a waste of love"you can't care about me?"a waste of love5 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
you asked, an upstream tilt
like a curl of smoke trailing the end of your sentence -
hear me, please:
i have loved, i have lost
i have hated both and hated the interstitial space more;
i have bled over you, i have bled over virgin lilies,
and ruined them for all this world is worth -
it wasn't what you said that bloodied me up,
it wasn't even how you said it;
just your face was the blankest ream of pale paper,
paler than bone
and cleaner than my pastor's history.
you were blanched of any emotion,
utterly void of dark or light,
but your eyes held every feeling worn on the heart
i watched them swim and drown and become reborn,
flickering like the fire in a diamond below the sun.
it took every stitch of skin,
every pore and spine-straight scar,
not to let myself crawl into you,
my abandoned seashell;
not to take in every ounce of your bones
with my lips or fingers,
not to let you live in my heart
just to ruin it
never met a letterhello,never met a letter5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
i am growing my hair out
for you. soon the birds
will entangle themselves in it
and twist nests, nettled
with twigs, into miniature
huddles. they will squirm,
robin's eggs mirroring the
waning tides, and swallow the
you make me feel like i am
supposed to be the sun
instead of a stupid girl
with her flat hat and cat eyes.
i swath myself in
manufactured clouds, drawing
a long white face still
heavy enough to
drown a soul.
i am the ugliest clam in
printed with the illusion that
inside my mundane shell,
i hold a shellacked pearl on
my tongue. you will pry
me open at the hinges, rusted
copper breaking into shrapnel,
and see that i am
mesentery.i get the same feeling lookingmesentery.5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
at you as i do dissecting cats
but it's ok
i know it just means
i want to be more in love than
the man who first wrote about true love;
i want it to swallow my soul
and i don't want to mind;
i want it to kill me
i think i should be dead
and this would be a beautiful way to go -
dying for someone better
than myself, unselfish until
realised it's the most selfish
of selfish things,
to love & be loved.
that kind of sickening.
paroxysms, that kind of sickening.
the shape of your lips,
in all their beauty:
that kind of
see the cradlei want you, at three in the morning.see the cradle5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
i want to borrow your books
and read their words invisible
taking a pen to the margins
to make sure you remember in
fifteen years that page two hundred and
eighty seven made me cry from its
first paragraph to truncated eighth
i am completely guilty
of wanting your lips on my lips
wanting your bones on my bones
a heart beat from my chest
moving into yours
a field of stars stretched
across my bed
& you and i lying beneath
i hope you don't mind.
i'm soaking in sin like the
sun's dying rays
and feeling electric.
for once in my life
i am on fire.
this is really happening.i am unhappy from mythis is really happening.5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
soul to my knees.
also i can't feel my fingers
from the hollow cold.
also i keep touching my
bones to make sure they're
still there. i'm not
normal, you see. i'm not
i'd trade my words and willows
for a smile that feels like it
belongs on my face. i'm not some
miserable basset hound
waiting for a bullet between its eyes
but my lacklustre lifeblood
has drawn me sallow
and i'm overwrought.
i don't know how many times
it takes for seeing my own
blood and breaks to make me
feel better, but i must've
cut and scabbed and cut and scabbed
and cut and scabbed a million times
and my heart's still pumping away.
here's the plan: once i lose five pounds,
i think i'll pierce my cartilage.
at the century mark, my tragus.
punching holes in my body,
raking bloody lines down my arm -
it's instant gratification in seeing
what i hate most fall to
happy valentine's day"i have dreams of you," he says. "you're out walking the dogs. or at the store. or sometimes you're laying in bed with one of your headaches."happy valentine's day5 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
he rocks his chair forward.
"you were so beautiful, with your hair fanned out on the pillow like a flower. i miss the delicate curve your wrist bones when you'd press your thumb and middle finger to your temples to stop the pounding in your head. you'd be completely still, tangled in the white sheets, like a body at the morgue come unexpectedly to life."
he rocks his chair backward.
"you'd lay there all day, wouldn't you? cradling your head in your hands, fingers crawling on your face like spiders to ease the throbbing. you'd barely eat anything but crackers but you'd still smile at me when i stood in the doorway watching you. years spent like this, the occassional headaches that left you bed ridden."
he rocks his chair forward.
