MY STORYDepression is a sad thing. What causes depression? Well, I've lived through many depressions. I have ADHD and Neuro Developmental Behavioral Disorder and FAS. I'm not going to say too much about it, just that it makes me forget stuff a lot, and it makes me really agitated ad stressed for no reason and makes me freak out in normal situations. I was tormented, teased, bullied, beaten, and hated. My parents were drug addicts who couldn't care for me, so I lived with my aunt for my whole childhood. Kids at school used to say my face looked so ugly, that i could kill 100 monster just by looking at them. Girls used to run away from me. Boys would beat me up. I cut myself. My wrists were covered in horrible scars. Counselor after counselor, I never had anyone. Nobody cared. Nobody listened. Not even the counselors. "Ignore them", they used to say. But its hard to ignore something right in front of your face. Grade 1,2,3,4, I was treated like a mutt. In the summer before grade 5, I made a noosMY STORY2 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
For YouRight now, I am supposed to be doing homework or cleaning my room or possibly even eating; something I have been forgetting about entirely lately, but instead, my love, I am sitting at my computer thinking. About you.For You7 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
This entire week, and possibly more, I have been contemplating on whether I should create for you something. A poem, short story, a synopsis on why I think you're such a huge nerd. Any of these things I would like to believe you would appreciate, given how I enjoy writing and you always ask to read my pieces, I thought it wouldn't have been the worst idea. I mean, I get the practice, which I need, and you would get the sentimental shock. That's a fine idea, eh?
But unfortunately, here I am, writing to you on your one day belated birthday. I had the idea to write about how much I love you, which by the way makes my head spin because I'm sorry, I am hardly a sap, but all the lines I had planned in my head have washed away like a forgotten message written in the sand on a be
HappinessHappiness.Happiness8 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
It's a wonderful thing.
Flushes all worries away.
True happiness to me is no one around me except the ones I care about and no worry in the world whatsoever.
I've had that happen only a few times.
Maybe your version of happiness has happened many other times.
But you should know this:
It will not last forever.
I thought I was going to be happy through my entire life.
I was dead WRONG.
I am now utterly miserable with only flickers of hope left.
I am sorry for you poor souls who think you'll be happy your whole life.
Something About the WindWalking home or perhaps away from home, down one specific stretch of road during fall, at which has recently been “ruined” in a sense so I can no longer enjoy it, is an easy picture though I have yet to take any actual Polaroids. There are a certain set of trees that I always, no matter the time of year though I particularly like them during the season of autumn, pay attention to. In the dark, they loom over me but I never feel intimidated, as one should when it comes to the beautiful mystery that is a Tree.Something About the Wind8 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
I used to, as a kid, play around with these trees in the middle of a dirt road. The wind would blow the astonishingly yellow leaves off of the trees arms and they would float down towards me with more grace than a feather, and I would try to catch them. I liked to jump around and reach my hands out like a child when they fell in my direction, though I always knew I could never catch them. I believe, back then, I had better eyesight, but it was still faltering so I didn'
Spring of 2013In a sense, in my sense, a season itself is my favorite feeling. No, its not the feeling of wrapping a towel just out of the dryer around bare shoulders, or the feeling of holding a glass of too cold water with ice on a hot day and having cold drops of condensation drip down arms with no cares, or even the feeling of seeing a nice person do a nice thing when they think no one is looking and getting to smile.Spring of 20138 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
Its hard to grasp a thought, a single thought, when I try to remember two springs ago. Yes, for me, it was last spring that makes me feel my best. The fall was nice, to be honest, but uneventful at most. The winter was, in all truth, not even winter and I refuse to call it that. My summer actually went extremely great: nice warm days and nights, a new discovered music genre, and my absolute favorite, tons of beautiful evenings with beautiful sunsets that sat perfectly above the trees and smiled down upon me and as the night starts to reach me, the smell of wondrous charred pine woo
Confession/ProfessionHere it is. A confession. A profession. I don’t what to call it. I’m just needing to get this out. It’s all been bottled up for too long and I’m not sure how to deal with these new found emotions. I’ve spent my entire life running from them to keep myself safe. Even when I am around family and friends and I’m hiding. I don’t want anyone to see how frail and scared I am.Confession/Profession8 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
Though, I let him see it. It wasn’t like I ‘let him’, though. It was almost as if I had shoved all those pesky emotions down deep in a box and locked them. I then put the key in a safe place that somehow happened to get it lost. These emotions had been locked away until the right person that had stumbled on said key came along and inadvertently opened this box. I can just see him as he turns the key and everything comes rushing out. Myself. My identity.
