look, she's crying over him.five years ago--
we were all elbows and sheltered self-esteems. we werent noticing each other except for bumping knees and walking into each other when walking around corners. we were nameless faces in the middle of the dance floor and hesitant hands touching. i was teaching you how to move gawky feet and a stiff spine, you were hitched-laughter fogging over my ear. we were wide eyes and gangly legs and fast music. we were bubble-gum-breath and coca-cola-fingers, breaking apart like nervous colts at the end of the song.
and all the parents said: look, how sweet, shes his first dance.
two years ago--
we were all chewed-on-lips and wrung-together fingers. we were orbiting alone until we crashed blindly together. we were reintroducing with shaking hands and getting swung onto the dance floor with free-falling-breath. you were taller, faster, taking my old moves and spicing them with your own. you were flipping me over your arm and i was hovering my mo
write me a story.If you ask, Ill spin you gossamer-words into the horizon.write me a story.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
Sit next to me and listen to the water gurgle, listen to the creek singing hymns along the bank, the wind humming around us as dusk begins to fall. Sit next to me and rest your eyes, lay down for a moment and let me find words to tuck around you like a blanket. Let me slip into your bloodstream and warm you from the inside out, smoothing the aches and chills out.
Hush, close your lips, let me find your story.
Dont stir when the nightingales begin to call, just relax your muscles one by one. Let my voice burn away the fever and try to find strength in the quiet. I know you are weary, but you dont have to walk much longer. I have a place for you, so stop a minute, put down the weight and breathe. Breathe in the remnants of the night, breathe until your spine is melting and the tension is gone. Breathe until the world has dissolved and all that is left is your pulse enfolding you.
Ill search all night long t
i never liked life until.i never liked numbers until i watched you do math.i never liked life until.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
and somehow between the derivatives and the way you made the calculations dance, i fell in love with the logical precision of how they added up, the poetry you weaved on graphs with a pencil behind your ear and a slow smile curling your lips. and when i sat on your lap, counted the kisses, multiplied the desire, divided the distance and subtracted the inhibitions, i decided i might be mathematically inclined after all.
i never liked roller coasters until you took me on one.
and somehow between the buckling down and the gripping your hand as the car shook forward, i fell in love with the stomach-dropping, jaw-aching beauty of letting go and finding yourself flying instead of falling. and when i looked over and saw your grin stretching your face and your quick laugh getting stolen by the wind, i decided that i might like losing control and free-falling after all.
i never liked the rain until you danced with me in it.
and somehow betw
i'm sorry.i am sorry if i am not what you expected.i'm sorry.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i am sorry if i am not slender or cunning or sticking to the schedule or falling into the precision of appointments and the rules of poetry. i am sorry if i am wringing my fingers dry and running out of paper and bleeding ink through my eyelids. i am sorry if i am butchering words and stitching their bleeding pieces into something i can lie and call beautiful. i am sorry that i cant stick to your grammar, your syntax, your expectations, your rules. i am sorry, i tried.
i cant help that i am running barefoot through the grocery store because i forgot my shoes or that i am driving through the fast food drive-through without buying a thing because it at least feels like im driving somewhere. i cant help that i am forgetting to bring you home your medication and sleeping with my back against the grass and tying your requests together to knit a scarf to choke myself with. i cant help it.
i wish i was different. i wish i
dying to feel alive.we are the living.dying to feel alive.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
we are the revolutionaries finding adventures on the tip of our frost-bitten noses, the pirates braving the raging ocean, the radicals setting our veins on fire. we are the buccaneers stealing hearts and leaving names behind, the insurgents tearing apart continents and draining the mighty rivers.
we are the rebels causing riots in the middle of the streets, the mutineers screaming songs at the top of our lungs, the bandits writing poems in all caps or with none at all. we are the ones making rules just to break them, slashing paint across canvases and calling the wounds art, tearing up roses to plant wildflowers because we can't stand to see beauty so trimmed and refined.
