sadness when my mind is unmappedsadness.sadness when my mind is unmapped2 days ago in Emotional More Like This
when my mind
continuos plans and goals
people and noise
a well designed team
but my mapped mind
is peace to me
DeviantArt the beneficiary
of a life long collaboration
of mind mappers
are you under it?
or, is it under you.
it is coming.
surrender your beliefs
open your mind
is the idea
Inner Grells' short stories compilation. A kissInner Grells' short stories compilation. 2 days ago in Emotional More Like This
He kissed me. Our lips fit together like puzzle pieces and remained connected and immobile for a brief moment. Now I understand the meaning of locking lips in a kiss. Then he pulled away and I stayed right there, with my eyes closed and the feel of his warmth still on my lips. After several moments I opened my eyes. The world swam. He was looking at me with an aloof sort of a smirk, while I was having trouble keeping my balance. I wonder how I looked from the side. Confused? Out of it?
"You happy now?" Sarcastic.
I tried to think of what to say. Gotta make him laugh. Gotta come up with something witty. Or maybe pout and demand a real kiss? While one part of my mind was occupied with these thoughts, another part honestly reflected on the question: Am I happy? YES. The realization washed over me like a warm wave: I'm happy. He kissed me. Right here, right now, I'm happy.
"Yes," I answered truthfully. I could feel a smile spread on my f
ComfortsComfort can be obtained from small things, a sweater of a father perhaps.Comforts3 days ago in Emotional More Like This
It can be taken from hugs, physical contact and warmth.
I found comfort in her ring. She let me borrow it, for a day or so, but that is where I found comfort when I couldn't get it from her directly. It reminded me of her, not just because it was hers but because of the traits it bore.
It was metal, rather strong. It didn't bend under light pressure like wire would or other rings I've had have done. On the inside, it appeared dark, but when I shifted the light it showed the true spectrum of colours it held. On the outside was depictions of skulls and cross bones, placed over a dulled steel band. It made the ring seem tough on the outside, and the stainless steel made it seem as if nothing could harm it.
That's how she is. Strong, dangerous, with a dark spirit. That was a bit of a rouse, I've seen her true colours, heard her voices, listened to her fears. Her ring reminded me of her, and it made me want to keep it
i wanti don’t know what to write here. that i miss you? that it’s not okay and i want your arms around me? i want the smell of you and your hands on my ears, tangled up in my hair. i want you sleeping and peaceful, fingers like butterfly wings on my spine.i want1 day ago in Emotional More Like This
i want your car, you and me and highways. i want the night pressed against us and the air thick with sufjan stevens and your voice.
i want your grandmother’s house and bumping hips in that tiny kitchen, your queen size bed and cool sheets, sprawling on the carpet in bare legs and baggy t-shirts, rug burn on the backs of my knees.
i want kissing in your parent’s half-finished basement, your mother asking my opinion of her hair and you shuffling awkwardly in the hallway. i want curling up with you on a tiny couch, half-listening to movies with dust on my feet.
i forgot how you smelled and it’s killing me.
Lost, Trapped, ConfusedAlways, I’ve wondered what it feels like to grieve for something lost. To love, and be in a relationship, and what it means to feel sorrow with the tears falling down your face. I wish to communicate; to express my thoughts and get feedback on them, that is though, if I actually knew what was going on in my mind. Always I am wrought with rage, frustration, and confusion over my inability to socialise and do things that a normal person can do. I feel like an alien in a foreign world even though that alien is my human self and the foreign world, Earth.Lost, Trapped, Confused1 day ago in Emotional More Like This
It is a curse to have Asperger’s or any form of Autism for that matter, being born without some of the integral programming designed to make like so much easier. Neuro-typicals will never know of my plight. To them I’m weird. Different. A freak of nature. I care not for my higher intelligence, absurd logic, and heightened senses. I would trade all of them to experience even a single day where I don’t get ridi
More .More .17 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
4/ My life= Split into pieces
4/ My heart= Shattered Heart
2 X Pain (squared)= Poison X Lethality X 10= Suffering
4! X Hurtful Words= Screaming Pain
4! X Physical Abuse X Verbal Totrture X Screaming + Suicidal Thinking= Depression
Which equals= Suicide.
Past% + Depressing Present= Bleak Future
Stupid Shit (squared) X Mc(squared)= A matter of energetic Destruction!
