Twilight-Uncensored Ch.1ReviewTwilight-Uncensored Ch.1Review4 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Review of Chapter One
By Stephenie Meyer
Years have gone since I've first run into a little thing called Twilight and now I've come to the part of the getting over it and letting kids have their fun, but in all this I've decided to trudge through this pile of shit and actually reread it for the first time since I took an exacto knife and cut a hole out of my only -stolen- copy.
Please note that I'm doing this not only for my own closure, but for your entertainment. I am reading this. I am not enjoying it, but I also want to lay to rest every beef I have with Twilight. [Though just the first book, the others can rot in hell.]
Lastly, I'll probably be dropping a lot of F-bombs and various other angry letter bombs. Deal with it.
Now, on with the horror fest, where we start with the preface.
As plain as you can possibly get, the preface of Twilight says nothing while saying a whole god forsaken paragraph. The tone of the paragraph honestly reminds me of w
HOW TO WRITE YAOI.SO, YOU WANT TO WRITE TEH BEST YAOI EVARR??!11?HOW TO WRITE YAOI.6 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
HOW TO WRITE A BL COMIC--ER, MANGA STORY BY DAIOH--SAKURA AT DEVIANTART.COM.
DESCRIPTION: Guide on how to write TEH BEST YAOI EVARR.
You love to see boys doing the nasty. You love to write about boys doing the nasty. Maybe you love to draw boys doing the nasty. HEY, U NOE WAT??! Maybe you should write a yaoi web comic.
All the cool kids are doing it. And if you do it right, you can become Teh Popularz. Because everyone likes to see men getting it on. And if they dont, theyre probably douche bags. You know that, and I know that.
All you need are a few basic guidelines, DESU~ I have used my Genius Typing Skillz to create a point system for writing your own BL story.
PART ONE: PLOT
Throw it away.
Yaoi is about SEX, you dumbshit. The more plot you have, the more the reader is distracted from your seme and ukes sexy burning passion. God. MINU
Quick Guide: Story OrganizingA Quick Guide to Organizing Your Fantasy/Sci-Fi NovelQuick Guide: Story Organizing4 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
I'm going to try and briefly cover World Building specifically for Fantasy and Science Fiction (though it will apply in general to any setting), both major and minor Characters, and some basics of Timeline here. I am not going to walk you step by step through how to write your own story, but you should (hopefully) get some useful tips out of this.
I never used to organize my novels before I started writing. I have so many stories in my head, I would just pick one and start writing. I didn't have trouble keeping to the same details of a given character because I knew them so well. But after taking such a long break from writing Missing Puzzle Pieces, I really needed to do some serious work. I don't remember all the details I had in my head back when I started... in fact, I've completely forgotten the original ending. For those of you who don't know my story, which starts
How to Win an ArgumentEveryone gets into arguments at some point in their life. Electronic communication receptacles are no exception. If anything, one is more -likely- to find that it is easier to become embroiled in an online argument than anything else.How to Win an Argument5 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
1. CAP THAT If there's one sure-fire way to make a point stronger, it's typing in ALL CAPS. Considering that there are many instances when sound can't travel over the net, one must find the next best available way to be heard. This "next best" way is through "shouting," which just happens to be done online through typing in CAPS. Just like screaming, shouting, and general tantrum-throwing in real life, this method is a highly efficient method of making sure that your point gets across and makes you seem ten thousand times more valid and understandable. Additionally, it makes your argument come on more forcefully and shows the opposition you mean "serious fucking shit" with your side of things.
After all, loud noises work with dogs and small
How Not to Tell a StoryAfter being on DeviantArt for a few years now, I've noticed patterns in people's stories. Patterns, that I can't say I've ever seen until I started using the internet. I believe that's because these kind of patterns are thoroughly unprofessional. The pattern in short is this:How Not to Tell a Story2 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Character = victim
Plot = bad things happening to said victim
Maybe this sounds harsh. It's not if you understand that is ALL there is to these stories. They take any character, hurl them into a tragedy and that's it.
Let's get this straight: We do not know your character well enough to care about them yet. No matter how bloody and gutty their injuries are, no matter how many of their family members are deceased, no matter what their boyfriend did to them, no matter what kind of disease they have, WE. DO. NOT. CARE!!!!!
These kind of things are sad in themselves, but WHO is this person we're supposed to feel so horrible for? Establish THAT. It should be your absolute FIRST priority: no exceptions.
