Little BeatsIt’s never asserted itself as much as it does now, when I’m curled up with my knees pulled to my chest. Ever since I can remember, I’ve been aware of it in a way that no one else seems to identify with. Always the same small pulsing, endless beat. A throb.Little Beats1 week ago in Emotional
Throb... that’s the only way to explain it now. Like a dull, freshly uncovered ache after the initial stab has passed. It’s everywhere. Omnipresent, almost, for me in my world.
Perhaps that omnipresence is why it goes unnoticed so often, even though that little rhythm keeps people alive. It’s different for everyone- some beats are faster and some beats are slower, but they all do the same thing nonetheless. It’s soft and practically inaudible. Normally it doesn’t fight. It doesn’t have to. It just continues on faithfully until the very end. And everyone forgets about it sometimes.
But right now I’m far from forgetting it. I’m reminded each time it throbs and aches agai
Sissy doll tgSometimes I get really bored at home. I live alone and have no job. Due to this I have basically no money so I can not go out and do anything, plus I have no car.Sissy doll tg21 hours ago in Emotional
One day I came up with an idea of a game. Where I basically pick random items of clothing from my closet, while I'm blindfolded and put them on. I called it the dress up game.
The first couple of times this game was a bit boring because I did not really have any interesting clothes. So one day I went round town buying lots of bits of clothing: Baby clothes, woman's clothes and even a few masks. When I got back home I started playing straight away.
I should probaly tell you who I am first: my name is Jeff and I turned 21 about a week ago, as I said I don't have a job so my family is giving me just enough money to sustain me, no more no less. Anyway on with the story!
I layed down the clothing on the ground and put the blindfold on. I twirled around and choose... A pair of frilly pink panties, I was regretting this already. I p
UndefeatedYou have ravaged my family, there are so many affected by you. You attack our bodies and ransack our minds, feeding off of our fear and rejoicing in our defeat. I will not be defeated; I will stand together with survivors and bring more to learn of your cunning ways! You lurk away in the dark, hiding from us for years, only rearing your ugly head when things look hopeless.Undefeated5 days ago in Emotional
Six months, a year, so that is all you have? Wrong state of mind my friends, my dad still had a year, and I loved him and treasured him for that year, learning all I could from him. Yes, it did take him away from me in the end, but it can never take my memory of him! It can never take back the vacations we took and the photographs that were taken. It can never squash my love for him; it will continue to spread into the heavens!
So, what I have to ask of you may seem like it is too much but try to hear me out. Smoking kills! Don’t do it! Stay healthy and eat right. Don’t forget to see your do
So much moreYou don't nee me.So much more21 hours ago in Emotional
So you'll leave me.
Just like that.
Nothing ever changes.
I'm sorry for hurting you.
I love you and I never lied about that.
I hope that you believe that.
:Vent: I Can't Protect You Against The MonsterI messed up. I'm not the brightest and I'm not the kindest. I'm not the dream guy or the main character, or the antagonist that is clever. I'm the monster that is jealous of the rest. The over protective dick who can't get his head on straight. I've messed up and I'll always messed up. I'll never get it right. All I do is hurt you and cause fights. I'm just selfish and that's all I'll ever be because I'm a monster. I failed too many times and you've given me too many chances. But I'll just disappoint you time after time again. I want to change, I really do. But I know I never will, because that is how I am. I've said sorry to many times, the words have no meaning. I could make an apology letter or a mixtape but what's the point if I'm just going to do it again. I'm pathetic and cruel and absolutely trash. And I just continue to hurt what I want to protect. The only thing you need protected from is me.:Vent: I Can't Protect You Against The Monster1 day ago in Emotional
Desolate WorldI am tired.Desolate World6 days ago in Emotional
I just want to sleep.
The tragedies keep spreading.
Do they ever stop?
I want to fall into a deep slumber.
I am afraid of not waking up.
Why should I want to wake up?
Why in a world so desolate?
the lieI stand.the lie2 days ago in Emotional
I stand at the brink of civilization pouring my heart out onto the world.
We bleed and break for sex and money. Try to figure out how the heart breaks.
We are the wounded animals at daybreak. We are the sleeping children who lie awake.
We are mysteries. That have all but evolved naturally.
