The Day I LeftSo the tables are overturnedThe Day I Left5 days ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
My nose burns as I approach
To receive the taciturn freedom that I’ve earned
Deceived into believing that achieving the right of
Leaving won’t leave me with guilt before I seize it
Is ironic switching between the seasons
No matter what the reasons
No matter how far I raise the bar
My heart is still outside the window of a slowly fleeing car
When feelings spurned by humanity return to reap the
Vengeance on a weeping man’s sanity?
Where is the canopy?
There’s no home, no matter where I grow I’ll still leave
Part of the family alone
And though Dad says the move will surely improve my life they own
When I remove myself does he know with what strife I’m prone to leave the home?
I have to prove to myself and my other family that
I don’t have a heart of stone
Does he know how hard it is to move with the kind of weight they own?
They feel like I’ve turned and that I’ve slashed and burned the roots
Moving OutAll I ever wanted was a tasteMoving Out5 days ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
Of how it could’ve been if I just erased
And started over-with a normal childhood
And did the things that a normal child would,
Instead of looking after Dan
When he’s so smashed that he can’t stand.
Or dealing with him and mom and their mood swings
Arguing, screaming, and throwing things,
Waiting until next Wednesday – Dad
Or next weekend when he’ll have me – sad
Till I can sit and vibe with him
And try to revive the life inside again.
I don’t know how I’d survive without him
He’s my rehab, I would die without him
But I just can’t keep going on like this
It started with just cutting my wrist
Till I started thinking suicide
But neither work, they don’t help, I tried
So I started looking for another crutch
Tried what Dan did, got a little buzzed,
When we were all in Florida, it was just too much
And dad was miles away, by the hundreds –
- Such a rough time for all of us
I’m not say
Don't Call BackI’ve given you 18 years to get it rightDon't Call Back5 days ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
Left to cry at night with an itch
I can’t scratch and a pillow to bite
Its catch 22 and sadly it’s nothing new
I’m sorry mom but we were already through
I told you it’s hard to talk to you but that doesn’t even touch it
It makes me physically sick and I can’t duck it
It’s tough luck but it’s not enough to have a place of safety
Days after calling you and I’m starting light therapy
Lately it’s just been crazy, I can’t sleep daily and I wish you would just hate me
But I don’t know what else will save me I’ve got to stop this
It’s constantly caustic and its nonsense to jump into arms knowing you’ll be dropped
I’m tired of being haunted and, what’s the cost of it? Just my childhood, my sense of shame and guilt
All those years of useless bonds I built in a coward’s brood where no one would listen
And my college tuition
You left me jilted w
WhateverYour love smears like a grease stain.Whatever6 days ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
I kiss you, my teeth,
Yellow like skulls, bleached
Under your glare.
Your love chafes like sweaty jeans
In the summer heat, my mind
Is as soupy as a swamp.
Stroke from the strain of thinking of you
The feeling of falling up.
Calling back is like picking
A scab that bleeds stigmata, and scars
Like the stigma of a bad son.
Each call a paper crane
Wishes hung on the receiver -
And dropped like a salted steak
Into a lonely wound
With all the grace of a deaf songstress
Chanting a chorus of whatever.
Whatever, I am a box of junk
In your basement.
Whatever, your apology is a bill
You won’t pay.
Whatever, it’s not like I wasn’t getting older.
Whatever, I’m just one of your children.
Whatever, I am spilled milk
I am a dull joke,
I am fish down the toilet,
Whatever it costs to see your face -
We just won’t turn on the lights.