seems like a bluri wish that people were more transparent.seems like a blur17 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
we're all skin and bones and most of the things that keep us awake and that break our bones is so internalized
and completely invisible. cause most of the time living kind of feels like i've spent countless hours spinning around in circles, and now i'm just trying to keep my stomach from rising, or my eyes from leaking every last liquid i have inside me while the world rushes so inconceivably fast.
i know that i can heal.
skin grows over deep wounds, and even the whitest mountainous scar tissue fades. but i dont know if the external matches the inside. the cuts have healed and the bruises are starting to disappear, but i dont know how your head is feeling. you might not have the black and blue lining your skin anymore, but your insides might still be threatening to drown you, or make you wish you could just stop existing for a little while. you dont know whats happening underneath blemish free skin.
people aren't clocks.
you cant se
BlinkBlink and suddenly you're 5 years old and you're running and jumping and exploring and you've skinned your knees and crying to mommy to kiss it and make it better because mommy's kisses make everything betterBlink4 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
Blink and suddenly and suddenly you're 13 and gangly and awkward. You have breasts and all this extra weight that you don't know what to do with. They tell you you're a woman now but you don't feel any different
Blink and suddenly you're 17 and angry and rebellious and you cant understand why the world doesn't just understand you. You're screaming at mommy because she wont let you see the boy that she knows is going to break your heart. When he finally does, mommy tries to kiss it and make it better, but she cant heal you when you no longer believe you're worthy of love
Blink and suddenly you're 25 and you're stuck in a dead end job in a dead end town. You have a degree but you don't know what to do with it. You have a life or do you? Everyone keeps pushing you to look for Mr. Rig
The Clock is TickingIt can't be.The Clock is Ticking19 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
Am I just dreaming?
I would see.
That would be broken.
As screwed as it can get.
Just let me wake up, now.
That's just a dream, right?
Let me wake up, please.
Let me wake up from this nightmare.
Is it really it?
Is there really no way?
Am I really stuck here?..
The clock is ticking. It's rhythm is uncertain, but the time is right. I'm waiting on my couch. Waiting for a call.
There's no possibility, right?
It can't be.
Am I just dreaming?
I would see.
It's just a guess. Nothing more than a groundless thought.
I thought, so I didn't know.
Although I keep on questioning this reality. Although I'll never take it as real. I have my reality. That's it.
But how can I be so sure? All I know is I can't trust what everybody says.
Everything around me is telling me not to reject it.
But the world is glass.
That would be broken.
As screwed as it can get.
"No need to get angry" they say.
"We know how you feel" they say.
I would like to just draw a red cross
What changed in me?What changed? I took interest in neither gender, I almost forgot the actual concept of love, and then I meet her. A young girl no older than myself, never seemed to wear make-up, and feelings long forgotten rise from the depths to haunt me. I actually took interest in her! I wrote love into so many other things, storys, people, my thoughts. I often wondered why I enjoyed the sight of love so much... but never wanted it... and I lost myself to thought. I even have troubles working with her without feeling something deep, a desire. I wanted to be with her. I even cannot think straight around her.What changed in me?8 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
I wondered and wondered if I should tell her of such emotion or if I should attempt to circumvent such emotion and attempt to move on. And so I thought of this, a... letter, so to speak. And I even find this hard to write, as emotion surges through me as I think of her. It feels so odd, it keeps me awake at night. The emotion so foundly desired by our modern culture is like a drug,
SometimesSometimes I feel thatSometimes10 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
I've gotten up too early
And I've been awake for too long
My bones feel broken
and my muscles plead for rest.
the night has fallen upon me without warning.
It surrounded me fast.
I found myself longing to be awake.
And it repeats itself.
I'm stuck in a loop of awakening and dreaming.
and i'm still hating myself.you are the kind of person they write books aboutand i'm still hating myself.15 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
lovely boys with hair falling in waves down their backs
boys that wear long sleeves with spindly fingers
boys that wrap their hands around my throat and squeeze
boys that spank my ass and bite my neck
pediatric fearwhat a concept wepediatric fear19 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
far too late,
but no, it's
clicking on the
in my lungs,
idea that i
if i take
but i have
you do not
to 17 when
you are a
i am that child,
of the dark,
in the dark
the pediatric ward had never been so amused
The Worst Day of my Life (ch1) Some people in this world we live in, tend to say the phrase, "This is the worst day ever!" Be it something small, or something that disrupts their day to throw it into a small amount of chaos, someone at some point has uttered those words. However, what I am about to tell you is something that really happened to me. This was truly, the worst day of my entire twenty two years of life. I remember every moment of that day. Every second, and the days to follow, are forever burned into my brain. And the beginning of that day of torment, began with a simple phone call.The Worst Day of my Life (ch1)22 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
It was about two in the morning on March 3 2014, and I had been asleep for a mere four hours after ending a Skype call with my boyfriend; having just gone back to Ohio two days prior. My phone was laying next to my bed on the charger, when an annoying ringtone resonated in my ears. Barely conscious from a blurry dream, I thought it was my alarm, until I saw my grandmothers phone number flashing on the screen. 'G
For My GirlfriendFor My Girlfriend1 day ago in Emotional More Like This
There are many things about you that I love.
