DespairSmiling is how I make it through the day,Despair5 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms
Pretending that everything is just okay.
I conceal the intense ache that I feel inside,
I laugh and joke and push everything aside.
No one ever cares to look into my eyes,
If they did, they'd see past the disguise.
The disguise I place on myself to hide the pain,
To hide the darkness that I can't explain.
I have pitch black darkness inside of me,
This gloom is filled with things I cannot flee.
It sucks away the happy feelings I might contain,
And leaves behind the hurt and pain.
I find myself hating the world and my life,
So much so that I pick up the knife.
I need to feel something, anything at all,
Even if it is something that I used to appall.
I bring the knife down until it's on my arm,
And begin the downwards spiral of self-harm.
The blood begins to flow as the pain ebbs away,
My straight path has now been set astray.
For a while I feel again, for a while I'm alright,
But the feeling vanishes like a candlelight.
Once again I reach out for
DespairIt really gets you tiredDespair4 years ago in Free Verse
When your silent pain
Doesn't come out
Even the darkest flowers bloom
... Don't they?
See the world wither away
As our blood covers the ice
It's taking our light away
Once your eyes used to shine
Now I see only darkness in them
And now even the most bitter tears
Can't turn your head down anymore
It's turning you cold
Once so beautiful voice
It's whispers cannot reach us
See my sarcastic smile
As the blood flows
Down, down, down...
I was never strong enough
To pray for salvation
It died to my lips before I got it out
" Save me, save me.. "
You never heard my silent pleads
Where are those wings
Once so pure, white, innocent
Wings now rotten, dark, vicious
Angel fell once again
It's coming to an end...
I need to let it out
Let the pain out
Out of me
Out of my heart
My dying heart
Let me go
Don't do this to me
Release the despair
Let me be free
Even one day
Even one night
Find my tears
Bring me back