No more pasting
100 themes challenge list100 themes100 themes challenge list5 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
10. New arrival
11. Dream land
14. Forbidden love
42. It wasn't me
43. He did it
44. The dog ate it
45. Run away
50. On top of the world
51. Feeling good
52. A night under the stars
53. Please go away
54. Running from your problems
57. Pretty girl
58. Handsome man
76. No hope
79. Light at the end of the tunnel
435 Writing Prompts!1. Violinist. (Or violin)435 Writing Prompts!3 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
3. Paper aeroplane.
4. Dandelion seed.
6. She sings.
7. Dragonfly toes.
8. A stolen ring.
9. Broken wristwatch.
10. Missing tooth.
12. Fairytale gone wrong.
19. Lucky rabbit's paw.
24. 1000 paper cranes.
27. Puppet show.
28. Triskaidekaphobia. (Fear of the number thirteen.)
30. Letters to the moon.
32. Ballet shoes.
35. Breathless. (Or, breathlessly.)
36. Tachycardia. (An unusually fast heartbeat.)
37. Bradycardia. (A very slow heartbeat.)
40. Strobe light.
42. Fake quirks.
43. Contact lenses.
44. Siren. (Either the mythological creature, or the object.)
46. Comet in a bottle.
50. Tarot card.
My Really Long Webcomic GuideMy Really Long Webcomic Guide5 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Jenny's Really Long Webcomic Guide
I have been getting quite a few emails and questions about starting up your own webcomic, so I decided to compile all the articles I'd written before into this one comprehensive guide.
This massive wall of text has several sections:
- How to start
- Getting the story started
- Readership & research
- The Internets!
These are my own guidelines, based on my own experiences, and these are my solutions to the problems and issues I have encountered along the way. This is not necessarily the one true way. There are probably many different solutions to any problem. And a bajillion books on this very subject too. But regardless of what I have to say, do what works for you!
So take your bathroom breaks now, because you'll be here for a bit! Sit tight and enjoy my blathering!
Part One: "How do you start a webcomic?" A Short Question... with a big, long, friggin' answer.
Okay, a l
Time Travel Do's and Don'tsDo's and Don'ts of Time TravelTime Travel Do's and Don'ts4 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
So, you've finally done it. You've scraped together the millions of dollars, dozens of passports, countless vaccinations and hours and hours of anachronistic language classes. The day is at long last here, and you are ready to take that romantic little vacation through time. Yes, time travel is everything you've been told. You will meet exotic people, doing exotic things in exotic eras. You will get to see the "Good Old Days" when they were better known as "These Wretched Times." But, before you hit the app button on your genius phone, there are a few things you should know:
Time Travel Don'ts
Don't shoot your grandfather. It's tempting isn't it? You've read about people who've done it on countless blogs and seen the very realistic, yet highly grainy videos, on YouTube. Shooting your biological grandfather isn't just against the law, both criminal and temporal, it is considered unacceptable behavior in just about all cultures. For now, let's put as
THE Zombie Survival Guide*This part is for newbies. Skip down to the dashes if you already know this stuff.*THE Zombie Survival Guide4 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Okay, so first of all, a zombie is a reanimated corpse that lurches around looking for human flesh. Different breeds may be reasoned with, or even "cured" back to the original personality. However, the most typical zombies:
-Are incoherent. They will not be reasoned with or threatened.
-They don't sleep.
-They seem to like brains, but most will settle for a nice hunk of your flesh.
-The come in different speeds, from crawling to shambling to running. Most are shambling along at a slow slow walk.
-They do not drown or asphyxiate.
-Some will burn easily while others will not burn at all.
-Most zombies will "die" from severe damage to the head.
-It is said they are attracted by sound, but this varies.
-VERY IMPORTANT: The most dangerous thing about zombies is that if they bite you and you die before your brain is destroyed, you will come back to life as ANOTHER ZOMBIE. That's how they spread their numbers
Words To Avoid"Words To Avoid In Creative Writing"Words To Avoid5 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
We've all heard there are some no-no words in creative writing - these are words that you want to avoid "at all costs" some people say, but do you know which they are, and why you should avoid them? Well, I didn't the first time I saw a list of "words to avoid", and not surprisingly, a lot of people who write these lists don't know why either. (I know, SHOCK! GASP! just because someone wrote a guide doesn't mean they know what they're talking about.)
So, this morning I went on a word-finding spree to find these "word lists" and find out WHY I was supposed to avoid these words - and more importantly, HOW. This guide will explain what I discovered.
