Twilight-Uncensored Ch.1ReviewTwilight-Uncensored Ch.1Review3 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Review of Chapter One
By Stephenie Meyer
Years have gone since I've first run into a little thing called Twilight and now I've come to the part of the getting over it and letting kids have their fun, but in all this I've decided to trudge through this pile of shit and actually reread it for the first time since I took an exacto knife and cut a hole out of my only -stolen- copy.
Please note that I'm doing this not only for my own closure, but for your entertainment. I am reading this. I am not enjoying it, but I also want to lay to rest every beef I have with Twilight. [Though just the first book, the others can rot in hell.]
Lastly, I'll probably be dropping a lot of F-bombs and various other angry letter bombs. Deal with it.
Now, on with the horror fest, where we start with the preface.
As plain as you can possibly get, the preface of Twilight says nothing while saying a whole god forsaken paragraph. The tone of the paragraph honestly reminds me of w
HOW TO AVOID BEING TROLLEDHOW TO AVOID BEING TROLLED3 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Welcome to my deviantART guide on how to avoid & handle trolls and other conflicts. Following the advice given here will help you in being a better deviant, and enhance your overall experience within the community.
I would like to point out a few basic things before we begin.
You are a part of deviantART, which is a community with a vast population of individuals.
These individuals have their own opinions, views, talents, etc. They, also, have distinct personalities and attitudes. These deviants are here for their own personal reasons, as are you. They're people.
You, being a part of deviantART, must understand that you'll be sharing your art, opinions and sometimes even life, on this very public website.
You must accept that, out of the big mass of individuals, several will not agree with what you do or what you think, several will not like your art, your posts, your journals, everyth
Twilight-Uncensored Ch.2ReviewTwilight-Uncensored Ch.2Review3 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Review of Chapter Two
By Stephenie Meyer
Okay, so I'm back again with the second chapter of Twilight.
Just like last time, I'm going to start off by saying that I'm going into this with a perspective that may be harsh, too critical and possibly laced with more F-bombs than an Eminem song. I'm giving you the view of Twilight as raw from me as possible. This is also just for fun guys. I'm not torturing myself too much, because I love to rant and rave like the next bastard and you like to be entertained. Don't lie. Fuckers.
Last time I started on the book with the preface and chapter one; introducing the character Bella and a brief glimpse of Edward Cullen. Bella is "new" to Forksdespite being from Forks and visiting every summer for fourteen years. Her first day of school and run-in with the teen heart throb Edward Cullen has left her off in the previous chapter as having a break down in her little go-go mobile.
And this is where we begin the illustrious
HOW TO WRITE YAOI.SO, YOU WANT TO WRITE TEH BEST YAOI EVARR??!11?HOW TO WRITE YAOI.5 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
HOW TO WRITE A BL COMIC--ER, MANGA STORY BY DAIOH--SAKURA AT DEVIANTART.COM.
DESCRIPTION: Guide on how to write TEH BEST YAOI EVARR.
You love to see boys doing the nasty. You love to write about boys doing the nasty. Maybe you love to draw boys doing the nasty. HEY, U NOE WAT??! Maybe you should write a yaoi web comic.
All the cool kids are doing it. And if you do it right, you can become Teh Popularz. Because everyone likes to see men getting it on. And if they dont, theyre probably douche bags. You know that, and I know that.
All you need are a few basic guidelines, DESU~ I have used my Genius Typing Skillz to create a point system for writing your own BL story.
PART ONE: PLOT
Throw it away.
Yaoi is about SEX, you dumbshit. The more plot you have, the more the reader is distracted from your seme and ukes sexy burning passion. God. MINU
Quick Guide: Story OrganizingA Quick Guide to Organizing Your Fantasy/Sci-Fi NovelQuick Guide: Story Organizing3 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
I'm going to try and briefly cover World Building specifically for Fantasy and Science Fiction (though it will apply in general to any setting), both major and minor Characters, and some basics of Timeline here. I am not going to walk you step by step through how to write your own story, but you should (hopefully) get some useful tips out of this.
