20 Reasons Why I Hate Twilight1) It's poorly written. Stephen King can back me up on SMeyer being a horrible writer.
2) Those are not vampires, they're sparkly fags. And by fag, I don't mean gay, I mean fag.
3) Edward is a 107 year old virgin. Can you say pathetic?
4) Bella has no redeeming qualities; she's a very weak main character. Physically she isn't strong. She can't run away right even; she trips too much. She's not smart, either, she's almost brain dead (come on, how long did it take her to figure out Edward was a vampire again?). She's not very pretty. She's not nice; she treats her friends horribly, and wants nothing to do with normal boys who aren't monsters. Somehow, everyone loves her, despite all this, which only makes her even more dislikable.
5) There is no plot. Or, if there is, it was so small I missed it.
6) Edward is abusive and a stalker.
7) Bella has absolutely no opposition to Edward stalking her. (In Buffy the Vampire slayer, Buffy tells Angel that girls don't like being stalked. She actuall
Tips From Edward Cullen1. When it comes to picking a girlfriend, it's the smell that counts.Tips From Edward Cullen4 years ago in Philosophical More Like This
2. Girls go for a man who is unpredictable. The more changeable you are, the more you appeal to them.
3. Girls find it inconceivably attractive when you just sit and stare at them all day.
4. Everything that goes wrong is the girl's fault. If you have a violent temper and suffer occasional outbursts, that's her fault, too.
5. Once you snag a girl, she is entirely your property. Finders, keepers!
6. You must show off your sparkliness at least ten times a day.
7. Always tell a girl no; she thinks that means "yes" and "go away" means "I'm all yours, baby!"
8. Use big, sophisticated words to make yourself sound more intelligent.
9. Your girlfriend should be with you, and no one else. That includes friends and family.
10. Your only real goal in life is to lounge around and look pretty.
Top Ten: Why Twilight sucks.1.Stephanie Meyer can't write. And I'm not saying that because of what Stephen King said. I don't care what Stephen King said. Let's recap, shall we? She uses the same words such as "icy", "cold", "marble" and "his beautiful face" over and over. She describes Edward in extremely unnecessary detail. Honestly, if she took out all those descriptions of Edward, the whole Twilight "saga" would fit into one book. She includes totally useless information that NO ONE (except for maybe the crazy fan girls) cares about. I don't give a damn if Bella rode to Forks with her mom's car windows rolled down! Really, I don't. Also, this so-called-saga has no real plot to it whatsoever. And no, romance does not count as a "plot." Romance is a genre. A genre which involves a plot. It has no real characterization either. Sure, Bella may turn into a vampire, but did she really learn any life lessons, or become a better person because of her experiences? Of course not! Which brings me to mTop Ten: Why Twilight sucks.5 years ago in Editorial More Like This
He Is Not An Edward.He is not an Edward.He Is Not An Edward.5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
He doesn't stare at me every minute he is with me.
Or smell my hair and watch me sleep.
Won't follow me, like a lost puppy,
Sometimes, he'll even walk away.
He doesn't love me for my faults,
It's in spite of them.
He'll notice pretty girls, even think of
When he laughs at me, it's because I'm silly,
The thought of me getting hurt does not bring tears to his eyes.
He would not die if I died,
He is not an Edward.
And I am not a Bella.
We are real.
Our love is real.
Is more important, and genuine
Than idealistic, impossible fantasies.
I want a Sam.
My Reasons Why Twilight SucksMy Reasons Why Twilight Sucks5 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Reasons Why Twilight Sucks:
1. Bella Swan: If I could summarize her personality in a sentence, I'd have to say this: She's a whiny, bratty, emo Mary-Sue who has no respect for ANY of her friends or family, and can't make up her mind about who to go with. My fish has more intelligence than her.
2. Edturd Cullen: He is an abusive 100-year-old creep. If I might add, he is a freaking CHIN that farts sparkles.
3. Harry Potter > Twilight. 'Nuff said.
4.Stalking and watching someone sleep is NOT romantic.
5. Even the character that plays Edward doesn't like Twilight. Sounds to me like a BURN.
6. "Oh Jacob, even though you probably would've treated me better than Edward, I'm still going to go w/ my beautiful lovey-dovey Eddie-poo. Here, I'll make it up to you though! I'll give you our baby daughter!"