WARNING: Quite often in this guide I am going to use words I say you shouldn't. Do as I say, not as I do. I address one problem at a time so as not to confuse people, so yes, some of my examples will have several mistakes in them even if I only address one of those mistakes.
A Note on Writing CharactersA Note on Writing Characters5 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
My dearest, darling Author:
I enjoyed reading your book, I really did. But there were some things that simply got on my nerves.
Your need to tell me absolutely everything, as if every tiny detail were just so integral to the plot, was supremely annoying. I do not need to know a character's hair and eye color when I first meet them, or every detail down to the style of his buttons when he walks into a scene; I do not necessarily need to know what his lunch was or that he went bowling with the guys last Saturday and has been in the league for five years. Take for instance that scene on the veranda, where the one protagonist stepped up to the wall and got his first good look at the sea in years. You wasted paragraphs and paragraphs of words explaining how, when he was a boy and saw the ocean for the first time, it was terrifying to him, left him with a feeling of crushing loneliness. Now, if you had simply said he stepped up to the wall and saw the sea for the first time in years, and had
Artist Alley 101Artist Alley 1013 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
ARTIST ALLEY 101
Hi there deviantart guinea pigs! 8D I'm preparing an outline for a panel at A-kon! I have vast experience attending conventions and displaying my work. What I've written here are my total thoughts on how to do your first artist alley. It has not been made into an outline yet. What I'm needing is feedback, questions, and conversations about this information so I can decide what I might add or take away from this discussion before creating a final outline and hand out! Please help me! I'd really appreciate any comments you feel ready to leave! I am not really a comfortable public speaker, I only feel capable once I have prepared material extensively for the occasion.
Why to do an artist alley:
AA can turn a nice profit for a lot of people, but more often than not, First Con Ever is a learning experience more than a bountiful retail extravaganza. But before you shy away from losing money, consider that you'll probably pay more for a single college class and
Thoughts On Bella SwanYeah, well, I've been reading a bunch of Twilight-based rants lately and thought I'd hop on the bandwagon while it's still fresh. **FAIL** For all you Bella-haters out there, please enjoy. For all of you who actually like Bella and are about to argue with me, YOU CAN SLAP YOURSELF SILLY WITH A FISH FOR ALL I CARE. C:Thoughts On Bella Swan7 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Where to begin? Bella is, without a doubt, an absolute train wreck of a character. It's actually difficult to decide which of her alarmingly numerous flaws (despite her being a fault-less character) require attention first. Nevertheless, let's get started.
Bella Swan is the queen of Mary Sues, if not the goddess of Mary Sues, hands-down. If you don't know what a Mary Sue is, you don't even need to look it up on Wikipedia; as long as you know about Bella, you need no further explanation.
The story immediately starts off with her insisting (it's written in first-person, which is absolutely terrifying, as it means we must constantly be inside Bella's cesspool of a brain) that
Naming Your NovelNaming Your Novel2 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
*This is also helpful for other types of fiction and possibly even non-fiction.*
Note: How careful you have to be naming your novel depends heavily on if you are planning to sell it, and how you are planning to sell it. If you are an unknown who is self-publishing and you want a lot of people to read and buy your novel, you need to do extensive research on the market. This article only covers a few tips, and I am in no way a publishing expert. But, even if you don't plan on going mass-commercial, that doesn't mean you shouldn't spend some time deciding on a name for your labor of love and I hope this article provides some useful ideas.
Consider important items--does your story revolve around a magical staff, sword or pendant? For example: "The Staff of Alema," "The Sapphire Sword," or "The Destiny Pendant." (I know these are cheesy but you get the idea).
Consider who your protagonist IS--is it an assassin, a magician, an apprentice
The Truth About Selling FanartUpdate notice as of January 17, 2013: I have given this guide a MAJOR overhaul. It was originally written over a year and a half ago, and since then my own views and understanding of copyrights has changed. I felt that this guide should reflect those changes, so if you read this guide in the past, please take a moment to look through it again as I have added MANY new topics, information, and sources. Unlike my first draft, I have also changed my viewpoint to neutral throughout this writing.The Truth About Selling Fanart4 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer, nor any kind of professional that works in dealing with laws or copyrights. This guide was written based on my own research and understanding of copyright laws, and from discussions with others knowledgeable of the subject. These facts are all sourced from U.S. law. I encourage others to do their own research and draw informed conclusions on how they would like to pursue the issue of selling fanart.
