look, she's crying over him.five years ago--
we were all elbows and sheltered self-esteems. we werent noticing each other except for bumping knees and walking into each other when walking around corners. we were nameless faces in the middle of the dance floor and hesitant hands touching. i was teaching you how to move gawky feet and a stiff spine, you were hitched-laughter fogging over my ear. we were wide eyes and gangly legs and fast music. we were bubble-gum-breath and coca-cola-fingers, breaking apart like nervous colts at the end of the song.
and all the parents said: look, how sweet, shes his first dance.
two years ago--
we were all chewed-on-lips and wrung-together fingers. we were orbiting alone until we crashed blindly together. we were reintroducing with shaking hands and getting swung onto the dance floor with free-falling-breath. you were taller, faster, taking my old moves and spicing them with your own. you were flipping me over your arm and i was hovering my mo
i'm sorry.i am sorry if i am not what you expected.i'm sorry.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i am sorry if i am not slender or cunning or sticking to the schedule or falling into the precision of appointments and the rules of poetry. i am sorry if i am wringing my fingers dry and running out of paper and bleeding ink through my eyelids. i am sorry if i am butchering words and stitching their bleeding pieces into something i can lie and call beautiful. i am sorry that i cant stick to your grammar, your syntax, your expectations, your rules. i am sorry, i tried.
i cant help that i am running barefoot through the grocery store because i forgot my shoes or that i am driving through the fast food drive-through without buying a thing because it at least feels like im driving somewhere. i cant help that i am forgetting to bring you home your medication and sleeping with my back against the grass and tying your requests together to knit a scarf to choke myself with. i cant help it.
i wish i was different. i wish i
gamble on me.hey boy,gamble on me.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i think you should know that youre twisting my spine into knots and clogging up my arteries and the least you could do is give me a second of your time. i think you should give me a chance. you should know that you make my hands itch when you smile because i want to brush my thumb over your cheekbones. that my shoulders are trembling because i can imagine them resting against your chest, the idea of the warmth shotgunning straight to my nerves.
i think you should know youre making a relatively sane girl misplace her mind.
and i know youre so much more than youll ever imagine, that you are making me tangle words that once lived tucked safely in my pocket. that my fists are clenched against my legs and my mind is unwound around my skull and youre just tipping jaunty lips without a thought.
you see, ive been bottling this feeling but carbonation is beginning to shove against the cap. and i can feel it fizzing down the sides, leaking out my fing
can't promise what you want.i think we can make this work.can't promise what you want.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i think we can too.
but you have to promise me something.
promise me youll never leave the hand soap empty. promise me that when you see the faucet accidently leaking on the counter, youll take a towel and mop it up instead of just shrugging and walking away. promise me you wont leave your jeans rumpled in the hall because they didnt make it all the way into the room.
i cant lie, i cant promise that. but i will promise to never leave your hands empty. i will promise that when your bad day has leaked all over your cheeks, ill take my lips and wipe it away. and i promise that ill never leave your feelings rumpled outside a locked bedroom door.
i can compromise with that.
and can you promise me something?
ill certainly try.
promise me you wont drag me into some
when i say it isn't personal.and if its cold in the middle of the night, you can trust me to burn the building down.when i say it isn't personal.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
if the walls are too tall and the secrets too thick. if you cant breathe past the black souls twisted around ash-lungs then follow me. trust me to start a riot. because we are more than they can handle, because we are smoldering indecently, we are young and heroic and flawed and angry. because we are bleeding hands tearing down doors, we are throwing fists against impassive chests.
we are feeling too much while they arent feeling enough.
and you better believe me: were going to revolt.
and if they try to stop us, we will hurdle their pathetic attempts at blockades. if they try to put us in a box, well stick dynamite in their teeth and blow off the fucking roof. because we are unstoppable, untameable, uncontrollable. we are wildfires and tsunamis and twisters ripping through small town america.
we are clawing down cliff walls and demolishing forests. we are the re
sinning tongues still confess.[one] i just hope that you know that you are beautiful.sinning tongues still confess.6 years ago in General Non-Fiction More Like This
i hope when youre looking into the mirror and are
bemoaning pale cheeks and angled eyes that you know
these are the things that make you the most breathtaking.
and when the ones you trust turn their backs, realize that
they are the ones lacking: not you. i hope you know that
you are intelligent and compassionate and all together
lovely. you are every single thing that every single person
should aspire to be.