Lies + Self-Indulgence X 10 + Critizicism= Brain-damage!
Stupid Society+ Painful History X Repeated Cycle= Inhabitable Atmosphere.
All of this in total= A Recipe for Suicide, GOSH DAMN IT!
No tengo ganasPor esto no tengo novio:No tengo ganas1 day ago in Emotional More Like This
No tengo ganas de pensar en alguien todo el día.
No tengo ganas de enojarme con alguien porque no me contesta los mensajes.
No tengo ganas de encelarme.
No tengo ganas de privarme de cosas por alguien.
No tengo ganas de dejar amistades.
No tengo ganas de tener tiempo para una persona.
No tengo ganas de ser cursi.
No tengo ganas de dar explicaciones.
No tengo ganas de llorar por una pelea.
No tengo las más mínimas ganas de enamorarme
The RightI don’t have the right to cry, to feel sad, for she has it worse. A loss that is quickly approaching her family. She’s leaving…for good. It hurts my heart to think of it, but I don’t have the right. She ended our relationship…because she was leaving. Tears brimmed my eyes, my throat started to close, just from the thought that I wouldn’t see her again. She said she’d try to keep in touch…but she knows she most likely won’t. I don’t have the right to cry, for she has it worse. A cancer is stealing away her parent…that’s why she left. I wanted to comfort her, to be there for her…and I tried…though I wasn’t sure if it was working. Yet, that’s not what she wanted. She didn’t want my comfort, she wanted to be home. I understood her reasoning, but still, it hurts. I would always wish to the stars that we’d stay together for as long as possible. I didn’t realize that it wouldThe Right2 days ago in Emotional More Like This
The Call of the SeaThe Call of the Sea3 days ago in Emotional More Like This
"The sea, the sea, the sea. It rolls and rolls and calls to me. Come in, it says, come in.”
When I tried to read Sharon Creech’s The Wanderer in sixth grade, those three lines seemed cheesy. A lame way to start a novel, even a children’s novel.
Boring rhyme scheme, if in fact it had one at all. Not enough imagery, not enough feeling. Like a nursery rhyme.
I still think that maybe it doesn’t quite capture the ocean, but I’ve been writing my whole life and I’ve discovered that it’s nearly impossible to take the crashing waves, the chaos and beauty and rawness of the ocean and write it all down onto a sheet of paper. No one can capture the call of the sea. No one can capture perfection.
I crave the peace and solitude I find at the ocean, crave to feel the cold embrace of the waves, to become a part of the foam. And maybe that’s why so many people want a sailor’s burial, or their ashes scattered on the beach
Music Or SilenceDo you prefer serious scenes with good-fitting music or silence?Music Or Silence15 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
Just StopYou know, we humans are really weird. Many of us whine about how depressing and gloomy things are on a rainy day, but then the next day many whine about sun being too bright. Or groan about the dark but once the lights are on it's too bright. Emotions, much like weather, can change in the blink of an eye, suddenly your good day turns bad. Have you noticed how we blame small and useless things for our bad moods. "Waking up on the wrong side of the bed"or "it's not my day". For us, for me, things move too fast. One second it's your first day in kindergarten, the next your graduating high school.Just Stop22 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
Isn't it insane how things tumble out of control from the smallest set-off? It's like one wrong step can destroy everything you know. And when they do don't say "I'm just one person" or "I'm only human" because there is so much you can change in this race we call everyday life. Yes you are just one person, but what about a drop of water? It's just one drop of water yet every sing
The Importance of NamesNames have many different purposes but its main reason for existence is to identify something, be it living, dead, inanimate, or a phrase or term. To me, names are this but hey are also a label or a burden. At birth, I was given my birth name. Later in my life I was given a nickname. Upon discovering my love for writing fiction I created alias who has both a birth name, a nickname, and a title. I also have another name, one that is both a gift and a curse; Asperger’s.The Importance of Names1 day ago in Emotional More Like This
Now some may say, “Really? Who cares, just build a bridge and get over it.” But that’s just it. I can’t. Asperger’s is a mild form of Autism. You are born with it, you die with it; there is no cure. It enhances your creativity, memory, your intelligence, and your senses but at a price. You have difficulty identifying and understanding social conventions, emotions, body language, inflections of tone, and a number of other things. You were born without these traits and need routine, order
100 Thoughts (365 Thoughts update)365 Thoughts100 Thoughts (365 Thoughts update)16 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
One thought each day for a year.