we are the ones who believe in beauty that's raw and half-ugly, that's stumbling with scraped-up knees and chapped lips. we are the ones who believe in art that's vulnerable and shaken, that's hoarse and gritty, that's not polished and kept in a vault but covered in sand and strewn across foggy beac
gamble on me.hey boy,gamble on me.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i think you should know that youre twisting my spine into knots and clogging up my arteries and the least you could do is give me a second of your time. i think you should give me a chance. you should know that you make my hands itch when you smile because i want to brush my thumb over your cheekbones. that my shoulders are trembling because i can imagine them resting against your chest, the idea of the warmth shotgunning straight to my nerves.
i think you should know youre making a relatively sane girl misplace her mind.
and i know youre so much more than youll ever imagine, that you are making me tangle words that once lived tucked safely in my pocket. that my fists are clenched against my legs and my mind is unwound around my skull and youre just tipping jaunty lips without a thought.
you see, ive been bottling this feeling but carbonation is beginning to shove against the cap. and i can feel it fizzing down the sides, leaking out my fing
resurrected in the graveyard.sometimes, i think if i drive with the radio loud enough, i can drown my thoughts.resurrected in the graveyard.5 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
i imagine them blue-faced and purple-lipped, clinging to the sharp edges of my imploding mind. i imagine them gasping for air bubbles and clawing at the walls, fingers going limp, feet twitching before they finally release and sink like stone to the mossy floor.
and in this screaming silence, i find peace. in the midst of the howling verse and raging chorus, i find my mind blank to the fury of the storm. i don't think about bleeding stitches or begging hearts. i don't think about drunken kisses with whiskey-fingers prying reality away. i can forget about burying the pain with raucous laughter, can forget about curling into my past with no desire to face my future any longer.
flying down the freeway, deaf and saltwater-blind, i can claw out a cave in the midst of the chaos and crawl inside the emptiness. i can crank the volume up and let my guard down, relax my white-knuckle grip on sanity, my fierce atte
i think i might need you.stop.i think i might need you.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i need you to put down the pencil and listen to me for a second. i need you to pause your breath and tune to my frequency. because im throwing my heart on the airwaves and i need you to be alive to hear it. i need you to follow my words even when theyre stumbling, tripping, falling on their face.
this is just going to take a second. i promise.
i think you should know that when i woke up today i was tangled in morning breath and your whispers. i think you should know that im dreaming with swollen lips and bleeding cheeks because i keep biting down to stop myself from saying whats on my mind. i think you should know my mouth is betraying me and when i brush it off, what i mean is, please, for the love of everything, know that i am terrified.
and, i think you should know, despite the fact that i am trembling with needs, i dont want it. i dont want to count down the seconds and drag out my day. i dont want to have to constantly dislodge my he
i trust you to know.if i could crack my ribs apart at the sternum, id let you dip your fingers beneath the bleached bones.i trust you to know.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
there isnt anyone else id trust enough to not be impatient. there isnt anyone else id trust to not simply cut through the brittle, snarled vines encasing my heart. but i trust you. i trust you to see that the vines need to be unwound layer by layer. i trust you to see that to cut to the quick would only bleed me out. i trust you to know that i cant bear to stain the carpet yet again.
i trust you to see that the thorns are embedded deep, the insecurities tangled with the nervous laughs, that im biting my lip to keep it from trembling, that my palms are bird wings fluttering around my throat to keep the oxygen flowing.
i trust you to see.
and if i balk, if i run terrified back into the thicket, i trust you to follow me quietly, not burying a bullet in my flank, but luring me out with open hands and gentle eyes.
oh, because cant you see? i&
the fear of falling.i'm living my life with fear bubbling up my throat.the fear of falling.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i'm guarding my heart with iron lace and gritted teeth because even the prospect of getting burned is enough to leave me on the porch. i'm trembling like autumn leaves, my spine cracking like an age-worn book, eroding at a hundred words a minute into a pile of rubble that is getting lost in the wind. i'm putting my toe in the water and easing around the edge, keeping my back to the wall and running like hell when i reach the exit.
