I've been scribbled out ~ lost it all in the fight ~
at one point I even forgot what I was fighting for.
But I do know this: they are all gone. I am not sure if I just misplaced my pencil or someone else won my words ~ as if they are stapled to some random wall with a pretty blue ribbon and I am left with an honorable mention plaque made from Paper Mache.
Or maybe it is me that is scribbled out. Someone has taken their dulled pencil in fist and rubbed the paper raw, rubbed it right through until all that is left is a huge hole and the desk is covered with a thick layer of lead.
Is that all I am? lead on plywood? Someone's stick figure to delete at their whim?
I dont know.
Its been one of those days weeks years
She promises it will get better.
Or she would if she knew how to word it without coming across cliché.
Either way I understand. That part at least. The rest well Im going to see if I can find a new pencil and
I wasn't alwaysI wasn't always so cold,I wasn't always6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I used to be warm and tender,
But that was before ...
My heart used to race,
at an unusual pace.
Now it lumbers slowly.
I used to love the spring,
with it's songs of life and promise.
Now everyday is winter.
I remember those hot nights,
when everything felt so right.
Now your side of the bed is cold.
At least it matches my heart.
The Truth of the MatterHow can one word shatter my muse?The Truth of the Matter6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
One sentence, one word,
like one ugly rock thrown at stain glass window and all is gone,
shattered into a million unfixable pieces.
I meant it in jest but you took it for truth. When I turned to ask you why,
you were gone.
I loved you you know this. You said you loved me but the tendril
which held us together was more fragile than I thought.
Now its gone.
The saddest part is that was years ago.
Time healed my wounds or at least (eventually) filled the emptiness
with suitable substitutions.
I still miss you
I loved you. More accurately, I love you still.
Id take you back in a heart beat,
faster then the sound of tiny pieces of glass sprinkling over the floor.
On bended knee, my bloodied and bruised knee, begging for forgiveness,
Id take you back,
I miss you.
I need you.
Romeo BurningRomeo BurningRomeo Burning6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Im sorry, you whisper
yet even your apology burns.
There is no part of me left untouched;
reduced to less than whole by evil men spurned.
I came that day as a dancing farce
hidden behind laughter and mask
I caught sight of unforgettable beauty
and was born that day to lifes new task.
It was beautiful at first breath
no matter what the aftermath assumed.
Others more cruel had no plan for this;
It was a love burned before it bloomed
To dust and sky would be my prayer,
to give in to deaths sweet call.
Body and soul stripped, raw and burning
nothing left unaffected after preordained fall.
I ask this of thee, my blessed one adored,
look away from my disfigured shell.
Remember instead I was always yours
even before casting of true loves spell.
The flames engulf what was once man
and horrific cries abated
Evil men presumed they won the day
but none can stop whats fated.
The night reigns, flames burn higher
and with thi
InteruptedInterupted6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I didnt realize youd be here.
I was just going to
Well, no. Honestly, I dont know what I was going to do.
I was thinking of you and how much I missed you.
how much I lost
You were very dear to me, back ... back before I did that thing.
You still are even though well, you know.
Honestly, I didnt think youd be home.
I just ... I just needed a tactile remembrance of you.
I really do miss you.
Sorry I left the marks on y
Contradiction of ConditionsA Contradiction of Catastrophic ConditionsContradiction of Conditions6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Tumultuous as a flash summer storm I am spilt out;
the permanent stain on your otherwise spotless record.
Filled with great need but empty as the vast chasm
I am the choice you want to ignore but never can forget.
Shattered from your carelessness,
Desolate from your departure,
Uneven from the merciless tears in my spirit,
and Undone from the sudden incompleteness left behind.
Never will I be fully healed
every day I give thanks for the damage you fashioned.
One day Men of knowledge will say I could have said no and then they will argue why I did not. There will be no answer for their endless yet intellectual questions.
It was my choice to accept your invitation and I can blame no one; not even myself.
I drank from your devastation and wallowed in the lonely negations.
I am all and nothing
I am unsavable yet satisfied
I am yours yet never can be again
You will hate me forever and I am the only one who will ever truly l
Break my HeartThe tears of a child.Break my Heart6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The end of a civilization.
