Funny PoemRoses are redFunny Poem8 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
violets are blue
sugar is sweet
and so are you
but the roses
the sugar bowls
and so is
Dead TearsDead Tears11 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I am alone.
I am a squished banana
Under the foot of a clown
Peel back my yellow layers
Reveal the soft white child inside
I am slightly mushy
Perhaps you should have eaten me sooner.
Today they forgot to give me crackers with my soup.
I think they did it on purpose.
Why should I have crackers
If nobody loves me?
I sit alone outside the library.
There is no place to sit inside.
It's always like this.
Oh! What a cruel existance is this?
Satan does not acknowlege my letters!
Perhaps I gave the wrong postal code.
Santa does not exist.
The blood trickles down my chin
And onto my inadequately-developed chest.
The clown laughs no more.
Anime?Lets triple our eyesAnime?8 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And half our social skills
Be twice as clever
And four times as dumb
And bow to everybody
With my perfect skin
They call me anime
I cant be understood
Because my past is always tragic
My hair a rainbow explosion
Kill everyone that looks the same
But ill tell you my story first
Hold my honor
And die trying
They call me anime
I always have my theme music
Catch phrase with signature move
Ill walk tall without even looking
Join my party
Weve got a mission
My skills are better then yours
And I know you want to fight about it
They call me anime
Future or old school
We always have badass swords
Here to protect
Even when I bring war
Run so fast we disappear
Weigh 80 pounds but clear the table
Energy well spent on my plasma blast
They call me anime
Easily go insane
The skirts get shorter
As the legs get longer
Everyones in school
And everyones honor role
Everyones a virgin, but everyone's easy
The Grammar GangstersBeware the grammar gangsters!The Grammar Gangsters7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The mafia of the literary underworld.
They saunter into stanzas,
Under their trench coats
Or in violin cases.
They can make you talk,
"With just a few well-placed speech marks,"
Leave you shouting! Where you should have whispered!
And pulp your bold statements into quavering questions?
They can, pepper, your, phrases with, commas,
Or bring your piece to a dead.
They'll trap you (between brackets)
As you - dash - to the exit.
Then: punch a blunted colon
Into the gut of your text
Force-feed you a poisonous semicolon,
Then hack/slash your work to shreds.
The grammar gangsters
Never leave survivors.
Readers discover the victims
In the back alleys of the library,
In a tommy-gun ellipsis...
Funny Alphabet Poem"A" is for AppleFunny Alphabet Poem9 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Which is a fruit that keeps doctors away
Especially if you throw it at their heads.
"B" is for Boat
Unless it's the Titanic.
"C" is for Cow.
They go moo...and fart a lot.
"D" is for Dinosaur.
Which now works in Hollywood
Thanks to Steven Spielberg
"E" is for Egg.
Which tastes like chicken...
...Or do chickens taste like eggs.
"F" is for a word that that rhymes with "Duck".
Though I was gonna say something else, didn't ya?!
"G" is for Gorilla.
One can type a better poem than this.
"H" is for Hawaii.
It's an island and a state
And a place that middle-aged woman fantasize about being
On with some buff guy instead of their
Beer-gut husband...but that's another story.
"I" is for Igloo
Which can't be built on the sun.
I know...I tried.
"J" is for Joke.
That's what this poem is.
A sad...sad joke.
"K" is for "Kite."
A piece of paper that flies on string.
"L" is for Lizard.
ONE'S ON YOUR SHOULDER RIGHT NOW!
Degrassigive some1 potDegrassi11 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
they will smoke it,
give some1 beer,
they will drink it
give some1 a pillow
they'll lie on it,
but give me a TV
and ill watch degrassi!
When life gives you LEMONS...When life gives you lemons, SUCK THEM.When life gives you LEMONS...8 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
When life gives you lemons, squirt lemon juice in their eyes.
When life gives you lemons, give them back and demand for chocolates.
When life gives you lemons, paint them red & call them APPLES.
When life gives you lemons, throw em hard like hand grenades.
When life gives you hand grenades, paint them yellow, disguise them as lemons and pull the pin.
