Self-Harm Isn't a HandbagPick at the scabs of the ghosts of scarsSelf-Harm Isn't a Handbag16 hours ago in Free Verse More Like This
On the insides of my wrists,
White hot pain memories shoot up my veins
And the tear vapour creates mists
In the lenses of my glasses.
My world narrows down to those
White stitch marks that keep the
Patchwork of my forearms and thighs
Keeping the dark ugly hurt
On the insides
How could I have done this to myself?
Could I blame you?
And her too?
I’m a big girl now,
And the blame rests on my wrists,
That flicked the blade
And sprayed the blood,
And the mind that forbade
Me to ask for help.
I’ve said it before
And I’ll say it again;
It isn’t beautiful
To put yourself through such pain.
When your head is buzzing
From the hit of the high
Of a new cut on your thigh,
Or your mind is lost in a mist
Of ecstasy from a new slice
On your wrist
And you’re dependent on it
A junkie needing a hit,
It isn’t pretty or cute or special.
No amount of kisses
Will undo the cuts
Or absorb the scars.
concrete doesn't exist without waterwe dream about the nightsconcrete doesn't exist without water2 days ago in Free Verse More Like This
where your head is resting
against my chest,
with blankets sprawled,
our legs intertwined
you right hand locked
with my left,
and my right hand
placed on your lower back.
and while i see these things
in my sleep,
i lie awake imagining
the fragile moments too.
not your cliche
but when i say something
without thinking and it hits
you in the place where i swore
i’d protect with my life.
when i say something
that means the world to me
and it’s nothing
but a scoff for you.
when someone’s loved one
finally meets meta
and we have to be there
still dealing with the physical.
i think of those moments
far too often
and how we’d handle
them when we’re just strong
enough to be fragile.
simplicity is intentional
and humanism is concrete
until life hits
and it isn’t what you imagined.
The LonelyYou were once everything to me.The Lonely2 days ago in Free Verse More Like This
You were my world,
The one person I truly cared about.
You were more than a friend.
But you abandoned me.
I invested so much into us.
I loved you more than I loved myself.
And now I don't know what to do.
I'm on my own.
I've never been by myself before.
You were always there for me.
But now you're gone.
There's nothing to replace my thoughts of you,
Nothing to distract me from the hole in my heart.
Now it's only me,
Me and the lonely.
Thinking of Me and YouIt seemed almost likeThinking of Me and You2 days ago in Free Verse More Like This
You were right there again,
Just waiting for me
With your hands outstretched.
But it was just a dream,
And even though I knew it,
I still cried when I woke up,
Thinking of me and you.
Anxiety attackAs the attack begins,Anxiety attack8 hours ago in Free Verse More Like This
I feel myself slipping away again.
And I question things that are better left unsaid.
And contemplate if I am better off dead.
My anxiety is killing me,
I feel my hands shaking.
And I am sobbing.
And am I dying?
I am just trying,
To get a grip.
But I feel my reality slip through my finger tips.
Nothing is real,
Except every bit of pain my mind forces me to feel.
Every memory that I had shoved away.
Is now racing around my brain.
It's driving me insane.
And my limbs turn to jello.
Every time my head hits the pillow,
Before I go to bed.
I start to panic and I am wide awake instead.
More thoughts are swarming around like a hurricane.
Make it stop!
And just like that,
The attack is gone.
winter.you held me, youwinter.3 days ago in Free Verse More Like This
held onto me like a child
that is overtired and moody,
you cradled me into warmth
that felt less familiar than the chill
which now passes through my window
blows dust away from my eyes
and you keep them open
pushing the eyelids back to see me
blurry-eyed and screaming
-please, please you must come home
don't leave me alone again-
but you did and did again and again
so i taught myself to fly
and i flew,
i flew without you, i flew
like those snowy owls we watched wade
through the wintery wind
and peck the sky to find the mice
with their silhouettes, glistening
and their ears [listening--
why must they be the prey?]
pricked up waiting for the moon to say goodnight
and the sun to say good day
but they never do, to they?
those mice, blinded by butchers
and eaten by snakes
but at least they can't see the way dawn turns to dusk
summer to winter
young to old
and this black curtain concludes the magic show
the way it swishes around coffins
after life's production has ended,
A Very Serious PoemI’d like to remind you thatA Very Serious Poem3 days ago in Free Verse More Like This
this poem will be very serious and broody.