because i'm pavlov's dog and when that bell strikes, i'm already diving for cover. because your eyes look like an earthquake and i only know one surefire way to avoid falling down the fault line. i can't get hurt if i never play the game, i can't get scarred if i never approach the flame. i'm tasting the arsenic with the tip of my tongue but i'm not able to brave downing the entire bottle. because i've been down this road before and left bloody footprints on my staggering way home. i've been at this cross po
we're breaking fate.i'm crying but there are no tears; i'm laughing but there is no sound.we're breaking fate.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
music is playing but i can't cage the beat. i'm just sitting in the middle of a wind storm and counting the seconds to sleep. counting the seconds until i fly. counting the seconds until i can see your face again. because your mouth is like whiskey and i'm always under the influence whenever you're around. ohoh, if i had the words, i'd give them all to you in a beat of my stuttering heart. because you always know that everything i want is everything you have and everything i have is already yours.
i can't keep myself from you. i can't keep myself from the flames but i'm going down swinging. i'm going down hard. i'm too close to the fire and too far from the heat. i'm dancing a million miles a minute trying to get your attention but you're too far away to see and i'm sweating blood and bleeding sweat and i just want to be where you are.
remember when we were thirteen? we had hot, dirty hands and innocent eyes and dan
show me the meaning.staple my eyes closed and promise me that's the best way to see.show me the meaning.5 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
press your mouth to mine and breathe poison down my throat, bite my tongue until the blood is dripdripdripping a steady path down to my waiting lungs. backhand me when i choke, call me ungrateful when i try to cough it up again. rip reality from behind my lungs and tell me not to bother with it, tell me i'm mistaken and the world is a lie and the only map i'll ever be able to trust is the rotting directions spewing forth from your gilded tongue.
ignore me when i question. get angry when i keep pushing. shove me into the wall and pull the moral fibers from my heart until i forget what right tasted like and am left with the feeling of wrong tattooed between my molars. let me stumble into tar pits of mistakes. don't stop when my hand draws the blade across her breast, don't blink when i continue to hack, when i'm sobbing between blows. turn your cheek when i'm sobbing, when i'm breaking her down, when each lash across her ba
tell me something that mattersyesterday, you were sorting through your pullover sweaters waiting for the winter to come as you thought about how you never feel warm even with your hands tucked into stretched out sleeves. you were wearing your favorite cardigan, buttoned sloppily down the middle so that the sides hung unevenly as you sorted through your even sloppier feelings.tell me something that matters5 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
tell me something that matters.
tonight, youre in love with this wool coat that buttons uneasily and has pockets with holes in them so you lose both your rhymes and your reasons. youre finally realizing that your favorite song is the tune hummed by train horns at 2:40 am since you can hear the sound while you're lying awake thirteen blocks and four houses away thinking about how that was the backdrop to your late night romances in his house that lies parallel to the train tracks. youre convincing yourself that your heart isnt broken and you wear that coat even though it makes you sneeze since its dusty with memori
i'll come home.dear holly,i'll come home.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
the plane is rolling away and i can still see you waving. you are so beautiful, do you know that? your hair is fluttering at the temples and i can see youre crying, but dont worry, baby, ill be home soon. i know how this looks, the way the door shutting me off is so final, but itll open again and youll be running down the airport terminal and ill be there to catch you.
count the days until i come home, ill be counting them with you.
im home and the house is empty without you. it feels like the walls are exhaling in regret and its a bitter feeling to be surrounded by all this carbon dioxide. i walked into our room and looked at the bed that we bought together last june. all that space made me ache. so i went and grabbed boston and climbed on top of the covers with him. hes such a good dog, charlie, you were right. he just put his massive head on his paws and let me cry in his neck.
when i wa
set the broken bones.call me a fool.set the broken bones.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i won't sew your mouth closed, i won't block your path. call me heartless and i'll split open my chest to show you what's pulsing, what's bruised and lacerated and aching like hell but still alive. i'll show you my scars and my burns, i'll turn my neck and show you the jagged slice where i was foolish enough to trust a knife against my throat.
