SATIRE: Onion Forced Out Of BusinessSATIRE: Onion Forced Out Of Business2 days ago in Short Stories More Like This
The Onion Forced Out Of Business
Satirical news website unable to compete with real news.
In breaking news that seems to have been ripped out of its own pages, The Onion has announced that it will discontinue publication.
For more than 25 years, “America's Finest News Source” has been tickling the collective American funny bone and fooling everyone’s gullible aunt with humorous satirical news stories.
However, it’s nearly three decade run has experienced many major changes, with last year seeing the end of its print publication in favor of an online-only edition.
Now the infamously famous, or famously infamous, fake news organization will be making an especially drastic change now that it is discontinuing publication for good.
Editor Cole Bolton made the hard decision to shut down the long-running fake news organization, as it has been recently facing harsh competition that has been difficult to beat.
Bathtime for a Cheesecake Virgin SuicideI am dreading the group job interview, because I know that they will want to hear my name and one. two. five interesting facts about me. There will be broken Rich Tea biscuits handed out and weak orange squash with unexplainable tiny bubbles in it. There will be rectangular sticky name tags curling at the edges and hemmed with cardigan fluff. There will be nervous graduates exchanging small tight smiles, like sips. And I will stand up and I will tell them these things about myself;Bathtime for a Cheesecake Virgin Suicide3 days ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
1. This year I stopped eating fries, so that I could be the girl who doesn’t eat fries instead of the girl who still can’t get over her ex-boyfriend.
2. Instead of fries I eat Marmite. Out of the jar with a spoon, as I sit on the stone kitchen worktop bruising my tailbone and swinging my heels with glazed eyes. I love the thick dark colour and how the salt burns.
3. As a woman I am expected to scoop the crying world up into the crevice of my arm and prop it on my hip. I am supposed t
The Fool's Pedestal The heads mounted on the wall made Mr. Avery smile. In all, there were 16. He counted every morning just to make sure. The taxidermist said that if he brought her one more head, this one of a rare animal, she would stuff it for him and give it a silver back plate, free, for all of his good business.The Fool's Pedestal2 days ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
Oh, how Mr. Avery wanted that free head. He had a spot saved for what he would receive from the special offer, right above his fireplace. It would be the talk of the town, and Mr. Avery would invite his fellow hunters to dine with him so that they would see, so that they would know, that he was the best hunter in the county. Nobody beats Mr. Avery.
He sat in his kitchen, morning coffee in hand, resting on the homemade deerskin chair that he praised himself for. Good job, Avery, his mother would say. You’ve made me proud.
As he peered out the floor-to-ceiling window of his secluded log cabin, thinking about what a fantastic hunter he was, a bluish figure
On the Path of Good“We’re on!”On the Path of Good2 days ago in Short Stories More Like This
Two men sitting in opulent armchairs are facing each other in what faintly resembles a hotel room. Faintly because it’s packed with people: cameramen and cable carriers and light engineers and sound technicians and makeup artists and boxes of equipment and extension leads and most importantly that clumsy catering lady with her tray of cupcakes who’s blocking everyone’s way. All of that, however, fades out of existence as soon as the camera is pointed towards the sterile scene:
“Mr Smith, thank you so much for sparing a moment of your precious time for our interview!” one of the two men initiates, holding in his hands a small notepad and a pencil.
“The pleasure-” the other man clears his throat. “The pleasure is all mine! Thank you for having me,” his voice expresses flutteringly and with quite some pace.
“Mr Smith, you’ve very recently made a great invention which is to be the topic o