Static and Slush Wake up. Get out of bed. Stare into your closet for several minutes. Pick a shirt, and a pair of pants, make sure they match. Take yesterday’s clothes off, you didn’t even bother with pajamas last night. Pull the shirt on, and tug the pants on. Make sure you put deodorant on, don’t forget the socks either. Slide feet into sneakers, don’t bother tying them. Glasses are cleaned, and put on the face. Take them off, clean them again. Sit on the bed. Breathe in. Breathe out. Nothing feels real. Get off the bed, and open the door. Walk out, shut the door behind you.Static and Slush1 day ago in Emotional
First choice. Bathroom upstairs, or downstairs? You head for the upstairs one, it’s closest. The brother isn’t in there yet, so it is free. Take care of business. Sit on the toilet, and change your pad. You hate this. Finish up, wash up, and leave. It’s time to go downstairs. Each step is a thought, and you make sure you put one foot in fron
FoolmoonRetinal scars dance around the tired of a sighFoolmoon17 hours ago in Emotional
Waiting, waiting for the foolmoon to die
UntitledWhat do you do with anger?Untitled1 day ago in Emotional
You know...that thing inside of you
which sometimes makes your whole body burn
and act violently.
How do you manage it?
I always thought bottling it up could help.
Anger is useless, anyway.
"- Your son never gets mad, that's incredible!
- I must admit it's quite surprising from such a young kid but I am proud of him haha!"
I am never angry.
I ignore what is anger.
I don't need to get angry.
That fire inside of me
That will of Destruction
And since it doesn't exist,
I must keep smiling,
because I have no reason
not to do so.
"YOU FUCKING TRIED TO KILL ME! I WILL TELL MY PARENTS ABOUT IT AND WHEN THE HEADTEACHER WILL GET TO KNOW IT, YOU'LL BE REJECTED, YOU FUCKING SAVAGE!!"
That fire inside of me...
"MUM, HE TRIED TO KILL ME!!! I-I COULD HAVE LOST MY EYE! H-HE IS CRAZY!!!"
"...What happened in here? It looks like a storm went in your room...and is your door
Does she?You're wondering if she still loves youDoes she?1 day ago in Emotional
You couldn't help falling for her.
any kind of love that is void of action is not the kind of love you deserve...
You shake your head
Of course she loves you...
Why would you ask yourself that question?
The question that keeps you up at night.
If it's the kind of love
that allows her to willfully stay away,
then I beg,
Let her go.
You deserve the kind of love
that stays by your side
and does not make you question it's exsistence.
in the end,
how little they mean,
when it's a little too late.
Ensimismada...Descubrí un nuevo límite. Quizás no sea nuevo, más bien extraño.Ensimismada...1 day ago in Emotional
No dimensioné bien hasta donde alcanzaría mi depresión y pensé que mi templanza y mi determinación quedarían intactas, después de todo mi determinación a mejorarme fue lo que en últimas me llevó a la depresión.
Sin embargo, no me quejo. Solo estoy perpleja ante lo incómoda que me he sentido en esta situación que al parecer he cosechado durante varios años. No pensé que la sociedad menospreciara hasta tal punto ciertas actitudes y hasta ahora que lo pongo en escrito no había caído en la cuenta de lo ridícula que es la sociedad, lo manipulable que resulta la masa y lo desagradables que pueden resultar los prejuicios.
No me avergüenzo de decirlo; caí en una depresión durante dos años.
Por la época salió una película que satirizó un poco ese mismo tema, silver linings playb
Thoughtful Prose 2/6/16Some people say it's an infatuation. Unhealthy, unreal. No one could really fall in love with someone they've never met, could they? No one could just actually feel real LOVE towards someone who is millions of miles away, who doesn't know they exist. No one could really love that celebrity.Thoughtful Prose 2/6/161 day ago in Emotional
Sure, it's all pretend, isn't it? This phase will pass, they say. But will it ever for me? I don't think so.
