glitter.you wrote me love letters from the passenger seat,
pressing stars to my eyelids and hearts to my forehead.
you wrote me lies.
like the summer months, you never stick around long enough to make a lasting impression.
winter always takes over, cold
fingertips washing away all past evidence of the blistering friction once there.
(the only way I made it through was remembering that
youre only another calendar away; that youll come back.
I dont think Ill make it through this time.)
Id write you every word in the french-english dictionary if only one would spark a memory.
you seem unable to reminisce and incapable of nostalgia.
(really, I think theyre powers you passed onto me, increasing mine tenfold.)
youre like something acidic, burning in my throat.
but all the way down, youre smoldering the word
you held me close with trembling hands,
telling me how I was your living reincarnation of
dying stars.dear you,dying stars.6 years ago in General Non-Fiction More Like This
I know that the days are growing longer but the nights are growing colder, and I can see the shadows beneath your eyes. your skin is blemished and no matter how still you are, I see the technicolour wheels swirling behind your too-drowsy lids, brain working overtime, lips refusing to spill words of need and doubt. your breath falters more each day, dropping slowly like rain on an empty sidewalk, and I wonder if Im the only one who knows its there.
I watch you slip further down the drain.
I long to make you believe that I understand, that I get it. I was there too. I was there in the world of afterthoughts and ice-cold looks, where friends are just blood and bones, blood and bones. Ive lived where one day, your universe slips into night and you never seem to wake up, darkness embracing your arms, licking your fingertips. where youre just one star, about to combust.
did you know, that when stars die, it takes hundreds of year
Fifteen Things1.Fifteen Things7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I lied about never
getting in trouble in school;
once I was in a time
out in kindergarten--
I never said so,
but you already knew.
I don't think I ever
lived my life without
the hidden motive
to hurt myself.
Once and a while,
I pretend I'm still alive.
I make myself talk
when he does
my mouth feels glued
shut. It hurts to
let myself breathe
deep after the words take my air.
I'd rather be hyper-aware than
unaware. That's why the
blood wins over drugs. The
endorphins work better than
hallucinogenics ever will.
I don't think I know
what love means anymore.
Maybe I never really
did. I must have been lying.
I imitate people because I
will never be as good as they
are. I feel like maybe
by copying them,
someone who likes them might
also like me.
I am as bad as the one
whose name I sometimes refuse to
If I hadn't left him I
think I probably would have
They gave me pills for anxiety but
I told everyone they were
for depression becau
nightmares.i. theres only so much you can say untilnightmares.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
lips crack open and words fall short.
he prays that his rough hands and broken thoughts
can get the point across, but
feeble touches never sounded much like love.
ii. he talked of how many girls he fucked,
while you told him how many boys youve loved, and watched as
the numbers were almost the same.
sex and love are completely different. you informed him late one night.
I know. his fingers whispered as they brushed along the curve of your spine, not-quite-lovingly.
iii. the only feeling you become aware of is one of
confusion and murky lightheadedness, the world
spinning and falling in technicolour.
you would call yourself numb, but you cant distinguish
the difference between feeling nothing at all and
(is there even a difference?)
iv. sometimes he would swear that the nighttime was his time, and that
the place he felt most comfortable was the dirty streets behind your apa
dropped dolls.i. like porcelain dolls, you always liked delicate things the most.dropped dolls.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
you breathed in my sea-glass ears when I asked you if that was why you chose me,
why you picked me out in a crowd of empty bodies and rosy faces.
you simply smiled and held my frail hands,
but my question was more than rhetorical.
(sometimes I think you like delicate things just because you can break them.)
iii. you were delicate in ways only I could see, with spider-web eyelashes and
piano-key fingers, rolling over my spine, creating melodies only we could hear.
your rose-petal lips screamed that you were stronger,
but inside harsh-coloured words I found your
trembling fears, bedside secrets.
(I wouldnt have broken you, even if God himself had offered me the galaxies, like
sparkling rubies in his palm.)
v. kissing you was like inhaling heroin,
intoxicated whispers lulling me to a dreamless sleep.
and the lows are worth it for the highs, and the
tears are worth the smiles.
blowing bubbles.last night weblowing bubbles.7 years ago in Other More Like This
watched the clouds
and you said:
you are beautiful.
and i am afraid
that i might one day
actually believe you
sometimes i feel like
i'm just this big bundle
of problems and i have
been searching and
i can't find the answers.
you told me that the answers
are in blowing bubbles and
tying shoe laces and chasing
dreams, but honestly i just
understand. i have tried
to chase my dreams but
they only run away.
you told me that you can't
stand how i sound when i
give up and the hope
is knocked out of me and
you can't stand me when
i am busy counting
the empty spaces in the
walls and in my heart
and you said you
can't stand me anymore,
love is not a game.
but then, how
did i end up
Beneath the SmogShe wears moonbeams and a silky, white starBeneath the Smog6 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
letting brilliant ideas foam at her lips,
never believing she'd go that far.
