I hate --I hate --4 years ago in Emotional
I hate that I have nothing better to do than to make this list.
I hate how I'm going to make about 43578978 typos while writing this.
I hate how I'm too lazy to go back and fix said typos.
I hate that I don't have word office or whatever to correct my typos.
I hate that my computer crashes every other month.
I hate how I still don't use a flash drive to back my work up.
I hate that I had so many unfinished, near-completion pictures I lost because of said crash.
I hate how long it takes me to finish art trades.
I hate how people take shit so seriously.
I hate that I used to take shit so seriously.
I hate how people can take the -internet- so seriously.
I hate that there will be those few select people who take these lists seriously.
I hate how out of those people, a few of them will pretend to take it seriously, but they really don't, and are just arguing for the lulz.
I hate how much I love reading do it for the lulz's stuff.
I hate yaoi.
I hate yaoi's incredibly scary fan base.
Don't Fall In Love With A Writer Just because they will bruise your neck with pearls of metaphors; and splash palettes of colours onto your chest with reckless waves and boundless twilight. They will smear ink onto your lips as you kiss them because that is how they leave hickeys. They are wildest in their 2 a.m. diary, and liveliest in book racks of novels; they have butterflies in every heartbeat and they breathe living poems. They leave trails in libraries and coffee shops like Hansel leaves crumbs in forest and they have undying lovers because every love story is ever living in their abyssal oceans of analogies and similes. They know every cliché like the sunset knows the moon rise, and every wound in their heart like blood in their veins. They are terrifying because they weave you in splinters of fires rolling down their cheeks. They are weird because they don't smile much but sometimes you could catch their smiles in poems or tales. They are psychotic bDon't Fall In Love With A Writer1 year ago in Emotional
Let the Fall Make You Stronger."Hey! Are you all right?"Let the Fall Make You Stronger.1 year ago in Emotional
"Sure, why wouldn't I be?"
"Um...because you just fell from the roof of the hou-"
"See, that's where you're wrong. I didn't fall. The floor challenged me and I accepted."
"And how did that go for you?"
"The floor won. But only because it had the advantage."
"Of being non sentient and vast in size, along with the fact that there is a freaking storm out!!"
"Nope. I just attacked from the wrong position."
"I overestimated my skills."
"I'll say. You're bleeding!"
"Only a little. Ask me again."
"If I'm fine."
"Is it because you're bleeding?"
"You're supposed to ask 'Why'."
"God, you're so bloody difficult!"
"But cute. Just ask."
"Because this world we live in, it gives us these dreams, you see. These great big beautiful colourful galaxies in our heads of ideas, thoughts and empathetic conclusions to our fellow humans. Our brain tells us, go on, be curious, make those mistakes.
My ConfessionI never really thought about my lack of sexual interest before society confronted me with it.My Confession1 year ago in Emotional
It took me quite a while to notice guys as anything more than "other people", and when I did, it was more a group pressure thing than real interest.
I even had a boyfriend then, but not because I particularly liked the guy. Having a boyfriend in your teens is a status symbol. Have one, you're cool, have none, you're not.
Of course, back then things weren't that clear to me. I went with the flow.
For a very long time, I wondered what is wrong with me that I don't enjoy sex, that It makes me feel awkward and that I have no desire to go out and date. Society made me believe it is wrong to be like that. I was ashamed of myself, of my flaws and my obvious failure of being a full-fledged human being.
You define yourself through others. You try to figure out who you are, and you look at others for guidance, for something you can identify with. But you only limit yourself with that, and not finding si
I am eight years old.I am eight years old.I am eight years old.5 years ago in Emotional
My lips are perfectly pink. They don't need to look glossy or tinted redder. My cheeks don't need this, either. My eyes stand out well enough on their own without being lined with black paint. The mascara weighs on my lashes and makes me tired and itchy. This shit on my eyelids shouldn't be there, either.
That was a bad word. I am afraid to say bad words, but I've got a few in my head. My friend told me that the word "bitch" means "female dog," but I think she's wrong. I don't think I've ever heard it used in this context. Actually, I think it's a word for people like you. I say this to you with my eyes. You threaten me because you hear me loud and clear.
Every other weekend, I have to sit here and endure as you put this shit on my face. But that's not why you're a bitch. That's why you're an idiot. What makes you a bitch is the fact that you expect me to be silent and still every time your hand slips and the curling iron burns the top of my ear, or you
zero.5. I think I'm afraid of sex.zero.3 years ago in Emotional
It's terrifying that two people can fit together perfectly, without even really liking each other at all.
4. I'm afraid of the day I start replacing myself with somebody else in all of our pictures; of the day I'll see my reflection and wish I didn't have to.
