Unforgiveable SinI miss everything we used to have in the past..Unforgiveable Sin4 days ago in Emotional More Like This
Especially our friendship...
And what hurts the absolute most,
Is that the only person I have to blame is myself...
I CouldI could walk away from you.I Could1 week ago in Emotional More Like This
Really, I could. I wouldn’t like it, I wouldn’t be able to do it easily, and I would probably regret it every day for the rest of my life, but I could leave you behind. Why? Why would I do that? Why would I even think of doing that to the one person that I love more than anyone else in this world? Because I know that I can.
You may be the light of my life, but I know that my work – the little things that keep me going on the many nights that I am without out – they thrive in darkness. My isolation gives me the means and the time to work on what I will, and while I might stay hidden away at a desk or under blankets, you thrive in the beauty of life with all the others that so clearly love you. I would give away all my talents just for the certainty that I would always have you, but there is no way to know, is there? There is always the possibility that I will lose you to one thing or another, and it frightens me so terribl
Three Years Back."Advice that I create, and need. And never take."Three Years Back.4 days ago in Emotional More Like This
"We all make mistakes. They're behind us now. Maybe you can't forget them, but don't let them control your life. Don't always look for the bright side. It doesn't solve everything. Some things, just everything. Look for a why. Understand it. It may not be easy, but once you figure it all out, it does become easier. Then you can put it all behind. Don't let finding the why control you though. If you can't find a why, relax. An answer should come someday. Maybe not soon, maybe not forever, but it will come. It may feel like forever, but be patient. That's the challenge. Not letting it control your life. Times may be bad, but theyll get better. Some of this you've heard before. At least I speak - well, write - the truth of it. I just wish things were easier. Sometimes it seems my existence is a mistake. I mess everything up. "Everybody makes mistakes", "Nobody's perfect". Well, apparently, I'm beyond those sayings. I w
The Diary of a ProcrastinatorDear DiaryThe Diary of a Procrastinator2 days ago in Emotional More Like This
I'm sick of this! It's killing me! I need to stop this!
That's what I tell myself anyway. Hi, I'm a procrastinator... I'm finally writing this after weeks of putting it off. I look back and think; 'So much time wasted when I could've just wrote this in an afternoon'. Then I go ahead and write this experience off and say to myself; 'I won't do this next time'. Which is obviously a lie I tell myself because next time, when I have something important to do, I'll just put it off until the last minute. It's a crazy trap that I've gone and caught myself in and I don't know how to get out of it. Any plan or promise I make to myself will be put off for weeks and by then I'll forget the plans that I've made and the cycle will begin again. I have to say that this really does suck. What can I do to stop this? Is there some magic pill that I can take to make this problem go away? No? Yeah, there never is, is there? I wish this could just go away easily but that's part of the problem, is
There Are TimesThere Are Times When Days Are DarkThere Are Times2 days ago in Emotional More Like This
There Are Times When You Want To Give Up
There Are Times When You Forgot Who You Are
There Are Times When You Remember The Past
There Are Times When You Fight
There Are Times When You Lose Friends
There Are Times When You Just Don't Have The Guts To Confess Your Love
There Are Times When You Want To Give Up
There Are Times When You Cry At Night
There Are Times When You Want To Be Someone Else
There Are Times When You Remember How Special You Are
There Are Times When You Amaze Others With Your Talent
There Are Times When You Forgive And Others Forgive Too
There Are Times When You Confess Your Feelings To Others
There Are Times When People Reject Your Feelings
There Are Times When You Move On
There Are Times When You Smile And The Whole World Smiles With You
There Are Times When You Remember That You Are You
There Are Times When Things Get Rough
There Are Times When You Tough It Up
There Are Times When You Forget...
Just How Amazing You Are.
drenched runwaysdrenched runwaysdrenched runways3 days ago in Emotional More Like This
I'm looking out over the wet tarmac of the private airport; the runways are empty of planes. The windsock, soaked with rain, hangs limply straight down, even though some wind yet blows. It will tell no one how to correct their steering during take-offs and landings. Visibility is near zero. I cancel my flight plans for today and for who knows how many other days. The sky may never be quite so clear again as it once was. Someday, probably, I will fly again, but not yet, not yet.
Dark clouds will always remind me.
Of sunny days.
Lancelot Price 2015 March 23
Alright, Listen Up. I'm a nobody.Alright, Listen Up.3 days ago in Emotional More Like This
Let's get that off the table. I want you, yes you, the one reading this, to grab the nearest mirror or reflective surface.
