fragmentary assassinsa moment strangulates itselffragmentary assassins7 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
on a whim i let fall daisies
out of my mouth
chaining to become the crowns
of every I O U
the wall is the floor
my head is an ocean is a
lens cap is a migratory
formation i am jugular
i am heavy lidded i
am two minutes away from
this is a becoming this
is an undoing this is an
and you are every last piece
of the puzzle found
swollen with rain so it never
two taughtYou were me in my dream. I watched you placate myself with nervous flickings of my fringe behind my ears. Smoke curled around my splutterings as you habitually inhaled, forgetting it wasnt your body; those werent your lungs.two taught7 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
I tried to warn you before you looked into my satchel; you made me take out a handful of balled up tissues, bunches of forgotten receipts and a half empty notepad, with some useless words scrawled joylessly across the half full. No pen.
Curses started to back flip continuously out of my mouth, words you had always said, and I had never wanted to. I tried to tell you that I didnt mean what I was sayingbut stopped shortrealising.
I wanted to know why you felt the need to. But I knew, because you were me, and I was you, so I had toright?
In my dream I was you. Your fingers, your hands; I traced your right forefinger around the loop on your left thumb. Followed the spindly branches of your life line, resting on your luck lines and sl
running through the messesyou trick your mind,running through the messes8 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
you forget all the impulses,
you silence the routines and fractures of memories isolating your every moment.
you take a long cold drink.
you rest your head against the wall for some stability.
you let your mind drain out the sludge you keep there rotting.
you stop the motions,
you stop them just before they start,
you volley your thought processes into another direction.
you loosen your grip,
you let it take hold of you for just a second,
you allow yourself to give in to the screaming and all of the rushing voices.
you do this
you do this so you can
you do this so you can just go on.
youmesmeriseme[youmesmeriseme7 years ago in Typographical More Like This
you mesmerise me
you rise me; me's me
me me me, rises you
mire see you, me e
see you-me, sire
is you (me-you)
you see me
i see you
is your me
you see me is i
the circle, the squarei tried this morning i did. i tried very hard, and it started but it never reached a crescendo, it sort of fizzled out like a not held on to the bottom of balloon.the circle, the square8 years ago in Philosophical More Like This
it started. but there was no follow through. i think i've run dry. it scares me, scares me so much, because it's lurking somewhere dark and mysterious, maybe somewhere locked behind my ribs, somewhere in between all my pulsing soft textured organs in my abdomen. with bright ugly eyes and waiting.
maybe it was a conscious unconscious subconscious thing. where my mind in all it's forms wouldn't won't doesn't let me at all. if ever, anymore, again.
just left with red slight swells and a head ache. i think i stopped it, stopped the attack before it broke.
consciously unconsciously subconsciously stopped the anxiety attack just before it floored me,
nice time too, in the shower, could have slipped and fell like so many other times.
the water washes it away.
the water washes nothing away.
i dont believe her when she said that hot
to see it fall, forgetsworse than the leavesto see it fall, forgets7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
(and it isn't even blowing
cold across your shoulders)
there is no wind,
and you fall
like the tree --
(but not so)
i am the only
one to hear you
crumple, see you
and i told her to waitand i told her to wait one hour and a day, but she was too impatient.and i told her to wait7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
instead, she stayed for a year and a week
and wept bitterly at her crying shoes.
i said, 'dont cry for your feet,
they only follow your voice
and you make the choice to lead them astray'
she bit cheeks of an apple, and left me the core
i told her no more and she took back hello
ate up all my heart, drank all my love juice. spat all the pips out. the whore.
she dallied past non sequiturs and fell victim to gullibility,
her paranoia blinding her light. she couldnt see, couldnt hear, nor realise
what was so blatantly latent.
i asked her what it meant to let the sky fall around you
and she said it has everything to do with looking up
always looking back with more to do than smile. she sighed
i told her, 'your knees creak with uncertainty
because you never found the time to decide,'
she replied with 'but i dont even like apples'
'dont fall victim to yourself,' and she laughed
and cried and screamed and fell over herself a
What is noi was looking for someone once,What is no8 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
it wasnt you,
but i found you instead.
i wasnt disappointed so much as surprised
but life takes different courses
as rivulets of tears and blood down my cheeks
you know. you do.
when realisation hits you like a knife in the guts
spewing forth your last meals,
and all the tubework you knew you had, but never have had the pleasure of viewing.
i remember the day i saw my first.
i remember the day i saw my first.
i remember the days of everythings
but i like to shut it out
i like to remember sunshine
even if the warmth i feel on my face in closed eyes
is the heat of anger
the rain i feel,
of points to shoot off from
sentinels bolting down,
canoeing across lands expanses.
to battlegrounds of fingermarks.