Dreams gone wrong by defiled hips
answering with a mandatory moan;
trading filthy words for better tips,.
When his words slip from the phone
Thoughts spring back to whispered promises.
Her heart beats to the dial-tone.
crashing.'think of yourself as a breath of air,' he tells me. 'compared to the overall atmosphere, you are tiny. insignificant.'crashing.7 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
'but someone out there is breathing you in,' he continues. 'they're living off of you. you are the oxygen in their lungs, running through their veins and keeping them alive.'
i think that i'd be the polluted kind of air. the kind nobody wants. the kind that ends up killing people.
but i keep these thoughts inside.
'if i fell, would you catch me?' i ask, your fingers cold in mine.
'the crash is never as bad as they make it sound,' he says cryptically.
i take this to mean no.
'what do i remind you of?' you ask.
i have no answer.
but one day, i will find it.
and i'll write you a letter, because we both know you'll be long gone by then.
you remind me of dreams.
sometimes, i'll wake up from them happy. sometimes, i'll be afraid and crying.
sometimes, i'll just wake up empty.
but in the end -
i never can hang onto them.
poetry like teaI never want to know you.poetry like tea7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I want to wonder, want to slide back-down and backwards across your glissandos,
linger over the breaths and pauses,
pour into the warm and dark hollows that you curve into your words,
nestle there like water or skin:
I want to sink into the cracks between consonants, smooth them over,
find the sighs folded into the velvet roundness of an O,
contemplate each brightly fractured e in your name, how it
is wrenched open to the world, wounded, and still
curled tight as a fist over the wound:
I want to drink poetry like tea,
in sips, with sugar,
and then in longer draughts until it washes down my throat like heat
and I forget, for a moment, that winter lasts longer than this
and I am far from home:
I want to find you in dead trees and bathroom stalls,
carved with some memory of permanence into the flat surfaces of my world
accompanied by numbers I will never call
for fear of breaking the intimacy of anonymity:
I want to picture you (a picture of you) wi
WonderlandWith laced up fingers, I noticedWonderland6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
That your heart was undone.
You laughed with sad embarrassment,
(it slid down from your lips, coating my cheeks with heat)
staring down at the cutting red heart
beneath your fingers
And said Ive never learned how to tie it.
PhalangesFinger bones creaked as I reached out,
Shaking out rusted flakes between the hinged joints.
I realized I was out of practice.
Bunny ears. Soft and warm
under glass cold nervous fingertips.
snowflakes.in july, i cut out paper snowflakes and colored them rainbow, then taped them to the inside of my window.snowflakes.7 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
"what's with the snowflakes?" you asked, confused, when you noticed them.
"i like snowflakes," i replied simply.
"but it's july. it never snows in july, so why put snowflakes up?" you asked, still puzzled.
i said, "because if a miracle happens and it does snow, the inside will match the outside for once."
you asked, after a moment's pause, "why color them rainbow?"
"because not everything is black and white."
but you never understood. later, you tore them down, and i caught you feeding them to a candle's flames.
it was foggy the day you left.
i made a handprint on your back window so you'd have something to remember me by.
but, like memories, it slowly faded.
i wrote you a letter.
i miss the way you drew hearts on my hand; the way your hair looked in the wind. i miss the color of your eyes and the way your skin felt on mine.
i'm still trying to decide if i miss <i>
one planet too many.i.one planet too many.7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
the substance of dreams
is hidden inside my cheek,
involuted kisses hiding nightly
where no sleight of eye will see
the same shame that crawls under
my blood like some flawless secret
residing in the hollows of my heart.
it is too early to see the stars. you
are hiding behind cloudy dreams, waiting
for them to find you, your
frost-bitten heart and crashing hopes held
in the folds of your hand.
the minutes are running away, and you wonder
if maybe you're too far gone
for them to ever find you.
or maybe the sky is too close to see,
the seconds too long to hold. every point
of light is somebody's sun and when i read
your future in my palms, you are all but absent.
i am only a star to you. how
can you skip this space and see
the hidden place when it is still
too bright to grasp at galaxies?
you were the kind of beautiful that was
vanishing, like patterns in the sky and
lines of happiness etched onto your soul and
magical moments that are always there
but not always felt.
needy.she told you that when she died,needy.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
she wanted her ashes thrown out over the atlantic.
you shut your eyes tight, refusing to think of the inevitable,
and traced your dry fingers over her collarbone.
