Envy is a Dangerous WordHigh school can be difficult.
the cliques and cliches,
and the pressure.
Oh, the pressure.
to have sex,
to fit in,
to know your direction in life.
Everyone around me as well as I are experiencing them. Yet, I stand alone, left to battle solo with another pressure.
The pressure to come out.
Walk straight on out of the closet, into an unforgiving world consisting of
and secret sneers.
I envy those who are not faced with this dilemma. I envy those who do not have to keep secrets and love behind closed doors. Most of all, I envy him.
He, who has her.
He, who can wrap an arm around her waist, freely.
He, who can kiss her, any time he desires to do so.
He, who holds her precious heart.
And I, who never will.
It would never be enoughI could stare at your sleeping face for hours and never get tired.It would never be enough5 years ago in Emotional More Like This
I could lay in your arms always and I would never get bored.
I could bathe in your warmth for eternity and it would never be too hot.
I could love you forever and it would never be enough.
You are so deep in my skin; I feel your presence when you come near.
My whole body wishes to be beside you.
And when it is, to be closer still.
You are in my every thought. My every dream.
Why is it like this?
There have been others.
And to be perfectly and utterly honest, more than I can count.
It's just you.
I can't get you out of my mind and I never want to!
Because I love you. And I would never stop.
I will love you forever and even forever is not long enough.
MomentsI am five years old.Moments5 years ago in Stories & Vignettes More Like This
The boys in my class have just been teasing me about my last name. It is, unfortunately and a little ironically, Gaye. I'm at my desk crying while my first grade teacher talks to the boys in the hall. My best friend Garrett sits down next to me and tells me that I shouldn't cry because my name is spelled different than "the bad kind". I stop crying because I find that strangely comforting. But the heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach doesn't go away.
I am eight years old.
I'm reading a book from my favorite book series, the Alice series by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor. The book series started out age appropriately enough but as the girls in the books have gotten older, so has the material. The talk of innocent handholding and who likes who have turned into full on discussion of sex. But even though I know I'm not supposed to be reading things like this I continue to devour each book. At the part I'm at Alice has just seen her best friend kissing another girl at the ma
I Don't Belong HereA closet is a place for clothing.I Don't Belong Here4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
A place to shove skeletons of the past, deep into its boundaries.
A place to neatly store the unwanted.
A place to carelessly toss the unwanted.
A place of secrecy.
A place to conveniently conceal the sources of shame.
A place for the monsters to hide.
But it's no place for me.
I am not the monster in the closet.
I am not an animal,
Inhumane, untamed, or vicious.
There is no need for this containment.
There is no need for this cage.
Release me of this quarantine.
I am not sick.
I hold no disease, nor do I bear the plague.
I am not infectious.
I am human,
Who loves a girl.
And this closet is no place for me.
I guess...I guess I'm one of the lucky onesI guess...5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I don't get picked on for who I am
I guess I'm one of the fortunate ones
I've never lost a friend because of it
I guess I'm one of the blessed ones
I have no worries of getting jumped or beat up
I guess I'm one of the charmed ones
People who know me don't look at me any differently
I guess I'm one of the favored ones
No one is bothered by the fact I'm a little different then they
I guess I'm one of the happy ones
I can walk around with guys and look at girls while walking around with girls and look at guys
I guess I'm one of the holding aces
My friends know I'm not doing it to be popular
But I guess I'm just like everyone else
Because when I c a m e o u t
I lost what meant the most to me:
M y f a m i l y
One Shot: Love Conquers AllLove storyOne Shot: Love Conquers All5 years ago in Concrete Poetry More Like This
She walked toward her friend smiling widely. Was there ever any doubt they would be inseparable for the years to come?
Kira stopped mid step when she saw the black figures approaching her friend from behind her. "Vitania! Watch out!"
Vitania turned with her bat ready to strike whoever was going to her. But before she could swing, a hand flew across her cheek making her fly off to the side groaning in pain.
'You fucking bastards!' Kira screamed and drawing her own bat threw herself at them, swinging in rage hitting all she could hit.
But they were strong. They kept standing up and fighting back. Kira threw a frantic look toward Vitania who was now getting up with difficulty. She felt relieved for a second before rage consumed her. The bastards had hurt her. They would pay.
