ii.You stitch seams. You know how to stitch your skin together after your dad hits you. Your mother taught you what thread is best for fixing yourself. She taught you in the way of you had to learn yourself because she never did it for you. She is your homeostasis. Your father keeps your blood running. Your father buys you makeup because you have to cover the bruises.ii.1 week ago in Emotional More Like This
You love your parents.
You seal every cut that you make with clear nail polish because it's cheap and it stings and it's toxic and maybe you'll die faster. Your mother taught you how to paint your nails before she taught you how to keep yourself from landing on the floor after every hit. The more you cut the less you bleed. The hair doesn't even grow back anymore. The cells have begun to protest the abuse like the way you do not. You love your parents. They provide you with everything you could ever want. There are three basic human needs, your AP
The Real YouDay after day, you busy yourself with things that you enjoy, hobbies that make you content, spend time with people who make you laugh. Your friends see you smile and love the sunshine it brings to them, and you yourself are glad you could give them happiness. They see you as someone to turn to when they need to be reminded that life isn't so bad, that there is a way to express joy through the hard times, and they thank you for helping them, even though it seems like you were doing nothing but being yourself. But it was being yourself that spread those smiles to others, wasn't it? A chain reaction caused by the simple act of your own face preforming the ever so contagious grin. They see you as carefree, jubilant, energetic, and nothing seems to bother you. You love when people tell you you've made them smile, and it makes you smile, glad to know that you brought them happiness.The Real You4 days ago in Emotional More Like This
Then you remember who you really are. You remember that they've never seen the real you. You remember that the
sadness when my mind is unmappedsadness.sadness when my mind is unmapped3 days ago in Emotional More Like This
when my mind
continuos plans and goals
people and noise
a well designed team
but my mapped mind
is peace to me
DeviantArt the beneficiary
of a life long collaboration
of mind mappers
are you under it?
or, is it under you.
it is coming.
surrender your beliefs
open your mind
is the idea
Trinity I find myself by circumstance at a loss. Bereft of words plentiful and meaningful enough to utter the praises that all of you so rightly deserve. I have but one opportunity to express just how much you have come to mean to me and why. The clock faces me, oblivious to my frustration while every tick serves to repeat the same reminder. You are running out of time, it says. You had best hurry if you want to meet this deadline.Trinity1 week ago in Emotional More Like This
I thought of writing a series of poems, each one a tribute to the ones I admire and have come to love. Even then, the words just couldn't come out. I thought of creating six word stories, one for each person. Again, the words would not manifest. How to sum up in six words all that you have done and continue to do to this day?
At length, I decided to simply write out how I feel in a letter of sorts. And even with an unlimited word count, I would struggle for days, weeks even to reach out to all of those I have befriended
Dear Ex,My heart overflows with gratitude to you for the wonderful way that you've been treating me since our breakup. The past months have been truly enlightening, and the gifts that you have given to me have warmed my heart, strengthened my spirit, and broadened my mind.Dear Ex,4 days ago in Emotional More Like This
First, I must thank you for ignoring me, especially for passing me straight on the street, staring at your shoes as if you hadn't seen me there, even though I had been walking so close to you that our shoulders would have bumped each other, had there been only a foot's less distance between us. The time without you has forced me to reach within myself for the companionship and encouragement that I needed to press on. It has proved to me that you weren't as much as I had made you out to be, and enabled me to learn to carry on without you. You taught me a lot about putting others before myself, versus knowing when to put myself before others.
Secondly, I am grateful for your petty arguments, demanding my attention while
Inner Grells' short stories compilation. A kissInner Grells' short stories compilation. 2 days ago in Emotional More Like This
He kissed me. Our lips fit together like puzzle pieces and remained connected and immobile for a brief moment. Now I understand the meaning of locking lips in a kiss. Then he pulled away and I stayed right there, with my eyes closed and the feel of his warmth still on my lips. After several moments I opened my eyes. The world swam. He was looking at me with an aloof sort of a smirk, while I was having trouble keeping my balance. I wonder how I looked from the side. Confused? Out of it?
"You happy now?" Sarcastic.
I tried to think of what to say. Gotta make him laugh. Gotta come up with something witty. Or maybe pout and demand a real kiss? While one part of my mind was occupied with these thoughts, another part honestly reflected on the question: Am I happy? YES. The realization washed over me like a warm wave: I'm happy. He kissed me. Right here, right now, I'm happy.
