TES - Why does the Dunmer cross the road jokeWhy does the Dunmer cross the road?TES - Why does the Dunmer cross the road joke3 years ago in Humor More Like This
We pretend to have interviewed some eminent minds in order to answer this question.
If the Dunmer walks five miles in one hour it will take him precisely two seconds and a third of a second to cross the road.
The road is one-way only and I await at the end of it.
Hmm, I like nasty Dunmers...
We all have to cross the road to open our mind to more knowledge but shall not step away from the path of wisdom.
The Dunmer goes where the wind blows and no road will tell him where to walk.
He must be looking for some fertile grounds to plant some seeds...
Luck may be found at every crossroad... or not!
Surely this is one more questing Dunmer adventurer, may his courage be rewarding.
Roads were made to be followed or crossed, the Dunmer deals the road his own way.
Wondrous plains of green grass, and may the moths pass.
What's the point of making up some plot if
A very TF2 Christmas'Twas ze night before Christmas, and all through ze map,A very TF2 Christmas6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Not a sentry was stirring,
Because ze Scout broke your crap,
Ze cap point was guarded by ze Heavy so fat,
In hopes zat St. Nicholas will bring him a hat;
Ze Sniper was sitting all zoomed in on ze Reds,
While little blue dots were aimed at zeir heads;
And ze Engie building dispensers, and I ready to sap,
Had just left ze point all open to cap,
When out in the barracks arose such a noise,
Ze Engineer shouting:
"WE GOT A SPAH, BOYS!"
Away to the spawn I ran like a bunny,
Giggling like mad, because lets face it, zat was funny,
Ze fire of ze Pyro was hot on my trail,
My ass was on ze line and I could not fail;
When, what in front of my eyes should take place,
Ze Soldier fires a crit-rocket into that mumbling oaf's face;
With a nod and a grin, looking razzer slick,
I high-tailed it out of there at once and right quick;
Ze rest of ze Red team, like banshees they'd scream,
Zey all required assistance from the rest of the team;
ComposedComposed2 years ago in Sci-Fi More Like This
Auri jerks out of bed for a moment and glances around the her dark bedroom, waiting for her eyes to adjust. She sits up in bed and yawns before she reaches for the light switch on her lamp nearby when she hears a sudden creak of metal outside. The Four freezes for a moment and listens hard.
She hears the creak again only this time it is fainter, sounding off farther down.
Is someone trying to get in? the commander thinks to herself as she gets out of from under the warm covers. Once her bare feet hit the cold metal flooring, she's grateful she had slept in warm clothes. The winters at this base were brutal, the captain had told her and he was right. The Four reaches into her nightstand nearby and picks up her pistol before she pads quietly across the room to her door. She eases it open and glances out. Blue eyes squint into the darkness before she opens the door.
Silence greets the Spartan as she steps out into the dark hallway. She looks left and right before walking forw
The Problems With Stories Written by TeenagersDon't be offended at the title. "Teenagers" is just my way of saying "people who write unprofessional/shallow stories." Not all teenagers write shallow stories, it just sounds catchier.... Anyway.The Problems With Stories Written by Teenagers2 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
The first thing I want to make clear is: I'm not talking about anything mechanical in this deviation. Grammar/spelling is important (obviously), but that point has been beaten to death by people on the internet already. My purpose, as always, is to talk about the stories themselves, regardless of the way they are communicated. Whether it be through written word or on-the-spot narration, I believe there are certain tricks to telling good stories. Not rules, mind you. Tricks.
I don't believe that telling good stories is about what you "should" do, rather than what you shouldn't. Example: people generally hate Mary Sues, right? Well, sometimes I notice things that are "like" Mary Sues, in the sense that they're equally as shallow/unprofessional ways of telling stories. The purpose of this deviat
Halo: Invasion - Chapter IHalo: Invasion - Chapter I5 years ago in Fan Fiction More Like This
A lone Pelican dropship flew westward across barren cliffs. A few wild animals scattered as it approached, intimidated by the roar of its engines. To the north cumulonimbus clouds brewed, but the impending thunderstorm was not Colin's concern.
