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I finally realized that my traumatic past has been catching up to me. My unresolved fears and pain of abandonment as a child by my parents has seeped into my adult life. It triggers extreme reactions in me that drives people close to me away.

I like to pretend to be strong. That whatever comes at me in life, I'll just pull myself up again and get over it. I'd like to believe that what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. I'd like to pretend that if I somehow draw out pain, and put it on canvas, that the pain will be contained on canvas, and not deep inside me. But that's not true.

When I'm knocked down and broken, and left to pick up the pieces of myself, I lose a bit more of myself each time. Not everything can be glued back together again. And never stronger than before. I can't trust again. I'm afraid of people. I'm afraid of being close to anyone.

It's hard to get up each morning. I feel hopeless and helpless. It doesn't matter that everyone tells me otherwise. I don't feel that way. My friends reach out to me, but I don't want to see them or talk to them and I don't even know why. It hurts to see their kindness go to waste on me.

I feel lost and confused. No matter how hard I try, I keep getting knocked down again. The simple answer is to just get back up, but I can't just get back up indefinitely. I'm not that strong and the burden of being that strong shouldn't be put upon me.

I need time to heal. I need time to go back and face my unresolved past. I'm going to see a therapist. I need help because I can't help myself any longer.

I don't know when I'll post again. I started drawing Fisheye Placebo but I can't keep going right now. I used to say that "no matter what, the sun will shine, and there will always be a brighter tomorrow." But I don't believe that anymore, I don't believe in myself anymore.

I'm sorry I'm always letting everyone down. I'm sorry.

Brace for my best work yet~

Dumb by Lopoddity

am i popular yet
is this not fine art

oh wait no
this looks awful
could it be
that ripping off other artists is stupid
and making shitty bases without permission and slapping your characters over someone else's hard work looks stupid?
no? just me that thinks that? hmm

No seriously, guys, stop stealing other people's work and scribbling on them. It always looks god-awful, and you're not fooling anyone.

this has been an art theft psa from lop, with permission from kilala97  to (badly) use her work
her original work is here: Sweet Spot by kilala97
It's here! 5,000 watchers!

5000watchersomgnowaiwut by Rainbow-Rocket

Wow! Thank you SO much guys! We cannot believe how much support from you guys we have received, its staggering to think about where we were last year to where we are now. Not only are we celebrating an amazing milestone of 5,000 watchers but we are coming up on our 1 year anniversary and 60,000 page views too! That is incredible! 

On February 20th of 2015 we sat down and decided to learn how to plush. It was hard at first - super hard - but with patience we began to grow as artists. With our growth came so much, and not just in our business and skill levels. We started out small, but now we don't just have watchers, we feel like we have built a solid and caring community of amazing people like you. We have done so much, achieved so much, and we cannot wait to see what the years to come bring... 

So to mark all these AMAZING goals we have or are about to break, we have chosen to do a raffle for one of our custom handmade plushies of any size... within reason! We want to have a chance to give back to you guys. <3



  • Favorite this journal and leave a comment! (we expect this to get pretty popular so this is how we will be keeping track - if you dont fav and comment you won't be entered)
  • You must be a watcher.
  • Please understand that waiting time for plushies won from this contest may be 3 - 6 months.
  • You do not have to post your real name for the facebook/twitter confirmation. Simply state that you have followed on either.
  • ONE ENTRY PER PERSON ALLOWED (This means you may only use ONE account.. Please don't make us kick you for being unfair.)


First entry drawn -
One large plush - no overly complicated designs please!
One free digital copy of our guide to sewing - plush basics when we release it in summer 2016.

Second entry drawn -
One chibi plush - no overly complicated designs please!
One free digital copy of our guide to sewing - plush basics when we release it in summer 2016.

Third entry drawn
One Pokémon Micro plush- no overly complicated designs please!
One free digital copy of our guide to sewing - plush basics when we release it in summer 2016.

How to Enter

Favorite this journal to enter and leave a comment (If you do not leave a comment you will not receive a number for this raffle! Please read this carefully) - that's all you need to do. You can earn more entries to this raffle by doing any or all of the below tasks! For every entry you will receive one number. You can earn up to 5 entries if you do all the below tasks as well as fav'ing this journal.

