My Hands, Your HandsSometimes I just look at my hands, my palms upturned, my fingers relaxed. I think my hands are pudgy. I think the lines on my palms are very smooth and light, like the rest of my skin. When I hold my hand out, the back of my hand turned toward me, I think maybe my fingers are long. My hands are small, but my fingers are long and slim, like rose stems; sometimes they have thorns.My Hands, Your Hands7 hours ago in Stories & Vignettes More Like This
Sometimes I look at my hands, bare and unfamiliar to anything but the grip of a pencil, and I wonder what they’d look like in yours.
I want to see your hand in mine, study the difference or lack of in skin tones, to see that your hands have done real work, smoothed and cut wood and presented me a beautifully crafted pen with, along with much more rigorous work I can’t ever fathom doing myself.
I want to know what you think of my hands. I know what I think of yours.
And I love them.
A Crumbling CastleHave you ever felt so alone and abandoned that you have thought of running away and never coming back? Have you ever felt so wounded and scarred deep inside that you considered ending your life as a solid option? If your answer to both questions is a silent yes in your head but never aloud, you are like I was and perhaps, still am.A Crumbling Castle9 hours ago in Stories & Vignettes More Like This
I first noticed how different I was from the others on first grade. Most of them had been to preschools and kindergartens together, I had been at home with my siblings and our mother. Then there was the matter of how I looked. Though born and raised in the very same country by parents, whose families had been from there (under one rule or the other) for centuries, I looked like someone whose family had moved from Arabia or Israel. I openly wore a cross-necklace around my neck and didn't laugh or roll my eyes at every mention of religion. I wasn't into the hobbies and past times they felt I should have been. My name w
A life in transition: funds and insuranceA life in transition: funds and insuranceA life in transition: funds and insurance13 hours ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
When talking and/or thinking about it, one of the things the tends to be a big issue, is funds. For some, insurance will be able to cover in part or whole of the cost(s) to go from start to finish. Typically starts with psych evals, moves to things like HRT and will end for many with SRS. While that last sentence is a generalized synopsis of what happens for many people in transition, I've come to realize research is key.
Many people who want to transition are typically out of a job, haven't had a job, or are simply not in a decent financial situation to pay for transition partly or wholly. This can be most difficult on teens that want to go from male to female and vice versa, whether or not their family is supportive, a lack of funds and/or enough funds in any case is a big problem. There are a lot of insurance plans in recent years that cover things like psych visits and HRT, but not SRS.
Whatever the case maybe, getting a job is more than ke
Dream Dreams the Dreamer• El Sueño Sueña al SoñadorDream Dreams the Dreamer21 hours ago in Stories & Vignettes More Like This
Se sabe que mi abuelo era una persona muy extraña, pese a ser de pueblo cerrado y no haber apenas salido de ahí en sus 86 años de vida, a el le gustaba decir que era capaz de predecir el futuro. Le gustaba hacer pantomimas con una bola de nieve que tenía en su mesita, diciendo que podía ver el futuro a través de ella y que podía presagiar sucesos próximos. Nunca intentó averiguar el tiempo de la semana siguiente o el número de la lotería, para el sería haber hecho trampas; rara vez acertó una predicción y por ello no me asusté cuando me dio una carta que contenía la fecha de mi muerte.
Obsesivamente metí la carta entre las hojas de una enciclopedia y la ignoré por completo. Pasaron los años uno tras otro y dio la casualidad de que hoy, muchos años después, abrí esa misma enciclopedia por la página en la que estaba el sobre.
Story Time #2 (Part 1)Mini-Scary Lady. That was my first name for her. ‘Her’ being my second girlfriend.Story Time #2 (Part 1)1 day ago in Stories & Vignettes More Like This
It was the middle of October 2013. A few friends of mine got me a job working with them at a Haunted Hayride and I was about to start my first night. That one certain Friday couldn’t have gone by slower, I was so anxious and excited to put on some makeup and scare the living shit out of people. But before that all could happen, I had to go through my friend’s cousin first.
