What if?  

These words will haunt you for eternity at times it seems.  They will cause you to doubt.  They will cause you to fear.  They will cause you to DECIDE!  A diviner can only foretell a possible future based on the actions you take because, after all, life is a choice.  This is not a story that has happened, or perhaps even will.  This is a story that MAY exist.  This is one possible future of a drow so broken by the world and its false hopes that he has taken in the dark embrace of Shar.  Taking the shadows within him has already come to be but his future has many possibilities.  This is one such choice where all his sorrow becomes too much ... he becomes too much.  When a soul is so broken and consumed by grief, what do they do when they have already embraced the cold darkness?  What happens when the darkness is not enough to hide under?  

... can you be broken so far that you become right again?


*************************

“NO!!!!” came not the shout, but some soul torn scream echoing from the mind and finding its way to his lips.  Misery, the drow duelist, spun around quickly, his purple waist cloak swirling with the movement as he turned to see his daughter falling towards the temple floor with numerous arrows suddenly sticking from her back.  Everything seemed to live out before his eyes in slow motion at that time.  He saw her beautiful oddly colored eyes staring deep into him, one silver (the one that came from his own genes) and one green (the one that came from the daughter's drow mother).  His beautiful daughter, Elundra, seemed to be smiling ever so slightly to her father, her holy symbol of Eilistraee strung to a leather cord upon her neck seeming to float upon the air as she started falling forward, life swiftly fading from her body.  

“Father ...” came the whispered words from her beautiful ebony lips.  Misery dashed forward as swiftly as his feet would carry him.  He quickly slid to his knees, sliding just in time beneath her to catch her within his arms.  His silver eyes were wide with horror.  How could this happen!?  WHY COULD THIS HAPPEN!?!

He ran a hand through her long white locks of hair which, like his own, possessed the tell tale sign of violet streaks within them, marking her as his daughter (though usually the streaks were passed down through a ritual).  Elundra had possessed them at birth though, carrying on a legacy without being given a choice.

Misery's eyes seemed to burn, as if wanting to do something he had somehow forgotten how to do:  cry.  He looked around in confusion to his fellow Sharrans, all drow for they had managed to secure a cell within the outskirts of Menzoberranzan.  Elundra had come back to see her father, to try and reason with him once she had discovered his whereabouts.  The pair had been parted for some time and Elundra's heart being given to Eilistraee (the very goddess whom Misery had turned his back upon) had torn their close relationship beyond repair.  All the Sharran drow had their crossbows at the ready to fire another volley.  Why had they fired!?  WHY HAD THEY FIRED!?!

He didn't know what caused his gaze to settle on one of the high priestesses of Shar they had gained, but his gaze seemed to narrow on her as if seeing something.  The Sharran drowess couldn't help but smile.  Why?  Why?!  

And then he heard the dark whisper of Shar within his mind.

This had to happen.  She was one of our enemies.  Use this sorrow, become my warrior and champion even more so now!  Accept the pain and suffering you feel and make the Eilistraeens PAY for causing you to lose your daughter.

Yes ... yes, he thought.  They must pay for turning his daughter against him.  They must ---

The drow priestess was still smiling.  It haunted him.  Why did it haunt him?

“Father ...”, came a weakened whisper as he snapped his attention back to his beautiful creation.  He rested a hand on her cheek, nodding slightly as if to answer.  His thumb gently wiped away the blood gathering on the corner of her lip as her body bled out.  

“Yes, firefly?” he finally managed to choke out, the tears behind his eyes burning to be free, using a petname he had for her since she was only four.  It was given to her as within the darkness of drow lands, she always seemed to shine so brightly.

She smiled, her oddly colored eyes glazing over quickly.  “I am ... I am your daughter.  You ... you taught me ... so much.” she said in a whisper, struggling to speak.  “And you ... you taught ... taught me that life ... life is too ... too short to not ... be blunt and to be a ... be a warrior.”

