NowhereSometimes nowhere is the best somewhere, if it's with people who care about you.Nowhere6 days ago in Emotional
What Did I Do To Deserve This?Sunday, February 7th, 2016. 23:59 (11:59PM)What Did I Do To Deserve This?4 days ago in Emotional
The crying has stopped. The tears are gone. But the heart is still broken. I may not be crying my eyes out, but I'm not okay. I may have run out of water in my body.
Then he apologizes and I say ''It's ok''. That's what I'm supposed to say, right? They have hurt me, but that is what I have to say when someone apologizes...right? The pain will remain there, but I chose the correct words...?
It doesn't matter when they notice it, or how they do it. They won't talk. They won't help. They won't care. And it has been always the same. I won't learn that lesson and reality will keep trying to make me learn it. How many times have I stopped studying and doing school stuff for being that friend they were looking for? But it doesn't matter, I'm not getting that one. I don't deserve that friend. I wonder... I wonder what... What did I do to deserve this?
My Lady, New OrleansI went home to New Orleans today for a short break from school.My Lady, New Orleans1 week ago in Emotional
I stared out the driver’s side window as I drove across the bridge over Lake Pontchartrain, out at the skyline I’ve come to know so well. The Superdome squatted like some gigantic mushroom between high-rise office buildings and glinting towers of glass and steel, and if I looked to my left, the cypress groves of the swamp stretched out beyond the horizon, eerie and graceful as their moss-laden branches swayed in the evening wind. Even from that distance, I could see the lights of the city center dancing over the dark water, and in my mind I could hear her music. The air sings with screams and laughter, with sirens, with angry sounds, with gunshots and glass breaking and every type of music. It is an impossible city at war with itself, every horrible and wonderful thing blended together to create something terrifying and lovely and utterly unique.
New Orleans. It’s insane and violent and corrupt and vital
Thank You, Dear Friend Named Writer's BlockI wonder what happens when you're a professional writer in the middle of writing a book and you suddenly hit a bad case of Writer's Block. It's already bad enough when you're an amateur writer who writes for the fun of it in your spare time, but when writing is your job and earns you money in order to survive in this cruel, greedy world, what do you do?Thank You, Dear Friend Named Writer's Block2 days ago in Emotional
Well, rather, what can you do?
Say, for example, you were some alternative J.K. Rowling and you were writing the next 'Harry Potter' series that would eventually be adapted into a chronology of movies in a few years. You would have your own writing space complete with a vase of artificial flowers (because maintaining a vase of real flowers is - contrary to popular belief - harder than the housewives in movies make it look) and typewriter sitting on your desk somewhere you use whenever you feel particularly aesthetic or vintage. A teapot filled to the rim with the tea of your
Static and Slush Wake up. Get out of bed. Stare into your closet for several minutes. Pick a shirt, and a pair of pants, make sure they match. Take yesterday’s clothes off, you didn’t even bother with pajamas last night. Pull the shirt on, and tug the pants on. Make sure you put deodorant on, don’t forget the socks either. Slide feet into sneakers, don’t bother tying them. Glasses are cleaned, and put on the face. Take them off, clean them again. Sit on the bed. Breathe in. Breathe out. Nothing feels real. Get off the bed, and open the door. Walk out, shut the door behind you.Static and Slush3 days ago in Emotional
First choice. Bathroom upstairs, or downstairs? You head for the upstairs one, it’s closest. The brother isn’t in there yet, so it is free. Take care of business. Sit on the toilet, and change your pad. You hate this. Finish up, wash up, and leave. It’s time to go downstairs. Each step is a thought, and you make sure you put one foot in fron
Reflexion/ReflectionVenimos de la nada al nacer y regresamos a ella al morir.Reflexion/Reflection4 days ago in Emotional
We come from nothing at birth and we return it to die.
FoolmoonRetinal scars dance around the tired of a sighFoolmoon3 days ago in Emotional
Waiting, waiting for the foolmoon to die
Two Is Better Than OneTwo Is Better Then OneTwo Is Better Than One1 week ago in Emotional
Everyone says it's good to have one but having two is better, if you have two of the same thing then you have a spare but I bet you're confused, wondering why i'm talking about how having two things is better than having one. Let's just say you won't like it.