The wingless butterfly.
The marred masterpiece.
Disappointment in a mothers eyes.
A needless death.
Who were you?Who were you that I would be less adequate?Who were you?6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
What secrets hath you empty skull
who stares back at me with empty eyes
and mocking smiles?
I shudder lest it be my own secret you whisper in the day
where I cannot hold closed your fleshless jaw.
You were past king, same as I in present.
I thought we equal yet you intimidate me so.
Who were you that I would be less adequate?
You judge my every decision,
regarding them less than my standing
all the while refusing to offer better ruling.
Had you lungs, wouldst you whisper plans of subterfuge
or scream debasing vitriol?
I would hide you away except for fear of your retribution.
Therefore, between long moments of silent contemplation between you and I, I keep you tucked at my side.
Perhaps someday you shall deem me worthy and share secrets of your own.
Twisted PeaceI am the unexpected shiver on a sunny day. The catch in your breath when there should be only laughter.Twisted Peace6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Darkened eyes settle longingly over happy scenes, as I sit alone here on this bench, lost in a world altogether distant.
Transposed and misplaced I am merely a fragment of what you knew.
Sunlight races across fields of green, but all I see is the shadows as they sway and dance to untimely rhythms.
There is only grey here. I miss the colors; even black would be a welcome relief from the dull haze.
The wind blows softly, cooling in its passing the heat of the day, but all I feel is the deadened weight of my heart.
My tears are gone, left behind when I stepped off the cliff leaving no note or apology. I endure my consequence alone, understanding too late the true meaning of finality.
Those dreams and nightmares which haunted me are shattered, littered in the blood red diamonds, lost in the breath, in the wind.
The whirling of the dark clouds
Accountability PartnersYou told me to tell but I didnt know you didnt mean it.Accountability Partners6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
How was I to know it was just candy coated garbage?
It wasnt what you wanted but truths verses lies struggle in the here and now.
Before us in the arena of life they tussle as we watch behind thin glass.
Truth stings and lies respond with soothing coats of false peace.
Truth drives a wedge between us as lies pull you to another.
You lied even as you begged for the truth.
The lie has eaten the truth so the matter is moot.
I pray youre happy with your needle studded lie as it worms its way into you.
You came back to me and I took you back because I thought you had left me.
I see the truth now. I left you because you could not handle my honesty.
Don't touch me.
You glass has shattered but you have no knowledge of it.
I want no part of your evil worm though shards make my skin itch.
Deep Copper NeedDont look away.Deep Copper Need6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I need you here.
Ive said it before but it feels so right.
I want to claw out my eyes.
I want to feel the stinging pain as the nails bite into and drag along my flesh.
I want to feel the life as it rolls down my cheeks and into my mouth.
I want to run my tongue along my lips, tasting the warm copper as I smile.
I want to hear your dismayed astonishment.
Not that any of it matters.
Im too much of a prideful coward to do any of it.
Instead I close my eyes and pretend salty black mascara is red.
I just need to hear your horrified gasp.
Even if its only in my mind.
RememberRemember when things were clearRemember6 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
and we were here
with everything to share
learning what was dear
Remember memories most blessed
are the greatest
better than the rest
made with the best
Remember our first dance?
After exchanged glance
a possible chance
to start a romance
of two friends.
Remember our first kiss?
the flavor of chocolate chips
mingling on your lips
brushed together the tips
of our noses.
Remember we were surprised
of actions implied
we had crossed the lines
drawn by others.
Oh how time flies
it passed us by
divided by space and time
but now we must ask why?
Why did we drift apart?
Those days need to return
days before concern
before the burn
to solve love spurned
that we might dance again?
What A PredicamentRazor blade kisses and heart breaking glances.What A Predicament6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I fell in love last night
It was a whirlwind romance with curtsy and dance
And all the world felt right.
An uptown sorceress in a painted-on dress
And I in my twice borrowed jeans
She tore me apart, left with my only heart
Im not jealous by any means
What a predicament in only an instant
And I with this hole in my chest
Nobody noticed while in swirled the circus
Forcing her to dance with the rest
Razor blade kisses and heart breaking glances.