[two] i wish you knew how i would fold at the knees like
faded denim if you werent there to hold me up. i wish
i had the words to tell you that youre the one mirror i cant
stand to look at when my own lies are fogged back into my
lungs. youre my strength when im tired, youre my comfort
when im crying and swearing that im not enough, that ill
never be enough. you call me brave, but i know its only
because i managed to swallow and borrow your courage.
[three] we a
i'm choking.i am sitting with smoking nerves andi'm choking.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
frayed circuit wires, everything i don't
know knotting together for me to choke
if there is a door, i can't find it.
if there is an answer, i'm unaware.
instead i am falling to my knees and
crawling under the smoke, eyes watering
and knuckles bleeding. no closer to the end
than when i had begun.
if i had the courage, i'd crack open your ribs
and get the answer for myself. if i was brave,
i'd simply reach over and pinch the truth from
or i'd just tie my heart to the railroad tracks
and wait for you to save it. wait for you
to cradle it and whisper that the time for
pinched nerves and scraped knees is over.
but i am confused and cowardly, clutching
my chest, palms feebly protecting the only
thing i have left to defend. the only thing i
have left worth guarding.
and the thing that scares me most is not that
you might hurt me. it's not that i might end
up with a scar or a burn or a weeping laceration.
the thing that has me trembling wit
i can't see the sky.i hate the word lonely.i can't see the sky.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
it dries out my mouth like i had tried to swallow tumbleweeds, it scratches the back of my throat like i'm trying to regurgitate memories from an empty stomach. it leaves me sitting in the middle of an empty room and wishing the ceiling would cave in because then at least i'd be able to watch the stars.
instead i'm just laying on top of the covers pretending to count them in the drywall and imagining what it would feel like to have your arm behind the curve in my neck. instead i'm closing my eyes and listening to the suction in my veins because i am hollow and caving in. i keep painting you with rich, lush adjectives, but you're just a cardboard pipe dream that falls flat and leaveleaveleaves me without air.
i keep spending my nights sketching your eyes on the ceiling, but i still can't see the moon.
and you know, i keep my hands busy during the day to ignore the faint shaking they do when i know they want to be holding yours. i keep my mouth talking to ignore t
can't wait forever.because, boy, you know im looking for you, but im not sure ill ever find you.can't wait forever.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
im spending my days watching the different eyes that go by but they all have the wrong angle or the wrong shape or theyre a little too gray instead of the blue that i know youll have. there are too many creases where theyve frowned too many times and are a touch too red from too much alcohol when i know youll have at least some idea of moderation. theyre all wrong because theyre not yours.
and im spending my nights listening to the different laughs riding the airwaves but theyre all the wrong pitch or on the wrong frequency or theyre a little too hoarse when i know youll be all smoke. theyre a little too strained because they dont find life funny at all and theyre a little too loud to cover the cheap tongue wagging behind them when i know youre nothing but genuine. theyre making my ears bleed list
we are a sunrise.we are no more than a softly whispered if.we are a sunrise.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
we are smoke rings in the dark, soap bubbles on the lip of the water. we are bright eyes and shy fingers touching through the veil of introductions. we are racing side by side down separate book aisles, not calling out to one another but comforted in the echo of each others' pulse. we are strangers who aren't strange to one another at all, promises scrawled in folded pieces of paper, slipped under door cracks in the middle of the night.