I never used to organize my novels before I started writing. I have so many stories in my head, I would just pick one and start writing. I didn't have trouble keeping to the same details of a given character because I knew them so well. But after taking such a long break from writing Missing Puzzle Pieces, I really needed to do some serious work. I don't remember all the details I had in my head back when I started... in fact, I've completely forgotten the original ending. For those of you who don't know my story, which starts
How To 'Flesh Out' an OCHow To 'Flesh Out' an OC3 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
The aggregate of features and traits that form the
individual nature of some person or thing.
In this tutorial I will guide you through a way to 'flesh out' an Original Character (Also known as an OC). Before we begin, let's go through the basics.
A character is quite simply one who possesses qualities that define them from someone else. Every character is original and unique. A character can not only be human, but an animal, an alien, or anything that the imagination can come up with.
However, characters are often difficult to create, because to put it bluntly, you are in a sense creating a new being. This being needs the same kinds of traits and characteristics you possess, but can't be your own. They have to be original. In this case, many young writers and artists forget how hard it is to make a character and forget the complex details that enhance a character.
Fleshing out is a term used commonly in developing characters. It means to add additional det
Twilight-Uncensored Ch.4ReviewTwilight-Uncensored Ch.4Review3 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Review of Chapter Four
By Stephenie Meyer
Quick recap from previous chapters tell you that Bella Swan moved to Forks because she's a masochist, every boy in the world must be in love with her [even if they're gay] and Tyler's van didn't succeed in its assassination mission. Quite a riveting tale, no?
So here I go again, with my bag of F-bombs, Wonka Runts, the Terminator 4 Sound Track and a crappy book that's probably not even worth being drug across my ass.
Mainly because who really wants hard paper on their backside? I don't. I like my soft tissue. It's got puppies and shit on the logo.
In the beginning of this chapter, Bella described a dream where apparently Edward has a severe case of radiation and probably need to be contaminated. She's trying to run toward him and can't seem to catch up.
For god's sake woman, hasn't anyone told you not to go toward the light? You like die or something. Is it just me, or is Edward being the light in this da
How Not to Tell a StoryAfter being on DeviantArt for a few years now, I've noticed patterns in people's stories. Patterns, that I can't say I've ever seen until I started using the internet. I believe that's because these kind of patterns are thoroughly unprofessional. The pattern in short is this:How Not to Tell a Story1 year ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Character = victim
Plot = bad things happening to said victim
Maybe this sounds harsh. It's not if you understand that is ALL there is to these stories. They take any character, hurl them into a tragedy and that's it.
Let's get this straight: We do not know your character well enough to care about them yet. No matter how bloody and gutty their injuries are, no matter how many of their family members are deceased, no matter what their boyfriend did to them, no matter what kind of disease they have, WE. DO. NOT. CARE!!!!!
These kind of things are sad in themselves, but WHO is this person we're supposed to feel so horrible for? Establish THAT. It should be your absolute FIRST priority: no exceptions.
No more pasting
THE Zombie Survival Guide*This part is for newbies. Skip down to the dashes if you already know this stuff.*THE Zombie Survival Guide3 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Okay, so first of all, a zombie is a reanimated corpse that lurches around looking for human flesh. Different breeds may be reasoned with, or even "cured" back to the original personality. However, the most typical zombies:
-Are incoherent. They will not be reasoned with or threatened.
-They don't sleep.
-They seem to like brains, but most will settle for a nice hunk of your flesh.
-The come in different speeds, from crawling to shambling to running. Most are shambling along at a slow slow walk.
-They do not drown or asphyxiate.
-Some will burn easily while others will not burn at all.
-Most zombies will "die" from severe damage to the head.
-It is said they are attracted by sound, but this varies.