I watched helplessly from my place in the hard and cold ground as you swung both your bat and mine and hit your target full on the face or the chest. Even if it was dark, I could see the blood fly
Secrets.."We're just friends"Secrets..4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
You say these words again and again
Because everyone is convinced,
That we are girlfriends.
You laugh it off,
"Oh yea, as if!"
I laugh along
But you don't notice that it's cold.
You don't pay attention to
The pounding of my heart
When you rest your head on my chest.
You don't feel my fingers tremble
When they meet your skin.
You don't notice my breathing
When your tongue slithers over my neck.
You fall asleep in my arms,
So you don't feel my lips
Brush slightly against your ear
And what's more, you don't hear
When I whisper,
"I love you"
You mumble something from your dreams
And just as I think I may scream-
Before the tears start to fall-
I try to turn the other way,
But you mumble your rebellion
With a sleeping "No"
So I'm stuck.
Because I can't even bare to wake you up
Cause you look just like an angel.
So I bite down on my lip,
Keep the tears from escaping my eyelids.
"We're just friends"
I mutter to myself.
"Yea, as if!"
Some_hing's MissingI feel somethingSome_hing's Missing4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
missing in me
That spark I was too
blind to see
In fear I hid the truth
afraid to reveal any part
The part of me that's missing
may well be my heart
The path I walk is shrouded
in the darkest kind of hell
I transverse the landscape alone
But then that's just as well
For every hand that is offered
another friendship falls apart
While wondering in the darkness
of another broken heart
Something is missing in me
and I can't get it back again
When you are battling yourself
there's not much chance you'll win
Another soul lost in the screaming
silence of the longest night
Yet another lie is being told
with the whispered--it's alright
Something is missing in me
sometimes I want to scream
Will reality ever conform to the mold
of this sorcerers dream?
The battle leaves my soul so tattered
I know there's nothing left to gain
I can't give up and I can't give in
I can't surrender to this pain
Others look into this void and fill
it with what they need
While in the recesses of the so
losersWe sit out on the sidelines in gymlosers4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Because we can't run fast enough
We love our friends with all our hearts
But they still leave us one way or another
Because we weren't good enough
We focus on our school work
But fall just short of all A's
We must not have worked hard enough
We put our feelings into art and poetry
But can't even win one contest
Because no one liked it enough
We're called the losers, however
We're the ones that shape the world
And that knowledge is enough
We were numb, and now we seeI know that you point and laugh at me now.. but would you if we were children?We were numb, and now we see4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
As children, we didn't scrutinize things so much.. we accepted things as came, and we didn't question whether or not something was right or deemed 'wrong'.
So why is it that you still deny two giggling six-year-old girls the right to pretend to get married to each other?
It's because you don't want them to grow up 'wrong' or 'twisted' .. right..?
So when those two little girls kiss each other, because "that's what you do when you get married" do you make them sit in time out because "you're not allowed to kiss your friends" ?
Or are you afraid.. afraid to shatter the glass case that enshrouds them..? Are you so scared to shatter the innocence that 'protects' them from the real world..? Where people can marry whomever they please..?
That's right.. they can't.. not yet, at least.
Just because you have authority, it doesn't mean that you deserve to force them apart.
They may be young, they may be naive.. and th
Fluid AttractionSometimes it's strange not being straightFluid Attraction5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Often forgetting I like all genders
Not just one
Everywhere I look
Their gender, irrelevant
It's their style, how they stand out
Diversity is attractive
Breasts are gorgeous,
Women are sexy
Androgyne is hott,
The genderless are so fascinating
Sometimes a turn on
People just like me
Ones I understand
I forget how open I am
Often not realizing it isn't "normal"
Not everyone loves guys who are feminine
Or women who want mustaches
I may never be use to this
But I will always accept it
For this is who I am
I'll beI'll be a lover when you want itI'll be4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I'll be a best friend when you need one
I'll be a voice on the other end of the line when you just want to talk
I'll be a shoulder to cry on when life is too much
I'll be a pillar of strength when the worst happens
I'll be a smiling face when you are down
I'll be a bar of chocolate at that time of the month
I'll be a cup of coccoa on a winter day
I'll be a glass of ice water in the summertime
I'll be a valentine in febuary
But most importantly...
