VIII. a note on self-injury. let me be the first to tell you that cutting doesn't bring about the same pain that an accidental slice, abrasion, wound, or nick does.VIII. a note on self-injury.7 years ago in Academic Essays More Like This
relief, calm, focus, release, yes-
but pain? hardly.
a doctor might tell you that the two wounds are the same. but any cutter will tell you that no other scrape or cut will run as read, as true- with as much force as that which is self-inflicted.
a cut, you see, is perfect. it's kind. it's understanding. it washes away all chaos and emotional turmoil with beads of red (and if you're deep enough, mahogany) that quickly join and run down the length of your arm.
a cut is simple. predictable. the slice, the bite. the blood. the scab. the itching the next day. the eventual scarring. the fading. and when you can no longer see the angry marks, the inexplicable and undeniable urge to make them appear again.
even your excuses are bland a
Ch 5: Vermillion IntimationsCh 5: Vermillion Intimations3 years ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
Or that was the sound that should have crackled through the forest.
"Final Heaven" still boomed through the trees as a bloodied Raigen rushed forward, arm drawn back like a spring waiting for release. Lingering wisps of magic residue glinted off his amber goggles, unable to penetrate the focused aureate eyes beneath. He was ready to claim his victory until one last silvered streak launched into the path of his straight punch.
It was another girl he hadn't known to be on the field of battle, appearing from the edge of his vision and rushing right in front of his opponent, throwing her arms out to extend the shield her body created. All at once, gray-blue eyes stared directly into his, and a frightened voice gripped him.
Raigen flinched but could do nothing, his arm already in motion. He skidded across the dirt, boots scrabbling and scraping but still not stopping. Shock and fear pained Raigen's face, clenching his teeth, dilating his eyes, as he helplessly watched his pun
I Wanna Be A VampireI Wanna Be A Vampire5 years ago in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
I WANNA BE A VAMPIRE
I wake up every morning
And everything is black
At night, I go to sleep with an anxiety attack
If someone wants to kill me
It won't take half a day
Too bad this task is being done the meanest, slowest way
I really love the sunshine
But I don't see it much
I'm sick of all the silence and allergic to the touch
If anyone could teach me
How not to miss the light
Or those two arms that bruise my heart yet keep it warm at night
I wanna be a vampire
With skin like sour cream
For they can build an empire solely on their self esteem
The nightmare is a dream
Once you are a bloodsucker
And you don't crucify yourself for any motherfucker
Vampires play it nasty
Dress up in fancy things
And feel good as they burn away their gods and kill their kings
They get to feel so hollow
And party wild all night
And live for their own sake because they know they have the right
I do care for the people
But they... are sons of bitches
They open wounds up in your soul that can't be fixed with
Alphario - Chapter 1 - Part 2Alphario - Chapter 1 - Part 24 years ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
The lights lit up in tandem, as if to announce Dennis's arrival with a grand entrance.
"Errr anybody home?" He expected a reply. Only silence responded back.
"I'm coming in "
The lad rubbed his eyes in astonishment as he took a 360 degree glance around his surroundings. The place was huge if the front lobby alone was large enough to accommodate a few hundred people, what bigger surprises could be in store for him?
Dennis couldn't wait to find out.
He hurried to check all the angles and corners of the ground floor, mesmerized with every little discovery he made. The boy was smiling ear to ear when he discovered what the backyard has in store for him a giant winding tube slide was the main attraction, circling the huge irregular shaped pool below it. Dennis could feel his adrenaline rush as he imagined himself plunging into the refreshing crystal clear waters from over 50 feet high.
"Later. I've got all the time for this." Dennis reassured himself
Wrist SlitOh, how dark the sky has turned in recent days. A hoard of black clouds surrounds my heart and mind. How could the world have turned this black?Wrist Slit6 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
The tears burn in my eyes, and I try to shut them out and fail miserably. My tears fall down my cheek and then down my neck, and I wipe them away. And then another comes down, creating a sea of tears. And I drown in them. Shit.
