glitter.you wrote me love letters from the passenger seat,
pressing stars to my eyelids and hearts to my forehead.
you wrote me lies.
like the summer months, you never stick around long enough to make a lasting impression.
winter always takes over, cold
fingertips washing away all past evidence of the blistering friction once there.
(the only way I made it through was remembering that
youre only another calendar away; that youll come back.
I dont think Ill make it through this time.)
Id write you every word in the french-english dictionary if only one would spark a memory.
you seem unable to reminisce and incapable of nostalgia.
(really, I think theyre powers you passed onto me, increasing mine tenfold.)
youre like something acidic, burning in my throat.
but all the way down, youre smoldering the word
you held me close with trembling hands,
telling me how I was your living reincarnation of
dropped dolls.i. like porcelain dolls, you always liked delicate things the most.dropped dolls.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
you breathed in my sea-glass ears when I asked you if that was why you chose me,
why you picked me out in a crowd of empty bodies and rosy faces.
you simply smiled and held my frail hands,
but my question was more than rhetorical.
(sometimes I think you like delicate things just because you can break them.)
iii. you were delicate in ways only I could see, with spider-web eyelashes and
piano-key fingers, rolling over my spine, creating melodies only we could hear.
your rose-petal lips screamed that you were stronger,
but inside harsh-coloured words I found your
trembling fears, bedside secrets.
(I wouldnt have broken you, even if God himself had offered me the galaxies, like
sparkling rubies in his palm.)
v. kissing you was like inhaling heroin,
intoxicated whispers lulling me to a dreamless sleep.
and the lows are worth it for the highs, and the
tears are worth the smiles.
dying stars.dear you,dying stars.6 years ago in General Non-Fiction More Like This
I know that the days are growing longer but the nights are growing colder, and I can see the shadows beneath your eyes. your skin is blemished and no matter how still you are, I see the technicolour wheels swirling behind your too-drowsy lids, brain working overtime, lips refusing to spill words of need and doubt. your breath falters more each day, dropping slowly like rain on an empty sidewalk, and I wonder if Im the only one who knows its there.
I watch you slip further down the drain.
I long to make you believe that I understand, that I get it. I was there too. I was there in the world of afterthoughts and ice-cold looks, where friends are just blood and bones, blood and bones. Ive lived where one day, your universe slips into night and you never seem to wake up, darkness embracing your arms, licking your fingertips. where youre just one star, about to combust.
did you know, that when stars die, it takes hundreds of year
needy.she told you that when she died,needy.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
she wanted her ashes thrown out over the atlantic.
you shut your eyes tight, refusing to think of the inevitable,
and traced your dry fingers over her collarbone.
(bone against bone sounds beautiful sometimes,
just as friction feels like flying, not falling.)
you twirled her hair on spindle fingers and broken hearts.
she was golden on the surface, beautiful and shining in
bokeh lights, body engulfed in the cities glow.
she would selfishly wish that she was golden on the inside too, that she could
shine and sparkle and not get lost in amber bottles and die on rain-splattered sidewalks.
not once did she think that maybe you were more
broken than she was.
apparently, she was always the one who needed the helping,
and you were always the one to bow down on one knee and give her
butterfly kisses and tender smiles.
but by the end of the month, your knees were skinned and bloody,
and by the end of the year, you were wishing that your legs would
cut dreams with scissors01'cut dreams with scissors6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
lying beneath the ceiling
you search for stars
but only see glow in the dark
when you first showed me
they reminded me of cracks in
i cut my dreams in half with scissors
would have something to
live for too
the scars on your chest are beautiful
red lines like highway dividers or
i have my stories and you
together we will watch as the lines
seven days.shes just a pile of white limbs passing outseven days.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
on a red canvas of
bedsheets and broken bones and splintered hearts.
she wakes up with tear-streaked eyes and her window panes
clouded with broken promises.
shed smile, but theres no fixing
other peoples mistakes.
she decides that we all have twins living in an alternate dimension, and
whenever they do something terribly wrong we get punished here. its really
the only way to explain why things just cant be fair.
she wouldnt mind life being just a game of chance, if she had better luck.
she wonders if fake smiles can buy her way into hearts. she wonders
if smiles can buy anything, anymore.
she needs to stop complaining.
she falls asleep with no will to live, praying that god
erase her permanently.
the sun rises red with apathy and regret. if he was there
he would dry her tears and kis
twenty-six.a.twenty-six.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Id rather die infamous,
than a nobody.
you informed me under the covers of last april.
but youd be my nobody, my fingers sang as they breezed past.
your eyes told me that would never be good enough.