The Truth About Selling Fanart
Fanart is somethin
Why I Think Twilight SucksWhy I Think Twilight Sucks6 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
The majority of my non-working summer draws to a close today, and what better way to waste time than write? I must admit Ive been drawn to writing a little bit more over the past week, sparked by the visual consumption of Anti-Twilight rants. Many of the points I plan to bring up have been covered in every other Anti-Twilight rant that Ive read, but if this is the only one you ever plan on reading, than for the sake of sparing you the humiliation of liking Twilight, Ill cover them ALL as best I can.
Let me start right off the bat with the most obvious flaw in Twilight; the characters personalities (or severe lack thereof). Dont worry, Ill get to Eddy and Bellas dysfunctional relationship soon enough, but for us twihaters its obvious enough. For you Twitards, stick around. Itll save your life.
Let me start by listing a few of Bellas key attributes:
40 Awesome Quotes40 Awesome Quotes40 Awesome Quotes4 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
They say loving you is my biggest mistake
But how can it be wrong if it feels so right?
If I ever make a mistake,
It's not that I love you
It's thinking that someday you'll love me too.
Wouldn't it be nice if the world was paper,
You could wipe your arse on your next-door neighbour.
It's a man's obligation
To stick his boneration
Into the woman's separation
This kind of penetration
Will increase the population
In the end of the generation
-SP, Eric Cartman
If you love something let it go.
If it comes back it's yours.
If it doesn't hunt it down and kill it.
If you hurt I hurt.
If you laugh I laugh.
If you cry I cry.
If you jump off a cliff I'll miss your company.
Laugh and the world laughs with you.
Fart and you stand alone.
To fly is to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
If it wasn't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: ever
How to make Muffin-Tin PiesHow to make Muffin-Tin Pies3 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
This is a really fun recipe I use for the Holidays and parties! ^-^
The steps listed below will make approximately one/one-and-a-half batches of twelve mini mixed-berry pies. Just use a regular muffin tin, and you can use paper muffin cups if you like, but if you don't I recommend spraying the ENTIRE muffin tin (not just the cups) before putting in the dough to help them come out easier.
The Oven will need to be pre-heated to 350 degrees before the pies can go in the oven.
2 1/2 cups flour
1/4 cup sugar
2 teaspoons of salt
1/2 cup shortening (I generally use Crisco)
3/4 cup butter (chilled)
6 Tablespoons of ice water
Making the dough:
1.) Cut up butter into medium-sized cubes and return it to the refrigerator for later use.
2.) Cut up the shortening and drop in chunks into a bowl of ice water.
3.) In a separate bowl (large), combine flour, sugar and salt and then mix well.
3.) After they are chilled, remove the shortening from ice water, the but
Character Design TutorialGENERAL ISSUES ABOUT CHARACTER DESIGNCharacter Design Tutorial5 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
[New section!] Over-mirroring aka sticking too much in patterns of the original series!
INTRODUCTION: DESIGN OF CHARACTER'S LOOKS: WHAT IS ITS ROLE IN THE WHOLE CHARACTER DESIGN?
At first: No costume can save a badly made character. Your Average Joe/Jane character won't become any more interesting even if you make him/her to wear turquoise hair and odd-colored neon-color eyes. What makes character interesting is his/her INNER SIDE: his/her personality, history, skills, behavior pattern, odd traits, running gags, simply WHAT (S)HE IS. A rye bread doesn't become into a cream cake even if you put on it whipped cream and strawberries.
However, a good design may help the reader/viewer to notice, tell apart and remember the character more easily. That's why all Naruto characters are not sporting black hair and wearing those green tactical vests: if all character seemed almost similar, it would be pain for the reader to tell who of th
How to Write a NovelOr at least how I plan to write my novels. Right now I'm tweaking a novel for release (aka Fine Drafting it). No matter how essential this step is, fine drafting a book doesn't feel like real writing, so I thought I would flex my writing muscles by trying to recapture what it took to bring this book into existence. What burbled up from the morass seemed about as wiry as Jeffy's run through gangland in the Family Circus cartoon that never made it to print (ask your parents kids). So. I decided to iron the process out and streamline the steps into what you might call "Ikea Instructions for Writing a Novel" a short simple guide to the mechanical side of bringing a book together.How to Write a Novel5 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
One word of warning though, some of this is untested advice. It is a combination of the way I did it as well as the way I now see that I should have done it. Whether or not it actually works I won't know until after I write the next book. So take what you read here with a grain of salt.