Story in shortI am a daughter
To a father who is a pedophile and a mother who didn't protect me
I am a sister
To six siblings, five sisters and one brother
I am a mother
To my little boy, who is my reason to keep on living
I come from physical abuse
Years by the hands of a step father who hated me, and a mother who just watched from the distance
I come from mental and emotional abuse
Loved one second, hated another, and told over and over again how bad, worthless, and unneeded I am
I come from sexual abuse
Scary nights learning things I shouldn't of learned so young , no one believing me till the FBI came
I locked away the pain
And started cutting
I stopped smiling
And learned to fake my way though life
I am not my father, I am not my mother
But my biggest fear is that deep down I am
I wished for death and attempted so many times
That wicked smileI sit here watching the world pass me by,That wicked smile3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
As I contemplate, leaving this world behind.
Please I don't want to hear another word,
All you'll do is lie.
"Don't tell anyone or you'll get daddy in trouble and you don't want that do you?"
I nodded meekly, and then played my part.
Those words he said will always and forever haunt my mind.
When I die,
I wonder if they'll say I didn't try
Or maybe they'll all just cry.
I don't want them to cry,
I want a little part of them to die too.
Does that sound really narcissistic?
Does that sound really pessimistic?
Doesn't really matter,
Not after so long.
Those bruises have come and gone,
My scars have deepened and faded.
So now as I look back on my life,
I have to admit the cons out weigh the pros.
I'll stand up,
Walking to the edge of the building,
I glance down at the world below.
Taking one last breath
"Goodbye world. I am leaving you with your pain and worries.
With you dead and dying.
With your evil and corrupt.
I am leaving you all t
Within the Rumorsa slight little boyWithin the Rumors3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
always at the end
of the rope, the line
always the one
who gets ignored
always the one
that rumors involve
they told him he was gay
they told him he was sad
they told him he was scared
they told him
but he knew better
still they came
with an accusations
saying you can't love
the person he does
he's starting to believe
all the thing they whisper
he's staring to believe
all those stories they made
slowly giving in
to doubts and fears
back into himself
he's only safe
within his mind
the privacy that it contains
he's locked the door
that let everyone in
he closed the blinds
on their horrid words
now he's that
slight little boy
with nothing to say
and not much to talk about
Mental Hiding PlaceMy mind is a bad place to beMental Hiding Place3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
But sometimes is the only place
Where I can hide and feel safe
Nobody can find me or hurt me
When I'm there - hidden in some
dark corner or trapped in some imaginary world...
All I have to do is close my eyes,
cover my ears and I'm alread there
Where time and space are no longer important
There are times though is not so easy to get in
I have to try harder, sometimes I need a extra help
But once I get in
I stay there for as long as I can
I wish I could be there forever
And forget about the outside world
written in november 24, 2010
Blessed SilenceSometimes I wish I could forget how to speakBlessed Silence3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Not being able to emit a sound would be like heaven
I wouldn't have to waste my breath saying meaningless words
To express worthless feelings, thoughts and needs
Living in total silence would be a bliss
written in august 30, 2010
Goodnight My LoveGoodnight My Love3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
goodnight my love
i no longer wish to wake
can not resist the urge to sleep
a deep death sleep
no more do i want the bright light of life
it burns my eyes
and every breath sears my throat
i choke on every inconsequential beat of my heart
goodnight my love
the dream was sweet
saccharine in its promises
but the reality sours on my tongue
it tastes of bitter anger and spoiled hope
and has become too foul to swallow
too sharp to touch
my hands bleed from holding it too tight
goodnight my love
it is not your fault
there was just too much pain
and now i will sleep it all away
hidden deep within from the bite of this cruel life
curled around what little of me is left
like a small vein of gold in a mountain
because i was golden once
Memorizing Each OtherShe pockets the starsMemorizing Each Other3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And chases the moon
She keeps aiming high
Even though she misses
She memorizes each piece of him
She clutches his back
And memorizes the notches
Of his flawless glass spine
She traces his rib cage
His rice paper thin skin
With her quill like fingers
And leaving her magic touch
She grips his hip bones
Memorizing the exact spots
That they seem to escape
When he moves her closer to him
He memorizes each piece of her
He catches sight of diamonds
In her ocean colored eyes
That seem to hold the universe in them
He runs his finger
Along her nectarine lips
And tastes the sweet nectar
That lies inside them
He loses himself in her
While clutching her hands
As they rise together
Above the endless sky
They captivate each other
And fit together like a puzzle
Two flawed pieces that were broken and forgotten
Have somehow managed to complete each other
moments of fake silencei.moments of fake silence3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I wish someone would silence me. The truth is, I talk too much even when my mouth is shut. I'm a ventriloquist of some sort, my mind sits on my knee and babbles of whatever I am pretending not to say. It's such a poor puppet, talking out of turn. I would love to tie strings to its synapses, pull it along an empty stage, and watch it put on a chitchat show without a skull to hide behind. But now that I think about it, loneliness is always worse when you bring it upon yourself.
It is a Thursday night and it is not quiet enough and even if it was it's too cold for crickets now. That was the joy I found in hot nights not even the ceiling fan could put to rest; I could lie down on my bed, face down, and the whole room would rise up on cricket wings. If I closed my eyes long enough, I could picture them lined up in the bushes outside my window. Humming Ambien, insomnia with eyes half-opened, they put me in a cradle and sang me a lullaby and in the morning they were still composers
My Favorite SinShadows patrolMy Favorite Sin3 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
these decaying halls
of restless disposition.
Handing out hell passes
to sinful lovers
who reek of discontent.
I claim my own
to play with jaded souls
who taste of salt
They feel like heaven
despite this hell
to set me free.
