EgoistVine un timp când trebuie să fii egoist. Trebuie să te gândești și la tine. Sau mai bine zis, doar la tine. În orice caz, la tine prima dată și abia apoi la ceilalți. Pentru că uneori bunătatea și generozitatea reprezintă slăbiciuni. Și de cele mai multe ori cineva va profita de slăbiciunea ta.Egoist2 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
Și îți dai seama că e mai bine să fii rece, indiferent, distant. Uneori e mai bine să fii precaut, să păstrezi o urmă de îndoială în orice îți spun ceilalți. Pentru că o altă slăbiciune e încrederea oarbă.
Deci poartă-te în așa fel încât să te simți tu bine, fii egoist fără a-ți păsa că cineva ar putea fi rănit de indiferența ta. Pentru că cea mai mare armă nu e ura, nu e răzbunarea, e indiferența. Indiferen
DamnedA heart aching from loneliness. A mind scattered by corruption. A soul shattered by despair. The longing to materialize things perceived as fiction. The happiness that in life has been smitten from the souls of the unlucky. Life has no meaning for those that are damned. Stuck in a place that sits in between what is and isn't reality. A level obsession never seen before. Those wanting what isn't real in our universe is not unheard of. The wanting of such things is what causes us to grow as a species in the physical and emotional planes. We have advanced much from these things. However, the cursed are... effected so much that only pain and profound sadness is the only thing they feel.They-we are so damaged that our everything is unstable. The river that wants to break away from my eyes. The drum that wants to retire from within my chest. The force that is within us all taking away slowly putting out the fire within that is the life of mine. Everything unbearable. The only solitude for thDamned4 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
Integration- An Alter's PerspectiveYour personality splits, and becomes two separate people. And over the course of 20 some years, you split many times. Because of trauma, bad things happening to you, but you see these people as your family. As the only ones that know exactly what is going on in your head. At all times. (Most of the time, in our case. She hides some things from us..) You learn to love these parts of you, because they'e so diverse and different from the original, you. They were created for a reason, and whatever reason that may be.. They're here. They serve to protect you, harm you, or just co-exist with you. But the matter of fact is.. Your body is shared by many different people, and when you live with that your whole life.. You're afraid to lose these people. You've created bonds with these people in your head, in your body. You've created memories, sometimes. You've lived your whole life with these people, and it's kind of like losing a loved one when you integrate. It's scary to think about. Yes, weIntegration- An Alter's Perspective9 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
Dear Tormentors,Dear Tormentors,Dear Tormentors,13 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
Why do you tease me? What did I do to deserve this? I had only just dragged myself out of hell and yet your steadily trying to drag me back in. Do you get satisfaction out of the thought of me crying in my sleep at night after every word and verbal fight? Don't give me that look I know what your thinking. But I'm too afraid of the pain to take cold blade to burning flesh. I beat myself down because you treat me no better than the voices running rampant in my head. Calling me things I don't dare to say yet you whisper to me everyday. I've asked you to stop nicely and then harshly hoping to send you away. But that didn't work did it? you still do it everyday. Does it really amuse you my silent pleas as I cry out to a god I don't believe? Do you think of your words or of your cruel laughter as you take me down notch by notch? I've been a puppet before and now you treat me as if a puppet is better than me. Do you even understand what a child of neglect struggles with after
Best Friend Love“You know, I realized something the other day.”Best Friend Love14 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
“And what would that be?”
“I’m in love. I have been for a very long time.”
“What? But how is that possible? I would have known!”
“You would think that one of us would notice, but now that I think about it, it makes sense that we didn’t.”
“And why is that?”
“Because it wasn’t obvious. It was so simple it slipped past everybody.”
“Then how did you finally figure it out?”
“Think about it. What does everyone want in a partner?”
“Well, I want someone who can make me laugh, who makes me feel comfortable and who picks me up when I fall down. Someone who has seen me at my worst and stayed, someone who has an actual investment in me and someone who would care if I disappeared from their life.”
“Yes! Yes, that exactly. That’s what we all want from a partner.”
“Okay, I’m following so
After dark solitudeI am blueAfter dark solitude14 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
and he is red,
my body cold
from tears I shed.
I see him standing
in the void,
and softly he stares,
my fear destroyed.
As he advances,
the color I made
decides to depart,
by a fracture then a fade.
