Envy is a Dangerous WordHigh school can be difficult.
the cliques and cliches,
and the pressure.
Oh, the pressure.
to have sex,
to fit in,
to know your direction in life.
Everyone around me as well as I are experiencing them. Yet, I stand alone, left to battle solo with another pressure.
The pressure to come out.
Walk straight on out of the closet, into an unforgiving world consisting of
and secret sneers.
I envy those who are not faced with this dilemma. I envy those who do not have to keep secrets and love behind closed doors. Most of all, I envy him.
He, who has her.
He, who can wrap an arm around her waist, freely.
He, who can kiss her, any time he desires to do so.
He, who holds her precious heart.
And I, who never will.
MomentsI am five years old.Moments5 years ago in Stories & Vignettes More Like This
The boys in my class have just been teasing me about my last name. It is, unfortunately and a little ironically, Gaye. I'm at my desk crying while my first grade teacher talks to the boys in the hall. My best friend Garrett sits down next to me and tells me that I shouldn't cry because my name is spelled different than "the bad kind". I stop crying because I find that strangely comforting. But the heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach doesn't go away.
I am eight years old.
I'm reading a book from my favorite book series, the Alice series by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor. The book series started out age appropriately enough but as the girls in the books have gotten older, so has the material. The talk of innocent handholding and who likes who have turned into full on discussion of sex. But even though I know I'm not supposed to be reading things like this I continue to devour each book. At the part I'm at Alice has just seen her best friend kissing another girl at the ma
Secrets.."We're just friends"Secrets..4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
You say these words again and again
Because everyone is convinced,
That we are girlfriends.
You laugh it off,
"Oh yea, as if!"
I laugh along
But you don't notice that it's cold.
You don't pay attention to
The pounding of my heart
When you rest your head on my chest.
You don't feel my fingers tremble
When they meet your skin.
You don't notice my breathing
When your tongue slithers over my neck.
You fall asleep in my arms,
So you don't feel my lips
Brush slightly against your ear
And what's more, you don't hear
When I whisper,
"I love you"
You mumble something from your dreams
And just as I think I may scream-
Before the tears start to fall-
I try to turn the other way,
But you mumble your rebellion
With a sleeping "No"
So I'm stuck.
Because I can't even bare to wake you up
Cause you look just like an angel.
So I bite down on my lip,
Keep the tears from escaping my eyelids.
"We're just friends"
I mutter to myself.
"Yea, as if!"
It would never be enoughI could stare at your sleeping face for hours and never get tired.It would never be enough5 years ago in Emotional More Like This
I could lay in your arms always and I would never get bored.
I could bathe in your warmth for eternity and it would never be too hot.
I could love you forever and it would never be enough.
You are so deep in my skin; I feel your presence when you come near.
My whole body wishes to be beside you.
And when it is, to be closer still.
You are in my every thought. My every dream.
Why is it like this?
There have been others.
And to be perfectly and utterly honest, more than I can count.
It's just you.
I can't get you out of my mind and I never want to!
Because I love you. And I would never stop.
I will love you forever and even forever is not long enough.
ChainsChainsChains5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
A girl of 11
she is confused
for she has been brought up
to belive this was wrong
but yet here she was
kissing her first girlfriend
for the first time
At home she cries her self to sleep
knowing what her mother would do to her
not only would her wings be cut
but her spirit would be smothered
A year passes of confusion and worrying
a year of secrets
she was sick of it
she tells her mom at the age of 12
she is slapped for the first time
possessions taken away
friends are now suspects
she is now cast in chains
but she fights through it for the girl she loved
that girl breaks her heart
cheats on her
with her best friend
Now she has no hope
her fighting sceses
her will has been broken
at the age of 13
the chains are loosened enough
she breaks away for if only a day
returns with her will some what replenished
Mother full of scorn
suspects her friends touched her
they did not
the mother would not listen
more chains for her
school befcomes tougher
no more friends
every one beliv
A Thousand Untold LiesMy mask.A Thousand Untold Lies5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
It hides the truth,
To a thousand untold lies.
That's the way it's always been.
So that is the way it must be.
And I don't object.
Because through my mask,
It's hard to see.
I can't tell what's true
And what isn't reality.
So I hide.
Behind my disguise.
It hides the truth,
To a thousand untold lies.
I have the right to remain silent.
There are no lies in the quiet.
And should a word be spoken,
Every truth shall be broken.
You all would see,
Whatever you once believed of me,
Was never as it seemed.
You could call me a liar, sure.
