Iím sorry I wasnít there for you when it was your 5th Birthday. I wasnít able to see the happiness striking across your face, the anticipation running through your veins at the point of opening your presents. The blissful joy of all your friends and family around you as they sang happy birthday, that day was a memory I never had the chance to remember.
Iím sorry I wasnít there for you when you had your first day at school. It was like a new world for you filled with friendship, independence and above all, fun. Iíll always regret not being there to pick you up after school and having you run into my arms at a thousand miles per hour, as though you hadnít seen me in years. Those days when you came home and started humming a harmonious song that you learnt, it was a tune Iíd never hear.
Iím sorry I wasnít there for you when you were eight years old and just learnt to ride your first bike. The breeze going through your hair as you came speeding down the mountain side. When you fell off, I wasnít there to save you from the aching pain of disappointment. I wasnít there to tell you that itíd be ok, and it breaks me up inside to think about that very fact.
Iím sorry I wasnít there for you when you received your first kiss and needed someone to talk to. Your heart throbbing, a constant smile on your face and yet no sign of me. You were like a bird with no wings, lost in a world with no sense of direction as to where to go next. When heartbreak struck like a piercing dagger and your world came crashing down, still I was nowhere to be seen.
Iím sorry I wasnít there for you when you finished high school, with high honors and a diploma together hand in hand. The moment you stepped up to the stage with a huge applause being granted for your achievement, while sequences of camera flashes lit up the stage. It would have been one of your highest points of ecstasy in your life. Yet, where was I?
Son you must understand why you have received this letter after all these years. For you see, during the time of your birth, your mother was suffering from heart failure and both her and you were in jeopardy of having your lives taken from the depths of Earth. After some time in the hospital waiting area, there was only one thing to do. As I approached the doctor I told him that a heart donor was found for your mother. It was apparent he knew who the donor was and what would be occurring in the next few hours. I passed this very letter to him and if youíre reading it then what occurred next was truly a successÖ
Authors Comments: The love of a father towards his son is stronger than anything in the world. A father would give up everything he had for the well being of his familyÖ.even his life.
His eyes flinched, twitching Like bats ears. ďPick up your mother at 7, meet us at the restaurant.Ē
The world seemed an unhappy place, His placid tears set to fill the Nile in a few short hours, A half charged cell-phone             Bou             Nc             ing On the seat like his blonde haired blue eyed thin framed Perfectly sculpted (ideal) daughter.
Darkness and obsession a prelude to a needle, Exasperation, struggling respiration And an elongated, low pitched sigh.
The slick roads washing like soap suds, Dry as desert But in the incapable hands of our main character, They were as slippery as a bathroom floor Post bathing.
When he d r i f t e d Into a lamppost, Percussion cracked his skull like a sledge hammer, Each bones fermata captured perfectly with a bass and snare, Befitted perfectly with the occasional cymbal crash.
An airbag can only cushion your face for so long, Until it leaves a mark in the steering wheel similar to Christís face on a cloth.
- He thought of his mother. Brown eyes. She liked baseball and watching the plants grow on Sunday afternoons. She was a short woman, Always reaching for things and snapping fingers at him. Beautiful. -
Between the metallic strips tearing through his splintering jawbone, He thought he smelled steak,             His lips trying as hard as they could to drip saliva But they were currently quite preoccupied with disintegrating.
As his body contorted so far as to fit inside a typical office drawer, Head whipping madly throw white airbags And into glass windows, He-
Saturday afternoon on the pier. The sun was in the sky, incandescent for whatever reason, Mother natureís finest gem. Her dress was a light yellow. Her hands were fragile, like porcelain.
This whole process of dying seemed entirely too long, Much unlike the movies but retaining that cinematic quality. He felt something go through his lower back And shrugged it off, Itís momentary excruciation merely a segue to some finer glory he hoped to find.
The cement pillar seemed the titan in this struggle, Our main character playing whatever anonymous henchman, Just cannon fodder.
His left ear went dead as he felt a piece of glass Tear through his ear drum, Sounding briefly like masturbation but ending too quick to tell.
He wasnít too sure when his rib cage cremated itself and saved his parents the trouble, But briefly he felt whatever wasnít crushed rushing to fill the space.
So yeah like i kinda fell out of bed this morning (it's a REALLY thin bed) kinda yeah.††And like, i wasn't in a good mood (i did fall out of bed) y'see.††It kinda all began like.... y'know (getting to the point quickly here), last night where i like... well my girlfriend (well we weren't really going out per say...) is such a whore (not that i'd know of course)...i mean she's my ex now y'know (see previous).
But she sleeps around like (and i found out last night.††Tore my heart in two (well not really but it felt like that once the hormones kicked in... except not as painful)) and like, threw it onto the ground (she didn't really do this either but it makes me feel inntelygant) and (i felt really sad) i cried myself to sleep (but i did wake up in the middle of a night for a poopie).††She says the rabbit made her feel happier than me (rabbits are sexy i'l give you that), like, i must be sooo pathetic (like... i cannot compare to a rabbit (damn rabbits)).††Why am i breathing? (i'll tell you after biology).
