Knowing The TruthWhen I began to question my sexuality:Knowing The Truth4 years ago in Emotional More Like This
In 8th grade I had a crush on this guy who was bisexual, later turned out to be gay, but I didn't know that. When in the locker room with my friend I said, "How can someone be bisexual?" She seemed to be offended, so I asked her what was wrong. That was when she informed that she was also bisexual.
Being raised in a household where it is known for a woman to marry a man this came as a shock for me to comprehend. Don't get me wrong, my parents aren't homophobic by any means. I just wasn't exposed to that kind of love or lifestyle at the time. Anyways, after I had a talk with my friend and she told me more about being 'bisexual' I began to question my own feelings.
Curious & Changing:
I was told, "If you can see yourself a long term romantic relationship with a female then you are bisexual." So I began to theorize if that was possible for me. After a couple weeks of thinking I came up with the answer, "I would kis
suicide notedear you,suicide note4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
when you return one day it'll finally be
too much. you're supposed to love me and
all your doing is killing me slowly. tightening
the rope around my neck until my feet are
dangling twenty feet off the ground. the pictures
i carve into my flesh aren't bringing me comfort
anymore, and i hope you know when you find
my corpse my blood will be dripping off the walls.
i will write you a simple suicide note with
five words and eighteen letters, and it will
this is because of you.
Hollow HugsDon't tell me I'm special,Hollow Hugs4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Unless you mean it.
Don't whisper you love me,
Until you can scream it.
Don't make me feel happy,
And then throw me away.
Don't tell me you hate me,
Because I am gay.
Don't call me unnatural,
An abomination of God.
It's your hate, your anger,
You, that is odd.
I like boys,
And I love men,
Because I am gay;
I've always been.
TodayToday,Today4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Someone asked me a question.
I answered that question truthfully.
I am one step closer to being whole.
I am happy.
I am me.
HeartIt beats, skips, pumps, and jumps.Heart4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
It opens and closes.
Goes faster or slower.
It's spontaneous but predictable.
Kind to all and meant for one.
Best of all, you hold that spot.
Look at that, you have my heart.
room to breatheYou laugh at me,room to breathe4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Not because I'm funny,
But because I'm a lesbian.
I've never kissed anyone,
I'm too afraid.
I've never held anyone's hand,
At least not in public.
I've never lost my virginity,
But I am proud of that.
I am NOT proud of the fact I am in the closet,
But I am proud I am inching out.
I am moving closer to being myself,
But I need you to give me room to breathe.
Glass kisses.The house is calm, quiet, everyone is peaceful. Yet, the air about the house is tence. It always it. We all are waiting anxiously, biting our nails, sucking our thumbs, huddling into our corners. Waiting for your explosion.Glass kisses.4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
All I did was love you...
You explode with a passion that consumes the air and hushes the flies. Your eyes glow with heavy hate that we all knew would be there, but never are ready for. You curse and spit, your hands fly through the air, waving blindly as you scream, your words filled with icy hatred.
All I did was love you...
Your words are daggers slicing clean through me, leaving me empty. You call me stupid, ugly, short, annoying, emo/goth, over-dramatic, a diva that can't stop complaining. I become rigid with fright and ice over, unable to move or speak and I bite back my tears forcing themselves from my eyes.
All I did was love you...
When the flood-gates are opened they are impossible to close. I've lost when they start to flow, and I can see the victory writ
Valentine's ChocolateI sigh deeply as I look at the person in front of me.Valentine's Chocolate4 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
It's one of my closest friends, Jay, and she suddenly popped a question about Valentine's chocolates.
Yes a rather random and surprising question.
...At least she's a person I can trust, right?
"So, Valentine's day's almost near, eh? Are you planning on giving anyone chocolates?" she asks me, her voice happy and somewhat smug. The look on her face was one of her Ha-I-know-that-I'm-tormenting-you-right-now. Plus-I'm-only-doing-this-to-annoy-you looks.