3. I'm afraid of doctors, and medicine.
The first time I took lithium, I couldn't hold it down. So I locked the bathroom door and flushed the entire bottle.
The second time, I couldn't walk more than ten steps without falling.
Honestly, I'm just wondering why they use poison to purify me.
2. I'm afraid of the ocean.
I'm afraid of looking down one day, and not seeing the edges. Of there being nothing there.
I'm afraid of falling and having nothing to catch me.
There's already nobody. The ground is really all I have.
1. I'm afraid of breaking things.
Like, once, I broke my dad's trust in me.
Once I broke somebody's heart.
Once I broke my kindergarten teacher's favorite
HoudiniMy brother killed a cat today. There was a famous Chinese general who once said that you would truly discover a man through his torture. I have come to disagree. When are we more exposed than when we are in sorrow, ridden by guilt?Houdini5 years ago in Emotional
My brother killed a cat today. It was a little cat, a black one named Houdini with long fluffy hair and a sweet face. I'd heard of Houdini before when his owner pinned a note to our door when we were out asking if we would like to take him in. She had mistaken us for our neighbor, who has eleven cats. Her name was Holly and she sounded like she was between jobs.
My brother killed a cat today. It was a little cat, a black one named Houdini with long fluffy hair and a sweet face. He hit it with his car. It's a white 1997 Toyota, an Avalon. Our grandparents gave it to us in mint condition (practically), despite over 100,000 miles on the odometer. He put a NASA sticker on it and a sticker that says, "+5 Car of Driving." Before my brother got it, my dad had it fo
Obsessive Compulsive DisorderWhen I was little, it use to amaze me how colors were made. In art class I would sit and mix paint because blue and red didn't stay the same when they fell in love. Every single color found its match and danced beautifully as I swirled them together. Black and white were my favorites. I'd pour the creamy paint into a bowl and watch as black and white swirls, turned into grey swirls and owned the container holding it captive. Grey was amazing to me. Because black and white are nothing alike, and grey is in the middle. Black is dark and scary and demanding. And white is graceful, and trusting, and clean. Grey is nothing. Grey is bland. And safe. Grey is careful. And I would do anything to be grey.Obsessive Compulsive Disorder5 years ago in Emotional
Friendship is black and turns to ash in my hands. It is dust, so hard to hold. I am keeping still so none escapes, but it feels like at any moment, the wind will kick up and steal it all away. Every move I make is monitored and judged. I am wary about my words and am second guessing everything.
She is...Her hands are not flawless anymore. Her nails not manicured and perfect in polish.She is...4 years ago in Emotional
They are worn, and a little wrinkled with cuticles that seem tired and old. Her nails are cut perfectly, but no polish or manicure grace them.
Her hair no longer falls in curled perfect ringlets of thick wavy strands... They are now mostly tied up carelessly, held in a clasp.
Her lips now wear an all day moisturizing gloss instead of that creamy lipstick that smelled like sun ripened fruit.
Her curves are fuller and her body seems to have grown to adjust for providing comfort and care... and not to tempt.
But her eyes still wear that sparkle... and they are livelier than ever. Her laughter rings out like peals of silver bells and fills up the house, overflowing, till it spills out of the doors and windows and lets the sunshine in.
She may not be the girl I brought home, years ago.... but she is the woman who stayed by my side, through hail and sun, as perfect smiles got replaced by visits to the dentist.