"Yes," I answered truthfully. I could feel a smile spread on my f
Foolish Lament Of MineHandsome as the fairy-tale person you would never expect to meet-- Bowing before me as if I were his Queen, not a princess. Lips as pink as a rose; eyes green as the beautiful emeralds on the necklace of a king, yet his posture so correct and poise you would have to see it to believe my every note..Foolish Lament Of Mine5 days ago in Emotional More Like This
When I was writing this, did I imagine the man I started talking to months ago or did I imagine Tamaki from the romantic school comedy anime.... All these qualities I was listing in this romantic series I had written almost a year ago, and the qualities I listed in my heartbox that's underneath my dresser (that I've yet to bury in the backyard), they had come true... Or were they meant as a reminder..
Was the person I was talking to supposed to be a daily reminder that I'm not foolish to dream endlessly of the possibilities for numerous romantic situations to happen between my future love and I...? I believe so. When I look back on the romantic stories I read, to suppress the lonelin
UntitledTo Scot Ford, my father:Untitled1 week ago in Emotional More Like This
I'm aware that you can read this on my DA account.
I know that you will be disappointed if you're not already, but I'm done with the spying, the constant pleas for help when you know I cannot do a thing to help.
I'm done reliving the emotional torture you put me through, the lack of pay with the excuse that I get free food (something that all other restaurants do for their workers), the hypocrisy you fed to me, my sister and my mother.
I'm finally done putting up with what you've become.
The days where you and I had fun going shopping, shooting firearms and talking like men. I don't know what made you change, but I wish you never left for the Philippines. See women from 18+ sites and more.
I miss the man you were, not the man you are now.
I'm sorry to say this, my heart is heavy, but I need to move on with my life and I can't have you tying me down anymore. You gave me enough emotional trauma to last a life time.
Don't say anything to me, I won't hear it anymor
i wanti don’t know what to write here. that i miss you? that it’s not okay and i want your arms around me? i want the smell of you and your hands on my ears, tangled up in my hair. i want you sleeping and peaceful, fingers like butterfly wings on my spine.i want2 days ago in Emotional More Like This
i want your car, you and me and highways. i want the night pressed against us and the air thick with sufjan stevens and your voice.
i want your grandmother’s house and bumping hips in that tiny kitchen, your queen size bed and cool sheets, sprawling on the carpet in bare legs and baggy t-shirts, rug burn on the backs of my knees.
i want kissing in your parent’s half-finished basement, your mother asking my opinion of her hair and you shuffling awkwardly in the hallway. i want curling up with you on a tiny couch, half-listening to movies with dust on my feet.
i forgot how you smelled and it’s killing me.
ComfortsComfort can be obtained from small things, a sweater of a father perhaps.Comforts3 days ago in Emotional More Like This
It can be taken from hugs, physical contact and warmth.
I found comfort in her ring. She let me borrow it, for a day or so, but that is where I found comfort when I couldn't get it from her directly. It reminded me of her, not just because it was hers but because of the traits it bore.
It was metal, rather strong. It didn't bend under light pressure like wire would or other rings I've had have done. On the inside, it appeared dark, but when I shifted the light it showed the true spectrum of colours it held. On the outside was depictions of skulls and cross bones, placed over a dulled steel band. It made the ring seem tough on the outside, and the stainless steel made it seem as if nothing could harm it.
That's how she is. Strong, dangerous, with a dark spirit. That was a bit of a rouse, I've seen her true colours, heard her voices, listened to her fears. Her ring reminded me of her, and it made me want to keep it
No tengo ganasPor esto no tengo novio:No tengo ganas2 days ago in Emotional More Like This
No tengo ganas de pensar en alguien todo el día.
No tengo ganas de enojarme con alguien porque no me contesta los mensajes.
No tengo ganas de encelarme.
No tengo ganas de privarme de cosas por alguien.
No tengo ganas de dejar amistades.
No tengo ganas de tener tiempo para una persona.
No tengo ganas de ser cursi.
No tengo ganas de dar explicaciones.
No tengo ganas de llorar por una pelea.