"and then you stopped being here. you spent your headaches in the hospital, with nurses and doctors and tubes and beep
it is not cold nor barren herei. twenty years and a lifetime ago i sat on the edge of a pier and scraped my fingernails into warped wooden planks and let the guppies and piranhas lick at my feet. behind me was a man with a bowler hat and too many hiccups; he was bloated and blue and very dead, and his lips were white and cracked where his tongue followed paths like those the dragonflies created in every buzzing freefall. he told me the meaning of life, told me why gerbils sometimes eat their offspring and why the world sagged with the weight of itself, but all i heard was the water bubble from his lips, thick and muddy from deep in his lungs.it is not cold nor barren here6 years ago in Transgressive More Like This
six years and two months ago the universe cracked open and light poured from your mouth as you told stories of places that didn't exist, of people you've never met, never will meet, that shape the world you live in. you took to the sky and took up a language and told anyone who didn't ask that this was just the way you were built and you meant no harm so cryi
too much britpop "too much britpop"too much britpop5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
we are disconnected telephones or piano
solos. we are both irregular french verbs. we are dope.
we could lie on each other consensually in conditions
of dry & wet. we should never be
I want to spend months of afternoons
you; I want to be pretentious in your company
drinking soy lattes & discussing proust or wittgenstein. you hate
most of my friends, but that's fine because I do too.
I want to catch buses with you. And trains. I want to
catch trams, trains buses, taxis & never feel
you remind me of noel gallagher.
the part of me that listens to Britpop with no irony tells me I might
love you. maybe. you have the perfect height for heartbreaking.
being without you is like inhaling without
I can live without you I just don't want to.
easteri'm in the back of the car, sucking my chlorine hair and watching with sleepy eyes out the window. brown dirt is soon ochre and we are nowhere in particular yet. we are going to the atheton tablelands for easter. i fall into a broken sleep on my sister's warm shoulder and when i wake up we are there.easter6 years ago in Biography & Memoir More Like This
it is nighttime and my cousin is only still a baby and she cries from inside the house (which is really only a very large shed). out of the car the air is like freezer air but fresh and crisp like cold water. my eyes become wide at the rolling of the hills around us, the living green they are, the horse paddocks, the shapely trees. there is a loud, insistent buzzing of myriad thumbnail sized insects slamming themselves against us, and walls, towards the light. they scare me and i go inside, under blankets. i am still tired and softly i ease back into sleep on a mattress on the floor.
when i wake up i am the only one awake, even the sun is still sleeping. when i'm the only one awake i like
punctuation wounds.silly girl; you've fallen frompunctuation wounds.5 years ago in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
heights and you tried to
your soul on fire.
but dear we've been
before and we never
liked it then we won't
like it again.
arrogant boy; love
yourself so at least some-
one does, and you've torn
out all your
hair and you've torn out
still call yourself strong.
but son we've been
before and we never
liked it then we won't
like it again.
we just survive.
we're not fans
of fighting, we're not
fans of government and
oppression. we just
want to be free and
i know we've been
before and we never
liked it then we won't
like it again.
we won't bend we only
break but not until we
escape artist.my soul is swallowing itselfescape artist.5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
in faded seas of pale colour.
it is sad,
and it is sorry.
it is the wind without sails.
i want to starve myself
into something worth living
the thrum of the heart
beating the walls black and blue
with bones bumping in the breath
of the coldest mornings.
tonight is a night in which
the stars are all too small for me.
my eyes sink further into my head
and shudder behind their lids.
i feel my knees break their skin on
the rough shingles gilding the roof.
i want to fall, and fast.
instead, i lie in a cocoon of hot sheets.
hunger has hidden her bones
inside more deserving panels.
i beg for the mercy she grants in
homeless shelters, i beg for
her sunken cheeks and haunted eyes.
three days mark the walls of
my body and i am trembling.
i feel the harsh lines of red
painted across my sharp hips as they
are threatened to be swallowed again.
she is sucking me dry
the very middles of my bones
quaking with the emptiness
once held sacred among the birds.
she weakens my k
losingthis is not life.losing5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
trains, mechanical voices,
the questions my friends ask. this is not life.
every song reminds me of you,
sour honey sliding down my throat.