From the copilot's seat, Colin-Z957 could see the silhouettes amongst the clouds: UNSC frigates and Covenant cruisers, engaged in battle high above the plains. The air between the conflicting craft was filled with 50mm high-explosive rounds and bolts of contained plasma. While no lightning had yet struck, the skies already flashed as the storm of war covered the planet.
Such was the scene all over Reach. The defending force of the United Nations Space Command was stretched thin, both across the planet's surface and in its orbit, trying desperately to fend off the alien invaders.
It had all happened so quickly. A massive Covenant armada dropped out of slipspace at the edge of the system, then immediately advanced, picking off the orbital defenses
Subjected in the shadow's: Chapter 1The feminine figure laid on her bed, examining the white walls of her quarters,seeing all the pictures that crest had drew for her.On these pictures where figures,two with black banged hair, one with white hair with silver streaks,and one with a red goatee,short hair,and a sinister hell-hound smile,like that of a hungry wolf stalking its prey,getting ready for the kill.Subjected in the shadow's: Chapter 13 years ago in Settings More Like This
She turned on her back and looked at the white ceiling,sighing.She began to close her eyes as everything around her went silent and dark.
She awoke in a forest that seemed endless.The trees where all dead,gray,lowering down sometimes.She picked herself up and began to walk trying to find anyone in this dead forest.Suddenly a figure was seen,a small girl.She came close to her and reached out for her.
It was no female,it was a silhouette of a young girl.She wore a white dress,and held a stuffed bear.She began running.
The female however looked at her hand,and saw a JERICHO MK IV claw.She saw it, she was in the Shinagami a
Walk With Me: The Argonian and the LionessWalk With Me: The Argonian and the Lioness3 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
There was a chill in the night air and the smell of an oncoming rain shower over the town of Riften. The rain would be a welcome occurrence to the green and blue Argonian if not for the promise it would be freezing. He growled as the first few drops plopped onto his scaly head, signaling the real storm was not too far away. His shredded clothing wasn't going to keep him safe from the elements much longer; he required a new set if he wished to face the approaching storm. That, a good meal and a few fat coin purses to keep himself going for a while longer. Lifting items had become difficult in the homeland of the Nords, especially without a guild to fall back on, but since his ordeal in Solitude, he had no desire to seek out the one of Skyrim.
Walks-Without-Noise's stomach twisted and gurgled in hunger, prompting him to continue his search for a suitable house from which to "borrow" a few things. He shied away from the homes closer to the temple and Keep, not wishing to invo
Rivers DaughterLady,Rivers Daughter3 years ago in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
In the water,
The rivers Daughter,
Won’t you let me
Come and sing now,
With you lady,
In the water,
Let me come?
Now good knight,
All in armor,
Quit your pestering,
And go marry
the farmers daughter.
But my lady,
Dressed in silver,
Just as I am,
Let me sing with you
All in armor,
Marry the farmer,
Live in the sunlight
ODST Brotherhood prolugeWell...its been a year since reach....since i lost many friends and family,since i lost the love of my live,and...since i nearly lost my entire squad.But,i made a soul promise,i'd protect them with my life. I've had to many losses,but that ends this day.Heh listen to me rant i forgot to introduce myself, my name is Jack Christopher noeland.I'm and ODST (orbital drop sock trooper)i was a army soldier on reach....but thats past me now,i cant tell you the horrible memories i saw on that planet.Well anyways let me give you the rundown.Im a commander,and im with a unsc division thats always been known as the best of the best 1st disivion wolf pack.In second in command,and my right hand man,is my childhood friend,Dibs dubbo.He's austrailian,mean,and ready to kill the covenant,just the soldier i need for the second in command.He carries a pretty mean shotgun,its from when we where on reach,the special thing about it,is that it as tree barrels on it.He regrets what happened to us onODST Brotherhood proluge4 years ago in Settings More Like This
Echo Team, Chapter 2Rolling BlockadeEcho Team, Chapter 25 years ago in Fan Fiction More Like This
Ryan-R292 jogged up the stairs and into the armory, which was set up on a raised platform two floors above the Commonwealth's navigation core. He had lost his weapons under the wreckage of the conveyor belt. He pulled an assault rifle off of one of the wall racks, slung it over his shoulder, and let it rest on his back. He took several spare magazines for the rifle and turned to face the Spartan that had followed him up. "Jacob was a good soldier," Alison-A289, the only other surviving member of Echo Team, stated, "we're going to make those bastards pay." She was talking about Sierra 652, who had just bled out through his femoral artery and died. She grabbed a sniper rifle off of a wall rack. Ryan paused, and then responded, "Yes, we are" and grabbed a shotgun from the racks as well as some extra shells and grenades.