No tengo las más mínimas ganas de enamorarme
Lost, Trapped, ConfusedAlways, I’ve wondered what it feels like to grieve for something lost. To love, and be in a relationship, and what it means to feel sorrow with the tears falling down your face. I wish to communicate; to express my thoughts and get feedback on them, that is though, if I actually knew what was going on in my mind. Always I am wrought with rage, frustration, and confusion over my inability to socialise and do things that a normal person can do. I feel like an alien in a foreign world even though that alien is my human self and the foreign world, Earth.Lost, Trapped, Confused2 days ago in Emotional More Like This
It is a curse to have Asperger’s or any form of Autism for that matter, being born without some of the integral programming designed to make like so much easier. Neuro-typicals will never know of my plight. To them I’m weird. Different. A freak of nature. I care not for my higher intelligence, absurd logic, and heightened senses. I would trade all of them to experience even a single day where I don’t get ridi
That 'she'Hatred.That 'she'4 days ago in Emotional More Like This
That's all she can sense around her as she walks along the street. They're glaring at her as if she was nothing but a disgusting rubbish. They're calling her by hurtful names, insulting her, putting her down. They are spitting at her, hitting her without reason.
And yet, she goes on walking as if nothing was happening. Their words seem to be like water on a duck's back.
Her tears has been flooding her face every evening, but no one has ever seen them. She's wearing scars, but they can't see them either, because they're hidden under her clothes. Her heart is broken but no one knows it because she seems so confident, walking with her head high, ignoring their words even though they hurt her.
But what they don't know is that when she's alone, she keeps wondering: “Why? Why is everyone acting like that with me? What have I done?”, and that she keeps blaming herself while she's innocent. She thinks she can't do anything right, and she shouldn't have been born.
Yet Another Quote Of My MindThe monsters I see in the dark cannot compare to the hideous creatures I see in the light.Yet Another Quote Of My Mind5 days ago in Emotional More Like This
~CaramellDancenGirl 10/19/2014 at 12:08 AM
Dark Magic "Seriously, what the hell is wrong with her? She's just fucking sitting there."Dark Magic5 days ago in Emotional More Like This
"Do you think she might be sick or something?"
"No because then she would be dying on the floor, not doing-- whatever this is. Gods, this girl is a pain in my side sometimes."
"It's so strange. I haven't been here long but I've never seen her like this. I hope she's alright."
She could hear them speaking, their soft whispers of unnecessary concern. It was breaking her concentration. She wished they would silence their tongues so that she might be able to dive deeper into the dark mind of another artist. The mortal sighed softly and glanced up from her computer, it was propped carefully against her knees, just to steal a glance at the ones that were standing at the other end of her little sanctuary that was cut off from the rest of Phasma. Thankfully her amethyst eyes were hidden behind her trademark goggles. They couldn't tell she was sta
CageGrowing up, I only thought a cage had a single meaning, confinement. And in a way, mine was definitely imprisoning me; yet at the same time it was also a sanctuary that only I held the key to. I built it around me to keep me safe from monsters or pain, and it did its job well, and now I’m ready to start venturing away from it. Maybe not too far at first; I feel like a child again trying to explore the world in a different way. It’s difficult trying to understand that I am safe and that not everything is out here to hurt me, not everything is the monster that I had to come to view most people as.Cage1 week ago in Emotional More Like This
I have friends, I have things I enjoy, I can step out into the world now. My cage is still there, it will still welcome me if I crumble under pressure and need its protection again. The door is now open though, and I can choose when to come and go. I didn’t want to leave my safe haven at first, but eventually my vision began to clear and I realized I was being held back from a
More .More .1 day ago in Emotional More Like This
4/ My life= Split into pieces
4/ My heart= Shattered Heart
2 X Pain (squared)= Poison X Lethality X 10= Suffering
4! X Hurtful Words= Screaming Pain
4! X Physical Abuse X Verbal Totrture X Screaming + Suicidal Thinking= Depression
Which equals= Suicide.
Past% + Depressing Present= Bleak Future
Stupid Shit (squared) X Mc(squared)= A matter of energetic Destruction!
Lies + Self-Indulgence X 10 + Critizicism= Brain-damage!
Stupid Society+ Painful History X Repeated Cycle= Inhabitable Atmosphere.
All of this in total= A Recipe for Suicide, GOSH DAMN IT!