I had two pencil sharpeners one was just a razor and the other a sharpener but then I thought maybe I can have an upstairs razor so when my family was gone I broke the second sharpener and now I have two razors. Two razors are better than one razor.
I know some of you have said I need to get rid of the razors but I have spent months trying to get those razors and now I have them and now I need to get rid of them, it will be like making a drawing you spent months on and your art teacher saying they hate it and tell you to throw it away.
I have been wanting to hurt myself ever since I got triggered and depressed, and now I can but I will try not to unless I forget to try and just do it without thinking cos tha
A Eulogy to My Hopes and DreamsThursday January 21st, 2016A Eulogy to My Hopes and Dreams1 week ago in Emotional
We gather here today in remembrance of My Hopes and Dreams. My Hopes, Dreams, and I were always the best of friends; always together, always listening to each other's ideas...
We were the perfect trio, always in near-perfect harmony, until just a few days ago.
Thinking back to it now, I was the weakest of the three. I always needed help and when I fell, My Hopes and Dreams always caught me and helped me back on my feet. I do not believe I will find finer friends than they.
Such a strong character, that one. Always looking at the bright side of things; never did the thought of something worse cross her mind. My Hopes was always there to help pick someone up and show them a new brighter possibility to look forward to. I remember a few years back when I was depressed. My Hopes came by my side, told me "It's not the end of the world." I began to feel better and with My Hopes' help, I got up and kept going.
My Hopes, I will forever be in your debt.
PonderingWhen you pick up a broken piece of glass, it often cuts your hand.Pondering1 week ago in Emotional
My heart was fragmented too.
Did it hurt you to hold it?
If so, I think I find it easier to forgive you for letting me go.
The NightTake the pain awayThe Night2 days ago in Emotional
I beg you
Take it with you
Wherever you have gone
To the darkness
In the night
Where you hear the wolfs howl
And he leaves rush
Where you hear the scream of the insecure
And the begs of the hopeless
You have gone to a darkness
That would normally calm me
Would feed my heart
Was now just the representation
Of my broken soul
You were gone
For how long I do not know
I did not count the day
There was no use for that
I do not need another thing
To remind me
You are never coming back
You are long gone
Though I still see your traces
Lingering at the edge of night
Never coming to light
And maybe the light was your life
That caused the night
Through the leaves that were blades
and the howls that were your tears
A plena luz del sol (7)A plena luz del sol (7)1 week ago in Emotional
Milenios atrás, me veo a mí mismo, frente al espejo del baño del colegio, está sucio con manchas de jabón y témpera el techo con bolas de confort-jabón pegadas y hay olor a termo explotado después de un mes, y para qué decir del olor a mierda/ala/pene. Me estoy viendo y trato de verme lo más decente que un joven a sus 18 puede verse.
Es el día de la despedida de cuarto. El Ignacio me gusta y está ahí entregando tarjetas que habían escrito ellos para nosotros, lo veo entregándosela a cada uno. El corazón me late a mil por hora, me siento extraño por sentirme así por un hombre. Me pasa una tarjeta y sigue con lo demás evadiéndome la mirada. La leo:
“Ojalá te vaya bien en la vida jijiji que cumplas tus sueños y…” hueá pussy, me la pasé por el hoyo; ojalá literal. Hasta tiene caritas tiernas dibujadas como el pico y un arcoíris con una nu
It is always your choice.you are allowed to be sad. you are allowed to be angry. but don't you dare tell me i didn't give you a choice. you had a choice. i made sure you knew you had a choice. you could chose to stay, with me, without this tumor, or you could chose to walk away, to never see me again, to pack up your breathing living daughters and walk out that door, leaving the key behind you.It is always your choice.1 week ago in Emotional
no. you didn't have a choice about what i did with my body. with these cells. with this parasite. if you had taken away my right to remove this cancer, i would have jumped off the balcony, or run straight into oncoming traffic, or twist my car around a proud oak tree.
i chose me. i chose you. i chose these three funny, wonderful, beautiful girls with their brilliant eyes and giggles and freckles.
you still have a choice. you can always walk away.
i never changed. i told you from day one that i never wanted children. i made an exception for you. for your daughters. but when a mistake happened. i chose to rectify that mis
UntitledWhat do you do with anger?Untitled3 days ago in Emotional
You know...that thing inside of you
which sometimes makes your whole body burn
and act violently.