possibilities are glowing iridescent between us, eyes overbright as we dance circles around one another. we're shoved into rooms filtered with sundust, lips praying as palms, fingers caught into oil-dark curls and tracing faintly dimpled cheeks. futures are unwound on the spin of a syllable, one second breaking everything we thought we knew about how our lives would go.
whole existences are leaping forward from the shadows with the power of a freight train, knocking out everything we've ever known to be
i trust you to know.if i could crack my ribs apart at the sternum, id let you dip your fingers beneath the bleached bones.i trust you to know.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
there isnt anyone else id trust enough to not be impatient. there isnt anyone else id trust to not simply cut through the brittle, snarled vines encasing my heart. but i trust you. i trust you to see that the vines need to be unwound layer by layer. i trust you to see that to cut to the quick would only bleed me out. i trust you to know that i cant bear to stain the carpet yet again.
i trust you to see that the thorns are embedded deep, the insecurities tangled with the nervous laughs, that im biting my lip to keep it from trembling, that my palms are bird wings fluttering around my throat to keep the oxygen flowing.
i trust you to see.
and if i balk, if i run terrified back into the thicket, i trust you to follow me quietly, not burying a bullet in my flank, but luring me out with open hands and gentle eyes.
oh, because cant you see? i&
i think i might need you.stop.i think i might need you.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i need you to put down the pencil and listen to me for a second. i need you to pause your breath and tune to my frequency. because im throwing my heart on the airwaves and i need you to be alive to hear it. i need you to follow my words even when theyre stumbling, tripping, falling on their face.
this is just going to take a second. i promise.
i think you should know that when i woke up today i was tangled in morning breath and your whispers. i think you should know that im dreaming with swollen lips and bleeding cheeks because i keep biting down to stop myself from saying whats on my mind. i think you should know my mouth is betraying me and when i brush it off, what i mean is, please, for the love of everything, know that i am terrified.
and, i think you should know, despite the fact that i am trembling with needs, i dont want it. i dont want to count down the seconds and drag out my day. i dont want to have to constantly dislodge my he
i'll be your shooting star.You know how some people spend their entire lives waiting on someone?i'll be your shooting star.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
Yeah, sure. I suppose.
I feel like Im there. When youre staring at the toaster waiting for it to pop, when youre glaring at the pot waiting for it to boil, when youre watching the sky waiting for the star to fall.
Who are you waiting on?
Im not sure to be honest. I dont know his name yet, but I know hes out there.
Whats he like?
Hell be tall because I want to be able to wear high-heels. Hell be smart because I dont want to dumb myself down when Im talking to him. Hell have a sense of humor so hell be able to laugh when I screw up. Hell probably be blonde because I read blondes are attracted to blondes. He wont be perfect but hell be perfect for me.
Sounds specific. Should we have try outs?
What? No. He isnt the
i wish i could.i wish i was a clichei wish i could.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
so my paper heart wouldn't
bleed anything but ink
when i say one day.one day, i'll smile when i remember you.when i say one day.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
if the winds of change have stopped blowing and i find myself tossed out of the gusts, i'll smooth back my hair and sink to the ground. and if it is silent where i sit, i'll close my eyes and face the memories i've been running from. i'll remember the way you ducked your head when you laughed or contorted your face to catch me off guard. i'll remember the way you could slip a word into a conversation that would completely derail me and how you'd use your next breath to scoop me back up. i'll remember the way i was never sure of where i stood with you but how i always knew i didn't want to be standing anywhere else.
that's when i'll lay down on my back and let my thoughts off their leashes for a while. i'll let them yip and howl and run in wild, arcing circles. i'll see your face rising above their writhing forms but that won't surprise me terribly much because you're so often with them.
and it will make me think of the first time you
we set the ship on fire.Youre crazy.we set the ship on fire.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
Most likely. Is that a problem?
I dont know yet. It depends what kind of crazy you are.
You havent figured that out yet?
Im still working on it. Want to give me a few hints?
No, not particularly.
Alright, duly noted: bitch-crazy isnt out of the running yet.