  • First person to screenshot for us the 5,000 mark and send it to us will get +2 entries KlttyCannon won!
  • Create a journal to advertise this raffle +1 entry
  • Tell us why you want to win in your journal +1 entry
  • Like us on Facebook ( and add to your entry+1 entry
  • Follow us on Twitter (Rainbowrocket_) and add to your entry +1 entry



February 20th 2016 - our one year anniversary! 

We have begun assigning numbers! PLEASE DO NOT POST MORE THAN ONCE! If you have already posted, you can either edit or reply to your FIRST comment. If we have missed something, we will come edit or add to our own entry. This will prevent us from counting you twice whilst we go threw each page. If we see we have counted you twice we will be forced pull you from the raffle. We have a very strategic system for this, we will see if we have you more than once. 

Thank you,
Rainbow and Rocket

  • Mood: Wow!

Writing is a funny hobby, job, whatever you want to call it. While writing you need develop realistic characters, an intricate plot and tell an engrossing story. All the while you need to go around asking questions like “where would a child get a hold of meth” or “how many potatoes does it take to charge a cell phone” which gets people to look at you funny, and probably put you on a list somewhere. Those sound difficult, but those are actually the fun parts of writing. There are some parts of writing that aren’t so easy. In fact, they can be really difficult. Here are things that I know I have (or will have trouble with)

  • Beginning a fantasy story without telling the reader everything about your world that you’ve come up with in the past year entirely in the first chapter.

  • Realizing that like 75-90% of the stuff you came up for with your fantasy novel will never actually make it into the book.

  • Realizing that 99.99% of the time “effect” is a noun, and “affect” is a verb.

  • Writing the final chapter of the book you spent three years on without rushing it in the home stretch.

  • Not killing that villain that you really fucking hate like… right here and now.

  • Writing a sex scene, knowing that some day both of your parents will eventually read it. And then all of your other relatives will read it. And then future relatives will read it.

  • Creating a fictional society with a really broken/stupid/extreme ideology and hoping that no one ends up thinking you support that.

  • Writing characters that do things you find as heinous and describe them in intimate details. And then figuring out how to write them without overcompensating and making the audience think that you’re psychologically disturbed.

  • Killing off characters that you really, really like.

  • Making a fictional language. Like… that’s my least favorite part of world-building, entirely.

  • Not using the same really cool word over and over again. Seriously, if I’m aptly tempted or forgetful, I’ll end up using words like “glimmer” five times in a chapter. Every author has their favorite words.

  • Being succinct and telling a story that can be described in a paragraph while making it to 50,000 words.

  • The first paragraph of the novel.

  • The last paragraph of the novel.

  • Editing and revising that novel that you just finished and want to be done with because it took you like three years and you’ve got other ideas and only one life and…

  • Editing and revising that novel that you just finished editing and revising because the second draft wasn’t good enough, and you never want to deal with it again even more...

  • Sports, car chases, fights, most scenes that involve heavy action. “He punched the other guy. The other guy made a quick dodge and then he kicked and…”

  • Writing in active voice when you’ve got a melodramatic narrator who keeps dwelling on the past.

  • Writing in active voice instead of passive voice in general.

  • Coming up with names. Fuck coming up with names.

  • Writing about things in wintry environments because it’s nothing but cold and snow and pine trees.

  • Deciding on which totally awesome idea to write for your next novel because you’re definitely going to forget about the finer details about the other ones by the time you finish.

  • Making a manipulative bastard or a chess master lose without it being a total copout.

  • Not giving up 10,000 words in and thinking that everything you’ve done up to this point is completely stupid.

  • Not giving up 20,000 words in and thinking that the first 10k words were pretty good, but the next 10k were absolutely crap.

  • Not giving up 30,000 words in when you realizing that the plot probably won’t make another 20k words.

  • Making the theme obvious without bludgeoning the audience.

  • Ignoring the fact that you’ve written “said” about 50 times in the past hour because people don’t really care about the word “said.”

  • Wondering if you’ve used too many synonyms for the word “said” because that really bothers you.

  • Figuring out if this scene has too much dialogue or too little dialogue. I always feel like whenever there are five or more lines of dialogue in a row that I’ve written too much dialogue and it’s beginning to feel like a script. Then I feel the need to just throw in some paragraphs of description and it can get all disjointed.