13 was always your favorite number,
and I forever believed it was because its unlucky and
gets a lot of attention.
I gave you all the attention I could afford,
but in the end my bank account just wasnt big
enough to make you smile.
and one night last august, when we were
drunk off our own tears and self pity,
I asked what you wanted more than anything. when your
hazel eyes glazed over, you looked above you, searching
for the right answer.
the stars look pretty tonight, dont you think?
of course youd ask for the one thing I cant give you.
all we were was a couldhavebeen,
full of possibility and promise, all destined to go down the drain because
you couldnt accept
nightmares.i. theres only so much you can say untilnightmares.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
lips crack open and words fall short.
he prays that his rough hands and broken thoughts
can get the point across, but
feeble touches never sounded much like love.
ii. he talked of how many girls he fucked,
while you told him how many boys youve loved, and watched as
the numbers were almost the same.
sex and love are completely different. you informed him late one night.
I know. his fingers whispered as they brushed along the curve of your spine, not-quite-lovingly.
iii. the only feeling you become aware of is one of
confusion and murky lightheadedness, the world
spinning and falling in technicolour.
you would call yourself numb, but you cant distinguish
the difference between feeling nothing at all and
(is there even a difference?)
iv. sometimes he would swear that the nighttime was his time, and that
the place he felt most comfortable was the dirty streets behind your apa
blowing bubbles.last night weblowing bubbles.6 years ago in Other More Like This
watched the clouds
and you said:
you are beautiful.
and i am afraid
that i might one day
actually believe you
sometimes i feel like
i'm just this big bundle
of problems and i have
been searching and
i can't find the answers.
you told me that the answers
are in blowing bubbles and
tying shoe laces and chasing
dreams, but honestly i just
understand. i have tried
to chase my dreams but
they only run away.
you told me that you can't
stand how i sound when i
give up and the hope
is knocked out of me and
you can't stand me when
i am busy counting
the empty spaces in the
walls and in my heart
and you said you
can't stand me anymore,
love is not a game.
but then, how
did i end up
hide and don't seek.i remember how we'd go to the park.hide and don't seek.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
the swings were rusty, remember? you were always the one pushing me in the autumn air, and i was always the one giddy with laughter. when we got tired, and our breaths came in shallow gasps, we'd go play games of hide and seek.
[your favorite hiding place was behind lies.]
sometimes i found you, crouched low to the ground smiling up at me. i was always scared that you wouldn't come out when i called 'i give up now.'
but you always gave yourself away to me, sometimes unwillingly.
[your deceptions were see-through, once i looked past the velvet curtains in your eyes]
i remember what missing you felt like.
it was like the music in my heart stopped playing. it was like i was pulling my hair out and biting my nails until they were bleeding and i was screaming, 'please come back, please come back.'
and when you did, i wished you hadn't.
this is how you managed to kill me, tearing pieces away from exactly the right places,
ripping, cutting, sla
Fifteen Things1.Fifteen Things6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I lied about never
getting in trouble in school;
once I was in a time
out in kindergarten--
I never said so,
but you already knew.
I don't think I ever
lived my life without
the hidden motive
to hurt myself.
Once and a while,
I pretend I'm still alive.
I make myself talk
when he does
my mouth feels glued
shut. It hurts to
let myself breathe
deep after the words take my air.
I'd rather be hyper-aware than
unaware. That's why the
blood wins over drugs. The
endorphins work better than
hallucinogenics ever will.
I don't think I know
what love means anymore.
Maybe I never really
did. I must have been lying.
I imitate people because I
will never be as good as they
are. I feel like maybe
by copying them,
someone who likes them might
also like me.
I am as bad as the one
whose name I sometimes refuse to
If I hadn't left him I
think I probably would have
They gave me pills for anxiety but
I told everyone they were
for depression becau
v e r t i g o. i. it's been so long since I've felt the static of your body burning my lungs.v e r t i g o.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I miss the sizzling pain of not being able to breathe.
(and holding my breath underwater just isn't the same.)
iii. I fell for you the hardest, but you still
broke me in a violently beautiful blur of swirling reds and grey.
with the vertigo worn off,
everything is empty without your smile.
v. the only letter you wrote me was on
black paper in green pen -
barely legible, but I think I liked it better that way.
then I could pretend you scrawled the words I want to see.
vii. our love was like hollywood;
or maybe the night sky.
thousands of stars
burning out in an instant.
