20 Reasons Why I Hate Twilight1) It's poorly written. Stephen King can back me up on SMeyer being a horrible writer.
2) Those are not vampires, they're sparkly fags. And by fag, I don't mean gay, I mean fag.
3) Edward is a 107 year old virgin. Can you say pathetic?
4) Bella has no redeeming qualities; she's a very weak main character. Physically she isn't strong. She can't run away right even; she trips too much. She's not smart, either, she's almost brain dead (come on, how long did it take her to figure out Edward was a vampire again?). She's not very pretty. She's not nice; she treats her friends horribly, and wants nothing to do with normal boys who aren't monsters. Somehow, everyone loves her, despite all this, which only makes her even more dislikable.
5) There is no plot. Or, if there is, it was so small I missed it.
6) Edward is abusive and a stalker.
7) Bella has absolutely no opposition to Edward stalking her. (In Buffy the Vampire slayer, Buffy tells Angel that girls don't like being stalked. She actuall
Tips From Edward Cullen1. When it comes to picking a girlfriend, it's the smell that counts.Tips From Edward Cullen4 years ago in Philosophical More Like This
2. Girls go for a man who is unpredictable. The more changeable you are, the more you appeal to them.
3. Girls find it inconceivably attractive when you just sit and stare at them all day.
4. Everything that goes wrong is the girl's fault. If you have a violent temper and suffer occasional outbursts, that's her fault, too.
5. Once you snag a girl, she is entirely your property. Finders, keepers!
6. You must show off your sparkliness at least ten times a day.
7. Always tell a girl no; she thinks that means "yes" and "go away" means "I'm all yours, baby!"
8. Use big, sophisticated words to make yourself sound more intelligent.
9. Your girlfriend should be with you, and no one else. That includes friends and family.
10. Your only real goal in life is to lounge around and look pretty.
He Is Not An Edward.He is not an Edward.He Is Not An Edward.5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
He doesn't stare at me every minute he is with me.
Or smell my hair and watch me sleep.
Won't follow me, like a lost puppy,
Sometimes, he'll even walk away.
He doesn't love me for my faults,
It's in spite of them.
He'll notice pretty girls, even think of
When he laughs at me, it's because I'm silly,
The thought of me getting hurt does not bring tears to his eyes.
He would not die if I died,
He is not an Edward.
And I am not a Bella.
We are real.
Our love is real.
Is more important, and genuine
Than idealistic, impossible fantasies.
I want a Sam.
Top Ten: Why Twilight sucks.1.Stephanie Meyer can't write. And I'm not saying that because of what Stephen King said. I don't care what Stephen King said. Let's recap, shall we? She uses the same words such as "icy", "cold", "marble" and "his beautiful face" over and over. She describes Edward in extremely unnecessary detail. Honestly, if she took out all those descriptions of Edward, the whole Twilight "saga" would fit into one book. She includes totally useless information that NO ONE (except for maybe the crazy fan girls) cares about. I don't give a damn if Bella rode to Forks with her mom's car windows rolled down! Really, I don't. Also, this so-called-saga has no real plot to it whatsoever. And no, romance does not count as a "plot." Romance is a genre. A genre which involves a plot. It has no real characterization either. Sure, Bella may turn into a vampire, but did she really learn any life lessons, or become a better person because of her experiences? Of course not! Which brings me to mTop Ten: Why Twilight sucks.5 years ago in Editorial More Like This
My Reasons Why Twilight SucksMy Reasons Why Twilight Sucks5 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Reasons Why Twilight Sucks:
1. Bella Swan: If I could summarize her personality in a sentence, I'd have to say this: She's a whiny, bratty, emo Mary-Sue who has no respect for ANY of her friends or family, and can't make up her mind about who to go with. My fish has more intelligence than her.
2. Edturd Cullen: He is an abusive 100-year-old creep. If I might add, he is a freaking CHIN that farts sparkles.
3. Harry Potter > Twilight. 'Nuff said.
4.Stalking and watching someone sleep is NOT romantic.