  • Titles. Goddamnit, I’m worse than names when it comes to titles. I don’t think that I’ve ever made a title that I actually like.

  • Writing in present tense and not accidentally switching to past tense, because everything seems to be written in past tense and I learned how to write in the past tense.

  • Realizing that there's two "a's" in "accidentally"

  • Actually telling a story when you have a message you want to convey, and the story is about conveying that message.

  • Not feeling embarrassed that you’ve decided to write something silly, like fanfiction or a science fiction novel about squid people.

  • Not making lists like this when I should actually be writing.

I’m sure there will be many other things that will be problems for me in the future, but these are some writing weaknesses that I have or have had. I think that we all have some things like this. You guys got any?

  • Mood: Joy
  • Listening to: Mystery Skulls
  • Reading: Harry Potter
  • Watching: Air
  • Playing: Rubix Cube
  • Eating: Pizza
  • Drinking: Mountain Dew
First off, let me say this: I'm a very raw, struggling artist.

Believe it or not, whenever I draw a new piece, my brain hurts from the amount of thinking and worrying that I go through. What's happening in the picture? What's a nice composition? What colors can I use? Why don't my colors look pretty? Is this quality enough to satisfy myself? How do I even know if it's good enough?

Everyday I restart this cycle of suffering and learning. What I go through a lot of the time is unpleasant surprises (like when halfway through I suddenly realize I screwed up something), and then the disappointment sinks in. Sometimes when I try to draw a complex pose and fail, I break out in sweat from some mix of panic and doubt. Rarely does any painting or drawing go without some form of frustration of disappointment.

There are artists out there who've been in the trade long enough to approach works with full confidence in themselves. I'm not one of them, I'm just a newbie who's just started drawing 2 years ago with no art education or mentor. This brings me to the next point, which some of you may be quite interested to hear about.

It's no secret that I've gotten a bunch of hate (and concern) over some of my drawings resembling the style of Mr. Ilya Kuvshinov.

I don't deny that some pictures I draw are derivative of his visual flair, and I think it's time for me to share the reasons behind it. A fair amount of people criticize me from the assumption that I'm a high-level artist stealing a popular and well known "style".

First off, I'm not a "high-level" artist, I'm an inexperienced noob. Secondly, if I ever wanted to steal a "style" I wouldn't try to claim it from an artist with well over half a million fans and hope I don't get caught.

I do study his works, breaking down each and every element that makes it aesthetic. I want to know science behind creating a high level work. I hold myself to impossibly high standards of quality from prodigies, trying to figure out why things look good and why they don't. I do the same with photos and art I like as well. To me, it's not about creating a perceived pseudo-originality (that's probably already based in some kind of anime/cartoon) that looks like shit and sit around being happy about it.

It's about learning why things look good and how to make my own pictures look good. I'm not an artist who expects to be able to go around flaunting my "style" and "originality" after a short 2 years of starting to draw. I will willingly copy and play with visual elements from good artists and develop my own vision and skill one step at a time. I don't like using these numbers, I don't believe that 20000 people starting watching me in the past year because I drew low quality, stagnant crap and called it original just for the sake of it.

Also, I have not and will never claim mastery or ownership of others' "styles" which they painstakingly developed over the years.(with the same hard work that I'm putting in now.)

If you would like to see me grow and train as an artist, then I encourage you to stay tuned and watch me do my very best :heart:

Thank you very much for reading!

Sushidog Raffle! WINNER IS.....

Mon Jan 11, 2016, 1:16 AM

Acorn (Sushi Dog) by dexikon

Proof2 by dexikon

Proof1 by dexikon

Here is a extra prize <3
Raffle Soosh by dexikon

You can find the soosh art here!


I didnt click with their design but instead od putting them up for trade, I decided to be kind and raffle him!

Please dont join if you are gonna use them for a trade fodder and not use him, I want him to get s loving home so please be sure you will use him!

I will use to raffle the winner!


-Dont complain
-Dont harass the winner or me

How to join

-Post a journal with a link/thumb to this raffle!
-comment below with a link your journal and I will give you a number!