7. Bella's a terrible role model.
8. The series encourages pedophilia, teenage pregnancy, suicide, brattiness, etc.
9. Give it up, fangirls. Edward (or Jacob, whatever) will NEVER marry you. Keep
Anti-Twilight EssayI think now is a good time to discuss one of the newest "threats" to society: Twilight. "A love story with a bite".... Or is it? On the surface, Twilight may seem "perfect" but it hides about a thousand flaws. Let's start with the first chapter of the horror: Twilight itself.Anti-Twilight Essay5 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
"I'd never given much thought to how I would die- But dying with someone I love sounds like a good way to go." - Bella, Twilight preface
What a way to start a book, eh? "Oh, hey... You're gonna die! Have a nice day!" I mean, sure, some books start like this but at least they don't make it ROMANTIC.
Now.... Skip ahead, skip ahead. Blah blah blah... Ok, now Bella's at school... Eww.... She's even making the teacher blush. *shudder* How many boys have fallen for her already? One, two... nine.. ten.. And don't even get me started on Edward... *shifty eyes* And Bella says she's "treading water"... *shudder* Of course you'd say that with all these men wrapped around your little finger. "I had no practice deal
as i cry sanctuary.the world is ending; i am borne in the bloodshed. i am stretching awake from the locked arms of the corpses, the froth of the raging sea dripping from the ends of my hair. i am naming myself death and sleeping in graves, molding sprawling metropolitan dreams from the loose sand behind the tombstones. the timeline of my hourglass is a snake swallowing its own tail. i am infinite; in this finite world, i am nothing. i watch the maddeningly swirling chaos of human destruction below the soles of my feet without a shudder. i touch the mirror and see wormholes in space. i press frayed emotion against the base of my skull and pray to science in the name of osmosis. i am whole and beautiful. i see everything; i feel nothing.as i cry sanctuary.5 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
i am the night sky thief. i burglarize the heavens and paint them on my bones. during the day, i feel the morningstar dripping down to splatter on my pelvis, drawing forth warmth with a liquid pull from the sprawling roots in my belly. i am a statue caught forever in a m
30 Reasons Twilight SucksReasons Twilight Sucks30 Reasons Twilight Sucks6 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
1. Bella is a horny Mary-Sue Queen.
2. Apparently, having a guy glare at you all the time makes them attractive.
3. Vampires sparkle.
4. Twilight shows a seriously abusive relationship as "true love".
5. The weather in Forks is inaccurate.
6. New Moon in a nutshell: "Angst angst, emo, cry, jump off cliff, AAANNNGGSSSTTTT ANGST ANGST yay we're together again!"
7. The entire series is a sexual fantasy.
8. The grammar is very poor.
9. Twilight has basically no plot.
10. Twilight is 150% sexist.
11. The author never researched any of the "facts" she put in the books.
12. The author glamorizes mental disorders, suicide, and stalking.
13. Twilight teaches that disrespecting and abandoning your family is OKAY.
14. The characters have very little background information.
15. Bella uses Jacob a LOT. Some friend she is.
16. Jacob sexually abuses Bella. Some friend he is.
17. Bella love love looovvveeesss Edward's smooth, sparkling, marble stone, pale,
How to Deal with Twilight FansHow to Deal With a Twilight FanHow to Deal with Twilight Fans6 years ago in Stories & Vignettes More Like This
A comprehensible guide to incomprehensible fans.
Many people against Twilight share the same reasons for disliking it. Its stereotypical, poorly written, and lacks any plot and originality. It has brainwashed millions of teenage girls and their parents and painted a false portrait of love. Men close to these twitards are held to higher standards of perfection. Young girls are setting themselves up for complete disappointment when they discover that no, boys are not made of gorgeous marble.
Many twitards respond with YOU SUCK OMG HOW COULD YOU NOT LOVE THEM THEYRE SO HAWT. Some will give you a good verbal joust. Some will be relentless in their support and refuse to accept reason.
Here are some ways of dealing with rabid fans, that make them look very stupid, and make you look very, very smart.
