In this life...Two bartenders were talking about some issues in life, and one seemed much more relaxed than the other. When he asked how he rested so easy with all of life's worries, the bartender replied:
"In this life, you've only got two things to worry about: are you healthy, or are you sick? If you're healthy, you've got nothing to worry about. If you're sick, you've only got two things to worry about: are you going to live, or are you going to die? If you're gonna live, you've got nothing to worry about. If you're gonna die, you've only got two things to worry about: are you going to go to heaven or are you going to go to hell? If you go to heaven, you've got nothing to worry about. If you go to hell..."
"You've got two things to worry about?" groaned the other bartender.
"NO! If you go to hell, you'll be too busy shaking hands with all your goddamn friends to worry about anything! So let's drink and not worry!"
Eat"Oy, let me see your calorie card!" The skinny man at the hotdog stand demanded, holding my hotdog just out of reach.Eat6 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
I sighed and dug the plastic out of my pocket, handing it to him with a sour grimace on my face. I was sure I had already exceeded my allotted 1500 calories for today, but I was just so darn hungry. Seriously, what was one hotdog going to do to my figure anyway?
He shook his head as he swiped it through the scanner. "Sorry girlie. This hot dog is 242 calories. You only have 10 calories left for today." He shooed me away in preference of those with enough calories on their card to afford his food.
My stomach grumbled its complaints all the way home. If I had really wanted that hotdog I could have gone to the gym and earned more calories on my card, but I really wasn't in the mood for exercise.
It started in California, taking hold among the mothers who didn't want their kids to become fat
no atheists."well, like, i'm just saying: you can't disprove science."no atheists.6 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
several kids turned around in their desks. their bibles were pinned open, between either a palm or an elbow, the thin pages of their current verse looking up towards the ceiling.
father reinholst paused then said, "...i don't think there's any place in biology for science, jane."
every pair of eyes were boring hot little holes into jane's body. if they stared any harder she might turn into swiss cheese. "i'm not saying you're wrong, i'm just saying that maybe instead of the bible we could look at maybe...a textbook. charles darwin said-"
he held up his hand to stop her. "jane, stop. you're a smart girl. you're a good student; but this just isn't the place for science. this is an ap class. you're supposed to take your education seriously."
"science is comforting to some, but you can't prove anything with it. look under a microscope and you can see the work of God; His will is what moves water into and
William gains life insight and weight My name is William and I was your average nice guy. My life story has my parents passing on when I was very young. My grandmother raised me. I don’t have many memories of my parents so I don’t really miss them. She took great care of me and was a wonderful cook, mother, and teacher. I liked to play sports anything with a ball. Football, basketball, baseball I played them all and well. I grew into a strong healthy young man by the time I had hit high school I was playing on JV team as a freshman. I was 5' 6" tall and was 120 lbs of muscle. I would work out with my friends and play sports. Grandma always had cookies or brownies for the guys to eat when they came over. I had some friends of all size and shapes and we seemed a happy bunch. By the time I was a Junior I was 5' 10" tall and was tipping the scale at 160lbs. My body had filled out a bit I didn't have abs but I did have a flat stomach.William gains life insight and weight2 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
Sollux x Reader - Computer TroublesSollux x Reader - Computer TroublesSollux x Reader - Computer Troubles3 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
(A/N I had BCxButch help me with this...NO HATING PLEASE!!! Geez! Anyways for ahead of time sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes. >.
