selling myself (resume)Once the nerves are swallowed,selling myself (resume)4 months ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
I'll bring you reasonable
public speaking skill
with only a little encouragement.
Speed reader, nit-picky editor--
will find your typos and point
your eyes to grammatics
(your 'yore' and your 'you're' won't sneak past
these eager eyes).
Art director, nursemaid and teacher,
I can juggle children with paperwork
and wrangle a smile from a small girl
dressed in photo finery, or a laugh
from a toddler: mid-tantrum.
I can scrunch up small and slip
beneath the folds of a suitcase;
or stretch out my muscles
to imitate the giraffe
whose burnt-purple tongue
reaches into his nostrils.
I'm sure you'll agree--
this is a talent you cannot pass up.
My dedication will turn competitors
to rainforests, crawling with envy
they will slide beneath your success.
I will bring a thrum of life,
cheer the darker days and twist
until I am wringing out sunshine.
I'm walking chaos
but my absence leaves a gap
you'll notice later.
My ResumeGood reading comprehension,My Resume4 months ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
adequate typing skills,
adept at mental math and making
statistical graphs from lists of information.
Experience with computer programming,
thorough proofreading abilities complemented
by an inclination toward triple-checking.
I can develop fictional hierarchies
to understand the social politics surrounding
and talk for hours about nothing,
rattle off facts about Isherwood, Turing, Nilsen.
Boredom doesn’t affect me,
I read the labels on everything,
pull the clutter out of my closet just
to put it all back in a less ergonomic order.
Three days is the longest I’ve been silent,
I can smile at anyone
without a genuine drop of affability,
and pace my apartment for minutes or days or hours.
Caffeine and nicotine and THC
are the only drugs I’ve recently ingested,
my hands are steady,
I can pick false dichotomies out of advertisements.
My patience for useless tasks is endless,
I can stand on my head,
almost suck my own cock,
Friendship ResumeFriendship ResuméFriendship Resume5 months ago in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
“Um…..hello, I’m here for the opening of acquaintance,”
Okay, have a seat……What are some qualities you feel would be right for the job?
“Well, I think I’m a decent guy. I’m nice enough, soft-spoken and pretty patient….”
Mm-hmm, what else, what else? Continue on….
“I try to be there for people I care about as best as possible, I’m also open to extra work;”
“I’m also not like……I don’t do disappearing acts,”
Well, what happened at your previous job, did you quit or were you fired?
“I quit, sir. My last employer wasn’t very matter of fact,”
“Once I got a couple of promotions, my boss just kind of disregarded me,”
Seems oxymoronic, don’t think you?
“Y-yes sir, it is. It doesn’t make any sense I know, but I don’t know what else to think,
deviantART ResumedeviantART Resume11 years ago in Humor More Like This
Sal Loria (`sasso)
Sunday, August 18th, 2002
Scott Jarkoff ($jark)
Dear Mr. Jarkoff:
With more than 569 days of progressive experience in the deviantART environment, I offer well honed, proven abilities as the visionary, supporter and driver of many strategies that have consistently delivered time and time again for the deviantART community.
After a few months within the community as a deviant with member status, I took the time to reinvent myself and explore the delicate aspects of deviantART. While this has been a passion of mine, I am exploring challenges that will allow me to apply the full scope of my development and talents to grow and expand within a dynamic community. I look forward to the opportunity to explore this even further with deviantART.
Details of my background and contributions are documented in statistics located on my userpage, and it is with complete confidence that I
resumeThe trees were crackling towardsresume3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
the tumbling slate-grey sky. The
morning was vain and well-rested;
you came a nightingale, soft
and unmoving. From there we
saw tragedies unfold continually
into an ocean of invented trust
and exogenic sincerity. Energy
thrown about and captured,
hardened wanderlust in our eyes,
screaming and laughing, falling,
folding with the sky. My heart
was an open cut and every
touch was a sting and I kept it
glistening and wavering so deep
inside that I lost contact with
the world, lost everything. I was
going through old pictures of us,
sunbleached pictures of sunlight
bouncing off our hair. Pictures
of me resting my head on your
shoulder as you pick at the brown
grass beside your sneaker. Pictures
of us with the most shameless smiles.