(bone against bone sounds beautiful sometimes,
just as friction feels like flying, not falling.)
you twirled her hair on spindle fingers and broken hearts.
she was golden on the surface, beautiful and shining in
bokeh lights, body engulfed in the cities glow.
she would selfishly wish that she was golden on the inside too, that she could
shine and sparkle and not get lost in amber bottles and die on rain-splattered sidewalks.
not once did she think that maybe you were more
broken than she was.
apparently, she was always the one who needed the helping,
and you were always the one to bow down on one knee and give her
butterfly kisses and tender smiles.
but by the end of the month, your knees were skinned and bloody,
and by the end of the year, you were wishing that your legs would
Burgundy Heart and Glass LungsMy fingertips are pressed against the inky folds of your skyBurgundy Heart and Glass Lungs6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
but you were colorless when I met you.
Troubled moons become hung over
on the pot-bellied lies you once condoned.
We watched it rise over the skies;
you painted in deep glasses of burgundy.
Once I asked you,
and you answered with a rare smile and,
"Because it reminds me of you."
And then I wondered why I
should be remembered at all.
Sometimes you would look at me
and smile one of those quirky
and I would return the glance
and reply with a
We took the tails of comets
and added your tears to them
so they would shine brighter than any sun.
Then, you asked, Whats forever like?
I couldnt answer, because I was living it.
I stuffed my skin full of
your dying sighs and watched
them twinkle beneath my lips;
You docked my eyelashes with half-formed truths;
I saw through those lies and loved you
hide and don't seek.i remember how we'd go to the park.hide and don't seek.7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
the swings were rusty, remember? you were always the one pushing me in the autumn air, and i was always the one giddy with laughter. when we got tired, and our breaths came in shallow gasps, we'd go play games of hide and seek.
[your favorite hiding place was behind lies.]
sometimes i found you, crouched low to the ground smiling up at me. i was always scared that you wouldn't come out when i called 'i give up now.'
but you always gave yourself away to me, sometimes unwillingly.
[your deceptions were see-through, once i looked past the velvet curtains in your eyes]
i remember what missing you felt like.
it was like the music in my heart stopped playing. it was like i was pulling my hair out and biting my nails until they were bleeding and i was screaming, 'please come back, please come back.'
and when you did, i wished you hadn't.
this is how you managed to kill me, tearing pieces away from exactly the right places,
ripping, cutting, sla
theme two - lovei.theme two - love7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
you crackle with static energy that
shocks the nerves into kineticism
and makes him forget how to move
the tips of his fingers so they meet yours
you are popsicle skies and hazy
mouths that cloud his mind
and his wristwatch so that he loses
track of time when he looks in your eyes
you have molten hands that forge
through hills and valleys of good morning
smiles so that they wrap around his
heart and he melts in your hands
you bring butterflies and foolishness
like they are doggy bags of
necessary emotion and you want to
make sure he is well fed
there is something ringing in my ear
after he stretches out upon the grass
and cannot stop telling me that
your eyelashes whisper "home"
cut dreams with scissors01'cut dreams with scissors6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
lying beneath the ceiling
you search for stars
but only see glow in the dark
when you first showed me
they reminded me of cracks in
i cut my dreams in half with scissors
would have something to
live for too
the scars on your chest are beautiful
red lines like highway dividers or
i have my stories and you
together we will watch as the lines
letters to myself.dear self:letters to myself.7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
sometimes, i wonder where happiness goes
when it's lost.
i have checked
under my bed
for monsters and
there are none.
i have decided
the only kind of monsters
are the ones within
people, including myself.
i don't dream anymore.
i let the world
take my dreams from me
and throw them in the trash
because they said
'those will never come true'
and i believed them.
don't let them do the same
don't be afraid.
none of my wishes
have come true yet,
but this does not mean
i should stop hoping
and dreaming and
you can't make
people happy, and you can't
make them smile.
but you can still try.
i miss going outside
just to stare at the clouds walking
in the sky; tasting the air
and happiness; watching kids
play in the backyard next door
and not being a part of it
and being a part of it
all at once.