(deny it all you want, but we were always the brightest.)
countdown.five.countdown.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
i wish to disappear
between the cracks in
cement, the stars in the
sky and the spaces between
seconds. i wish to disappear
from the world; hide and become
but i'm too terrified
that no one will bother
to remember me.
fading. light is less
bright, the colors of the world
less vibrant. life
and hope and happiness
feel like the
stars - close enough
to see; too far to ever
i am at the door
to your heart. i knock,
my voice pleading for you to
just hear me, just
hear me, please.
i keep knocking until i
finally realize -
no one is home.
fingernails digging into
skin, lungs burning.
there is no escape,
there is no
escape. i scream
until life suffocates me,
until i have no voice
left, and all that remains is
i am counting down
to my own destruction.
everything you do, anything
you say -
well, it's all
g a l a x i e s.i. all of my friends mean a lot to me,g a l a x i e s.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
but you, you meant more than: the universe
the galaxies and every gold mine.
(please note the past tense.)
ii. it's January now, and although I feel the world should appear
vastly different, it just comes off as
bleakly the same.
(like a record stuck on repeat,
stuttering over the same broken rhythm.)
iii. I think I'll miss your hair in the summer, your
lips in the winter and your
fingers every day in between.
(they were always too careless and cracked.)
iv. caffeine is all that's fuelling me now, mixed in with some
harsh rock tunes, bad poetry and
(you used to be my reason for living.)
one planet too many.i.one planet too many.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
the substance of dreams
is hidden inside my cheek,
involuted kisses hiding nightly
where no sleight of eye will see
the same shame that crawls under
my blood like some flawless secret
residing in the hollows of my heart.
it is too early to see the stars. you
are hiding behind cloudy dreams, waiting
for them to find you, your
frost-bitten heart and crashing hopes held
in the folds of your hand.
the minutes are running away, and you wonder
if maybe you're too far gone
for them to ever find you.
or maybe the sky is too close to see,
the seconds too long to hold. every point
of light is somebody's sun and when i read
your future in my palms, you are all but absent.
i am only a star to you. how
can you skip this space and see
the hidden place when it is still
too bright to grasp at galaxies?
you were the kind of beautiful that was
vanishing, like patterns in the sky and
lines of happiness etched onto your soul and
magical moments that are always there
but not always felt.
crashing.'think of yourself as a breath of air,' he tells me. 'compared to the overall atmosphere, you are tiny. insignificant.'crashing.6 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
'but someone out there is breathing you in,' he continues. 'they're living off of you. you are the oxygen in their lungs, running through their veins and keeping them alive.'
i think that i'd be the polluted kind of air. the kind nobody wants. the kind that ends up killing people.
but i keep these thoughts inside.
'if i fell, would you catch me?' i ask, your fingers cold in mine.
'the crash is never as bad as they make it sound,' he says cryptically.
i take this to mean no.
'what do i remind you of?' you ask.
i have no answer.
but one day, i will find it.
and i'll write you a letter, because we both know you'll be long gone by then.
you remind me of dreams.
sometimes, i'll wake up from them happy. sometimes, i'll be afraid and crying.
sometimes, i'll just wake up empty.
but in the end -
i never can hang onto them.
theme two - lovei.theme two - love6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
you crackle with static energy that
shocks the nerves into kineticism
and makes him forget how to move
the tips of his fingers so they meet yours
you are popsicle skies and hazy
mouths that cloud his mind
and his wristwatch so that he loses
track of time when he looks in your eyes
you have molten hands that forge
through hills and valleys of good morning
smiles so that they wrap around his
heart and he melts in your hands
you bring butterflies and foolishness
like they are doggy bags of
necessary emotion and you want to
make sure he is well fed
there is something ringing in my ear
after he stretches out upon the grass
and cannot stop telling me that
your eyelashes whisper "home"
Beneath the SmogShe wears moonbeams and a silky, white starBeneath the Smog6 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
letting brilliant ideas foam at her lips,
never believing she'd go that far.
Dreams gone wrong by defiled hips
answering with a mandatory moan;
trading filthy words for better tips,.
When his words slip from the phone
Thoughts spring back to whispered promises.