5. Even the character that plays Edward doesn't like Twilight. Sounds to me like a BURN.
6. "Oh Jacob, even though you probably would've treated me better than Edward, I'm still going to go w/ my beautiful lovey-dovey Eddie-poo. Here, I'll make it up to you though! I'll give you our baby daughter!"
7. Bella's a terrible role model.
8. The series encourages pedophilia, teenage pregnancy, suicide, brattiness, etc.
9. Give it up, fangirls. Edward (or Jacob, whatever) will NEVER marry you. Keep
Things I Learned from TwilightThings I Learned from Twilight5 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
1. It's perfectly okay for your boyfriend to emotionally and psychologically abuse you as long as he's hot.
2. If you are a woman, you must have a man to be your breadwinner. Also, children=success.
3. It's okay to use guys who like you for your own purposes when you have no real intention of dating them.
4. Anti-feminism is cool. Suffrage is so 1920.
5. Vampires aren't bloodsucking monsters. They're misunderstood, angst-filled immortals of immense beauty and power.
6. Humanity is overrated. Who wouldn't want to repeat high school five million times during their immortal life?
7. Stalking=love. Remember guys, girls love it when you watch them sleep without their consent. It's not creepy or illegal at all. It's flattering!
8. No girl wants a guy who's nice to her. Given the choice between a nice, caring guy and a brooding, emotional jerk, the girl will choose the jerk.
9. Having ambitions besides hanging out with your boyfriend and giving up your life for said boyfriend is
Life Lessons From Bella Swann1. You should always address your parents by their first names.Life Lessons From Bella Swann4 years ago in Philosophical More Like This
2. Pay no attention to the kids at school. No matter how friendly they are, no matter how many times the girls invite you to sit with them at lunch and team up with them on the weekends, no matter how many times the boys ask you out, you know you're stupid, ugly, clumsy, and totally worthless.
3. Your problems are everybody's problems. Whatever affects you should affect them in every aspect.
4. With boyfriends, it's all about physical looks. It doesn't matter if they're pushy, meddlesome, pretentious, self-absorbed, and dictatorial, as long as they're insanely attractive.
5. Edward is hot. Edward is beautiful. Edward is gorgeous. Edward is perfect. Edward is hot. Edward is every girl's dream come true. Edward shines like a thousand diamonds. Edward is hot. Edward is inhumanly handsome. Edward is eye-catching. Edward is an angel and a devil all rolled into one. Did I forget to mention Edward is hot?
6. It's inherently wrong
Twilight RantTwilight, it seems, has taken the world by storm. The series by Stephenie Meyer has become a best seller and has even been made into a movie Yes, the "it" thing right now just makes me weep for what has become of the world of literature. A series about a completely useless, pathetic ordinary girl falling in love with an, apparently, perfect-in-every-single-way-and-we-need-pages-upon-pages-reminding-us-of-this, sparkling, creepy, abusive, vampire which was all based upon a dream that Meyer had someone pinch me, please, I must be dreaming. Oh, if only.Twilight Rant6 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
I am an avid reader, and have been as long as I remember, and in particular I love fantasy and supernatural novels. I am a huge, huge, HUGE fan of vampire novels and read as many as I possibly can and I find most of them quite enjoyable, albeit there were one or two that just made me roll my eyes at their predictability.
Anyhow, back onto my original point. Twilight. Twilight is not what I classify
as i cry sanctuary.the world is ending; i am borne in the bloodshed. i am stretching awake from the locked arms of the corpses, the froth of the raging sea dripping from the ends of my hair. i am naming myself death and sleeping in graves, molding sprawling metropolitan dreams from the loose sand behind the tombstones. the timeline of my hourglass is a snake swallowing its own tail. i am infinite; in this finite world, i am nothing. i watch the maddeningly swirling chaos of human destruction below the soles of my feet without a shudder. i touch the mirror and see wormholes in space. i press frayed emotion against the base of my skull and pray to science in the name of osmosis. i am whole and beautiful. i see everything; i feel nothing.as i cry sanctuary.5 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
i am the night sky thief. i burglarize the heavens and paint them on my bones. during the day, i feel the morningstar dripping down to splatter on my pelvis, drawing forth warmth with a liquid pull from the sprawling roots in my belly. i am a statue caught forever in a m
30 Reasons Twilight SucksReasons Twilight Sucks30 Reasons Twilight Sucks5 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
