can't wait forever.because, boy, you know im looking for you, but im not sure ill ever find you.
im spending my days watching the different eyes that go by but they all have the wrong angle or the wrong shape or theyre a little too gray instead of the blue that i know youll have. there are too many creases where theyve frowned too many times and are a touch too red from too much alcohol when i know youll have at least some idea of moderation. theyre all wrong because theyre not yours.
and im spending my nights listening to the different laughs riding the airwaves but theyre all the wrong pitch or on the wrong frequency or theyre a little too hoarse when i know youll be all smoke. theyre a little too strained because they dont find life funny at all and theyre a little too loud to cover the cheap tongue wagging behind them when i know youre nothing but genuine. theyre making my ears bleed list
i'm sorry.i am sorry if i am not what you expected.i'm sorry.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i am sorry if i am not slender or cunning or sticking to the schedule or falling into the precision of appointments and the rules of poetry. i am sorry if i am wringing my fingers dry and running out of paper and bleeding ink through my eyelids. i am sorry if i am butchering words and stitching their bleeding pieces into something i can lie and call beautiful. i am sorry that i cant stick to your grammar, your syntax, your expectations, your rules. i am sorry, i tried.
i cant help that i am running barefoot through the grocery store because i forgot my shoes or that i am driving through the fast food drive-through without buying a thing because it at least feels like im driving somewhere. i cant help that i am forgetting to bring you home your medication and sleeping with my back against the grass and tying your requests together to knit a scarf to choke myself with. i cant help it.
i wish i was different. i wish i
if you keep getting under.i saw you today and said heyif you keep getting under.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
but what i meant was:
holyhell, youre beautiful. you look like sunshine trapped in mason jars and fireflies stuck in moonbeams. you have a smile that punches straight to the spinal cord, did you know that? i just spent the last five seconds rebooting my heart, training my lungs how to breathe again. exhale, inhale. it should be simple but youve snarled it all in a giant mess. im unwinding the ball of yarn into a straight jacket and youre as unaffected as the sea. id say im a boat but im hardly as sturdy. im a feather. its almost funny how little a chance i have of staying afloat. im soaked and matted and sinking into the undertow. and youre just churning on and on and on.
i saw you today and said how have you been?
but what i meant was:
have you lost as much sleep as i have? ive spent 3256 hours trying to piece together the exact curves that m
i wish i could.i wish i was a clichei wish i could.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
so my paper heart wouldn't
bleed anything but ink
look, she's crying over him.five years ago--look, she's crying over him.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
we were all elbows and sheltered self-esteems. we werent noticing each other except for bumping knees and walking into each other when walking around corners. we were nameless faces in the middle of the dance floor and hesitant hands touching. i was teaching you how to move gawky feet and a stiff spine, you were hitched-laughter fogging over my ear. we were wide eyes and gangly legs and fast music. we were bubble-gum-breath and coca-cola-fingers, breaking apart like nervous colts at the end of the song.
and all the parents said: look, how sweet, shes his first dance.
two years ago--
we were all chewed-on-lips and wrung-together fingers. we were orbiting alone until we crashed blindly together. we were reintroducing with shaking hands and getting swung onto the dance floor with free-falling-breath. you were taller, faster, taking my old moves and spicing them with your own. you were flipping me over your arm and i was hovering my mo
truth flavoured lies_cthe lie about me:truth flavoured lies_c6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i am beautiful like freshly-cut grass and popsicles in the middle of the day. i am summer-lips and winter-teeth, laughing my way through autumn-leaves. i am branding laughter against the back of my throat so i can feel it with every breath i draw in, soaking in your words as i stick them under my tongue and save them for a while. i am living for the moment and dancing without caring whos watching. i am loving recklessly and throwing my heart into the wind with wild abandon. i am calling each scar a beauty mark and opening my arms wide to catch the wind. you are calling me love and i am answering.
the truth about me:
i am ugly like cracked sidewalk and melted popsicles all over calloused hands. i am winter-eyes and cracked-leaf-lips, evaporating along with the polluted ocean. i am branding my mistakes on the back of my eyelids so i never forget but rather dream along the splintering branches of them. i am drowning in the moment and hanging up my da
stolen lips still cry thief.dear you,stolen lips still cry thief.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
id like you to know what it feels like to have my words stripped away:
its like im standing in the middle of the street and youve peeled off my skin and its pouring rain and im steaming but im still not warm. its like youve cut my legs off at the knees and im hobbled and lurching haphazardly after you but i cant catch you because you now have your limbs and mine. it feels a little like that.