closing your eyes and
locking the doors and
praying this all goes away
will not sh
i should have never loved you.in that one moment, i wanted to stand up and hit him: i wanted to make him hurt, make him bleed, make him feel what he did to me. make him feel his lies and deceit, push it into his skin like a knife and letting the scarlet lies pour out for everyone to see.i should have never loved you.4 years ago in Emotional More Like This
every little lie, every "mia bella" came back to haunt me. every word that idly dripped out of his mouth that caressed and cared for me turned black and shriveled like a dead flower.
because every time he kissed me, he lied.
i can't believe i just let him string me along like that. he just turned me into some sort of flesh-and-blood puppet, tossed me around and stepped on me like garbage put on the curb for tuesday night pickup. he put me in a plastic bag with old coffee grounds and used condoms from a night when i wasn't there.
i should have never loved him.
falling.he told me:falling.7 years ago in Other More Like This
when i think of falling,
i think of comets and
insomnia and midnight
rushes of emotions and
breaking down just to feel
again. he told me
when i think of falling,
i think of you.
but this is okay, because
falling things cannot be
you have always been the most
beautiful in a quiet way, like how
the moon outshines the sun, and you
have dreams like uncut glass,
waiting to be shaped or dropped or
maybe both and
you promise you won't let me
but i think, i think that maybe
i already have and you can't
undo the past and there's no point
in trying and
you are the kind of dream
i never want
to wake up from.
papercuts and gashes.i. i think there ispapercuts and gashes.7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
between everyone and
just don't care enough
to try to cross
ii. i wish
i had the strength
to tell you how much
i miss you.
i didn't spend
my time wondering
if it would even
make a difference.
that this was just another
iii. papercuts hurt, but
at least they're
(i wish this
was only a
iv. if only
i could tell you
i could heal
my gashes so that
you'd never have to
suffer with me
v. this is me
saying i miss you.
this is me
trying to cross the distance,
trying to open up, again.
this is me.
and i'm sorry if it's not what you want.
If The Sun Could WhisperI watch as yourIf The Sun Could Whisper7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
latex skin, folds
against the breezes
and then melts into
Your lips smacked
poison against mine;
with our first kiss
I was already dying.
My mouth was
filled with holes
that leaked words
of unused wisdom and
I pretended to wonder about
the constellations that you
erased with your thumb.
your bones that
crashed into the earth.
But there were no
meteors to coat your fall.
How did you survive?
twenty-six.a.twenty-six.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Id rather die infamous,
than a nobody.
you informed me under the covers of last april.
but youd be my nobody, my fingers sang as they breezed past.
your eyes told me that would never be good enough.
13 was always your favorite number,
and I forever believed it was because its unlucky and
gets a lot of attention.
I gave you all the attention I could afford,
but in the end my bank account just wasnt big
enough to make you smile.
and one night last august, when we were
drunk off our own tears and self pity,
I asked what you wanted more than anything. when your
hazel eyes glazed over, you looked above you, searching
for the right answer.
the stars look pretty tonight, dont you think?
of course youd ask for the one thing I cant give you.
all we were was a couldhavebeen,
full of possibility and promise, all destined to go down the drain because
you couldnt accept
v e r t i g o. i. it's been so long since I've felt the static of your body burning my lungs.v e r t i g o.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I miss the sizzling pain of not being able to breathe.
(and holding my breath underwater just isn't the same.)
iii. I fell for you the hardest, but you still
broke me in a violently beautiful blur of swirling reds and grey.
with the vertigo worn off,
everything is empty without your smile.
v. the only letter you wrote me was on
black paper in green pen -
barely legible, but I think I liked it better that way.
then I could pretend you scrawled the words I want to see.
vii. our love was like hollywood;
or maybe the night sky.
thousands of stars
burning out in an instant.
(deny it all you want, but we were always the brightest.)
pieces of glass.i've watched the angelspieces of glass.7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
in your heart burn
their halos and rip out
shards of glass lodge
themselves in skin until
there's no hope of ever
pulling them out, until
they're a part of you;
the cold in the air
sink into me, until
sorrow is the only feeling
left in my bones;
people tear themselves apart,
and all that's left is
a pile of suffocating tears
and bloody fingernails
and broken hopes and dreams;
fairytale books erase their endings,
rewrite a tragedy
artificial lights in human minds
flicker and dim out,
and nothing is left
to chase away the shadows
lingering in corners;
i've watched them push
you down, give you bloody kneecaps
and force the fight out of you,
force you to give up.
[but i've seen you wipe the tears
from your eyes. i've seen you
find your strength back. i've
stand back up.]