My arms are cut from my wrist to my elbow, bleeding bright red, the color of blood. It runs down and joins the sea of tears (so the sea turns purple from the blue tears and red blood.) The cuts are the number of days I must survive in this agony. That would be three hundred and forty-seven. Three hundred and forty-seven days of pain that cutting myself totally helps with.
There's a hell eating me from the inside. A great fiery hell. It's a miracle I haven't self-combusted from all the hell yet.
The sorrow and pain in life is something that the rest of society will never understand.
Oh, why me? Why chose me as your victi
AssumptionsAssumptions4 years ago in Editorial More Like This
As some would argue, I agree that it would be nice to save intimacy for between one's self and whoever one cares for. Unfortunately, in society today, sex is a wide-open topic. And one's orientation is a large part of who they are--though this is often taken for granted by the heterosexual majority.
Even the knowledge of a person's orientation is taken for granted: there is an assumption that everyone is heterosexual. Because of this, straight people are already "out" of the metaphorical closet. They are the majority and their orientation is always known or assumed and occasionally questioned. It is only when it comes to people who do not identify with this heterosexual majority that "coming out" becomes a big issue.
"Coming out" refers to a person making him or herself vulnerable by acknowledging and sharing
Alphario - Chapter 1 - Part 1Alphario - Chapter 1 - Part 15 years ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
Dennis couldn't believe his eyes.
It was a dream come true. He was finally in Japan. And the story behind this achievement was just too good to be true.
Joining the contest was a good thing after all, Dennis thought to himself, trying to contain the grin that had long wanted to escape onto his lips. The 20 year old boy had never intended to participate in the first place it simply wasn't his thing but after the submission deadline had been extended thrice, he was finally convinced that maybe it was his time to shine. And luck was on his side.
Dennis made his way through the airport hallway, still contemplating on his good fortune. He was amazed at how distinct occasions from the past had miraculously connected with one another, just like how the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle fit together to complete the picture. He vowed never to view his childhood days in a negative light ever again. At least for now, he reconsidered.
"Mom, dad " He smiled as he took a pen
Open and BleedingHiding in the dark and bleedingOpen and Bleeding4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Closing myself off from everyone
That might make me hurt again.
Shivering and cold crying on the floor
My wounds wide open and exposed while chained to the floor
Can't stop the bleeding can't stop the pain.
Left to cry in the dark forever
Never to see the light again
Throat closed up with no words left to me
Eyes tightly closed so there is only darkness.
A noise in the dark soft and sweet
A voice coming closer seeming safe and pure
Begins to reach out but pulls back for fear of being hurt again.
Sweet whispers of safety and warm in her voice
The wounds begin to heal pain begins to subside
My heart begins to yearn for compassion and love
I fight against my chains wishing I could break free.
Warmth, security, love, compassion
Fighting for release, fighting for this voice
My eyes open nothing but light and a sweet face with a beautiful smile
Happy loving sigh envelopes my entire body as my chains release themselves.
She cups my face and sweetly kisses my li
Mental GravitationUP:Mental Gravitation5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Like the edge of a mindgasm
And one little breath
Will push you over the edge
Like knowing you can never
Breathe that good air again
And the bad isn't worth breathing
A Very Close RelationLittle sister, have I ever saidA Very Close Relation5 years ago in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
How much I love your hair?
It is so red
Sometimes I forget you're there
I wonder if you're dead
But I still love you, and I wish you well
I just want to save you from yourself
You seem to have a knack for walking in
At the most unpleasant times
When I'm uncertain or in flux
And fearful things are on the line
Little sister, have I ever told
How much I love your voice?
You are so bold
Once you almost made a choice
I found you sleeping cold
Without your blanket, cradling a gun
We're both alive and I don't know who won
You embarrass me, I really can't deny
People ask about you and I want to lie
But I'm going to hold you tightly
Until I know how I can say goodbye
look at me.what do you see when you look at me?look at me.5 years ago in Spoken Word More Like This
something more than a girl in tight jeans?
do you see the nerd they call me,
addicted to books and straight a grades?
or do you see the emo they call me,
converse hi-tops and the music no one listens to?
or maybe you see the whore they call me,
kissing both girls and boys.
when you look at me, do you see a label,
or do you see a person?