But I said no such thing.
I simply let you believe
Whatever it was you wanted to dream.
And for this reason,
Behind my disguise.
It hides the truth,
To a thousand untold lies.
Darkest TemptationDarkest TemptationDarkest Temptation5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
My love for her is a sin or so they say. They preach about the heart they know nothing about hearts. This heart, my heart beating with love for my Darkest temptation with love for my angel.
Her eyes blind me to the world. Her scent binds me to her skin. May my love for her never die. May her dark essence never leave me as my heart would stop beating prolonged suffering would ensue.
Their taunts enrage me so. Their eyes hold nothing but hatred for our light. The assassin’s knife, the hellish nightmare of betrayal shears the soul destroying all. The oblivion that is separation stretches forever on ward.
Death threats bring laughter, cruel words every word spoke to me is cruel, the maliciousness isn’t new, demons pathetic but when their sights rest on her they’ve brought me to heel.
Her eyes that once blinded me have dulled. Her binding scent torments me with black and blue on once pale perfection. Her captivating essence is dying. So to am I. M
Will she ever know?Does she even know?Will she ever know?5 years ago in Emotional More Like This
Can she even tell?
Can I ever express myself right?
She's beautiful, and smart and funny,
She warm, and gentle and kind.
She everything I wish to be,
And everything I'm not.
I feel puny when she's around.
Not because she is so much better than me,
Because she is!
But because I feel I will never be enough for her.
I feel like she will never notice me.
That is my fear.
That she will never notice,
How I stare at her,
Far longer than I should.
How I try to be close to her,
And wish to be closer still.
How every time she touches me,
My heart runs at double speed.
How every time she enters the dojo,
Her eyes land on mine and I look away so she doesn't see me blush.
Will I ever be able to tell her just how much I love her?
Good EnoughAm I 'good enough' for her?Good Enough5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
You hear people say
The only one 'good' enough for you
Is the one who Believes
That they are Not.
But it is Me
-Who makes her smile
-Who makes her laugh
-Who distracts her with such ease
Am I good 'enough' for her?
I breezed through her walls,
I snuck into her heart,
I set up camp;
And here I plan to stay.
A pitched battle awaits
Anyone after this Knight's
Am I good 'enough' for her?
She hates it so
When I don't believe.
Quail before her frown.
She has chosen me.
She cherishes me.
She loves me.
Am I 'good' enough for her?
I will not cannot insult her so
By Believing Thinking Feeling
That I am Not.
I am 'good enough' for her
Because we say so.
I guess...I guess I'm one of the lucky onesI guess...5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I don't get picked on for who I am
I guess I'm one of the fortunate ones
I've never lost a friend because of it
I guess I'm one of the blessed ones
I have no worries of getting jumped or beat up
I guess I'm one of the charmed ones
People who know me don't look at me any differently
I guess I'm one of the favored ones
No one is bothered by the fact I'm a little different then they
I guess I'm one of the happy ones
I can walk around with guys and look at girls while walking around with girls and look at guys
I guess I'm one of the holding aces
My friends know I'm not doing it to be popular
But I guess I'm just like everyone else
Because when I c a m e o u t
I lost what meant the most to me:
M y f a m i l y
I Don't Belong HereA closet is a place for clothing.I Don't Belong Here5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
A place to shove skeletons of the past, deep into its boundaries.
A place to neatly store the unwanted.
A place to carelessly toss the unwanted.
A place of secrecy.
A place to conveniently conceal the sources of shame.
A place for the monsters to hide.
But it's no place for me.
I am not the monster in the closet.
I am not an animal,
Inhumane, untamed, or vicious.
There is no need for this containment.
There is no need for this cage.
Release me of this quarantine.
I am not sick.
I hold no disease, nor do I bear the plague.
I am not infectious.
I am human,
Who loves a girl.
And this closet is no place for me.
If I Were a BoyIf I were a boyIf I Were a Boy5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Then would you date me?
If my name were Samuel
Would you want to say you liked me?
What if I were a boy?
Would you love me
And not be ashamed?
Would you want people
But since I'm a girl
You can't tell people?
You can't hold my hand
Even if you want to?
But, if I were a boy,
You could kiss me in
Yet, I'm a girl
And you still like me.
Are you ashamed?
Do you wish I
Were a boy?
Or do you wish that you
Were out to others, not just me?
Do you wish I was a boy?
I wish I could hold your
Hand, kiss your
Cheek, and say
To my friends and family.
