The Last Thing I NeededThey forget to mentionThe Last Thing I Needed4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
how cold it was,
how your legs were pale and twisted in your sheets.
They don't talk about the tear-tracks on your sunken cheeks
or the purple marks on your paper eyelids.
They don't talk about how you were alone in the end.
It's not nice-
to die alone.
Two days after your death,
I woke up with a sheet over my mouth-
the feel of loss that clings to my bones and
the familiar weight of your clothes on my skin.
There were bad days;
the ones where you'd throw your words back
and then drink them down. Afterward we'd stumble home
on blistered feet and fall asleep unhappy.
You'd wake up at dawn and spill your secrets onto the floor
and cry when you couldn't put the pieces of your
life back together again.
I'd pull you back into bed with me and
our knees would brush. You were always cold.
anorexia of the heartAnorexia is buried inside your heart.anorexia of the heart5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
it growling, groaning,
in your touch.
it's starving you, depriving you
of smiles, kisses, embraces
and nights spent with a hand in yours.
You hide in the darkness
and bide your time weighing
the pros and cons of love.
the cons outnumber but they don't outweigh.
Your heart feels heavy with loneliness
but you say you can fix that
if you just try a little harder.
one day, it'll be as light as a feather
when it's beating in his hand.
You won't feel as bad when heartbreak rolls in on a red-carpet
because you were never given the golden ticket
of feeling like this.
Love Can't Be Simple Can It?GLove Can't Be Simple Can It?6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
It's not a choice
It's not an option
If it was
Do you think anyone would pick it?
I mean, come on.
You'd totally choose to be an outcast
Hated and feared
Mistreated and scared
Not knowing how any single person might react
A friend might turn on you
A parent could kick you out
Your sibling could hate you
Any random person could beat you up
Just for being who you are
irrational fear of, aversion to, or discrimination against homosexuality or homosexuals
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary
Unneeded and hurtful hate, fear, violence and pain caused by one person to another because of who they like and love
According to me
angels and constellationsThere's cracks in the bedroom ceiling.angels and constellations5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
we looked up from our place on the ground as we slept on hard-wood floors
and claimed we could pin-point certain constellations
and we were dragging black crayons between the lines
because (for the first time) we wanted to prove something to ourselves.
We weren't out of minds just yet.
we shifted the bed to the other side of the room
and moved the dresser in front of the window;
to block out memories of the outside and all the hurt we'd felt before.
we'd sweep up dust-angels and watch them follow our lungs down.
We weren't ready to leave just yet.
incense would burn holes in our eyesight and fog our common sense
and we'd watch the smoke twist around our fingers all night long.
we were twirling and swirling and curling our toes
beneath the summer sun and glow of artificial light until we couldn't feel a thing.
i don't think we could support ourselves.
There's cracks in the bedroom ceiling.
and you left behind a letter addressed to what you saw in m
part-time friendi have yet to find somethingpart-time friend5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
that adequately describes what it felt like
to lose you.
Restless1am.Restless5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
My fists are clenching in frustration and my mind is churning.
I wonder what you think about before you go to sleep.
Do you fall to your knees and pray?
Do you shut the door so your family won't hear you cry?
I've been restless lately.
Who would've known.
2am and I'm blaming my mistakes
for curling next to me under the covers
and pinching at my flesh and bone.
The demons slip in beneath the closed door
and they're back in control.
It's 3am and I'm still awake;
considering the possibility that maybe, just maybe,
there's space next to me
that you could fill.
The clock blinks 4am
while my muscles are deteriorating and my skin is re-shaping
and I'm unfolding into something
that was secretly always less than strong.
It's 5am now.
Somehow, I think,
Maybe you and I could be lost and not-so-happy together.
BruisesYour hands are bruised againBruises4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
and I'm wrapping you up with pretty words and bandages
because you're so ugly
while I'm just horrible and horribly attracted to horrible people.