He nodded, putting on a hardened smile to fight back the pain killing him from within, the emotional havoc being wreaked at this time.  “And a fine warrior you have become.  You've ... you've made me PROUD Elundra.  I only wish it had not ended like this --”

He was cut off by her finger to his lips.  “As a warrior ... I have to be blunt.  I ... I don't want ... my last words ... to be ... wasted.”

Misery simply nodded.

“ ... and so ... I speak nothing of our differences ... in faith.  I speak ... nothing for our choices.  I speak nothing ... of our past.”  Her words were more forced and Misery could see the light fading from her eyes.  She couldn't see any longer and the world was growing dark around her.  She was not afraid though.  She was her father's daughter and fear was not something entertained often.  She felt at peace ... she felt warm.

“So ... I speak of this ...”

Misery could feel her body growing colder.  Goddess no!!  SHAR STOP THIS!!!!

“ ... I love you ... daddy.”

And those were her last words.  Misery never got a chance to reply.  He felt her life was gone and that she was no longer there.  

Gone.  His baby girl was gone.

His teeth gnashed together grinding to fight back this pain that was all consuming.  He had never felt such pain before.  Never had it been so strong!!  The suffering that consumed him!  The misery!

His eyes clenched shut, his hand gripping her holy symbol of Eilistraee as he tore it free, gripping it within his hands.  He threw his head back and could only scream.  His scream was the embodiment of his life's misery.  It was every horrible thing that had condemned him.  It was every bit of darkness that the world could possibly hold!

Midway through his scream the vision of the smile of the drow priestesses of Shar burned into his mind, causing him to stop abruptly and open his eyes wide.

He understood.

He understood it all.  

... she gave out the order to fire on Elundra when she showed up in their church.  She had been waiting for Misery's daughter to come to him, as had been commanded by Shar!!  Shar wanted Misery to feel this suffering; to feel this LOSS!

And it worked.  Misery's suffering fed the dark goddess.  He had sacrificed his only daughter so that he might know true suffering, so that he might be closer to his dark goddess.  He had sacrificed her at her birth only so that one day he would know this day.  That had been Shar's plan.  That had been her goal.

Misery now knew the ultimate suffering.  He was one step closer to Shar's greatness!!

But ... Misery didn't care that he was closer.  Misery didn't care that this was Shar's will.

His daughter lay dead in his arms and the only thing he cared about was revenge against the smile from the priestess he had no name for.  For every last person who shot and killed his precious firefly!!

But it would all be in Shar's plans.

There was no way out.  She had won.  No matter what he did at this point, Shar had won.

... well played, Lady of Loss.

His grip lightened after realizing how doomed it all was, but by doing so allowed Eilistraee's symbol slipped free.  He caught the cord quickly, causing the symbol to twirl slightly before him.

I love you ... daddy.

“ ... and I love you ... firefly ...”

Eilistraee, divine goddess and beacon for all good drow had given Elundra hope and a path to follow.  She was constantly under attack for being what she was, but it never stopped her unlike it had stopped Misery.  It had never broke her spirit and she still fought for the good of the realms and its people.  She defended the weak and embraced true friendship.

Elundra was not like her father at all, he realized.  She wasn't like him because she wasn't a coward.  She didn't take the easy road.  Each dark path he took that he believed to be the only true road ... a road carved by the dead he slew ... each path was only a lie to himself until the lie became too deep.  He realized it suddenly how strong his daughter had been and how weak he was.

But those were his choices and it was too late now to turn back.

I love you ... daddy.

... too late.

I love you ... daddy.

... wasn't it?

Then, Misery heard another voice in his head.  Suddenly within his head he had a vision.  He was standing back to back in a beautiful field covered by the cover of night, but bathed in the easy light of stars and a fool moon.  He was simply standing there, standing back to back with Her.

“... Eilistraee.”

“Hello, Xytres.” came the divine feminine voice from the drowess he had his back against.