When life gives you lemons, make lemon peel wings and fly too close to the sun. Trust me, they won't melt.
When life gives you lemons, shove 'em thru yer ass and die.
When life gives you lemons, use them as a dildo.
When life gives you lemons, feed yo mama n make her so fat so people can jog around her for exercise.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. No no, you eat those lemons, THEN sell your PEE as LEMONADE.
When life gives you lemons, THEYRE THE NEW GREEN DAY HEART GRENADES.
When life gives you lemons, PUKE.
When life gives you lemons, who needs plastic surgery on yer chest?
When life gives
you know your a XC runner if..1. you roll your eyes when people say, "You run three miles...at once?"you know your a XC runner if..8 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
2. you get irritated when more than half the people you know don't know the difference between cross country and track.
you come up with weird answers to questions like "why do you run so much?"
4. you run farther in a week than your bus travels for meets.
5. the most enjoyable time you've had all month is a day off from practice.
6. all your socks are either stained or torn.
7. you can spit while running.
8. you finish the race looking like you wrestled a bear and you don't care.
9. if you schedule dates around meets.
10. you spend more on training clothes than school clothes.
you take more pride in making signs for the car to go to state than in your
12. your chest is as flat as your back.
13. you have running withdrawal if you don't run everyday.
14. you wake up every morning in pain.
15. Gatorade is your drug of choice.
16. you would give up homecoming to go to the State Meet.
17. your Saturday
3 WordsThere are 3 words I wished3 Words2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I could have whispered in your ears.
Just 3 words.
Yet they are so powerful that they could
Make the mightiest man cry.
As much as I would have wanted to say them,
I didn’t know how.
Too awkward, I suppose.
Many have tried
And it ruined their connections.
So I kept it in.
To hold on
To what we already had.
Of tears & Laughter.
I didn’t want to let go of that.
I was too afraid,
To make things worse than they were.
Ah yes, today,
I will break that silence.
Before I die,
I want to tell you,
I hate you.
Reaper: The Diary of DeathReaper: The Diary of Death12 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I held the scythe in bony hands.
Today's the day I don the gown.
I swing it once, a ghoulish sound.
I swing it twice they all fall down.
For my first soul, a ghoulish trap,
To chop off his head with a falling axe
That slips from the hand of a sleeping guard,
Dropped off the castle wall but missed by yards!
His heart stopped from the shock - he died from fear...
...Though his death wasn't scheduled for 20 more years.
He asked 'Hath thou no brain?!?'
'Err...Sorry Sir, it's my first day'.
Lucifer came by today,
With a devil skin rug to decor the place.
He offered me a vile of 'plague',
And a butler he'd stole from an open grave.
We went with demons to the 'Valley of Dead',
And played football with a shrunken head.
We danced on skulls, drank to the end.
I have a feeling we'll be good friends.
In hell we played a game of chess,
Beat Lucifer at every guess.
He burst into flames with a fit of rage,
And threatened to flood the world in rain.
'Sorry Lu, God beat there.'
This Isn't PoetryThisThis Isn't Poetry5 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
No, just boring and aesthetically displeasing.
This poem has been removed.[This poem has been removed as it lacks the emotional and verbal depth to be a real poem.This poem has been removed.7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
When submitting please remember that a real poet is an outcast and eccentric, with real emotional trauma, and lacking these qualities nothing the submitter writes can ever be considered a poem.
If you wish to re-submit your work, please follow these guidelines:
-o- Please remove all instances of self-depreciation and any words that clearly allude to pain. These are "emo" and therefore not real poetry.
-o- Please do not write about love if under the age of twenty-one, as an adolescent obviously knows nothing about such an adult emotion.
-o- Please do not use common place words, nor anything too obscure. A real poet will know which words are permeable.
-o- Please do not write poetry about the fictional media- it is not real enough to provoke deep emotion.