1. Bella is a horny Mary-Sue Queen.
2. Apparently, having a guy glare at you all the time makes them attractive.
3. Vampires sparkle.
4. Twilight shows a seriously abusive relationship as "true love".
5. The weather in Forks is inaccurate.
6. New Moon in a nutshell: "Angst angst, emo, cry, jump off cliff, AAANNNGGSSSTTTT ANGST ANGST yay we're together again!"
7. The entire series is a sexual fantasy.
8. The grammar is very poor.
9. Twilight has basically no plot.
10. Twilight is 150% sexist.
11. The author never researched any of the "facts" she put in the books.
12. The author glamorizes mental disorders, suicide, and stalking.
13. Twilight teaches that disrespecting and abandoning your family is OKAY.
14. The characters have very little background information.
15. Bella uses Jacob a LOT. Some friend she is.
16. Jacob sexually abuses Bella. Some friend he is.
17. Bella love love looovvveeesss Edward's smooth, sparkling, marble stone, pale,
Real Vampires Vs. TwlightReal: Fangs ripping open the neck of a whore, sucking out her blood until she's a shriveled up corpse.Real Vampires Vs. Twlight5 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
Twilight: Teeth used to munch gently on a bunny rabbit.
Real: Skin burning painfully in the rays of the sun until the entire body is consumed in fire.
Twilight: Skin sparkling.
Real: A forbidden love that can never be, creating eternal suffering.
Twilight: A teenage lust of a couple months.
Real: A creature constantly having to outsmart the newer generations of vampire slayers and their cursed wooden states of death.
Twilight: An all powerful godmoding creature that can never ever be killed, unless by another vampire, but even then wins because it's just so gosh darn powerful.
Real: A bloodthirsty beast.
Twilight: A cute cuddly teddy bear.
Real: Enjoys masochistic or sadistic activities, or both.
Twilight: Is "emo."
Real: Sleeps in a grave or a coffin, usually in a huge mansion all by their lone
Twilight-Uncensored Ch.3ReviewTwilight-Uncensored Ch.3Review4 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Review of Chapter Three
By Stephenie Meyer
And so with a handful of Wonka Runts, I have returned once more to read an overrated book and give you five minutes of half baked amusement.
Last chapter left off with Bella in her truck, her panties in a twist as she got to learn what it felt like to have someone staring at her intensely. Her conversation with Mr. Sexy Face revealed that Bella is a self sacrificing saint, out to make her mom happy at her own expense. [You know, on top of being an honor's student, reading every book ever printed, and being the wife her dad needed.]
Chapter three picks up the next morning, Bella noting the snow and how much she wants to see Edward. That's normal, I suppose. When I was a young teenage girl in high school I was all over the handsome boys that .
Wait a minute.
I have to get my pink skirt and lace top on so I can slip myself into the story here. I have the legs for this. I really do. Just don't lift the skirt and we
Twilight vs. Harry PotterI'm tired of people trying to justify the 'Twilight is better than Harry Potter' thing.Twilight vs. Harry Potter5 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
"OMG EDWARD & BELLA 4EVER!" "I WISH MY BF WAS HOT LIKE EDWARD!!!!1!!11"
People, Twilight isn't a book, its firewood. The Harry Potter series out-awesomes it by A LOT.