I would not change it for the world
Though my heart was my life, Id give it up twice
For just one moment with that girl.
OneWordDotCom-FeatherI stand at the roofs edge. My eyes open and my arms spread out. I chose this building specifically as it is the tallest in the city and I can see forever.OneWordDotCom-Feather7 years ago in Fantasy More Like This
The day was long and hard. Several times I just want it to be over. The decisions, the pressure, the endless demands.
Now I stand at the buildings edge, with all the city beneath me.
With one soft sigh I let it all go and, closing my eyes, I fall.
The sensation of air rushing by me is my drug.
It is not until the last minute that I spread my wings. And fly. This too is addicting. Averting death, taking my own control, leaving my worries and the chaos of life behind.
I am free.
At least until tomorrow and the Corporate World commands me back.
I found a feather today and wondered if it was yours. I have seen you several times through out the city. Or rather I have seen your face on quite a few magazi
To Dance With My Love Forever You are so beautiful.To Dance With My Love Forever6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I could watch you for hours.
The way you move, both elegant and seductive,
drawing me in like a needy lover.
Land BarrenBarren lands on which I stand.Land Barren5 years ago in Open More Like This
Where bleeding hearts and
have long since run dry,
numbed by time and over exposure.
I am as sterile as the waterless land I stand upon.
I Saw YouI saw you today,I Saw You6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
standing alone in a crowd of people.
I tried to say hello
but something caught my eye.
When I looked back
you were gone.
I saw you in the café
with your notebook
and your half drunk coffee,
lost in your own sadness.
I tried to smile
but you wouldnt look up
I saw you walking alone,
thinking no one notice
or even cared.
but you took a different path.
I saw you today,
staring out the window,
the whole world upon your shoulders.
Our eyes met.
My heart broke.
I had wanted to speak words of hope;
To offer encouragement and tell
of a promise of a better tomorrow.
I have that.
I know things will be better.
I know my life has meaning. Purpose.
But as we stared at each other,
I could taste your tears on my lips.
My back hurt from your heavy burden.
I could feel your heart bleeding inside my own chest.
An instant and a lifetime passed.
Everything and nothing was said.
I am uncertain when I stopped breathing.
The Numbers Dont MatterDon't slip away, my dear.The Numbers Dont Matter6 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
No matter what you feed them, the groupies won't cease their endless yipping.
Focus on me, my dear.
Hold together your ripped chest.
I have needle and thread and promise not to rend you further.
Dont know if I'm right but I'm not that wrong.
With your hands occupied, I shall roll for you.
Blow upon painted bones as I toss them to fate.
Just a leap of faith, my dear.
A touch, a grasp, a long awaited connection.
If I must staple our hands together I shall though pain be dulled by kiss and lemon tang.
I cant stop the blood if you wont let me see.
Deep red stains the table but the dealer is too busy with his pansy pink drink.
She knows the tricks, both simple and high paying; she has paid and has been well.
The crowd is quick to turn against you as one more time
shes left you alone,
holding your own bones and the cycling through of her latest sting.
Take my hand, my dear.
Her words are a pointless tirade while her lashes and leg
I hate it when that happensAww man. I hate it when that happens.I hate it when that happens6 years ago in Horror More Like This
I mean, all I wanted was a cookie.
A simple stinking cookie but noooOOOoo.
Heh. Please. Allow me start at the beginning.
The homemade cookies were in the kitchen, fresh out of the oven, all hot and waiting packed with melted chocolaty chip goodness inside and caramel yumminess drizzled heavily over the top. They're my Auntie Diane's specialty and she's been spoiling me with them since I was a kid. Lured by the intoxicating aroma and the promise of a fabulous treat, I hurried into the kitchen and poured myself a glass of milk.
That's when that happens.
My stomach starts feeling like I just ate a butt-load of worms and I could feel them squirming and wriggling in my belly. I'm standing in the middle of the kitchen trying to recall what I possibly could have eaten to cause this nauseating reaction when it's as if they all finally read the same memo and come together.