Started on July 13, 2014
1. The difference between a dream and a goal is a plan.
2. When something feels wrong, it probably is.
3. Life is not one straight and narrow path, life is not a hap-hazard path.
4. There are few things more frightening than the prospect of “precautionary measure”.
5. I don’t have much to say, I just like the feel of pen to paper.
6. Should everything filter through our minds as offensive? No. Should we always think about the reasons why we do or do not honor, believe or favor something? Yes.
7. The best feeling in the world is sometimes not feeling anything at all. Apathy.
8. The earth, unlike media at large, does not change her nature based on our preference.
9. It is okay to not know what you want. But if you know what you want, then go for it. Don’t hesitate. Push as hard as you can. The more you want it, the more you’ll understand that you will do anything to get it. Do not give up
Gender and Sexuality QuestionsSo, I really don't want this to be the focus of this account, but it is part of the reason I have it. And, before I start really trying to make friends here, I just kinda wanna have something said, and ask a question or two...Gender and Sexuality Questions18 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
At this point in my life, I'm trying to explore myself a little. I kinda would like to keep my real gender a secret. But I'm afraid that if it's ever found out I am really a boy/girl, that people might get upset thinking that I was posing or just wanted to get my rocks off. This account is about more than that. Part of it is dedicated to my fetish, yes. But I'm really trying to find myself. I've been going through "waves" of different feelings the past couple years. And I'm just trying to find out what I am. I come from a very conservative family. And I myself, am still religious and hold certain beliefs very dear to me. But the environment I live in doesn't really let me explore without lots of uncomfortable questions and harassment. So when I act like/present m
Soul fusionum... this may seem odd of me to ask you out of the blue...Soul fusion18 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
but last night I had the oddest SOMA dream... I guess Makka could have been considered in a beast(blood) rage form and got so hurt that she wasnt paying attention and then Soul yelled at her for a switch so instead of beast was more of a human like form but he looked like a cross of human and Bisharp from Pokemon (to the point I was saying a Bisharp Ginjinka) but he was colored blue like a Hydreigon... know anyone who can draw this?
I dont draw humans well at all and to try and draw Soul would be a horrible idea
Self-Pep TalkEyo, myself, how goes the song writing process?Self-Pep Talk19 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
Ugh, hey Inner Gentleman. Not the best, as you can most likely see.
Lemme take a look at that… Sheesh, you’re a cornball. Who’s it for this time?
No one! No one…
Oh come off it, I know us better than that… When you write a song, it’s always for someone… And it’s always for attention.
Because that’s the only way I know how…
How to what? Make a fool of yourself? Stick your neck out so yer bloody head will get chopped off?
Fly!Fly!Fly!20 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
I fly, wings beneath the gentle waters,
Feeling more than seeing the shores, I look,
Enter the seas I try to make my world be calm,
Inner rage, outer pain, in a tense of blue,
Blinding sight, till the dawn, I break for freedom,
Peaceful waves, silent dreams, everlasting,
Gentle tides, I fly, harsh in the dim light,
Purple skies, blue touch of clouds, green grass,
Falling, on wings so clean, taking lift,
Find myself in the waters, beside the sea…
To Those Hurting :) Hey, guys! ^w^To Those Hurting :)22 hours ago in Emotional More Like This
So, as of today – I am three weeks clean!
I’m so happy. I honestly never thought I would make it this far. The longest I’ve gone without cutting until today is a little over a week (11 days).
However, I’m not here to brag. I’m here to share a few kind words to those hurting like I was.
First: You’re not worthless. I know that sounds like the bullshit everyone says – but it’s true. You have some value – even to those you think want you dead. There would be an emptiness in their lives if you disappeared. I promise. You need to believe that they are wrong, because they are. You’re not fat – you’re YOU. Not anyone else. Some people just are that way – YOU are just that way. There’s no helping it. I’ll tell you right now you’re going to be judged no matter what you do. So, you might as well be happy. That applies to all labels –liar,
The Demise of an Academically Successful StudentApparently, I used to get almost full marks in English. Every single exam and writing assignment, the highest mark in class. But now, I don't know what happened, my teacher just bleakly told me, "I expected way better from you", as I was handed back my corrected first draft of the moderation essays. Of course, being the sensitive person that I am, I was thrown into a state of great shock and trauma due to that. I do not know what to say. It's almost as if I don't know if I have the power to write anymore.The Demise of an Academically Successful Student1 day ago in Emotional More Like This
I cannot pick up a pen and write again. I cannot express my ideas in the creative, flowing way I always do....I cannot even write down a proper analysis sentence. Honestly, I can't even understand a basic poem again. I've been thrown into a never-ending world of language medleys and I became a huge mess of unfinished letters.