i could tell you all a story
whilst telling myself, for the first
i could say to her what i lied about
but it wouldnt make it better
and phone calls from nowhere are so lovely frightening
i hang up after the first hello
in secondswe move in yearsin seconds7 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
no thingi know my name is different on every tongue utteredno thing8 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
i know my voice is heard in your way, not mine
i know whatever i release into their world, it can never be mine again
i know that holes in walls can't be glued back together with kisses
i know that once i finally wash these clothes i can still smell you
i know giving up on things for sakes of someone's elses will only make me worse
i know that following old pathways will only lessen my resolve
i know that laying in my supposed self-delusion is only re-enacting my adolescence
i know that allowing myself to open up will only end in destruction
i know that falling into old habits is what always saves me
i know that not allowing myself will only bleed me dry
i know that i should shoot the birds and not myself
i know these words look better on paper than anywhere else
i know that my memories default to what i like to lie to myself about
i know the edges come out clearer when i look red razor eyed
i know the cracks appear when i stop drinki
the truth as otheri get the best thoughts in your boarded up toiletthe truth as other7 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
shutting the door tight and hiding where you won't find me.
it hasn't been used for years. the window beams
orange light at me through the cardboard.
it's warm in here, it's filled with spider breath, and i could pretend
i was an earl, with web-hair clumped as curls.
the air is dust and mould and 1980-something -
i can't quite pick the vintage.
i let it settle on my tongue and try my best to keep quiet
you'll hear me and if you do...
i tend to find perfect presents for people i used to know
ten, five, two years too late.
sometimes i buy these things just because of the feelings they evince, they procure. i leave them in places their younger selves might wander through.
do you like it?
and i don't do so well with thank yous as i'd like
no i don't do so well with you at all
i think it's kind of crazy to rely on one thought, one goal, one ability, one truth
and i find it kind of ridiculous that i tend to never follow my own
becoming y.I was brought up well.becoming y.8 years ago in Transgressive More Like This
My mother taught me to feel guilty about everything.
And of all the boys that ever flailed their cocks at me like I owed them that kind of therapy, you were the only one that made me feel like a fucking whore.
but i want to go back to there, to then, to that time. not now. not here. not this.
this is shit.
i am in read-only mode.
give me some hope for other people
i'll sleep when the room stops spinning, when the thoughts stop coming
got none left for me
i try to make as little noise as i can. in whatever i do.
i smile at little kids. they tend to smile back.
it's like infiltration, a pretty package, with a lot of bastards at the ready on the inside.
coax, lie, debilitate with kisses. be pliant when in first rhythms, then never change, then only ever force change
you lied first. you lied so many times, that there are whole periods that i can't reconcile
in my mind with reality. its all a bit incongruous.
then you, you say, stop dwelling on the pas
The priceWould you be angry if I stopped right here. Got off and let you down.The price8 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
Got up and left you there. Stopped myself up and said no, no more.
I think I would be angry. I think I would not want you to dance upon those streets alone, frisking to the fro. And gruyere dripped from lips I wouldn't be wiping, crumbs of boudin noir I wouldn't be laughingly picking out of your beard. You've got a little… here… no there…
I'm sure I would be angry, but I'm angry anyhow, and location displacement makes all the difference how?
I wouldn't be the one idly picking flowers, hummingly, sweetly when I know I shouldn't be, you reclining on elbows, watching me as if I were your muse again. And modern symphonies and growls and shriekings (I'm not using you for your lyrics you know) I know. I know.
When I come to place booted feet onto grounds he hasn't walked upon since he was eighteen. You won't be there.
When and if I brave the tips of icebergs in countries I shouldn't be travelling, you won't be there (let's
you moved softlyYou moved softly, like end of summer leaves falling into autumn, turning the pages of the air with your fingers, as a silent maestro begging the orchestra to play. I never met so many instruments willing, waiting, dying to be resonant.you moved softly7 years ago in General More Like This
Stepping into the street, watching you, sounds lose meaning they dont disappear but they elongate into the stretching moment and Figaro in and out of my ears as a rushing hissing straining noise. Like whistling kettles I havent heard, in real-time, for years.
Silk rippling slowly through the air from you; your arms are fluid and wistful. You seem so sad as you run your fingerprints across your skull, parting the trees of your scalp and shaking your hair forest into earthquakes as you landslide your eyebrows into an upheaval of tectonic plates.
I never knew a frown could be so beautiful. And I never knew that painted pain could swallow my breath like lights blinking out in the night. I lie, I have always known, but you brin
do you ?whose person did i become?do you ?7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
(i struggle to shut out all the things that i wasnt saying)
i dream incessantly
and stare far too much at the sky
(can you tell me what it says about me?)
I'm quiet when I break. And no, you wouldn't know, I could be smiling, and no, you wouldn't know. I could be laughing at your jokes and your surface weather pleasantries, and I could be breaking, and no, you wouldn't know.
