if you keep getting under.i saw you today and said hey
but what i meant was:
holyhell, youre beautiful. you look like sunshine trapped in mason jars and fireflies stuck in moonbeams. you have a smile that punches straight to the spinal cord, did you know that? i just spent the last five seconds rebooting my heart, training my lungs how to breathe again. exhale, inhale. it should be simple but youve snarled it all in a giant mess. im unwinding the ball of yarn into a straight jacket and youre as unaffected as the sea. id say im a boat but im hardly as sturdy. im a feather. its almost funny how little a chance i have of staying afloat. im soaked and matted and sinking into the undertow. and youre just churning on and on and on.
i saw you today and said how have you been?
but what i meant was:
have you lost as much sleep as i have? ive spent 3256 hours trying to piece together the exact curves that m
gamble on me.hey boy,gamble on me.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i think you should know that youre twisting my spine into knots and clogging up my arteries and the least you could do is give me a second of your time. i think you should give me a chance. you should know that you make my hands itch when you smile because i want to brush my thumb over your cheekbones. that my shoulders are trembling because i can imagine them resting against your chest, the idea of the warmth shotgunning straight to my nerves.
i think you should know youre making a relatively sane girl misplace her mind.
and i know youre so much more than youll ever imagine, that you are making me tangle words that once lived tucked safely in my pocket. that my fists are clenched against my legs and my mind is unwound around my skull and youre just tipping jaunty lips without a thought.
you see, ive been bottling this feeling but carbonation is beginning to shove against the cap. and i can feel it fizzing down the sides, leaking out my fing
Shooting stars'Today I decided to give up.'Shooting stars5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
'What do you mean, on what?'
'On you, on myself. I decided tying silk ribbons on dead branches doesn't bring them back to life and there's no use in trying to fill in the blanks to all the things you never say.'
'But I do care about you.'
'I know, and somewhere in a parallel world I care about you. We're rocks tossed on a surface that never breaks and I'm tired of being the sound effects to an unmade film. You won't understand this, and I don't expect you to, but the walls turned to dust the second I started believing, And I keep dragging my fingers across the dirt and telling myself I'll find what's missing, when really, I have mud under my nails and scratches on my knees and the realization that we looked prettier on paper than we ever would in the real world.'
'You know I've tried right? I have all along.'
'I guess you did and it's my fault. Or maybe you should've chased me down the halls until I stopped struggling long enough to find the reason behind
seasons change, we never do_cIt is always on winter mornings that I miss her most. Snow crunches under my feet, the only sound breaking the silence, the darkness surrounding me. I long to brush the coldness out of her hair, kiss the snowflakes off her lips. I imagine holding her close and keeping her warm through the night. But words, long frozen, would never tumble out of my mouth when she was around.seasons change, we never do_c5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
It is on winter nights that I forget him the best. When the world is painted white and I am nothing but a black speck tossed in the midst of it. I can dance until I am blind, until I dont see anything but the red ribbon of my lies spinning out my teeth. I can dance until thats gone too and he isnt anywhere I am hiding. He once told me I was beautiful and I cant remember if Ive ever heard anything more sad.
It is on spring afternoons that I remember how she used to sing out loud. She never had trouble with words like I did. She danced to the beat of her own melody, stopping f
i can fight gravity.do you really want to know how im feeling?i can fight gravity.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
im breathing his name across my pillow every night. im sleeping with trembling hands uncurled, wishing only for them to be held against his. my mouth is swollen from biting my lip, the words caged inside, moth-wings fluttering against the back of my throat.
im tearing apart dictionaries because none of them have the definition that describes this. im throwing the radio through the window because none of the music feels right. my teeth are on edge and im on a wire. im hanging three hundred feet over a giant x thatll bruise like hell when i swan dive towards it.
and im courting dreams that dont make sense, kicking them down the stairs in the morning and watching them crumple on the floor. because theyre only useful when theyre broken, feeble and silent.