There will be line breaks where you least expect
it, to punctuate the importance
of this very serious topic.
Super small words will be given
to add to how broody and deep the writer is.
There will also be a rhyme scheme,
not like the ones you see in current themes,
it’ll be new and original to this very serious,
deep, dark, and peerless poem.
There’ll be a little alliteration too, for drama,
Alongside a circus of squirrely metaphors,
That’ll be accompanied by overly dramatized
And superfluous figurative language, sprinkled over similes.
This poem will be super serious;
the most serious, dark and broody poem ever.
It’ll be blacker than black coffee
and heavy enough to blow minds.
I can’t stress it any more,
this poem will be
Mistakes with AngelsThat was my mistake.Mistakes with Angels1 day ago in Free Verse More Like This
I loved her too much,
that one perfect angel who had fallen from the heavens
to mingle with the beasts in my twisted hell.
The thought of her feathered heart breaking when she read the words on a page was too much for me.
It would be too cruel,
and I wasn't selfish, after all.
So I told her,
the words straight from my mouth.
She was an angel, and I loved her,
but the demons were so loud.
They were too much to bear.
To silence them,
I said goodbye.
I swallowed my poison and waited for them to disappear.
I fell, into the dark,
It was heaven,
and I was happy.
My angel saved me.
I know that's how it felt to her.
I know because she told me.
When she caught me she sobbed,
and held me tight against her holy skin.
The demons screamed,
while I whispered that I loved her.
My angel pulled me out of heaven,
and stuck me here in hell.
But I love her too much,
to ever say another word.
How Time Fliesi.How Time Flies1 day ago in Free Verse More Like This
in your lungs.
Nine years ago,
on plastic and grass blades
and were happy.
the sickening pulsebeat
behind my eyes.
Two and a half years ago,
we plastered blue over mold
and were happy.
fingers to knees
in a constant freefall.
Three days ago,
heat to gravity to embrace
and were happy.
A Mess That is MineDo I want to die?A Mess That is Mine3 days ago in Free Verse More Like This
I don't know.
I will turn myself inside out before I have the answer.
You don't have to cut something for it to bleed or kill someone for them to lack motion,
But my blood and guts are not art and I should stop begging to see them.
My sadness is not a song I can make rhyme when I please and somehow,
My apologies dripped in blood are still not good enough for you.
It's funny how easy it is to fall apart in my own hands when really I shouldn't even have cracked.
But your words have always given me butterflies and I've always been scared to hear what you're going to say.
I think I'm still in awe of you, and maybe that's why I cried myself to sleep on repeat.
I've said sorry and I've called myself names.
I've stressed in the dim light at 4 am trying not to disappoint you.
My heart always tries to run away when I know you're there.
I don't know why,
I think I'm just still surprised we even made it.
I want to show you the shame deep inside of me,
The self hatred too.
YouMy heart wants you so closeYou3 days ago in Free Verse More Like This
But my mind supports not being around you because
Wish I could love you
And could not love you, you're killing me slowly
I can not live like this
No longer stand to live like this
My mind so lonely
My life so lost
I wish I could forget you
I wish I could just forget that I love you
To continue living as it ever was
Wish I could live with you without just pretending to be your friend
SearchingI wish I could be happy, like the other kids around...Searching1 day ago in Free Verse More Like This
Those smiles that they wear, I wonder where they're found...
I want to find a smile - a real one; not this mask...
but doing so, finding one; is such a horrid task...
It's hard to find a smile when your heart is dead and weak...
When you can't even ask for help, because you cannot speak...
It's hard to find a smile, when you feel they don't exist...
It's even hard to find one with maps drawn on each wrist...
I have so many maps, I've traveled many miles...
I always find pure agony; but never any smiles...
It's hard to find a smile, when it's dark and cold outside;
When the clouds are staying overhead - forcing the sun to hide...
I wish I could be happy; like the other kids I see...
I see them with a smile, a family; but not me...
I wish I had family like the other kids nearby...
The kind that makes you happy, and rarely makes you cry...
Maybe a family has my smile; which is why it can't be found....
Maybe it's only meant for t
But you never see it.You twirl threatsBut you never see it.1 day ago in Free Verse More Like This
past my ears
down my shoulder blades.