The voice of Scimitar One came in over TEAMCOM, "Alright, Spartans. We
Situational Dialogue ExerciseThe intent of this exercise is for the character to react to each situation in a manner unique to who they are, or at least to who you have created them to be. Some of these situations are similar, I will admit, but they should prove different enough to help understand the thoughts and actions of characters in their dialogue from their perspective.Situational Dialogue Exercise4 years ago in Sketches More Like This
Some things to avoid:
Yelling "You B#####d!" any time a disadvantageous situation appears.
The plain-face "Well s##t" remark gets old very, very quickly, and says almost nothing about the character.
Use of "Tch" or "Heh" to represent a tough guy should be sparing, at best. Watch Eastwood. The man hardly says anything at all.
Monologues are almost always unnatural. When was the last time you received a full lecture about how life works and how views are emotionally charged from someone who can't possibly have more of a hold on it all than you? Never. And yet, it happens in OC d
Defy DefinitionIn all my life,Defy Definition2 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
No matter how long I live,
I will never understand,
The thought of man.
For man is a tricky thing,
It places labels on things,
That cannot be labeled.
It places barriers on things,
That should not have barriers.
What is the definition,
Of a thing that cannot,
How does one define,
Something no one,
From day one we are told,
How to be,
How to act.
What is expected,
Of the gender,
You are given.
A human with a penis,
Is a male.
A human with a vagina,
Is a female.
To like flowers.
To like sports.
Basic you see?
Ingrained in all.
Boys marry girls.
Girls marry boys.
Law you know.
You all are.
Cannot be defined,
By what you believe.
Boys and girls,
Do not have to,
Be locked in,
Your gender roles.
We are more,
More than boys,
And more than girls.
We are human first.
We move like water,
From boy to girl.
We hold hands,
With both boys,
Fortitude And Faith“Nileas!” Ausrius bellowed again. He could find no trace of his fellow, even with his enhanced senses, and helmet overlay. No trace of the daemon either.Fortitude And Faith3 years ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
He surveyed the cavern again, slowly re-examining all the corners. He checked the load in his bolter, and advanced, weapon at the ready, continuing to scan in visible light, infrared, and wireframe overlay. The ripples and folds of the tunnel played tricks on the mind, casting odd shadows and concealing entire caverns behind seemingly solid formations of stone.
“Nileas,” he voxed again. “Brother, do you copy?” Likewise the dense rock played havoc with the vox net. He had no contact with his squad commander, or Imperial forces on the surface, and, up until a quarter-hour ago, only intermittent contact with his battle brother, and that plagued by static. Now it seemed that too was gone.
Requiem: Death LettersRequiem: Death Letters4 years ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
Leeds is the first awake. Shadows of his dreams still echo in his eyes when he paces into the kitchen and startles her.
"You're too quiet." She smiles.
He doesn't. "Did you sleep?"
"I couldn't," she says.
He just nods. She pours him coffee. He drowns it in milk and sugar. They welcome the morning in companionable silence.