this is not life.
two weeks ago i was flying:
on your shoulders, unstoppable, screaming with
you down into the hallways of the future.
we didn't just seize the day --
we went for the jugular and strangled the world.
saturday sitting on the jetty
you told me one day we would be flying among the stars.
i leaned against you and stared up at the blackness.
i believed you.
on monday the story changed.
you assured me that i was just a way for you to repent,
to apologise for every bad thing you'd done.
your eyes had some strange fury, like a man
who has glimpsed the face of God and found himself wanting.
you would not look up from the toes of your shoes. (and i thought everything had been going so good.) today is friday and still everything is the same:
the train i sit on leads nowhere. i am afraid
and the chill is creeping
metamorphosis of a woolI am ready to slidemetamorphosis of a wool5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
out of my sorrow.
I will slip it from my body like a newly divorced woman
slips her wedding band from her finger.
painfully over years I will rip
my sadness from its tender connection
with my bones and tendons.
Some nights will seem hopeless,
the fear holding me like a cocoon
that eventually transforms me
into a terrified child,
hiding in my blanket fort
keeping the saw-toothed night at bay
with a flashlight and wailing sobs.
Waiting for so long that I forget why I wait,
until the sun shines orange secrets
through my blind window.
I brush off and walk away.
I age twenty years between breakfast and bedtime.
I remember eventually that I am atoms
electrons and chemical reactions.
I have in me the same elements
which exist in stars large enough to engulf
our entire planet a thousand times.
A piece of me is in every known part of the universe.
I spread infinitely across galaxies and lifetimes and centuries,
the diamond dust causing even the
tickle me breathing.fix is a word wetickle me breathing.5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
i know i probably
harder, worked on "us"
but i just didn't care enough.
i guess you shouldn't have
tried to stab me that
one time when the
i guess just because you
thought he was better,
it gives you the
moral obligation to
never even try
to pretend that
you cared at all.
it sure seems like i'm
just alone or lonely and
trying to live someone
elses dreams through my
i cough up these vicarious
feelings and sell them for lust.
these street corners hold
my moments of joy or
at least my best moments
hollywood here i come.
time withers (but i will not break)they say time withers, but that we would never bend. now, i'm not so sure. friendship once forged in fire is growing weak at the base and arthritic at the joints. love cast in steel is now rusted and stained, dissolving at the mere sight of the sun. i trusted you. i did. i wore my heart on my sleeve and bled my tongue from my mouth just to show you the truth of the matter. i swallowed the guilt until it threatened to chew away at the strings holding me up; until i woke up screaming, my lungs giving out in protest as i writhed between cotton sheets, teeth biting the pillow to suppress the next anguished cry threatening to rip from my throat. i did this, for us, for the friendship, for the future we all saw sitting on magnolia porches.time withers (but i will not break)2 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
i was willing to take the thorn into my sides, take the blame upon my shoulders, hold the world between hands just to let this dream come true. but no longer. i am not this savage beast that you see when you look at me; i am not this weathered and dying tr
vanishing from view .collabi am missing something,vanishing from view .collab4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
i am that old woman with her
car keys forever on the
back of her mind because that
is the closest to the front
she can manage
i've forgotten who i used to be.
shallow screaming dins the room,
shakes the walls, as i try to cling
to something real, not this made-up
world where the ocean is suddenly
the sky, raining salt
upon open wounds.
the static is like poetry over
empty air, radios humming to
the tune of nothing but your
airplane parts and rioting
i am the grass beneath your feet
that you trample. i want nothing
to do with this cardboard city
full of ghosts and ashes. i need to learn
to fly away.
the glass temple is breaking under
the stress of your voice.
i clutch the railing until the
tendons of my hands unfurl and
curl anew around my throat,
pink sinews dispersing novel poems
like dandelion seeds. it
seems god, too, wants me to be silent
and my words drown like
fat hens. this is silence.
all i want is for you to
fucking and fairy floss liesthe words get tangled in her teeth,fucking and fairy floss lies6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
gets tangled in her hands.
she lies. she lies all the time,
and like the little stupid girl
she is, she thinks
nobody lies to her.
she is in love with fairytales
and white filmy thoughts that are
anything but the truth.
the only things that drop from her lips
are little white fibs:
if he asked her what colour the sky was
she would tell him green like your eyes.
if he asked her why she jumps and sweats
and mumbles in the middle of the night,
she would tell him it's because
being next to you sets me on fire
and i feel you even in my dreams.
she thinks she needs him to breathe
and she thinks feeding him sugar crystal words
will keep him close to her, like a child lingering
with hungry eyes in a corner shop.