I guess all along you were infallible,
that's all the pictures have shown
How to Form A Metal BandHow to Form a Metal Band:How to Form A Metal Band1 year ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
Note: This is just a humour piece and is not a part of the appeal so just sit back and relax ^^
--Step One: Can you growl/be really high-pitched?--
a) Yes: Proceed to the next step
b) No: Find a new job
--Step Two: What does your growl/shriek sound like?--
a) OO-WAH-Ah-Ah-Ah: You are mentally unsound, proceed to heavy or death metal
b) SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA: You are a viking wannabe, proceed to power or heavy metal
c) IIIRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA: Demons possess your throat, proceed to death or black metal
d) *Unintelligibly high shrieking noise*: You might have been born in a dirty cradle, proceed to black or power metal
e) ULULULULULULULULULU: Wrong genre, find a new job...
--Heavy metal: What do you like to sing/growl about--
a) I don't like to sing, I just like to growl: In that case find a female singer with a good voice so you can growl away while she sings. You may need to s
ResumeI'll give you back the smile that he stole so thoughtlessly,Resume2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I'll take your hand and give you life and lovely memories,
I see the smile he erased hidden just beneath your eyes,
And I will give it back to you and make you feel alive.
This arrogance of mine may seem like its in vain,
But really I just see your eyes when someone speaks his name,
Your smile's false, I'll make it real, so please dont run and hide,
I know the pain you feel right now is eating you inside.
So take my hand and I'll remind you how you felt back then,
When fairy tales were hopes and dreams and you never knew of sin,
I never let it crush me, this wicked world of ours,
I'm still the Knight I always was, who loves to stare at stars.
So smile bright and come with me, I'll sweep you off your feet,
I'm really not like anyone you'll have the chance to meet,
My world is built of smiles and I'll give them all to you,
Just promise not to make it rain within these skies so blue.
Prouvaire's ResumeJean ProuvaireProuvaire's Resume3 years ago in Academic Essays More Like This
Latin Quarter, Paris, France
(555) 646-1832 Jprouvaire@lesamisdelaabc.org
To obtain a position as an instructor in languages or literature
Université Paris- Sorbonne, Paris, France
Masters in Modern Foreign Language and Literature
Bachelor of French Language and Literature
Assistant Librarian for the Sorbonne Library
Université Paris- Sorbonne
1830- Summer, 1832
Duties: Cataloging, reshelving, assisting students
Apprentice at Petit Journal
Rue de la Chaverirer, Paris, France
Duties: Assistant Printer, Run's the presses, prepare the ink rolls, sets the type.
Can speak, read and write: French, Greek, Italian, Latin, Hebrew and English.
Plays the flute
Professor Francois Blondeau Teacher FBlondeau@sorbonne.edu
Rest My Sweetest DarlingSweetest little dragon child, with a tiny broken wingRest My Sweetest Darling2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
For you it is a solemn song that we are made to sing.
Your parents fought to save you, but here it is you lie
My sweetest little dragon child, why did you have to die?
There are no words to capture grief, nor the mourning in our hearts
I never thought that we were meant to be easily torn apart...
No pain in life could have ever prepared us, for the pain we faced today
My child I wish you could hear the words that we truly long to say
We wish we could have taught you, about the flowers in the spring
We wish we could have showed you, the homes of our kin...
We wish we could have loved you, and watched you fly away
But in this cold and clammy cave is where you have to stay
We'll lay you down to rest for now, so just dream of better times
Your mother and I will be the ones to atone for our crimes
Sleep for now and rest yourself for you needn't ever rise
We will stay and watch you drift away, before our very eyes...
"My dearest Mideen
Accident on a resumeThis is written for The Challenge: Mishap for the Transformation groupAccident on a resume3 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
You ever have one of those days where your rushing through something, then look back and realize you've made several mistakes? Well...i had one of those days...it wasn't one of those signing your soul over to the devil or anything. I was job hunting. And I had stayed up late playing Fallout 3 on my computer again. Anyway, i was job hunting. My travels took me to a local book store. Nothing indicated they were hiring, but i asked for an application anyway.
