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[Warning: Some usage of curse words]

    Guys.

    I have had the worst experiences with some of my counselors.

    Allow me to elaborate. I've only been to three counselors, but none of them have done the least bit of anything to help me. I start to think that maybe I'm the problem, maybe I'm not giving them adequate information to help me. But no-the people I've been to have been total B.S.

    The first person I went to I don't think was even a counselor. Back in my elementary school, I had two best friends. We did everything together. We played together at recess every day, had slumber parties, shared secrets and always, ALWAYS had each other's backs. 

    One sunny day, I thought all was right in the world as I headed to the park to meet my friends. I found them chatting in the bushes as hushed and serious as third-graders can converse.

"Umm...Hey guys..." I ventured. They looked up at my like two deer in headlights.

"Oh! Umm...Ooooh...."

I knew something was wrong.

"You wanna tell her?"

"Guys?"

"I don't care."

"Guys?"

"I think you should."

"GUYS??"

"Clara...we don't wanna be your friend anymore."

    The words hit me like a bullet. I barely had time to comprehend. I had thought we were best friends forever. Fort builders, candy bandits, movie makers. But no. That was all about to change.

"Clara...remember that time when you...slapped me?"

    OH YEEEAAAAH...THAT time. Gee, how could I forget? It was another creekbed adventure, just the three of us. We were laughing and chatting, and I think my friend made a penis joke or something...In any case, I slapped her playfully (as playfully as someone can physically hurt someone!), not meaning to do any damage. 

    She HOWLED.

    It was just next week I went to the principal's office. I apologized to my friend every day, but guess what? She didn't give a shit. I sat in the principal's office, across the table from my 'friends'. I was bawling with guilt. Pitifully, I looked up at the triple-chinned buffoon that was our principal.

"Stop crying." She said.

    That led to me crying even harder, and her trying to stop me even more. It was an endless loop. Or it would've been, if she didn't give up on making me stop. Instead she ignored me sobs entirely.

"Did you slap her?"

*cries*

"You know physical abuse is not okay."

*cries*

"Goddammit child, DID YOU SLAP HER?"

    Okay, she didn't say 'goddammit', but that's basically how my first visit to the 'counselor' went.

    The second visit was at my third school. This school had an ACTUAL counselor, so I thought it may be more productive. I was going through a lot at the time, and needed some ways to relieve stress. I was wearing my favorite jacket that day, the jacket that was covered in dirt and mud and paint and glue and grass stains. The jacket that I never took off. My 'security blanket'. About three minutes in to the talk, the counselor became distracted. She stopped listening all together, and began staring at my chest...

"Sweetie...that jacket looks...umm...." She searched for an in-offensive word. "...well loved."

    I flushed bright red with embarrassment.

"Umm...do you have enough clothing at home?"

"Yes..." I whimpered, wanting to sink into the floor.

"I have this nice new jacket for people who need it..."

    That ended up being an interesting counseling session.

    The THIRD counselor I went to was the most recent, and the most horrifying. It wasn't at school this time, instead at an actual building dedicated to improving mental and physical heath. However, I didn't trick myself into feeling safe. At first, I walked into a nice, well painted room. There was a sort of bed-table thing, which he gestured for me to lay on. I reluctantly positioned myself, the pudgy man leaning over me, too close for comfort, and my mom and brother watching the whole experience silently.

    First, he violently grabbed my wrist and squeezed so hard i thought he was going to pop my hand right off.

"Ow!" I yelped.

"I'm taking your pulse, sweetie."

    No, dude. I just met you, you're breaking my wrist, and your breath smells like dirt. 'Sweetie' is a no-no word right now.

"Ow.." I mumbled again.

"Lift up your head." He said. I obeyed. He stuck his hand approximately where my neck would be if I was to lie down again. "Lie down." He said.

    Oh god...

    He began massaging my neck with his sweaty sausage hands.

"Is that too much pressure babe?"

    BABE?!?! I wanted to run as far away as possible from that man, but I stayed rigid.

"Nope." I said.

"So what's been bothering you lately?"

"Well...I've been stre-"

"Why are you stressed?"

"Well...some of my friends are getting bullie-"

"Oh really? Are they getting their lunch money taken away?" He laughed. I did not. "I'm just teasing you, hon."

    I was furious and uncomfortable. I was beginning to think this man was a molester. And that was before his sausage-fingers began creeping towards my chest. What the f*ck is he doing.... I thought. What the f*ck is he doing...WHAT THE F*CK IS HE DOING?!? His hand then made a sharp turn and crept back towards the front of my neck. Before I could do anything, he stuck his fat finger UNDERNEATH MY COLLARBONE. I kid you not, he began lifting up my bone from underneath. 

    However, I stayed strong. I stayed strong because they sold these delicious little chocolate-coconut bars in the lobby, and my mom said I could get one once the appointment was over. 