I don't think I've loved anyone for this long, ever had such a strong connection with someone. In my mind we are one because we share many of the same qualities. I don't think anyone has ever made such a deep mark on my heart. People will always say, oh you're stupid for doing that, for dreaming your life away. He'll never know you and you'll never get what you want.
But you know what? I will always love him with all my heart and soul, because that's what makes me happy. It is the driving force that keeps me going, it is my source of happiness, it is the light in the dark. And I don't
Little Message to SocietyAfter I thought I could live a normal life, the call for action lives within my blood. Weak I may be, but with a heart as large as mine, strength does not come from the body, but the compassion I feel. And I call out to those who don't believe or hope, for you are not alone win thin this world of hate. Because behind this world of hate, is a world full of love and beauty.Little Message to Society22 hours ago in Emotional
I call out to everyone, whether big or small, young or old, to realize your full potential and to look at the world around. Stars dancing in the sky will guide your way, as lands unseen are magesties of royalty. Your neighbor, your friend, your brother, sister, mother, father; your acquaintance, your teacher, everyone... They are just like you. Each has a heart, equal to each other. Because underneath the skin, in your body, is a heart that beats like everyone else's, and you can't deny that they're different because of race or gender. A heart is a heart.
However, every heart has a passion for something. And that some
Word to the Wise... Now, I’m not going to sugarcoat anything. Life can be a little bitch sometimes. What what I can say, is that if you don’t run your life, your life will run you.Word to the Wise...1 day ago in Emotional
I have done things I sure as hell am not proud of. In all my years of- well, breathing- I learned that if you don’t try to save yourself, it’s harder for other people who are willing to do it for you. I have ignored those who cared and loved me all because I didn’t think it was possible to be cared for. I always kept my mouth shut for years, afraid to speak. What I was afraid of is lift your chin and stand up tall. There is ALWAYS someone who cares if you live, always. Sometimes, it’s just hard to see them. But they are there. I know I’m just some kid you happened to stumble upon, but trust me when I tell you this: You are not alone.
You may feel like you’re all alone in the big wide world, but you aren’t. When it’s 2:30 in the mo
RIP In Peace MeBlack trees outlined by pastel skies. The smell of diesel, the sound of cars. Birds add their ever changing formations swimming in the symphony of colour. Some people laugh, some people shout, and others stand still and silent just like the foliage around us. Gravel crunches as people gather. We bide our time, all waiting for the same thing.RIP In Peace Me1 day ago in Emotional
Yellow metal and fogged glass. Muffled voices fill the cabin. In rows we sit. In rows we wait. Two by two as the air becomes humid and warm. Buffeted by the forces of physics as our below-average chauffeur rounds another corner. As more people arrive the cabin is filled with the smell of perfume. The air becomes a melting pot of fragrance as the sky blooms into a harmony of delicate colours. Silence overtakes our shell.