I finally feel like I can be myself. He doesn’t judge me or ridicule me like every other person I know.
The loss of a DogThe loss of a Dog9 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
It’s the worst feeling in the world.
Once they’re gone, all that’s left is this big gaping hole in the family and your memories of them and their belongings and collar.
As you sit there, spending your last moments with their body, you can’t help but hope that their tail will start wagging again as you pet them, but it never does. That they’ll wake up and start to lick your face and lick away your tears and try to make you feel better, but they don’t. It’s hard to leave them behind, and it feels so wrong because you know that you’ll never see them again.
And as you drive home, you see other people walking their dogs, and it hits you again, and you wished that you had walked your dog again, one last time.
And when you get home and open the front door, you realize that there’s no one there to greet you with a wagging tail, who’s so happy to see you, and it hits you again.
As you walk around the house, you realize that there
thomas y yo parte 3MARIE:-TOMMY ME VOY A DORMIR A LA RECAMARA DE MIS PAPAS-thomas y yo parte 312 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
THOMAS:-NO MARIE, QUEDATE AQUÍ-
Y ME ACOMODE ALADO DE THOMAS Y ME QUEDE DORMIDA.
AL DIA SIGUIENTE, FUI LA PRIMERA QUE ME DESPERTE Y LE HICE EL DESAYUNO A THOMAS,
CUANDO DE REPENTE ESCUCHE UN RUIDO ME HASOME, ERA THOMAS QUE ESTABA BAJANDO LAS ESCALERAS.
MARIE:-BUENOS DIAS TOMMY-
THOMAS:-BUENOS DIAS MARIE-
MARIE:-SIENTATE, YA TENGO LISTO EL DESAYUNO-
THOMAS SE SENTO, LE DI EL DESAYUNO Y SE DIRIGIO A LA PUERTA.
MARIE:-A DONDE VAS TOMMY-
THOMAS:-A CASA DE XAVIER Y FRED-
MARIE:-NO TARDES TOMMY-
THOMAS SALIO DE CASA Y LLAME A JAZZ, QUE VINIERA POR QUE ESTABA ABURRIDA.
AL LLEGAR JAZZ.
JAZZ:-¿CUANDO LLEGAN TUS PADRES MARIE?-
MARIE:-NO SE JAZZ
DE PRONTO SONO EL TELEFONO
ISABELLA:-¿COMO HAS ESTADO MARIE-
MARIE:-MUY BIEN Y USTEDES-
ISABELLA:-ESTAS CON JAZZ, MARIE-
Nine of swordsDevítka mečůNine of swords12 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
Dusím se pláčem, zalykám, polykám slzy, tisíce slz. Má noční můra, stále trvající, nekonečná... Tisknu víčka skleněných očí k sobě, na slepených řasách vidím třpyt křišťálu. Čirého, čarokrásného a dokonalého. Sny samy o sobě nejsou špatné. Špatné mohou být jen emoce, které při nich pociťujeme, které vyvolávají, tíží na hrudi, v místech, kde by se mělo nacházet srdce.
Prsty přejedou po pokožce, tlačí na ni, zůstávají po nich nedokrvené, bílé čáry, které se postupně zalévají krví nazpět, polámané nehty nechávají za sebou roztřepené okraje rozedrané kůže. S
I tell my heartMy heart hurts.I tell my heart13 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
It aches, it cramps, it reaches out for you; but you're not there.
