the lotus-eaters.do you know what i mean when i say i just want to fall,the lotus-eaters.5 years ago in Free Verse
like the leaves and the sky and the numbers under my feet?
i have to let you know i'm not good enough
so i tattoo it in my freckles and write it on your walls.
my hands smell of sulphur and clay
and no amount of soap makes it fade.
it's like a tangible version of you,
soulless beast roaming my mind.
i find myself reaching for you
in my sleep, waking with a start
and revulsion in my arms.
i've carved birds into my wrist to keep me happy
because things like shopping and counting calories haven't.
every time you leave me,
every time i say i love you
and you leave me with silence,
i want to become this godless girl
with an empty heart and no love;
to bleed like it's what i was born for,
and not be the least bit sorry
for any of it.
i am eighteen and i garner pleasure out of very legal,
very counterintuitive things. i am a sick puppy
and i don't mind it but my mother does.
the unsettled look in her eyes like the
hunger of a lion, burni