I forgot to forget you.
Once you told me you didn't like the way I curl myself towards you
And that I shouldn't walk with my feet facing the other because it was childlike
I took the long way home that night thinking about what you said, staring at my feet
Forcing them to point forward. Every time they disobeyed I pinched myself till my thighs were anesthetized,
So now I cant feel my legs.
Ive always written the words youve said to me and posted them around my room,
I'd bite my lip, as the sun hit the L in useless,
Us-(e)-less. Imaging the way the words rolled off your tongue
That day I found you sitting on the edge of my bed reading your words,
The sunlight hit your nose as you stared at that L in useless.
Your top lip quivered as your bottom lip cringed
You pulled them down
I called you the next day,
You had the voice of last years cough
And your phone
The Yellowiest DecemberShe was atheist andThe Yellowiest December6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
he was a painter who
believed in everything
and the world, the glories
it held, endless fountains of
knowledge to be obtained.
"It's an amazing situation,"
he mused, running his hands
through her red hair.
She believed in asbestos,
that it was her favorite
color and he believed that she
needed more things to believe in.
He ate cranberry sauce while she
read him poetry about cats and disciples
and classical compositions and the
relevance in it all. It
was all he could do to say, "Wow,"
staring at the sky, effusion of clouds
draining, pouring out before dispersing.
Her blue flower dress smelt of
chamomile and tulips and she wore a
yellow chrysanthemum in her hair, his
head rested in her lap, her breathing
Flash cards and timer reminders on
PDA's kept him remembering every
little nuance. "This cupcake is in
celebration of the fifth time
I kissed you and made you blush."
She blushed again before becoming
flustered. A mental note, Twenty-fifth
i'm not your wintergirl.you're looking for thei'm not your wintergirl.5 years ago in Haiku & Eastern More Like This
seasons in this silence since
we've gotten too cold.
before things broke.She was beautiful, once.before things broke.6 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
But that was before.
Before, she would play in the river with her daughter. At winter, it would snow, but nothing would freeze over. She wondered how, and her daughter would laugh and say, its because I asked for this.
Daddy left them a long time ago. He left for work and she said, Ill see you later, honey. He just said, yeah. Yeah, sure.
He didnt come back.
That was December. Its May, now, and she still misses him but her daughter doesnt. April says he was mean to her, she didnt really know him, he never really cared. Why should she care if hes gone? He was no good to you, Mommy, he really wasnt, she says.
She remembers those times as the good times, though, and nothing April says will change that.
She remembers how shed get snowflakes in her hair. She was healthy to go outside back then. April says it doesnt matter, it never snows in May anyway.
She remembers she had long
crashing.'think of yourself as a breath of air,' he tells me. 'compared to the overall atmosphere, you are tiny. insignificant.'crashing.6 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
'but someone out there is breathing you in,' he continues. 'they're living off of you. you are the oxygen in their lungs, running through their veins and keeping them alive.'
i think that i'd be the polluted kind of air. the kind nobody wants. the kind that ends up killing people.
but i keep these thoughts inside.
'if i fell, would you catch me?' i ask, your fingers cold in mine.
'the crash is never as bad as they make it sound,' he says cryptically.
i take this to mean no.
'what do i remind you of?' you ask.
i have no answer.
but one day, i will find it.
and i'll write you a letter, because we both know you'll be long gone by then.
you remind me of dreams.
sometimes, i'll wake up from them happy. sometimes, i'll be afraid and crying.
sometimes, i'll just wake up empty.
but in the end -
i never can hang onto them.
Acutorsion She wanted to study killer whales and polar icecaps. Instead, she found herself studying his killer smile and the freckles floating across his collar bone. She liked pretending they were icebergs, trapped in his frosty smooth skin, and that if she could just get beneath the ice shed find her oceanic heaven.Acutorsion6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
Later, she found herself studying her face and the colors and pigments the human epidermis could turn after. She counted the number of black and blue islands and continents forming on her skin, took strategic note of their location, and mapped them out by memory so she could tell her hands of wind and ships of soap to go gently along the shoals. There was always one she missed.
She named him after the moons of Neptune
I Am Afraid Of My Own VoiceYou are an entire universe full of stars;I Am Afraid Of My Own Voice6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
tiny droplets of light,
that integrate to become a part of me.
You inflate my heart,
it was made of paper but now
reminds me of odd-shaped balloons,
to sizes that can not be measured.
I've tried to count the reasons.
that I l-o-v-e you.
But come up short to a million every time.
I am always reminded of your love,
(As if I'd let myself forget.)
Your smile serves as my Polaris:
Ribbons are fastened about my tongue;
I am more than flabbergasted
because there's a part of you in every word.
WonderlandWith laced up fingers, I noticedWonderland6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
That your heart was undone.
You laughed with sad embarrassment,
(it slid down from your lips, coating my cheeks with heat)
staring down at the cutting red heart
beneath your fingers
And said Ive never learned how to tie it.
PhalangesFinger bones creaked as I reached out,
Shaking out rusted flakes between the hinged joints.
I realized I was out of practice.
Bunny ears. Soft and warm
under glass cold nervous fingertips.