The WriterA golden eclipse was emblazoned upon the back of his eyelids. The crisp, morning light, an event horizon on the surface of his vision. He found it so peaceful to lie here; watching the fire dance on the skin of his eyes, to see the distortion such a simple veneer could have on life. Everything was different depending on perspective. A certain paradigm is an important thing; it discerns life or death, true or false, love or hate. A simple problem can be interpreted, and solved, in several different ways. Untying the Gordian Knot is either a complex puzzle or a simple chopping manoeuvre.The Writer5 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
John Tullock admired and cherished this, as it meant in someone else's view; he was an innocent man, even if he didn't believe it himself. Regardless of his own beliefs, twenty of his peers had agreed to this, and according to the Sixth Amendment, he had enjoyed the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district. The trial had been speedy, certainly. His sentence howev
Sad Blue EyesWhen I was little, my mom used to carry me everywhere. She would cradle my pudgy pale body and rock me back and forth, watching me as I cuddled close to her warm body. My mom's eyes were big and blue, but were always terribly sad when they saw me. On the days when her eyes would become so glossy raindrops fell off her face, my mom would roll up my dress sleeve to reveal a delicate bangle resting around my wrist. "Your number suits you sweet like berries " she would coo in my ear, "Palmer and Rodney don't have numbers as sweet as yours." Her voice would weaken and shake whenever I asked what my number was.Sad Blue Eyes4 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
I didn't understand why it bothered her so much. It was really pretty bangle, with intricate detail work that was designed to look like silver stems. Those stems led to sixteen bronze daisies, where a moonstone was in the center of each one. No one I knew had a bracelet as lovely as mine. My brothers' bracelets were plain and boring-- iron bands with a lot of small gems rand
The Elevator ManEight hours a day, five days a week, for forty-one years he had pushed those buttons upon command. His place of employment - The Jansson Grande Hotel in New York City. It was one of those hotels that had five stars for everything; suites, service, food, entertainment. Quite simply, it was the "best of the best."The Elevator Man2 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
Nevertheless, no one ever seemed to pay much attention to the little man who operated the elevator, the main one located just off the lobby. Occasionally he was even mocked or laughed at. Few ever spoke to him with respect, or treated him with dignity. From the time he was a child he was viewed as someone undesirable, someone that you would and should avoid. He was smallish in size, nervous around people and quiet as a mouse. He never looked anyone in the eye, always kept his cast to the ground, even when spoken to.
His daily routine never changed. At exactly six o'clock in the morning he would rise, fix the usua
Joseph and MauriceIt started as a marriage of convenience, really. Maurice was the best nutter in the colony, and Joseph always remembered where he'd put his stash. They figured that their teamwork would net them not only more nuts personally, but also the opportunity to start a small business storing and locating nuts for the elders. The King allowed them the union reluctantly. There was no law against it in the Kingdom, but he detested that type of marriage, personally.Joseph and Maurice6 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
The ceremony was held atop the gazebo in Pioneer Park. Maurice and Joseph perched on the spire while the rest of the colony lined the railings and the rooftop. The King read from the colony's charter, then from its constitution. He tucked both documents back into their acorn-top binders and gestured to the couple. Tails intertwined, they fed each other seeds from the white maple tree and rubbed noses. Paw in paw, they scampere
it was just a jokeHello, my name is Anonymousit was just a joke4 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
and I am a bully.
I have always been the girl who gets what she wants, especially in high school. I had them all under my finger. Students, staff and the PTA. Then this new girl came to my school, my territory. Her name was Anna.
There was this boy I liked. He was that guy, and he was the one thing I still wanted. I'd had guys but that guy was the one Then Anna came along. I knew, when I saw them together exactly what she was thinking. She liked that guy too.
She was getting in my way. Anna was sweet and charming and such a cutie, that guy was bound to fall for her. I was jealous. I decided to play a joke on her. So one day, while I was sitting next to her in class, I took a pen and wrote SLUT on Anna's arm, where very one could see it. She was shocked, I could see it on her face. She almost cried.
I knew that guy didn't like girls who had been around. I knew that Anna wouldn't get in my way again. But I was wrong. He helped comforted Anna and helped her was
Armin Arlet x Reader - Goodnight MoonArmin Arlet x Reader - Goodnight Moon2 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
♫ The kind of hope they all talk about, the kind of feelings we sing about… ♫
Whispers were becoming a dull roar all throughout humanities remaining duo of walls about their last but greatest hope – Eren Jaeger. They said that the young 15 year old boy would save them from the clutches of the monsters that many hadn’t even ever seen. They said he would take back their lost territory. They said he would guide them to brighter and safer days. They all talked, and though those close to the boy knew better than to put that kind of weight on his shoulders, they couldn’t help but to feel the warming ray of possibility when they saw the determination that flashed in his eyes.