Looking back at my previous essays, I cannot help but wonder how I used to accomplish great feats, and now I can barely do a basic task!
It is disappointing, thi
GameWorld Bio: Game Beast TribesBioGameWorld Bio: Game Beast Tribes1 day ago in Emotional More Like This
Game Beasts Are Ancient Beasts That Live Along Side The Gamer Form Fours They Are Based
Off The Animals Of Earth They Still Live Today There Are Two Types Game Beasts And The
Legend Beasts Which Is One Beast Of A Tribe
List Of Types:
Polar Bear Beast Tribe:
Some Members: Hannahbell, MJ, Emily
Village: Ice Kingdom In Rotor's Iceland
Hippo Beast Tribe
Some Members: HannahDlion
Village: Rock Village
Shark Beast Tribe
Village: Underwater City
Bat Beast Tribe
Village: Cave In Mt. Game
Grizzly Bear Beast Tribe
Village: Dark Woods Village In The Great Forest
Panda Bear Beast Tribe
Village: Bamboo Forest Village
T-Rex Beast Tribe
Village: The Past Go By Time Machine
Spider Beast Tribe
Village: Web Woods
Whale Beast Tribe
Village: Same As The Sharks
Seal Beast Tribe
Village: Same As The Polar Bears
Gamer Form Fours
Look At The Bio
Walrus Beast Tribe
Village: Same As The Seals And Polar Bears
Members: Rotor And Dawn
How Are You?Hello Stranger,How Are You?1 day ago in Emotional More Like This
Yes, I am talking to you,
No, Don't ask me How I Am.
That's just pleasantries,
A blank canvas.
If you really want to know,
Let me paint it for you.
I'm more layered than a collage,
I have more secrets than Da vinci's masterpieces.
My morals are more blurred than watery acrylic paint on a cotton duck canvas.
My life is not of my own design.
I am created by outside influences,
I can see the judgment in their eyes as they stare at my brushwork and features,
Their scrutinising gaze as they try to peer into my lack of soul.
I will never be good enough.
I have faults, I know they are there,
I know they see them too.
That's why I wear a mask,
Not for my sake,
But for yours.
Yes, That's right,
So you don't have to see my nasties,
Only my fake beauty,
Which I make you believe is real.
I don't believe I'm beautiful,
Therefore I am not.
I'm a ruined canvas.
Not even worth a glance.
The next time you ask me H
Shower thoughts. "And if I did like you that way, how would that make you feel?"Shower thoughts. 2 days ago in Emotional More Like This
"That'd make me really happy."
His smile was as compressed as a mint.
Already finding out how he would exactly fuck me over.
I should had ran.
Last LifeThis is the first sign hereLast Life2 days ago in Emotional More Like This
This the first sign again
Watch as it disappears
I know the last love
Last love will pull me in
This is the second sign here
This the second sign again
Why does it feel like hate
As if the last love
The last love slowly closing
This is the last life here
This is the last love again
Watch as I disappears
I don't know last love
The empty mind with those I left behind
No.Vengo a preguntarme.No.2 days ago in Emotional More Like This
¿Se acordará de mí?
No sé si yo me recordaría.
No, creo que no.
Esto podría ser cualquier parte.
Podrías ser cualquiera.
Dije que sería la última. ¿Podré cumplir mi palabra?
Tal vez no.
Hola, ¿me recuerdas?
La respuesta siempre es no.
No, seguro que no.
Te echo de menos
como nunca me odió nadie.
He llorado, digo. Por echar de menos, porque el echar de menos me ha roto
las tripas, cuanto creí que quedaba.
Pero ahora no.
Ahora tengo este echar de menos latiendo donde
debería haber un corazón.
Sería más sano apuñalarme con el boli