Twilight-Uncensored Ch.1ReviewTwilight-Uncensored Ch.1Review4 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Review of Chapter One
By Stephenie Meyer
Years have gone since I've first run into a little thing called Twilight and now I've come to the part of the getting over it and letting kids have their fun, but in all this I've decided to trudge through this pile of shit and actually reread it for the first time since I took an exacto knife and cut a hole out of my only -stolen- copy.
Please note that I'm doing this not only for my own closure, but for your entertainment. I am reading this. I am not enjoying it, but I also want to lay to rest every beef I have with Twilight. [Though just the first book, the others can rot in hell.]
Lastly, I'll probably be dropping a lot of F-bombs and various other angry letter bombs. Deal with it.
Now, on with the horror fest, where we start with the preface.
As plain as you can possibly get, the preface of Twilight says nothing while saying a whole god forsaken paragraph. The tone of the paragraph honestly reminds me of w
HOW TO WRITE YAOI.SO, YOU WANT TO WRITE TEH BEST YAOI EVARR??!11?HOW TO WRITE YAOI.6 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
HOW TO WRITE A BL COMIC--ER, MANGA STORY BY DAIOH--SAKURA AT DEVIANTART.COM.
DESCRIPTION: Guide on how to write TEH BEST YAOI EVARR.
You love to see boys doing the nasty. You love to write about boys doing the nasty. Maybe you love to draw boys doing the nasty. HEY, U NOE WAT??! Maybe you should write a yaoi web comic.
All the cool kids are doing it. And if you do it right, you can become Teh Popularz. Because everyone likes to see men getting it on. And if they dont, theyre probably douche bags. You know that, and I know that.
All you need are a few basic guidelines, DESU~ I have used my Genius Typing Skillz to create a point system for writing your own BL story.
PART ONE: PLOT
Throw it away.
Yaoi is about SEX, you dumbshit. The more plot you have, the more the reader is distracted from your seme and ukes sexy burning passion. God. MINU
Thoughts On Bella SwanYeah, well, I've been reading a bunch of Twilight-based rants lately and thought I'd hop on the bandwagon while it's still fresh. **FAIL** For all you Bella-haters out there, please enjoy. For all of you who actually like Bella and are about to argue with me, YOU CAN SLAP YOURSELF SILLY WITH A FISH FOR ALL I CARE. C:Thoughts On Bella Swan7 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Where to begin? Bella is, without a doubt, an absolute train wreck of a character. It's actually difficult to decide which of her alarmingly numerous flaws (despite her being a fault-less character) require attention first. Nevertheless, let's get started.
Bella Swan is the queen of Mary Sues, if not the goddess of Mary Sues, hands-down. If you don't know what a Mary Sue is, you don't even need to look it up on Wikipedia; as long as you know about Bella, you need no further explanation.
The story immediately starts off with her insisting (it's written in first-person, which is absolutely terrifying, as it means we must constantly be inside Bella's cesspool of a brain) that
Twilight-Uncensored Ch.2ReviewTwilight-Uncensored Ch.2Review4 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Review of Chapter Two
By Stephenie Meyer
Okay, so I'm back again with the second chapter of Twilight.
Just like last time, I'm going to start off by saying that I'm going into this with a perspective that may be harsh, too critical and possibly laced with more F-bombs than an Eminem song. I'm giving you the view of Twilight as raw from me as possible. This is also just for fun guys. I'm not torturing myself too much, because I love to rant and rave like the next bastard and you like to be entertained. Don't lie. Fuckers.
Last time I started on the book with the preface and chapter one; introducing the character Bella and a brief glimpse of Edward Cullen. Bella is "new" to Forksdespite being from Forks and visiting every summer for fourteen years. Her first day of school and run-in with the teen heart throb Edward Cullen has left her off in the previous chapter as having a break down in her little go-go mobile.
And this is where we begin the illustrious
THE Zombie Survival Guide*This part is for newbies. Skip down to the dashes if you already know this stuff.*THE Zombie Survival Guide4 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Okay, so first of all, a zombie is a reanimated corpse that lurches around looking for human flesh. Different breeds may be reasoned with, or even "cured" back to the original personality. However, the most typical zombies:
-Are incoherent. They will not be reasoned with or threatened.
-They don't sleep.
-They seem to like brains, but most will settle for a nice hunk of your flesh.
-The come in different speeds, from crawling to shambling to running. Most are shambling along at a slow slow walk.
-They do not drown or asphyxiate.
-Some will burn easily while others will not burn at all.
-Most zombies will "die" from severe damage to the head.
-It is said they are attracted by sound, but this varies.