[Name] brought her legs up to her chest, resting her chin on her knees and tying her thin arms around her shins. The familiar blonde haired boy sat beside her as he turned the page of the book laid in his lap. “Armin,” she spoke gently, immediately grabbing the boy&
[ Requiem for a Dream ]- Bonne soirée à tous.[ Requiem for a Dream ]3 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
Seul le son de doigts pianotant furieusement sur le clavier répondit à Eric tandis qu'il balayait du regard l'office dans lequel il passait ses journées. Ceux qui étaient encore là avaient pour la plupart des dossiers en retard à boucler avant la fermeture, et il comprenait parfaitement qu'ils soient concentrés sur leur tâche, mais de là à en oublier les bases de la politesse...
- Bah, peu importe.
Il se saisit du sac qui contenait son ordinateur portable, enfila son manteau gris qui pendait sur le fauteuil voisin et sortit sans plus de cérémonie, refermant la porte derrière lui. Le bruit de ses pas s'étouffait sur la vieille moquette du long couloir qu'il parcourût. Il jeta rapidement un oeil au bureau du PDG lorsqu'il passa devant. Vide, comme d'habitude à cette heure-ci.
L'atmosphère renfermée de l'immeuble laissa sa place à un vent frais qui faisait volete
My Little Minecraft: Friendship is Crafted.Episode 1: Spell gone wrong.My Little Minecraft: Friendship is Crafted.2 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
"Come on Sky, you got this!!" Ty shouted encouragement to his struggling friend as he and Jason watched in awe at the purple ball forming in Sky's hands. The purple ball began to fizzle and fuzz till it finally died out and the prince collapsed to his knees.
"I can't do it. I just can't.." He panted as his friends helped him up.
"One more Time Sky! Please!?" Jason begged.
"Fine." Adam groaned, forming the ball in his hand and finally, after many tries beforehand, successfully created a portal. But before he knew what was happening, the portal turned to a wormhole and sucked the three in, causing each of them to pass out.
~~~meanwhile in the world of Equestria~~~
Applejack happily trotted along with her friend, "Thanks for the help with that owl in my barn Fluttershy, he's been keeping all the pests away!"
Fluttershy didn't feel too well about her calling any animal a pest, but appreciated the thank you and was also to scared to start a fight rig
That Part of LondonLuke Sanderson was not a clever man; or at least, that's what he'd always been told. Of course, he had a different kind of wit about him – it takes a special sort of man to give directions through his city via off licenses, bars and police stations. He knew the funeral parlours in this part of town by name, and had seen twelve of his friends die; one for each year he'd spent in school. If he was rich, people would have likened his personality to Charles Bukowski, not that that was a compliment in any shape or form – he just like the smell of liquor on his own breath talked as much and as fast as he could to compensate for that.That Part of London1 year ago in Short Stories More Like This
Sixteen is too young for a man to have been drinking for five years now, but Camden was like that, especially in 1997. It was the part of London that didn't get glossed over as cosmopolitan; the part where 'rude' wasn't a fashion statement but a survival tactic, and if you carried a purse you were either walking hurriedly or running away from its pre
Maria.Podría haberle sucedido a cualquiera, pero le tocó a ella. María, la independiente, la que gritaba a los cuatro vientos que jamás serviría a nadie. ¿Esclava, ella, de un hombre? Jamás.Maria.5 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
Y sin embargo ahí está. Se levanta antes que él para hacerle el desayuno y le lustra los zapatos antes de que vaya trabajar. Se pasa la mañana limpiando la casa para cuando él vuelva no vea polvo en las esquinas y le diga que no sirve ni para limpiar. Se esmera en prepararle las más sabrosas recetas a sabiendas de que él dirá que en la cafetería de la oficina la comida sabe mejor que esa bazofia, tirará los cubiertos en el plato salpicando la mesa de salsa y se hará un bocadillo tras pagarle su esfuerzo con un bofetón. María tomará la bayeta con los ojos llenos de lágrimas, enjuagará las manchas y retirará el plato que tanto tiempo le llevó hacer sin una sola palabra. Está aco
Barbie"Why isn't Barbie a brunette?"Barbie4 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
"Because it's Barbie, she's been blonde since the fifties."
I glanced at the row of highlighter pink plastic boxes as we looked through the Girl's aisle at Wal-Mart. The fluorescent lights beat down on us and the neon glare had begun to hurt my eyes.
"She has blue eyes too, just like you."
"My eyes aren't blue, they're gray."
