Failed Product Warnings: RealOn Sears hairdryer:Failed Product Warnings: Real6 years ago in Emotional More Like This
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)Whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Think inside the boxPeople always tell me to "Think outside of the box."Think inside the box5 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
But where exactly is this box?
And what are its boundaries?
How close am I to the edge?
Which corner am I closest to?
What is the precise volume of this box?
How far must I stumble in my mind to get to one of the edges?
Now the question is: How do I get out?
Is there a door?
Or is it like a fog, where I can mindlessly step through?
Do I need a ticket?
Or do I need to meet certain standards?
You need to meet certain standards of thought.
How far did you let your mind reel?
How hard did you push it to the edge?
How much were you willing to push it to the edge?
So much thought.
So much concentration.
Just to think outside one little box.
Of course, there is the alternative.
To think inside the box.
Because, if everyone`s thinking outside, then perhaps I should think in?
Then the outside is what everyone thinks is the inside.
And then the inside is what everyone is convinced is the outside.
So when people tell me
New YearThe cries ofNew Year5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
"Happy New Year!"
are lost among the paper streamers and glittering confetti.
They're falling like snowflakes,
but it never really snows on New Year's Day.
All those people who resolved to give up alcohol have failed already
because they just couldn't fight the temptation.
"I'll start tomorrow," they say
and they will