call me weak.
i won't rage against the accusation, i won't deny with vigorous defiance. i'll sit and absorb each and every slur because i know you'll never understand. i'll take the wicked slices and soak them in, my skin cut open and bare. i'll let you paint me into a corner and i won't try to leave. i'll open my hands and stand with my palms facing the sun. i'll sigh and stand with my ribs dropping slowly one by one to my feet.
call me broken.
i won't shake my head, i won't cut off the insults. i'll just lift my shirt and show you where i've staunched the blood. i'll show you the homemade stitches, the places where circumstance
i sometimes think.my face is a little like myi sometimes think.5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
heart, beautiful pieces that
add up to an ugly whole
if you keep getting under.i saw you today and said heyif you keep getting under.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
but what i meant was:
holyhell, youre beautiful. you look like sunshine trapped in mason jars and fireflies stuck in moonbeams. you have a smile that punches straight to the spinal cord, did you know that? i just spent the last five seconds rebooting my heart, training my lungs how to breathe again. exhale, inhale. it should be simple but youve snarled it all in a giant mess. im unwinding the ball of yarn into a straight jacket and youre as unaffected as the sea. id say im a boat but im hardly as sturdy. im a feather. its almost funny how little a chance i have of staying afloat. im soaked and matted and sinking into the undertow. and youre just churning on and on and on.
i saw you today and said how have you been?
but what i meant was:
have you lost as much sleep as i have? ive spent 3256 hours trying to piece together the exact curves that m
i hope you never read this.dear you-know-who-you-are,i hope you never read this.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
you'll probably never read this and if you do, i hope you forget it right away. i hope you think it's about anyone else but you, that you shrug it off and are thinking about something else as soon as you click it [me] away. i hope you don't think about how my heart is still hung up on the hook you planted in it. i hope you don't realize that my thoughts still orbit around you whenever i'm alone and my defenses are down.
but i hope some part of you knows:
i hate you for what you put me through. i hate you for the way i cry in the shower because i feel better not knowing if the water on my face is salty or not. i hate you for the way i drive too fast because speed is the only thing i feel can whisk away your memory. i hate you even more for the way your absence never lasts for long.
i hate you for the way you left without looking back, the casual ease with which you accepted the dissolving of whatever it was we were. i hate you for moving on when i'm stuck in p
love like smoke.sometimes,love like smoke.5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
if you close
you can hear
the sound of
than not, it's a
the timid release
of air into the
but if you
listen hard, you
can still catch
the fluttering of
and dead end
on the tip of
it sounds just
like the pitterpatter
of the ocean's tears,
like salty wishes
apart in the haste
of the wind.
it's the sound of chalk
paintings being chased
away by the rain,
of lost children running
after smoke silhouettes,
of individual fingers
weaving together to
pretend they feel whole.
who said love was beautiful.this is not what you're expecting.who said love was beautiful.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i'm not going to write about the first time we kissed or the first time you whispered something beautiful into my clavicle or the first time we held hands and i swore that the earth shifted under my shoes. i'm not going to write about the first hello or the first goodbye or the first moonrise i watched reflected in your irises.
i'm not going to write about how your eyelashes are spidersilk and your mouth is a song and how when i was weaving the colors of your eyes into a sunset i got lost in the middle. i'm not going to write about how your fingers pluck symphonies above steaming mugs of tea and how looking you in the face is like holding my breath underwater.
i'm not going to write about that.
instead, i am going to write about the first time you dragged your hands through your hair and i noticed that your knuckles were scarred from too many fights and how i wasn't surprised in the slightest. i'm going to write about the time we stood in the kitchen
consider this just one more.i need you to stop needing me.consider this just one more.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
you don't know, but you're living a lie. you're closing your eyes and pretending i'm something i'm not. you're pretending i'm lovely and stable and precious. you're pretending i'm returning this kiss.