-VERY IMPORTANT: The most dangerous thing about zombies is that if they bite you and you die before your brain is destroyed, you will come back to life as ANOTHER ZOMBIE. That's how they spread their numbers
Quick Guide: Story OrganizingA Quick Guide to Organizing Your Fantasy/Sci-Fi NovelQuick Guide: Story Organizing4 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
I'm going to try and briefly cover World Building specifically for Fantasy and Science Fiction (though it will apply in general to any setting), both major and minor Characters, and some basics of Timeline here. I am not going to walk you step by step through how to write your own story, but you should (hopefully) get some useful tips out of this.
I never used to organize my novels before I started writing. I have so many stories in my head, I would just pick one and start writing. I didn't have trouble keeping to the same details of a given character because I knew them so well. But after taking such a long break from writing Missing Puzzle Pieces, I really needed to do some serious work. I don't remember all the details I had in my head back when I started... in fact, I've completely forgotten the original ending. For those of you who don't know my story, which starts
Time Travel Do's and Don'tsDo's and Don'ts of Time TravelTime Travel Do's and Don'ts4 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
So, you've finally done it. You've scraped together the millions of dollars, dozens of passports, countless vaccinations and hours and hours of anachronistic language classes. The day is at long last here, and you are ready to take that romantic little vacation through time. Yes, time travel is everything you've been told. You will meet exotic people, doing exotic things in exotic eras. You will get to see the "Good Old Days" when they were better known as "These Wretched Times." But, before you hit the app button on your genius phone, there are a few things you should know:
Time Travel Don'ts
Don't shoot your grandfather. It's tempting isn't it? You've read about people who've done it on countless blogs and seen the very realistic, yet highly grainy videos, on YouTube. Shooting your biological grandfather isn't just against the law, both criminal and temporal, it is considered unacceptable behavior in just about all cultures. For now, let's put as
How to make Muffin-Tin PiesHow to make Muffin-Tin Pies2 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
This is a really fun recipe I use for the Holidays and parties! ^-^
The steps listed below will make approximately one/one-and-a-half batches of twelve mini mixed-berry pies. Just use a regular muffin tin, and you can use paper muffin cups if you like, but if you don't I recommend spraying the ENTIRE muffin tin (not just the cups) before putting in the dough to help them come out easier.
The Oven will need to be pre-heated to 350 degrees before the pies can go in the oven.
2 1/2 cups flour
1/4 cup sugar
2 teaspoons of salt
1/2 cup shortening (I generally use Crisco)
3/4 cup butter (chilled)
6 Tablespoons of ice water
Making the dough:
1.) Cut up butter into medium-sized cubes and return it to the refrigerator for later use.
2.) Cut up the shortening and drop in chunks into a bowl of ice water.
3.) In a separate bowl (large), combine flour, sugar and salt and then mix well.
3.) After they are chilled, remove the shortening from ice water, the but
How to Win an ArgumentEveryone gets into arguments at some point in their life. Electronic communication receptacles are no exception. If anything, one is more -likely- to find that it is easier to become embroiled in an online argument than anything else.How to Win an Argument4 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
1. CAP THAT If there's one sure-fire way to make a point stronger, it's typing in ALL CAPS. Considering that there are many instances when sound can't travel over the net, one must find the next best available way to be heard. This "next best" way is through "shouting," which just happens to be done online through typing in CAPS. Just like screaming, shouting, and general tantrum-throwing in real life, this method is a highly efficient method of making sure that your point gets across and makes you seem ten thousand times more valid and understandable. Additionally, it makes your argument come on more forcefully and shows the opposition you mean "serious fucking shit" with your side of things.
After all, loud noises work with dogs and small
How To 'Flesh Out' an OCHow To 'Flesh Out' an OC4 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
The aggregate of features and traits that form the
individual nature of some person or thing.
In this tutorial I will guide you through a way to 'flesh out' an Original Character (Also known as an OC). Before we begin, let's go through the basics.
A character is quite simply one who possesses qualities that define them from someone else. Every character is original and unique. A character can not only be human, but an animal, an alien, or anything that the imagination can come up with.
However, characters are often difficult to create, because to put it bluntly, you are in a sense creating a new being. This being needs the same kinds of traits and characteristics you possess, but can't be your own. They have to be original. In this case, many young writers and artists forget how hard it is to make a character and forget the complex details that enhance a character.
Fleshing out is a term used commonly in developing characters. It means to add additional det
How Not to Tell a StoryAfter being on DeviantArt for a few years now, I've noticed patterns in people's stories. Patterns, that I can't say I've ever seen until I started using the internet. I believe that's because these kind of patterns are thoroughly unprofessional. The pattern in short is this:How Not to Tell a Story2 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Character = victim
Plot = bad things happening to said victim
Maybe this sounds harsh. It's not if you understand that is ALL there is to these stories. They take any character, hurl them into a tragedy and that's it.