My heart cries for love. It doesn't remember what it feels like, being lonely, so I comfort it. It whimpers and moans, and I whisper lies that are supposed to help. It beats in my chest, hard but sluggish, demanding but off beat, and it asks me, begs me, pleads with me to fix it all better. But I can't. So I tell it that it will forget about love and how it feels and it will relearn how to live without it. I say it will learn how to live off of love from my friends, my family, but my heart knows better than I and it doesn't believe that I can live off of love from my friends and family, that it can function off of just that unrequited love.
My heart thinks it knows better than me. It says that I need to be loved, touched, kissed. It tries to convince me that love is a necessary thing in life. I tell my heart I'm still young. It should be able to keep beating happily on its own. It should be giving me ene
Reason people worry.May 20, 2015 Reason people worry.Reason people worry.13 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
Now, here is a funny awareness I struggle and Holy Spirit is reminding me that God is in control. The first clue the LORD has given to his people was that the earth belongs to God always and forever! Genesis 1. We worry because our minds forget the detail of what he spoke from the beginning.
Jesus knows my thoughts so he reminds me with this deeper revelation why I worry about little things. I must remember he is in control of everything seen and unseen.
I pass on to you so you too be strengthened. Meditate on Genesis 1:1-2. Its funny at times for me I hear it as I read the Bible, seen God in his splendor and angels...yet I forget who is really in control of my life and who is the one guiding me and blessing me. I should slap my self for this foolishness of my mind. Lol
Also, who took care of Jesus in the desert or Moses? Then why can't I purge this negative thought off me its a stumbling block in my walk with Christ and trusting God deeper. (E
How I chose my disciples.May 20, 2015 How I chose my disciples.How I chose my disciples.14 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
When I read your word Jesus it becomes like a lamp all through my day. My mind in natural state is darkness and busy like: traffic, trains, airplanes, and wild beasts of the earth. But when I start reading your word in he spirit and not just look at plane text, so my mind receives visions of what I read and glory of God and his victory eliminates chaos and balances my responsibilities. Then I feel like a feather most of the time floating in mid air and fire of God envelopes me in Jesus' splendor and power from his word. His word takes root and deepens my walk and faith. Without the word of God it is like no bread or water to sustain me. What good is to only sustain the body to live but not the mind, the soul, and heart of man?
I read John 20:19-23 Jesus appears to his disciples.
You have taken the lowest of men and took them under your wings; like me.
Then Jesus said, "It was my Father who has chosen those he has given me. And I go and pla
The pleasures I give are not like of the world.May 20, 2015 The pleasures I give are not like of the world.The pleasures I give are not like of the world.14 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
Good morning King Jesus. Thank you for calling me to go home for it was late in the evening. The word of God is like a fire that can burn anything he sees and can cut the very soul of man from existence. Its sad how your name Father and name of Jesus has become like an ornament on a tree. And what they see physically is what they worship but forget what you taught them about seeking and walking with you in the Spirit, truth.
Thank you for opening my eyes Jesus. Now I pray: May you open the eyes of those asleep in Christ Jesus. May you continue to reveal you truth, glory to your people and drawing them closer to you through circumstances. I pray the ways of the world may become sour, give out unpleasant taste in your people's mouths. May their eyes be in horror like death at their door what they look at when they see pleasures of life. May their noses smell death of corpses and evil spirits that they lust after. May th
all in a bottle.I drink. Trying to drink away the pain. The self-pity, The despair, the idiocy of the things I've done and the pain of knowing my only future is to be alone. Alone with a broken heart knowing I won't be able to protect the only ones I care for. Knowing I won't be able to protect myself. All I can do is drink.all in a bottle.20 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
Forgotten FriendshipForgotten Friendship22 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
Those times in elementary days... We had plans to go out and spend fun time with friends. It was fun... I was the laughing patient who walks like I know the whole place.
I could remember that we had no classes because of an upcoming JS prom. That time, I couldn't tell my Mom that I'm going to 'hang-out' with friends. I just told her I'm visiting her. Even with confusion, I am able to go.
That first hang-out is a surprise, we didn't tell my other classmates that they're included. I first came early... Pretty early in the morning. That time, it rained a bit. I felt awkward for a bit but I am able to adjust. Even with mishaps, it was fun.