and its like having my soul put on display for everyone to see and having you step all over it. its like youre rubbing your toe down and cracking the spine of my dreams, bleeding me out because you thought itd look pretty to nail me to the wall. its like youre laughing and stuffing my stray thoughts in your pockets like fall leaves, not caring for the bits that crack and flutter away. it feels a little like that.
and its like im braving the ocean and youre drilling holes in th
turn your back to the skyhello,turn your back to the sky6 years ago in Scraps More Like This
i cannot talk to you about birthdays,
but i have thought of it and i
do not think i can listen to your
heartbeat because i cannot
rest my heavy head to
i am so sorry i make you cry.
it does not matter if it is not because
you are sad, or if you feel you could
just look down and say,
here is my heart in my hands-
i cannot stop feeling as though i've
ruined you, you beautiful soul.
for you, i would make it rain
until the daisies were undulating
in a thick green ocean.
tell me to stop rummaging through
scraps of paper and the layers of
skin from the back of my hand;
you are of-the-moment and a heartbeat
pressed to my ear. you do not deserve me,
you say. and i know all-too-well that you
are right, because you deserve much more.
turn your back to the treesannie,turn your back to the trees6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
i have no one else to
write to. i am ever-so-sorry
but bleeding words from between
God, i didn't even want to
til they broke.
annie, i just wanted to cry for her and the birch trees.
i felt so scared
and was i still
alive? i wish she
were wrong but she
couldn't be, she knew
but he didn't,
he didn't know
how to feel.
i just love him,
annie, i do.
i am sitting on a toadstool,
ludicrous i feel.
i catch fire to the woods
with the red
i am so afraid
all the time and i think
i have burnt my
house to a pool of
cinders and kindle-
i forget the water
is boiling next to a
cloth until the tea kettle
screams and the
beams lie by my ankles.
i am terrified with
every breath i take,
but i know in
the way my heart
is still beating,
i cannot bear to cry
for her anymore.
when i say it isn't personal.and if its cold in the middle of the night, you can trust me to burn the building down.when i say it isn't personal.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
if the walls are too tall and the secrets too thick. if you cant breathe past the black souls twisted around ash-lungs then follow me. trust me to start a riot. because we are more than they can handle, because we are smoldering indecently, we are young and heroic and flawed and angry. because we are bleeding hands tearing down doors, we are throwing fists against impassive chests.
we are feeling too much while they arent feeling enough.
and you better believe me: were going to revolt.
and if they try to stop us, we will hurdle their pathetic attempts at blockades. if they try to put us in a box, well stick dynamite in their teeth and blow off the fucking roof. because we are unstoppable, untameable, uncontrollable. we are wildfires and tsunamis and twisters ripping through small town america.
we are clawing down cliff walls and demolishing forests. we are the re
write me a story.If you ask, Ill spin you gossamer-words into the horizon.write me a story.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
Sit next to me and listen to the water gurgle, listen to the creek singing hymns along the bank, the wind humming around us as dusk begins to fall. Sit next to me and rest your eyes, lay down for a moment and let me find words to tuck around you like a blanket. Let me slip into your bloodstream and warm you from the inside out, smoothing the aches and chills out.
Hush, close your lips, let me find your story.
Dont stir when the nightingales begin to call, just relax your muscles one by one. Let my voice burn away the fever and try to find strength in the quiet. I know you are weary, but you dont have to walk much longer. I have a place for you, so stop a minute, put down the weight and breathe. Breathe in the remnants of the night, breathe until your spine is melting and the tension is gone. Breathe until the world has dissolved and all that is left is your pulse enfolding you.
Ill search all night long t
i sometimes think.my face is a little like myi sometimes think.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
heart, beautiful pieces that
add up to an ugly whole
i trust you to know.if i could crack my ribs apart at the sternum, id let you dip your fingers beneath the bleached bones.i trust you to know.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
there isnt anyone else id trust enough to not be impatient. there isnt anyone else id trust to not simply cut through the brittle, snarled vines encasing my heart. but i trust you. i trust you to see that the vines need to be unwound layer by layer. i trust you to see that to cut to the quick would only bleed me out. i trust you to know that i cant bear to stain the carpet yet again.
i trust you to see that the thorns are embedded deep, the insecurities tangled with the nervous laughs, that im biting my lip to keep it from trembling, that my palms are bird wings fluttering around my throat to keep the oxygen flowing.
i trust you to see.
and if i balk, if i run terrified back into the thicket, i trust you to follow me quietly, not burying a bullet in my flank, but luring me out with open hands and gentle eyes.
