i don't know how how to stop.
but let me tell you this- it happens.
they both do.
i loved your fragile brown eyes like i'd never seen a warmer fire.
i sank my bones like an anchor to your earthly vessel and called it home.
i staggered home drunk every weekend we were together
by word only.
and i felt myself falling apart when i sighed
with sleepy repetition as we exhausted the same jokes as ever,
just a million miles different.
my mind drifted but i loved you.
the feathered finches in my chest were beat
the best way to remember somethingi crythe best way to remember something2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
every time you write me a letter-
in all my damaged glory,
still loved across miles of river and fields.
you are unyielding and unforgetting,
finding the words we never had
there are many moonlit stories
to recount and to expound upon in
i've got a burn on the toe of my shoe
from getting too near the fire with you-
the bruises on your skin
lasted for days;
the headband your sister gave me
and the way i cried
when it broke;
climbing up stairs, skewed like piano keys
in the winter air,
and entering your house, where you told me
to tug on my sleeve
because my battle wounds were exposed;
your dog curling up on your bed
to keep me company,
the way i was welcomed in your house,
getting drunk on vodka on new year's,
the first time you made me cum,
finding ourselves at a party
on the porch where we met-
i am amazed, astounded, awed.
you can love me even though my ear piercings are crooked,
a broken smile on my teeth
for every time you ran away, afraid;
a boy i used to knowlanky with long dark hair; i thought he was the most beautiful thing in the world and even though he denied it, i knew he was just being modest. sometimes i would let him stick his hands up my shirt and touch my ribs. he'd slide his long fingers up and down each one, reminding me of how thin i am. i often forget.a boy i used to know5 years ago in Stories & Vignettes More Like This
i liked it when he touched me, but that was short lived and it was already too late to tell him to stop. it was like he didn't understand the meaning of the word "no" but i could forgive it because the mistakes he made were so honest.
"what would you do if i died?" he asked.
"i would be sad," was all i said and he looked disappointed.
today his hair is short and his eyes show a change. today i realized that he is the type of boy that all the teenage girls write about and it makes me feel pathetic in more ways than one.
he's been my inspiration for too long and it's time for me to move on because he's gone.
he's been gone for a long time.
Beloved EternityMoonlight shines upon him,Beloved Eternity5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
his face a porcelain white,
his blacken eyes they glimmer,
with sorrow and delight,
I'm enchanted by his beauty,
his features so pure-so cold,
how many times i wished to hold him,
though i know it cannot be so,
Hes damned within his sorrows,
his guilty pleasures feed,upon the living souls,
that gives him what he needs,
Ill be the one to save him,
Ill be the one who bleeds,
Ill be his one,his only,
his beloved eternity
The GuillotineDown on the hill a guillotine stood,The Guillotine4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And on it a man with a thick black hood,
"Woe are the ones who stand on this spot,
And vile are the ones," said he, "Who do not."
The first to go was an innocent man,
Or so I thought as a peasant can,
Down the blade came with efficient speed,
And so the shined metal began it's feed.
The second to die I did not know,
I just knew it was I who did not go,
The wood became dark and black to the sight,
And none spoke a word of loss that night.
Third was a woman with short, severed hair,
And in shock we pretended we did not care,
Down came the blade and none spoke a word,
Not a sob, or protest, or thought was heard.
The fourth, I admit with a bought of despair,
Was a child with a mood and eyes so fair,
I said not a word, but it broke my soul,
And the rest of that night was foreboding and cold.
It took the lives of women and men,
The desperate, old, and those under ten,
And so stood one, the finalist, me,
The silent, the innocent, and the dead to be.
This thing called "Ana"You hear it all around you,This thing called "Ana"5 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
but you'd never understand
this thing that they call "ana"
this thing that takes your hand
she tells you that she knows you,
she tells you she knows best,
she tells you that she cares,
unlike all of the rest.
and as your days get colder
you start to realize,
that she's the one who did the worst
she had told the lies.
so now you're feeling all alone,
'cause no one's even found
that you're slowly fading out,
with ana's hungry sound
butterfly girls get burntWhen I was a 12 year old munch-kin of a boybutterfly girls get burnt5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And didn't understand the world one bit
My mother made a skirt for my sister
She wasn't very handy with a needle and thread
Or with scissors and fabric but she did oh-so want
My sister to have that skirt that she asked for
So she took measurements oh-so precise and
Cut fabric oh-so carefully and then she
Made each stitch with love and care
Until it came the day that it was done
And she gave it to my sister who put it on
And cried because it was too-too short
And she said it made her look like a slut
The kind that daddy ran away with
When I was three years old
She threw it at the wall and ran away
So my mother gave it to the girl next door
The girl that I had watched for years
With a yearning heart and an artist eyes
Because the way her eyes tilted and
The way her hair fell made her look
Like she was so sad and I wanted to know
What weight she carried that could
Make her look like that so that
I could make it all better
But I later learned tha
And years to goSummer's passed away like an obscure relativeAnd years to go4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
the kind that make you wonder if you can
ever truly know a person- just remember that
there could be a real chance with the next one.