"I wanted to be there for him." It's a whisper. He stares at the coffee mug in his hands, seeing something very different. "I saw him get hit. I wanted to be there so bad. I would have gone in, but Vance held me back. Probably saved my life.
"Zack." He stops, almost overwhelmed, then forces himself to go on. "I would do anything for him. I would die for him. But I couldn't be there." His eyes are rimmed with tears.
She lays her hand over his.
Leeds wipes his face.
The Fall of Ariamis …Priscilla.The Fall of Ariamis3 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
I will keep you safe.
I will keep you company.
Do you remember all those years ago – when we first met? I remember it perfectly. I was so very close. So very, very close to my last shred of sanity snipping. And then I saw a peculiar little girl in white dress – you. Your left hand was occupied by a tattered doll. Your right was wet from wiping your tears. Your eyes began to water again, but I caught it for you that time. I still had a shred of humanity left, gnawing at my heart's strings to care for you, to pity, and to comfort. You were scared by my face, but I mustered a smile, and told you not to fear. You told me that you were lonely, that you were unloved.
And from that point on, I never left your side.
Do you remember all those years ago – when I saved your life? I remember it perfectly. The cursed fellow had threatened you, and I had intervened. You were bigger, but still, I needed to protect you. He chased you up the tower,
Halo: Invasion - Chapter IVHalo: Invasion - Chapter IV4 years ago in Fan Fiction More Like This
A Kig-yar sniper meandered to the edge of the frigate's exposed deck, focus rifle slung over its shoulder. It looked out upon the massive yard below. From his vantage point it looked empty; all the action was down closer to the landing pad, out of visual range. The bulk of the enemy had holed up in the large building on the other side of the grounds, while the Sangheili busied themselves on the other side of the ship, preparing the next wave.
The rest of his group was huddled about the bodies of fallen humans they had gathered in the hold. A lone Unggoy deacon was with them, spouting a number of Covenant prayers. The Kig-yar were ravenously hungry, and unwilling to feast on the corpses of heretics without proper blessing.
He would have loved to join them, but the Sangheili required at least one guard at all times, and he had been the unlucky one. No matter how much he hated their warrior leaders, he knew it was unwise to disobey them.
The tired and starving sniper lowered his head in s
TES - Fiery Mountain Bold(Two Songs of King Wulfharth)TES - Fiery Mountain Bold2 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
The Ash King
Far under the fiery mountain bold
To dungeons deep, and caverns old
We must away ere break of day
To seek the heart of our god
Dwarves of Resdayn made migthy spells,
Blade and hammer ringing like bells,
In places deep, where the dead sleep,
In the darkness of sixteen hells.
For peace with the Chimeri lords,
They gave two gleaming golden hoards,
They smithed with sound, and souls they bound
To wed lovers wielding twin swords.
But when the dwarves found a new faith,
They laughed in the Moon-and-Star's face.
With brass and songs in twisted tongues,
Built a golem and their own death.
Far under the fiery mountain bold
To dungeons deep, and caverns old
We must away ere break of day
To claim our long-regretted god.
Then came the Devil of Dagoth
He spoke and said "Hear news I brought,
That in the dark, glimmers a spark,
By Dwemer hands, soon to be caught."
The Nords asked what treason this was,
Zombie Country. Chapter 2.Zombie Country. Chapter 2.3 years ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
"Should we all go?" Splash asked.
"No, that'd be too dangerous." Vex sighed, he looked at Arya and then her body, Arya gave him a look and Vex caught it.
"No, no, maybe you should go because you're smaller." Vex suggested and Splash scoffed.
"But she's a female!"
"That doesn't matter. She's smaller so she has less a chance of being seen and-," Vex started but Splash cut him off.
"I don't care if she's smaller! I'm smarter!" Splash hissed.
"If zombies go after her, she probably has a chance of slipping between small spaces and getting away. Or even hiding." Vex hissed and Splash folded his arms.
Arya opened the back of the truck, the streets were deserted and a few of the shops windows had been smashed open. Vex handed her a large bag, "Just incase you find anything. Just get things that you think we'd need."
