i sometimes think.my face is a little like myi sometimes think.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
heart, beautiful pieces that
add up to an ugly whole
i'm sorry.i am sorry if i am not what you expected.i'm sorry.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i am sorry if i am not slender or cunning or sticking to the schedule or falling into the precision of appointments and the rules of poetry. i am sorry if i am wringing my fingers dry and running out of paper and bleeding ink through my eyelids. i am sorry if i am butchering words and stitching their bleeding pieces into something i can lie and call beautiful. i am sorry that i cant stick to your grammar, your syntax, your expectations, your rules. i am sorry, i tried.
i cant help that i am running barefoot through the grocery store because i forgot my shoes or that i am driving through the fast food drive-through without buying a thing because it at least feels like im driving somewhere. i cant help that i am forgetting to bring you home your medication and sleeping with my back against the grass and tying your requests together to knit a scarf to choke myself with. i cant help it.
i wish i was different. i wish i
i trust you to know.if i could crack my ribs apart at the sternum, id let you dip your fingers beneath the bleached bones.i trust you to know.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
there isnt anyone else id trust enough to not be impatient. there isnt anyone else id trust to not simply cut through the brittle, snarled vines encasing my heart. but i trust you. i trust you to see that the vines need to be unwound layer by layer. i trust you to see that to cut to the quick would only bleed me out. i trust you to know that i cant bear to stain the carpet yet again.
i trust you to see that the thorns are embedded deep, the insecurities tangled with the nervous laughs, that im biting my lip to keep it from trembling, that my palms are bird wings fluttering around my throat to keep the oxygen flowing.
i trust you to see.
and if i balk, if i run terrified back into the thicket, i trust you to follow me quietly, not burying a bullet in my flank, but luring me out with open hands and gentle eyes.
oh, because cant you see? i&
write me a story.If you ask, Ill spin you gossamer-words into the horizon.write me a story.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
Sit next to me and listen to the water gurgle, listen to the creek singing hymns along the bank, the wind humming around us as dusk begins to fall. Sit next to me and rest your eyes, lay down for a moment and let me find words to tuck around you like a blanket. Let me slip into your bloodstream and warm you from the inside out, smoothing the aches and chills out.
Hush, close your lips, let me find your story.
Dont stir when the nightingales begin to call, just relax your muscles one by one. Let my voice burn away the fever and try to find strength in the quiet. I know you are weary, but you dont have to walk much longer. I have a place for you, so stop a minute, put down the weight and breathe. Breathe in the remnants of the night, breathe until your spine is melting and the tension is gone. Breathe until the world has dissolved and all that is left is your pulse enfolding you.
Ill search all night long t
are you willing to risk it?you think you'll surviveare you willing to risk it?5 years ago in Haiku & Eastern More Like This
without loving me, but what
happens if you're wrong
let's run away.lets get out of town. lets steal the neighbors truck and drive it into the ocean. lets melt along desert highways and freeze on mountain ranges. lets fill our lungs with saltwater and wring out our hearts in sundried wind.let's run away.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
trust me, my bags are already packed. i need to sit in the passenger seat with my feet hanging out the window. i need to hold your hand and let the distance fade our problems like a school-yard-eraser. because in that truck cab, there cant be anything but us. there wont be room for our insecurities or mistakes or flaws or regrets. there will just be us.
and thatll be enough. well stop only to get gas and food when we have to. we wont look at a map because there wont be any way to write directions to happiness, well just have to find that on our own. and if it takes months, then at least well be trying, at least well be moving instead of rusting over, instead of turning black wit
delilah whispers secrets.delilah doesn't believe in emergencies, only in miracles.delilah whispers secrets.5 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
she spends twelve hours out of every twenty four practicing the perfect inhale but hasn't quite mastered the exhale, so she'll often spend her days walking around with all of her gold-dust wishes still trapped in her lungs. if you ask she'll just smile, tell you they're immature anyway and if she doesn't mind their company why would she mind them still living at home? she's convinced they'll move out when they're ready to face the world.
delilah thinks cloud watching is exactly how it sounds.
she'd rather be chasing them over the horizon and stuffing them in her pockets, because what's the point in admiring if you're just going to wave goodbye every time? she once tried the same theory with puppies when she was ten and returned the yapping lab with rosy cheeks and every intention to try again. you'll sometimes see her scratching bonnie behind the ears with secrets in her eyes, holding a finger to her mouth if she catches you l
pray she doesn't knowhello,pray she doesn't know6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
i think i scream your name
in my sleep,
because my mother keeps
asking who you are.