Bulimia Explained?I feel I must explain something important.Bulimia Explained?5 years ago in Editorial More Like This
Misconception: Bulimia is all about the puking, gaging and purging. Uh uh. Puking is only a product of the binging. Bulimics often describe the toilet as their god, but that is incorrect. Food is our god.
So the solution is to focus on the binging.
Stop binging = stop feeling guilty and terrified = no more purging.
So this bit of rambling is aimed at all of us who overeat.
I have to do everything in excess. I can't just draw a picture, I have to spend a week on small details. I can't just buy a new shirt, I have to buy a whole knew wardrobe. I can't be happy, I have to be thrilled, I can't just be sad, I have to be depressed. I'm silent or I'm loud. I can't just have a glass of wine, I have to have the whole bottle. I can't just have one cookie, I have to have the whole box. I can't just lose a few pounds, I must stop eating and be tinny or else eat and be fat.
Sometimes I'm just to much for one girl to handle!
Alternatives to Self-InjuryThese are some basic alternatives to self-harm:Alternatives to Self-Injury5 years ago in Articles & Interviews More Like This
1. Rubber Bands: Okay I know some people may still see this as self-harm, but using a rubber band is much less damaging than cutting or other such things.
2. Cranking up music: Whether is angry, emo, country, pop, techno, whatever, blasting music can be used as an outlet for one's emotions. Experiment and find out what works for you; it may not even necessarily be your favorite genre of music.
3. Pillows/Stuffed Animals: This was suggested to me by a friend. It may feel odd or a little childish, but clinging to a stuffed animal or wrapping one's arms tightly around a pillow can bring a sense of comfort. I was also told to try transferring all of my emotions into it. Believe me, this one works.
4. Square Breathing: Yet another tip I got from a friend. Close your eyes, wrap your arms around yourself if you have to and breathe. Count in to four slowly, hold your breath for the
Alphario - Chapter 1 - Part 3Alphario - Chapter 1 - Part 34 years ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
"Very funny, SPOT."
"I... I'm scared..." Dennis shuddered sarcastically. "Not!"
"I mean look!" He turned to his surroundings. The perimeter was abundant with lush greens and brimming with all sorts of plant life. "It's all just great. I'm gonna take lots of photos of this place!"
But SPOT's warning replayed once again in his head as he took his camera in his hands, warning him of potential dangers ahead. There's no such thing as monsters. He insisted. It's all in the head.
"We're definitely going to get through this... right, mom, dad?" Dennis felt a sense of security as he held his lucky charm in right hand. His parents had never failed him before, and he was certain that they wouldn't let him down this time.
He continued deeper into the forest, admiring the natural environment untouched, or rather, avoided, by man. The cool breeze was pleasant on his bare arms, and the warm rays of the sun made him feel at ease.
The boy sat down and rested under a nearby tree, like how
Myriil ReferenceMyriil Reference4 years ago in Profiles More Like This
Tidbit 1: Like most elves, Myriil is not physically sturdy, relying on agility and speed to avoid attacks rather than face them head-on. She is very nimble, able to shift through tough terrain without stumbling and weave through a sea of enemies to aide another ally in need of healing. She tends to avoid melee combat, relying on range spells and her crossbow to avoid physical confrontations.
Tidbit 2: Contrary to popular belief, elves are not immortal. They age at about the same rate as humans but stop showing signs past the age of adulthood. Their lifespan is longer, spanning over a few hundred years, which often creates the false perception of forever to human eyes. Myriil is one hundred and sixteen, already an adult, but still looking young to most humans. Her appearance may fool many people, but Myriil has lived through many emotional hardships, leaving her much wiser because of it.
IncurableIncurable3 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
"No, Aud, stop!!"
Dilantear's blade sailed over Myriil's shoulder, nearly piercing the small joint from back to front had he not sensed her presence so near the battleground. Aud stopped short, of the sword pointed at her face and from plunging her own dagger into her friend's stomach. No surprise tingled through her veins; this was not the first time Myriil had done something so reckless when she challenged Dilantear in battle. Still, the suddenness rattled her focus.