Let's get this straight: We do not know your character well enough to care about them yet. No matter how bloody and gutty their injuries are, no matter how many of their family members are deceased, no matter what their boyfriend did to them, no matter what kind of disease they have, WE. DO. NOT. CARE!!!!!
These kind of things are sad in themselves, but WHO is this person we're supposed to feel so horrible for? Establish THAT. It should be your absolute FIRST priority: no exceptions.
No more pasting
A Note on Writing CharactersA Note on Writing Characters5 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
My dearest, darling Author:
I enjoyed reading your book, I really did. But there were some things that simply got on my nerves.
Your need to tell me absolutely everything, as if every tiny detail were just so integral to the plot, was supremely annoying. I do not need to know a character's hair and eye color when I first meet them, or every detail down to the style of his buttons when he walks into a scene; I do not necessarily need to know what his lunch was or that he went bowling with the guys last Saturday and has been in the league for five years. Take for instance that scene on the veranda, where the one protagonist stepped up to the wall and got his first good look at the sea in years. You wasted paragraphs and paragraphs of words explaining how, when he was a boy and saw the ocean for the first time, it was terrifying to him, left him with a feeling of crushing loneliness. Now, if you had simply said he stepped up to the wall and saw the sea for the first time in years, and had
100 themes challenge list100 themes100 themes challenge list5 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
10. New arrival
11. Dream land
14. Forbidden love
42. It wasn't me
43. He did it
44. The dog ate it
45. Run away
50. On top of the world
51. Feeling good
52. A night under the stars
53. Please go away
54. Running from your problems
57. Pretty girl
58. Handsome man
76. No hope
79. Light at the end of the tunnel
FRANK IERO QUOTESFrank Iero quotesFRANK IERO QUOTES7 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
"This is a band that will save your life."
"I would date Gerard."
"I can't imagine any other bands having better kids than ours, and if they do at least I know our kids can beat up their kids."
"I'm totally f-in' bummed about the 'Ghost of You' leak. If you see a site with a link to the video, please don't watch it. Don't send it out. Don't look at screencaps. It's NOT FINISHED YET!"
"If I revealed my secret identity, the world would go to shit."
Camera Man: "Can't handle with that." Frank: "Hmmm, you need to a open mind my friend."
"Oh, one time we got held hostage!
"We've mutilated, killed and disemboweled rock 'n' roll clichés!
"My biggest addictions have been chocolate cake, mashed potatoes, and butter sandwiches.
"I burn everything and call it Cajun.
"Really I don't know anything other than Jersey. I like the dirtiness of it. Now I'm getting to see the world, and it's great, but it's not better than Jersey"
Camera man: "Did you read t
435 Writing Prompts!1. Violinist. (Or violin)435 Writing Prompts!2 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
3. Paper aeroplane.
4. Dandelion seed.
6. She sings.
7. Dragonfly toes.
8. A stolen ring.
9. Broken wristwatch.
10. Missing tooth.
12. Fairytale gone wrong.
19. Lucky rabbit's paw.
24. 1000 paper cranes.
27. Puppet show.
28. Triskaidekaphobia. (Fear of the number thirteen.)
30. Letters to the moon.
32. Ballet shoes.
35. Breathless. (Or, breathlessly.)
36. Tachycardia. (An unusually fast heartbeat.)
37. Bradycardia. (A very slow heartbeat.)
40. Strobe light.
42. Fake quirks.
43. Contact lenses.
44. Siren. (Either the mythological creature, or the object.)
46. Comet in a bottle.
50. Tarot card.
How to Make Someone Hate YouHow to Make Someone Hate YouHow to Make Someone Hate You3 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
For those of you who are in dire need to have the loathing hatred of someone else out there.
Draw better than someone and be proud of your art.
Draw better than someone and not be happy with your art.
Be average in everything art and be content with improving as you go.
Suck at art and be happy with it.
Suck at art.
Type like a Neanderthal and think it's the proper way to type on the internet.
Type like a Neanderthal and not care if no one understands you.
Type like a normal person, with some mistakes here and there.
Type like a god and look down on Neanderthals.
Type like a god.
State your educated opinion.
State your uneducated opinion.
Have an opinion.
State the facts that prove someone is an idiot.
State the facts.
Be proud of being homosexual.
Be proud of being straight.
Be proud of being bisexual.
Be proud of being pansexual.
Be proud of being any sexuality.
Act like a bigoted Christian.