There is stonework I traced, and never memorised completely, cracks I didn't step on and fingers interlaced, conversations I recall pieces of, like pieces of string humming reverberations from a can on the other side
I'm too stubborn for anyone's good. I couldn't relax into a moment... wait, I could; what I mean
dust dancesThey say it is a fire in the belly, but I start to think it is lights. Perching high along the ceiling, viewing all the stages of decay as the peacock feather green peek-a-boo peels itself off and dust dances spores into this waste we call oxygen. We breathe.dust dances7 years ago in General More Like This
I would grow watermelons for you in my stomach fields if you would like the time to feel the seeds beating. But I dont remember if I ever asked you. Little watermelons of light; pink lights growing red. Dont swallow.
He asked me for a day, he said, we could pretend we were explosive happy, and smile so much our cheeks sting like apples, and laugh until we wheeze like horses. But how do you pretend youre pretending, he never told me. I think I seem to miss the point sometimes.
I cannot recall the name of the streets we lived in, on that day. But I remember the clouds and their foray with the birds, and the sun swords chivalrous and terrible across the zephyr pull, and push of yo
Give up on that emptyIt is with your visible formsGive up on that empty7 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
and deep laments; carrying you
across tempests of metaphor.
A million ways to say
the same heart ache made
But we are left with our
alones, our darkened skies
of misplaced whys. Fists
beating upon a simile
drenched with synonyms
for heart hurt.
Are we here to commiserate?
To begin again a dance
whose music stopped
before the curtsy thanks.
And even if this waltz is
burdened by cliche
shared by many with only
differentials; variables of
the same theme and same
outcome: I again will
pretend that no one has
ever kissed like this.
ends with one. And IIts November again and I feel as if the bracken on the trees has changed so much. And yet, I would not knowI am so far away from that placein not only years.ends with one. And I7 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
I believe you look the same. Of course I cant be sure, but real-time details dont change my mental image of you. So I say it. So I believe it. You would rather me believe youve changed for the better, but I know better could only be the same as you were.
But I have changed, of course. And of course it is only ever one-sided this we would agree on. You try to tickle out the nuances you remember that I do not, but I didnt tell you I learnt to suppress the urge to laugh.
But Ill laugh, dont worry.
What I remember most are your eyes. Because they are everything I knew I wanted to exist. No, I couldnt tell you what colour they are, in certainty, but I know them more than I know my own.
Although, I must learn to remember that all we're doing is finding a very similar kin
They've got my soul.I wonder how many photographs I'm in, how many I never allowed; how many photo albums in however many countries where my back made an appearance as urban landscape. My face twisted in discontent forever immortalised on a shelf in Beijing. Belonging to people I've never known. And will never.They've got my soul.7 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
What is your name, smiling child in nineteen ninety-three? Playing beside me, smiling at your... mother? What's her name, where do you live, what did you have for dinner that night?
I won't know, can't know, like the ways of the universe; never.
Why are these simplicities so out of reach?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I could have hurt you, sorry that I could have bulldozed through your chest and picked your heart crops right out of you. I didn't plant them, they were never mine to steal. I'm sorry for all the words I could have said to hurt you, and all the words I could have never said which would have hurt more.
You know? Do you know me? Know me more in this never than any one could ever in a real-t
too long too lateit is a gentle pitytoo long too late7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
that i will never know you,
and you will never know me
i myself say say liarii myself say say liar7 years ago in Typographical More Like This
way that you
would have me be
but it is kind of funny
that i am also not the way
that i myself would like to be
which is to say that im not myself
but it is also to say that I always am
do i become both liar and prophet
doesnt matter which im more
when im a fool either way
and so closed within
my little box of
no i am
by the action ofi opened my mouth into a yawnby the action of7 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
to swallow your teeth, and your indecision
your fancy shoes, they get stuck
in my throat, at the back
they scratch the letters of you
impure, they catch up on the liquid of
you: impure. my growl deepens into
and calm, it is indistinct between
the day, the night you felt warm enough to stop
i close my breath deep, around each moment
every thread inside each eye lid, pressed against the
it hears a threat in the heartbeat, tastes a threat in the tongue
a threat in the
Just dead pieces of you...its soJust dead pieces of you...8 years ago in Other More Like This
uncovered whirlI left my eyes on the shelf so you had no reason to stare at me mouth-word lostuncovered whirl7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
So you could curl into the crackle of my demands;
rumbling from inside
falling quiet through my throat
and coming out as ghost whisper
So sure you heard it?
I was so sure you heard it.
But it doesnt seem to matter so much
Example, follow-through, finished product.
I am your awake
your finished thought compliant
your signed certificate of
they treacle trickle down black-washed paths
padded silent in the closed sign hours
holding close from the streetlight
making sure not to wake the neighbours
adjusting loose pieces of
enamoured with the scent of you
closed outside my breathing apparatus
learning how to perfect a vacuum
you know all the places
that make me want to
cringe, but i
cover girl it up with lust.
You love me
Oh, you love me
you love me love me love me love me
love-me love-me love-me love-me