oh, because cant you see? i&
let's run away.lets get out of town. lets steal the neighbors truck and drive it into the ocean. lets melt along desert highways and freeze on mountain ranges. lets fill our lungs with saltwater and wring out our hearts in sundried wind.let's run away.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
trust me, my bags are already packed. i need to sit in the passenger seat with my feet hanging out the window. i need to hold your hand and let the distance fade our problems like a school-yard-eraser. because in that truck cab, there cant be anything but us. there wont be room for our insecurities or mistakes or flaws or regrets. there will just be us.
and thatll be enough. well stop only to get gas and food when we have to. we wont look at a map because there wont be any way to write directions to happiness, well just have to find that on our own. and if it takes months, then at least well be trying, at least well be moving instead of rusting over, instead of turning black wit
i think i might need you.stop.i think i might need you.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i need you to put down the pencil and listen to me for a second. i need you to pause your breath and tune to my frequency. because im throwing my heart on the airwaves and i need you to be alive to hear it. i need you to follow my words even when theyre stumbling, tripping, falling on their face.
this is just going to take a second. i promise.
i think you should know that when i woke up today i was tangled in morning breath and your whispers. i think you should know that im dreaming with swollen lips and bleeding cheeks because i keep biting down to stop myself from saying whats on my mind. i think you should know my mouth is betraying me and when i brush it off, what i mean is, please, for the love of everything, know that i am terrified.
and, i think you should know, despite the fact that i am trembling with needs, i dont want it. i dont want to count down the seconds and drag out my day. i dont want to have to constantly dislodge my he
gamble on me.hey boy,gamble on me.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i think you should know that youre twisting my spine into knots and clogging up my arteries and the least you could do is give me a second of your time. i think you should give me a chance. you should know that you make my hands itch when you smile because i want to brush my thumb over your cheekbones. that my shoulders are trembling because i can imagine them resting against your chest, the idea of the warmth shotgunning straight to my nerves.
i think you should know youre making a relatively sane girl misplace her mind.
and i know youre so much more than youll ever imagine, that you are making me tangle words that once lived tucked safely in my pocket. that my fists are clenched against my legs and my mind is unwound around my skull and youre just tipping jaunty lips without a thought.
you see, ive been bottling this feeling but carbonation is beginning to shove against the cap. and i can feel it fizzing down the sides, leaking out my fing
we're chasing sounds_cdear derek,we're chasing sounds_c6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
you are beautiful in the way of parked cars with frosted windows and statues with moss trailing up the leg. you are fascinating but unattainable, with blank-shot eyes and lips that are made to smile but never do. like having a monet turned towards the wall. i think if youd let me i could tug those lips up in the corner, i could warm you from the inside out, i could chip away the ice and turn you belly-side up in the sunlight. i think about it when youre rubbing your hard-angled cheeks or staring at the clock like it means something more than the warm-flesh bodies around you. i dont expect you to let me, but id like to give it a try.
you're just a box of bones with painted on freckles. i am stuck in the vowels when i try to say, "oh, i--" because i can't tell you the truth. the truth is i am a parked car holding the weight of the world and its cars piling up, letters piling up, and clogging emotions. it's letter after lette
my little heart of mine.dear little heart of mine,my little heart of mine.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i need you to be brave for me. i know you're trembling on wires and clacking against bird-bone ribs, but i need you to set your teeth and stiffen that upper lip. i know it's scary and we aren't getting any medals for courage any time soon, but i think if we both hold hands and close our eyes, we can get through this.
i need you to know though that this is probably going to hurt.
i'm not saying we'll be bleeding and gasping on the floor. i'm not saying we're going to lock the front gates and shut off the lights and fasten the shutters, but i can't lie to you and say we will be living in eternal sunshine. we won't.
we can't hide behind the wall forever though. if we want to get what we love to dream about, we're going to have to step in the frontline. we're going to have to brave the machine fire and remind ourselves that it's worth it. i promise you, it might be. it might be worth taking the bullet.
and it will be okay, because we aren't the type to simply bre
jeremy lives in the present.jeremy is the type of man who is scared that if he falls between the lines of sanity and dreams, he might never find his feet. he is the type of man who runs all the way home in his suit because he thinks hes chased by demons. he swears the only time they fell asleep was when she ran her fingers up and down his piano-ribs.jeremy lives in the present.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
jeremy is the type of man who has always been ten pounds below slender, who has always had hair two inches longer than chic and spiderweb-fingers strong enough to make a woman wonder. he is the type of man who wears clothes that are always this side of wrinkled with his grandfathers watch in one of his pockets. he thinks digital clocks sapped the magic out of time and its no wonder everyone is running late.
jeremy is the type of man who falls asleep listening to the radio with a vodka in his hand. he is the type of man who hears his past in-between the chorus and the verse and would sing along if he could carry a tune. instead he hums along unde
starbucksi sat on the bus and realised asstarbucks6 years ago in Scraps More Like This
a speed bump jostled
brain against bone in a
people were not speaking of
smashing my skull;
no plots were made to pitch
me beneath the churning
wheels, no innate desires to
see my blood spill.