-VERY IMPORTANT: The most dangerous thing about zombies is that if they bite you and you die before your brain is destroyed, you will come back to life as ANOTHER ZOMBIE. That's how they spread their numbers
What I've Learned From dAWhat I've Learned From the Staff at dAWhat I've Learned From dA4 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
-You have to cough up some cash if you want to actively request helpful Critique
-Your satisfaction and artistic well-being is not as important as gimmicks to make a couple of bucks
-If you want a worth-while royalty from selling your Prints you better hope some shmuck is willing to pay thirty dollars for a 4" x 6" unframed photograph
-Tracing is okay
-Bases are art
-You can steal as many images as you like if the original artist isn't the one reporting you
-Even if the original artist isn't on dA or is dead and so can't report it themselves
-If the picture isn't exactly the same as the original you can keep it up even if the original artist reports it
-But you can't make Stamps with non-original images; THAT is watched for
-Instead of banning a problem user who has several times broken the rules and has had their art removed several times, we'll just give the people who report them a little scolding about playing nice on the interwebs
-And when t
100 themes challenge list100 themes100 themes challenge list4 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
10. New arrival
11. Dream land
14. Forbidden love
42. It wasn't me
43. He did it
44. The dog ate it
45. Run away
50. On top of the world
51. Feeling good
52. A night under the stars
53. Please go away
54. Running from your problems
57. Pretty girl
58. Handsome man
76. No hope
79. Light at the end of the tunnel
Twilight-Uncensored Ch.3ReviewTwilight-Uncensored Ch.3Review3 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Review of Chapter Three
By Stephenie Meyer
And so with a handful of Wonka Runts, I have returned once more to read an overrated book and give you five minutes of half baked amusement.
Last chapter left off with Bella in her truck, her panties in a twist as she got to learn what it felt like to have someone staring at her intensely. Her conversation with Mr. Sexy Face revealed that Bella is a self sacrificing saint, out to make her mom happy at her own expense. [You know, on top of being an honor's student, reading every book ever printed, and being the wife her dad needed.]
Chapter three picks up the next morning, Bella noting the snow and how much she wants to see Edward. That's normal, I suppose. When I was a young teenage girl in high school I was all over the handsome boys that .
Wait a minute.
I have to get my pink skirt and lace top on so I can slip myself into the story here. I have the legs for this. I really do. Just don't lift the skirt and we
How To Make a Worth It FemaleWarning: Excessive Cursing AheadHow To Make a Worth It Female4 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Women have come a long way in society and in real life. This has also been seen reflected in many works of fiction with many different female characters. But female characters just gotta follow certain lines if they just wanna make the cut and play it with the big boys in a big boy world. So here are some tips to make a deep, meaningful, and completely well thought out female character!
1. Face Her face must always be round, cherubic, or child-like. Don't want it too angular or she'll look too old. If it's too long she'll look like a horse. If it's round, it will always have a youthful, pretty look, almost like a doll. So it's like a one-size fits all pajamas set but for people with vaginas, tee hee.
2. Youth The young, round face brings up another point. Main female characters must always be young. Sure, an older, grandmotherly supporting/advice character is good as a background prop supporting character once i
Time Travel Do's and Don'tsDo's and Don'ts of Time TravelTime Travel Do's and Don'ts3 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
So, you've finally done it. You've scraped together the millions of dollars, dozens of passports, countless vaccinations and hours and hours of anachronistic language classes. The day is at long last here, and you are ready to take that romantic little vacation through time. Yes, time travel is everything you've been told. You will meet exotic people, doing exotic things in exotic eras. You will get to see the "Good Old Days" when they were better known as "These Wretched Times." But, before you hit the app button on your genius phone, there are a few things you should know:
Time Travel Don'ts
Don't shoot your grandfather. It's tempting isn't it? You've read about people who've done it on countless blogs and seen the very realistic, yet highly grainy videos, on YouTube. Shooting your biological grandfather isn't just against the law, both criminal and temporal, it is considered unacceptable behavior in just about all cultures. For now, let's put as
How to Make Someone Hate YouHow to Make Someone Hate YouHow to Make Someone Hate You2 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
For those of you who are in dire need to have the loathing hatred of someone else out there.
Draw better than someone and be proud of your art.
Draw better than someone and not be happy with your art.
Be average in everything art and be content with improving as you go.
Suck at art and be happy with it.
Suck at art.
Type like a Neanderthal and think it's the proper way to type on the internet.