“It's --”

“I know ... it's Misery.” she conceded.

Misery nodded slightly.  “Why am I seeing this again?  We're done remember?”

He heard a soft innocent laugh come from her causing him to growl in frustration.  “What's so funny!?”  With everything that happened, Misery was in no mood for any of this.

“Why, you are silly male.” she replied, keeping her innocent, loving tone.

“And whats so silly about me?” he asked.

“ ... because I didn't call you this time, Sir Misery.  You called me ...”

“I ... called you?”

He didn't know how, but he felt her nod.  “Because Sir Misery ... your soul understands now a bit more.  Unfortunately it took the greatest pain in the world to be dealt to you, but you understand.  The darkness, its the easy way out.  Its a cover to hide who you really are.  Perhaps to some that IS what they really are, but you're different from them.  Shandra saw it in you, Elundra saw it, I see it, and now ... a part of you wants to see it too.”

He wanted to call her a liar.  He wanted to tell her she had no idea what she was talking about.  He wanted to run away from the words.

I love you ... daddy.

And he realized everything she said was true.  Still, he shook his head.  “Its too late for me now.  I'm too far gone.”

Another playful giggle.  “There's no such thing silly boy.”

“I've done too many horrible things.” he countered.

“Then make things right.  Instead of continuing to give in to the evil you have become or disappearing into the darkness forever like I can feel you wish to do, make things right.”

“How?” he asked after a long moment of thought.

“By doing what you're best at of course.  You sure are asking a lot of obvious answered questions” came another playful reply.  “Fight, Misery.”

“Will I not be succumbing to my revenge by doing so?  Will I not continue to give myself over to it all?” he asked doubtfully.

“Thats why you don't lift your weapon in revenge.  You lift it for good.  You lift it for the weak.  But most of all, you lift it for your daughter.  You live the life she had chosen.  If you truly wish to make it right again, follow in HER footsteps.  But, as you know more than anyone, its up to you to make that choice.  Its hard, but you're going to have to forgive yourself for everything.”

He opened to speak again after another long moment of thought but the vision left him.

  Coming a bit closer was the priestess who had yet to remove that wicked grin from her lips.  

“Have you accepted Shar's divine gift of ultimate suffering and misery?” came her sultry toned question.

Misery was heartbroken to do so, but he eased Elundra gently to the ground and out of his arms.  Still holding her symbol to Eilistraee on the leather cord, he moved it to his neck and tied it on, then grabbing the one to Shar and forcefully tore it free, tossing it off to the side.

The eyes of all present grew as big as a dragon's egg at the blasphemy and none, not even the priestess who had heard so many stories about the dark champion of Shar known as Misery, could believe what they just saw.

“What ... what in the nine hells do you think you're doing!?” came her broken and frantic words.

“... I'm forgiving what I've done.” he said as his silver eyes narrowed dangerously upon the priestess.

**************************

Perhaps five minutes later Misery was walking away from the temple of Shar built into the cavern walls of the Underdark, Elundra in his arms and corpses behind him.  He was covered in blood, both from Elundra and her murderers, but held no wounds of his owns.  The shadows had healed those along with his vampiric sword Darkriver.  As he had slain his enemies, he head not done so out of anger.  He had not done so out of pain or revenge.  He did so out of what was right.  He did so to protect others from the pain and loss he had felt by their actions.

And finally, Misery found the tears as they flowed freely from his silver eyes as he carried his beautiful daughter off to bury her beneath the stars of the surface.  He felt every lost moment with her and how he wished he could have told her so much more.  He wanted to tell her how PROUD he was of her and everything she had become.  

Misery would tell her though.  He would tell her through his actions from this point on.  He would thank her for showing him Eilistraee once again in a way he had thought lost.  

“Eilistraee ... please grant me strength of spirit.” he whispered a soft prayer.

I love you ... daddy.

... and that was his blessing.