Are you happy now?I tried my best to please them all…Are you happy now?3 years ago in Emotional
They said that I always looked too angry
So I shaved off my eyebrows
They said I always dressed bad
So I took off my clothes
They said I cried too much
So I burned out my eyes
They said I wasn't listening
So I tore off my ears
They said I always said the wrong things
So I ripped out my vocal cords
They said I always faked my smile
So I ripped off my lips
They said my hair was a mess
So I cut it off
They said my feet were too big
So I broke them
They said I walked weird
So I saw off my legs
They said I played too much with my fingers
So I pulled off my hands
They said my arms were too thin
So I tore them off
They said my belly looked funny
So I cut out my stomach
They said I sat funny
So I removed my hips
They said I breathe too loud
So I ripped out my lungs
They said I always hung with my head
So I tore it off
They said my skin tone was ugly
So I removed my skin
They said my muscles were weak
So I ripped them off the bones
They said my bon
You Are BeautifulAm I fat? Am I ugly? Am I stupid? Am I hated? Am I a failure? Am I loser? Questions. Questions we ask ourselves, questions others make us think about. The kind you ask yourself as you stare in your bathroom mirror, wondering if what they say is true; wondering if what you're thinking about yourself right now is the truth. You'll try and push your stomach in, you'll try and hide your spots, hide the wrinkles that you think you see. You will do all this and pretend; pretend to be different, pretend that this person you're imagining is who you should be; is a person better than who you are right now.You Are Beautiful4 years ago in Emotional
Before you know it, you're looking at those around you, wishing you were them. As you walk the halls of your school, as you walk down the nearby street. You'll convince yourself that they have everything and that you have nothing; you want their smile, their body, their hair, their face, because to you, they are better, they are something you could never be, they're beautiful and you're nothi
The Galaxy Sings in B FlatThe galaxy sings in B flat.The Galaxy Sings in B Flat5 years ago in Emotional
Fifty-seven octaves below middle C, hundreds of thousands of tiny stars with little worlds trailing atmospheres in elliptical orbits. Double-star systems, triple-star, more; planets, civilisations, dark matter, tangible matter, all circling, swarming, humming together in one enormous note, not bumping together but carrying a wave from the centre of their island universe, expanding out into space
Sound cannot exist in a vacuum. This is a widely known fact. And space is a vacuum, sure. But only when you look at it from here, from our tiny little world. Close your eyes, zoom out, and look at the celestial spheres from their view; and space isn't so thin after all. Close your eyes, zoom in, and even our dense atmosphere is just atoms in a vacuum of their own. Sound as we know it, sure, that doesn't exist outside our little stardust orb. It's too small, too fragil
Happy BirthdayWhen I breathe into the empty blue morning, my breath fogs up in the too-cold-for-this-time-of-year air and I wish I could pull it back into me. I'm not quite awake and not quite asleep, but I'm conscious of the day and the time and the rain that prickles my face through the open screen window. I wish you a quiet happy birthday under my breath because I might have lost the right to make you happy, but I'll still wish it forever.Happy Birthday5 years ago in Emotional
Your name on my lips hurts and it's a struggle to move the air past my vocal cords in a way that will actually produce sound instead of a whisper. I keep you so close to my heart that every time it beats it touches you and pulls at that small, perfect piece I've so carefully preserved which is really all I have left of you.
Every exhalation is a prayer and a thread of your memory gone. And it's time that tugs at the seams and makes the exact shade of your eyes blur and slide out of focus, but that might be the tears, actually. The salt makes the skin of my chee
Happy BirthdayThis is not a poem.Happy Birthday2 years ago in Emotional
It's not even a story.
This is a simple observation.
Today I was on Facebook, a dangerously common occurrence for me. Borderline addiction, possibly. I looked to the right column where events and birthdays are posted, and noticed it was a friend's birthday. And I hesitated in saying anything.
I hesitated to say happy birthday to a friend. Why?
Was it because we only had one community college class together a couple of years ago, so our friendship is little more than a past acquaintance that hasn't yet ceased to exist on a social media site?
Was it because I didn't have the time to type out those two simple words, perhaps even a dot of punctuation if I'm splurging on free time? The answer to this question is no, because even though I have a quiz tomorrow and two midterms next week, I was clearly distracted on Facebook nonetheless. Besides, I'm typing this now, and it's quite more extensive than a happy birthday.
Was it because I thought it would be awkward if he got
Tragic BeautyI remember lying in my hospital bed at the physical rehabilitation facility, far too many years ago, staring at a picture of a little girl. Someone had brought it in for me, though I didn't remember who or why. In the picture she was wearing shorts, and leaning to feed bread to the ducks gathered around her. I stared at the little girl's legs and cried. She was beautiful.Tragic Beauty4 years ago in Emotional
"I broke you," I whispered to her. "I'm so sorry I broke you. I never meant to. Please, forgive me." And she did, of course. But I'm not sure if that made it better or worse.
There was a poet staying in the room next to me. He was a brain trauma patient, unlike me. For some reason they'd moved me out of the spinal cord injury section of the hospital and into brain trauma. I never actually met the man, and yet some days I can't stop thinking about him. My mother brought me a book of his poems, a little pamphlet made of thick, sturdy paper. She said she thought I would like them. And I did. They were so hopef
Such Sweet SorrowSuch Sweet Sorrow4 years ago in Emotional
Tell me about something that made you sad.
Uh. Okay. Let me think. [Pause] I was sad when I sent you to the airport in San Antonio. That made me sad You leaving again made me sad.
Yeah. That made me sad, too. Parting is always sad, but you know what's worse? It always gets better. The first couple times, you're likeshe's leaving, I'm so sad I'm going to cry. And then, after a long time, you get used to it. That is sad.
Yeah. I understand.
Mm. Let's sleep now.
