Damn Hogwarts Rules~~~ Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts ~~~Damn Hogwarts Rules7 years ago in Fan Fiction More Like This
1. Any resemblence between Dementors and Bin Laden is coincidental.
2. It is a bad idea to slip Professor Snape a powerful love potion.
3. Growing marijuana or cannabis plants is not an extra credit project for Herbology.
4. I should refrain from putting on Death Eater robes, a Death Eater mask and suchlike and go up to Professor Snape, and say, "Dude! Voldemort wants to kill you, he's found out!"
5. I am not allowed to lock Gryffindors and Slytherins in the Room of Requirement and see who comes out alive and who looks like theyve had a right shag.
6. Professor Flitwick's first name is NOT Dobby, no matter how short he is!
7. "OMFG!" is not a spell.
8. I will not refer to Professor McGonagall as 'My Goggly Goo-Goo!" or "McGonalds! McGonalds!"
9. I will not arrange an Aurors meeting in Malfoy Manor OR Nettos!
10. I will not begin Care of Magical Creatures class by singing, 'Can you dance the hippogriff' by the Hobgoblins in a bold voice,
Encyclopedia NoobtanicaNoob as defined in the Spooksters Dictionary: Noun; "a rude/crude/rascist/stupid/and probably illiterate asshole/bitch/bastard/SOB/cunt/fucktard/dumbassed piece of shit."Encyclopedia Noobtanica8 years ago in Humor More Like This
Following are eighteen different varieties of noobs.
1. THE BAD GRAMMAR NOOB
Probable age: Any.
Probable sex: Either.
Fucktardedness: Low to high.
Info: Easily the most common type of noob, these people appear unnable or unwilling to submit to the rule of grammar, spelling, or punctuation. You may spend several moments trying to decipher whatever the hell it is that the person actually said. An example: "im in ur bas kilin ur dudz."
2. THE SQUEEKER
Genre: Any genre with voice support.
Probable age: 8-13
Probable sex: Male.
Info: Imagine the most high-pitched child you can. Now imagine that child shrieking vulgarities and vague threats and insults at you over the headset. Where the fuck are this kids parents?
3. "IT'S THE LAG, I SWEAR!" NOOB
Raptor Jesus' Bible.In the Beginning, God created the heavens and the Earth. And we all know the story from there.Raptor Jesus' Bible.6 years ago in Humor More Like This
In the Period of Cretaceous, God grew distasteful of the Dinosaurs' wicked ways. (Actually, after a few billion years He was royally Bored and wanted to screw with the most intelligent life-forms available at the time.) So he descended unto a Virgin Raptor and made her lay a single egg.
This was long before anyone ever figured out the connection between mating and babies, so no one really gave a damn.
God commanded the virgin raptor to name her son Jesus. And so she did.
Jesus hatched, and his hatching was marked by a volcano erupting and wiping out the nests of nearly all other raptors. When He realized this, he promptly ran away and wandered in the desert, living a raptory life for 18 years, until he turned 32.
Raptor Jesus returned, gathering Thirteen followers of all species, and they wandered around doing stuff, fighting evil, and saving Prostisaurs. (That's their story and their stickin
Survive- Chapter 1Kat crouched down, watching as one of the infected humans took a bite out of another staff member. The woman screamed, trying to beat the zombie off, but the noise brought more Green Flu victims towards her. It reminded the hiding teen of a cook ringing a bell yelling, 'Come and get it!'Survive- Chapter 15 years ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
As the sound of ripping flesh filled the air as the infected dug into their meal, Kat dashed to the other side of the practically empty Wal-mart in a half crouch. She had removed her hightops as a safety precaution, for, as the last underpaid staff member had displayed, the infected were attracted to noise.
The sports, camping, and firearms areas were empty, much to the brown haired girl's relief. Going to the camping isle with her backpack open, she quickly took several freeze dried meals, a survival and first aid kit in a can, magnesium fire starter, two lighters, and a box of food bars.
"Everyone laughed at me when I said that I would go to Wal-Mart when the apocalypse happened, but guess who's aliv
rocknrollaPeople ask the question... what's a RocknRolla? And I tell 'em - it's not about drums, drugs, and hospital drips, oh no. There's more there than that, my friend. We all like a bit of the good life - some the money, some the drugs, other the sex game, the glamour, or the fame. But a RocknRolla, oh, he's different. Why? Because a real RocknRolla wants the fucking lot.rocknrolla6 years ago in Horror More Like This
December Waters poemDecember Waters poem7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Cutting through a thickening fog
a dreary day of yesteryear
I squelched across the shallow bog
in hopes for guidelights to appear
A light I saw, not from a lantern
Ghostly shadows played across
the smokey whispers floating like phantoms
from under the mulshy water's moss
And from the under, sleething forward,
a nebulous shape with empty eyes
Cold fish fingers pulling my breath toward
itself, turning me to stone inside
something's rising, something's sinking
pale darkness, neverblinking
you spell 'love' incorrectly.i have scars on my face,you spell 'love' incorrectly.1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
you have bruises on your knuckles,
and here i am
for hurting your hand.