I made my way over to a nearby table, and sat to fill it out, taking out my trusty ball point pen. I skimmed over the application, noticing everything looked about as standard as any other application. I had other things i wanted to do, so i got to work, skipping the names and signatures for last, writin
ResumeThere Is EverythingResume8 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
And There Is Nothing
And An Innocent Girl
But Tells The Truth
There Is Ugly
And There Is Beautiful
Exciting, And Dull
Wishes To Die
Hopes Of Suicide
And Someone Just Trying
There Is Also Hatred
Yet So Alive
There Is Pacifism
All Pain Since
Throughout The Years
And Throughout The Days
She's Been Fine
But She's Been Insane
Young In Age
And Old In Mind
There's Not Enough Time
Or Too Much
There's A Desired Touch
And There's Rape
But She Can Escape
We'll See Where It Goes
Re: ResumeWordless sins, Maxwell.Re: Resume4 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
Your humanity: infatuation at its best,
when everything feels wrong—
indecisive suicide, cliffsides’ precious irony.
This is gospel:
ain’t no rest for the wicked.
A day of the future, false hero, all will be well.
Feeling this way...
It’s too expensive to be an artist.
No, back-story of a carcass.
Rescuing a ghost walking on clouds…
All you want is to sing ‘one day more.’
It must be doomsday.
Godly Resume MemeGodly Resume MemeGodly Resume Meme3 years ago in Comedy More Like This
Now, as everyone knows: It is Tough To Be A God, but just how tough is it? Just like any other job you need to have a decent resume to show your differing skills.
(Choose any OC, favourite TV, book, etc. characters or even yourself to do this.)
Does it have any special meaning?
Titles you have/wish to have (We are not responsible for feuds caused by doubling titles):
Where do you live? This helps in which pantheon to place you:
Do you have any useful abilities? (Magic? Great strength? Can tie knots better than a Brownie Scout?):
What sort of jobs have you done in the past? Any godly business?:
What sort of god do you wish to be? (Portfolio):
Describe yourself in a concise paragraph please:
Any defining features?
Your holy symbol:
Will you need sacrifices?
Wonderful! Please send in your resume and we shall get back to you in a few Busi
Spiritual ResumeTo God--Spiritual Resume3 years ago in Philosophical More Like This
Every single DevEmoticonRead the comment bellow and choose your favourite emoticonEvery single DevEmoticon4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
[Giggle] [Humpin that leg!] [Clap]
[Bullet; Purple] [Bullet; Green] [rofl] [Here's a kiss for you, my love!] [Nod] [EVIL Laughter!] [Gummybear] [+fav] [Aww] [Rose] [Snowflake] [:p (Lick)]
[Tears] [Crying] [Dance!] [w00t!] [:O (Eek)] [:o (Eek)] [Laughing my ass off!] [Black Rose] [LOL] [Stabbed in the gut, just like Jack the Ripper!] [Stabbed with a Fork!] [Lonely] [:-) (Smile)] [Headbang!] [Cheese] [Chainsaw] [Point Right]
[Explosion] [Cookie] [Fear the katana!] [Drool] [This message sponsored, in part, by: PEE!] [Teddy] [Spam] [O_o] [=p (Razz)] [Penguin] [Thumbs Up] [Party] [Date] [Poo] [Lick me please!]
[Confused] [Invisible] [Blush] [Floating] [Bump] [B-) (Cool)] [Crazy] [Shrug] [;-) (Wink)] [Lick] [Petting is sensual!] [Devilish] [Airborne] [Pepsi] [+favlove]
[Ninja] [Bounce] [Fuzzydemon] [Spammer] [Laughing] [Horny!] [Hi!] [Music] [Yoda] [Spin] [This is your brain; This is drugs; This is your brain on drugs!] [Slow] [Bye] [Popcorn]
[Holidays] [Kitty-chan] [BOO!] [=( (Sad)] [Mwahahahahahahaha!] [Shit is hitting the fan!] [Jawdrop] [w00t!] [OMG] [No, I disagree!] [Fear] [Christmas Tree] [Blush] [Death] [I think I've fainted.] [:? (Confused)] [tack (God of Words)]
Netherlands x Reader: Peter PanYou waited outside, sitting on the cold concrete steps of the church. You huddled your knees to your chest and blew hot air in between the top of your knees. You tried to warm up your nose, since it felt like it would fall off. You looked up at the sky trying to remember why you were there out in the cold again. Your Papa had told you to wait after church, thus leaving you in the teeth-chattering cold.Netherlands x Reader: Peter Pan1 year ago in Short Stories More Like This
Suddenly, you heard grunts and groans coming from the back of the church; you stood up quickly, noticing it was your Papa. You dashed into the church's backyard, you saw him on the floor pleading not to be beaten, but that man just kicked his gut harder. That man was tall, had blonde spiky hair, and blue eyes.