im running as fast as i can with blistered feet. if i dont let this catch me then i can pretend it
the truth never killedand thats whenthe truth never killed5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
i looked you
in the eye
and told you
that i am
a dead end.
the girl they hold
in the middle of
the oh-honey-you-taste-so-good, the
lost and falling,
looking at the pieces
without seeing the whole
whole picture scars.
and i am
living without skin,
living without skin
so even the air burns.
letters to me.dear five-year-old-me,letters to me.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i hope you know that life is a gift. i hope that when you walk out on the back patio and see the hills and the deer and the creek you know that life is marvelous. i wish for you to run through the mud and roll around with your dog and climb up trees with bleeding knees. i hope for nothing more than for you to swing until your legs are tired from pumping and your hair is snarled in knots around your face.
and listen to me: i know it isnt always easy. i know that you cant eat american cheese because you were born with high-cholesterol, i know you have to share your room and your sister broke your favorite doll. and i know it hurts when they sell your horse, when your dog dies, when you move away from everything youve ever known.
but youre five, you're resilient.
life will continue to bless you.
i hope you know that you are beautiful. i hope that when you look in the mirror you dont lament over round c
if good things cause pain.i woke up today, brushed my teeth and sewed my heart onto my sleeve.if good things cause pain.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
you told me you liked it there best. i havent told you that it hurts when the wind and your callous words scratch at it because beauty is pain, right? sometimes, i think that love is pain too, but you havent broken the skin yet so i must only kind of love you. like how you say i am kind of right some of the time and kind of wrong most of it.
this morning you told me that i am the definition of ordinary, never falling into extremes but muting myself out in subtle grays and wide eyes. you said im not ugly but certainly not beautiful, not stupid but certainly not smart and not wrong for you but no where near right.
i believed you.
you drew my outline in chalk on the street today.
you bit your lip when you were done and said it wasnt your masterpiece but you were saving that for when you had enough experience to know what you were doing. i didnt tell you that i think art is best when you&
late this october night.right now:late this october night.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
the train is bulleting ten times faster than recommended down the tracks. sparks are cascading as the metal punches sporadic screams through the air. inside the cabin there are taut fingers clawing at the sides of the seats, praying lips asking for salvation as oxygen is whipped from the passengers gaping lungs. a mother is pressing chapped lips to her sons tan forehead, a husband is folding his wifes leathery hand in his for the last time. all chests are expanded and compressed against the back of the seats, hearts imploding as the track dissolves under grinding wheels.
the train rolls on, the screams roll on, the fire rolls on.
death runs rampant late this october night.
the plane is nose-diving through the starless fog. one little girls limp head is leaning against her fathers tense arm, his lips reciting a prayer long ago forgotten. the cabin is silent except for the steady sound of breathing, the sound of cotton on cotton as legs
i dont understandhave you ever woken up and not thought anything at all?i dont understand5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
somtimes i find myself thinking that 'it'd be fun to go and stand out in the rain' so i do. but once i'm out there i find myself thinking, 'wouldn't it be invigorating to take off my clothes' so i do. but once i've done that, i find myself thinking 'wouldn't it be beautiful to climb on the rooftop', so i do. and then once i'm standing there, i find myself thinking, 'wouldn't it be magical to fall in love' and so i try. i try and try and try but i can't. and so there i am, standing naked on my rooftop in the rain trying to fall in love.
sometimes i find myself imagining that all we are made of is the same thing that makes us always face the same way in the shower. i think sometimes we're made of the things that tell our brain to go outside, to run. i think we're made of the same thing that makes us left or right handed, and the same thing that allows some people to kick a ball and others to not be able to. but then i realise, w
promise to play this on silenthellopromise to play this on silent5 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
just promise me youre listening.