1. Know that there is no reasoning with her
When voicing your anti-Twilight opinio
Real Vampires Vs. TwlightReal: Fangs ripping open the neck of a whore, sucking out her blood until she's a shriveled up corpse.Real Vampires Vs. Twlight5 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
Twilight: Teeth used to munch gently on a bunny rabbit.
Real: Skin burning painfully in the rays of the sun until the entire body is consumed in fire.
Twilight: Skin sparkling.
Real: A forbidden love that can never be, creating eternal suffering.
Twilight: A teenage lust of a couple months.
Real: A creature constantly having to outsmart the newer generations of vampire slayers and their cursed wooden states of death.
Twilight: An all powerful godmoding creature that can never ever be killed, unless by another vampire, but even then wins because it's just so gosh darn powerful.
Real: A bloodthirsty beast.
Twilight: A cute cuddly teddy bear.
Real: Enjoys masochistic or sadistic activities, or both.
Twilight: Is "emo."
Real: Sleeps in a grave or a coffin, usually in a huge mansion all by their lone
Twilight vs. Harry PotterI'm tired of people trying to justify the 'Twilight is better than Harry Potter' thing.Twilight vs. Harry Potter6 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
"OMG EDWARD & BELLA 4EVER!" "I WISH MY BF WAS HOT LIKE EDWARD!!!!1!!11"
People, Twilight isn't a book, its firewood. The Harry Potter series out-awesomes it by A LOT.
1. The Harry Potter Characters are believable. The Twilight ones make no sense.
Just a few examples,
Harry is hotheaded, skinny, small for his age, has bad vision, and has the occasional 'idiot moment'. He is willing to give up his girlfriend because he might die, not because he's "dangerous." He grows incredibly well as a character, starting out as an unsure little kid, and ending as a brave, skilled adult wizard who eventually saves the world from being taken over. Sure, he goes through an annoying-whiny stage, but he had a reason (the ministry lying about him and making him a total laughingstock) and when a certain doggie died *sob* he managed to calm down and go on with his life. *coughBellacough*
A Letter to Stephenie MeyerDear Stephenie Meyer,A Letter to Stephenie Meyer5 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
I read your book 'Twilight' about a year-and-a-half ago, and I have to say:
It was the worst piece of 'literature' I've ever had the displeasure to lay my eyes on.
See, around Christmas time, my friends and I all had a sleepover/Secret Santa party. At that time, I had heard a lot about Twilight, and, being an avid reader, wanted to know what all the fuss was about. My friend Katie ended up being my secret santa, and she got me Twilight and two other books. I was overjoyed, I started reading it that day. I kept reading and reading for a week or two, spending most of my time in my room, reading that book. Really, I have to admit, it did seem a little interesting at first, but then, it got rather...Bland. I kept reading, hoping to come upon an interesting part, I thought,
'Maybe she's just building the suspense up for a good part.' but no. I've never been wronger in my life.
I'll admit to never finishing the book, but I'll tell you why:
I got a throbbing headache abo
Twilight-Uncensored Ch.3ReviewTwilight-Uncensored Ch.3Review4 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Review of Chapter Three
By Stephenie Meyer
And so with a handful of Wonka Runts, I have returned once more to read an overrated book and give you five minutes of half baked amusement.
Last chapter left off with Bella in her truck, her panties in a twist as she got to learn what it felt like to have someone staring at her intensely. Her conversation with Mr. Sexy Face revealed that Bella is a self sacrificing saint, out to make her mom happy at her own expense. [You know, on top of being an honor's student, reading every book ever printed, and being the wife her dad needed.]
Chapter three picks up the next morning, Bella noting the snow and how much she wants to see Edward. That's normal, I suppose. When I was a young teenage girl in high school I was all over the handsome boys that .
Wait a minute.
I have to get my pink skirt and lace top on so I can slip myself into the story here. I have the legs for this. I really do. Just don't lift the skirt and we
Twilight EssayTwilight is not as important as you think it is.Twilight Essay6 years ago in Academic Essays More Like This
You know, I could say that and be done with this rant right now. However, its me and well, I actually like to prove my point. I have facts, unlike most who only rant about nonesense. Lets talk about the major problems: Mary Sueness, Cliches, and Grammatical Errors.
