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Collection: The Allure of a Red Dress

Mon Dec 22, 2014, 12:20 PM
54-img-00 by techgnotic








Maybe it’s being the color of blood that makes red such a strong color, especially when displayed in public. It is exotic–a matador’s cape, or a vampire’s, or a flamenco dancer’s skirts. Most women have their “little black dress” for evening’s out. Black tells no secrets. It’s on the occasion of the “red dress” that we suddenly wonder what’s on the someone’s mind.


The message of “red” in novels, films and music is passion barely controlled, of sexual temptation. It is a flashing warning light. Plastic surgery made John Dillinger invisible to the FBI. It was the “Woman in Red” who betrayed him, by taking his arm as they exited a movie theater. He was gunned down in the alley. Ladies dipped their skirts into the pool of his red blood for mementos of the exciting night.










(Trigger warning for transgenders and people with depression)

I cross my arms tightly, doubling over on the bed. My stomach hurt from all the pills I had taken. Being half vampire made trying to die a lot harder.

I didn't want to die but I didn't want to live either.

Even with Klaus, I still drown in the black sea that is my mind. He tells me he loves me. He tells me I'm perfect the way I am. But the way I am is a boy. And I don't want to be a boy. I want to be a girl, to do girly things and wear pretty dresses and makeup. I wanted to be like my sister, Kiyomi.

To my parents, she was perfect. She got straight A's. She was happily married and pregnant, as young as she was. She was strong willed and knew right from wrong. She wasn't transgender.

My father hated me the moment I told them I wanted to be a girl. He hit me and called me a tranny. Stupid tranny. Pussy.

He purposely called me by my birth given name, which was Keith. Mum called me by the name I chose, which I appreciated. But I would've been happier if she had pushed him into calling me Katie too.

But of course, she didn't. When it came to dad, mum was always on his side. And I guess I could understand why. Father was a dangerous man with an even more dangerous temper. Bipolar, they call it. Happy one moment, angry the next. But he's way past being angry with me. Now he no longer cares. And that hurts more than the abuse.

Sometimes I fear that if I were to get taken away and killed, it would take them a long time to notice my disappearance. Kiyomi used to spend time with me and care about me but now it's all about her husband, Jeb.

I hate Jeb.

I hate him for taking her away from me.

I hate everyone.

I had to deal with everything by myself. I had to learn to do math by myself. Dad wouldn't let us go to public school until Kiyomi turned sixteen. It was all about her.

No one ever asked my opinion. Dad once told me if I wanted to be a woman, then I was to be seen and not heard.

He was very sexist.

And that stayed with me all through my childhood. I never said anything, and when I did, it was one word answers. I was made fun of in school for being so quiet.

Klaus told me he liked the sound of my voice. But I don't believe him. Not when I talk in a falsetto. Not when it sounds so fake. My voice is actually deeper in pitch, now that I've gone through puberty. And I hate it.

I hate a lot of things.

I stood then, going to the mirror to take off my makeup. Stupid tranny, I thought to myself as I wiped away concealer and blush. I worked at my eyes, clearing away the eye liner and eye shadow. I squeezed my eyes shut and worked at cleaning my lashes.

Once done, i took out the green contacts I wore. Not that I needed contacts, I just wanted to have green eyes, like many of the girls i see have in magazines.

I stared at my grey eyed appearance. Light freckles scattered across my face and a small scar outlined my eyebrow. My small upturned nose was littered in those light freckles and my small mouth was pursed slightly. My blonde hair was pulled back into a pony tail.  

I let out a small sigh and turned towards the bed, seeing Klaus laying down. He was on his side, already asleep.

How could he love someone like me? A mistake? A stupid tranny?

Tears filled my eyes as words of hatred filled my mind. I let out a small whimper before making my way to the bathroom. I hated myself. I really did.

Trembling fingers pulled open the cabinet. I took out one of the blood stained razors.

My cousin once told me how he had been depressed for a long time. It used to frustrate his husband and father whenever he would lock himself in the bathroom and come out hours later covered with bandages.

He almost lost his husband because of the depression.

Which made me angry. Why didn't Kurloz want to stay and help Luka, my cousin? Why would he give up and just leave? It made me think that because of the cutting, I was nothing but a lost cause, something to be given up on.

I hoped Klaus wouldn't give up on me.

It would kill me if he did.

I cried as I cut, slicing deep into my thighs and stomach. I can't wear pretty sundresses if my arms are littered with scars.

I sniffled as I washed the razor before putting it away. Opening the bathroom door, I jumped when I saw Klaus standing there.

He only stared at me, a sadness on his face. My face crumpled and I started to sob.

"I'm sorry," I cried, covering my face. "I'm sorry. Please don't leave. Stupid tranny, stupid tranny," I repeated, my voice breaking. Klaus pulled me against him chest, holding me tightly.

"I von't leave," he whispered against my head. "I'll never leave."
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  • Mood: Adoration
  • Listening to: Tv Lull from another room
  • Reading: n/a
  • Watching: nothing
  • Playing: nothing
  • Eating: nothing
  • Drinking: Strawberry flavored water
I play TinierMe.com and I made these from a dream selfy simulation website.

The Vampire Diaries

Damon:
plustg.com/dream/227384/share


Stefan:
plustg.com/dream/227387/share


What do you all think?
  • Mood: Pain
  • Listening to: The boys gaming
  • Reading: getting ready to start Vampire Kisses 4
YES I HAVE NEW VAMPIRE NOVELS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wOOt!!!!! i have ok my sister has.... almost all of the Vampire Kisses Series... just not the first one... but the other 3 she has... and they are REALLY REALLY good!!!!! well 2 and 3 are i don't know about 4 yet... i also have another book (yes it's mine) and it's about a vampire getting hunted down by the CIA ... well it sounds interesting so ... yeah...

Me and mary went shopping yesterday it was LOADS of fun! she got lots of cute clothes that look great on her... we were shopping for her so i didn't get anything except for the vampire novel... and that wasn't planned... but yes... borders ... is amazing!

Ok i have my homecomming dress... well ... sorta... we still have to make it ... but we have the stuff to make it!... lol ... *nervous laugh*... now the next challenge is getting it done in time... basicly it's black with white polka dots...and it's going to be sort of a 50's looking dress... it'll be cute though! trust me i know what i'm doing!
*Title from a song.

Today on Facebook, everyone had a status like, "Going to school!" or "Two classes today!" or something, and I was just like... I dunno. Feeling a little left out? I guess I really did want to go to college after all. I mean, yeah, I'm still going in the winter, but. I don't know, it's wrapped up with a bunch of other things and I'm realizing I just can't be someone I'm not and I just can't do some things I thought I would.

It's like admitting something to myself, I guess. It's like rolling with the punches, it's like being happy with what you have, it's like finding a new trail to take. And actually taking it.
I'm going to form my own path and it's going to lead me somewhere of my own, and I have to go at it alone. At some point. (At all points?) I could end up somewhere foreign. I could end up somewhere bad. But there's a certain something about it being my somewhere that makes this a sobering moment. Get it?

Bleh bleh bleh, my stomach hurts. It makes me ranty.

Anyone ever seen Buff the Vampire Slayer? (movie or show?) Cause I want to watch it for some strange reason, but if it sucks I'll pass.
  • Mood: Neutral
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