With very vibration,
my veins are undone.
In his bare embrace
I'm a white-hot sun.
An Infinite Dream An infinite dreamAn Infinite Dream18 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
I was in euphoria; I was flying higher and higher with such force that I thought my hands will just burn away from the speed and tension I was gaining over and over again non- stop. I could sense bewildered faces that were gazing at me intently and, in some way horrified from what I have been doing with that petite gentle but at the same time with that powerful and oh so divine instrument. My hands and my fingers were moving so quickly and so smoothly as if they were specially created for those strings and for the shape of that incredible instrument. I was not recognizing where I was and what I was actually doing, it was like one part of me was conscious and one part of me was still struggling to reveal and understand the situation I was in. My mind couldn’t process and analyze the feelings I was experiencing , I could capture
AthazagoraphobiaThe fear of being left behind, forgotten, or ignoredAthazagoraphobia19 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
It was almost funny, just how slowly it happened, and how ignorant I was to it.
How I slowly lost everything important to me.
Just like any other teenager, my friends are important. They mean everything to me. But I didn’t see what was happening before it all came crashing down. I don’t have a bad life at all, maybe not perfect, but not terrible. But I’m also not the best person. I am selfish, and pushy, and don’t realize the impact of my words and actions. And that could have been my downfall, why they all left.
I noticed people leaving when I was younger. I blamed it on me moving, and on my young age. My very best friend, and the person I’m convinced was my first love, lost connection with me when I moved. I knew it was because I hurt her, but I hated myself for it. I almost committed suicide over it, the fact I hurt my best friend, and lost her for it.
And now, as I sit here, I realize I have managed
Ti nisi tuI.Ti nisi tu19 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
Zvona otkucavaju prve sate zore.
Ti nisi tu.
Blaga kiša pada po mojim vrelim obrazima nalik na sitne mačeve što se zarivaju u mlado meso.
Ti nisi tu.
Noć gubi toplinu poput krvi što kaplje iz mog srca.
Ti nisi tu.
Hoćeš li ikada biti?
Sama hodam sklopljenih očiju ne osjećajući strah pred tminom. Zlokobna škripa metala dopire do mene kroz samotni mrak u hladnoći koja mi umrtvljuje stopala, no moje misli hrle samo k tebi; u tvoj glas, u tvoj zagrljaj. Iza kapaka mi plova slika tvoga lica. Odjednom me sve podsjeća na tebe; nazivlje uklesano u pejzaž grada nosi tvoje ime. Ono me prati svojim mrkim prizvukom, jednim slučajnim pogledom me obara i obrušava se na moje srce težinom kamena. Osjet tvojih usana na mojima je tako stvaran; one su nježne jedan čas, a buktinja strasti drugi. Želim osjetiti tvoje ruke kako jedva dodirujući klize mojim strukom zaustavljajući se u stisku n
MaskKeep it in keep it inMask1 day ago in Emotional More Like This
Keep a straight face
Don't let them know the rage inside
Keep it in Keep it in
Don't tell them the truth
Keep on lying
Don't let them see the sadness you hold
But little cracks appeared
little by little it was breaking
that mask I've been wearing for so long
Is almost broken
Then it's gone
I lost my cool
I let them see the rage inside
And ran away as soon as I could
I hated this mask
but I felt like I needed it
I don't want them to know
Why should they know?
"Why?" Is what I always feel like asking myself
"Why do I keep on lying?"
"Why hide what you feel?"
"Why won't you let them in?"
But I don't know
It's become an instinct
I mend my mask
and put it on again
Ah, today's another day
Where I'll keep on my mask
I won't let them see
What I really feel
...I hate it
I hate it so much
I want them to know
How frustrating it is, you know?