Bella is a Mary Sue
No shes not!! Youre wrong!! Youre just jealous cause you arent pretty like her!!11!!!one
Hmm you know, that might work if I didnt know what else to say or have anything to back me up. Lets just see what the dictionary has to say, shall we? (Please note though that the definition of a Mary Sue does vary and has become "muddied".)
A Mary Sue (sometimes just Sue), in literary criticism and particularly in fanfiction, is a fictional character with overly idealized and hackneyed mannerisms, lacking noteworthy flaws, and primarily functioning as wish-fulfillment fantasies for thei
Twilight-Uncensored Ch.1ReviewTwilight-Uncensored Ch.1Review4 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Review of Chapter One
By Stephenie Meyer
Years have gone since I've first run into a little thing called Twilight and now I've come to the part of the getting over it and letting kids have their fun, but in all this I've decided to trudge through this pile of shit and actually reread it for the first time since I took an exacto knife and cut a hole out of my only -stolen- copy.
Please note that I'm doing this not only for my own closure, but for your entertainment. I am reading this. I am not enjoying it, but I also want to lay to rest every beef I have with Twilight. [Though just the first book, the others can rot in hell.]
Lastly, I'll probably be dropping a lot of F-bombs and various other angry letter bombs. Deal with it.
Now, on with the horror fest, where we start with the preface.
As plain as you can possibly get, the preface of Twilight says nothing while saying a whole god forsaken paragraph. The tone of the paragraph honestly reminds me of w
Every YouTube Fight Ever(This will almost certainly contain heavy profanity and the usernames used in this were pulled out of my own head and aren't any real people that I know of but if someone has usernames matching them then it's probably coincidental).Every YouTube Fight Ever5 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
SamusFan20 in the video description: This is my Metroid compilation of pictures in a slideshow featuring Samus set to Queen's "We Will Rock You." I hope you guys enjoy.
DisgruntledAsswipe87: Jesus Christ you're such a faggot. Why the hell would you post pics of a fictional girl and set it to Queen? Do yourself a favor and go get a REAL GIRLFRIEND, loser. Oh, and stop shaming such a great band with such a shitty video game and your BS imature antics at attempting to fap to it.
(In reply to DisgruntledAsswipe87) ConcernedStranger17: Hey, calm the fuck down, douchebag. If this person is so "immature," than what the hell are you doing on a video meant for a video game girl, anyway? I bet you were at home looking for something to fap to and found this and decide
Deck the HallsDeck the halls with Belle and EddieDeck the Halls4 years ago in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
Get the guns and cannons ready
Grab your pitchforks, grab your knives
It's a battle for our lives
Edward Cullen is a loser
As for Bella, who would choose her?
Get your nails and get your wrenches
Send those creeps down to the trenches
Toss a few bricks down to meet them
Throw an anvil down to greet them
Give it all you've got to beat them
We won't stop till we defeat them
sheep-wool covered lies.i ate your heart and reveled in the way it smashed between my molars like ripe grapes, the way i could feel the pulse beating between my clenched jaw, the life squirming in and out to stain my lips. i swallowed it whole and felt it beating like a drummer boy in the pit of my belly, your sorrow the beat i danced my day to. your misery was a lullaby i sang to myself at night, the sheep i counted when my eyes were closed. i could feel it in the way it seeped into my veins and tangled around my bones like weeds growing too fast to contain. i gloried in the power it gave me, the way i could pull your strings and make you dance, the way i could bloody your soles and your soul and at the end of the day when i slept in my bed, it was made of the gnashed bones and entrails you left behind.sheep-wool covered lies.5 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
is that what you want me to say?
if you want, i'll tell you about how i thrilled at the tears in your eyes. i'll tell you i manipulated the map to pull reality apart and create a fantasy for us to get lost in
How to Be Like Edward Cullen How many times have you said or heard someone say in desperation, If only all males could be just like Edward Cullen! or in confusion, What is with Edward Cullen? How can we possibly meet these expectations?!? Well, folks, out of the kindness of my heart I would like to provide a comprehensive explanation on on how to be just like Edward Cullen, to make everyones lives easier.How to Be Like Edward Cullen6 years ago in Academic Essays More Like This
1. Skin must be deathly pale, resembling that of a cadavers. The best way to achieve this complexion is to spend about six months hibernating in a windowless basement. This may require you to quit your job. And do not fret over your inability to go to the grocery store; Cullen fans find consumption of food undesirable.