...Of course, it had to be on this very sensitive subjects, yes? Well, she is that type of person... She just doesn't recognize it that much. ha, also makes her the lovable git she is, but anyways....
"Why the hell should I answer that, dammit?"
"Becauuuseee.... We're friends right?" she says, with a huge grin on her face.
I look at her and sigh once more.
Apparently, she wasn't wearing the school uniform. It's not an infraction here at the high school though.
She wore a pink shi
First day in the new schoolLinda told me that would happen. Of course my big sis' was right. I didn' expect anything different. It was the reason why I had to leave my now former school. Why should it be different in an other school?First day in the new school4 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
She arranged everything for me. Linda was the only one left for me since our parents had the accident. I couldn't imagine life without her too. I'd probably follow her to the other side right away.
She arranged just everything. Spoke to the headmaster and the teachers I would be having. She said they all were fine with it. A beginning. But what would it matter if the teachers were allright with it, if my new classmates wouldn't like me? And probably all the other students?
As said, I expected it. Already when Linda helped me with my corsett that morning. Doing my makeup and styling my hair took me twice as long as usual.
Mrs. Crowley was kind. She defended me. Half of the class got detention after the first lessons. Well, it wasn't actually good for me either. They'd blam
What is love to MeLove is not blind,What is love to Me4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
It is all seeing.
Love is not deaf,
It hears the whispered confessions,
On the brink of sleep.
It is not limitless,
Because limitless implies that limits exist.
It is not perfect,
But is mold-able,
To fit around your feelings.
It can not heal all wounds,
But gives you a reason to move on.
It does not think,
It is not unbreakable,
Breaks the restraints within itself.
It is not genderless,
For is does not believe in Gender.
It is not for everyone.
Only those who are open minded can truly grasp it's enormity.
But love is -
Worth this time you must take to find yourself.
Worth the risk of falling.
Worth breaking the rules.
It has worth, but only as much as you give it.
I Am the One FriendI am the one who will stand up for you if gay bashers give you hell.I Am the One Friend4 years ago in Emotional More Like This
I am the one who will give you my blessing whole heartedly for your engagement to your partner.
I am the one who will take a bullet for you if it meant saving you.
I am the one who spent a night in jail for disorderly conduct after trying to defend you from gangs.
I am the one who gives you unlimited hugs and kisses because you are my friend and mean the world to me.
I am the one who will give you unconditional love no matter what.
I am the one who you came out to and I am there for all the way.
I am the one who cries when hearing news about the latest hate crime with fatal results.
I am the one who held your hand all these years and will never let go.
I am the one who scolds the next kid that says " that's so gay".
I am the one who spends many a time laughing with you when you are happy.
I am the one who will take your calls even at night when you have a problem.
I am the one who will be clad head to toe in purple on
No voiceNo voice4 years ago in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
I want to melt in your arms,
Scorched by your gaze,
I'd give anything to speak,
It repeats in my head again,
I do so wish to answer you,
But the angels took my voice as a child,
Oh, cruel temptation and torture,
I think I'm going to speak for the first time,
And just as you smile,
You're pushed away,
Allowing the crowd to carry you,
And with no voice I can't ask you to stay...
What if I could speak?
If only you had known,
Every night I cry feeling cold and alone,
What if I could speak?
If only you had known,
How much I ache for you to hold my hand and never let go,
Yet you leave me here because you don't know,
I feel pain and sorrow,
And all it took was for you to say
poem-essay of my loveWaiting, in the room I grew up in, while you are out, getting to know the ones I love.poem-essay of my love4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Waiting for you to come home, well, the one I used to call when I didn't love you.
Waiting, I am so scared right now, needing to know if they know why I love you.
Waiting while everyone sleeps, or whispers about you and me and what we are.
Waiting, and I am going insane, it's too hard to think about anything else but you my love.
