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All Deviations
All Deviations


I'm good at getting what I want
And right now, I want you
You look like you've got love to give
Let's see what we can do

I'll bat my eyes, you'll crack a joke
You'll feint and I will parry
I make a hint, you flash a look
Our verbal circles wary

You make your move, cut to the chase
I'm hunted down like prey
I surrender as your trophy
And you carry me away
©2008 `amolerouth
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Submitted: May 18
File Size: 546 bytes
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Author's Comments

Advanced critique encouraged, but please remember that this is a song, and that the otherwise unforgivable flaws in metre are integral parts of the flow & melody. If you want a sound clip of me singing this, please let me know.

Of course, this is a work in progress - and your critique will help bring me one step closer to completion. :)
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=curtg:iconcurtg: Jun 2, 2008, 1:15:30 PM
It turns me on! ;)

For a song, you should add a chorus. Something simple, but that really drives the point home (pun inuendo'd). You've got 3 great verses!

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`amolerouth:iconamolerouth: Jun 4, 2008, 6:35:26 PM
Thank you, Curt. :hug: I know I need a chorus - the tricky part is writing one! I've got a couple lines floating around in the back of my brain, I'll see if I can channel them into something useful.

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