Type like a Neanderthal and not care if no one understands you.
Type like a normal person, with some mistakes here and there.
Type like a god and look down on Neanderthals.
Type like a god.
State your educated opinion.
State your uneducated opinion.
Have an opinion.
State the facts that prove someone is an idiot.
State the facts.
Be proud of being homosexual.
Be proud of being straight.
Be proud of being bisexual.
Be proud of being pansexual.
Be proud of being any sexuality.
Act like a bigoted Christian.
Act like a bigoted Christian who feels
How to Win an ArgumentEveryone gets into arguments at some point in their life. Electronic communication receptacles are no exception. If anything, one is more -likely- to find that it is easier to become embroiled in an online argument than anything else.How to Win an Argument3 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
1. CAP THAT If there's one sure-fire way to make a point stronger, it's typing in ALL CAPS. Considering that there are many instances when sound can't travel over the net, one must find the next best available way to be heard. This "next best" way is through "shouting," which just happens to be done online through typing in CAPS. Just like screaming, shouting, and general tantrum-throwing in real life, this method is a highly efficient method of making sure that your point gets across and makes you seem ten thousand times more valid and understandable. Additionally, it makes your argument come on more forcefully and shows the opposition you mean "serious fucking shit" with your side of things.
After all, loud noises work with dogs and small
435 Writing Prompts!1. Violinist. (Or violin)435 Writing Prompts!2 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
3. Paper aeroplane.
4. Dandelion seed.
6. She sings.
7. Dragonfly toes.
8. A stolen ring.
9. Broken wristwatch.
10. Missing tooth.
12. Fairytale gone wrong.
19. Lucky rabbit's paw.
24. 1000 paper cranes.
27. Puppet show.
28. Triskaidekaphobia. (Fear of the number thirteen.)
30. Letters to the moon.
32. Ballet shoes.
35. Breathless. (Or, breathlessly.)
36. Tachycardia. (An unusually fast heartbeat.)
37. Bradycardia. (A very slow heartbeat.)
40. Strobe light.
42. Fake quirks.
43. Contact lenses.
44. Siren. (Either the mythological creature, or the object.)
46. Comet in a bottle.
50. Tarot card.
Rage guy plzs:iconffplz: :icontrollfaceplz: :icontearyguyplz: :iconinglipplz: :iconffuplz: :iconokayfaceplz: :icondarkrageplz: :iconforeveraloneplz: :iconloolfaceplz: :iconmegustaplz: :iconfuckyeaplz: :iconareyoukiddingmeplz: :iconhailinglip: :icontearsofrageplz: :iconfacepokerplz: :iconefgplz: :iconareyouplz: :iconewbteplz: :iconawwyeaplz: :iconatomicrageplz: :iconlolguyplz: :iconragefaceplz: :iconcerealguyplz: :iconspittingcerealguyplz: :iconiamdissapointplz: :iconfffuuuplz: :icony-u-noplz: :iconffffplz: :iconfuuuuuplz: :iconfuurageplz: :iconiliedplz: :icontrolldadplz: :iconffuuuplz: :icondealwithtrollplz: :iconrainbowtrollplz: :icontrollmomplz: :iconfffuuuuplz: :iconnofaceguyplz: :icondumbbitchplz: :iconchallengeacceptedplz: :iconsweet-jesus-faceplz: :iconareyouseriousguyplz: :iconhappy-plz: :iconiliedfaceplz: :iconhappyforeveraloneplz: :iconfapguyplz: :iconderpinaplz: :iconbiggrin-plz: :iconujellyplz: :iconnewfagfaceplz: :icondealwithnewfagplz: :iconepicfailguyplz: :iconnotbadplz: :iconilied-plRage guy plzs3 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
A Note on Writing CharactersA Note on Writing Characters4 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
My dearest, darling Author:
I enjoyed reading your book, I really did. But there were some things that simply got on my nerves.