"What are you doing?!" You yelled running towards your Papa, protecting him from the blonde's foot.
"_________-?!" You Papa gasped surprised.
"Why are you doing this!?" You kept on yelling at that guy.
"He owes us money." He said, his words composed, "Looks like you don't know your
my resumewitty, articulate, clever,my resume4 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
good public speaking ability,
reads 862 words per minute.
excellent editor, can pick out
typographical and grammatical errors in text,
can name logical fallacies in the original Latin.
intelligent, opinionated and
quick temper, killer legs.
I can be your Manic-depressive
Pixie Dream Girl, I can subvert any trope,
I can go on for hours about
art and literature and feminist media theory.
I make a great cup of tea,
I leave everything around me in a constant state
of beautiful disarray, I ward off boredom
through sheer force of will.
I can recite the periodic table
up to roentgenium, I know more digits to pi
than are at all necessary or helpful,
I can explain to you the entire history of the universe
if you put aside enough time.
I’m modern-thinking, open-minded,
a wonderful partner for the kind of political debate
that would usually cost you a few friends.
I’m liable to analyse, criticise, and deconstruct
everything you say,
Silent Ponyville 2 Ending 4+Silent Ponyville 2 Ending 4+2 years ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
Fluttershy stepped into the small tub, feeling the water wash over her entire body. Then, without taking a breath, she lowered herself to be completely submerged into the water. She curled up into a small ball at the bottom of the tub as the last of her air escaped from her lungs.
An image of her father appeared before her, as she smiled. No matter how much her body or mind screamed, she wouldn't give it the air it needed.
Fluttershy slowly slipped away, disappearing into a quiet, dark, watery world.
After Angel could no longer hear Fluttershy, he knew he had to act quickly. Unfortunately, he knew there was no way for him to get past the locked door, into the bathroom, and even if he could, he had no way of lifting Fluttershy out of the tub. Not knowing what else he could do, he dashed outside, Fluttershy's suicide note in his paw, looking for somepony, anypony, to help him.
Rainbow Dash had had a rather unsettling day thus far. She knew Fluttershy had been having some unus
A Corpulent FadA Summer weekday. The mall's food court was doing business as usual; not too many patrons, not too little. The sun bloomed in through the large glass walls on the far right side, light glinting off the polished surfaces.A Corpulent Fad4 years ago in Erotic More Like This
However, a new patron entered the court - a teenage girl, appearing to be between 17 and 20, and apparently the staff of all the food outlets were familiar with her, staring at her with mild unease as she entered. She gazed over the vendors available, thinking over with herself which to choose for today. She was quite partial to the Subway sandwiches, though the KFC buckets were always convenient and portable, at the expense of dirtying her fingers and cheeks with crispy orange crumbs. However, she was in the mood for something simple and in plentiful amounts, and so she opted for the Burger King. She waddled towards it with her eyes aiming straight for the menu boards.
She passed the salad bar without even a glimpse towards it, but the woman behind the counter called
Edward - Story of Snow Pt 6Edward - Story of Snow Pt 63 years ago in Settings More Like This
Chapter Twenty One
Soft purple clouds hung like smoke in a dusky twilight sky. The rosy spring evening light flooded through the pointed windows of the dark Gothic pile on the hill above the town, and painted the walls inside with broad swathes of glowing pink
The effect was peaceful and serene. The scene would have made a beautiful watercolour study, if it hadn't been for the horribly jarring note introduced by the black figure at one of the attic windows.
The figure was swathed in trailing strips of ragged bandages, like an inky black Egyptian mummy. The mismatched rags were pinned together with glinting pins, studs, wires and great oval buckles, as if the body of the creature had been hastily assembled with whatever came to hand in a sadist's back parlour.
The thing's face had the likeness of a young boy who had been dead for some time, and then horribly mutilated. The funereal complexion was shadowed with blue and purple along the sunken cheekbones, with dark unhealthy purpl