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It's lonely nights like these
That I'm in my bed
Wrapped up in my blankets
Cuddling with my teddy bear
And I wish that it was you.
That sweet love song
We like to sing
Playing in my headphones
And I try to keep
The tears from falling.
I know you wouldn't want me to be sad...
But I'm so lonely tonight...
And maybe, just maybe
If I imagine hard enough I can feel...
Your arms wrapped about me
Your warm breath on my skin
And your heartbeat next to mine.
eh, sounded better in my head...based off of Theory of a Deadman's song Hello Lonely...

Hello lonely
How you doin' today?
Hello sweet thing
Why don't you walk this way?

So why're you sad?
Don't you know that
It's you that haunts my dreams and seems to always come back?
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every face is a map of the world
that we've lived
intersections of lives
and crossing of lines
can't escape the fate
for its what you've made
and everything calls you back
from yesterday.
...

Through the blood he can look,
see the life that he took
From council of one
He'll decide when he's done with the innocent

On his face is a map of the world
A map of the world
On his face is a map of the world
A map of the world

From yesterday, it's coming!
From yesterday, the fear!
From yesterday, it calls him
But he doesn't want to read the message
He doesn't want to read the message
Doesn't want to read the message here
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numbness is the only feeling i have left
need someone to pick me up, don't let me fall
gather the shards of my heart that i've left behind
all my scattered pieces blown by the wind
i cannot heal wounds that are not my creation
i've deftly discovered the art of breaking
i love Red....and Thousand Foot Krutch...
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Passion is now but strife just around the corner
Slinking closer, the tendrils of its presence precede it
The building tension peaks and I have to wonder
If the cataclysm of pain isn't the same as passion.
Tears, tears of anger dripping down my face
The rain of sweet love that's become twisted
Blood, the blue blood that flows red
That bleeds heavy and hot for you
Sweetest touches, slowly, lingering
Whispers of softness
Tearing through me, ripping me apart
Breaking my heart.
no idea where this one came from
probably from the song i was listening to at the time

Between the sadness and the smile
Lies the flicker of the fire
You always said this never hurt you
I always said you were a liar
with all the towers and the wires
There still lies a little silence
Two hearts and one connection
One voice lacks emotion now
I always knew....
You tried your best and you knew it wouldn't last
They were the words that she placed on her casket
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they all tell me i'm just wasting my time
throwing my pearls before the swine
tell me i'm gonna be pushed away
you'll break me down and turn around
tell me not to even try lest i fall and break
that you're just waiting for your chance
to reach inside, take all of me, leaving nothing behind.
i say they're blind, i'll never push you away
they'll never see what i find in you that makes me want to stay
You found me here, waiting for your chance
You would reach inside and take all of me
You watch your lies smother me again
But now you can't!

Don't even try your wasting time
Jump back I'll beat you down and turn around
I'm fighting my way through you
Push you away, I'll never break
Come back ill beat you down
It's over now
I'm turning my back on you

I turn around, there you are
A blink and a flash back to you again
You push me down tried to steal it all
This time I'm pushing back!
~Wasting Time - Red
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You say you only hear the sounds of madness
With a rare, soft, quietly spoken word of love
Agony, pain, depression, death and sadness
Are the voices of your world
You spin your webs and crooked lies
That I don't believe and can see behind
What they really are and pretend to be
Nothing more than a mask...a facade
To keep you safe from the hurt and pain
Duck around the walls to glimpse your soul
That part of it that you can't help but let me see
Don't push me away, loving you is where I want to be.
....

Say how's the weather, so I look out the window
To brighten my soul, but I can't control the rain
That keeps falling
Smile on the outside that never comes in
A comedy, mystery, irony, tragedy
So I scream "let the show begin"

You break me open, turn on the light
Stumble inside with me, with me

Do I entertain you?
Do I preoccupy you with my wit to cover this lie?
Are you mesmerized?
Do you think me faithful, do you think me a clown?
I picked out this shirt, I put on this hat
I wore all this paint just for you
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Greek god of wine
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sarah was playing her cello one night and the lighting was amazing...

title from a line from the song "Sound The Bugle" by Bryan Adams...no reason, just happened to be uploading it, and its one of my favorites by him.