She fell into a slumber quickly. I soon heard her gentle and rhythmic breathing next to me. But I stayed awake to ponder her words. Did parting really get easier as time went by?
I don't think so. If else, I feel that it gets harder. More painful each time to see her turn her back on me and walk away. It's just that I've gotten stronger, and I've learned to smile when I wave goodbye. And cry l
You've suffered enough...My dearest child, do not weep, for I am here to wipe your tears away. Come, let us be free of these blankets; let us walk from these dim halls.You've suffered enough...2 years ago in Emotional
There lies what once was your body, fevered and eaten by disease. Your lips are cracked and bleeding, your arms are both thin and sallow. Do not fear them now, for they are long passed.
Come away now, for we must say your final goodbyes. Here to the mother and father that came to your bedside each day. Here to the brother, who shall honour your name. Do not be jealous of them, my dearest child. For you are simply moving ahead; you have not fallen behind.
“But why, why does it hurt so much?”
Why? Because the memories are still carried within you. Your attachments are still strong in this world. That which you didn’t achieve, that which you haven’t done. All of it is carried as chains upon your body and they will stop you from
never trust a writerIt's best to stay far away from us writers. We're double-agents, and can't be trusted.never trust a writer5 years ago in Emotional
You see, we just have this terrible privilege of not being able to tell the difference between reality and fiction. We sometimes forget that the emotions in our head might not run with as much passion as they really do, and then we get disappointed in things that make normal people happy. We're afraid to get close to people, and yet all we do is yearn for human contact. That's why we write about it, and that's why we lose touch on what it really feels like to be in a relationship.
Writers often find that we don't fully comprehend the world around us, and, considering ourselves realists, we wonder what is wrong with the world that makes it so different from what's in our heads. That's why we write about it, and that's why when we finally venture out of our homes, we can't help but curl up our shoulders protectively and stick our hands low in our pockets, blinking at the intensely bright lack of color.
shrinkingplease, don't tell me how beautiful it is that i've parted my thighs like the sea.shrinking2 years ago in Emotional
because there is nothing pretty about the tears in last nights dinner, or the way my hands shake around silverware. i am not poetry, but a language lost --in the spaces where flesh used to occupy lies everything i needed to say, kept as the only thing i could ever bear to swallow. if you try to write sonnets about the scars on my knuckles or the arch of my ribs, i will tell you in nine syllables less that this is more than abstinence and foggy reflections. i will tell you how my little sister can carry me in her arms like a child, and how my father can hardly navigate my bedroom floor without touching the brown vomit stains that makes his brow heavy. i will tell you how it feels to hold your own heart in your hands, to feel it break and skip like an old, worn cd. i will tell you how i am nineteen and fishing through musty boxes of clothes from my childhood, only to find that not a single pair of sh
To Every Girl in the WorldTo every girl in the whole wide world,To Every Girl in the World5 years ago in Emotional
1.) Name everything you think is wrong with your body on a piece of paper, even down to the tiniest freckle.
2,) Take said paper, and fold it in half.
3.) Hold it in your hands.
4.) Rip it to shreads.
Do this any time you don't feel pretty, beautiful, sexy.
You are beautiful.
Your smile makes someone's day.
Someone out there thinks you are beautiful.
Someone out there likes you for who you are, not for how big your cup size is.
Someone out there likes that one thing you hate the most about yourself.
Someone out there can't find anything wrong about you.
You are beautiful.
Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.
ReflectionReflection4 years ago in Emotional
Cold and smooth is the surface of glass, but it doesn't have a color,
and it hides the naked truth unlike any other
You look so innocent in the truth, but it really, truly lies,
'cause the person that it sees right now hardly can comply
The glowing glass holds the image of you, but all it sees is perfection
you like to tease it is the truth, though it is only your reflection
Blinded by beauty is the mirror to only notice features
it compares you to the rest, lower than a creature
It can't see your pain inside, or understand your feelings
and you know as you move on, it's yourself you're slowly killing
You let out a cry of pain as you pound your fist into the glass
then you fall onto your knees and hope those feelings swiftly pass
The mirror breaks and is left confused as it lays there shattered
blood drips down your raw hand and your breathing slowly patterns
Now the mirror is just like you, it's broken and a mess
and you can't repair the pieces which are lower than they are les
Trans: I am all this, but...I have a female body.Trans: I am all this, but...5 years ago in Emotional
I am feminine.
I like make-up.
I like jewelery.
I like perfume.
I love wearing dresses and other 'women' clothing.
I am still a boy.
I have a male body.
I am masculine.
I like sports.
I like colone.
I'm fine with getting dirty.
I love wearing baggy shirts and pants, and other 'male' clothing.
I am still a girl.