ConversationI got home from school todayConversation19 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
I wore an unhappy face
I sat down at the table
You looked at me
"How are you?"
And you walked away
But you didn't care
You didn't realize
How much I was crying inside
How much I was dying inside
Lonely Christmas (2)"So how are you?"Lonely Christmas (2)45 minutes ago in Emotional More Like This
"I am fine, thank you."
But in reality,
There was no reply
I ate my dinner
Pretending that you were there
Believing that you were there
But you're not
You've passed away
On Christmas Eve
I eat my Christmas dinner
Staring at the empty chair on the other side
If only you didn't die
I thought that
We could meet again
But why not today?
The clock continues ticking
My tears start to fall
The only sounds that couldn't be heard
On this silent Christmas day
Lonely ChristmasThe clock tickedLonely Christmas3 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
It mocked me
As I sat there
For them to come
For you to come
But how can you?
You've passed away
But I still wait
On this silent Christmas day
Blame"Why did you do this?"Blame1 day ago in Emotional More Like This
"Why did you do that?"
"It's all your fault."
But you have no proof
You just don't like me
And want to cast me away
Like all the others
You accuse me of everything
Even if it seems impossible
You still blame me
"Stop it all."
"I'm tired of it."
Is what you want me to say
But I don't
Instead, I stay with you
Since it's not your fault
So I stay with you
Until the very end
No Knowledge"You're deaf."No Knowledge3 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
You who can't hear
You who can't speak
You who can't see
What you used to be
What I used to be
I am me"I love you."I am me20 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
Is what a father should say
Is what a mother should say
Is what a brother should say
Is what a friend should say
Is what you should say
But all you ever said to me was
"I hate you."
Is what father said
Is what mother said
Is what brother said
Is what my friend said
Is what you said
What's so different
From me and other people
Is it because.....
If I was a different person
You wouldn't act the same
None of you
But I can't be someone else
I can only be...
SherlockHow much pain to I need to feel before it's "enough"? How long do I have to suffer until it ends? Is there even an end to it? Or is it infinitive just like human crulety? The only light I see nowadays are the lights from the screen on my phone, the computer screen, lamps, the sun. But they all seem very cold and hard, as if wanting to say that it's not for me. When the winter comes, the snow will reflect the moonlight, just for me. The stars will be visible and remind me of myself. In the days I'm there, but hidden. In the night I come out, becoming visible for those who cares enough to look. But unlike the stars and the moon, I don't shine. I'm barely visible in the light they're throwing on the snow. I'm merely a shadow compared to them, like they're a shadow of the sun. Their beauty always overwhelm me. I can never get used to it. Like they were created only for that purpouse, to stun people with their beauty.Sherlock11 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
Everyone I meet says that I'm an angel. What pityfull lies. There's not s
Their VoiceIt's been said that the first thing you forget of a person is their voice. You forget what they sound like. You know their face, their personality, what they like and don't like, and how much you care about them. But their voice slowly fades away, getting lost in all the memories and it becomes an echo you don't even recognize anymore. I've never had this problem. Not yet anyway. I make an effort to mentally go through my list of friends I don't see anymore, quite often. I do not nor will I ever forget them. I make sure I remember their face followed by their voice. Though their face may pop into my head first, it is not my focus. The order in which these two things are remembered in may not seem like they matter. But they do. It's easy to recall facial features but not vocal quality. To recall a voice, you need a face, but to recall a face, you don't need a voice. It doesn't go both ways. That's why it's important to make sure I have both. I don't want to forget a single thing abTheir Voice20 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
The One ThingOriginally written on September 7, 2013The One Thing20 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
Another torturous night in tears. On one hand, I would love to just drown myself in a puddle of tears for hours, maybe even let it lull me to sleep. On the other, I want so badly to keep my wall built and not face this hurt. I want to run away from it. But I have a problem. I've finally found the one thing I can't just ignore and run away from from, mentally or literally. I can't run from myself. I'm at a point where it doesn't matter what starts to make me sad. If I'm sad, I'll start thinking, and if I start thinking, I feel really down. If I feel really down, I might start crying no matter what it's about. But if I cry for one thing it always leads to crying for the one thing that I hate the most. And gosh do I hate it.
Broken Hearts And Lost SmilesOriginally written on June 12, 2013Broken Hearts And Lost Smiles20 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
I have no practice, no training. It isn't something you can prepare yourself for. It just happens, and when it does, there's no going back. It cannot be stopped, reversed, altered, or changed. It is fixed. Most people grow with the pain. They learn to deal with it when they're young. But what if you don't learn then, and you learn now, at a time in life when you're just figuring out the world, becoming independent. Learning at a time when innocence can and is to be lost. When emotions rise and tempers can flare. It is the first time and you don't know what to do or how to react. No one should have to go through this. No one should have the experience so that it becomes a mere routine of emotions. Shock, disbelief, anger, grief, rage, sorrow, hate. The experience shouldn't be an option for time to decide. In fact, it's not an option. It happens. It just happens. Broken hearts and lost smiles. They're along for the ride, and they can't be stopped. Unle
UntitledOut the windowUntitled9 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
As I look out what do I see?
A few birds fly into the tree
The bird feeders hanging down
Spinning round and round
The birds are ungrateful
They even seem to be bashful
I want them to stay still
To model for the camera
I want a photo for Deviant Art
The birds don’t know that
The birds don’t care
All the worry about is staying alive
A photo they ask what’s that all about?
It inflates my ego when displayed on DA
That’s why we wont pose for we know
Your photo’s are rubbish
But we like to tease the occasional good picture
It seems to please and it keeps the feeders all full
So you have you photo and we both have fun.
walking not runningfires consumewalking not running18 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
what was is will be
within simple complexity
unity in dis-associative paradox
Dear Mister Santa ClausDear Santa,Dear Mister Santa Claus18 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
I know that for Christmas, you have a lot of things to buy and to give. I hope my gift isn't too greedy.