1. The Harry Potter Characters are believable. The Twilight ones make no sense.
Just a few examples,
Harry is hotheaded, skinny, small for his age, has bad vision, and has the occasional 'idiot moment'. He is willing to give up his girlfriend because he might die, not because he's "dangerous." He grows incredibly well as a character, starting out as an unsure little kid, and ending as a brave, skilled adult wizard who eventually saves the world from being taken over. Sure, he goes through an annoying-whiny stage, but he had a reason (the ministry lying about him and making him a total laughingstock) and when a certain doggie died *sob* he managed to calm down and go on with his life. *coughBellacough*
A Letter to Stephenie MeyerDear Stephenie Meyer,A Letter to Stephenie Meyer5 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
I read your book 'Twilight' about a year-and-a-half ago, and I have to say:
It was the worst piece of 'literature' I've ever had the displeasure to lay my eyes on.
See, around Christmas time, my friends and I all had a sleepover/Secret Santa party. At that time, I had heard a lot about Twilight, and, being an avid reader, wanted to know what all the fuss was about. My friend Katie ended up being my secret santa, and she got me Twilight and two other books. I was overjoyed, I started reading it that day. I kept reading and reading for a week or two, spending most of my time in my room, reading that book. Really, I have to admit, it did seem a little interesting at first, but then, it got rather...Bland. I kept reading, hoping to come upon an interesting part, I thought,
'Maybe she's just building the suspense up for a good part.' but no. I've never been wronger in my life.
I'll admit to never finishing the book, but I'll tell you why:
I got a throbbing headache abo
Deck the HallsDeck the halls with Belle and EddieDeck the Halls4 years ago in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
Get the guns and cannons ready
Grab your pitchforks, grab your knives
It's a battle for our lives
Edward Cullen is a loser
As for Bella, who would choose her?
Get your nails and get your wrenches
Send those creeps down to the trenches
Toss a few bricks down to meet them
Throw an anvil down to greet them
Give it all you've got to beat them
We won't stop till we defeat them
Anti-Twilight EssayI think now is a good time to discuss one of the newest "threats" to society: Twilight. "A love story with a bite".... Or is it? On the surface, Twilight may seem "perfect" but it hides about a thousand flaws. Let's start with the first chapter of the horror: Twilight itself.Anti-Twilight Essay5 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
"I'd never given much thought to how I would die- But dying with someone I love sounds like a good way to go." - Bella, Twilight preface
What a way to start a book, eh? "Oh, hey... You're gonna die! Have a nice day!" I mean, sure, some books start like this but at least they don't make it ROMANTIC.
Now.... Skip ahead, skip ahead. Blah blah blah... Ok, now Bella's at school... Eww.... She's even making the teacher blush. *shudder* How many boys have fallen for her already? One, two... nine.. ten.. And don't even get me started on Edward... *shifty eyes* And Bella says she's "treading water"... *shudder* Of course you'd say that with all these men wrapped around your little finger. "I had no practice deal
we are eternity.Tell me, darling, how do we best count time?we are eternity.5 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
If you wish, I can reboot my system so we might run through the system and backed up files until we come up with the hard answer. We can have it in Eastern, Central, Pacific or Neverland and still be left with empty numbers. We can cross-divide and carry over our hearts, add the sum of our parts until we're nothing but decimal points flashing on the ambiguous screen. We can disconnect and rewire, throw our cyber-smiles against the wall until it's been reduced to springs and forlorn beeps of the dying machine.
Still, we'll have our answer: thirty days.
Or, if you prefer, I can break my poet's tongue in two and bleed words all over the hungry sheet of paper. I can write sonnets of the wind winding across the continent and limericks of the wolves howling for our distance. I can write songs to make stars weep in the clichéd sky of diamonds. I can compose you poems with phrases strung so daintily together that your nerves will bind and your
Twilight PopularityAre vampires real? That is a question that is often asked when studying demons. There have been cases of vampirism in the past including 1456, Vlad Dracula Tepes; 1575, Countess Elizabeth Bathory and the most recent case, 1949, George John Haigh. They thought themselves as part of the nosferatu, and vrykolakas. This type of stuff wasn't in people's minds until something came out in 2005. It was a book series by Stephanie Meyer called the Twilight Saga. It is about young human girl who falls in love with a hot vampire boy. This plot line is so cliché. That would be one reason why Twilight shouldn't be as popular as it is. Its popularity should go down because it doesn't go according to vampire legends, it may be a bad influence on the teens of today, and the plot of the story is the same as other vampire romances.Twilight Popularity4 years ago in Academic Essays More Like This
Twilight fans would have argued about Twilight's popularity. Their counter-arguments were obvious. Twilight is popular because of the forbidden love. The series is too "i
Every YouTube Fight Ever(This will almost certainly contain heavy profanity and the usernames used in this were pulled out of my own head and aren't any real people that I know of but if someone has usernames matching them then it's probably coincidental).Every YouTube Fight Ever5 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
SamusFan20 in the video description: This is my Metroid compilation of pictures in a slideshow featuring Samus set to Queen's "We Will Rock You." I hope you guys enjoy.