Red welts are the precursors to the bruises which are
brought on by sudden halts or changes of direction,
for Autumn had always been a time of self-imposed changes
just as Winter shall inevitably become a time of reflection and
regret- a moment in which we may peer down at ourselves
stirring feelings of doubt and inadequacy, becoming
merely a grey cloud to witness the raging inner-storm.
Spring sweeps swiftly from the fringes of awareness
illuminating the mess left behind by the unkind seasons,
meanwhile, new growth springs from the bare ground uncovered by
caring fingers which tend the bitter seedling till it breathes anew.
Remember ... breatheBreatheRemember ... breathe4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Remember to breathe
Step by step you inch closer to me
The blood rushes through my veins like lava burning through my skin
Something has to break, the tensions are too high, I feel it building in my chest
Remember . Breathe
How the oxygen rips through me sending me light headed, I want to be with you, to be near you, to feel you on my skin, know that you'll be there, I want you to take my breath away so that I need to
Remember to breathe
a letter of hatred, to myselfdear child,a letter of hatred, to myself3 years ago in Letters More Like This
dear little girl,
dear sweet, innocent, beautiful melissa,
there is none of this that you would choose for yourself; there is none of this that you would see coming. a beautiful infant, born bright yellow like your favourite dress when you were three, you were perfect. you wore jaundice like a mink stole, blocked tear ducts like cat-eyed glasses. you cried because you were unafraid to show others how you felt: you were not scared to let them care.
strangers paused your parents on the street to peer inside of your stroller, marvelling at the porcelain doll within; the big blue eyes, reflecting the sky in grandeur and wonder; the rosy cheeks that meant you were healthy. you were beautiful, and as awareness became more than an abstraction, you knew it.
hours were spent in the mirror and every reflective surface that came across your path. dearest melissa, you were a brilliant star to behold.
oceanic nowheresno matter how many times i refer to oceanic analogies my words and wisdom won't growoceanic nowheres4 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
with the mention of the atlantic, or the mumble of the pacific or the god damn indian ocean
if you are trying to be an independent original for the first time in your seventeen or so odd
years on this rotating blue and green mass we call a planet that has countless wonders
shoved in its corners and crevices but i am lacking the ability to lift my limbs across the
prime meridian, down the equator, and past oceans full of bullshitted metaphors.
i lack no ability when it comes to tracing your ribcage, god dammit there i go again referring
to bones and designated pretty objects located between the fibers of your skin, their cool
touch reverberating against my pale pigmentation that conceals these thoughts and
emotions, blood running in counter clock wise directions towards my toes and away from my
head, i swear it is fleeing from what turns this boy into walking disaster.
maybe i'll traverse around, rippin
We Are Only Made of DustThe world is not ours,We Are Only Made of Dust3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
(but that doesn't stop us from wanting it)
Our bodies are not limitless; they do not last forever, though in this moment
I swear, I almost feel infinite
There was a time when I thought words were immeasurable
Those being said, those already spoken, and those yet to be spoken
They are, were and would forever be endless
Some are exchanged lightly without thought, and others are as thunder, destructive and forceful,
but somehow it doesn't matter how they are said, and to whom;
As long as those words put an end to the drawn out silence
(there is no need for them to be meaningful, or even tender)
I used to believe words were Everything
that language could offer us something unexplainable and undeserved
(As though it was not meant for everyone)
I used to think these things when I was young
i got flowers oncei am lonely.i got flowers once2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
i received flowers once
and i placed them
in a vase til
the petals all browned
and turned to dust
on the glass of my bureau.
i have never gotten flowers since.
i spend my days
with a boy
whom i love far beyond reason
and he holds me in his arms
and holds me together.
i bite my nails
and pull my hair
over the moment when he
feels the disenchantment
fall over his body,
all clean lines
and smooth shapes,
and realises that leaving
the worst thing
the best thing.
i am lonely
and even with a hand to hold,
and even with a cloak of security
bunching around my shoulders
and hiding my thighs,
i feel my fingers grasping at empty air
because i am too ungratefully
trapped in my head
to remember that my love
is holding my hand
and reminding me more often
than anyone should need to
that i am loved.
My Rose Smells Like DeathHe bought me a roseMy Rose Smells Like Death5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
All red and bloody-thorned
Said "it's for my rose"
kissed me, and left me behind.
And i watched it die.
We are all just like roses,
cut from the source of life-
We may blossom, but still die.
I let it dry out till-
the petals grew brittle
and the stem blackened, dead.
Still a shadow of it's former self.
It no longer smells of beauty.
It smells of that peircing
sweet rotting that deceives.
It is not life,
it is not living.
It is simply death.