We are the crosses you bare. We are the naked sun and moon upon our mirrors.
Dance. Lie to me each time you said you loved me, but went to him instead.
I was your side mirror. Your replacement. Your toxic air that made you feel good.
I was the empty emotion, running out of your mouth like vomit.
I was the sore in your back. The lie beneath the sheets that you swore were your own.
And now I'm empty. Begging my heart to stop. The dealer, running out of coke to sell.
I stopped putting pennies in the wishing well. There was no fairy to greet me.
I was the lie. The one you tattooed on your wrist. Sworn to forget me.
I was the lie.
I was the lie...
Directly from me. I'm angry.Directly from me.5 days ago in Emotional
So I write.
I hate doing things wrong. Not exactly doing it wrong, but the guilt of doing it wrong that other people put on me. It makes me wanna scream “I get it! All I do, I do wrong!” And that's mostly why I prefer to be alone and do things by myself. When I'm alone, there's no one to tell me with a smug smile “You did this or that wrong!” or “*sigh* It's even like you do it on purpose.” I hate when people do that. It seems they can't be nice. Just tell me I did something wrong like it were the best thing in the world. Any trace of a smile makes me wanna hit the person.
Why can't people just realize this? Why can't they just say “Look, this is how you should have done it.” and without smiling like a huge jerk? Why?! Don't they have feelings? Don't they like me? That's why I'm very selective with my friends. I only really trust in my best friends and my family, though
Hello!My mascot, Riuu ♡♡ My species♡ Tumblr♡ Riuudoptables♡ InstagramHello!1 day ago in Emotional
universeif ever there was a singular point in time, darling,universe5 days ago in Emotional
i'd like it to be in the blind-filtered morning
in the cold of december,
seventeen hours from my childhood home,
your face in my curls and my head on your chest
Binary StarsxXxXxXxXxXxBinary Stars6 days ago in Emotional
There is a thing in particle physics. A theory. That nothing ever fully, completely touches no matter how close together they may come because of the way atoms are constantly moving, constantly vibrating. So on an atomic level, nothing ever touched you, nothing ever happened to you except your own natural proclivity to the cellular fundamentals of Existing. The same laws that keep you together keep you apart from everything else.
(We didn't happen. We never happened.)
But even if nothing happened doesn't mean those things don't have consequences. There are still things like gravitational forces and electromagnetism and Newtonian paradigms and surface tension keeping water molecules clinging together hard enough to imitate cement till they CAN'T.
And binary stars still exist.
Oh, binary stars are my favourite. Binary stars are proximal bodies whose unique distance and gravitational attractions push them to compose a separate system that simultaneously insulate them from dest
DecemberAnd until we're free from our lives I know it only gets harder from hereDecember5 days ago in Emotional
So tell me love why bad things happen to good people and why we have to wait
And tell me why that's so long for us
I'm living my life based on dates
It'll get better though I know because life doesn't get more shit than this
Living on numbers like a robot
When I see you again and when we depart
Dates, grades, money, time
I've living my life on numbers like a machine
And one day I'll spend every breath on moments not time
Moments spent with you
And the only numbers will be our finances
Our address, our phones
How many days it is until the baby's due
When you get off of work and I get to see you
How much is a crib?
How much is a baby shower?
How old are they?
6 years already?
I can't believe they're already in middle school
Look how big they've grown
Married 10 years?
That's amazing, how'd you do it?
Graduating high school?
You're baby's all grown I'm so proud
20 years together? 30 now?
What a wonderful life
MonsterI am a monster.Monster6 days ago in Emotional
I tell lies with pretty teeth and beckon with sharp nails. Painted lips give toxic smiles.
My mind wanders terrible places; I grin thinking of you broken, hollow, and crawling to me, begging me not to leave. I drink pathetic pleas and breathe twisted thoughts.
I read your face like a seventy-two font book. I trick you into spilling your guts in front of me just so I can steal your pancreas.
Your heart, I mean.
I play kick-ball with it, until it's so broken and bruised you can hardly tell it apart from mysterious cafeteria jell-o.
But you look so cute when we talk. Your face lights up, your nose wrinkles, you laugh, you wonder, you eat up every word I say with interest as to what comes next. Your hand brushes mine and it feels like a static shock has gone through us. You look into my eyes and I feel like I could get lost staring at you.