today i would not be
sent to the emergency room,
i would not see the
beautiful emt, he would not
press a button on his watch and
two fingers to my wrist, and
i would not imagine that he pretended
my pulse was raised- not from
blood loss- but from his touch.
my bones would not break,
my body would not bear tire treads
or gorgeous surgical scars.
i would live and breathe and be able to
ask the emt out for a cup of coffee,
only he would order lemonade and i, tea.
we would laugh at the irony, imagine
the puzzled thoughts of the baristas when
they took our orders.
he would touch
my hand and understand that my heart
was leaping under his fingers,
and he would take the initiative and do
what such chemistry often suggests
and kiss me.
i'll come home.dear holly,i'll come home.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
the plane is rolling away and i can still see you waving. you are so beautiful, do you know that? your hair is fluttering at the temples and i can see youre crying, but dont worry, baby, ill be home soon. i know how this looks, the way the door shutting me off is so final, but itll open again and youll be running down the airport terminal and ill be there to catch you.
count the days until i come home, ill be counting them with you.
im home and the house is empty without you. it feels like the walls are exhaling in regret and its a bitter feeling to be surrounded by all this carbon dioxide. i walked into our room and looked at the bed that we bought together last june. all that space made me ache. so i went and grabbed boston and climbed on top of the covers with him. hes such a good dog, charlie, you were right. he just put his massive head on his paws and let me cry in his neck.
when i wa
eat me, drink mewell tell me, love-eat me, drink me6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
am i breathing now?
hard enough to shake
windowpanes and turn
moths' whispers into screams.
i think i'm breathing, love,
i think i'm gasping for blue air
and drinking on an empty stomach.
i think my bones can't stop shrinking
and my walk is more of a stagger.
i think i'm breathing, love-
so hard i've become vapor
and the most i can pretend to be
is a stranger on the sidewalk.
it's not enough.i will never regret running into the freeway.it's not enough.6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
if i am gasping for air, pressing my palms against my chest, holding myself together, you will never find me wishing i hadn't done it. if i am sticking my fingers in my sides to staunch the bleeding, limping down gravel roads, barefoot and wild-eyed, you will only see me grimace and smile. tell you it was a hell of a ride. tell you when that car collided with my kneecaps, i tasted heaven in the wind yanked from my lungs.
and you won't ever find me lamenting jumping into the fire.
if i am smoldering and smoking, licking charcoal-lips and spitting out ash, you will never once hear me whispering it would have been better if i hadn't. if i am beating out my own flames, stitching my own sides up, holding my own hand, you will only watch me grit my teeth and laugh. tell you that it was like having my bones dance. tell you that when the fire licked around my torso, i knew what it meant to be alive.
because i know, someday i'm going to find someone
our sleeping patterns collide.I wake up tired.our sleeping patterns collide.6 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
I wake up tired and it's afternoon again.
I wake up tired and I am alone.
It's like every night i fall asleep with you on my mind, and I quickly sort through my thoughts leaving the prettiest ones on top so I can try them on in the morning. So everyday, I wake up and try on being in love with you. Except every morning, it's three inches too big or a centimeter and a half too small or it's brushing my kneecaps like it's too long. But I wear it anyways, since I'm used to being a shade left of ordinary or two steps past crazy. I'm used to wearing love and I'm used to you.
I'm used to falling asleep next to you and waking up alone.
You call me.
You call me adorable and I like it.
You call me your own and it feels like a fairytale.
We spend the weekends curled up on iced lakes like mirrors, scratching our stories into their frozen surfaces, and you write about adventures you'll never have and places you'll never go with a girl I wish I could always be. And I write about
pretty words, dead flowers_ci want a boy that makes me weak in the elbows.pretty words, dead flowers_c6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i want him to drive a red camaro and put pens behind his ear because hes scared hell think of something he needs to say when theres no one around. i want him to never hesitate to hug me from behind or throw me over his shoulder and spin me until i swallow my spine. i want him to mess up my hair and pinch my cheek and then kiss me until my teeth are shaking and my nerves are smoking. i dont know where he is yet, but i know ill find him.
well, i won't make you weak in the elbows, but i can make you weak in your ribcage; i can tame the struggling butterflies and terminate your bloodflow. i don't have a car, but i'd rather take long walks with you across the vivace boardwalk, holding hands or locking lips. there's no pen behind my ears, but there's an eraser in my chest that can erase all your problems if you listen closely. i won't hug you when you cry; i'd save them for beating up the bastard who stole