Her heart beats to the dial-tone.
ocean burning.one.ocean burning.6 years ago in Other More Like This
before she met you, she would reach for the sun while standing on the branches of trees, arms stretched towards the sunlight, reaching and waiting.
now, happiness is like a summer memory in the dead of winter - still there, but fading too fast to hold onto. now, she sits on rooftops with you at night, and the two of you watch as the city lights go out one by one.
sometimes, when you laughed, she was reminded of the wind rushing through trees in winter - melodic and beautiful, but still cold, unforgiving.
the two of you watched the waves of the ocean take away the beach, piece by piece.
you were the waves.
she was the sand.
you'd stay up late and watch re-runs of old movies on tv, all the while wishing you had a road map to hope, because
maybe then you wouldn't feel so lost. you looked at the stars and saw happiness and wondered why you couldn't be up there, and all the time
you were missing the present.
she wished she was a volcano, and maybe then she'd explode a
wishes on paper stars.i cut out paper stars and color them black. on starless nights, i drop them from my rooftop and watch them fall, slowly, and fade into the grass below.wishes on paper stars.6 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
and as they fall, i wish on them. it's the same wish, over and over and over.
'what do you want most?' you ask me, your warm brown eyes staring into my dark ones.
but i have to look away. i'll never be able to tell you that the only thing i want anymore is for you to be happy.
'i'm sorry,' i tell you over the phone, my eyes staring at an empty wall in my room.
'for what?' you ask, confused.
'i failed,' i say, wrapping a blanket around me. 'i failed.'
because none of those wishes have come true.
snowflakes.in july, i cut out paper snowflakes and colored them rainbow, then taped them to the inside of my window.snowflakes.6 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
"what's with the snowflakes?" you asked, confused, when you noticed them.
"i like snowflakes," i replied simply.
"but it's july. it never snows in july, so why put snowflakes up?" you asked, still puzzled.
i said, "because if a miracle happens and it does snow, the inside will match the outside for once."
you asked, after a moment's pause, "why color them rainbow?"
"because not everything is black and white."
but you never understood. later, you tore them down, and i caught you feeding them to a candle's flames.
it was foggy the day you left.
i made a handprint on your back window so you'd have something to remember me by.
but, like memories, it slowly faded.
i wrote you a letter.
i miss the way you drew hearts on my hand; the way your hair looked in the wind. i miss the color of your eyes and the way your skin felt on mine.
i'm still trying to decide if i miss <i>
sore.five. missing you is a constant ache, lodging itself in my spine, stingingsore.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
acidically in the corners of my mouth.
all I can taste is metal, metal, metal.
four. youre in every corner of every room, in every corner of my mind.
and on most days, I dont know if any of this is worth it.
I just wish I could let you go.
three. memories shaking me, smashing against my mind in exact beat with my heart.
and I still feel your fingertips sometimes,
raking my skin like its last year.
two. your words get harsher every day, and your face gets more reckless.
but every day Im breaking,
becoming eventually more subdued.
one more day without you is one more day I cant take.
skyscrapers.i used to reach for you, likeskyscrapers.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
standing on tip-toes on a
skyscraper to reach the sky,
but you were always just out of reach
and I was out of place
and somehow my soul got lost in the atmosphere.
i lose myself in the memories of
us and wonder how much of it was ever
was i a fool
for believing you
[i'm afraid that the answer
sometimes i look at my life
and wonder where you went
until i realize it doesn't
matter. the only thing that matters
is that you are
your love is a disease,
and i have no cure.
my soul is lost.
i live my life as an
empty shell, watching
the lights flickering
and wonder how long it will be
before they all
you are my 911,
but when i call,
no one answers.
you remain my untouched demented heart.
i am afraid for losing what we have
[but then i fear weve already lost.]
letters to myself.dear self:letters to myself.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
sometimes, i wonder where happiness goes
when it's lost.
i have checked
under my bed
for monsters and
there are none.
i have decided
the only kind of monsters
are the ones within
people, including myself.
i don't dream anymore.
i let the world
take my dreams from me
and throw them in the trash
because they said
'those will never come true'
and i believed them.
don't let them do the same
don't be afraid.
none of my wishes
have come true yet,
but this does not mean
i should stop hoping
and dreaming and
you can't make
people happy, and you can't
make them smile.
but you can still try.
i miss going outside
just to stare at the clouds walking
in the sky; tasting the air
and happiness; watching kids
play in the backyard next door
and not being a part of it
and being a part of it
all at once.
closing your eyes and
locking the doors and
praying this all goes away
will not sh
falling.he told me:falling.6 years ago in Other More Like This
when i think of falling,
i think of comets and
insomnia and midnight
rushes of emotions and
breaking down just to feel
again. he told me
when i think of falling,
i think of you.
but this is okay, because
falling things cannot be
you have always been the most
beautiful in a quiet way, like how
the moon outshines the sun, and you
have dreams like uncut glass,
waiting to be shaped or dropped or
maybe both and
you promise you won't let me
but i think, i think that maybe
i already have and you can't
undo the past and there's no point
in trying and
you are the kind of dream
i never want
to wake up from.