Your need to tell me absolutely everything, as if every tiny detail were just so integral to the plot, was supremely annoying. I do not need to know a character's hair and eye color when I first meet them, or every detail down to the style of his buttons when he walks into a scene; I do not necessarily need to know what his lunch was or that he went bowling with the guys last Saturday and has been in the league for five years. Take for instance that scene on the veranda, where the one protagonist stepped up to the wall and got his first good look at the sea in years. You wasted paragraphs and paragraphs of words explaining how, when he was a boy and saw the ocean for the first time, it was terrifying to him, left him with a feeling of crushing loneliness. Now, if you had simply said he stepped up to the wall and saw the sea for the first time in years, and had
Words To Avoid"Words To Avoid In Creative Writing"Words To Avoid4 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
We've all heard there are some no-no words in creative writing - these are words that you want to avoid "at all costs" some people say, but do you know which they are, and why you should avoid them? Well, I didn't the first time I saw a list of "words to avoid", and not surprisingly, a lot of people who write these lists don't know why either. (I know, SHOCK! GASP! just because someone wrote a guide doesn't mean they know what they're talking about.)
So, this morning I went on a word-finding spree to find these "word lists" and find out WHY I was supposed to avoid these words - and more importantly, HOW. This guide will explain what I discovered.
WARNING: Quite often in this guide I am going to use words I say you shouldn't. Do as I say, not as I do. I address one problem at a time so as not to confuse people, so yes, some of my examples will have several mistakes in them even if I only address one of those mistakes.
Twilight-Uncensored Ch.5ReviewTwilight-Uncensored Ch.5Review3 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Review of Chapter Five
By Stephenie Meyer
So I bought a giant stuffed sheep the other day. It's pink—because the asshole kid in front of me took the purple one—and fluffy. It's going to sit with me today and every time I read something that upsets my inner writing Nazi, I shall hug it.
I opened the Twilight book and set the sheep directly in my lap. I shall name it…Sheepie.
Moving back a step for the briefest recap in history [well, in the history of this chapter review series:
Bella moves to forks.
Bella whines about her life.
Bella meets Edward.
Bella becomes bedazzled.
Bella and Eddy-pie fight.
Bella lies about shit to get out of being popular.
Edward decides to ask Bella on a road trip.
Okay, it probably could have been shorter. More like:
This story sucks, close the book.
Oh silly me.
And here I sit at chapter five…and I don't even know he's a vampire yet! I mean…wait a minute… Chapter five was
Thoughts On Bella SwanYeah, well, I've been reading a bunch of Twilight-based rants lately and thought I'd hop on the bandwagon while it's still fresh. **FAIL** For all you Bella-haters out there, please enjoy. For all of you who actually like Bella and are about to argue with me, YOU CAN SLAP YOURSELF SILLY WITH A FISH FOR ALL I CARE. C:Thoughts On Bella Swan6 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Where to begin? Bella is, without a doubt, an absolute train wreck of a character. It's actually difficult to decide which of her alarmingly numerous flaws (despite her being a fault-less character) require attention first. Nevertheless, let's get started.
Bella Swan is the queen of Mary Sues, if not the goddess of Mary Sues, hands-down. If you don't know what a Mary Sue is, you don't even need to look it up on Wikipedia; as long as you know about Bella, you need no further explanation.
The story immediately starts off with her insisting (it's written in first-person, which is absolutely terrifying, as it means we must constantly be inside Bella's cesspool of a brain) that
My Really Long Webcomic GuideMy Really Long Webcomic Guide4 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Jenny's Really Long Webcomic Guide
I have been getting quite a few emails and questions about starting up your own webcomic, so I decided to compile all the articles I'd written before into this one comprehensive guide.
This massive wall of text has several sections:
- How to start
- Getting the story started
- Readership & research
- The Internets!
These are my own guidelines, based on my own experiences, and these are my solutions to the problems and issues I have encountered along the way. This is not necessarily the one true way. There are probably many different solutions to any problem. And a bajillion books on this very subject too. But regardless of what I have to say, do what works for you!
So take your bathroom breaks now, because you'll be here for a bit! Sit tight and enjoy my blathering!
Part One: "How do you start a webcomic?" A Short Question... with a big, long, friggin' answer.
Okay, a l