But yeah like so *abuse of fillers*.††Even before that my day was (less than amusing) abysmal and lamentacious (wow check my sophistimacated vocabulary [thankyouthesaurusiluffj00]).††That was like yeah cos my step dad (well he's more of a stepstepstepstepdad) came home drunk (actually he was high from sniffing marmalade) and he's a violent man (you should see how wound up he gets playing pac-man) he beat me (actually he sent me to bed without supper) down into the ground (sorry korn i love jonathon davies).††So i escaped out the window (front door in common lingo) but only after taking some webcam pictures (i so seksi) and molesting deviantarts gratuitous (vocabulary again) free space offer (i <3 DA 4ever) so people tell me i iz hawt (y'know it).††
and then i saw my girlfriend (well we weren't together yet) but she was with the white rabbit (damn that rabbit) and he is hawter than me (damn him again) and i felt so jealous (who wouldn't be against such a hawt rabbit?) and then she told me that she was with (in the real way) the white rabbit (damn that rabbit) and then my life felt like nothing (well actually it felt like the chemicals inside of me were producing a rather undesirable effect).
So i ran and i ran and i ran (and i ran and i ran and i ran and i ran and i ran repeat as necessary) and i cried my crystal tears (technically tears have salt in them so yeah like, salt is crystally yeah? wish i studied in chemistry now) and i felt like a lost soul (a big mac in burger king) wandering the empty endless (4meters squared) space of the unknown (my bathroom... well it is kinda unknown since i don't shower often).††
and i made friends (i <3 inanimate objects) with that blade (it's called a razor damn you) and i pushed it into my innocent (i did this the day before too, embellishment is a terrible thing) flesh (they say that a lot in the bible) to set free (i can see why they'd want to escape me) all the lies and misery (i rhymed i rhymed i rhymed i am SO COOL).††i caressed the wound (with my tongue, blood is tasty) and remembered all the times (all four of them) where i'd been hurt so bad. and i took a picture (this is art) to show to the world (although i don't think they wanna share) my pitiful state (we'll i'l give you that much)
then the drugs kicked in (</i>the spot medicine is working!! hurrah!!!</i>) and i saw the light (we have this weird globe shaped fixture in our bathroom, really quite decorative and i never appreciated it until just then).††And i could almost (i emphasise that word) feel kurt cobain whispering (cos he's so da man) "i hate myself and i want to die" and then i knew (getting think and know mixed up again, sorry) that i was to live by this (technically that's a juxtaposition because if you want to die and to live by this... dude....).
and i was so scared (pissing myself here) of sleeping (the horror... THE HORROR!!!!) and dreaming my nightmares of tomorrow (a real clairevoyant in the making here)
and it's my birthday today (it was last week too) and i'm 14 now (i'm so hawt) and because i'm older (and smellier) than my school friends (we'll say associates) i don't think (KNOW) if they'll accept me (they didn't yesterday anyway) because i'm an individual (a true pioneer of my generation) see?††the pain (we'll call it lack of testicular fortitude) hurts (this is my hypochondriac personality kicking in) so bad of thinking (it hurts so bad).††it's time to bottle it up (like white wine) inside (wine cellar) and hide the bruises (i fell out of bed) and the scars (.... i fell out of bed) of my life (i fall out of bed a lot) because it's another (omg not again) day of my disaster-life (hyphen hyphen hyphen).
So yeah (gain) i wanna kill the white rabbit (damn that rabbit) cos it was he who did this to me (indirectly and not at all) he made me who i am (no not my parents, they never created me).††i'm going to listen (endure) to some the rasmus now (hardcore!!!) to remind me of the hate i feel (hate feels squidgy) inside (damn that rabbit).
thanks diary you're my only comfort in this terrible world of evil (I'M TALKING TO AN INANIMATE OBJECT HELP ME PLEASE PUNCTUATION NO LONGER EXISTS ARGH MY EYES MY BEAUTIFUL EYES).
My God! My Master! Thou decreed a law for me but instead I obeyed my own low desires And I did not guard myself against the allurements of my enemy He deceived me with vain hopes whereby I was led astray and fate helped him in that respect Thus I transgressed some of its limits set for me by Thee and I disobeyed some of Thy commandments
O Allah! Accept my apology and have pity on my intense sufferings and set me free from my heavy fetters (of evil deeds) My Nourisher! Have mercy on the infirmity of my body, the delicacy of my skin and the brittleness of my bones O' Thou!
O' my God! My Lord! My King! And Master! Which of the matters shall I complain to Thee and for which of them shall I bewail and weep? shall I bewail for the pains and pangs of the punishment and their intensity or for the length of sufferings and their duration?
Kumayl Ibn Ziyad Nakha'i was a confidant amongst the companions of Amir al Muminin, Imam Ali Ibn Abi Talib (as.) and this sublime Du'a was first heard from the beautiful, though anguished, voice of Imam Ali. According to Allama Majlisi (on whom be Allah's Mercy) Kumayl had attended an assembly in the Mosque at Basra which was addressed by Imam Ali in the course of which the night of the 15th of Shaban was mentioned. Imam Ali said-"Whosoever keeps awake in devoutness on this night and recites the Du'a of Prophet Khizr, undoubtedly that person's supplication will be responded to and granted. When the assembly at the Mosque had dispersed, Kumayl called at the house where Imam Ali was staying, and requested him to acquaint him with Prophet Khizr's "Du'a". Imam Ali asked Kumayl to sit down, record and memorise the "Du'a" which Imam Ali dictated to Kumayl.
Imam Ali then advised Kumayl to recite this "Du'a" on the eve of (i.e. evening preceding) every Friday, or once a month or at least once in every year so that, added Imam Ali, "Allah may protect thee from the evils of the enemies and the plots contrived by impostors. O' Kumayl! in consideration of thy companionship and understanding, I grant thee this honour of entrusting this "Du'a" to thee."
The above is just a small extract of a most beutiful Dua.
You can listen to this Dua(with english) here : [link]