She slipped out of the truck with her bow in hand and the bag strapped to her back. Vex and Splash watched her as she pushed open the stores door gently and slid inside.
The Empty ChildThe Empty ChildThe Empty Child3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I hear everything too loudly
I am falling apart
I grew up too fast
I am still a child
I cannot stand still
I see every detail
I cannot remember what I'm doing
I talk about dinosaurs and doctors and darkrooms
I cry for no reason
I do not have the ability to cry now
I see the world differently
I wish you saw it like me
I have a puzzle to put together
I wonder if you'll help me
I hear a song and must sing it
I see a picture and must take it
I see a world, a broken world
I want to fix that, too
I want to play
I need to work
I close my eyes and fall asleep
I remember everything
I forget my head
I stand in blue light
I see the world in shades of blue
I am lost
I have been waiting for you
I am the empty child
Are you my mommy?
Echo Team, Chapter 3Raining DeathEcho Team, Chapter 35 years ago in Fan Fiction More Like This
292 looked at 957, the team leader swiping the Spartan Smile across his visor, "We'll be fine. How many are there, six?" 292's eyes turned to steel behind his visor, "Five, I think," he said, before 957 could respond, the Elites attacked. Five gargantuan warriors swarmed over the upturned Warthog, and were immediately met by a fourteen mil rifle round, 292 stated, "Okay, four." 292 glanced over to where the shot came from and saw 289 leaning out of a refinery door. She withdrew back inside before the sharpshooters could get a bead on her.
Samantha-S294 saw the dire situation unfolding, "We should get over there," she said, Zach-G128 responded, "I'll go, you cover me," and he promptly launched himself out of their cover along the wall of the refinery, next to another loading bay. 128 leapt over a guardrail and landed on the vehicle access ramp to the loading bay.
Scimitars Four and Five remained on the landi
My Murderous FriendsDraw your swords you murderous men.My Murderous Friends4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Draw nigh with your arrows dipped in poison.
Let your lying lips come close to my ear.
Let your deceitful eyes meet mine.
The time has come once again.
The time to reveal your true nature.
You live to shed blood, my "friends".
You live to watch me suffer.
Come now, and pierce my heart once again,
with words that slaughter my very soul;
that cause my life to bleed out inside of me,
with rivers of tears that seem to have no end.
Come. Stare at my suffering,
with pitiless eyes that know no empathy;
with lips shaped in joyous smiles.
With laughter and joy, dance around my pain.
Your venomous words penetrate my being.
I stumble from all the pain of your poison.
Light and life is slowly drained.
Shrouding me in darkness
Have I pleased you now my "friends"?
In the midst of my pain, I see you laughing.
Surely my suffering was not in vain,
For you are happy.
The earth is made drunk by my blood.
Blood shed to satisfy your evil thirst.
You wield weapons t
The Transformation Of Waste (A Qit'ah)He was a bad artist, from a good-society family: we fucked in his solarium once.The Transformation Of Waste (A Qit'ah)2 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
I couldn't appreciate his suicide scenes, the ones he painted onto his own skin.
The Clockwork ManNo wind stirred the leaves of the trees; the forest was entirely still save, for the clattering of a young girl. She was hopelessly lost, and been so all day since entering the woods. Her small feet rustled the leaves as she walked on timidly through the trees. Her fine dress was now torn and tattered by clinging brambles and thorns.The Clockwork Man2 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
It seemed to be getting dark, though she could not tell for certain, as the woods seemed to play tricks with the light. In any case, she was now tired and thoroughly hopeless of finding her way out before the sun had set. She sat down against the trunk of a great tree and began to sob.
“What am I to do?” she cried. “I am so lost, I don’t think I could ever get out.”
“I know the way,” croaked a mysterious voice from up above.
Startled, she looked up to see an enormous, gnarled old crow perched in the branches above her.
“Do you really?” she said.
“Of course I do,” the ancient bird replied.