Arent you clever? I think bitch-crazy should be leading the pack.
Its fighting gypsy-crazy for the lead.
Yeah. The kind of crazy that keeps your feet moving even when youre sitting down. The crazy that explains why when I look in your eyes I dont see lakes, but wild oceans. The kind that would explain why youre ten miles ahead of everyone else with no intentions of slowing down.
Its because Im running away half the time.
Away from what? Me?
Maybe. From feeding someone my heart
write me a story.If you ask, Ill spin you gossamer-words into the horizon.write me a story.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
Sit next to me and listen to the water gurgle, listen to the creek singing hymns along the bank, the wind humming around us as dusk begins to fall. Sit next to me and rest your eyes, lay down for a moment and let me find words to tuck around you like a blanket. Let me slip into your bloodstream and warm you from the inside out, smoothing the aches and chills out.
Hush, close your lips, let me find your story.
Dont stir when the nightingales begin to call, just relax your muscles one by one. Let my voice burn away the fever and try to find strength in the quiet. I know you are weary, but you dont have to walk much longer. I have a place for you, so stop a minute, put down the weight and breathe. Breathe in the remnants of the night, breathe until your spine is melting and the tension is gone. Breathe until the world has dissolved and all that is left is your pulse enfolding you.
Ill search all night long t
and when i live.i am sleeping in the middle of wheat fields.and when i live.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i am curled into the soil with the sun filtering through my eyelids and the warmth of the earth pressed against my hip. i am holding my stomach with gentle hands, lips parted to breathe in the sweet air. i am dreaming of feathers running down my spine and of blowing bubbles while running down sloping hills. i am dreaming of kisses at dawn and hands cradling my cheek and laughing over coffee with my best friend.
and when i wake, i am tranquil and serene and peaceful.
and when i wake, i am alive.
i am swimming in the belly of the ocean.
i am twisting in the clever hands of her currents, my hair roping around my waist and seashells trailing up my thigh. i am swallowing saltwater and rinsing out my lungs, letting my sins filter through my skin and disperse into the curling water. i am breathing through gills around my throat and letting my fingers paint symphonies in the seaweed. i am dancing with starbright scales and forgetting the weight of
i can fight gravity.do you really want to know how im feeling?i can fight gravity.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
im breathing his name across my pillow every night. im sleeping with trembling hands uncurled, wishing only for them to be held against his. my mouth is swollen from biting my lip, the words caged inside, moth-wings fluttering against the back of my throat.
im tearing apart dictionaries because none of them have the definition that describes this. im throwing the radio through the window because none of the music feels right. my teeth are on edge and im on a wire. im hanging three hundred feet over a giant x thatll bruise like hell when i swan dive towards it.
and im courting dreams that dont make sense, kicking them down the stairs in the morning and watching them crumple on the floor. because theyre only useful when theyre broken, feeble and silent.
im running as fast as i can with blistered feet. if i dont let this catch me then i can pretend it
you're asking me.if you asked me who i am, i'd probably forget to tell you my name.you're asking me.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
instead i'd tell you that my eyes are blue and i'm shorter than most but taller than some. i'd tell you that i like walking better than driving because feeling the ground under my feet is somehow affirmation that i am alive and that i am connecting to something bigger than me. i'd tell you that i think the sky looks too big at night and not big enough in the morning. i'd probably explain that has something to do with the fact that i wake up with every intention of flying and go to sleep knowing my elbows haven't sprouted wings yet.
but don't worry, i'd say, because i'll wake up hopeful again tomorrow.
and if you were to wait around a little more, i might be persuaded to tell you i'd lost my mind seven years ago and would you be kind enough to help me look for it? i'd probably tell you about the boy with teardrop-eyes who chewed up my heart because he thought it'd be aspirin and was indignant when it burned a hole throug
it's not enough.i will never regret running into the freeway.it's not enough.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
if i am gasping for air, pressing my palms against my chest, holding myself together, you will never find me wishing i hadn't done it. if i am sticking my fingers in my sides to staunch the bleeding, limping down gravel roads, barefoot and wild-eyed, you will only see me grimace and smile. tell you it was a hell of a ride. tell you when that car collided with my kneecaps, i tasted heaven in the wind yanked from my lungs.
