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if i'm not living with youmy eyelashes are tied into knots and my lips are stapled together. i’m laying in the middle of the floor and i’m realizing that my hips are disintegrating from lack of use. my knees are knocking together and melting, my shoulder blades are flying towards one another but never touching. and my throat is simply rusting over from all the sea air i’ve been gulping trying to keep my lungs from suicide jumping.if i'm not living with you4 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
{i cannot live without you, my body can’t stand the abuse of neglect}
my eyes are turning to salt and dissolving down my cheeks, burning the cracks in my chapped lips, leaving white traces along my jaw. my hair is snarl
can't you hear me?xx.can't you hear me?4 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
you are beautiful even if you can’t see it. you are flesh pulled-tight over needles-and-thread ribs and eyes fogged over with your latest drug. you are a drunk tongue and a loose smile, butterfly fingers thrumming on your thigh because you’re too medicated for them to not be doing something. you are waterlogged from drowning in your insecurities for so long, moth-eaten from rotting in the back of the closet of your addictions.
but you are beautiful. because under the fog you are flickering like a single firefly. because you’re just trying to hide his acidic criticism under your translucent skin. and i know you can open ch
this one's for you.because you are keeping my legs from folding.this one's for you.4 years ago in General Non-Fiction More Like This
because when i am tired, i am leaning on you, when i am sad, i am crawling into your comfort. because you are hooking my lips and pulling them into a smile, building a fire in the belly of my soul and warming me from the inside out.
because when i am lost, you are pointing in the right direction, when i am shaking, you’re holding my hand and whispering it will be alright.
and because when i’m incoherent you’re closing your eyes and saying my rambling sounds a little like a creek. because when i’m jumping from thought to thought without leaving a trail, you’re laughing a
paper bridges_cdear jamie,paper bridges_c4 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i’m looking out my window and watching the world come down in icy slivers and it’s making me think of that time when we ran down the road with nothing on but our swimsuits and laughter. we used to share everything. our clothes, our make-up, our books, our stories, our weaknesses, our time. now we just share memories and folded paper. but don’t worry, four years and we’ll be back on the same street and these letters will bridge the gap that distance tried to carve. we’re stronger than that.
oh, i almost forgot to tell you! this morning i saw a guy that looked just like that ac
can't wait forever.because, boy, you know i’m looking for you, but i’m not sure i’ll ever find you.can't wait forever.4 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i’m spending my days watching the different eyes that go by but they all have the wrong angle or the wrong shape or they’re a little too gray instead of the blue that i know you’ll have. there are too many creases where they’ve frowned too many times and are a touch too red from too much alcohol when i know you’ll have at least some idea of moderation. they’re all wrong because they’re not yours.
and i’m spending my nights listening to the different laughs riding the airwaves but they’re all the wrong
if you keep getting under.i saw you today and said ‘hey’if you keep getting under.4 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
but what i meant was:
‘holyhell, you’re beautiful. you look like sunshine trapped in mason jars and fireflies stuck in moonbeams. you have a smile that punches straight to the spinal cord, did you know that? i just spent the last five seconds rebooting my heart, training my lungs how to breathe again. exhale, inhale. it should be simple but you’ve snarled it all in a giant mess. i’m unwinding the ball of yarn into a straight jacket and you’re as unaffected as the sea. i’d say i’m a boat but i’m hardly as sturdy. i’m a feather. it’s almost funny how li
try to understand.“so, i guess that’s that.”try to understand.4 years ago in Children and Teen More Like This
“i guess it is.”
“i want you to know that i’m going to think about you. every night.”
“i imagine i’ll think about you too.”
“i’ll probably cry in my pillow when our song comes on my shuffle and i’ll dig up that picture i buried in the back of my closet when i threw away the rest.”
“why will you keep it?”
“because we look happy and somewhere down the road i’ll be happier for having kept it. not at first, because at first it’s going to sting like hell. which is why i’ll bury it. but in the middle of the night
when i say it isn't personal.and if it’s cold in the middle of the night, you can trust me to burn the building down.when i say it isn't personal.4 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
if the walls are too tall and the secrets too thick. if you can’t breathe past the black souls twisted around ash-lungs then follow me. trust me to start a riot. because we are more than they can handle, because we are smoldering indecently, we are young and heroic and flawed and angry. because we are bleeding hands tearing down doors, we are throwing fists against impassive chests.
we are feeling too much while they aren’t feeling enough.
and you better believe me: we’re going to revolt.
and if they try to stop us, we will hurdle
can't promise what you want.“i think we can make this work.”can't promise what you want.4 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
“i think we can too.”