You are funny.
You are sweet.
You are cute.
You are beautiful.
You are smart.
You are badass.
You make me smile.
You make me happy.
You are perfect.
You are genuine.
There is absolutely no one in the world just like you.
I sometimes have doubts about our relationship.
I sometimes wonder if we’ll last ‘till marriage.
But I do know for certain that I love you.
And I do love you with everything that I am.
You mean more than the whole world to me.
You’re the one that means more than the whole world to me.
And if anybody tries to tell me that what I feel for you is wrong, they’re wrong.
They do not know love the way I know love.
And still, I am only on page one in the book called Love.
And that page is all about you.
You are the absolute most precious thing in the entire universe to me.
And I want you to remember that for as long as you live.
The things that I have said about you are the only things about
Honest ConfessionsI'm sick.Honest Confessions22 minutes ago in Emotional More Like This
Sick of *you not saying *anything* of merit when I tell *you "I love you." Sick of thinking of you all friggin' night, waking up in the middle of the damn night, thinking SELFISHLY TO MYSELF "God I wish *he was here... But then we wouldn't be sleeping right now, if *he was here." Sick of moaning *your name when I'm doing things I really shouldn't be doing to myself. Sick of thinking of *you in a way I *really* shouldn't be thinking about with a man your age. Sick of loving *you and not being able to stop. Sick of loving *you at all but I. CAN'T. STOP. LOVING. YOU. YOU ARE A DRUG, YOU ARE MY FUCKING DRUG. YOU ARE MY GODDAMN OPIUM, MY HEROIN, MY CRACK, MY ECSTASY. YOU ARE THE FUCKING THOUGHT THAT I GET OFF TO AT 1 FUCKING A.M. WHEN I'M SUPPOSED TO BE SLEEPING. I HAVE TO FUCKING HIDE HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU, HOW I *REALLY* FEEL, HOW I WANT YOU TO FUCK ME IN THE BACK OF YOUR GODDAMN VAN. HOW I CAN'T GO A DAY WITHOUT THINKING SOME DIRTY FILTHY THOUGHT ABOUT YOU PRESSING MY FRAIL TIMI
ben aptal miyim?söylemiştim aslında daha fazla aptal taklidi yapmayıp görmezden gelmeyeceğimi. bir rüzgarı var insanın, bir kokusu. niyetli zamanlarında saran etrafını. ancak gerçekten görenlerin görebileceği... belki de sırf bu yüzden ben severim insanları. onlardan bir şey beklemeden içlerindeki öz benlikleri yüzünden. sevmediğimi de sevemem. hep böyle oldu. ta ki yakın bir zamana dek görüpte söylemediklerime kadar. benim konuşmamı dilsizlik dinsizlik sayanlar da oldu inancımı kaybettiğimi düşünenlerde. kimsenin aklına gelmesini beklemedim kırılmamalarını istemem.ben aptal miyim?1 hour ago in Emotional More Like This
ben dilimin kemiğinin olmadığı yılları yaşadım insanların benden ne denli nefret ettiklerini gördüm. gerçeği söylemenin 9 diyarda "bizim sana verecek evimiz y
The Worst Day of my Life (ch2) The ride to Dallas was about two hours, and in that time my mind just continued to think back to that wonderful home. All conversation aimed at me seemed to fade into an endless abyss, as my heart and mind tuned out the world. I was dreaming of how my life changed for the better, and how I met the most incredible people in my life.The Worst Day of my Life (ch2)2 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
You see, when I was about fifteen my parents ended up getting a divorce. Through a series of events, I ended up going to live with my dad along with my older brother Ben. The way we left my Mother's house caused us to live with my grandmother until he could find a house for us to all live in. It was a long and arduous few months, but finally my dad found a home for us. Though, it was not just going to be the three of us.