12poetry125 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
should only be
b r o a d s h e e t s -
[where the ink is tangible where words have faces
words rush between my metaphors are never lies
fingers: tasting the grit. all similies are smiles like hers.]
Broken.i.Broken.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
My mother doesnt wear her wedding
ring anymore. Instead, it sits on the
counter above the kitchen sink, like
she took it off while washing dishes
and forgot to put it back on; but Ive
seen her pick it up and wipe the counter
and walk away, like she no longer
recognized it as her own.
She and I have the same long, slim
fingers, except hers are clean and
manicured and tanned, theyre used
to flipping through old books, still
delicate and fragile, with arthritic
veins tracing through; Mine have
always been pale and torn up and
raw from anxious nerves, tough
callused finger tips from encounters
with cello strings and piano keys.
She takes care of herself, but I think
shes given up on taking care of me.
Sometimes, we leave, just her and I;
we get into her car and drive and
drive and drive until weve lost the
things that are dragging around our
ankles and weighing us down; Our
adventures tend to lead us where
the thoughts drown the fastest
to my motherFor nine long months, you held me in your womb,to my mother6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Coping with every issue I caused you;
Morning sickness, mood swings, cravings, swollen ankles.
Your body rejected me, but you never did.
I was born two weeks before your birthday;
You suffered amazing pain and kept your eyes on the clock.
You delivered me at ten-thirteen at night,
The moon watching your little baby arrive
When even the sun had given up seeing you through this;
But through this, you were,
And you cradled me in your arms, cooing and smiling and falling in love with me the second you saw me.
I was covered in membranes, colored yellow from jaundice, wailing.
I was tiny and fragile and noisy,
But you thought I was beautiful.
In the next months,
I cried throughout the nights, forcing you awake when you needed the sleep most.
You cradled me, I spit up on you
You hugged me, I sobbed
You cried, I cried.
I was part of you.
In the following years,
I was your porcelain doll,
Strangers telling you exactly how beautiful your little gir
papercuts and gashes.i. i think there ispapercuts and gashes.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
between everyone and
just don't care enough
to try to cross
ii. i wish
i had the strength
to tell you how much
i miss you.
i didn't spend
my time wondering
if it would even
make a difference.
that this was just another
iii. papercuts hurt, but
at least they're
(i wish this
was only a
iv. if only
i could tell you
i could heal
my gashes so that
you'd never have to
suffer with me
v. this is me
saying i miss you.
this is me
trying to cross the distance,
trying to open up, again.
this is me.
and i'm sorry if it's not what you want.
railroad crossingshe pulled up and parked.railroad crossing5 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
as she lit a cigarette, she thought about all the hours left in the day, and all the things left undone.
she thought about her neighbor, a strange cat lady, and how her ridiculous amount of cats made the building stink, and how her downstairs neighbor cooked meth in his kitchen, and how sadly ironic it was that a drug-addict was constantly slaving over the stove and always growing thinner.
she thought about the school children, and how some of them would go home to a nice, warm meal and a bedtime story, while others went home to a beating and an empty stomach, while still others went home and killed themselves while their parents were arguing downstairs or fucking down the hall.
she thought about the lovers in the cafes, and how they'd smile at each other across the table, maybe ask the waiter to take a picture of them, knowing he wouldn't notice how one of the boy's hands was still under the table, knowing the girl would keep her face composed for the picture
hearts.I think its funny how everyone draws hearts but no one bothers to fill them in.hearts.6 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
So theyre always empty?
A pause, and then, sadly: So theyre like yours.
I wish I could fill your heart in for you. I have a black pen, do you think itll help any?
When I say hearts, what do you think of?
They make things run.
But they die.
Some are rechargeable.
And most arent.
My heart gets lonely, some days. It feels like its the only star in the sky. It misses you, sometimes.
But no one was listening.
punctualAt night she rested her forehead between his collarbones and refused to put her ear to his chest cavity. She said she was afraid to hear his heartbeat.punctual6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
I am broken inside and I do not want to envy other clockwork organs. Dont let me hear the tick-tock of all that I am missing.
He wrapped his arms around her and whispered into her hair that he would fix her; his skin was punctured with metal and his bones had snapped before, but if he could be whole then so could she. She shook her head and tried to dream. She fell asleep to the words,
Ill collect your pieces, sunshine, and put them back together.
When she fell asleep he pulled back the moonlit sheets and covered her in butterfly-kiss gazes. Her hipbones and ribs were all angles and geometric structures protruding from a flat plane. He tried to will them to life with nervous grazes and stuttering words, but they refused to arch to meet his touch; they did not thrum with racing heartbeats. He pulled hi
Decide To BreatheI had it all figured out. I was going to go home after work, feed my dog, and then take a whole bottle of anti-depressants. I'm a coward, I know. Not man enough to use a gun or jump. Want to get it over with in a "peaceful" way. I was ready to die. I wanted to die. She ruined it all. Her and her pink hair and thin fingers grasping cigarettes. Her and her sad eyes and even sadder stories. I had it all figured out...Decide To Breathe5 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
It was a cold day, I was walking home with my hands in my pockets and my breath frosting in the air. Fuckin' October and it felt like the middle of December. I was counting the moments to my demise when I saw her. She was leaning against a streetlight, her lips pursed around her smoke. Her hair was bright pink, her lipstick the shade of blueberries. I'd never seen anyone so strange.