-o- Please do not write poetry
THE LIST OF ANNOYING THINGS 6 THE LIST OF ANNOYING THINGS PART 6!!!! 501-600!!!THE LIST OF ANNOYING THINGS 67 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
501. Open every window in the house when it rains.
502. When looking at clouds, say that cloud looks like a cloud.
503. Make a Calvin and Hobbes type duplicator out of cardboard.
504. Call animals by their scientific names.
505. Build a snowman and do brain surgery on it.
506. Call the library help desk and ask for the definitions for swear words.
507. When it gets really quiet, yell BOOOORRRIIING!!!!!!!
508. Put a lemon in sludge water and sell it as lemonade for $10 a glass.
509. Read your parents favourite book while eating toast.
510. Dont ever use an eraser.
511. Carry a large mirror on a sunny day and flash people in the eye to check for vampires.
512. When people lean back on their chairs, pull on them.
513. Attempt to play the Psycho theme song on a stringed instrument.
514. Exaggerate all of your sneezes and coughs.
515. Laugh nervously at everythi
THE LIST OF ANNOYING THINGS 8 PART 8 OF THE LIST OF ANNOYING THINGS!!! 701-800!!THE LIST OF ANNOYING THINGS 86 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
701. Leave illogical answers on random answering machines. i.e. "Hey, just to let you know, there is no spoon."
702. Try to stop time by using your mind powers.
703. Pour an entire milk carton into individual cups and take up space by storing them all in the refrigerator.
704. If people are talking to you, say "Why are you talking to yourself?"
705. Use your friends' desks as your own personal garbage dump.
706. Repeat this conversation: "Quick! Hand that thing to me!" "What?" "Oh, never mind."
707. Connect the dots anyway you want.
708. Think of the most random thing ever and challenge others to beat it.
709. Wear a diaper on your head to "soak up moisture"
710. Walk into a McDonalds carrying a "Meat is Murder" sign and act as if nothing is wrong.
711. See just how many everyday objects are fire-resistant.
712. Carry an umbrella wherever you go to "prevent aliens from snatching your brains".
713. Use your cell phone to talk to the
Jabukowy Chleb (piosenkowiersz)palą się grzyby,Jabukowy Chleb (piosenkowiersz)2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
wiśnie na krześle
nie mam długopisu
pożycz mi książkę
nie przyniosłam owiec
kisiel z sałaty
nie znalazł plecaka
wróciłam czy coś
Arbuz (piosenkowiersz)szły ziemniaki drogąArbuz (piosenkowiersz)2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
arbuz się sprzedał
zabili mu chomika
niech żyje szynka
THE LIST OF ANNOYING THINGS 1THE LIST OF ANNOYING THINGS!THE LIST OF ANNOYING THINGS 17 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Written by Redhatpieman
And a whole bunch of friends
Thanks to you all! ^^
1. Pretend to be a famous celebrity and demand free stuff.
2. Change all of your Ss to Zs.
3. Only talk like a gangster.
4. If someone says excuse me, respond with oh, youre excused.
5. When counting, say each number in every language you know.
6. Write random appointments on other peoples day planners.
7. Do the You just won a million dollars NOT! trick over and over again.
8. Sing songs louder and faster than everyone else (the alphabet works too).
9. Use plastic wastebaskets as humongous cups.
10. Waste time when playing Scrabble by challenging every single word played
11. Ask your waiter to put your water in the doggy bag.
12. Get a bunch of your friends to walk up one by one to someone and say that they feel sorry for them.
13. Whenever you see someone on TV with a blurred out face, say, oh
THE LIST OF ANNOYING THINGS 2 PART 2 OF THE LIST OF ANNOYING THINGS! 101-200THE LIST OF ANNOYING THINGS 27 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