One of my best friends is a girl named Erin. Her and her family are some of the best people I am gifted to have the privilege of knowing. Erin and her boyfriend (at the time) were the ones working at the hayride, but after one of their partners left, I was able to fill in the spot. I was texting Erin the entire week on how the process works. What are we allowed to do, what we had, etc. But I remember having a chain of texts about how actually arr
To-Do List: February 201502-02-2015 FCFB banana juiceTo-Do List: February 20151 day ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
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02-02-2015 My weeks revolve around thursdays
06-02-2015 Laughter on trains
07-02-2015 A goddess, poetry and a fallen angel
09-02-2015 Propensity for density
15-02-2015 Ask your mother about a black and white cat
16-02-2015 Dogs at patting height
16-02-2015 Pumpkin porn
18-02-2015 For as long as it lasts because that's not forever
18-02-2015 How many people are just people? or do we all have gods inside of us.
27-02-2015 The difference between knowing and not knowing is tears
A life in transition: Wasted TimeA Life in transition: Wasted TimeA life in transition: Wasted Time2 days ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
I'm in my late 20s, do I wish I realized it sooner? In my way early teens, there were telltale signs. But I suppressed that part of me as much as I could, I had enough trouble fitting it as it was. I thought maybe something was wrong with me, and there was...I wasn't feel very "male". Only now, not long after my 28th birthday back in Jan of 2015 do I realize this.
If was born just 10 years later, I might have had a better shot and transitioning than I do right now. Especially do to voice concerns, teeth and my hair loss. I've known for a good long time I was going to go bald in some form when I got older, it runs on both sides of my family. I've had some teeth removed in my time as a male and they aren't in the best of shape either.
My voice is low too, which concerns me greatly if/when it will come time to pass as female. All of those things combined, make me wish I realized it sooner and didn't buy into what I was forced fed (so to speak) in my 28 ye
I was Once Told.I was told once... "You will never find or have romantic love."I was Once Told.2 days ago in Stories & Vignettes More Like This
I am beginning to believe this to be true.
Loki/Lady Loki symbol picLoki/Lady Loki symbol pic2 days ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
Why the loki/lady loki pic?
Its become the symbol of my transition, loki was seen as male when he was in male form and female while in female form....loki was still loki either way to the gods and goddesses of asgard. His form didn't matter to them, sometimes his antics with form changes aided the gods.
In marvel comics, asgardians were once had their forms destroyed, and were reborn into human beings...much like how Thor's physical self was sealed in a human while his asgardian powers were bound to his hammer mjonir. Loki was beborn into the body of a woman, loki still retained all the powers of loki...but loki's natural state was that of a woman.
Loki is perhaps the transgender/transsexual and pansexual icon of marvel comics now, it doesn't matter what form loki takes...loki will be loki.
The reason I chose a pic of loki/lady loki is because its the most accurate representation of myself during this transition period of how I look vs feel.
It will have to do for now, until I can affo
A life in transition: mannerismsA life in transition: MannerismsA life in transition: mannerisms2 days ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
*I've decided to record some of my thoughts about certain things while I have "a life in transition", these thoughts won't be in any order. They're just things I'd like to get off my chest, when they come to mind ya know?
You don't think too much or read too much into them, society indoctrinates you into your gender role(s) from birth to death and expect you to adhere to them. When you're younger, you don't know that much nor the way of the world. So how are you supposed to know any different? Typically the teen years is when people are exposed to new ways of things and/or old things they never new about.