I was just about to pass her when she said, "Suicide is a sin, you know."
I paused. "Excuse me?"
"At least that's what they say. I'm not real religious, but it's what I've heard."
The TeacherWe met without formality. He was finishing college and I was a freshman. There were no common threads between us, but we managed to win each others trust in days. He became an instant necessity, and I am sure, I was no less the same.The Teacher6 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
It was a long night, just got out from a relationship. Painful wouldnt even describe it, it was beyond pain, it was a curse. So I wallowed myself over the net, hoping to crash into something that would counter my nights mantra, men are morons.
My fingers were busy catching up with my thoughts, I was preoccupied with the different windows that I am talking with, and each window, I was a different person. The splendor of the chat room, the power of technology, the advantage of the anonymous were the new lawless humming in my thoughts. I was able to keep my balance, I forgot to collapse.
We were chatting for days and it went on for weeks and longer, that I decided to stop counting. That time, he was the only thing that was constant. Each nig
glitter.you wrote me love letters from the passenger seat,glitter.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
pressing stars to my eyelids and hearts to my forehead.
you wrote me lies.
like the summer months, you never stick around long enough to make a lasting impression.
winter always takes over, cold
fingertips washing away all past evidence of the blistering friction once there.
(the only way I made it through was remembering that
youre only another calendar away; that youll come back.
I dont think Ill make it through this time.)
Id write you every word in the french-english dictionary if only one would spark a memory.
you seem unable to reminisce and incapable of nostalgia.
(really, I think theyre powers you passed onto me, increasing mine tenfold.)
youre like something acidic, burning in my throat.
but all the way down, youre smoldering the word
you held me close with trembling hands,
telling me how I was your living reincarnation of
2. Lovei. Your starshine kisses2. Love6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
taste of forever and your
sunset smiles speak of never
[never be alone].
ii. We are separated by
ten-thousand deaths and three
inches and we will never be
[if we don't try].
iii. The ocean of us will have
a bottom, dear; everything does
and we will reach it someday.
[Maybe it will take a lifetime to reach.]
iv. We will live immortal in the
creases of joined hands and
whispered smiles. We will exist
in held breaths and shared secrets.
[We will always be |us|.]
v. I am a sunflower,
and you are my sun.
[I will always need you.]
ImaginaryI want to know more than I'll ever be taught.Imaginary5 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
I want to forget what I know.
In the web that is truth and defense, I am caught
And the lies are beginning to show.
Life can create the most witty of fools.
And I'm the most foolish of all.
Fate threw the rope that could save me from harm
And instead I just let myself fall.
So I'm leaving the world misfortune has drawn
And I'm sketching a place of my own.
It is beauty and freedom and bendable lines
And the only true safety I've known
But the doors are all locked, the windows are barred
To be safe is a trick I can hone.
I'll stay far away from your dangerous world.
I'd much rather be safe and alone.
.::.questions.::.i..::.questions.::.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
you told me you believed in god
when i asked why, you said
"there've been situations where i should've died, but i didn't."
when i asked if you wanted to die,
you looked at me, then looked away and said,
"not anymore, i don't."
[i started crying when you said you wanted to die. you not existing anymore is still the most painful thing to think of.]
you told me i was the reason you were still alive
when i asked why, you said
"you give my life reason."
when i asked how,
"it's my job to keep you happy."
[you succeeded in making me happy. i was the happiest i've ever been. now i'm more sad than i ever have been, too.
tell me when your heart stopswe are laying in cradles of heart stopping emotions, running through our hair on a sunday morning, and after confession and around mytell me when your heart stops5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
rose colored rosaries. i want you to know that when you leave, i will be watching from our curtained bed room window and i line up plants under my feet because if i am going to cry the water might as well be
put to good use. tell me when you stop thinking, or stop breathing. tell me
when you hear silence so keen in the air you run back to me and realize,
i am gone. i never existed. tell me
when you loved me.
so that i can forget.
Fifteen Things1.Fifteen Things6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I lied about never
getting in trouble in school;
once I was in a time
out in kindergarten--
I never said so,
but you already knew.
I don't think I ever
lived my life without
the hidden motive
to hurt myself.
Once and a while,
I pretend I'm still alive.
I make myself talk
when he does
my mouth feels glued
shut. It hurts to
let myself breathe
deep after the words take my air.
I'd rather be hyper-aware than
unaware. That's why the
blood wins over drugs. The
endorphins work better than
hallucinogenics ever will.
I don't think I know
what love means anymore.
Maybe I never really
did. I must have been lying.
I imitate people because I
will never be as good as they
are. I feel like maybe
by copying them,
someone who likes them might
also like me.
I am as bad as the one
whose name I sometimes refuse to
If I hadn't left him I
think I probably would have
They gave me pills for anxiety but
I told everyone they were
for depression becau