since once you get used to being ignored for long enough, its nice to pretend that you could be something. that you could say something that matters. and that somewhere, someone is listening. and for now, ill make believe that youll make everything better. that the air will taste like sunshine even though its been raining for days. or that my heart isnt disconnected and that maybe my lips will get the message. or even that for the next two and half minutes youll love me.
ill make believe.
ill make believe you.
ill make believe you care.
just promise me youre leaving.
i know that once you get used to being nothing, its nice to pretend that you can actually be somebodys something. the problem is you cant or rather, i cant. since i have this disappearing sickness, and ive been pretending for the last sixty three and a half days that
i'm injecting this love song.dear ribs,i'm injecting this love song.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
thank you for protecting what i hold most precious. thank you for blocking the bigger blows, absorbing the momentum with a shock and a shudder. i know it isn't easy to stand guard, but i breathe easy knowing you're there to shield me. maybe someday i'll unlock you at the clavicle and open you up, but for now: stay strong.
thank you for never complaining when i shove you into all my messes. thank you for working through the worst of the damage, straightening up my mistakes with surgical precision. i know it's hard working solo but i have such confidence in you. maybe someday we'll find someone that'll fill up your empty spaces, but for now: keep the faith.
thank you for being there when i'm carving apologies between your vertebrae. thank you for stiffening when i want nothing more than to melt to the ground. i know you'd rather go limp instead of working all the time, but when i can't trust myself, i'm leaning on you. maybe someday we'll find som
we weren't broken.michael,we weren't broken.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
we were innocent first kisses and dancing in the fireflies in the middle of the night. we were hushed calls when the rest of the world was sleeping and holding hands under the table when we thought no one was looking. we were piggy back rides and laying in the grass in the middle of the night counting the stars. we were beautiful. naïve, but beautiful.
and we ended in tears and broken glass roses you had snuck into my carry-on luggage. we ended with cut-off phone lines and i-never-want-to-speak-to-you-again. we ended with not broken hearts, but with our hearts first scar. i never told you then, but ill tell you now:
thank you for teaching me loves simple beauty.
thank you for preparing me for what was to come.
we were friendship blossoming in the heat of sunlight. we were sunflowers following the beauty across the track of day, sweet text messages and hesitant kisses broaching the lines we had carefully drawn. we were pushing fear aside and jumpi
graveyard haunt.ten minutes before, and you are holding my hands in concrete parking structures. cars are melting into gray, obscure oblivion and i can taste your heart on the wind. you are whispering words that sound like blank storybooks, pressing truths into my clenched, desperate fists. you kiss my chest and kiss my fingers and you kiss my lips and you kiss my salty eyelashes. i am shaking and pleading and you are straightening my spine. you are a whisper and you are the wind and you are a face in the backseat window. you are taking my humanity and you are leaving my hunger and you are planting needs in my pores and letting me deal with the oncoming weeds. i am dug into the asphalt of the abandoned structure and my leaves are falling to scatter over the rusting cars. i am alone and i can't taste anything but goodbye. i am alone and my veins are cracking for want of water. i am alone and life is a faded dog-eared memory sinking into tidepools in the back of my mind. i am alone and nothing remains bgraveyard haunt.4 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
puzzle pieceswhen i close my eyes, i go back.puzzle pieces4 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
sometimes, if i try hard enough, i can even convince myself it's real.
the sky is empty. it's like an endless blue abyss of nothingness, dotted only by the sun, hanging effortlessly above us - perfection in its simplest form.
it's warm, and our hands are intertwined between us as we lay in the grass watch the silhouettes of birds cut through the blue canvas of the sky. i hear the air stir through the tall trees in my yard, and suddenly there is a refreshing breeze that skims our exposed skin and brings us back, reminds us of the reality around us.
i turn to face you, and in your eyes i can see the sun's reflection tangled with the brown flecks of your irises. we don't speak, but you lift yourself from the grass and press your lips gently to mine, and i can feel your lips slowly upturn to a smile, and i realise you make me happier than i've ever been before.
you were an ethereal epitome of everything i've ever wanted.
and i miss you.