For Christmas, I don't want to feel lonely.
I know, it's a selfish wish. I'm sorry.
WitchcraftIf I could, I'd steal all his pain away. His heart beats in pentameter ("I am. . .Iamb. . .I am. . .Iamb. . .") like a wardrum, although too often his wars are with himself--if only putting my ear to that almost steady rhythm was enough to lure away all the hurt and soulache, toothache, headache, heartache, roll it into a ball and set it aflame as a new North Star to remind him that there is light, something warm and wonderful. . .somewhere. Even the pain was to be hidden under my bed, or at the bottom of my backpack under school work--so I can bear it, so Atlas (for he is Atlas of his own sort) can shrug.Witchcraft19 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
My deepest fear is wilting so far that I cannot help, not in any way; and I do wilt, often. . .become discouraged and difficult. My deepest fear is bearing a semblance to the humans who make him hurt--the selfish and self-assured, self-centered with fingers crossed behind the (lack of) backbone while pinky fingers link in promises, the emotional vampires who bleed him try of everythi
Know My ThoughtsOriginally written on November 16, 2013Know My Thoughts20 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
Stop acting like you know my thoughts, like you really understand me. My friends understand me better than you ever have. I don't care how harsh this sounds or how harsh my words seem. I'm saying what I need to say and this is where it happens. I'm venting. I'm writing. It's what I do. It's what keeps me sane...somewhat sane. You keep asking "what's wrong" and "if something's bothering me". Yes, something's bothering me, but don't think I'll be opening up about it to you anytime soon. You don't listen. You try to hard to tell me what I should do. You give advice. You tell stories about when you were my age. You tell me repetitive things that I've stopped listening to from a long time ago. These stories you tell, yeah. they're not helpful at all. When you were my age things were so much more different. Stop comparing your 'perfect' and past childhood to my present life. There's a reason it's called past. It's already happened. It can't frickin' be
Mixed FeelingsOriginally written on November 1, 2013Mixed Feelings20 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
A part of me is glad to be rid of that house. Another part is sad to know I'll never see it again. That side threatened to spill tears this morning. Luckily, once again, I fought it. Why do I even feel so attached to that house? I only ever saw her in that house once. ONCE! It's not like I have some great childhood memories there. She always visited me! And, ugh, I fought them again! Why?! Why do I do this? What am I protecting myself from? And now I'm totally ignoring it, or at least trying to. Hm, maybe if I keep my mask on and keep acting like everything's fine, it'll go away. I already know that won't work. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this! Where can I go where I feel it's safe to rage away? To throw everything in sight and punch a few lockers? To slam every open door and yell at the world? Where can I go where I feel it's safe to shed every built up tear in my little jar? To stay up all night over thinking every detail? To cry mysel
The Darkened WorldThe Darkened World23 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
With only a glimpse of light within his heart, he had started to believe the darkness surrounding him, had risen and engulfed the beautiful and innocent light from every corner of this land.
Always RunningOriginally written on June 12, 2013Always Running20 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
I hated walking behind that thing, sitting in front of it like it's normal. That stupid box. Blue floral patterns. Oh yeah, make it pretty. It doesn't matter if there's a body inside it! It's supposed to lighten the mood. Well it doesn't. No one ever said it worked. Good, 'cause it didn't. I hated it so much. My mind wanted to run. But no, I couldn't. I was stuck there. I couldn't hide from it. The sight of it made me go numb and emotionless. Here I am, trying to run away like I always do. I avoid things that make me or those around me uncomfortable. Always running. Running forever. No destination. Avoidance. Fear. Never turning back. Always moving forward. Moving blindly. Running blindly. Where am I going? Time can tell. But will it? Always running. Time is my enemy. Should I stop? Why do I run? What am I running from? The past? The future? Change. Loss. Pain. Am I lost? Maybe. Do I care? Maybe. Always running. Should I stop? Maybe. Maybe.
thank u all my dear friendsthank you so much for all the favs im happy u like my art i hope to draw some more art that you will likethank u all my dear friends8 minutes ago in Emotional More Like This
ghost walk by your sideArringhost walk by your side12 minutes ago in Emotional More Like This
Arrin had an ok life. He wasn't very well liked at school but he didn't really care. He died at age 17. He liked to write a lot. He always had his notebook with him. One day he lost his notebook. He looked everywhere for it but it wasn't until he found a group of all the most popular girls in school sitting around reading his journal entries out loud and laughing. He walked over and took it away from them. The just laughed and pointed at him. He had written a lot of fictional stuff about different worlds and what he wished his life was like. The girls spread roomers about him around the school. Normally he wouldn't have cared but this time even his closest friends started keeping away from him. He went up to his best friend after school and asked him what was going on. His friend said, "Dude...your such a freak." and walked away. This destroyed Arrin. He had no friend and everyone knew what went on in his mind. He just couldn't stand it. He went home and his mom had just reserved
UntitledTo consecrate disasterUntitled2 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
In itself does this stand to light?
Branded a savior
But to them it was in spite.
To myself it was in vain,
but the vein was purely tainted.
The child within forgotten
A different sort of nature
The one that kills and scars
To it's end I was still subservient
And to the force that drives the world,
Happy, free and stable?
To it I had turned my back
No room for fable
But why then is this greed if the greed is purely sport
Of one mans curse another mans nature;
My face was filled with dirt.
I cannot tell you then that there was a loving sort
Of female through this tainted spree
that I failed completely
She was a diamond in the rough,
though I refused to see.
One that I felt a different way
a different day
When we both were entrusted
With a gift from outer space
We both were meant to be.
but here I am, still lonely.