Your demons were far scarier than I, more real and more toxic. While I believed I was the worst I could be, a player, a kill
Todo lo malo a mi...Podría decir que ni yo misma se como llegamos a esto.Todo lo malo a mi...6 days ago in Emotional
Eramos unos completos desconocidos, solo compartíamos las horas de ingles en las mañanas... Después de eso, nada.
¿Como llegue a sentir esto?
¿Como llegaste a ser tan importante para mi?
¿Como llegaste a sacarme sonrisas?
¿Como llegaste a mi vida?
Un día me pediste que te lleve al barrio, al día siguiente te lo pedí yo... ¿Ahí comenzó todo?
Después de eso, recibí un mensaje tuyo...
Comenzamos a hablar, a tal punto de que nos convertimos en amigos.
Una noche me llamaste, me dijiste que nos veamos en la plaza a las 23 para pasar un tiempo juntos.
Lo hice... Y desde ahí nos juntamos todos los fines de semana para pasar una noche juntos.
Nos convertimos en mejores amigos. Esas personas que están todo el tiempo juntos, que se escuchan, que ríen juntos.
Nunca me espere a llegar a eso contigo...
Llegó ese día en el que me dijiste esas p
HER AND HIMAbout selfportraits of "RapidHeartMovement" (Angelika Ejtel) and IskaeldtHER AND HIM4 days ago in Emotional
(Don't look for a formal analysis:I would need a lot of pages...; it's rather sensations, feelings... just feelings)
As demonstrated by Angelika and Iskaeldt, each in their own way, a self-portrait is never, according to me, a manifesto of our narcissism.
It's never done in order to show us at our bes; in fact, it's all the opposite .
Introducing our self-portraits, is thowing at the face of the world, with or without shame, our various faces. It is revealing ourselves, taking risks, exposing ourselves to danger...
It is also creating our own myths.
In their work, Angélika and Iskaeldt both, show us the magic of " not really the same, not really another " in this infinite modulation of their being.
Angélika offers us visions of herself where esthetics and sensualism predominate, tinted with strangeness.
The most important thing about the framing is often what is hidden, veiled, it is what the mind imagi
We bomb because...We bomb, and bomb, and bomb some more.We bomb because...3 days ago in Emotional
We bomb because they bombed us first.
We bomb because we think violence can lead to peace.
We bomb because we don’t realise or care, that in between the two enemies at war, are children with the light disappearing from their eyes as they begin to understand the harshness of their world.
It Can't Rain All The Time, Can It?Tuesday, November 24th, 2015. 15:29 (3.29PM)It Can't Rain All The Time, Can It?1 day ago in Emotional
I just don't know what to do.
It doesn't matter how much I study this damn subject, I keep failing every single exam. It doesn't matter how much effort I put into it, I keep being worse at it. And I'm sick of this. I'm really sick of spending hours studying the subject I hate the most just to pass the stupid exams to then fail them. But the funny thing is, that it's all my fault.
I chose this A Levels because I liked Physics and Technology. And I knew that I'd have to deal with Chemistry 6 months, but I thought it was going to be okay... Heh, how stupid I was. Seriously, this might be the dumbest decision I've ever made... To the damn hell with Technology and Physics! I don't fucking care about those anymore, I just want to leave this and go to the arts A levels. But I can't change. I can't change now. Even if I did, I don't have the slightlest clue how it'd be like. But I don't care. I don't care about school anymore. Why'd I do the
You Shouldn'tI shouldn't think about it. Or Should I? I shouldn't look for you in every dark corner of my mind. I shouldn't drag you along on the treacherous search for someone who isn't there anymore. You're there, but you're not there. You're not available. You're not respondent. You're not everything I want you to be; because you can't be and you don't have enough of yourself to give me. You've already given me too much.You Shouldn't2 days ago in Emotional
I am greedy and selfish and a victim of my own making. I want you to need me. I want to be the reason you breathe a shallow breath, the monster under the bed, the "why" you can't sleep at night. I want you to beg at my knees to take you back. And I would. I want you to feel what I feel every fucking moment of every day.
But you won't; and you shouldn't. And I respect you for that. I respect you for backing down and away. I've already taken more of you than I should have. I dragged you down this sick twisted slope before, I let you fall. Boy, did you fall.