The RightI don’t have the right to cry, to feel sad, for she has it worse. A loss that is quickly approaching her family. She’s leaving…for good. It hurts my heart to think of it, but I don’t have the right. She ended our relationship…because she was leaving. Tears brimmed my eyes, my throat started to close, just from the thought that I wouldn’t see her again. She said she’d try to keep in touch…but she knows she most likely won’t. I don’t have the right to cry, for she has it worse. A cancer is stealing away her parent…that’s why she left. I wanted to comfort her, to be there for her…and I tried…though I wasn’t sure if it was working. Yet, that’s not what she wanted. She didn’t want my comfort, she wanted to be home. I understood her reasoning, but still, it hurts. I would always wish to the stars that we’d stay together for as long as possible. I didn’t realize that it wouldThe Right3 days ago in Emotional More Like This
The Call of the SeaThe Call of the Sea3 days ago in Emotional More Like This
"The sea, the sea, the sea. It rolls and rolls and calls to me. Come in, it says, come in.”
When I tried to read Sharon Creech’s The Wanderer in sixth grade, those three lines seemed cheesy. A lame way to start a novel, even a children’s novel.
Boring rhyme scheme, if in fact it had one at all. Not enough imagery, not enough feeling. Like a nursery rhyme.
I still think that maybe it doesn’t quite capture the ocean, but I’ve been writing my whole life and I’ve discovered that it’s nearly impossible to take the crashing waves, the chaos and beauty and rawness of the ocean and write it all down onto a sheet of paper. No one can capture the call of the sea. No one can capture perfection.
I crave the peace and solitude I find at the ocean, crave to feel the cold embrace of the waves, to become a part of the foam. And maybe that’s why so many people want a sailor’s burial, or their ashes scattered on the beach
Happy Birthday No amount of words in poetry or prose can describe my feelings about you, although I keep collecting the words I feel do the best job at it.Happy Birthday4 days ago in Emotional More Like This
I sleep with my window open at night, no matter the temperature, because my parents took my air-conditioner out and now the hum of that old machine does not play in my dreams anymore- I have to replace that with the sounds of the trees rustling outside. My little dog has always provided the warmth I need to survive, but I never knew I would find a greater heat inside my heart whenever I am with you.
A year ago, I was in love with two boys who both disappointed me, yet I could not get them out of my head. It is funny to think a preacher’s son would be making out with a girl three times his size in the hallway, but your brother’s behavior has always been bizarre. So far, you have amazed me by not being a typical teenage boy. You don
Cafe y limon (segunda parte de My Home)Café y limónCafe y limon (segunda parte de My Home)5 days ago in Emotional More Like This
Entré a una cafetería y pedí una rebanada de pastel y un café, el empleado me pregunto como quería mi café, hasta ahora todo lo había pedido sin hacer contacto visual, sabía que en cualquier comento podría echarme a llorar y todos me tomarán por una loca.
Mire al chico que estaba en la caja y me había preguntado, sonreía, tal vez por obligación pero lo hacia, y al verme la cara sonrió aún más.
-¿Disculpa?-.Le pregunte anonada
-¿Que como quieres tu café?-Respondió este sonriéndome aún más. -Y si quieres algo más también dilo-.
-Mmm, supongo que una rebanada de pastel de chocolate y un café descafeinado con....
De pronto me vino a la mente, la última vez que tome un café,un café especial, fue con Leví, un café descafeinado con poca crema ni tan frío ni tan caliente.
Leví, mi mejor amigo, ¿hace cuan
Grief (2014)Grief (2014) © by laurosaurus.deviantart.comGrief (2014)1 week ago in Emotional More Like This
I am trapped.
Caught in a dark pont which is filled with a liquid
I don't know.
It is sticky.
I am glued.
The sky above me is black.
The moon and the stars are invisible.
Is this even above me?
The liquid around me takes away my breath.
There is no room to breathe.
Slowly, it is pulling me down, into a deep
darkness, noone can describe.
I am floating and drowning at the same time.
Where am I?
A place I don't know.
Is it important?
I don't think so.
The grief is swallowing my heart.
I miss you.
This is poison.
Slow and deadly.
Painful and cold.
It's been so much time now.
Such a long way.
Still, I am not over your loss.
I will never be over it.
No matter what happens.
I remember your words.
What you told me.
However I wonder...
what would you say?
Would you be there?
Would you still believe in my abilities?
I don't know that.
But I know one thing