I want you to look into your reflection, and stop. Stop thinking about the ugly things. Ignore the acne, or the imperfect skin. Ignore the redness or paleness of your skin. Ignore your facial features you think are 'ugly'. Look past all of those and tell me what you see.
I don't want to hear any shit about 'I see nothing'
Don't give me that. Tell me what you really see. When I do this, I see unique gray-blue eyes, a soft, round, skinny face. I see medium size lips. Perfect sized, in my opinion. I see long eyelashes, and fabulous facial expressions. I see eyes that tell a story most can't read.
Tell me what you see.
Look past those petty 'imperfections' and just look. You see that? You see those beautiful eyes? That beautiful face? That unique and bea
It's okay to not be okay.It's a stormy night, just like it's been the past week. It's two in the morning. I can't sleep.It's okay to not be okay.6 days ago in Emotional More Like This
The thoughts float around in my head, consuming my mind, and telling me it's not worth it. They tell me I shouldn't stay.
They tell me I should die, and taunt me about how I'll never be normal. It hurts to hear what the voices say, so I try to ignore them, but...
It's not easy. The more I ignore them, the louder they scream. And now I can't take it.
So I scream back, louder than I ever have before.
"Go away!" I tell them, "You can't control my life! You're just in my head! I can get rid of you!"
I toss the notebook and pen to the side. "Not today." I say, "I'm not going to let you make me do it this time!"
There's a folder full of papers on the desk. Old goodbye letters that I never could fulfill. I pull them out of the folder, ripping them up in a fit of frustration.
Once the papers are torn, I throw them in the fireplace, and glance over to the most recent one. "No more..." I whisper, "I c
A More Beautiful PerspectiveManage your expectations. I gazed at her in tears as bits of my rose-colored glasses shattered and were gone. I whimpered out one excuse after another before my breath broke, and the words I tried to form came out in trembling gasps. She didn't mean to hurt my feelings; she really does want a relationship with me; she's my mother, my blood, the soul from which mine fragmented and became flesh. The thoughts turned bitter under my tongue and I lowered my eyes, unable piece the love Heidi had to offer into the puzzle my bio-mom had begun and failed to finish.A More Beautiful Perspective6 days ago in Emotional More Like This
Manage your expectations. I gazed at this woman, the one whom I had given permission to adopt me, and wanted with everything I had to be satisfied. She had been pulling the threads of bitterness and confusion from my half stitched childhood. Taking me on was like ripping the seams from a half-finished, half-hearted quilt and piecing the whole mess back by hand. She was willing; I was uncertain.
Manage your expectations. She tol
Corroded BreedMost people die when they cease to live.Corroded Breed3 days ago in Emotional More Like This
But what about those who never lived?
If I went out and started living, I'd end up in a straightjacket or a prison cell.
Being dead is just self-defense. So is that bottle under my bed.
And so is my writing. You call it talent. I call it a surrogate.
Don't you wish you could just tear your heart out and eat it,
fiber by contractile fiber,
savoring the taste of the maddening emotions,
maybe even finally understanding them?
Maybe deciphering the secret of what makes you unique...
Everyone claims to be unique, but the ones who really are know -
it's not all that glamorous as it's cracked up to be.
Constant pain is no fun.
Nor is constantly questioning and second-guessing people who'd give everything for you.
Because they might be lying. After all, you've been lied to a lot.
But I guess that's expected when your very core contradicts everyone's tacit assumption of humanity.
Fuck humanity. Fuck their high-and-mighty attitude towards us. Their entire
GlassShe keeps trying to, trying not to scream. Her arms lashed over her head ache not from gravity in her blood, but restraint from the ropes. Cabin fever in her biceps, immobilization tearing them to pieces of a handicapped mess. Teeth clenched on fabric that won’t let her wet her tongue, won’t let her scream though her throat works fine. Her legs are free and there is no where to go except the place she needs to go, miles away, locked away by inability, irresolution, restraint. Funny how restraint then ties her now.Glass4 days ago in Emotional More Like This
Funny how she hated it. The glass he kept on his face, drawing more attention than the old glass and the beautiful eyes they aided. Hated that they looked attractive and stylish, hated them for trying to make him something other than what he was.
And how they hated her back, the time he yelled. The smiling cruelty they bestowed upon his face, the unshakeable memory of glee in telling her to get over him. The fear of the glass that ebbed slowly as they became part
O DeathDeath comes to all of us. It’s just a matter of when and how.O Death1 week ago in Emotional More Like This
But is death ever fair?
I’ve seen death claim a young healthy teenage boy within weeks.
I’ve seen death claim a handsome, young man with a long career in front of him.