Then and NowSomeday, you'll be able to tell him.Then and Now5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
(You'll both be several years older.
You'll both have jobs. A home. A family)
You'll finally be able to say;
"Hey. I loved you."
And you will mean it, and you will speak in past tense, instead of present, so he can go home to his kids (the ones you babysit every Saturday) and you can still be friends.
(Because he will have forgotten that time you told him there really was no such thing as a past tense "loved". He will have forgotten the time you told him that it was just a comfort word; a word made up by people in couples therapy trying desperately to make it okay to not-be-okay anymore, to make it okay to say goodbye. Or not. That you never really stop loving someone, though you may desperatly wish you could.)
He will have forgotten,
how to tell when you're lying.
she was everyoneshe wrote useless phrases on her wrists andshe was everyone4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
hipbones because she wanted to be
she would count her ribs under the
sheets wondering what she might do if there was suddenly
one less than the night before.
she wanted to find meaning in the smell of rain
and the darkness of her room but
the only place she found truth was at the bottom
of the beer bottle and the space
between his hands and inside of her thighs.
she was bitter that it was only beer she could stomach -
it seemed she could not even be beautiful in the
destroyed lost sense of the word.
she couldn't get to sleep before
scabs that were prone to bleed appeared on
her knees and feet.
she was afraid of dying then, when she bled and
no one noticed.
she became sick of veiled comparisons, metaphors for
symbols that did not explain what she was seeking.
she wanted to tell someone that when she said
she felt like burning down her house,
it did not mean
i am angry at my parents for raising me poorly and
i trust you to know.if i could crack my ribs apart at the sternum, id let you dip your fingers beneath the bleached bones.i trust you to know.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
there isnt anyone else id trust enough to not be impatient. there isnt anyone else id trust to not simply cut through the brittle, snarled vines encasing my heart. but i trust you. i trust you to see that the vines need to be unwound layer by layer. i trust you to see that to cut to the quick would only bleed me out. i trust you to know that i cant bear to stain the carpet yet again.
i trust you to see that the thorns are embedded deep, the insecurities tangled with the nervous laughs, that im biting my lip to keep it from trembling, that my palms are bird wings fluttering around my throat to keep the oxygen flowing.
i trust you to see.
and if i balk, if i run terrified back into the thicket, i trust you to follow me quietly, not burying a bullet in my flank, but luring me out with open hands and gentle eyes.
oh, because cant you see? i&
it's written in your veins.it's twelve to midnight when i frown with my eyes, forty-eight past sanity when i smile with my lips. as i'm standing in the ocean, waist-deep in murky thoughts, toes dug in coral i arch my neck and watch the stars burn like hellfire. i imagine that they burn in me too, that somewhere buried behind my lungs or stuck between my ribs, stars are smoldering. i splay my hands on my chest and i can feel the heat, each individual fire warming my palms until the milky way starts melting through my pores. the galaxies are filtering through my skin, strewn across the top of constellation-water and in comet-tail whispers they say:it's written in your veins.5 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
"i'd like to save you, i'd like to think i could, but my breath's busy breaking down the ozone layer
and my darling, my dear, i'm sorry but you're just going to have to wait."
my lungs are turning inside out and my spine is an aging willow that's falling to meet the aquatic embrace. i imagine life is a metaphor and i'm just a run-down adjective trying to keep up.
set the broken bones.call me a fool.set the broken bones.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
i won't sew your mouth closed, i won't block your path. call me heartless and i'll split open my chest to show you what's pulsing, what's bruised and lacerated and aching like hell but still alive. i'll show you my scars and my burns, i'll turn my neck and show you the jagged slice where i was foolish enough to trust a knife against my throat.
call me weak.