16th of January
Good Luck!! <3

More stuff to win this month~

You cannot enter if you already won one of my previous giveaways. 
You have to be a watcher to enter.
You have to add this journal to your favourites and share it.

1st prize: 6 months CORE Membership or the equivalent in :points:
2nd prize: 3 months CORE or the equivalent in :points:
3rd prize: 1 month CORE or the equivalent in :points:

Deadline: 29th of February 2016

The results will be streamed 48 hours after the deadline.

ART RAFFLE! Chibis, pixels and more~

Mon Jan 25, 2016, 2:40 PM
UPDATE: Omg 200 new participants already!

decided to make a giveaway bc I reached 1k watchers :D

Arrow left by Drawn-Mario1st placeArrow right by Drawn-Mario
will get a Chibi:

G: Chibi for Ninjagare by HiyiriiC: Chibi for Sancey by HiyiriiAnnie Chibi by Hiyirii

Arrow left by Drawn-Mario2nd place Arrow right by Drawn-Mario
will get a Pixel Icon:

NEW ICON STYLE! O.C Lambie by Hiyirii
Alridpath-7 DONE by HiyiriiStrawberryflames-7 DONE by Hiyirii
(or choose from any of my other 5 styles-> Pixel Icon)

BUT WAIT! There's more
If this get over 500 participants (new watchers)
I will change the 1st place prize for a half body drawing like these:

Delicate by Hiyirii Contest: MisterMya Mass Effect by Hiyirii CE: Floppy loves cookies! by Hiyirii

and If it magically gets over 1000, I will ADD this as a 1st place, and the chibi will go to 2nd and Icon to 3rd 
(Please take in count I have more experience drawing humanoid, also I can do OC and canon characters)


Annndd... that's not all! 
there will also be 9 SECONDARY PRIZES donated by some good DA friends!
These includes fullbodies, pixel icons, adoptables and chibis


:sushi: by ebonred  you must be a watcher
(new ones are always welcome, but you may not unwatch me once this raffle is over)

:sushi: by ebonred Favorite this journal!

:sushi: by ebonred Make a poll / journal advertising this raffle (DONT USE OLD ONES, unless you have a
masterpost journal AND update it to notify your watchers, then you can!)

:sushi: by ebonred Comment the mentioned journal/poll here and I will give you a number/s
and add -i like sushi- so I know you read everything


:sashimi: by ebonred Tagg a max of 20 ACTIVE friends (+1 for every 4 you tagg, that could give you +5 entries)

:sashimi: by ebonred Advertize my Pixel Icon Commissions in a separated journal/poll (+1)

:sashimi: by ebonred Advertize my Chibi Commissions in a separated journal/poll (+1)

And of course comment them here so I can have the proof!
Winners will be chosen by


Created at
  • Listening to: Stuck On a Feeling by Prince Royce
if anyone wants to donate prizes they are greatly accepted
If you donate a prize you still may enter

1st place Banner winner:
Lime Green Dot Bullet - F2U! 200:points:
Lime Green Dot Bullet - F2U! Icon or quick cartoon style drawing from Onj-Art 
Lime Green Dot Bullet - F2U!Line art drawing by alexiafelix 
1st and 2nd place mascot/character design winners: 
Lime Green Dot Bullet - F2U!300:points: each
Lime Green Dot Bullet - F2U!chibi drawing or icon by Onj-Art 
Lime Green Dot Bullet - F2U!Line art drawing by alexiafelix 

Rose Red Bullet - F2U! Rules: 
Dot Bullet (Black) - F2U! Basic rules
Be a member of :iconeverything-isart:
favorite this journal/ comment below that you plan to enter

Dot Bullet (Black) - F2U! For Banner entry
  • Submit to banner contest folder
  • Must be 99x55 or to scale (ex. 198x110 , 396x220) 

Dot Bullet (Black) - F2U! for Mascot/character entry
  • Submit to mascot contest folder
  • Can be any size, shape, gender, must be humanoid (ex. human, anthro, ect.) 
  • Yes you may use bases this is going to be based off the designs we like the most
*if your design is selected we will own the character*
*If your design does not win you may do with them as you please, keep them, sell them, ect*

This is being hosted by Onj-Art and alexiafelix 
ends [Updated] May 20th