Feel the Words TwistingI killed a man today.Feel the Words Twisting6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Neither with metal nor nylon,
but with words sharper than any blade.
I crushed his joy with a well placed scoff.
I broke his spirit as I spat on his hard toiled success.
I ground him beneath my heel with accusations of theft.
I stole his last breath with a stinging backhanded compliment.
I am Jealousy.
I am Pain.
I am Unforgotten and Unforgivable.
Sticks and stones may break my bones
but cutting words kill forever.
Crank it UpOh honey let's crank up the volume,Crank it Up6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
let's work it up, speed up the beat.
Drown me in the sounds of your screaming
while I struggle to stay on my feet.
Lose me in your echoing laughter
or sob me into submission,
I'll pump up the bass and quicken the pace
if you'll only give your permission.
I can feel it in my bones,
I can hear it in my soul,
My voice is raw from my cacophonied exaltation
Drunk on the music, 2 brokens become whole.
I have found you, my intoxication.
I have found peace in the magnified sound.
I cannot give what was never taken away.
Only if the music swallows us can we drown.
Let's break it down into phrases,
try to find sense in alien noise.
Then let's build it into a frenzy
of shattered glass and wasted poise.
There's no reward in making a face,
just in case of who we might meet,
we've passed the test so ignore the rest
and let's give ourselves up to the heat.
I love the music, so loud, thats all that fills me
I dance like an in
Dear FriendDear Friend,Dear Friend6 years ago in Philosophical More Like This
Sorry to hear about your last nerve.
I had few extra this morning and am sending you a spare.
It's slightly used and a bit over loved but I knew you'd need it.
When you get more be sure to send mine back.
I never know when I'm going to be down to just one.
Stuck in the MomentTheres no laughter anymore.Stuck in the Moment6 years ago in Stories & Vignettes More Like This
Not in this house. Not in 4 years.
Faded squares line the walls and there are no dirty soccer shoes by the back door.
Instead theyre in a box in the shed though she gave the bike and [most of] his clothes to the city mission.
His picture sits alone atop the piano he whined about playing.
His room is now the craft room though on the east wall hangs a shelf.
Momma calls it her memory shelf but whenever I dare to look that way I swear its a shrine.
He would have been 17 this year but tragedy keeps him forever 13.
She clutches the tattered blanket he hadnt used in years and weeps when Kenny Chesney comes on the radio.
I moved out 14 months ago.
I miss him too, Momma, but I cant do this anymore.
I cant live here.
I cant be here anymore.
Especially when I can still feel him in the halls because you won't let him go.
Trust MeTrust me.Trust Me6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Take my hand,
It's just a simple step
taken at least once before.
Now, take a breath, my dear.
It's been a while, I know.
Have you lost the memory?
why are you trembling?
You already made the choice; I am here to simply help you along.
Don't look at me that way,
of pain and regret
and need and punishment.
Dancing upon broken happiness and shattered yesterdays.
I was your answer, remember?
You look at me in shock but I can only shrug in response.
I am not the one haunted.
I am at peace as I talk with you; it is you who is tormented by your decision.
You have no right to look at me that way.
But then, maybe you do.
You chose this path.
I can say it once more if you rather.
I am not angry with you, rather reminding.
I made sure you read the small print.
You saw the scars and still you have the audacity to be appalled upon spying my truth.
It amuses me more than anything, I suppose.
Come to me,
Go ahead an
My Valentines BoxSo...My Valentines Box6 years ago in Horror More Like This
where to start?
My box is made of cedar.
Im guessing old wood like a hope chest. Only longer. And not as tall.
Its kinda sad that Im even thinking of such things but Im past my freak out point.
Its so dark here and Im so cold. My hands hurt so bad. Theres not enough room for me to punch or kick away the walls. I was trying to push/peal away the lid but succeeded only in scraping off my skin. A lot of my skin.
Id say Id been in here for weeks but being that I need water every 3 days to survive, Im sure its been less.
Theres no sun, no light. Im not buried as I would have heard the dirt being piled on top. Its more like Im alone in some windowless, doorless room but I have no way to judge the size. Ive tried to listen but I cant hear anything. I s