Our arrival is marked by the hiss of breaks, as we disembark from our metal cocoon. Separating not unlike a delta before the ocean, we trickle into the vastness of the facility. Finding our place we sit and wait for our abecedary. W
Because Personal Space Is Not A LuxuryThis is my life, be it at work, "home" or in public. A lot of people have personal space issues, especially me. I do not like the feeling of skin, often even my own. I just do not, I never have. If I am good with someone then I might get used to it and let them, but it is not okay for strangers to just come up and touch me, and it is never okay to just come up from behind out of nowhere and put your hands on my waist like a lover. No. Ask. Build a bond. Never take liberties with another's body, especially when you go around telling people you hate being touched. But really, this is my life from the eyes of strangers:Because Personal Space Is Not A Luxury1 day ago in Emotional
"Thank you, here's your change. Just let me… give you the… you keep moving your hand back a bit, I just need to- no, here. I just need to- let me just jam my hand into yours until I make some incredibly awkward and unnecessary skin contact even though you made it clear you don't like being touched. That will make this better. Now I'll give you a s
Emotional DemonLike an emotional demon, she'll spill guts and feelings and dance them around the room, wrapping her entrails around her slender neck to make a shiny bow in the front. The end pieces dangle elegantly between her breasts, while the fluid that once kept her alive trickles down her abdomen. It's thick and black, and pools at her feet like warm, sticky tar. Realizing what she has done her body convulses, eyes roll back exposing only her sclera. Her knees hit the ground with a soft thud and specks of black splatter her face like freckles. Furiously, she presses her lips to the grounds, slurping up what she's lost.Emotional Demon1 day ago in Emotional
A Memory ForgottenHave you ever been told that you are forgettable? I remember the day myself. That day my friend Michael—one of the ten white kids in town, with a constant desire for things that are illegal— told me that none of my teachers will ever remember me.A Memory Forgotten21 hours ago in Emotional
It is then that I realized he was entirely correct. I have always been an average student. Never really stood out—much unlike Michael and his dyed black long hair, painted nails, and brash attitude—next to him I was the vanilla-baby who occasionally did his homework and followed the rules. And so, when I visited old teachers and had a hard time explaining who I was, I finally understood why; I am forgettable.
And it didn’t stop there. Relationships, friends, even relatives; the concept was so pervasive in my every day. I quickly enshrined my fears of loosing touch with those around me and so I began to build personalities—different “me-s.” While keeping what remained of my close friends, I began
Because you never knowSo at times The Girl can act very girlieBecause you never know1 day ago in Emotional
The other day I suppose I was being my immature self and kept pestering her with jokes. She yelled at me to "leave me alone!" "Just go away!" So I turned to leave and suddenly she yells out "Where are you going, WAIT!" I stopped and turned around confused and she proceeds to leap out of her chair. And with a worried look on her face gives me a hug saying "I love you!" then makes hand signals to leave her be.
Two things came to mind at that moment. I shouldn't bother her when she is doing homework and a memory from many years ago.
As anyone knows who read my journals I travel a lot for my job. Back when my daughter was around eight years old she started a tradition of sorts. As I would head out the door to leave on another trip she would come running and yelling "Wait! Wait! Don't leave yet! You forgot your hug!"
Where upon she would hug me tightly refusing to let go until something like a minute passed.
Should've. Didn'tI never told her that I would always be here if she needed me. I didn't tell her she could talk to me about anything. I didn't tell her that I cans be an escape from family, work, pain, life. I will never stop checking to see if she left me a message, though I doubt she will. I want to be there to catch her if she falls. She fell plenty enough for me. I should have told her to send me her new number, or that I will be on Facebook if you need anything. But I know she wants me to leave her alone forever. I can be a convincing little prick when I want to. She has so many doubts, I can't be one of them. I know I told her that I will be waiting right her if she ever needs me. She wanted to offer the same, but I refused. If she ever said I could contact her if I needed her, I would abuse the privilege. I could never let her be. My whole being is revolved around her. I supported her leaving, I've supported heShould've. Didn't1 day ago in Emotional
SuperegoI didn’t love you, but I wish I had. The beaming faces of a couple surrounded by a scenic landscape are more telling of the land, not their love. It’s easy to fake it.Superego1 day ago in Emotional
I did, because I was a coward.
Still, it was hard to differentiate the types of love when we were on vacation together. Swore by the soul of every dead relative I’ve got, I’d hate you ‘til I died. Turned around and saw you grinning silly against a sunlit sky, well, even then I couldn’t help but smile, too. The good times are hollow, like a watermelon scooped out, ‘cause the fruit just gets everything messy. The good times aren’t what I remember when I’m depressed.
That’s how I think of them, at least. For me, the world is in black and white. Circumstances are either perfect or inherently and therefore entirely flawed. So, if I hate myself, what the hell am I supposed to do?