It had been so close.
'Move.' Aud gave a steady glare, her thoughts glistening through her green irises. Myriil only looked back, her solemn expression answering Aud's demand. Just above her shoulder, Dilantear tilted his short sword to rest against Myriil's cheek, the sharp edge pressing at her skin. He watched Aud's grimace until their eyes met, then smiled, a silent dare for her to continue her assault, to meet his blade and seal Myriil's fate.
Only a short distance away, Mal observed the stalemate, tan fingers
Ch 1: Crimson SaviourCh 1: Crimson Saviour5 years ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
After a battle, the cool caress of the rain often claims the bloodied warrior, torn asunder by the cruelty and chaos of the battlefield. Soft tears to wash away the crimson blood, his, mostly his enemies', all mingling together into the rusting ground. The tired fighter resigns a sigh into the docile storm as he lifts his head—
"Why isn't this disgusting forest dead?!"
Or it can incite rage from the less romantic…
Myriil hid her ballad plotting in the further recesses of her thoughts for easy retrieval when she could write them down. She wanted to do so right away in the unlucky fate of interruption, but getting doused at irregular intervals discouraged the thought. Beside her, Kurix lashed his gloved hands through the deluge, summoning another "prestidigitized" spectral hand to create a cover above their heads. He forced more magic into the spell to make it big enough to guard them from the unending skywater, but without constant attention, which Kurix coul
SynapseIt was an anatomical deviationSynapse4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
for which I sought condemnation;
an incidental cognitive martyrdom
by learned capitulation.
Brains bound tightly by bridge,
a nexus strung from rope and plaster,
above a sinuous chasm
swimming with imps and neurotransmitters.
From dreams I count my sleep,
exhausted upon waking
to this lucid accusation.
Passion dulls the cerebral caucus
leaking from my eyes and fingers.
It tastes metallic,
RaveThe Birth.Rave5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Cold walls embracing a mass,
A single note sinks from the
boom speakers. Another. Another.
Fingers stare towards the endless night.
Fingers, wrists hinged to arms suckled with
Pony beads, effervescent Glow
Glow, waves, pierce the air, vanish but remain.
Cinderblocks convert to cardiomyocytes.
Spindles of energy coil between
Us and Them.
Toes, ankles hinged to legs suckled with
slither across the cement in unison.
Bodies, strobes of radiance
palpitating in one fluid motion
against the tempo.
The building, the Heart.
Alive and throbbing.
The last note flies across the room,
Splatters against the wall from the
Tickling out, until the cells convert to
cinderblocks. Cold walls embracing
Self InjurySelf InjurySelf Injury10 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Thick red streams running down my arm
Recollecting to growing drops at my fingertips
The shiny new razor blade in my hand
Covered in blood, skin and flesh of my own
Watching how the drops are getting heavier with amazement
In slow-motion they are falling to the ground
Hungrily the carpet is soaking up each and everyone
The pool of blood at my feet getting bigger and bigger every second
Seconds passing like minutes, minutes like hours
The steady flow is slowing down with every heartbeat
The cuts are running dry, the streams are turning brown
A feeling of relief is making it's way through my body
Heartbeat and breathing slowing down a bit more
Pressure getting blurry and disappearing
Pain and hate, fear and anger turning numb
I killed another part of me
Take a Deep BreathI take a deep breath.Take a Deep Breath4 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
There is nothing to be afraid of, nothing to fear. I've already decided. I've already made my mind all is left is to do it.
I hold the handle, take another deep breath and open the door. I look inside the classroom. The same people who always greet me 'good morning' do it as usual, the others are too engrossed in their personal conversation to notice my arrival.
I breathe deeply.
I hear laughs everywhere, see smiles on everyone's faces, hear complaints about the test tomorrow.
I fill my lungs again until I can't stuff in any more, and blow it out.
I didn't even remember there was one.
I sit down. Some people come to talk to me. I take another deep breath, preparing myself. I've practiced a bit in front of the mirror smiling and nodding from time to time, pretending to listen to what people are saying to me but I'm not sure how believable it appears. Still, they don't seem to notice, and even if they do they still look pretty