How do you manage it?
I always thought bottling it up could help.
Anger is useless, anyway.
"- Your son never gets mad, that's incredible!
- I must admit it's quite surprising from such a young kid but I am proud of him haha!"
I am never angry.
I ignore what is anger.
I don't need to get angry.
That fire inside of me
That will of Destruction
And since it doesn't exist,
I must keep smiling,
because I have no reason
not to do so.
"YOU FUCKING TRIED TO KILL ME! I WILL TELL MY PARENTS ABOUT IT AND WHEN THE HEADTEACHER WILL GET TO KNOW IT, YOU'LL BE REJECTED, YOU FUCKING SAVAGE!!"
That fire inside of me...
"MUM, HE TRIED TO KILL ME!!! I-I COULD HAVE LOST MY EYE! H-HE IS CRAZY!!!"
"...What happened in here? It looks like a storm went in your room...and is your door
Does she?You're wondering if she still loves youDoes she?3 days ago in Emotional
You couldn't help falling for her.
any kind of love that is void of action is not the kind of love you deserve...
You shake your head
Of course she loves you...
Why would you ask yourself that question?
The question that keeps you up at night.
If it's the kind of love
that allows her to willfully stay away,
then I beg,
Let her go.
You deserve the kind of love
that stays by your side
and does not make you question it's exsistence.
in the end,
how little they mean,
when it's a little too late.
PerdidaDespués de todo mis manos si se enfriaron al final.Perdida5 days ago in Emotional
En una noche estrellada, no te tengo a mi lado.
La brisa fría toca sutilmente mi piel como un recordatoria de tu ausencia. Estiro mi mano, pero no puedo tocar nada. Ya te has ido.
No hay nada que pueda hacer, más que caminar en la oscuridad y volver a mi lugar. En esta penumbrosa noche regreso sin ti por el mismo paraje por el cual ambos marchamos juntos alguna vez.
Me siento perdida y no se en que dirección ir. ¿Puedo ir contigo? Grito tú nombre en un intento fallido por alcanzarte, pero no repondes. Estas muy lejos. Tengo miedo de avanzar sola, me trajiste hasta aquí para dejarme a mi suerte. Ya conocías este camino, pero yo no.
No te vayas... Por favor... quédate conmigo.
Not All People are Complete StrangersThe internet is wondrous place, full of information and entertainment that keep people up for days. It’s no wonder why everyone uses it. I, myself use the web just like other teens do as a source of entertainment and way of communication. As much as I like it, supposedly there are many dangerous people out there on the World Wide Web but I doubt that. I believe that the internet is not full of complete strangers because if you get to know the right people they could be your friends that stay with you every step of the way.Not All People are Complete Strangers5 days ago in Emotional
The summer before middle school was absolutely boring as I complained constantly, trying to find something to keep me busy. One day, my best friend Catlyn texted me.“Join deviantART!” At the time, I didn’t know posting art online was a thing so I had to decide if I wanted to or not.. After weeks of thinking, I agreed to her and joined this website she wanted me to be a part of.
For the first few months, I didn’t really post much since I
The muse of my diet - Isabelle CaroI've been striving to eat healthier and become thinner for nine weeks so far. Since a little before Christmas of last year, I've been making sure everything I eat is healthy, and more importantly, low-calorie. I've examined each and every label with strict scrutiny and inquisition, counted and controlled every last bit. It's been a bit of a struggle with the restrictions, the hunger pangs, and all of that, but for the most part I've been happy. I found healthy food that I like -- apples, pears, salad, mushrooms, broccoli, salmon, etc. -- and I realized just how underrated all of that is. I feel like it would be so much easier for people to become thinner if they just gave it a chance. I've also been typing down everything I eat so that I can keep track of it and not be able to lie about it, and it's really motivating. It's also good to jot down how I feel and what I've learned.The muse of my diet - Isabelle Caro6 days ago in Emotional
My hard work has really paid off. I've lost twelve pounds and two inches from my waist. My clo
We Laughed At Onions"I know I haven't cooked in a while because my onions have sprouted."We Laughed At Onions1 day ago in Emotional
She and I laughed, glancing at the green sprouts protruding from the onions. I smiled, pressing my head closer to my mother's chest. The green sprouts looked like thick tufts of hair.
