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All Deviations

Unheard Cry by ~cunfuzzed:iconcunfuzzed:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Horror & Macabre > Ballad


Discovering the lie
No longer are you the alibi
Surrounded, I stand to die.

Hear the horrid gunshots
Pain tears through, my stomach knots
Thick blood fills cast iron pots.

Tie me up with rope and chain
On my back deep welts are lain
In the end I'll feel no pain.

This is one unheard cry.
©2006-2008 ~cunfuzzed
Details
Submitted: April 20, 2006
File Size: 452 bytes
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Comments: 9
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Author's Comments

I couldn't sleep last night, so I eventually came up with this at 11:30 pm. I didn't know which section to put it in; I don't know much about poetry, so I hope it's ok where it is. I don't really think the first part really 'fits' with the rest rythmically, but I'm pleased with how it came out, though it's so short. I don't have much practice writing poetry. =P

EDIT: I changed the first stanza. I still doesn't flow like it should, but it's a heck of a lot better than before.
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Devious Comments

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~jasje-joes:iconjasje-joes: Apr 20, 2006, 10:19:52 AM
it's pretty sad, but (however) i like it :) nicely done!

--
"Molly Leigh, Molly Leigh, you can't catch me,"

When something's fair, it doesn't have to be realistic. Fair and realistic might be synonyms in the best of all possible words, but if so, this was not that world.

Stephen King - misery (the book
~jasje-joes:iconjasje-joes: Apr 20, 2006, 10:25:18 AM
you're welcome! :glomp:

--
"Molly Leigh, Molly Leigh, you can't catch me,"

When something's fair, it doesn't have to be realistic. Fair and realistic might be synonyms in the best of all possible words, but if so, this was not that world.

Stephen King - misery (the book
~master-of-shadow:iconmaster-of-shadow: Apr 20, 2006, 11:26:14 AM
short but extremly expressive, the flow is a little rougth at thew start but improves greatly as you progress though the peice. overall it is very well written

--
with a clap of thunder the clouds parted and once again all was still and alone

:tombstone: :lonely: :tombstone:
~cunfuzzed:iconcunfuzzed: Apr 20, 2006, 12:37:38 PM
Thank you. It's much appreciated. :)
~Animalover:iconAnimalover: Apr 20, 2006, 12:57:26 PM
you got your point through in a small number of stanzas, so it doesn't matter that it's short. I like how the first stanza is off beat, it gives it originality :D Overall really great job, it's a sad but beautiful poem :nod:

--
In the words of Joseph Campbell - "Follow your bliss."
That's all anyone should ever do <3

--

Thanks to ~PhaseXero for my amAaAzing avvie :3
enter my contest or perish
~Art-Wiznerdess:iconArt-Wiznerdess: Apr 20, 2006, 6:59:25 PM
This be Donahue from FP, come to rate the poem, as promised! (thanks so much for rating mine)
I like it, the rhyme pattern is neat...(must try sometime)...Id give it an 8 out of 10, it has so much emotion in it, so much feeling...

--
Madness takes its toll--
Please have exact change.
~cunfuzzed:iconcunfuzzed: Apr 20, 2006, 7:30:53 PM
Thank ya very much Donahue :D

:glomp:
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