she looks at me with knitted brows
and a hand halfway orbiting
i think she is afraid to touch me,
and her eyes look a little funny
when she says your name-
it sounds so wrong, thick and congealed
as it spills from her tongue and
over her teeth.
i want to ask her what i've been saying-
have i been screaming?
i don't know if i should know,
but her half-painted pink fingernails
hover and tremble between us,
and i keep thinking that it is the
same for you and for me;
we are simply drowning and all of nothing
is enough in this graveyard sea.
i think i might need you.stop.i think i might need you.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i need you to put down the pencil and listen to me for a second. i need you to pause your breath and tune to my frequency. because im throwing my heart on the airwaves and i need you to be alive to hear it. i need you to follow my words even when theyre stumbling, tripping, falling on their face.
this is just going to take a second. i promise.
i think you should know that when i woke up today i was tangled in morning breath and your whispers. i think you should know that im dreaming with swollen lips and bleeding cheeks because i keep biting down to stop myself from saying whats on my mind. i think you should know my mouth is betraying me and when i brush it off, what i mean is, please, for the love of everything, know that i am terrified.
and, i think you should know, despite the fact that i am trembling with needs, i dont want it. i dont want to count down the seconds and drag out my day. i dont want to have to constantly dislodge my he
we're chasing sounds_cdear derek,we're chasing sounds_c6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
you are beautiful in the way of parked cars with frosted windows and statues with moss trailing up the leg. you are fascinating but unattainable, with blank-shot eyes and lips that are made to smile but never do. like having a monet turned towards the wall. i think if youd let me i could tug those lips up in the corner, i could warm you from the inside out, i could chip away the ice and turn you belly-side up in the sunlight. i think about it when youre rubbing your hard-angled cheeks or staring at the clock like it means something more than the warm-flesh bodies around you. i dont expect you to let me, but id like to give it a try.
you're just a box of bones with painted on freckles. i am stuck in the vowels when i try to say, "oh, i--" because i can't tell you the truth. the truth is i am a parked car holding the weight of the world and its cars piling up, letters piling up, and clogging emotions. it's letter after lette
i'm choking.i am sitting with smoking nerves andi'm choking.5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
frayed circuit wires, everything i don't
know knotting together for me to choke
if there is a door, i can't find it.
if there is an answer, i'm unaware.
instead i am falling to my knees and
crawling under the smoke, eyes watering
and knuckles bleeding. no closer to the end
than when i had begun.
if i had the courage, i'd crack open your ribs
and get the answer for myself. if i was brave,
i'd simply reach over and pinch the truth from
or i'd just tie my heart to the railroad tracks
and wait for you to save it. wait for you
to cradle it and whisper that the time for
pinched nerves and scraped knees is over.
but i am confused and cowardly, clutching
my chest, palms feebly protecting the only
thing i have left to defend. the only thing i
have left worth guarding.
and the thing that scares me most is not that
you might hurt me. it's not that i might end
up with a scar or a burn or a weeping laceration.
the thing that has me trembling wit
eat me, drink mewell tell me, love-eat me, drink me5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
am i breathing now?
hard enough to shake
windowpanes and turn
moths' whispers into screams.
i think i'm breathing, love,
i think i'm gasping for blue air
and drinking on an empty stomach.
i think my bones can't stop shrinking
and my walk is more of a stagger.
i think i'm breathing, love-
so hard i've become vapor
and the most i can pretend to be
is a stranger on the sidewalk.
love like smoke.sometimes,love like smoke.5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
if you close
you can hear
the sound of
than not, it's a
the timid release
of air into the
but if you
listen hard, you
can still catch
the fluttering of
and dead end
on the tip of
it sounds just
like the pitterpatter
of the ocean's tears,
like salty wishes
apart in the haste
of the wind.
it's the sound of chalk
paintings being chased
away by the rain,
of lost children running
after smoke silhouettes,
of individual fingers
weaving together to
pretend they feel whole.
when i say one day.one day, i'll smile when i remember you.when i say one day.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
if the winds of change have stopped blowing and i find myself tossed out of the gusts, i'll smooth back my hair and sink to the ground. and if it is silent where i sit, i'll close my eyes and face the memories i've been running from. i'll remember the way you ducked your head when you laughed or contorted your face to catch me off guard. i'll remember the way you could slip a word into a conversation that would completely derail me and how you'd use your next breath to scoop me back up. i'll remember the way i was never sure of where i stood with you but how i always knew i didn't want to be standing anywhere else.