I see your skin
of yellow, purple and green
and your tired dreamer eyes
in all the photo frames
hanging on the walls of this prison you dressed up as a home.
I heard from the woman next door that
your smile is pretty but rare
and the man across the hall said
it runs in the blood and he may be right because
I've seen your blood running.
You push and swallow all your problems
because your mother never told you how to let go.
I don't believe she even knew how
because she loved that man to the day she died
even though he left her for Angeline and
he left Angeline for Augustine
and after that there was Alicia
and last I heard he was living with an Amelia
somewhere in America.
Maybe he had a problem with holding on.
I'm sure you would know better than me.
Sometimes I think
no refundstake. take. take.no refunds5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
i'll allow you to burrow holes into me,
if you need a place to feel safe and warm
but remember to give something back.
i don't want to be left with nothing again.
because i don't want to be nothing
a world and starry eyesi. i will remember what you saida world and starry eyes5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
even if you try
to burn the words right off
your own lips and through my memory
ii. you can't hide
by dressing yourself in her shadow
insecurity doesn't look good on you.
tear yourself out and try something new.
iii. i tacked up all those smiles
while the wolves howled
between the spaces in my walls
the room's too small to handle these tears
iiii. i'm through waiting
for the silence to feel indifferent,
i'm with you
but you're not with me
iv. can we linger for this moment?
maybe these things will get better
though the rain does nothing for you,
it'll always wash me away.
a long time waiting butyou are invisiblea long time waiting but5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
and i am finally
State Your EmergencyI can hear you in the back of my mind,State Your Emergency4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
telling me you're going to kill yourself
and then hanging up.
Just pick up the phone.
time fractures and blank pagesyour morning smile is so widetime fractures and blank pages5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
it'll break my heart later on.
it reminds me of arrows and the light drumming of heartbeats.
light seeps into the walls and
dawn dyes your eyes, heavy-lidded.
the day is golden.
good morning, beautiful.
you've got me thinking that
maybe i'm not invincible after all
when you begin to resemble the cheshire cat in the afternoons.
Just sinking into clouds made of cotton candy
that will turn your teeth into dust.
i'll be patient but you've never been good at re-appearing.
when the afternoons dies
and we are waiting for the birth of night;
you sink into the spaces between my rib bones
and we acknowledge the facts laid bare;
that the cracks in my heart were forming
before i knew what hurt really was.
the afternoon has passed it's expiration date
so you threw it out for a new sky.
you're looking like a con artist tonight.
[hey buddy, wanna buy a watch?]
spare your time to just look over here
because i'm not your buddy
and time proves to be useless and irrelative o
waking up next to innocencemaybe one day i'll returnwaking up next to innocence5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
to find you're still so intoxicating
but you're breathing colourful lies through your teeth
and we're rotting from the inside out.
i'm crawling under your skin,
you've got a lot of nerve.
we don't see eye to eye
so maybe i should scrape down
to your level.
these eyes won't work for some hours now
and these hands
are taking the time we've got left
and strangling the familarity out of it
because it hits too close to home.
i can't tell time and it can't tell me
if i'm half-past where i was.
good evening. good bye.
i'd want to be next to you
if we could wake up as innocent as children again.
2:30 AMit wasn't intentional of me2:30 AM6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
to bare my walls to you.
i should have known you
would start planning how
to take my walls down at once
instead of one brick at a time.
i literally had no strength to
stop you from discovering
the sins i had committed to
see if i could cheat death again.
i am not ready to spill my
secrets at the struck of
midnight as the world continues
to fall apart around us.
it wasn't intentional of me
to breathe for you yet i am.
now i can't get enough of your
achromatic eyes cause you are
love in a hospitalYou are like an oxygen mask that keeps me breathing. You're like a heart monitor that keeps me out of line. You're like a vaccine that breaks down all the bad in me. You are like an IV of medicine that keeps me from hurting too badly.love in a hospital5 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
You're like a heart defibrillator that brings me back. You're like a stethoscope for the times I need to make sure my heart is still beating. You're like CPR for when you take my breath away and your arms are like the bandages that wrap themselves around me. You're the doctor that sends me on my way but more than anything;
You're the accident that keeps me coming back.