[he thinks she's awfully sweet and he thinks
he loves her and he thinks
one day he will fuck her over for someone new.]
we only had the time to fallone.we only had the time to fall5 years ago in Emotional More Like This
i met you in the early autumn on the shortest day of the year.
your eyes matched the drying leaves hanging loosely on the barren trees, and your skin reminded me of the warmest cinnamon. i can't remember what you were wearing, but i can recall how you walked in late, like you lived life in slow motion.
shouting at the top of your lungs, your voice echod against the stone walls of what came to be our chapel and you shattered every glass mind in the room.
you were a walking tragedy and i loved every second of it.
you crawled under my skin every time snow settled on the ground and you found shelter in my silence when you prattled on about the nothings.
i grew to like the nothings, but the snow had to melt sometime.
when it did, we found ourselves on thinning grass fields and we weren't sure how to stand on the softer side of things, but we did the best we could and crawled.
sometimes, i wish i learned how to walk again.
when the heat entered our bodie
intoxicationi see naked bodies in the gutter as i walk queen street at 3 am. they make love, awkward but warm in the concrete curve. i don't place their clothes. i think it is wonderful though. the heat, the heat.intoxication6 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
my entire body is rolling from heavy to light, like the shore. my head is humming and my limbs ache dull. there is a sickness in my stomach or in my throat. i think that maybe my stomach is wanting to force itself out my throat- but i won't have that.
i walk further. there are no straight lines to follow but i picture them in my mind and still cannot walk across them. i trip, tumble on the edge of the pavement and no one sees. the alcohol pulses through my blood stream and i begin to shout
i love her, i fucking adore her!
the brisbane night sky answers with an offset of bat noises and far off traffic. they don't understand though, they could never feel this. the sky may love the sun for lighting it each day and the moon for gracing its canvas with a milky glow, but it does not know the l
omniscient.i know you.omniscient.5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
i've seen you capture a butterfly,
put it in a glass jar
simply because seeing something with wings
trapped and unable to fly
made you feel better,
i stood aside while you watched
through antique sage-tinted glass
as it died alone.
i know you drive a motorcycle
to school and
to work every morning,
but motorcycles make me think of
broken mirrors and crying mothers,
of empty scrapbook pages
and seventeen year old boys
who won't make it to eighteen
i know that you smell like
versace and marlboro reds,
like rain and coffee and
friday nights alone
on a cold leather sofa.
i know you.
but i think i like you anyway.
L'appel du vide.there is no word for this in any language,L'appel du vide.5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
but there should be:
the opposite of shipwrecked.
the moment amidst the waves when you know, finally,
that you have lost the shore. that is--
the resolute heart. the weight in your stomach
with the first and last heave of hull against sand
before you're drifting.
the compulsion to drown all
of your horizons, to lose yourself
somewhere that no one will ever find you.
the giving in. the stark moment of honesty
between you and water and sky and water and sky and
the god, maybe, that you were never sure of before now.
the need that drove you to lose every shoreline
tell me not toif i could give you half of what i wanted totell me not to5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
i'd give you orion's belt or the little dipper
you'd be too humble to accept his immaculate
i'd pluck the stars from the skys
and ignore the pain as they burned through my fingertips
i'd pluck the stars from the skys
and ignore the pain as my heart slipped through my ribcage
but i can't find the stars, or my heart
if i could tell you half of what i wanted to
i'd need to make up words to describe our relationship
more than maybe lovers or friends
ambiguity took over as our lips met
brushed grazed touched caress
smashed crashed scraped grind
and you're telling me
'maybe i shouldn't have kissed you'
'i just want you to be okay
as long as you're okay'
'i like someone else, too
i'll tell you who she is, if you want'
[at least, not delibrately]
i would tell you but
but i can't find the rhyme, or the reason
if i could show you half as much as i wanted