I am caught
between the tides
I cannot control
and the razors
I do not swallow.
You work as hard as you can
to inadequate me beneath your soles,
and I work as hard as I can
to go along with it.
Am I...All my lifeAm I...2 days ago in Free Verse More Like This
I’ve been taught to love others
just as God has loved me:
I’ve been taught to disassociate
with those who have deviant lifestyles
from that of my family’s.
The same people who
God himself called me to witness to
by spreading his love.
I’m questioning things I’m scared to ask
even my best friends whom I trust.
Like why do I feel
that familiar feeling of falling for a girl
when I think about a particular guy?
I want to be there for him,
I want to help him through his struggles,
I don’t want him to feel alone.
I love him.
But is it out of perversion?
Is this genuine?
Am I confusing two kinds of love?
Am I crazy?
Have I really been bi
all this time?
I’m not looking for justification or approval,
I know how hostile the world can be,
along with my brothers and sisters in Christ,
towards those who aren’t
To anyone who knows me
beyond these lines of verse,
'I don't want to be found.'Calling upon her name,'I don't want to be found.'3 days ago in Free Verse More Like This
The noise and silence crashes,
He is frustrated.
'Why can't we love, like this, or that?'
He hates the reflection the mirror gives him;
He shatters the glass,
He shatters his heart.
The blade across the room
Looks beautiful, so pristine,
Is calling for him, like he called for her.
"Give up your searching, I don't want to be found."
6 feet too farThat day.6 feet too far9 hours ago in Free Verse More Like This
When they said you had passed away.
I didn't believe it until I saw the open grave.
I was in denial in the hospital,
Not wanting to realize I had just lost it all.
I averted my eyes at the casket.
This couldn't be happening!
I was trying,
Yet now I am crying.
As I realize that I'll never see your face.
I just want to curl up in the coffin with you,
Just to feel safe.
But they aren't your arms anymore.
They're just a cold corpse.
And it hurts like hell,
Knowing that I will forever now,
Be so close to you,
But 6 feet never felt so far away.
I just wished you could stay.
But we all die someday.
Smile for the cameraThe ghosts of faded rememberings obstruct my vision;Smile for the camera17 hours ago in Free Verse More Like This
glimpses of could-have-beens
fragmented in kaleidoscopic
as reruns play on reflective retinas
behind exhaustion stained eyes,
dissociation watched silence
and powerless, vulnerable submission.
Hairline triggers and offhand comments,
ignorant dismissal versus innocent curiosity
poking, prodding, probings painfully acute
to unsealed wounds and reopened scars,
for still-fucking-terrified events,
you said the wrong thing
and I disintegrated into
of a past I cannot correct.
Don't mind my panic;
I shall flee the inescapable visions
that haunt my already troubled mind,
microscopic cracks spreading by the second
to form valleys, mountains, factions
of flakey pastry dampened in morning dew
to disolve at the kiss of dawn,
glittering granite ground under beige soles,
shards of a headlight shattered in the gutter
as evidence of the impact, unexpect
ReleaseYears of long lamentRelease12 hours ago in Free Verse More Like This
Comes the sweetness of death
She weeps no more
StarsThe stars'Stars14 hours ago in Free Verse More Like This
MissingMy eyes they search for your faceMissing3 days ago in Free Verse More Like This
those beautiful strong lines to find,
more familiar it is to me than my own
but only tears they shed.
My ears they strain
through the silence
the tones of your voice to hear
and how my heart does long
for the warmth of your love.
My lips they quiver to feel your skin
and to whisper in your ear
how much my soul has missed you
and how much I need you here.
Ma bouilleTu es là ma bouille.Ma bouille3 days ago in Free Verse More Like This
Tu es là maintenant.
Pas un mois seulement,
Et tes yeux brillants me transpercent la vie,
Et ta bouche laiteuse me réclame tout le temps.
Tu es là ma bouille,
Sorti du néant,
Respirant la vie à grands cris,
Et tes petits sourires,
Tes minuscules mains d'enfant,
Qui m'agrippent si fort déjà,
Me font rire et pleurer,
Parfois en même temps.
Tu es là ma bouille,
Tu es mon enfant.
Et moi, je...
Je suis ta maman.