I'll be there
my storyWhen I look at you all I see is shame. I see myself ,my story5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
classed and judged as the whore the street walker, all because I believed in love,
I look at you and I see mistrust.
and you know what? why does it matter what happened back then?
Today is now and yesterday is gone, I can't change what happened and neither
can you ,with snide looks or whispered disappointment.
Maybe that's why I can't tell you,
I can't ever tell just how I feel
Being with her is the most natural thing in the world,
It feels right and perfect, different from what
I felt for him , better maybe even.
telling you would give you another reason to look on me with disgust
give you another reason to tell people I'm a handful
another reason to say why I'm not good enough.
Being perfect is all you care about and it just isn't
I'm no wonder woman or She-Ra and I wont ever be.
I need you to learn to accept me for me.
I am your daughter, I don't believe, I am bisexual and proud to be me.
CirclesI told her I'm a circle and she frowned.Circles5 years ago in Concrete Poetry More Like This
So I told her of the weight I carry.
But she thought I meant weight in pound,
When I meant the weight of wait to marry.
I told her circles go around and never cease
Their constant orbit around a point.
But- under scrutiny, to keep the peace,
They may speak of diameter so love stays joint.
Circles are the perfect shape, so said the Greeks
And Ptolemy, absent they are though
From architecture of the modern world, just lines and peaks.
But with all the hints she did not know.
So I took a deep breath and said we relate,
Because circles and I are not straight.
Welcome?"Welcome"Welcome?5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
An old man hands her a bulletin
Does he know?
Does he know he just welcomed a gay into his church?
What if he did?
Would he take it back?
Kick her out?
Yell at her?
Tell her she's a sinner?
This old man doesn't know.
He doesn't know that yet another secret gay just walked into his church.
Another parishioner sits in the pews ostracized
Listening to the Pastor at the pulpit
Slowly dying inside knowing she doesn't fit in,
Knowing this church doesn't accept her orientation, the love of her life.
This man doesn't know.
She takes the bulletin, feigns a smile, and walks into the church.
She finds a seat in the back
No one knows.
This is why people are so nice to her.
No one knows who she really is.
If they did, would they still welcome her?
ChainsChainsChains5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
A girl of 11
she is confused
for she has been brought up
to belive this was wrong
but yet here she was
kissing her first girlfriend
for the first time
At home she cries her self to sleep
knowing what her mother would do to her
not only would her wings be cut
but her spirit would be smothered
A year passes of confusion and worrying
a year of secrets
she was sick of it
she tells her mom at the age of 12
she is slapped for the first time
possessions taken away
friends are now suspects
she is now cast in chains
but she fights through it for the girl she loved
that girl breaks her heart
cheats on her
with her best friend
Now she has no hope
her fighting sceses
her will has been broken
at the age of 13
the chains are loosened enough
she breaks away for if only a day
returns with her will some what replenished
Mother full of scorn
suspects her friends touched her
they did not
the mother would not listen
more chains for her
school befcomes tougher
no more friends
every one beliv
All Is Fair In Love and War"She looks so depressed." A group of college students cluster around a fountain outside the cafeteria on a beautiful spring afternoon, all staring at the girl who eats her lunch alone.All Is Fair In Love and War4 years ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
"Well, wouldn't you be? Honestly if I were her I would have taken the day off " If the group thought they were being subtle, they were sorely mistaken. The hushed voices they were trying too hard to use really weren't working and their subject was getting impatient with their poor attempt at tact. She had thought that college was supposed to be past petty gossip, that a girl could actually keep her secrets around here. But no, because it was private, everyone knew about it. She was starting to doubt her choice in a smaller campus.
"Maybe she still has some hope. I mean, I'd rather think positively than negatively about something like that, you know?" Natalia felt the Styrofoam from her empty coffee cup slide under her nails as she slowly crushed her anger away. She didn't want their pity. She
I'm Different Than My SisterIn her teenage years, my sister wore "boy" clothes. She said she hated make-up, hated dresses, and hated anything else that was considered "girly". She played videogames, listened to "guy" music, among many other things. She also claimed to be bisexual. She'd date guys, and flirt with girls.I'm Different Than My Sister5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Then once her teenage years passed, she "changed". She started wearing skirts and dresses, wore make-up, and started being more "girly". She then admitted that she was straight, not bisexual, and was only saying she was bi for attention.