    I have to say, that experience was not worth it.
  • Mood: Mortified
  • Listening to: We Are by Hollywood Undead
  • Reading: Joker: Death of the family
  • Watching: Sonic Boom
  • Playing: Injustice: Gods Among Us
  • Eating: biscuits and gravy with sausage
  • Drinking: ice cold brew tea
Here is the Haunting Song lyrics of my Character Maxinus

OOOOOOOHHHH OOOOOOHHHHH (x4)

As the snow fall in early spring
The children of the dead begin to sing
Death who flies up in the sky
Demise will be his guide
As the young and old will fall
Becoming no more then skeletons
Their souls wander alone
How they die we don't know

OOOOOOOHHHH OOOOOOHHHHH (x4)

They are not sure if they are alive
Or if they even was alive
Listen to to the laughs and the screams
And yet they cannot be seen
They hope they find the day
When warmth and love comes their way
May the day or night that comes
They will finally rest in peace

OOOOOOOOHHHH OOOOOHHHHH (x4)
Skkdkdjdidieek
I want.
As passion flows through my veins,
Selflessness leaves me.
I crave.
The touch only you can give,
The gentle torture of you fingers slowly moving across the plains of my body.
I need.
The breath that I hold inside,
The life only you can give.
I am.
Yours, even though you no longer desire this soul that has given itself to you.
But; I live.
Knowing that time may heal this wound, turning this sorrow into happiness,
But my soul will always remember what it felt like the day
I let go.

You might need to highlight the test to read it.
Tell me what you think about it.
Link: ellaemmaennea.tumblr.com/post/…
She has no official art.


  • Mood: Isolated
  • Listening to: nothing
  • Reading: letters in boxes
  • Watching: nothing
  • Playing: nothing
  • Eating: nothing
  • Drinking: nothing
(Note: This isn't a poem or story, it's more of a rant.)

I know it sounds weird, but there are actually a lot of things I overthink about and don't want to say out loud.
I may be shy and quiet, but I keep to myself because I'm too busy thinking. About everything. Most people just don't care and just walk past. The people who do care of course try to ask if I'm alright or about what happened. I want to tell them the truth and say "No. I'm not okay." But most of the time, I don't want to say why.
I get really upset over what most people say is "silly stuff", that's all...
Explain yourself in 3 words
"Oh no" foxy dashed off and came back with a wolf suit violet blacked out. Violet wakes up to foxy sitting next to her "oh what happened why do I feel so" *choke* "why cant I breathe?" "Ye dont need to breathe anymore lass" "what!" "Why" "go look in the mirror lassie" "what happened am I dead?" "Sort of" foxy says nervously "what h-h-how!!!" "This place is special when you die here if you die in a suit you come back..." "I lost my senses!!" "Why am I in a wolf costume!!" "You died so the only way you couldve lived is in an animatronic suit" "im dead!!"violet says panicking "your corpse is in the suit you are wearing and I sprayed you with the special spray we invented for the smell of the bodies im sorry I know how this feels I went through it" "no no no no no" "aww whats wrong lass" "I can never see my mom again she is probably worried sick I cant tell her in person shell think im crazy" "what do I do the last thing I said to her was, just act serious for once and she felt bad I can tell" "what have I done violet thinks to herself she probably thinks I ran away (if she could cry she would)or even worse she probably thinks im dead on the street somewhere!" "Dads too busy to care about other people though" "that asshole, he killed me just because I turned you on (not a joke for the internet to enjoy)" "what do I do foxy!" (Shrugs)"write a letter telling her that yer ok and that somehow yer safe then deliver it." "Sorry if I sound casual lass im just remembering when I woke up in a suit I was freaking out worse than ye are"foxy chuckles violet finally looks in the mirror "woah im sexy..." "I love my costume thanks foxy." "Hey uh foxy what time is it?" "Its (looks at clock) 2:45" "ok so its still daytime" "its the middle of the night violet sorry you were out a long time" "you know I have to confess something its kind of a good thing and a bad thing" "I killed the manager he was going to scrap me so I had to" "yeah that jackass deserved that!, Thank you foxy."
Violet walked over to foxy they already shut him down! She frantically looked for his on

switch she finally found it *flick* "I am alive once more eat that ye scallywags trying to

scrap me!" "Hi foxy" "aye violet you saved me they were going to scrap me now I can fight

back!" "Yes foxy fight back heres my phone call my mom if you need help ok ill tell her its

for me." Well bye violet." Violet leaves confident that foxy can do this but on the way out the manager grabs her "what are you doing here young lady im sorry but you wont be seing your family tonight" violet tries to scream but its muffled by his heavy hand only foxy heard the barely audible scream "im coming violet" foxy ran after violet to find her on the floor bloody gurgling the words "help me" oh no
(Backstory violet was a young girl who always went to freddy fazbears pizza as a child. She is one of the only kids who came to freddys ages 2 to 19 she has a childish spirit still lingering inside of her. She likes the freddy crew but shes always spent most of her time with foxy the pirate fox in pirate cove she would listen to his adventurous pirate stories and even when she was a toddler she had skinned her knee and foxy took her to get a bandage and he had comforted her whenever she felt sad.)




Fast forward to now violet is 19 and shes at a table at freddy fazbears pizza chatting with her mom who was telling her about how foxy got shut down again last night at 6 pm...                
"So violet I have really sad news for you" "oh no what did you do mom!" "I did nothing I promise its just..." "mom can you take me seriously for once!!"violet realizing she yelled at her mom felt bad and her moms face looked really hurt she was nervous she didnt speak she needed time alone to think about what she did "mom, im sorry I should go think about what ive done "wait violet heres the sad news *sigh* foxy is being shut down for good, after the bite of 87 that was his first chance but hes bit someone again and the owner is going to send orders to destroy him tonight!!" "you should go say goodbye im sorry this had to happen." Violet speechless walks away and slips into the now shut down pirate cove and sees foxy lying there on the floor...