i won't rage against the accusation, i won't deny with vigorous defiance. i'll sit and absorb each and every slur because i know you'll never understand. i'll take the wicked slices and soak them in, my skin cut open and bare. i'll let you paint me into a corner and i won't try to leave. i'll open my hands and stand with my palms facing the sun. i'll sigh and stand with my ribs dropping slowly one by one to my feet.
call me broken.
i won't shake my head, i won't cut off the insults. i'll just lift my shirt and show you where i've staunched the blood. i'll show you the homemade stitches, the places where circumstance
dying to feel alive.we are the living.dying to feel alive.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
we are the revolutionaries finding adventures on the tip of our frost-bitten noses, the pirates braving the raging ocean, the radicals setting our veins on fire. we are the buccaneers stealing hearts and leaving names behind, the insurgents tearing apart continents and draining the mighty rivers.
we are the rebels causing riots in the middle of the streets, the mutineers screaming songs at the top of our lungs, the bandits writing poems in all caps or with none at all. we are the ones making rules just to break them, slashing paint across canvases and calling the wounds art, tearing up roses to plant wildflowers because we can't stand to see beauty so trimmed and refined.
we are the ones who believe in beauty that's raw and half-ugly, that's stumbling with scraped-up knees and chapped lips. we are the ones who believe in art that's vulnerable and shaken, that's hoarse and gritty, that's not polished and kept in a vault but covered in sand and strewn across foggy beac
i never liked life until.i never liked numbers until i watched you do math.i never liked life until.5 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
and somehow between the derivatives and the way you made the calculations dance, i fell in love with the logical precision of how they added up, the poetry you weaved on graphs with a pencil behind your ear and a slow smile curling your lips. and when i sat on your lap, counted the kisses, multiplied the desire, divided the distance and subtracted the inhibitions, i decided i might be mathematically inclined after all.
i never liked roller coasters until you took me on one.
and somehow between the buckling down and the gripping your hand as the car shook forward, i fell in love with the stomach-dropping, jaw-aching beauty of letting go and finding yourself flying instead of falling. and when i looked over and saw your grin stretching your face and your quick laugh getting stolen by the wind, i decided that i might like losing control and free-falling after all.
i never liked the rain until you danced with me in it.
and somehow betw
pretty words, dead flowers CLBi want a boy that makes me weak in the elbows.pretty words, dead flowers CLB5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
i want him to drive a red camaro and put pens behind his ear because hes scared hell think of something he needs to say when theres no one around. i want him to never hesitate to hug me from behind or throw me over his shoulder and spin me until i swallow my spine. i want him to mess up my hair and pinch my cheek and then kiss me until my teeth are shaking and my nerves are smoking. i dont know where he is yet, but i know ill find him.
well, i won't make you weak in the elbows, but i can make you weak in your ribcage; i can tame the struggling butterflies and terminate your bloodflow. i don't have a car, but i'd rather take long walks with you across the vivace boardwalk, holding hands or locking lips. there's no pen behind my ears, but there's an eraser in my chest that can erase all your problems if you listen closely. i won't hug you when you cry; i'd save them for beating up the bastard who stole your t
things i should have told him.she doesn't believe him when he tell her she's beautiful.things i should have told him.5 years ago in Teen More Like This
all she is is a mess of tired eyes and shaking hands knotted together in her lap. she is tangled hair that he can't put his fingers through and scarred knees he can't fix. she is scared and crying and she wants to be able to tell him but she won't. she is tear stained blankets and endless, sleepless nights. she is ugly and she hates who she has become.
she can't admit she's writing about herself. she writes in third person because it makes her believe its someone else that stares at their wall, trying to steady their breath at night. she writes lies because she thinks maybe if its disgustingly beautiful enough people might tell her it affected them. she wishes she could affect people in a way that would leave them feeling happy. joyful even. she wants to be able to make people's lives better. all she can seem to do though, is make them worse.
he tells her he loves her. she says 'i know' but she doesn't. she hasn't got the sl