To her, acting and looking "guy" like, and pretending to be bisexual, was a game. Something she did because that was considered "cool", and "different".
I'm different than my sister.
Here, in my teenage years, I wear "boy" clothes. I hate make-up, hate dresses, and usually dislike things that are generally considered "girly". I play videogames, listen mostly to music considered "for guys", among other things. I am also bisexual. I can truly love others of either ge
ImpossibleSomeone once told meImpossible4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
That Gods greatest punishments
Can be his greatest gifts
But what did I do
To deserve such punishment
And why is it that
Whenever I get a gift
I will hold it one moment
Happier than ever before
Then it breaks and brings me
Lower than how I started
Again I ask what I did
To deserve such torture
Of the heart and mind
I ask while knowing
That I won't be answered
I'm just asking the impossible
Denial and AcceptanceI was scared - terrified - of the truth. I did not want to be the outcast. I was afraid of what was to come. I could not be different. It wasn't a simple denial - it was my fact. Not just emotions getting in the way - it was everything to me; meant everything to me.Denial and Acceptance5 years ago in Stories & Vignettes More Like This
Everytime i caught myself watching - staring, even - i would punish myself. I felt dirty and defiled. I felt there simply had to be something wrong with me. And something must be done about it.
I felt it was a choice. Maybe i was desperate. A choice of the mind to get rid of the helpless desperation. But how could i let it get to that point? Was i really so out of control of my own emotions?
Any thought that it was okay never crossed my mind. To me, it was not okay. Anyone else could be like this - anyone - and i would support them. But me? There wasn't even a possibility. It can't happen to me - it won't happen to me as long as i have a say in the matter. I will choose what i am to be. I have control over what i am
TasteThat spot beneath your ear,Taste5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Those lips, so soft and sweet,
The hollow of your neck,
And the smoothness of your feet.
Each finger on your hands,
Your shoulders, both so strong,
Those cheeks all flushed with red,
And the wetness of your tongue.
Your stomach as it quivers,
Those nipples, hard and high,
The circle of your navel,
And the flesh between your thighs.
I've tasted every inch,
Every luscious piece of skin,
I've kissed, caressed and stroked,
And licked from neck to shin.
So don't tell me that I'm crazy,
When my senses run quite rife,
'Cause the day that I first met you,
You brought my tastes to life.
A Life to LiveA Life to Live4 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Give to me a single word
Show me what you'd like to see
Tell to me the roads you've walked
And tell me where you want to be
Give to me the deepest breath
And also take my breath away
Fill my lungs with feelings big
Yet leave my voice with nil to say
Give to me a lasting kiss
Bring close to me your smiling face
Greet me with your arms spread wide
And take me in your warm embrace
Give to me a brand new heart
Inside my chest transplant a sprout
I promise that there's room enough
That nobody will push you out
Give to me a life to live
Teach me how to love again
I will be your only Mike
If you will be my only Ben
My story...I always felt I was different, but it was when I reached secondary school that I really started to feel like an outcast. Stupid little things started to get me down. I was constantly thinking about my sexuality, beating myself up over the thought that I was "different" and "not normal". I felt like an alien.My story...5 years ago in Emotional More Like This
Finally I got the courage to tell two close friends I was bi. I didn't tell them about my true sexuality straight away, I was terrified, terrified that they would reject me. They seemed quite accepting though.
Then I met my first girlfriend, a brilliant girl who wasn't afraid to show everyone who she was. She lived quite far away. I didn't tell many people about her. I knew what it would be like if it got around school that I had a girlfriend. I didn't feel entirely right about her. How could she be so happy about herself when I felt so wrong for being with another girl?
After seven months we ended up splitting up, and I found that even after all this time I still was in denial abo
lonelyWhile sitting in my roomlonely4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Late on Sunday night
I think about my weekend
Spent most of it online
The rest bothering my sis
My BFF couldn't call me
And she's my only friend
The person I want to see
I'm forbidden to speak to
I'm too shy to talk to people
Too afraid of more pain
That seems to follow me
I cry when I come to know
The cold realization that
I'm lonely, so lonely
And it can't be helped
I wish I was somebody else