"I haven't been a good mom lately. It's been a while since I've cooked," she murmured to her fiancé on the other line.
I heard her dejection, her trailing voice like an empty, sullen breeze. No, she hadn't failed. Life came along and made us busy. In the morning, before I wake up for school, I hear her heels clack against the cement as she strides to her car. She will go to work again, just like she does four days a week, eight hours a day. She will work hard and come home and turn on the TV and unwind with the cat on her lap, because she has worked hard and she deserves the rest. Meanwhile, I'm in bed that morning, tears rolling down my cheeks, because I'm thinking of him and I keep feeling sorry for myself. I keep feeling
FogIsolation. It's always there, a wall of fog around me, thick and dark grey.Fog2 days ago in Emotional
It's a wall I can see through, but can't penetrate.
Outside, I see people.
They talk. They laugh. They enjoy each o thers' company.
They treat me like I'm there, and I'm happy for that.
I smile and talk along.
But the fog muffles my words and blocks my hands from touching others.
It's an impenetrable shield, but I don't know if it's shielding me from the outside, or the outside from me.
Even when I'm among others, I still feel so lonely.
EmbersThere are words you only find after the person meant to hear them, is gone.Embers1 day ago in Emotional
It’s not fair. It’s just how the heart and mind fail to work together.
You spend so much of the present cursing the past.
Eventually, it all stops.
The cracks you weren’t worried about before, suddenly streak across your reality, shattering everything you thought was your life.
The future is now just a fantasy, a dream, a false hope.
And your life...
Your life is what it always was; you and then everyone else.
The fire of your love is left to smolder.
It never completely dies.
There are tiny embers that never seem to succumb to the cold of your heart’s emptiness.
They burn forever. For better or worse.
You’ll hate them.
You’ll cherish them.
And hate them again.
You’ll carry them with you, forever.
2016 February 7th February 7th, 20162016 February 7th1 day ago in Emotional
I'm at my grandparent's house to drop off wool shirts for my grandma's glove project, to see how she's doing after breaking her arm, and to see how my cat tree is coming along. All seems well and I'm happy. I went to Alyssa and Doug's house last night and had a drink with them and some coworkers or friends of Alyssa's. It was awkward for me, but fun. We played games, they got high and I obviously couldn't.
I need to get my drug test done today or tomorrow. I'm hoping today so I can get it over with. Steve thought I should do it tomorrow but I don't care if I pass or not. I'll talk later though, I'm about to leave my grandparent's house.
SadnessSadness and pain filled the interior of my ego and my heart. Everyone scrutinized me with looks of blame, anger and hatred. What have I done? I know I shouldn't have participated in this case, but I didn't hurt anyone physically or mentally. Nobody pitied me. Their looks all said the same thing: Shame on you. I felt hurt and melancholy. Tears were trying to run down my eyes but I always stopped them before they did so. These emotions and feelings caused me to have no appetite to eat, drink or play. My leader would have to scold us on the meeting today, and exile us, for the worst.Sadness6 days ago in Emotional
Used to being Used"Hey Do you draw?" A highschool girl with curls of caramel hair asked with a kind smile on her painted pink lips. As her carbon copy of her stood next to her as they wore matching outfits. Only difference was the girl who spoke, her hair was darker than her copy.Used to being Used2 days ago in Emotional
"U-uh...Ye-yes... Why do you ask miss?" A person with tan scarred skin as shyly in a dull but slightly frightened tone. Their hands shakily coming to a stop on their friend's gift. Their dark brown eyes lift up to see the females, half of their face was hidden behind their long wavy/curly black hair.
"Do you think you can draw us? We'll pay you." The girl asked her face looking pleasant.
"U-um sure...Y-you don't have to pay me though." The person said their voice still shaky.
"Thank you! Hey how about I buy you something to eat." The girl spoke happily.
"I'm not that-" The artist spoke softly only to be interrupted. Making their hands stop on the finished drawing.
"Sure! Let me get some stuff from my locker then we can go!" Th