We did it twice by summer. We would hangout in the Octagon, eating pizza. When the wind blew, it had the whole group laughing. That time when one of us took a picture, I couldn't stop laughing... It was kind of horrible...
We had our moments, those jokes that would hurt my belly a lot. The time we saw a dog, running away from it and
Please Come AgainNever ask me a question you don't want answered.Please Come Again1 day ago in Emotional More Like This
How are you?
How have you been doing?
How are you feeling?
Utterly annihilated. Disintegrated from the inside out. I am relentlessly experiencing the most pain I have ever had. I am afraid. I am angry. I am in complete agony.
There is an inhuman chorus of screaming that is constant in my head.
I am nauseous from anxiety, from pain, from lack of food and sleep, from unwanted thoughts.
I have not eaten in days.
I have slept mere hours in those same days.
I am dehydrated from constant tears.
I am an atom bomb. I can feel every atom, every particle, burning, vibrating, imploding. The ceaseless hum, quaking through my body, of the most vile, revolting sensation. Every cell and neuron is trying to shake apart and disperse.
Disgusting, pillaged, eradicated.
Thank you have a nice day!
UntitledI loved you.Untitled1 day ago in Emotional More Like This
Of course you would make even that my fault.
But I know I can’t shoulder all the blame.
You pulled me in with soft words and touches and glances,
Gentle hand in hair, brush of lips, whispers in the dark.
You tied strings to my heart until they were a tangled mess, all of them leading unerringly to you, and then cut them without warning, claiming they were never even there.
Your smiles turned to sneers, and I wonder how I never noticed sooner.
This is who you are.
The Game Master.
And I but a pawn pulled along in your wake, dancing to your whim.
It’s your fault for making me love you.
But it’s mine for being blind.
King againI lay in darkness. For how long? To this day I do not recall. All I know is that the tears had stopped coming, the blood had stopped flowing. I was cold, lifeless. No movement. No life. Just breath. Breathe in, breathe out. Everything after that was a blur. Cold overwhelmed me. Feelings came and went with the breeze. I lay. No movement. No life. Just breath. Breathe in, breathe out. It was all I knew, all I could recall. The world was still and sounds ceased to effect me. The only thing I could compare it to would be floating. Floating in an endless ocean of pitch black water, the current too strong to fight. After a while I gave up, anyone would have. And so I float. No movement. No life. Just breath. Breathe in, breathe out. Time moves on. New things come along. These things, being new, are exciting and can occasionallKing again1 day ago in Emotional More Like This
Ode to The GirlsOde to The Girls1 day ago in Emotional More Like This
Women are fascinating
Here is an ode to the women. There are so many some many amazing things about the female gender. As well as being oriented toward them, I find women fascinating. Call me sexist but there are clear differences between men and women that show regardless of personality. As a man, I understand brotherhood, friendship, and pride but girls take it to a unique level. They have a powerful sense of pride, underestimated strength, universal beauty, and a strong relationship with other women.
“Pride!” yells the marching band but there is nothing louder than a woman’s pride. They have this innate self-concept as a something amazing. Most females firmly believe that they are more intellectual then men when it comes to beauty, hair, fashion, make up, bras, and organization. BUT, before a comment is said, they have absolutely every right to believe that because it is absolutely true. There is this steadfast, innat
Reveal of BrokenReveal of Broken1 day ago in Emotional More Like This
I am myself.
If I want to be myself again, then why I'm not feeling good and happy inside? "Don't waste your time in a job, that doesn't express your heart," that said from Dr.Rick Warren, the author of the book: "What on Earth am I here for".
I'm sorry for the titles and never been around. I have been hurt, and hard to describe or imagine if anyone were in my shoes. Meaning, if they know what I'd been going through. 2 years? There were the experiences...
-Verbal abuse / criticizing without helping
-Being left behind
-Actions of their own ways forced me to placed everything on top, instead of the people I love.
-Got falsely accused many times for things I made mistakes and I never do.
-Been threatened due to a voice tone and the way they said.
-Been disrespected by a worker, by the screaming, shouting, and yelling without any good reason.
They already led me to unknown symptoms that I still don't know yet. I tried to