that's when i'll lay down on my back and let my thoughts off their leashes for a while. i'll let them yip and howl and run in wild, arcing circles. i'll see your face rising above their writhing forms but that won't surprise me terribly much because you're so often with them.
and it will make me think of the first time you
gamble on me.hey boy,gamble on me.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i think you should know that youre twisting my spine into knots and clogging up my arteries and the least you could do is give me a second of your time. i think you should give me a chance. you should know that you make my hands itch when you smile because i want to brush my thumb over your cheekbones. that my shoulders are trembling because i can imagine them resting against your chest, the idea of the warmth shotgunning straight to my nerves.
i think you should know youre making a relatively sane girl misplace her mind.
and i know youre so much more than youll ever imagine, that you are making me tangle words that once lived tucked safely in my pocket. that my fists are clenched against my legs and my mind is unwound around my skull and youre just tipping jaunty lips without a thought.
you see, ive been bottling this feeling but carbonation is beginning to shove against the cap. and i can feel it fizzing down the sides, leaking out my fing
i can fight gravity.do you really want to know how im feeling?i can fight gravity.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
im breathing his name across my pillow every night. im sleeping with trembling hands uncurled, wishing only for them to be held against his. my mouth is swollen from biting my lip, the words caged inside, moth-wings fluttering against the back of my throat.
im tearing apart dictionaries because none of them have the definition that describes this. im throwing the radio through the window because none of the music feels right. my teeth are on edge and im on a wire. im hanging three hundred feet over a giant x thatll bruise like hell when i swan dive towards it.
and im courting dreams that dont make sense, kicking them down the stairs in the morning and watching them crumple on the floor. because theyre only useful when theyre broken, feeble and silent.
im running as fast as i can with blistered feet. if i dont let this catch me then i can pretend it
i'll come home.dear holly,i'll come home.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
the plane is rolling away and i can still see you waving. you are so beautiful, do you know that? your hair is fluttering at the temples and i can see youre crying, but dont worry, baby, ill be home soon. i know how this looks, the way the door shutting me off is so final, but itll open again and youll be running down the airport terminal and ill be there to catch you.
count the days until i come home, ill be counting them with you.
im home and the house is empty without you. it feels like the walls are exhaling in regret and its a bitter feeling to be surrounded by all this carbon dioxide. i walked into our room and looked at the bed that we bought together last june. all that space made me ache. so i went and grabbed boston and climbed on top of the covers with him. hes such a good dog, charlie, you were right. he just put his massive head on his paws and let me cry in his neck.
when i wa
we're breaking fate.i'm crying but there are no tears; i'm laughing but there is no sound.we're breaking fate.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
music is playing but i can't cage the beat. i'm just sitting in the middle of a wind storm and counting the seconds to sleep. counting the seconds until i fly. counting the seconds until i can see your face again. because your mouth is like whiskey and i'm always under the influence whenever you're around. ohoh, if i had the words, i'd give them all to you in a beat of my stuttering heart. because you always know that everything i want is everything you have and everything i have is already yours.
i can't keep myself from you. i can't keep myself from the flames but i'm going down swinging. i'm going down hard. i'm too close to the fire and too far from the heat. i'm dancing a million miles a minute trying to get your attention but you're too far away to see and i'm sweating blood and bleeding sweat and i just want to be where you are.
remember when we were thirteen? we had hot, dirty hands and innocent eyes and dan
instead of breathing.it's a quarter to three and twenty minutes past any hope for sleep tonight.instead of breathing.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
instead, i am singing to the walls and pulling the stars in to light up the corners in my room. instead, i am writing your name in cursive and whispering secrets in gaelic and pinning my heart to the ceiling because it reminds me that life is beautiful. instead, i am making lists of things i want to tell you, lists of a hundred and two different ways to breathe that still leave me breathless whenever you're around.