~3 week kindness challenge~Kindness can be hard to come by these days. Everyone is always in a rush to get somewhere or get things done "right" now. It means a lot when someone says thank you, gives you a get well soon card, and other small but meaningful things such as those. Kindness can come in many forms, but people just don't take the time to reciprocate when people give kindness to them. This is why this world can feel really cold.~3 week kindness challenge~2 days ago in Emotional
This new generation is very self-centered and narcissistic. This doesn't mean everyone from this generation is or will be selfish or narcissistic, but many are. They're too busy to talk on the phone and have a nice chat, so they decide to send texts which is very cold and impersonal. I'm not writing this at all to judge the millennials, because I'm apart of this group too, but I'm trying to point out how backwards things are today. It's absolutely ridiculous. I sat around a table of 5 people before, each of us eating lunch, and absolutely everyone had their phones out, texting a
Meow The room is silent as I look for my pencil sharpener. No one’s home, it’s just me and the pets. Dad’s at a friend’s house, mom’s at work, and Chris is at a friend’s house as well. I love these nights, the nights where I can get the house to myself for awhile.Meow4 days ago in Emotional
Anyway, I found my pencil sharpener. I sit on my bed as I get lost in my thoughts once again. It’s been taken apart like it has been for awhile. it hasn’t been used in roughly a month though. Hard to believe I’ve been clean for a month from self-harm. I shouldn’t relapse, people would be upset if I did. Maybe I’ll be able to hide it better this time.
I glance at my arms. They’re pale and the scars aren’t showing anymore. They faded away so quickly. I didn’t cut very deep last time. Only deep enough for it to bleed for a minute. I miss seeing the blood but I can’t get addicted
En el iris de tu ojoEn el vacío de una noche cargada, miro al cielo.En el iris de tu ojo1 day ago in Emotional
Ahogándome en las cristalinas pozas de tus ojos. Sintiendo como poco a poco, el agua me absorbe y me lleva dentro. Me resisto sin fuerzas al terror austero que me aguarda ahí abajo, en el iris de tu ojo.
Bajo poco a poco. Mi cuerpo es oprimido entre el azul de tu interior. Asustada pero resignada, grito bajo el agua, solo burbujas que acobardadas abandonan mis pulmones, buscando la salida, abandonándome.
Y entonces el pequeño aro de luz comienza a desaparecer y me veo sumergida entre penumbras iluminadas por tu vida. Estoy cerca de tocar fondo, lo sé, puedo sentirlo. Pero no me aterra el llegar ahí, lo que me asusta es el saber que una vez ahí, desapareceré. Olvidada ahí abajo, como todos los demás. Un simple rostro en un mar de comunes.
Y en el eterno dolor agonizante de un alma con los pulmones repletos de agua, me veo obligada a observar como segundo a segundo,
Melancholy Memory (Pencil)A pencil.Melancholy Memory (Pencil)16 hours ago in Emotional
What a simple thing to fixate on. Your gaze does not leave it.
Pale hands, frail hands.
Head, eyes, nose, mouth, etched out with a pencil.
Draping over his thin shoulders, cat-like. His soft smile,
a rumble like a laugh against your chest.
I can teach you, if you want.
Wide grin, childish yet. A nod and a hug
and a pencil of your own.
Drawing side by side,
You pick up the pencil on the edge of your desk
with an air of melancholy
Head, eyes, nose, mouth, etched out with a pencil.
Thin, sore shoulders. Sad smile,
breaths like sobs shaking your chest.
I remember everything you've taught me.
You let the pencil fall.
Brain Fart #1 *reactions*Brain Fart #117 hours ago in Emotional
Weird noises: happen while I'm in the shower
Me: "Intruders are murdering my family and I'll have to fight them off naked."
Weird noises: happen in the wee hours
Me: "Satan, is that you?"
Do you know?Do you know the feeling, when you really like someone, but every time you see the person they're with someone else? And they seem happy. And you can't do anything about it.Do you know?2 days ago in Emotional
Do you know that feeling when your heart feels just so heavy? That you don't seem to be able to bear it anymore.
Do you know the feeling when you're so close to the person and yet so far away?
I know that feeling all too well.
And I have a question.
What do you do with that?