But, I can't. But,
If I were a boy
Would you tell people?
If I wore a baseball cap and
Hoodies, and rode
Skateboards, could I
Put my arm around you?
I know you'd let me, but only
If I were a boy...
SecretOh God, I love to tease,Secret4 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
To make you beg and groan,
To watch your body writhe around,
To hear your breathy moans.
I only have to whisper,
And you're putty in my hands,
I run them up and down your sides,
And you can barely stand.
My kiss, it leaves you breathless,
My touch, it makes you weak,
My words, they make you shudder,
They bring you to your peak.
Though I have a little secret,
Something I didn't foresee,
All those things I do to you?
You do the same to me.
My story...I always felt I was different, but it was when I reached secondary school that I really started to feel like an outcast. Stupid little things started to get me down. I was constantly thinking about my sexuality, beating myself up over the thought that I was "different" and "not normal". I felt like an alien.My story...5 years ago in Emotional More Like This
Finally I got the courage to tell two close friends I was bi. I didn't tell them about my true sexuality straight away, I was terrified, terrified that they would reject me. They seemed quite accepting though.
Then I met my first girlfriend, a brilliant girl who wasn't afraid to show everyone who she was. She lived quite far away. I didn't tell many people about her. I knew what it would be like if it got around school that I had a girlfriend. I didn't feel entirely right about her. How could she be so happy about herself when I felt so wrong for being with another girl?
After seven months we ended up splitting up, and I found that even after all this time I still was in denial abo
Welcome?"Welcome"Welcome?5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
An old man hands her a bulletin
Does he know?
Does he know he just welcomed a gay into his church?
What if he did?
Would he take it back?
Kick her out?
Yell at her?
Tell her she's a sinner?
This old man doesn't know.
He doesn't know that yet another secret gay just walked into his church.
Another parishioner sits in the pews ostracized
Listening to the Pastor at the pulpit
Slowly dying inside knowing she doesn't fit in,
Knowing this church doesn't accept her orientation, the love of her life.
This man doesn't know.
She takes the bulletin, feigns a smile, and walks into the church.
She finds a seat in the back
No one knows.
This is why people are so nice to her.
No one knows who she really is.
If they did, would they still welcome her?
my storyWhen I look at you all I see is shame. I see myself ,my story5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
classed and judged as the whore the street walker, all because I believed in love,
I look at you and I see mistrust.
and you know what? why does it matter what happened back then?
Today is now and yesterday is gone, I can't change what happened and neither
can you ,with snide looks or whispered disappointment.
Maybe that's why I can't tell you,
I can't ever tell just how I feel
Being with her is the most natural thing in the world,
It feels right and perfect, different from what
I felt for him , better maybe even.
telling you would give you another reason to look on me with disgust
give you another reason to tell people I'm a handful
another reason to say why I'm not good enough.
Being perfect is all you care about and it just isn't
I'm no wonder woman or She-Ra and I wont ever be.
I need you to learn to accept me for me.
I am your daughter, I don't believe, I am bisexual and proud to be me.
CaptivationSoft lullabiesCaptivation4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Of accompanying piano.
Her fingers delicately grazing my skin.
Slow ballad of breath,
Deeply inhaling, exhaling.
Slow, lull of
Stillness and silence.
Her hushed lullaby.
Fluid AttractionSometimes it's strange not being straightFluid Attraction5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Often forgetting I like all genders
Not just one
Everywhere I look
Their gender, irrelevant
It's their style, how they stand out
Diversity is attractive
Breasts are gorgeous,
Women are sexy
Androgyne is hott,
The genderless are so fascinating
Sometimes a turn on
People just like me
Ones I understand
I forget how open I am
Often not realizing it isn't "normal"
Not everyone loves guys who are feminine
Or women who want mustaches
I may never be use to this
But I will always accept it
For this is who I am
Born I'm To BeI cannot help for what born I'm to be,Born I'm To Be5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I'm different from them; that's they all can see.
They think they are right by trying to tame,
Why might I choose this persona they blame?
Why it would matter if were this a choice?
Am I too small to present my own voice?
They have no right to speak for my speech,
Rude manners those are, no care to not breach.
Love is not narrow, but they ruin our cheer;
Their hatred is horrid; closed minds open fear.
They must drown in sadness to force on it others,
To tear away children from fathers and mothers.
You don't even know how to clean your own mess.
You made us feel less and caused us much stress!
Do not you see what you've done? Hear those screams?
Death is result of your weak wicked schemes.