I can't handle it
The cracks appear again
Threatening to break it again
But I don't want it to
It was my shield
How else c
Forever in Our HeartsHow many years have passed? I don't know. I was young and for sometime I counted them. However the pain became to much to bear and I stopped. But the memories are still here, deep in my heart. The times you got angry at us for using the plates as wheels and the glasses to "shift gears". The time when you chased them with a broom to make them get out of the pool. The times that even though you were tired, you kept playing with us. The time you cheered me and made me laugh when I broke my finger and couldn't play. The times you hid the gums, so that we couldn't find them. Every single thing you did for us. Those were times I loved the most, because no matter how many pranks we did, you would always forgive us and love us, until the end. Those were times that I wanted to never end. But fate had other plans.Forever in Our Hearts1 day ago in Emotional More Like This
Are you watching us from up there? I know, that even though it hurts so badly, even though it makes my heart break into pieces, you are in a better place. You can speak and move again
ConvictionI want to talk about the idea of “conviction” in some fundamentalist Christian circles. Particularly I want to talk about how it is used by some Christians both as a gas-lighting technique and as a method of manipulation. However, I have not really had time or the ability to put my thoughts together in a coherent fashion. So instead, I think I will just tell a couple of stories. These stories occurred while I lived as a woman, so I am using those pronouns and terms since they are relevant to the stories.Conviction1 day ago in Emotional More Like This
Note: for those unaware of this particular Christianese phrase, I am referring to the following definition: a feeling of guilt or shame that God inflicts on a person that comes with the recognition of having committed a sin.
When I was outed as gay to my family, I was living overseas and working on my Masters degree in Astrophysics. Needless to say, I was already under a lot of stress, even before dealing with my family keeping me up ti
Not Hungry Anymore..That pitchNot Hungry Anymore..2 days ago in Emotional More Like This
under my stomach
Is how it feels
When you left my heart empty
Memories.......Memories are with us all our livesMemories.......2 days ago in Emotional More Like This
some are great and make us smile
while others are sad and haunting
but even these can be turned around
remembering that sadness is with us
not just to bring us down, but make us strong
we should take all the memories we have
and treasure them for the rest of our days
they are given to us for a reason
for with them, our loved ones live on......
© Lissie Bull. 2014
For Those in Need, View my Heart.That is unfortunate. I did know of her passing, but not to the extent described. I am sorry for that, and I do relate. My Grandmother died on May 23rd, 2007. The day will be forever engrained into my mind as one that I look upon with the deepest of sadness, and one that I take up as a day set aside for her honor in review.For Those in Need, View my Heart.2 days ago in Emotional More Like This
My actual mother divorced my father when I was 2 years of age, and my Grandmother, his mother, was the figure I had for my mother up until the day she died. After that I didn't have a mother figure. I knew not what It was like to have the feminine love every kid at school talked about. I was bullied, and I didn't have a person on earth to tell about my horrible day due to my father being at work, hauling plastic and eventually getting hurt on the job. I thought since he was out of work, and my biological mom had stopped paying child support, that we were doomed.
But I persevered. I prayed, I looked to the f
Anxiety of AssociationHe said that the pain tasted like the color orange and I didn't understand.Anxiety of Association2 days ago in Emotional More Like This
I said that he associated the color orange with the fruit, and that oranges are a citrus fruit, and there's citric acid in them, and citric acid stings. He laughed and said thank you.
I said that the pain was like swallowing something that was too big to fit down my throat. A blunt pain. Meat that I can't force down.
He said that he loved me. I had no reply.
A thin blade through flesh. He said that he'd hurt me if I did that again. I said that there was no guarantee and then his hand reached into my abdomen and pulled my guts out. I couldn't move and we were reading 12 Angry Men and he said he liked the shirt I was wearing. "It's my favorite," I replied. That shirt makes me feel disgusting now.
He asked me what I was wearing and I lied.
I thought that love would always find a way, but there was nothing outside those black-topped bio tables and cinder block walls. Just empty eyes and my fear of reality.
Most Important PersonWhat would you do if you found your most important person lying shamefully naked in the bedroom, and this person wouldn't response to your calls?Most Important Person2 days ago in Emotional More Like This
Late May this year, me and my brother walked up to keep our granny company, as well as I would clean a bit. I remember it was a cloudy day, still sunny, and my mother and dad were out on a shopping trip. What set me off was that my granny didn't respond when I called her as we walked through the front door. There was no music from the radio, no noise from the TV and not the sof humming sound my granny would make as she walked around in the appartment.
We took of our shoes and I walked first into the appartment. You know how they say it's dead quiet when something bad is about to happen? It's true, I experienced that as I made it around the corner and stood infront of my granny's bedroom doorway. There she was, naked, on the floor.
She didn't react as I screamed her name. Her eyes were rolling. I told my brother to try and get her to re