Teen years are time of change little by little for most, mass change for some, etc etc. This is typically when people begin to branch out from their ideals, morals, beliefs, etc etc established by their family and/or whatever form of upbringing someone has. A lot of teens realize many things around this time, such as that the come to the co
When Angels Fly ~ ExcerptDr. Tadman placed his hand on my shoulder in a gesture that told me Eli wasn’t going to make it just as I knew this in my heart. Eli went into PICU twelve days ago with soft tissue in his lungs (normal) and two weeks later, his lung tissue had turned into cardboard-thick tissue fully scarred. It is really impossible to ventilate that much lung tissue damage; and lungs don’t heal. The day long wait to get Eli some platelets flown in from Winter Park was too long and the scarring in his lungs won’t improve. Eli has opened his eyes three times thus far today and each time he looked at me. Each time I told Eli, “I love you” and he nodded his head in agreement. I asked Eli if he was hurting and he shook his head no. I think Eli is trying to protect me yet again – this five year old little boy on a ventilator telling me he didn’t hurt when I knew damn well he had to be hurting. I am the mom – I amWhen Angels Fly ~ Excerpt2 days ago in Stories & Vignettes More Like This
About Me-ShadowHedgie54Mkay,ShadowHedgie here, I'm just writing about myself. Alright,so...About Me-ShadowHedgie542 days ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
I like to draw (duh),sing,write,play basketball and guitar.
I play guitar. XD
I hate math. è-é
I'm in Pre-AP math,reading,and language arts.
I have more internet friends then real life friends. o-o
I like Sonic and Dragon Ball Z.
I have freckles,brown hair,blue eyes,and always wear my hair up in a pony tail.
For music,I like Crush 40,Three Days Grace,Skillet,Green Day,and Linkin Park.
I think I'm done here.
A life in transitionI dodged the signs for years you see, kept pushing the thoughts out of my mind. I am sure most people do and have in similar respects, fear is typically the main driver for such a thing...burying who you are deep down inside so that know one ever knows.A life in transition3 days ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
I buried these thoughts so deep down, that I largely forgot about them for years. Society pressures people to conform, I thought I escaped that mindset they tried to instill in me. Turns out I duped myself into believing that, and I realize that now. I have come to terms with the fact I was "born" a male...but I wish to be female.
I said born because what sex you are and what gender you are, they are two different things and I realize that now. Fact of the matter is, I'm scared what my family will think. I already suffered a huge backlash via a family member last year, when I told said family member about my conversion from Christianity to Asatru.
I am a coward, I fear reprisal yet again. That family member who practically disowned me a
Saying Goodby to AlexSaying Goodby to Alex3 days ago in Stories & Vignettes More Like This
Before I can properly relate this story, you must first know a bit about Alex, my pet fish. So right about now you’re thinking: fish aren’t pets, they’re décor, but I beg to differ, at least in this case. I was working at a major pet supply retailer that also sold fish and we had a significant bank of fish tanks to care for. As one of the few people in the store who knew anything about fish-keeping, it was my job to do the maintenance and ordering.
One day we got in a shipment of live fish and I was “putting them away” after the bags had acclimated to the water temperature and when I got to the African Cichlids, I noticed a type of fish that not only didn’t belong in that bag, it was a fish I’d never seen before! It was green and silver with yellow eyes and a bony-plate for teeth, so I immediately knew it was some kind of little puffer fish, but what kind? Well, I moved it to its own small tank, since puffers are known to eat just about an
The Bump in The BoatFor the longest time my siblings and I were very close during our childhoods. We would play together all the time, outside mostly. Neither snow or the battering heat of summer would stop us. Heavy rain would discourage the four of us, we would stare out the picture window and watch the puddles form.The Bump in The Boat3 days ago in Stories & Vignettes More Like This
Afterwards we would explore the wet world and all the creepy crawlies that the rain had washed up. Once, my older brother ate an entire worm. During a particularly hot summer, my sister was dubbed the chieftain of our make-believe tribe. On cooler days, my younger brother and I would spend a lot of time playing croquet entirely the wrong way.
We had owned a plastic turquoise sandbox at the time. This sandbox was particularly fun to play in because it was shaped like a boat with a working steering wheel and horn.
During a particularly fun sailing trip a large bump appeared in the center of the floor. The sand has been emptied out so the bottom was only a thin layer of plastic. The four
Ugly Ch 1Ugly Chapter OneUgly Ch 14 days ago in Stories & Vignettes More Like This
There was a girl, and her name is Serene. Serene had been born with a hideous face, yet she did not have any health issues. As a young girl, Serene was often left out, and was the star of many pranks, and jokes.