instead, i am thinking of things like:
how when you talk, you mold the air between your hands like you're painting a picture that only i can see. how when you listen, you go completely and absolutely still. how ice-blue eyes cut through whatever inhibitions hold me back. how lips curve in a way that beckon me out of hiding to wherever it is you are. how you can seamlessly switch the conversation from a discussion of the black-and-white greats to cowboy brawls. how calloused, scarred fingers can drum
it's not enough.i will never regret running into the freeway.it's not enough.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
if i am gasping for air, pressing my palms against my chest, holding myself together, you will never find me wishing i hadn't done it. if i am sticking my fingers in my sides to staunch the bleeding, limping down gravel roads, barefoot and wild-eyed, you will only see me grimace and smile. tell you it was a hell of a ride. tell you when that car collided with my kneecaps, i tasted heaven in the wind yanked from my lungs.
and you won't ever find me lamenting jumping into the fire.
if i am smoldering and smoking, licking charcoal-lips and spitting out ash, you will never once hear me whispering it would have been better if i hadn't. if i am beating out my own flames, stitching my own sides up, holding my own hand, you will only watch me grit my teeth and laugh. tell you that it was like having my bones dance. tell you that when the fire licked around my torso, i knew what it meant to be alive.
because i know, someday i'm going to find someone
temptation never tasted.if i'm the smoke in the middletemptation never tasted.5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
of the night then you're the fire
that's daring to breathe me into the
stars. and if i'm the steam fogging
up the windows, then you're
the ravaging fingers on sweat-
slicked flesh that's birthing it.
because neither of us are sweet
summer lullabies or gentle may
showers. no, we're nail-bitten
hips and saltwater-lips knocking
over vases and shoving devil-wing
shoulders into the wall. we're
pillaging hunger and insatiable greed,
sinning our way through poetic silence.
we're taking what we want and be
damned what stands in the way.
we're a wildfire tearing down
the forest, a hurricane ripping
the roofs off of the greater
metropolitan area. we're an
unnatural disaster, colliding in
an explosion of sparks and metal.
we're igniting the world until it burns
to the ground, we're wringing out the
ocean. we're standing in the middle
of the dust-hazed war zone we've
created and all we can notice is heat.
the beautiful edge of ugly_c"you know, we are made of ugly things."the beautiful edge of ugly_c5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
"yes, but have you not heard? ugly is the new beautiful. like the way you always seem to pry at my thoughts and know what i'm thinking; the way you make me talk when i really don't feel like parting my lips and lying to you. it's just like the cyanide and razor blades i keep in my medicine cabinet, waiting for the day when i master the definition of defeat."
"then we are the most beautiful thing in the world, because we are spending our days chewing on gunpowder and wilted roses. i spent ten minutes this morning carving your name on the inside of my thigh; somehow, replicating that pain makes me think of you. makes me think of the day when you broke my skin and told me you liked me better when i was coming apart at the seams. i never did tell you, but i've been falling apart ever since."
"i know you've been falling apart, because i've been picking up the pieces i find scattered around. it hurts me more than you would think, but i am
look, she's crying over him.five years ago--look, she's crying over him.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
we were all elbows and sheltered self-esteems. we werent noticing each other except for bumping knees and walking into each other when walking around corners. we were nameless faces in the middle of the dance floor and hesitant hands touching. i was teaching you how to move gawky feet and a stiff spine, you were hitched-laughter fogging over my ear. we were wide eyes and gangly legs and fast music. we were bubble-gum-breath and coca-cola-fingers, breaking apart like nervous colts at the end of the song.
and all the parents said: look, how sweet, shes his first dance.
two years ago--
we were all chewed-on-lips and wrung-together fingers. we were orbiting alone until we crashed blindly together. we were reintroducing with shaking hands and getting swung onto the dance floor with free-falling-breath. you were taller, faster, taking my old moves and spicing them with your own. you were flipping me over your arm and i was hovering my mo
pretty words, dead flowers CLBi want a boy that makes me weak in the elbows.pretty words, dead flowers CLB6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
i want him to drive a red camaro and put pens behind his ear because hes scared hell think of something he needs to say when theres no one around. i want him to never hesitate to hug me from behind or throw me over his shoulder and spin me until i swallow my spine. i want him to mess up my hair and pinch my cheek and then kiss me until my teeth are shaking and my nerves are smoking. i dont know where he is yet, but i know ill find him.
well, i won't make you weak in the elbows, but i can make you weak in your ribcage; i can tame the struggling butterflies and terminate your bloodflow. i don't have a car, but i'd rather take long walks with you across the vivace boardwalk, holding hands or locking lips. there's no pen behind my ears, but there's an eraser in my chest that can erase all your problems if you listen closely. i won't hug you when you cry; i'd save them for beating up the bastard who stole your t