2. Dark circles under the eyes are essential. The quickest way to attain these black rings is to go without sleep for days on end. Sure, the lack of slumber may upset your emotional stability, but that will only
How To Be NormalHow To Be Normal4 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
HOW TO SUCCEED AT BEING A NORMAL TEENAGER:
(In 15 easy steps!)
1. The first step in becoming a normal, bland, and spineless individual is very simple. Never think. About anything. Ever. If you have a thought, let it go. Let someone else think for you. Thinking is hard. Let someone else do it. Save your little conformist brain cells for something less difficult.
2. Now let's talk about music. You like unique music? Not anymore! You get to listen to the same generic, repetitive sound that everyone else does. You know, that one beat over and over with the words "Yeah", "baby" and "ooh" being repeated. Lucky you!
3. To be normal, you've gotta dress normal. If you're a girl, that means you wear leggings as pants and cut up your t-shirts so they just barely cover your chest. Uggs are a must, for any time of the year, including midsummer. If you're a guy, you wear the hem of your pants on the back of your knees. Overly violent band t-shirts for bands that you only know one song for is highly
Meyer's Writing SucksFor reasons beyond me, there are some people who think that the Twilight series are well written books. I don't think that there's anything wrong with enjoying badly written books, just as long as you realise that they are badly written books. Fans are using the excuse that it was her first book, and it was written just for fun or for herself. Yes, most books are, but is that an excuse to publish a book written entirely in purple prose with repetition, poor grammar, and thesaurus abuse? These books have clearly had little to no editing. Theyre like a very early first draft that I know Id be ashamed to let anyone see. Look at the way that Meyer writes. It's BORING. Meyer uses simple, boring statements. Read the first few sentences of the first chapter:Meyer's Writing Sucks6 years ago in Editorial More Like This
"My mother drove me to the airport with the windows rolled down. It was seventy-five degrees in Phoenix, the sky a perfect, cloudless blue. I was wearing my favorite shirt--sleeveless, white eyelet lace; I was wearing it as
Twilight PopularityAre vampires real? That is a question that is often asked when studying demons. There have been cases of vampirism in the past including 1456, Vlad Dracula Tepes; 1575, Countess Elizabeth Bathory and the most recent case, 1949, George John Haigh. They thought themselves as part of the nosferatu, and vrykolakas. This type of stuff wasn't in people's minds until something came out in 2005. It was a book series by Stephanie Meyer called the Twilight Saga. It is about young human girl who falls in love with a hot vampire boy. This plot line is so cliché. That would be one reason why Twilight shouldn't be as popular as it is. Its popularity should go down because it doesn't go according to vampire legends, it may be a bad influence on the teens of today, and the plot of the story is the same as other vampire romances.Twilight Popularity5 years ago in Academic Essays More Like This
Twilight fans would have argued about Twilight's popularity. Their counter-arguments were obvious. Twilight is popular because of the forbidden love. The series is too "i
Dear Stephenie MeyerDear Stephenie Meyer Dear Stephenie Meyer5 years ago in Humor More Like This
It's hard enough for women to get respect
Without you peddling your worthless phlegm
And did you seriously expect
No one would ever find a problem
That your antifeminism would go unchecked?
Just because a girl doesn't have a man
Doesn't mean she should shrivel up and die
We can get by on our own for a whole lifespan
Shut up, Twitards, quit telling me I'm the bad guy
I'll throw all of your asses out of a catamaran
Steph, grow up and take a writing class already
I'm sorry if life was rough in Connecticut
But your work is so very far from heady
I might be way behind in etiquette
But I'm loving the thought of you in an eddy
And I'm so sorry you weren't that well-liked
At your high school in Phoenix, Arizona
When it comes to teenage years nobody's psyched
I know we can't all be like Winona
Your 'work' makes me want to drink punch that's spiked
If you want to be strait-laced in your Mormonism that's fine
As if you had to marry to enter the highest kingdom of heave