I’ve seen death claim a father who had no smoking or drinking habits.
I’ve seen death claim a mother who was working hard to support her family.
I’ve seen so many tears shed, so many families broken.
The people who shunned and bullied, were still alive.
The people who lazed around and complained needlessly, were still alive.
The people who smoked and drank like there was no tomorrow, were still alive.
The people who didn’t bother taking care of their children, were still alive.
Death, when it is finally my turn, I would like you to answer this question.
The Stories I Never Told When I was in the fifth grade I was called a freak, and a weirdo. I was told I would amount to nothing and that I was a walking disaster. I was only ten, and that hit hard. That was the year I decided to try something new, something my dad used to do. Bowl. He signed my brother and I up for a Saturday morning junior league and I thought it was the greatest thing. I was bad, but I was only ten. With every new achievement came a small patch and to me, it was amazing, so I brought my patches into school and everyone called me a loser. They all said I would quit before middle school. Jokes on them I guess, six years later and I went to the state championship as a sophomore, I’m number nineteen out of all the youth, female bowlers in Pennsylvania. Two years from now, I hope to be signing my letter of intent because of a bowling scholarship (they exist), so I can look at all the people who once put me down and laugh.The Stories I Never Told5 days ago in Emotional More Like This
SunlightIt's raining today. It has been raining for quite a few weeks. But I suppose, since there are only tens days left, it will get better. Perhaps the sun will break through soon enough. And while talking of the things we need, damn, i really need you here, you said that one thing that made me cry. Tears like a waterfall, baby. And you don't even realize how wonderful you are or what you make me feel. It's not love, dear. Not that romantic love. I love you like...like what? It's not like I felt that before. Like my soulmate, like my sister, like my best friend.Sunlight1 week ago in Emotional More Like This
When I told you I needed you here, when I told you I thought, that you might need this town, too (or me as well), what you said was far from everything I expected and I don't even know why.
When you told me that, „I need to come home.“
And I asked if home meant here, because it seemed arrogant to me, to assume that my hometown, our house, could, in only two or three years, become a real home to you.
But then again, it do
Got It AllYou've got it all.Got It All3 days ago in Emotional More Like This
Like a teenage socialite, you were born to fit in.
No matter how long we've known each other, I'll always be in your shadow.
You've got it all.
The writer, the baker, the artist.
Whatever I strive to be, you already are.
So I remain with no recognition.
You've got it all.
You're the daughter of a doctor; tall, thin, and beautiful.
A world traveler, even. You take the high life for granted.
I'll keep riding on your coattails.
You've got it all.
Everyone knows you as who you pretend to be.
Yet I know who you really are.
Good student, role model, kiss my ass.
You're just a liar with a pretty face.
They've got it all.
No matter what happens, they're the type that others would love to be.
Aside from me. I'm happy being a freak.
But it doesn't mean I can't get jealous.
Untitled Some heavy stuff just went down at my school.Untitled6 days ago in Emotional More Like This
This recent Monday night, a student killed himself. His funeral is tonight: the night before Prom.
Now, I did know this guy at all. Never even heard his name before, and I won't mention it here. Respect, and all that. That being said, I'm too curious for my own good at the best of times. As a psychologist, philosopher, and all around just a bad person in general, I'm captivated by this event, and I can't help but dream up reasons why he did it.
The thing is, it's prom week.
You see? The most likely thing is that this person had some deep stress or trauma troubling him, enough to make him feel that death was the only solution, and some prom trouble, like not having a date or being brutally rejected, was the last straw.
This is only speculation. I don't suppose that I know anything at all about this person. I'm not claiming that I do. This is merel
Sleepwalking From the blank darkness of sleep, I woke up as soon as the light in the room came on. Covering myself with the covers to blur the light, the same words as every other morning are heard.Sleepwalking2 days ago in Emotional More Like This
"Time to get up" the voice says, and the heavy footsteps slowly walk down the hallway and into the living room. I groan and throw the blanket off of my body, letting the cold air in the room encase me and shake me from my sleep, even for a little while. I grab the blanket as I push myself off the bed, my feet aching as I slowly make my way out of the room and quickly shut the light off with my departure. And as every other morning, I lay onto the couch in the annoyingly lit room. The news plays as it always does, numbing the mind to the world as its done for my generation for years. The faint voice from the television as the blanket surrounds me cuts into my blank thoughts:
"Boy missing; family member suspected"
Do you think you're a loser?Hey, Do You Think You're a LoserDo you think you're a loser?3 days ago in Emotional More Like This
Throughout my life, I'm a loser
Every battle I fought was a failure.