and you won't ever find me lamenting jumping into the fire.
if i am smoldering and smoking, licking charcoal-lips and spitting out ash, you will never once hear me whispering it would have been better if i hadn't. if i am beating out my own flames, stitching my own sides up, holding my own hand, you will only watch me grit my teeth and laugh. tell you that it was like having my bones dance. tell you that when the fire licked around my torso, i knew what it meant to be alive.
because i know, someday i'm going to find someone
i never liked life until.i never liked numbers until i watched you do math.i never liked life until.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
and somehow between the derivatives and the way you made the calculations dance, i fell in love with the logical precision of how they added up, the poetry you weaved on graphs with a pencil behind your ear and a slow smile curling your lips. and when i sat on your lap, counted the kisses, multiplied the desire, divided the distance and subtracted the inhibitions, i decided i might be mathematically inclined after all.
i never liked roller coasters until you took me on one.
and somehow between the buckling down and the gripping your hand as the car shook forward, i fell in love with the stomach-dropping, jaw-aching beauty of letting go and finding yourself flying instead of falling. and when i looked over and saw your grin stretching your face and your quick laugh getting stolen by the wind, i decided that i might like losing control and free-falling after all.
i never liked the rain until you danced with me in it.
and somehow betw
if i had the words.you should know, i've never struggled for words before.if i had the words.6 years ago in General Non-Fiction More Like This
i've spent my life welding and mixing them, chopping the corners up to make them be whatever i wanted them to be. but when it comes to you, i always manage to fall short, reduced to hallmark cards and hollow sayings that are trying to be something they will never be. cheap words puffing up their chests and trying to be something grand and sublime. attempting to wear a plastic crown and order the ocean into submission.
so this isn't easy, i'm not weaving words out of thin air.
instead, i'm wrenching them from between my teeth and exposing them to their inaugural sunlight. i'm cracking open my heart and spilling it out, rearranging it into something coherent so that you might understand. so bear with me.
bear with me when i say that my heart is whole today because you have always been patient enough for midnight surgeries. my spine is straight because you were always there for me to lean on. my pride is unwounded because you were ne
try to understand.so, i guess thats that.try to understand.6 years ago in Children and Teen More Like This
i guess it is.
i want you to know that im going to think about you. every night.
i imagine ill think about you too.
ill probably cry in my pillow when our song comes on my shuffle and ill dig up that picture i buried in the back of my closet when i threw away the rest.
why will you keep it?
because we look happy and somewhere down the road ill be happier for having kept it. not at first, because at first its going to sting like hell. which is why ill bury it. but in the middle of the night when i dont have the sun to shine in my eyes and distract me, ill need to look at it and remind myself that the tears are worth it.
i dont want to make you cry.
i know and thats part of the reason why theyll be worth it. you arent stealing them from me, im giving them freely. i wont
my little heart of mine.dear little heart of mine,my little heart of mine.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i need you to be brave for me. i know you're trembling on wires and clacking against bird-bone ribs, but i need you to set your teeth and stiffen that upper lip. i know it's scary and we aren't getting any medals for courage any time soon, but i think if we both hold hands and close our eyes, we can get through this.
i need you to know though that this is probably going to hurt.
i'm not saying we'll be bleeding and gasping on the floor. i'm not saying we're going to lock the front gates and shut off the lights and fasten the shutters, but i can't lie to you and say we will be living in eternal sunshine. we won't.
we can't hide behind the wall forever though. if we want to get what we love to dream about, we're going to have to step in the frontline. we're going to have to brave the machine fire and remind ourselves that it's worth it. i promise you, it might be. it might be worth taking the bullet.
and it will be okay, because we aren't the type to simply bre