She'd spend her school years alone, and her only friends were the violin, and singing soft music.
She was the punch line to their joke. During middle school, she came up with the idea to cover her face with bandages. It made her dark hair feel uncomfortable, and her dark eyes hard of sight. How many hours had she wished them blonde and blue?
Like all the so called pretty girls, she'd seen in fashion magazines, and advertisments. Ok, they weren't all like that, but that was the common idea of pure beauty. Today Serene was starting high school in a new town. A long the way, Serene's mother left them. She could not handle her daughter's appearence. So it was just her, and her alcohalic father in the small apartment. Serene usually wore a
WipeoutYou know that little voice that tells you to stop while you’re ahead? I didn’t have one. It was on vacation with my sense of judgment. It was barely the middle of the week at Big Lake, a summer camp for the Christian youth. My cabin mates and I were going to go mountain biking—one of the many lovely summer camp activities. We were given a choice to ride bikes or walk behind.Wipeout5 days ago in Stories & Vignettes More Like This
The counselors and some of the other girls chose to walk.
I glanced over at the mountain bikes. The metal glistened and the pumped tires begged to be used. Oh, yeah, I’m riding one of those. I didn’t know what mountain biking was really like, but I didn’t give it much thought; I wanted to feel the adrenaline.
The instructor had us go in a single file line as we approached the trail that led into the forest. Of course, I was right behind him, wanting to be the first.
We walked with our bikes as the instructor led us to a downhill that started the bike trail. I watched as he
ChangesChangesChanges5 days ago in Stories & Vignettes More Like This
A lot has changed, nothing is the same anymore. Technology has advanced, new discoveries have been made. Animals have been put into the endangered list, we see more prominent current events. We pay attention to so much of this change that we don't see the change in ourselves. We grow up, face challenges and obstacles life throws at us. We lose people, gain new ones. We become independent, we join the working society. We use the skills we learned in order to survive
Though once in a while it's a good idea to pause, and reflect. What made us the people we are today? What events helped shape you to the person you are today? How did you let a challenge define you? As you think about these questions ask yourself, how will you influence the nest generation?
Social Web (Facebook Page) Act 1 Chapter 0.5I was inspired by a fried of mine once upon a time ago to make a friendly, un-controversial, and innocent little Facebook page or you could call it a Facebook Fan Page. But that was the easy part of the Instruction Manual To Success of mine. Maintaining it would be an even bigger challenge as there were many other pages that would be classified as RIVAL PAGE that hosted the same Material as I were hosting. But could you Imagine that the first 3 likers would eventually lead towards 17 629 likers in total and still going higher in the numbers. I met this man (in which name I have Forgotten), he was one of the first likers of my Fan Page. He said to me that he was going to share my presumably humble Fan-Page towards a aquaintance of his to share my page (This tradition is what we Fan Page Admins called Share for Share or S4S for short). In about 2 hours or so, about 100+ people liked my page and loved the content I was sharing. I thanked the man for his co-operation in making my FacebookSocial Web (Facebook Page) Act 1 Chapter 0.55 days ago in Stories & Vignettes More Like This
When Angels Fly ~ ExcerptOctober 14, 1990 – SundayWhen Angels Fly ~ Excerpt5 days ago in Stories & Vignettes More Like This
Eli is really being a trooper hanging on for so long – tough to the finish! Blood gas at 4 AM remained the same but his Hgb and Hct dropped. Dr. Goertz made rounds after I did Eli’s morning cares, medicine, and range of motion exercises. He took a culture of the drainage from Eli’s ear drainage, but I am not so sure Eli will be here when the culture comes back. Midmorning labs found Eli’s oxygen at 32%. Eli’s and his heart are tough to the end.
I spoke for a bit with Casey when she stopped by to deliver medications to PICU. I told her that it wouldn’t be long now and that Eli would be gone. She was happy to hear that and said it would be good for him to be back on 5D. She thought Eli was going back to the pediatric floor and she didn’t know. I explained what I had really meant and I saw her face fall. I didn’t mean to break the news to her the way I did but she needed to know t