101. When roasting marshmallows over a fire, keep hitting other people's sticks.
102. Spin various types of coins on a desk while others are working. (whrrrrrr.....)
103. Chew your gum really, really loudly.
104. Make huge dying seagull calls whenever possible.
105. Gasp in surprise randomly when reading a book.
106. Use excessive amounts of duct tape for minor problems.
107. Bombard people with obvious questions (Quick! When was the war of 1812!?)
108. When it gets really quiet, make popping noises.
109. Get a paper towel roll and pretend its a sword by bonking people over the head with it.
110. Breathe in and out really loudly.
111. Set the computer mouse buttons backward by using control panel.
112. And while youre on there, set the keyboards repeat rate to slow.
113. Squeeze a squeaky toy over and over and over again.
114. Pretend youre a German bobble head doll by nodding repeatedly while c
zycie (piosenkowiersz)życie jest krótkiezycie (piosenkowiersz)2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
nie zrywaj tulipanów po zachodzie słońca
THE LIST OF ANNOYING THINGS 5 THE LIST OF ANNOYING THINGS PART 5!!! 401-500!!THE LIST OF ANNOYING THINGS 57 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
401. Always count out loud.
402. Attempt to fold paper as many times as possible.
403. Say MEH whenever you exert force.
404. Draw a mustache on every single picture you can find.
405. Breathe in and out really loudly to keep your lungs in shape.
406. Eat dinner for breakfast.
407. Eat breakfast for dinner.
408. Frost cakes with toothpaste.
409. Mix the salt and sugar together to save space.
410. See just how many imitations you can do in public.
411. Pretend that no one exists but you.
412. Smack peoples hands as they drink.
413. If you are the victim of the above, spill the remainder of the drink onto the person who did it to you and claim it was an accident.
414. Write random numbers into newspaper sudokus at restaurants.
415. Be annoying in shifts (thanks to Garfield).
416. If someone asks you to do anything, keep asking "why?" until they do it themselves.
417. Constantly cheat at solitaire.
THE LIST OF ANNOYING THINGS 3 THE LIST OF ANNOYING THINGS PART 3!!! 201-300THE LIST OF ANNOYING THINGS 37 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
201. Cut strands of hair from various people and place them in vials.
202. Eat nothing but little fast food condiment packs.
203. Pour water into a can of Kool-aid mix and chug it down in front of others.
204. Make a "pbbt" sound whenever two objects collide.
205. Mail a clock that ticks very loudly to the President or Prime Minister.
206. Call teachers by their first names.
207. Sew the words "Kick me" onto the bottom of someones pants.
208. Hit random keys while people are typisdlki fj;aow#$% iert6upw49ruwresafk fkaj sdfk.
209. Lock up bathroom stalls and escape by crawling underneath.
210. Always yell like you're the sergeant of a boot camp.
211. Dont change your clothes for a month. (except your underpants. change your underpants.)
212. Dye your hair red and say its from a skateboarding accident.
213. Fold everyones paper into airplanes.
214. Make up a name for yourself everyday and make everyone c
THE LIST OF ANNOYING THINGS 4 THE LIST OF ANNOYING THINGS PART 4!!!! 301-400THE LIST OF ANNOYING THINGS 47 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
301. Use transparent bingo chips as contact lenses.
302. Keep clicking a pen constantly.
303. Have nothing but dead batteries at home.
304. Give presents with air holes in the box.
305. Write stuff all over someones work with a pen and say that its erasable. Once they realize it isnt, run.
306. When on a ski lift, yell to the guy ahead of you that you are in hot pursuit.
307. Enunciate your words very thoroughly.
308. Set every clock in the house ahead one hour and in the morning, yell WERE LATE FOR SCHOOL!!!!!
309. Fire rubber bands directly at peoples crotches.
310. Learn and play a short riff on a piano constantly (like Coldplay or Hawaii Five-O).
311. Save all of your bar soap when it gets really small in a box labeled mints.
312. Fold lots and lots of origami.
313. Always wear spandex pants.
314. Make up new chess moves from other countries like the Bolivian Rook Swi
Gospodarka (piosenkowiersz)szczotka przyszła do warzywniakaGospodarka (piosenkowiersz)2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
nie miała słoika na nożyczki
a to i tak nie zmienia faktu,
że kotlety wyemigrują stąd
za tydzień, 5 dni,
11 godzin, 4 minuty i 15 sekund
kupcie mi chleb za kartofle
drewno jest na wyprzedaży
tasiemce skupują stare ramki
i oprawią w nie skarpety
nie mają na chleb czy coś
a futrzasty random z rogami
nadepnął na lego
bo nie kocha pana placka