Run away. That’s what I’ve always done. This mangled way of thinking leaves p
Mistakes were made.I would like to inform you all that I may have just in fact ended a looooooong going struggle in my mind.Mistakes were made.1 day ago in Emotional
You see, ever since I have been exposed to sexual images on the internet a mental war has been going on in my head out of complete fear and feeling of hostility towards such things, so much that I have actually lashed out at the people and their creations at times.... it has affected me greatly.
But now I have somehow managed to get my mind back in order (even though I'm still a little on-edge) and here to say that I am sorry that I have said very rude and cruel things to the people I have lashed out at and regret every single comment I have made in such manner.
Let's hope I can move on from this terrible habit.
lakewalkyou have lake superior in your eyeslakewalk1 day ago in Emotional
and we leave gentle bruises to the barbra streisand records we found at the thrift store-
the one by the river, my last day in pennsylvania
you reached your hands to the sun and absorbed its warmth
(we're going back home tomorrow, darling and i find myself missing the snow as much as you do)
we go back to collecting snowflakes on our tongues and lipstick kisses on our skin.
even in the deepness of the night you still glow:
an angel placed on my doorstep,
a postcard from god himself,
my own piece of heaven
Coldness There is nothing worse than your conscious mind telling you the truth of the situation.Coldness1 day ago in Emotional
Like is fickle and fleeting, love is only certain when it is felt, to hell with both of them!
I felt that cold breeze blow on my heart as it hardened the core of my existence.
The drops of tears that fell turning into tiny shards piercing my face.
I knew exactly why I chose the most difficult path on my journey.
To avoid the pain of emotions only to become stronger in my resolve.
ConfusionIl y a toujours cette part de moi, cette facette, qui continue de regarder les étoiles d'un air nostalgique. Ce moi qui est triste d'être sur ici. Ce moi qui aimerait m'envoler et voir les choses d'en haut. Peut-être que ce ne sera pas aussi beau que je l'espère, mais qui sait ? Peut-être que ce nouveau point de vue pourrait me plaire ?Confusion1 day ago in Emotional
Cette même part qui veut explorer, se sentir à l'aise, est inconfortablement assise entre deux chaises, entre l'envie de rester et celle de partir. Comment pourrais-je lui en vouloir, à elle qui définit comment je vois qui je suis, ce que je suis ? Pourtant, alors que tout le reste de mon être désire rester, elle reste là, à vouloir s'élever vers le ciel étoilé.
Voile brumeux dans lequel j'aimerai voir se dessiner une silhouette, mais qui reste toujours autant opaque, ne filtrant qu'un faible halo lumineux, signe de cet espoir auquel je m'accroche, malgré ce qui semble
Human's best relationship "I guess, you're the only reason why I want to be here in this world anymore." I whispered, as she stood by me. "Always there to catch me when I fall, catching all my tears, comforting me while I sleep." I lifted up my hand to caress her gently. "I want to be with you forever."I spoke, a bit louder now. "I want you to marry me."Human's best relationship15 hours ago in Emotional
And, as I was just about to kneel, my best friend interrupted me. "You do know you're talking to your bed right?"
I turned my head around slowly, facing my friend, and softly replied. "I know. Screw off."
LowEveryone can say that they have felt low at some point in time, whether it be through a number of events that have transpired over a long period of time, or spontaneous bubbles of grief and regret, lose and pain burst and boil your blood, turning your stomach from a solid boulder to a bowl of ramen noodles.Low1 day ago in Emotional
Your head spins or you become light on your feet, the pain in your stomach feels like it is getting deeper, and deeper... but it never reaches the bottom, it never stops, it is a continuous feeling and a reoccuring one too.
And it can overtake the body at any moment, especially in times of weakness, a loved one dies and that sensation smacks you in the face with a nailed blank of wood, you collapse and try not to focus on the pain, you're bleeding, but you are trying to be devoid of it... and soon the pain doesn't feel as horrible any more... but then reality punches you in the teeth and your blood keeps spilling on the cold, hard pavement.
You again trying to avoid the suffering an