“but you have to promise me something.”
“within limits.”
“promise me you’ll never leave the hand soap empty. promise me that when you see the faucet accidently leaking on the counter, you’ll take a towel and mop it up instead of just shrugging and walking away. promise me you won’t leave your jeans rumpled in the hall because they ‘didn’t make it’ all the way into the room.”
“i can’t lie, i can’t promise that. but i will promise to never leave your hands empty. i will promise that when your
gamble on me.hey boy,gamble on me.4 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i think you should know that you’re twisting my spine into knots and clogging up my arteries and the least you could do is give me a second of your time. i think you should give me a chance. you should know that you make my hands itch when you smile because i want to brush my thumb over your cheekbones. that my shoulders are trembling because i can imagine them resting against your chest, the idea of the warmth shotgunning straight to my nerves.
i think you should know you’re making a relatively sane girl misplace her mind.
and i know you’re so much more than you’ll ever imagine, that you are making me tangle w
pretty words, dead flowers_ci want a boy that makes me weak in the elbows.pretty words, dead flowers_c4 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i want him to drive a red camaro and put pens behind his ear because he’s scared he’ll think of something he needs to say when there’s no one around. i want him to never hesitate to hug me from behind or throw me over his shoulder and spin me until i swallow my spine. i want him to mess up my hair and pinch my cheek and then kiss me until my teeth are shaking and my nerves are smoking. i don’t know where he is yet, but i know i’ll find him.
-
well, i won't make you weak in the elbows, but i can make you weak in your ribcage; i can tame the struggling butterflies and te
let's run away.let’s get out of town. let’s steal the neighbors truck and drive it into the ocean. let’s melt along desert highways and freeze on mountain ranges. let’s fill our lungs with saltwater and wring out our hearts in sundried wind.let's run away.4 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
trust me, my bags are already packed. i need to sit in the passenger seat with my feet hanging out the window. i need to hold your hand and let the distance fade our problems like a school-yard-eraser. because in that truck cab, there can’t be anything but us. there won’t be room for our insecurities or mistakes or flaws or regrets. there will just be us.
and that’ll be enough. we
i'm breathing without lungs.don't apologize. i can't breathe. i collapsed on the stairs at a quarter to two and i haven't found my feet yet. please help me up. please push me down. i think i'm letting my lungs collapse. i think i just spit up saltwater. is the carpet staining? i need you to grab my hand. i need you to hold my lungs together. i need you. i need you.i'm breathing without lungs.4 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
is it night yet? i can't see the stars. i can't feel the wind. my skin is numb and my eyes are on fire and i'm sitting in the middle of a room without windows and i can't breathe. why aren't you listening? can't you hear me? i'm choking on regrets. i'm choking on my spine. i'm coughing up alcohol from last n
sinning tongues still confess.[one] i just hope that you know that you are beautiful.sinning tongues still confess.4 years ago in General Non-Fiction More Like This
i hope when you’re looking into the mirror and are
bemoaning pale cheeks and angled eyes that you know
these are the things that make you the most breathtaking.
and when the ones you trust turn their backs, realize that
they are the ones lacking: not you. i hope you know that
you are intelligent and compassionate and all together
lovely. you are every single thing that every single person
should aspire to be.
[two] i wish you knew how i would fold at the knees like
faded denim if you weren’t there to hold me up. i wish
i had the words to tell you that you’re
our core connects_cjared,our core connects_c4 years ago in General More Like This
i don’t know why i’m writing this except for it’s midnight and you always liked this hour best. dylan is asleep in the other room and sometimes when he snores i swear it sounds like you. it burns my lungs to listen to it, because when i close my eyes, i can pretend you’re here and that in thirty seconds you’re going to groan and throw your arm over my waist and sleepily nuzzle my neck like you always did.
i can’t spend many nights awake because of it.
i can’t believe i’m telling you this. you are such a bastard, you know that? you’re the only person in the world who eats up my heart like
i'll come home.dear holly,i'll come home.4 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
the plane is rolling away and i can still see you waving. you are so beautiful, do you know that? your hair is fluttering at the temples and i can see you’re crying, but don’t worry, baby, i’ll be home soon. i know how this looks, the way the door shutting me off is so final, but it’ll open again and you’ll be running down the airport terminal and i’ll be there to catch you.