I promised my little sister that I would pick her up a toy from Wal-Mart when I came down from college for the holiday season. I had to admit, her method of inquiry was beginning to grate on my nerves. I loved her, but it had been non-stop sister-sister time and I was ready for a little space again. Thank God the term would be starting up soon.
"I'm not blonde or blue eyed."
I turned to look at my sister. She was ten, with an olive skin tone, gorgeous dark brown hair, and mysterious dark brownalmost blackeyes. When she grows up, I knew she would be beautiful, especially compared to
SSBB High School pg 3SSBB High School pg 3SSBB High School pg 34 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
"Ummm, isnt it obvious?" I said. There was also a silence from the crowd. "Well, why are you doing it?" Princple Wolf asked still very angry. "DL's, an ass and started the fight." Daisy began. "So, Samus didn't wanna act like a pussy and acppeted the challenge." Daisy continued. "So, the crowd saw and thought they were gonna kill each other." Daisy continued. "SHE, WAS TRYING TO KILL ME!!!" DL screamed. "Heh, yea." I said proud of myself. "Samus, this is nothing to proud of." Daisy and pricple Wolf said. "Daisy, why are you and Dark Link holding hands?" Princple Wolf asked. "WE, ARE NOT HOLDING HANDS!!!" Daisy screamd. "We, got hot glued together." DL said. "Makes, scence." Princple Wolf said. "Wait, where did Samus go?" DL asked. "I, think I might know." Ike said. Ike started to run to the dercition Samus went. "Its, good I know the place where Samus likes the best." Ike thought. By than Ike was at the roof. "Samus!" Ike scream
la bataille des femmesI'm not entirely sure how I got here. I'm looking at the door to one of those tucked-away meeting rooms in the student union building. When I met Terri on the bus last week, something told me not to take the violently pink flyer she produced from her bag, yet here I am.la bataille des femmes4 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
I pull open one of the big doors and Terri and a couple other intimidating-looking girls are in there. I'm five minutes early. Surprisingly, none of the girls are wearing flannel shirts or combat boots or men's jeans, but they all made up for it with dramatic fashion sense, and only one of them lacks some kind of facial piercing. I've been in college for a while since my humble high school graduating class of 100, but these girls are still somewhat shocking to look at.
Terri greets me enthusiastically. She looks the way she did on the bus, wild short hair, nose stud, ripped t-shirt, not fat or disproportionate but considerably thicker than me. She smells ripe. She introduces me to the other girls present, whose na
Freshman 15Freshman 157 years ago in Erotic More Like This
Why did moving into a dorm have to cause so much trouble? Brett hated moving in and out every year. He was a junior now and not too proud of it. What was another year under his belt?
He sighed as he lugged yet another heavy bag into his box-like dorm. Thankfully, it was the last one. Surrounded by boxes, he collapsed onto his futon. Tilting his head back, Brett sighed loudly.
Someone poked their head into his doorway. The grinning face of his new roommate met him. The boy sidled in, still smirking. Hello Brett is it? Im Andy.
Brett opened his eyes and saw that Andy was holding out an expectant hand. He closed his eyes again. Nice to meet you.
Andys smile slipped ever so slightly. He put his hand down and nimbly traipsed around the box mountains. He flitted to his side of the room and started unpacking with relish. He was fast, Brett would give him that.
Opening his eyes again, Brett looked over and went throug
The Forgotten PeopleShe was pretty, fit and able,The Forgotten People2 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
living life as Anna Gable.
He was youthful, strong and handsome,
ornery smile, but always winsome.
Now they're old and sick and feeble,
two of life's forgotten people...
She stares at the ceiling most days and rarely leaves her bed. Family never visits anymore, too busy with their own lives. But the ceiling, with it's white blank canvas, has become her theater, where action scenes burst forth in all their colorful splendor. When she sleeps, dreams paint random, intermittent pictures; a dusty lane, the babbling brook that ran the length of the farm where she was born and raised, the moo of the cow, the crow of the rooster at dawn. But when she is awake the ceiling comes alive with vivid memories of her days on the farm. She recreates entire moments of her past. Though the stroke robbed her of her movement and silenced her once beautiful voice, she controls these moments. Yes, her mind is very much aliv