you're breathing down my neck and twisting my hair between your fingers, saying we could be something beautiful if i would just slow down. you're swearing we could be a sundust and milky way love story if i would just stop running away all the time.
you're calling me baby, you're calling me darling, you're trying to hold my hand and ignoring the fact that i'm shaking with anxiety. your salty lips keep misfiring and landing on my jaw, your greedy fingers keep tearing my coattails apart.
can't you see? i'm a mistake that you're trying to rearrange into something lyrical, a disaster that you're trying to pretend is miraculous. when really i'm anything but.
in reality i'm knocking down vases and ripping the mona lisa in half, i'm tripping down the stairs and cra
late this october night.right now:late this october night.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
the train is bulleting ten times faster than recommended down the tracks. sparks are cascading as the metal punches sporadic screams through the air. inside the cabin there are taut fingers clawing at the sides of the seats, praying lips asking for salvation as oxygen is whipped from the passengers gaping lungs. a mother is pressing chapped lips to her sons tan forehead, a husband is folding his wifes leathery hand in his for the last time. all chests are expanded and compressed against the back of the seats, hearts imploding as the track dissolves under grinding wheels.
the train rolls on, the screams roll on, the fire rolls on.
death runs rampant late this october night.
the plane is nose-diving through the starless fog. one little girls limp head is leaning against her fathers tense arm, his lips reciting a prayer long ago forgotten. the cabin is silent except for the steady sound of breathing, the sound of cotton on cotton as legs
it doesn't come free.if you want it, you're going to have to catch it.it doesn't come free.5 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
you're going to have to run until your feet are caked with silt and your mouth is burned with wind, until your heart is laboring behind rusted ribs. you're going to have to chase it through sand storms and ocean tantrums and to the edge of the world and over. you're going to have to strip out of your clothes and inhibitions and fear and pride because it's not slowing down. it's not going to idle in anticipation or pause or give you a fair shake. it's going to twist in currents and cut corners and laugh as it's free diving into still lakes.
if you want it, you're going to have to tempt it.
you're going to have to promise with a honeyed tongue and then confess with bare-boned honesty. you're going to have to be cunning and honest, vulnerable and strong. you're going to have to know the art of silence under blue moon stars and the seduction of words breathed through smoke veils. you're going to have to twist poetry from your capillaries an
my little heart of mine.dear little heart of mine,my little heart of mine.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i need you to be brave for me. i know you're trembling on wires and clacking against bird-bone ribs, but i need you to set your teeth and stiffen that upper lip. i know it's scary and we aren't getting any medals for courage any time soon, but i think if we both hold hands and close our eyes, we can get through this.
i need you to know though that this is probably going to hurt.
i'm not saying we'll be bleeding and gasping on the floor. i'm not saying we're going to lock the front gates and shut off the lights and fasten the shutters, but i can't lie to you and say we will be living in eternal sunshine. we won't.
we can't hide behind the wall forever though. if we want to get what we love to dream about, we're going to have to step in the frontline. we're going to have to brave the machine fire and remind ourselves that it's worth it. i promise you, it might be. it might be worth taking the bullet.
and it will be okay, because we aren't the type to simply bre
i'm choking.i am sitting with smoking nerves andi'm choking.5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
frayed circuit wires, everything i don't
know knotting together for me to choke
if there is a door, i can't find it.
if there is an answer, i'm unaware.
instead i am falling to my knees and
crawling under the smoke, eyes watering
and knuckles bleeding. no closer to the end
than when i had begun.
if i had the courage, i'd crack open your ribs
and get the answer for myself. if i was brave,
i'd simply reach over and pinch the truth from
or i'd just tie my heart to the railroad tracks
and wait for you to save it. wait for you
to cradle it and whisper that the time for
pinched nerves and scraped knees is over.
but i am confused and cowardly, clutching
my chest, palms feebly protecting the only
thing i have left to defend. the only thing i
have left worth guarding.
and the thing that scares me most is not that
you might hurt me. it's not that i might end
up with a scar or a burn or a weeping laceration.
the thing that has me trembling wit