Act like a bigoted Christian who feels
How to Write a NovelOr at least how I plan to write my novels. Right now I'm tweaking a novel for release (aka Fine Drafting it). No matter how essential this step is, fine drafting a book doesn't feel like real writing, so I thought I would flex my writing muscles by trying to recapture what it took to bring this book into existence. What burbled up from the morass seemed about as wiry as Jeffy's run through gangland in the Family Circus cartoon that never made it to print (ask your parents kids). So. I decided to iron the process out and streamline the steps into what you might call "Ikea Instructions for Writing a Novel" a short simple guide to the mechanical side of bringing a book together.How to Write a Novel5 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
One word of warning though, some of this is untested advice. It is a combination of the way I did it as well as the way I now see that I should have done it. Whether or not it actually works I won't know until after I write the next book. So take what you read here with a grain of salt.
Why I Think Twilight SucksWhy I Think Twilight Sucks6 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
The majority of my non-working summer draws to a close today, and what better way to waste time than write? I must admit Ive been drawn to writing a little bit more over the past week, sparked by the visual consumption of Anti-Twilight rants. Many of the points I plan to bring up have been covered in every other Anti-Twilight rant that Ive read, but if this is the only one you ever plan on reading, than for the sake of sparing you the humiliation of liking Twilight, Ill cover them ALL as best I can.
Let me start right off the bat with the most obvious flaw in Twilight; the characters personalities (or severe lack thereof). Dont worry, Ill get to Eddy and Bellas dysfunctional relationship soon enough, but for us twihaters its obvious enough. For you Twitards, stick around. Itll save your life.
Let me start by listing a few of Bellas key attributes:
Ten Commandments of Writing1. Have an original plot.Ten Commandments of Writing4 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
If every book was the same, we'd get bored with them pretty quick. Variety is what gives that special spice. Try to come up with a story that's entirely your own. If your work is based off another work, however loosely, make sure you use your own style. Don't just repeat what someone else has already written. Nobody likes a copycat, and you could face an unpleasant lawsuit that way.
2. Have a good title.
If you want people to read your book, you'll need a title that will catch their eye. Make it exciting, but keep it brief, too. Don't make your title so long that it wears the reader down. Try to stay within the limit of ten words. If you have trouble inventing a title, go through your story and decide what the main theme is, what it is in that story that really stands out.
3. Make your characters as believable as possible.
The characters are what make the story a story. You learn about them, sympathize with them, and hate them.
My Really Long Webcomic GuideMy Really Long Webcomic Guide5 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Jenny's Really Long Webcomic Guide
I have been getting quite a few emails and questions about starting up your own webcomic, so I decided to compile all the articles I'd written before into this one comprehensive guide.
This massive wall of text has several sections:
- How to start
- Getting the story started
- Readership & research
- The Internets!
These are my own guidelines, based on my own experiences, and these are my solutions to the problems and issues I have encountered along the way. This is not necessarily the one true way. There are probably many different solutions to any problem. And a bajillion books on this very subject too. But regardless of what I have to say, do what works for you!
So take your bathroom breaks now, because you'll be here for a bit! Sit tight and enjoy my blathering!
Part One: "How do you start a webcomic?" A Short Question... with a big, long, friggin' answer.
Okay, a l
Official Wolfaboo DefinitionOfficial Wolfaboo Definition5 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Wolf·a·boo [wolf-uh-boo] (n.)
1. Derived from the term Weeaboo (referring to a person overly obsessed with japan.) A Wolfaboo: "A person overly obsessed with wolves; one who equates a human life to that of a wolf; someone who defends and or glorifies wolves killing humans; Deems a wolf's live superior to a humans. Often misspelling the plural of wolf as 'wolfs'; Often, will make up lies and propaganda to defend wolves; most of the lies do not hold true when put to actual research."
see: Ignorant, Stubborn, Brainwashed, Liar, Foolish
definition by DonutPie
Words To Avoid"Words To Avoid In Creative Writing"Words To Avoid5 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
We've all heard there are some no-no words in creative writing - these are words that you want to avoid "at all costs" some people say, but do you know which they are, and why you should avoid them? Well, I didn't the first time I saw a list of "words to avoid", and not surprisingly, a lot of people who write these lists don't know why either. (I know, SHOCK! GASP! just because someone wrote a guide doesn't mean they know what they're talking about.)
So, this morning I went on a word-finding spree to find these "word lists" and find out WHY I was supposed to avoid these words - and more importantly, HOW. This guide will explain what I discovered.
WARNING: Quite often in this guide I am going to use words I say you shouldn't. Do as I say, not as I do. I address one problem at a time so as not to confuse people, so yes, some of my examples will have several mistakes in them even if I only address one of those mistakes.