count the days until i come home, i’ll be counting them with you.
love,
me
+
dear charlie,
i’m home and the house is empty without you. it feels like the walls are exhaling in regret and it’s a bitter feeling
look, she's crying over him.five years ago--look, she's crying over him.4 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
we were all elbows and sheltered self-esteems. we weren’t noticing each other except for bumping knees and walking into each other when walking around corners. we were nameless faces in the middle of the dance floor and hesitant hands touching. i was teaching you how to move gawky feet and a stiff spine, you were hitched-laughter fogging over my ear. we were wide eyes and gangly legs and fast music. we were bubble-gum-breath and coca-cola-fingers, breaking apart like nervous colts at the end of the song.
and all the parents said: ‘look, how sweet, she’s his first dance.’
two years ago--
we were all che
i wish i could.i wish i was a clichei wish i could.4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
so my paper heart wouldn't
bleed anything but ink
it's not enough.i will never regret running into the freeway.it's not enough.4 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
if i am gasping for air, pressing my palms against my chest, holding myself together, you will never find me wishing i hadn't done it. if i am sticking my fingers in my sides to staunch the bleeding, limping down gravel roads, barefoot and wild-eyed, you will only see me grimace and smile. tell you it was a hell of a ride. tell you when that car collided with my kneecaps, i tasted heaven in the wind yanked from my lungs.
and you won't ever find me lamenting jumping into the fire.
if i am smoldering and smoking, licking charcoal-lips and spitting out ash, you will never once hear me whispering i
i think i might need you.stop.i think i might need you.4 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i need you to put down the pencil and listen to me for a second. i need you to pause your breath and tune to my frequency. because i’m throwing my heart on the airwaves and i need you to be alive to hear it. i need you to follow my words even when they’re stumbling, tripping, falling on their face.
this is just going to take a second. i promise.
i think you should know that when i woke up today i was tangled in morning breath and your whispers. i think you should know that i’m dreaming with swollen lips and bleeding cheeks because i keep biting down to stop myself from saying what’s on my mind. i think you should
stolen lips still cry thief.dear you,stolen lips still cry thief.4 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i’d like you to know what it feels like to have my words stripped away:
its like i’m standing in the middle of the street and you’ve peeled off my skin and it’s pouring rain and i’m steaming but i’m still not warm. it’s like you’ve cut my legs off at the knees and i’m hobbled and lurching haphazardly after you but i can’t catch you because you now have your limbs and mine. it feels a little like that.
and it’s like having my soul put on display for everyone to see and having you step all over it. it’s like you’re rubbing your toe down and cracking the spine of my dr
you've stolen my health.you’ve spent the last few months winding yourself in neat bows around my tongue. so that when you smile i find it snarled and tangled behind my teeth, twisting inexplicitly against the roof of my mouth. i find it hobbled and tripping, the words coming out in odd jerks and stumbling phrases.you've stolen my health.4 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i have always been articulate but when your mouth twitches into that crooked grin, i find that you have stolen my tongue and left me mute and wide-eyed in your wake.
+
and you’ve done an excellent job of lodging yourself in the air bubbles of my joints. so that when you touch the small of my back, i find my knees giving out and my arms going l
and when i live.i am sleeping in the middle of wheat fields.and when i live.4 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i am curled into the soil with the sun filtering through my eyelids and the warmth of the earth pressed against my hip. i am holding my stomach with gentle hands, lips parted to breathe in the sweet air. i am dreaming of feathers running down my spine and of blowing bubbles while running down sloping hills. i am dreaming of kisses at dawn and hands cradling my cheek and laughing over coffee with my best friend.
and when i wake, i am tranquil and serene and peaceful.
and when i wake, i am alive.
+
i am swimming in the belly of the ocean.
i am twisting in the clever hands of her currents, my h
i know i'm reckless.i know it’s not easy loving a tumbleweed of a woman.i know i'm reckless.4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
[but you’re still hot on my trail when the rebel stars shine.]
i know your fingers sting from snagging them on wild-rose-thorns.
[but you’re still holding my hand and ignoring the trickling blood.]
i know it bruises when you get tangled in barbed-wire-smiles.
[but you’re still kissing my lips and calling me beautiful.]
i know you get tired chasing my vagabond-heart.
[but you aren’t trying to hobble my nomad-feet.]
i know you blame yourself when i crackle and explode.
[but you aren’t letting me see you cry when you piece me back together.]
and i know
Sta.sh