So I pace these halls
with lustful intentions
is my favorite sin.
I devourer all who captivate.
Domestic ViolenceI awake to the soundDomestic Violence4 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
Of broken glass
A woman's laugh
Then a silence
Deafening it seems
Followed by a crash
Then a scream
Up and down the hall
Cast from a lamp
To illuminate it all
I'm nine years old
I've been here before
I climb from my bed
Down to the floor
Underneath to hide
From the war at home
This is my domestic violence poem
About Bulima*Please seriously consider if you want to read this if you have an eating disorder or are predisposed to self destruction of any kind, I don't want anybody to get hurt just because they read my story. Further note on this at the bottom of the page.About Bulima4 years ago in Stories & Vignettes More Like This
My biggest mistake came at the age of sixteen when, for the first time in my life, I leaned over the toilet bowl, using my toothbrush to harass my gage reflex.
I was desperate, I was beyond caring for my health, I just wanted to be thinner. I had to take back control. I had to be thin. I don't feel like a real woman unless im slim. But I couldn't do it, I didn't know how get thin without hurting myself. I thought, if that's what it took, then so be it.
Id already had a minor past of dabbling in the world of eating disorders. I was misdiagnosed with ADHD at the age of fifteen and prescribed, essentially, speed. I couldn't sleep for literally days at a time, it made me feel crazy, it felt like I was being locked away in my head. But it
KissesKiss me before you leave,Kisses3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
let me feel those lips one last time before you say your goodbye,
let me look you in those eyes- those beautiful green eyes.
Let me hold you in my arms once more just to feel you against my warm body.
Kiss me before you leave,
so I can taste your goodbye on those salty lips-
where many sensations have passed between us,
and our hearts make leaps and bounds and skips.
Don't leave me untill you kiss me,
so you can feel what you will be missing-
Years and years of making love with those lips,
where they trailed down my body and landed caresses on my hips.
I've lost myself in those lips of yours,
where I careened to the abyss of the universe,
where I had to tell myself to breath,
to stop before I died in your arms.
Before you leave-
Remember those moments of heated nights under the stars,
where God looked down at us-
and we were not abashed about our love.
Because kisses make you feel what you know deep down inside-
we were made for each other.
These WordsOver and over again I think about itThese Words3 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
I saw you
You say it's all in my head
But I saw you
You broke that special promise
I believed in you, and I trusted you
Do you still have that look in your eyes I once saw?
I keep picturing it over and over again
You're playing with my mind
I can tell, and you can't hide from it
But I can see it, I'm going down now
I can feel it, I'm losing you
When I close my eyes at night
The pain you caused me is all I see
So please, just end it, don't lie to me
I can't love you like I used to.
Beyond The SunI can only imagine the things running through your headBeyond The Sun3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
How fragile some things may seem
And how horrid thoughts may be
I feel cold my heart is uneasy
My mind is frozen in fear
It's dark but I'm still shedding these tears.
Why can't I get out of this state?
It's like if I were blind
I don't know what I'm going to do at this rate
I don't know what to follow
Where are my wings??
Why can't I fly?
God why won't you let me try?
Things are only becoming a blur
I start to tremble as I think of you again
Why won't my heart calm down?
I want to rip it out
I feel like I'm going to drown
Maybe this is too much
Maybe I should just let go
I'm so confused
I'm lost I'm blind
Why can't I open my eyes?...
"Triangle." One plus OneIt is a simple formula."Triangle." One plus One3 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
(A to the second power)
A young woman focused on steering falling stars. She calls the shots, directs a story to create picture perfect memories, and jumps over whatever is in her way, because she always gets what she works for.
She meets someone.
(B to the second power)
A young man who spends his time marveling at the elegance of Euler and the galaxy-sized preciseness of Pythagoras. His heart hasn't beat for three years, and he has learned to live with that.
The inevitable happens.
(C to the second power)
She falls in love with him, but his heart is too dead to even care as she bombards it with angry phone calls.
DeceasedCold slabDeceased3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
against my bitter pale
A deafening silence
lost within impenetrable darkness,
voices float above
but I cannot speak
Only dead weight
lungs devoid of air
aware that I have
been reduced to
being seen only as an object
somehow less human
A sterile heavy
oblivious to the scalpel
that slices open my skin
prodding through my insides.
Just a hollow shell
to be drained away,
locked back into
my metal cave
only a name,
on a data sheet.
A Father's LoveWe stand worlds apartA Father's Love3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
and I know in my heart
you never imagined
this day would come,
never crossed your mind
that I would turn out this way,
and how I fought,
tried to turn away
to become what I thought
would make you look at me with pride,
but I crumbled and fell
and you were the one
to lift me back up,
and when I broke down and cried
and told you the truth,
I couldn't be what you always wanted,
I wasn't that boy
to play catch in the yard,
or make it on the football team
and surround myself with girls.
While I was terrified
you only smiled
the look in your eyes
told me you knew all along.
You dried my tears
and told me that no matter what,
regardless of who I loved,
I was and would always be
African GoldSaffron infused skies,African Gold3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
the sun crests the horizon
a rising fire amid the
Nowhere left to hide
before the naked eye
across a distant plain.
suffused beneath the heat,
cracked, parched earth
under a cloudless sapphire.
Wheat-brown hues move
with stealthy subtlety
where a shadow is no
reprieve but a danger signal.
Even the wind barely stirs,
muted where the slightest sound
spells life or death.
A place where everything
is held suspended waiting,
opportunities rare, once offered
like stolen gems.
Here a treasure
which does not catch
within the sunlight, its
weight knows no measure.
But it breathes with life,
a land woven in gold
that is more than a stone
but sails through the soul.