My dad had been in love with a woman, and once the divorce happened and she said yes, she came to Texas and got married to him. Though, I had discovered later that Dad had known her for many years, but only realized he lo
Lost Mind̦̣̖͉̦̈́̍̈̓I̝͚͎̣͓̓̉ͮ͊ͧ͌ͧt́̋ͨͪͯͮ͂҉͍̲̖̟̥̯͕'̗͓ͤ̏̉̅̋́s̶͈̭͓ ̕l̓ͯ̊̓̌̑ì͖͕̭̀̿͝k̵̩͍̱̏̇̎e̫͌̈́́̆ͥͮ͝ ̨͈̘̭̻͍͂̿ͨ̾͊̐w̝̗̣̗̥ͥ̀͂͑̃ͯ͞ͅa̡͔̟̹̥͛͆̉ͭ͊̀͐l͓̄ͨk̺̮͇̝̅̇ͮ̊̑̚̚͢ͅḯ̛̚n̡̗̓̿̍ͮ̊̿̚g͔̤̳̹͉̝ͥ̏͒̌̉ͧ ̢̫̫ͧ̓ͤͭ̔͐tLost Mind2 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
So Finally We AgreeWhat will you doSo Finally We Agree4 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
When I refuse
To comfort you
Coz I won't come for you
Not after last time
I'm not one for holding grudges
Nor am I one for burning bridges
But enough runs out and
What goes up comes down
And I am one for second chances
I am one for tragic hope
It never makes me feel real clever
Rarely makes me feel alive
And all the girls
They look so different
But all the girls
They taste the same
I'm sure I know
That I'm no different
Just more peptides
In the solar winds
Throwing up and playing nice
Treding careful to my end
What will you do
When I refuse
To comfort you
Coz I won't come for you
Yes I was one for holding grudges
No I won't come for you
FoldI was there at the end, though not the last out the door. We didn't even say goodbye; it was sad how no one could admit the inevitable. People wandered away over years. Eventually the optimists became depressed, and some died. The last of that venerable enterprise swallowed up for the few remaining assets of value. That was it.Fold11 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
We knew the death had come years before. Like a patient in a coma, kept alive by machines because those who could pull the plug refused to recognize the facts. Instead they searched the cushions and streets for lost change to keep the business going. Sales were worse than mediocre, quality faltered from lack of caring, and the malaise descended on everyone. It didn't matter now how bright the minds; there were no resources to bring dreams to realization.
In retrospect it was easy to spot the mistakes. I was responsible for some, at least in part. Change things, the wrong things, and nothing gets better; it just drains away cash. The image; that was the problem (
Fight for me and I will fight for youAs were our days in Olympus endingFight for me and I will fight for you11 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
My goddess has left me
with nothing but words by my side
She abandoned her pedestal
which she reigned from so high
I no longer receive a moment to glance
at her direction upon her throne
She now bows below mine
seeking forgiveness for actions past
However these actions may have past
yet they still remain unchanged
I seek to make changes within herself
so she may become my goddess once more
She is to reign high and mighty alongside me
as we venture towards more difficult future
I request changed actions
as the forgiving future remains present
We will continue as blessed goddesses
from Aphrodite's beloved breast
We are her heart divided in two
and come together like puzzle pieces
We complete each other and I will have her restored
to proper heights among the rest.
My goddess will be guided towards the heavens,
back to her goddess' arms.
Call it autumn or fall, you should have a ballMy father's Skype status is "fall season has finally arrived". It was something he put up more than a year ago--all year round, it was irrelevant, until autumn came back again and lo and behold, the status had meaning again.Call it autumn or fall, you should have a ball13 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
I found other meaning in that status, too. My father is in his fifties, my mother is in her forties. I can safely say that they count as "middle aged"; they are in the autumn of their lives. They are the last generation to grow up without a cell phone. They can no longer party as hard as they used to. Naptime is sacred and inviolable. The quirks of a settled and routine life characterise their existence.
They are also in the autumn of their marriage: in the spring they wed, in the summer they planted and raised, and now in the autumn it is time to reap what they sowed all those years ago. I am talking, of course, about raising children. My brother and me. Both of us are adults in our early twenties now.
They say sixty (or is it fifty?) is the youth of old age. The
Fame Flashing lights and screaming fans calling your name everytime you walked down that red carpet. That was the new life for my boyfriend, Keith. Before he was famous we both lived in a small apartment, having the troubles of trying keep everything clean, while doing homework and studing. Before I get any further, my name is Hannah, just thought I'd- ha, let you know.Fame4 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
In the beginning Keith and I were just trying to make it through college, usually doing well, but it was still pretty hard. Keith was on the hunt for an acting job. Taking auditions for small commercials. No luck. Til one day, he had finally gotten a call, then more calls for other commercials, and more and more until finally he had gotten a call to be in a new show. It was just a small part. Months passed, he had risen up to bigger parts. Next thing I knew we have nine thousand grand in our bank account.
I was proud of him. Keith spent years majoring in acting, he finally got his dream to b