BrokenYou broke the promise today,Broken5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
You promised me you wouldn't
You jumped off today.
I don't know what was going through your head.
Except for the bullet piercing your temple.
Maybe you were thinking about us,
Our first kiss
We were both so scared,
You told me to look at the stars in the sky,
To find the brightest one,
You placed your head right next to mine,
And called my name,
You turned to me and said
"I found it"
and then you kissed me.
I remember when you went out with him,
Just to pretend,
You hid under a veil,
I drove you to see him,
I just wanted you to be happy
I watched you,
Under our star.
He found us,
He didn't understand,
You explained it was nothing more than
A drunken love,
You never will know,
How much I loved you
I watched him beat you.
I tried to stop him,
You wouldn't let me.
Bruises turned to blood.
You came to me,
Crying in my arms,
I told you everything would be okay,
And you told me
in your soft v
What am I doing?She's the impossible one, always just out of reach.What am I doing?5 years ago in Emotional More Like This
She's beautifully addictive.
She makes my mind twist and turn each which way!
She push's me away because she's unattainable, but pulls me back in when I try to spend some time apart.
I want her but I can't have her!
Did I choose to get to know her becuase I know she belongs to another?
She wants to build me up, but will she knock me back down when I get there?
I know im falling, but my half hearted attempts at stopping myself are pitiful.
Why would I want to stop myself, she holds the power to make me feel alive again!
I fear I will never got to hold her, touch her face, run my fingers through her hair!
She says I've got her wrapped around my little finger but I'd say the feelings mutual.
She says I've left her not knowing who she is anymore, what she wants out of life.
Yet she's not walking away!
Should I go for the benefit of both of us?
Where can this go, really?!
I live here, she lives there, the future holds nothing for us!
I still can't believeI spend my days just thinking about her.I still can't believe5 years ago in Emotional More Like This
I still can't believe she returns my feelings.
She's sweet and kind and warm
And she is now my own.
Her soft and warm and full lips.
Touch mine everyday after school,
Where she waits for me in her car,
Ready to take me home or any where else we desire.
I still can't believe it.
It's just too good to be true, I think to myself.
But there she is.
Sitting in her car,
Listening to some of my favorite music,
Just because she likes it to.
I sigh content.
Is this what it feels like to be in love?
I can't believe it.
I still can't
One Shot: Love Conquers AllLove storyOne Shot: Love Conquers All5 years ago in Concrete Poetry More Like This
She walked toward her friend smiling widely. Was there ever any doubt they would be inseparable for the years to come?
Kira stopped mid step when she saw the black figures approaching her friend from behind her. "Vitania! Watch out!"
Vitania turned with her bat ready to strike whoever was going to her. But before she could swing, a hand flew across her cheek making her fly off to the side groaning in pain.
'You fucking bastards!' Kira screamed and drawing her own bat threw herself at them, swinging in rage hitting all she could hit.
But they were strong. They kept standing up and fighting back. Kira threw a frantic look toward Vitania who was now getting up with difficulty. She felt relieved for a second before rage consumed her. The bastards had hurt her. They would pay.
I watched helplessly from my place in the hard and cold ground as you swung both your bat and mine and hit your target full on the face or the chest. Even if it was dark, I could see the blood fly
Fear ItselfWhat would you do... if you liked someone.. but you were afraid to tell them, for fear of rejection..?Fear Itself5 years ago in Settings More Like This
Would you confess your love to them and just cross your fingers and hope that they like you too?
Would you stiffen at the mention of their name, and shy away from them each time you saw them..?
Or would you muster up a little courage.. and write them a letter..?
People tell you, "You're an abomination, you're gonna go to hell for this, you're not normal!" each and every day, but they will never understand the immense feelings that rage within you.
They tell you that you'll never find love, you'll die alone, and that you're a freak for liking someone of the same gender.
.. so with those heavy insults, I still trudge to school every day, plastering a smile onto the mask I wear each and every day.
The teasing and heart wrenching nervousness tingles within me, as I carry a letter to school.. my psychological nervous antics are suggesting that I might throw up.. even though I'm not sick..
and souri've taken this habit of readingand sour5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
the same poem over and over again
just because i need to tell myself
that i don't make all of this up.
baby, i would have had you, trust me.
my senses would've abandoned everyone;
i wouldn't care what they would say -
i'm so tired of hiding.
i'm so tired of lying.
(no. i'm not okay.)
i've taken this habit of crying
the same tears over and over again
just because i'm that pathetic and
my chemistry homework looked dry.