Sound the bugle now - play it just for me
As the seasons change - remember how I used to be
Now I can't go on - I can't even start
I've got nothing left - just an empty heart

I'm a soldier - wounded so I must give up the fight
There's nothing more for me - lead me away...
Or leave me lying here

Sound the bugle now - tell them I don't care
There's not a road I know - that leads to anywhere
Without a light feat that I will - stumble in the dark
Lay right down - decide not to go on

Then from on high - somewhere in the distance
There's a voice that calls - remember who your are
If you lose yourself - your courage soon will follow

So be strong tonight - remember who you are
Ya you're a soldier now - fighting in a battle
To be free once more -Ya that's worth fighting for
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A handful of photographs
A memory of a smile
A resounding laugh that lingers
An embrace of warmth and love
A dream of a different ending
A wish of happier times
A hope of another meeting
A loss of your beautiful life
A week of crying myself to sleep
A month or two or more of numbness
A year of missing you
And there are more yet to come
I never thought it could happen,
That that day would come so soon,
That I'd never get to say goodbye
And I am missing you,
For this is our final farewell.
so, this one was really hard to write...wrote it for my aunt who passed away May 1 of 2008. Its been rough. This is the first that I've really been able to talk/write about her...it still is hard...I miss her.

title from the song Our Farewell by Within Temptation
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    Her hair whipped around her face as she stood at the edge of the precipice, the gulls screaming above and the waves crashing below. There would be no turning back. This she knew.
   She turned slowly and made her way back to the path that wound down to the beach. Her past was gone, the present was fading, the future...well, the future held nothing but the gray haziness of pain. There had been passion. Once upon time; but no longer.
   He left her in her pain and her misery. When she needed him the most, he left, never coming back. She knew from the beginning that it wasn't going to last, but she tricked herself, deceived herself into believing that it would. She always told him that she wasn't hurting, that she was fine, that she would be okay. All he ever did was look into her blue eyes and tell her that she was lying.
   She stopped reminiscing and looked over the beach. It was empty. Cold. Gray. Bitter. She stooped and picked a handful of the deep purple forget-me-nots that grew along the sand dunes and slowly tore them to shreds, their midnight petals trailing behind her footsteps, but even now, she couldn't cry. Not for him, not for herself, not for the hurt and pain she suffered. Never that.
   She made her way to the little cave that was at the bottom of the cliff, here is where it would end. No more pain, no more suffering, no more numbness. Just blissful rest. Her final resting place, this little dark, damp cave. No one would ever find her. Here she could finally be at peace, have her solitude, forget about the sadness. She silently etched her epitaph into the cold gray stone of the cave wall that would become her casket. The steel biting into the stone roughly, soon, soon it would bite into the warmth of her body, draw the blood from her and then fade away into nothingness, its only task finished.
   The crude words that made up her final farewell sketched across the wall You tried your best but you knew it would never last, and it never does. Soon the words were finished, she gripped the blade and suddenly sliced across her wrist. The sudden pain making her gasp, the only sound she had made the entire time.
   She watched as the blood trickled down her fingers and dripped onto the stone. Amazing how something that looked so beautiful was shunned. Blood. The life of a soul. But there's always more than just being alive. She was alive, but she had never lived. Another slice, another gasp, rivulets splashing into the puddles beneath her feet, staining them red. This is the way she could forget her sadness.
Tears started to form, to roll down her face, mixing with the streams of blood on her arms. He always told her she should try crying, well, now she was. She blamed him. She had always been so strong, so independent, and he took that away from her. Yes, she had given it to him, but he had made her trust him and broke her and left her for dead. She sank to the floor of the cave, resting her head against the cool walls and let the tears flow. It would be the only time she ever cried.
   A final cut down her arm, this one so much deeper than the others, so much more painful, but the pain was her release. Her vision was blurring and the last thing she saw before slipping away into that final, eternal rest, were the words that she had etched into her casket.
messing around with something new.
based off of the song This Is Who We Are by Hawthorne Heights

Between the sadness and the smile
Lies the flicker of the fire
You always said this never hurt you
I always said you were a liar
with all the towers and the wires
There still lies a little silence
Two hearts and one connection
One voice lacks emotion now
I always knew
I know it seems like we're never coming back
I know it feels like we're never coming back
You tried your best and you knew it wouldn't last
They were the words that she placed on her casket
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