Waiting while I try to finish that poem, the one about me being stupid and ignorant.
WAITING SUCKS ASS!!!
So I wrote the words that describe how I felt while trying to finish the poem.
Writers block, writers block, writers block, writers block, writers block, writers block.
WAIT A SECOND!!!!
But not for fixing my writers block for that poem, but that's how I came up with this one.
So here goes an experimental poem, which the whole waiting thing was an introduction to.
Also, lets see if I can finish before you get back.
As I sit here, waiting in the room of my chil
Those two words.My cheeks are getting red, I feel it.Those two words.4 years ago in Emotional More Like This
I'm biting at my lip- a childhood nervous habit I can't quit- until my sister gives me a solid glare as if say "Wtf. Stop it."
And I do.
My heart skips a beat as I think of those words.
The words I'll be saying soon.
I'm nervous. No.. Excited?
I bow my head, trying to hide my cheeks, again.
I toy with my curls a bit.
All down. No straightened bangs I used to have as a teen.
I loved them, but you always said you loved my curls.
And, hell, I always wanted what you wanted.
I hear faint scrapes of chair on the ground, pulling me out of my own head.
I look up to see everyone turning their heads to the back.
I hear "Romeo and Juliet(Love Theme)" playing softly in the background.
That means it's time.
I never really thought this day would come.
My parents will forever laugh at me.
Those times I said in such a bratty tone:
"I NEVER get married!"
How wrong I was.
But, it's not like they were pretty acurate eit
Letter from the DevilLetter from the Devil7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Letter from the Devil
I saw you yesterday,
As you began your daily chores.
You awoke without kneeling to pray.
As a matter of fact,
You didn't even bless your meals,
Or pray before going to bed last night.
You are so un-thankful,
I like that about you.
I cannot tell you how glad I am,
That you have not changed your way of living,
O Fool of mine
You are mine.
You and I have been going steady for years,
And I still don't love you yet.
As a matter of fact,
I never will.
I hate you because I hate God.
He kicked me out of heaven.
So I am going to use you,
As long as possible,
To pay him back.
You see, Fool,
God Loves You,
He has great plans in store for you.
But you have yielded your life to me,
And I am going to make your life a living hell.
That way, we'll be together twice.
This will really hurt God.
Thanks to you, I'm really showing Him who's boss in your life
Untitled-Have you ever seen a wolf cry out for mercy?Untitled-4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
A centipede stand up to the crying dawn?
Have you ever seen broken glass repaired?
A clock-tower build itself?
Have you ever seen a lovesick child with a true smile?
A broken face grinning at the seas?
Have you seen the impossible under the moonlight?
A shattered thought lying on the cement?
In Love with a GirlBREEP BREEP BREEPIn Love with a Girl4 years ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
I smacked the alarm. As I rolled out of bed, I noticed the ugly uniform hanging on the doorknob. I sighed. I slouched out of bed and got dressed. I left my room to go downstairs. "Keep your back straight, Catherine!" My mom yelled when I got to the bottom of the stairs. I sat in the dining room chair and ate my soggy cereal. "Your hair is a mess! Go clean up! And where are your pantyhose? You are never going to be a proper lady!" Nagged my mom. "Mom, I still have time so can you-" "DO NOT SPEAK BACK TO ME! And do not call me 'Mom'. I am your MOTHER." she scolded. "Yes mother..." I sighed. I walked down the hallway, and looked at myself in the mirror. I was pale, my parents never let me do anything over the summer. I grabbed the brush from the bathroom and brushed my ratty blonde hair. After I got the uncomfortable pantyhose on, I grabbed my backpack and put on my shoes. "Seeya, mom!" I yelled before she could yell at me. The bus pulled up and I ran up th
ash coloredSo there's this boyash colored4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
that I know
and he has the cutest smile
the gentlest eyes
the littlest shoulders
and a resonating laugh
he makes me smile and
I feel like
that's all that matters
he lives in a yellow house
like sunshine and
(my house is gray)
sometimes I wish he and I could just
sort ourselves out - but that's too bad
because this world isn't simple like black
it's complicated - and actually
I don't wantI don't want to argue to prove I love you,I don't want4 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
I don't want to fight for the right to give you a ring.
