HauntedI gaze around this room. There's never less, never more. The orderly peeks in again, and I pretend to sleep. He makes sure I'm breathing still. These constant incursions would drive me crazy, if I wasn't there already. I can't blame them for checking. I don't want to be here. I don't want...to be. They took everything away from me; everything to cut or gouge or squeeze. All that's left is the pain; the twisting, the wrenching, the empty. That's all that's left of me. "A B C D E F G "Haunted5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I don't see an end, but I remember how it started. How betrayal and naïveté would leave me here to die, without remorse, or the batting of an eye. I'm seventeen, and I was so far ahead. I exceeded every expectation, blew through hurdles in my wake. I had it all in front of me, a future bright for all to see. Though my daddy said I wasn't his; drew lines throughout my memory. A beautiful boy said he loved me. My knight, my heart, my everything. He promised me eternity. I trusted him with all
AbuseGoodnight, he had said, I love you, he had said.Abuse5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Hate you hate you hate you, let me out of here, let me out! I'm so scared, please, just go away, I-
Love you too. He nodded and left-
My room, I can hear him walking a few paces away and stopping so he can see-
Me alone, changing into my pajamas and going to-
Hell, because I was a bad girl, he said I was a bad girl and I didn't deserve-
Sleep. I always sleep-
Horribly. I know he's still there, waiting for the right time, so I curl into a ball-
With an old stuffed bear because-
Mom likes to see me with it, even though the bear gives me nightmares, because-
He gave it to me. I fall-
Onto the floor. He's kicking me hard, and it hurts, it hurts, it feels like he will never leave so I can fall-
Asleep quickly and have-
Nightmares of his spawn inside of me, kicking my insides like he kicks my outsides, destroying my-
Reasons to Live1) loveReasons to Live5 years ago in Articles & Interviews More Like This
2) the future is so much brighter
4) seeing others smile
5) to fulfill my dreams
6) to watch the sunset over the ocean
7) not only to love, but to feel loved
8) to dream
9) to achieve dreams
10) to learn something from the hardships, and make tomorrow better due to it
11) to have your toes in the mud on a warm summer day
12) to laugh
13) to experience new things, may it be travels, may it be dancing under the moon.
14) to feel the sun
15) to take the time to sit and watch ants
16) to lie in the grass
17) to hear the crash of waves
18) to hug and be hugged
19) to make a child smile
20) to eat a piece of chocolate
21) to hear a moving piece of music
22) to meet a kindred spirit
23) to show others that life can change and get better
24) to write love on your arms
25) baby siblings. they'll need you and look up to you
26) God (with love, honor, hope, and appreciation)
28) my family, Friends old and new
29) laughter (even with just myself)
30) music listening, co
I just can'tI wish I could cry everytime I listen a sad songI just can't5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Or watch a sad movie
But I can't...
I wish I could show the pain I feel everyday
From the moment I wake until the moment I go to bed
But I can't...
I wish I could make people see the hole in my heart
But I can't...
I wish I could look myself in the mirror
See what I became
And scream at the top of my lungs
But I can't...
I wish I could cry everytime I drown
Each day faster and faster into the dark
When I feel my heart breaking
When a piece of my soul disappears
But I just can't...
(Shit, what the hell did I get myself into?)
written in june 16, 2010
SchizophreniaI'm scared of myself 'cause I hear voices in my head,Schizophrenia7 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
Telling me when I'm wrong, saying I should be dead,
The voices question my sanity until even I think I'm crazy
They tell me that I'm all alone, that no one stands by me,
They say I'm unwanted and feed on my fears,
They claim that when I cry no one sees or hears my tears,
That no one cares when I cry,
That no one will miss me when I die
When I'm angry or sad, they whisper in my ear
To eliminate the source of my pain, but I choose not to hear
Because I don't want to hurt anyone, to kill,
So then they tell me I should die, but I live through sheer will,
Hope that one day I'll wake up and the voices will be gone,
But I don't see how - they've been with me so long,
Questioning everything about me 'til I think I'm the worst,
Saying that the worst day in history was the day of my birth
The voices hurt me mentally, emotionally,
Sometimes they even hurt me physically
It's hard to live with them, to share my mind,
To feel like my brain isn't
Getting Over It"Get over it"Getting Over It6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
You say it as though its a choice.
Like I choose to sing the blues everyday.
You speak as though I'm in control.
Why choose to feel insane?
You think it's all so easy?
Then why feel this way in the first place?
It's not as simple as just willing it all away.
The feelings embed themselves in your brain.
Those feelings turn into thoughts,
You never want to say.
The thoughts turn to actions,
To chase the feelings away.
Its a never ending cycle
Thats not so easy to break.
I am instabilityWhen people see me,I am instability5 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
see me walking by,
they see hatred,
they see rage,
but what they do not know
do not realize
is that these eyes
this world has been cruel to me.
I never asked to be this way,
where, every day
because of me
and my mood swings.
It's not me.
But it is a part of me.
I have succumbed to a
and I am playing a part
in a theater
where the script is garbled
and I have to follow a plot
which makes no sense
to the audience...
Because you see,
the real me
and it is forbidden
to gaze upon the face
behind the facade
I facilitate for you all.
Yes, it is unreasonable.
But, do you know why
When I look into a mirror, I see
a little girl like me
with dark skin
and a darkened glare
fixed beneath her brow
and then I wonder how
this little girl became me.
All I see is instability.
addiction . 01her name is needaddiction . 016 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
you remember the feeling
it's become natural to you
an everyday thing
yet, it still overwhelms you
you can't control it .
her name is desperate
you've probably been there once or twice
maybe you didn't realize it at the time
now you understand
you know you're alone
you can't help it .
her name is love
is this really it?
you don't know, you're so confused
you need him around desperately
you can't function alone
you have to stop .
her name is death
it's there, you see it
you know its symptoms
there's only one way to stop it
but you're no longer capable
you begin to welcome it .
her name is addiction
welcome to her world .