I Hate LoveI hate love.I Hate Love8 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
They tell you love is just amazing and wonderful and fills you with joy.
Well I’m calling their bluff: That’s bullshit.
Love tears you apart, makes you cry and hit the walls. It makes you think these thoughts that you never would have before and feel what you never have before.
It hurts just so much and you can never fully recover from it.
But the reason I hate it the most, is that it scares me. The unknown, the putting full faith in this person and saying: “Yes this is the one person that I will let be my absolute destruction.”
It’s beyond terrifying. Love is just too powerful and so easily damaging.
That’s why I can’t stand it.
The AuthorWriters paint pictures that painters can't.The Author1 year ago in Philosophical More Like This
Meeting UpYou: so...Meeting Up1 year ago in Short Stories More Like This
You: I was thinking
You: maybe we could y'know
You: meet up in person, soon
Your heart pounds as the 'Sean is typing...' message in the chat box appears and lingered for what felt like an eternity.
Sean: I'd thought you'd never ask. How about we get some dinner tomorrow?
Tomorrow! Such short notice, but you've been chatting with this guy for months now. Things have been going so well, you'd do anything to see him.
You: sure! I'd really love to
You: just name the time and place and I'll be there
Your words project confidence, but behind the keyboard your fingers tremble. It's been a long time since you've felt a connection this strong with someone. So many nights chatting into the wee hours of the morning, so many discovered common interests. He could really be the one, as cheesy as that sounds.
Sean: Alright, I know a great steakhouse down on State. Meet me there at like 6?
You: sounds per
Big Girls of Skyrim 2In the Sleeping Giant Inn of Riverwood...Big Girls of Skyrim 22 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
Delphine had finally received her call to arms. So many years after the Blades disbanded, when the White-Gold Concordot first came into place, it was finally time for her to pick up her blade again and charge into the battlefield. With the return of Alduin and the revival of the Dragons, all of Skyrim was in great danger. The Dovahkiin may have taken care of the Dragons' leader, but they still existed in Skyrim, ever present in the skies above. Delphine had been working as a innkeeper in Riverwood for years, and while she had grown to appreciate her quiet life, she knew she would never forgive herself if she just stood by as the fire-spewing monsters raged across her beloved land. It was a Blade's duty to battle the winged beasts, after all.
Delphine turned to her lone employee and said, "Orgnar, I want you to watch the inn for me for a while."
"You going out somewhere?"
"Alright, then. Be careful."
Delphine entered the only
Well Fuck You TooI'll give a middle finger to the world,Well Fuck You Too3 months ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
And show you my dark side.
I'll never give you a pretty smile,
Never again will I try to hide.
You've ruined my teenage dreams,
But I wont let you ruin my pride.
I've woken up and cant be calmed,
I have a demon deep inside.
Don't you tell me to calm down,
I've been calm for too long.
I have the right to raise my voice,
I will sing my own song.
You go ahead and try to stop me,
Tell me that I'm wrong.
Go ahead and try to silence me,
But I wont stay where I don't belong.
Scream at me, tell me I'm crazy,
Don't you think I know already?
Scream at me, tell me I'm crazy,
But I've got a dream holding me steady.
Swing at me, make things hazy,
Don't worry about me, I know I'm ready.
Swing at me, make things hazy,
But I've got a dream holding me steady.
His wordsAnd if, perhaps one day,His words6 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
His words weigh any weight,
They might just leave a scratch
SocialisingBottles and cans pile into mountainsSocialising3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Surrounded by rivers of vomit.
Bodies lie in coma'ed messes
As no coherrent soul is left.
Socialising to the max.
All I can do is laugh.
The urge to kick them is overwhelming.
So helpless and defenseless.
No sympathy, only mocking laughter.
I hope you enjoy your hang over.
Stupid idiots, you have no idea.
How many of you made a huge mistake?
How many started something they can't finish?
This is your idea of fun?
Please leave me out of it.
Maybe its just me.
Maybe I haven't been gripped by the urge,
The pull that drunken oblivion offers.
Call me what you will, I don't care.
Atleast I'll be fine in the morning.
Can you say the same?