So, should I stop going after battles?
Should I keep my eyes shut so that I can't dream anymore?
Imagine a world where everyone wins...
Oh God! I swear that I'd hate to be in that kind of world
Because there will be no one to chase their own dreams
I'd rather live with my own dreams...
Although sometimes they hurt me,
But those stupid, silly dreams are the only thing....
that makes me feel like I'm still breathing
True Love Is Never OverratedI’m a girl who hasn’t been on many dates or had many relationships. But even without the quantity of experience, I can tell you about the quality of them and what makes for a good relationship.True Love Is Never Overrated5 days ago in Emotional More Like This
Because the thing is, I don’t care if we go out every night or even every week. There’s nothing wrong with staying in and watching a Disney movie in our pyjamas. I don’t want elaborate plans of a fancy dinner at some candle-lit restaurant when I’d rather have you show up at my front door with a box from Pizza Hut in one hand and a cup of tea in the other hand.
I don’t need you to text me every day to ask how work was, but I would love to wake up to a simple “good morning” text every day.
I think that cafés are cooler than bars and live bands are better than a DJ mixed track any day.
I don’t mind having a drink every now and then but sometimes I’d rather have a chocolate milkshake or a Sprite.
I like being surprised and someti
If Only ...If only …If Only ...2 days ago in Emotional More Like This
If only this world was more accepting of those around us everyday yet somehow remain invisible
If only the shy, quiet and thoughtful people held as much importance as the aggressive, loud and impulsive
If only all the have-nots had something – just a little piece of the pie
If only every person was as valued as the next
If only we could see each other as God sees each one of us
If only ...
GreyMy world used to be black and white.Grey3 days ago in Emotional More Like This
That was all, two opposite hues divided by a line.
“Always be kind,” they said.
“Never tell a lie,” they said.
Everything was so clear. There was no grey area, because grey was bad.
Then one day, I met you.
Suddenly, my world was filled with grey.
It’s a miracle really; grey becoming something beautiful.
Thoughts of grey are usually indecisive, melancholy, lusterless.
Grey skies, grey skin, grey memories.
But you make me want to know things; to challenge the lines I thought I knew.
I don’t want black and white anymore.
I want to watch the grey skies weep as we sit together by the windowsill.
I want to age with you until my hand is old and grey against yours.
I want to have so many memories that they begin to grey as we begin to fade.
I want the world where you’re with me; the world that’s grey.
Because maybe grey isn’t so bad after all.
them. ii. In This MomentThere is something about this moment, a numbness outside of anything but you. Thoughts suspire, euphoria drips from each word I exchange; I wonder if you notice this. There is a susurration in your tone, and I study the largeness of your pupils, try to memorize the color of your irises.them. ii. In This Moment3 days ago in Emotional More Like This
You go to speak, and I forfeit myself again.
The final obstacle falls - no longer am I bound.Yesterday during a walk, I was finally able to settle something that had been bothering me for long time - it so happens that this was the very last of those personal obstacles that was holding me back. A number of you who know me are aware of my "romantic trauma" - the things my first ex had done during the month she and I had dated. This bit of "literature" is where I tell my story and the details of that trauma, how I was affected, and where I stand now in terms of my "romantic interest." This is also where I will openly defy and stand against the many people who have been conditioned (or indoctrinated, as I've seen it called) to believe that "things must be a certain way" and continue to propagate that mentality and establish it as "normal," as precarious as the word is - there is no "standard" of normal when in truth, "normal" is something different for each individual and therefore one of the most subjective concepts there could possibly be.The final obstacle falls - no longer am I bound.1 day ago in Emotional More Like This
Rant"How are you?"Rant5 days ago in Emotional More Like This
I don't know. I never know if they're asking to be polite or if anyone actually wants to know. They shouldn't know, couldn't know, that the thoughts tear through my mind like an atomic bomb into my own memory, a self detonating bomb. Of what? What?
Radioactivity. That's what it is, the effects of me imploding. Self destructing. Because my memories are locked away like gems, but they are a prize no one wants. Because I have this post-traumatic thing, and a old wedding ring that does anymore have meaning.
"Are you okay?"
No, the worlds gone wrong again. Fucking wrong. But you would never know as I sit empty in my room. My father looks for me but never find it- never that child I was. My mother sits beside the door. Never mind that her heart doesn't beat anymore. She's always there with me.
How did I get here?
"Do you want it now?"
No! Never repeat those words to me. Never say those words. Never say that name. Names. Names that mean something to an empty, old me. Names that