DisgruntledAsswipe87: Jesus Christ you're such a faggot. Why the hell would you post pics of a fictional girl and set it to Queen? Do yourself a favor and go get a REAL GIRLFRIEND, loser. Oh, and stop shaming such a great band with such a shitty video game and your BS imature antics at attempting to fap to it.
(In reply to DisgruntledAsswipe87) ConcernedStranger17: Hey, calm the fuck down, douchebag. If this person is so "immature," than what the hell are you doing on a video meant for a video game girl, anyway? I bet you were at home looking for something to fap to and found this and decide
Twilight-Uncensored Ch.1ReviewTwilight-Uncensored Ch.1Review4 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Review of Chapter One
By Stephenie Meyer
Years have gone since I've first run into a little thing called Twilight and now I've come to the part of the getting over it and letting kids have their fun, but in all this I've decided to trudge through this pile of shit and actually reread it for the first time since I took an exacto knife and cut a hole out of my only -stolen- copy.
Please note that I'm doing this not only for my own closure, but for your entertainment. I am reading this. I am not enjoying it, but I also want to lay to rest every beef I have with Twilight. [Though just the first book, the others can rot in hell.]
Lastly, I'll probably be dropping a lot of F-bombs and various other angry letter bombs. Deal with it.
Now, on with the horror fest, where we start with the preface.
As plain as you can possibly get, the preface of Twilight says nothing while saying a whole god forsaken paragraph. The tone of the paragraph honestly reminds me of w
How to Be Like Edward Cullen How many times have you said or heard someone say in desperation, If only all males could be just like Edward Cullen! or in confusion, What is with Edward Cullen? How can we possibly meet these expectations?!? Well, folks, out of the kindness of my heart I would like to provide a comprehensive explanation on on how to be just like Edward Cullen, to make everyones lives easier.How to Be Like Edward Cullen6 years ago in Academic Essays More Like This
1. Skin must be deathly pale, resembling that of a cadavers. The best way to achieve this complexion is to spend about six months hibernating in a windowless basement. This may require you to quit your job. And do not fret over your inability to go to the grocery store; Cullen fans find consumption of food undesirable.
2. Dark circles under the eyes are essential. The quickest way to attain these black rings is to go without sleep for days on end. Sure, the lack of slumber may upset your emotional stability, but that will only
Recap-rant of Breaking DawnBreaking Dawn: the fanfictioning.Recap-rant of Breaking Dawn6 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
So weve made it to the end of Twilight. Its been a long and tiring journey full of fail and loves that have never loved before. And *SPARKLES.* We only have to trudge through Breaking Fail. Now this book is the epitome of fail. I fear that I may not make it through. If I dont, please remember me for who I was. The woman that recapped all the books for you and died doing so, so you wont have to.
So lets go back for a second to remember times past. Insert wavy lines here for flashback effects.
Twilight: Bellas a bitch, Edward thinks hes better than everyone, Charlie is sweet but treated like crap, Ed and Bella-sue fall irrevocably in love after 4 conversations, the greatest pairing between Bella and Tylers van is stopped by sparkles, Bella is almost eaten but is saved in the nick of time by Dudley Do-right! I mean Edward.
New Moon: Bella is almo