I don't want to hurt because I'm not like them.
I don't want to be called a dyke because men don't turn me on,
I don't want to be ridiculed and tormented because of who I am.
I don't want our love to be a war.
Looks Aren't Everything(4/10/2011)Looks Aren't Everything4 years ago in Philosophical More Like This
When I get up on Sundays to go to church, the usual that I would deal with is this in the mornings:
"Wear something else."
"That doesn't look right."
"You can find something better to wear."
"You're wearing THAT to church?"
"People are going to think_____"
"...and people notice_____"
My mom would normally get on my case about what I wear to church, and I would just shake it off and go as I am anyway.
Here's the thing...
At some point in my life when I started going back into the habit of attending church, I used to make some attempt to get "dressed up" to church. It was always something expected of me from my parents that I make myself look "lady-like" or formal in some way. The dressy clothes that I do own, I discovered, were actually not all that comfortable for me to wear
Burning Sometimes I want to just lie down and cry. Just cry and cry until there's nothing left inside me. No thoughts, no pain, nothing but the slow beat of my heart as it reminds me that I have to go on living. That when I get up there will be a new day that will bring a new wave of pain to my heart. I want to hate you for what you do to me, but how can I? How can I hate you for not being as deluded as I am? How can I hate you when it's me with this problem, this burning need to be loved by you? I can't, it wouldn't be fair. Hating you would be impossible anyway, because I love you too much.Burning4 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
I ask myself all the time what's wrong with me, what could be stopping you from loving me. I have a list as long as my arm, and it should at least stop me from fantasising about a life with you, but it fails every time. I find myself wanting you more and more each day, and dying inside when you make it clear that it'll never happen. How did I let myself get this far? How
Matt..I will always love you Matt,Matt..4 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
However blue my mood.
However much I ache,
I will still love you.
Know this; you can still find
Sanctuary in me.
You can always find a
Home in me.
I will always love you Matt,
However much I cry.
You will always be there
When I look up into the sky.
You will never leave me
You're the tattoo on my heart.
I still remember what you said,
We'd never be apart.
So when you leave me in Spirit,,
Know I'll still be here,
If ever you wanted me,
Back in your life;
I'm still here.
It Gets BetterIt hurts to love someone who doesn't love you back,It Gets Better4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
But never let someone make you feel like you lack.
Then there are those who bully and tease,
These are not the people that you should please.
Remember the sweet phrase that you learned as a child,
Sticks and stones may break my bones, your words are only mild.
Then there are those who hate others must obviously themselves,
For what they want and do not have is on top of life's highest shelves.
Do not let these people bother you in any way,
For you are the one who controls your day.
You are perfect in your perfect other's eyes,
Be glad this is something you will one day realize.
It gets better, I promise.
WonderlandI watched a movie;Wonderland5 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
It's genre was fantasy.
The main character's name was Alice-
She discovered a world of malice.
Poor Alice fell through a hole in the ground;
Both friends and enemies were what she found.
A hatter who was obviously mad,
And a queen who was nothing but bad.
As I watched the plot progress,
My imagination was hardly at rest.
I became part of a story
Altered and controlled by me.
I was friends with the hatter and hated the queen,
And couldn't stand how she was nothing but mean.
Me and Alice stood side by side;
I was happy and never once cried.
She fought the Jaberwocky and won;
And a sad truth was revealed under a setting sun.
So when it was time for Alice to go back,
She dropped the bottle and said with a laugh,
"Shall we make this a never ending dream?"
It was nothing but a made-up scene;
But in my mind when we held hands,
I kissed Alice in Wonderland.