Secret KeeperYou tell me to trust you,Secret Keeper5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
That you'll keep my secrets safe.
I play it safe and start small
I tell you about my low self-esteem
And tell you that you can't tell
But you go and tell others my secret.
You wanted to be my secret keeper
But I can't even trust you with a minor one
To be a secret keeper you can't tell,
You need to be a good friend
And keep secrets secret
The trust you wanted had to be earned,
Yet you expected it to be blindly given
By a girl that's only known pain.
Acting as you have makes it harder to trust
My love that I had for you is no more,
Farewell my friend, you can't be my secret keeper forever more.
speak a thousand wordsit's too late and you know betterspeak a thousand words5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
than to open up.
they say that speaking helps to ease the mind
but the words burnt holes in your throat
and nothing will ease the pain.
you're lying down now.
but you're looking up now.
the therapist asks you to pull yourself back.
falling into old habits,
relapsing into these vintage memories;
saying maybe there was a foot-note you missed.
you turn your head away
your soul is just too sensitive to the light.
you're standing up now.
but you're looking down now.
she hands you a blank book and
you give her a blank stare.
tells you to write down your thoughts
but you can't translate them
and the pen rejected them
and the lines felt like a cage
and the book is better blank.
you know, once tainted,
nothing is ever the same.
you're turning around now
but you're losing your mind now.
the gold flakes in your eyes
have lost their shine
and your voice is floating above the clouds.
there's got to be a place that's safer than this.
you say tha
sharing lungs among ex-friendshome.sharing lungs among ex-friends5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
there's so much emotion,
we all drown.
these mood swings could bring this house down
on all of us.
the coffee drips down my hand
i gotta keep moving.
the room is cold
but my skin feels hot, feels prickly.
like i've got pins and needles
beneath my skin.
i wish i could scratch it out.
you said we wouldn't stay long
but the night goes on.
halo 'round the moon.
candles flicker, the warmth showers.
and there's reflections of orange off empty cans.
scotch on the table,
looking like apple juice.
music plays off the stereo
people are tripping over their feet.
it's barely nine.
i never want to be drunk.
i'm not over-reacting.
you're a bitch.
the library: like a second home.
printed words are better friends.
i'm sick of all this sentimental crap
you throw between you two.
with-holding the urge
to tell you to just fuck already.
see you later.
[fake smiles, don't s
ConversationsAnd she saidConversations5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
"In your heaven, there is pain
and inside of me there is a hell
I have seen as much as one thousand eyes
and I've spoken with the tongue of the devil.
I walked so far trying to find you
and it's worn down my spirit.
You've always been this phantom in my mind".
And I said
"You were the rain, a storm
I had been waiting on for a hundred years.
A violent and sudden hurricane
that I felt right down to my bones.
I was this ghost of a person while
you were this vicious contrast,
a contradiction of fragility and strength
that fit some how into my reality".
In WinterIt is you, in winterIn Winter3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
and your voice on the phone, "Please pickup-
-There's been an accident" but the accident is me
so I watch the lights
while the world keeps spinning.
another way to breathe revisiti find myself running back to youanother way to breathe revisit5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
i have no other place to go
you don't have to remind me
God Is Watching.
maybe I needed
a place to belong
more than i ever needed Him
when her hands grab my wrists
i'll be thinking of something different
don't let me fall alone.
from my place
face down in the dirt,
i'm wishing you were here.
maybe it's meant to be this way
with nothing left to say
we fall upon creaking beds
in cheap hotel rooms.
These Walls Are Talking Back.
i hate the way
we run away,
needing us to stay right here.
with concrete hearts,
the night comes and I'm still breathing
this prophecy is proven wrong.
i know your disappointment.
when time bends and i break,
in my lack of breathing,
you'll find solace