Return to the Immobile Dimension - SSBBW Emmi woke up after a deep and refreshing sleep. She thought that it must be really late in the day. That worried her at first, because waking up late and not getting anything done was bad. But as the haze of dreaming dissipated, she remembered that the feeling was from a past life on a past world. Waking up at noon or later was the privilege of the beautiful, and she strangely but proudly was counted among them. Though back on Earth, she had thought of herself as ugly because of what she perceived as her fatness, it was clear now that her mind had been shrouded in a terrible deception. Her fatness on Earth had not even been a scintilla of fatness. Coming here had been like stepping out of a black and white world and into one of vivid color. With a cultivated sense of laziness and gluttony, she had transformed what she thought of as her fat body into one which was truly fat. Emmi was most proud of how consisReturn to the Immobile Dimension - SSBBW1 year ago in Short Stories More Like This
Dear HomophobiaDear Homophobia,Dear Homophobia9 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Come a little closer
Let me whisper in your ear
Let me tell you something
That I want you to hear
Protest me all you want
In a loud or quiet voice
I just wanted you to know
Being gay is not a choice
There are other things to fear
Scarier than me
It's obvious that you don't care
You're blind and cannot see
Take that blind fold off your eyes
And take a look around
The world is full of people like me
And are willing to say it loud
We are repulsive in the mind
We are fearful at the touch
All I want you to do
Won't take very much
Leave us alone
Take the angry mob away
Will always be hear to stay
You cannot get rid of us
However, you can try
Taking away our rights
Is not going to make us cry
Things like this don't bother us
We learned not to care
This is our world too
So learn how to share
This letter will end
From the members
Of the LGBT
My Pretty NecklaceI found a pretty necklace, hanging from a tree.My Pretty Necklace1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
A little voice inside, says that it was meant for me.
I try it on for size, but it feels a little loose.
Perhaps a little tighter, now I'm hanging from my noose.
She + She"I like how our feminine gazes cross, from dawn till twilightShe + She1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
This honeyed voice of her, every time
She says she's deeply fond of me. Mellifluous sounds.
The way we roll up in the green watered grass, innocently
Our burning hands melt under our youth's sun beams.
After years of wandering, I'm conviced
I finally found how I should live.
Her arm around my pleased waist."
said Laura, with an indelible grin on her chubby face.
"I especially liked our fortunate meeting
I remember everything, every purple clouds among morning mist
Sprites sowed seeds of love on my path.
When I saw her, one word bolted in my stunned mind,
This stunning aura of her, just left me speechless
Spring butterflies in my stomach,
Each new sapphire moon with this girl is a gift."
said Charlotte, tightly holding her darling's hand.
"A dyke? Meeeh it shouldn't exist, th
Taste of LoveMy mouth salivates over your words.Taste of Love3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
They are sweet like sugar,
Dancing around mouth in blissful ecstasy.
I hear them sing a melody of excitement,
A rejoiceful, upbeat tune of fulfillment.
They're perfect, and leave me craving more.
They flood my mouth with a river of happiness,
The rich flavor is one of adventure and surprise.
It's like none other than I've experienced before.
I shudder as it caresses my mind,
Delicate and smooth.
It assures me it is here to stay,
And leaves me surprisingly satiated.
My body tingles from top to bottom.
I feel your words.
Oh, do I feel them.
I am renewed within them.
The whole experience has left me awestruck,
As I almost forgot to return this feeling to you.
I take another moment, along with your hands,
Look into those big beautiful eyes.
And give to you what you have given to me.
"I Love You"
Incy, Wincy SpiderIncy, wincy spider climbed up the water spout.Incy, Wincy Spider10 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
Down came the bleach and washed the spider out.
Out came the spider's guts, they shrivelled in the rain;
And incy, wincy spider never climbed again.
I Am Kept Alive By Soulless ThingsI put both of our lives in danger when I came back.I Am Kept Alive By Soulless Things4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Someone had to keep the roaches from shitting on your pipe.
It's important to remember that everyone was beautiful once.
You used to let me hold your hair back when your head was in the toilet.
There was vomit in your curls that night and I'm tired of trying to forget.
I look at the scar on my arm and think about when you broke the mirror.
You were out of it when you sliced me open and you couldn't stop laughing.
I was so proud of you for making it through half of an NA meeting.
That was two years ago and I'm still too young to have to deal with this.
My biggest fear was that you would never get old.
Today I found out that the devil isn't real.
I thought I sold my soul so that you could find happiness.
As it turns out, it's the only thing I didn't give up for you.
I had to be the one to find you that night.
Where would I be if you hadn't forced me to watch the entirety of your collapse?
After all, I waited a long time to meet a girl w
Tick, TockTo be honest, from the first day we met I knew you were going to be important to me. I don't usually get struck by people the way you struck me. Now it's more like the way you make me tick and I'm sitting here wondering if you even look at the clock. Tick, tock, tick, tock. That's the sound of seconds thrumming by alongside my heartbeats. I can't help but think that I might love you and how ridiculous a thought to have. How am I supposed to know this when I don't even trust myself? I'm second-guessing, under-estimating, and over-thinking. I just get lost in the way your touch takes control, causing me to lose any capacity to think, at least rationally. It's like the whole world vanishes and I'm sinking into your skin like sand. You take me away from anything real and that thrills me because I'm foolish and it scares me because it does. My common sense has dissapeared in your arms and my worry in your smile. That's why it pains me to be this patient and I don't know if it will ever be wTick, Tock3 years ago in Emotional More Like This